Prince Alois halts his speech and looks you up and down intently. The slovenly businessmen turn their eyes towards you and look on with surprise. The Prince doesn't say a word, but you clearly have his attention. You turn around facing away from him and remove a red handkerchief from your back right pocket. Ever so casually, you let it fall to the ground in front of you. Slowly, gracefully, you bend over from the waist to pick it up. You can feel the seat of your pants begin to tighten across your corybungus. You grab the hanky, your rump proudly displayed in all its glory for those present to marvel at. Still bent over, you look back to see the Prince's jaw hanging open and you know you have him in the palm of your hand. You raise your hand and bring it down upon your own buttocks with a great deal of force. The tight stretched denim amplifies the slap like the skin of a drum and you reflect momentarily upon the resonance of your bum drum in the high arched ceilings of the dining hall.
The moment the soundwaves reach the ear canal of Prince Alois, his pupils dialate considerably. He stands up at once, intent on abandoning the befuddled businessmen that surround him. He walks towards you, his lamé cape dragging across the plush red of the carpet. As if in a trance, he takes you by the arm and leads you towards a private room up the stairs from the dining hall.
You both enter the room arm in arm and he shuts the door tight. He turns to you and without saying a word begins to grope at your denim like a man drowning in quicksand. He squeezes your bottom as if trying desperately to extract milk from it. You pull him tightly towards you and turn him around by his shoulders. He is moaning profusely as he tilts his head back, his luxuriantly soft ponytail rubbing against your neck and face.
Quietely and deftly, you reach into your jacket pocket and pull out the small sleek blade the little weirdo gave you. You hold him firmly with one arm and bring the knife to his throat with the other. He gasps and freezes like a deer in headlights. The Prince begins to tremble in your grip. Softly at first, but progressively more violent. You notice beads of sweat beginning to form all over his face as you hold his head back across your shoulder.
"What do you want? Please... I'll give you anything. I'll do anything. I'll make you rich! Just tell me, please!"
You:
a) Ask him if he wants to hear a joke
b) Tell him if he wants to live, he needs to turn Liechtenstein into an all expenses paid resort for retired explorers
c) Demand he turn over ownership of the Cincinnati Bengals to you
d) Slit him like a hog and let the red red kroovy flow