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Although my sexual appetite has waned considerably, I still would like to experience a relationship and it bothers me very much that I probably never will. I really wish I didn't care, but something in my brain yearns for it. It makes me feel basic and that makes me hate myself little more. Okay, a lot more. Why should I care about such base desires? Why can't I be an automaton void of emotion?
Truth be told, I'm actually doing a lot better emotionally than I have been historically. I don't dread going to work like I used to. I'm about to pay off my car. I even got a new apartment. I just can't shake this monkey off my shoulders. Oh well, back to telling myself that I don't care and it doesn't matter.
I'm glad to hear that you are at least feeling better emotionally than you have in the past. You may think this is redundant to say but I know that you will find someone that gives you that meaning in life that you are looking for. That fact that you're still here and still looking says a lot about you. You've got something special inside of you that keeps you going despite all of the other stuff that makes you want to give up. Keep on keeping on, man. I can't wait for the day when I log on and see that you found that person.
Gonna second all this, just go places where there are other people you could talk to or who might share your interests and if you feel like trying to connect with someone, go with it and do what comes natural. If you keep that up and don't force what doesn't work, you will at minimum get more comfortable with relating to people and I'd be a little surprised if something more didn't happen as well.
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So here's my contribution: I was out drinking last night and saw a chick I thought I should try talking to. I started mentally getting ready to chat her up when this dog came over and sat right by me. I started petting the dog, which wound up breaking the ice and the chick and I started talking. She was really nice, I was really complimentary, she told me more than once it made her night talking to me, but she also informed me that she was a lesbian. I take that at face value and go back to my boozing.
So, she sticks around and keeps making eyes at me, then comes back over to where I'm sitting and starts talking to me again. I felt more or less within my rights doing it under the circumstances, so I offered my number, which she accepted and immediately called (so now I have her number). All the signals would be pretty clear if it weren't for the whole lesbian thing being the stick in the spokes. Practically nothing is riding on this, I'm just incredibly perplexed and there's nothing sensible to do but post about it.