Awkward Sexual Experiences

[apad88]

I lost my virginity in a 5x5 bathroom to some bustdown girl and kept smacking my head on the wall
Then her friend walked in and her parents came home and I skated home fast as fuck
Blue balls :/

does it really count if you didn't bust a nut?

[poopmonkey]

i think not

[augustmoon]

i lost a condom inside of a girl once.  neither of us knew it at the time, but she came up to me a couple days later and said "...i'm not upset or anything, but i just want you to know that my body just rejected a condom".  she was not a very good liar; i could tell she was very upset about it, and obviously thought it was my fault or that i knew and didn't tell her or something.  i was visiting her from out of town at the time, and she made the last couple days of my stay a living hell.  never talked to her again after that.

another time i was fucking this girl from behind on a rickety old futon.  all the screws were loose, and it was swaying around all over the place.  anyway, i'm going at it like nodoby's business, and i guess, unbenownst to me, i must have slipped out of her vag and gone straight to the hilt up her ass in one swoop.  i heard a weird suction sound followed by a blood curdling death yodel that still haunts me to this day.  she jumped up and sprinted to the bathroom where she locked herself in for a good 3 hours convinced i tried to murder her with my dick.  she was in there panicking because her asshole wouldn't un-dialate and she thought i had broken it and that she'd have to go to the hospital.  it took me weeks to finally convince her that it was a complete accident.  the combination of the rickety futon, body fluids, and ferocity of the act somehow created the perfect storm that led to the anal deflowering of such an epic nature. 

[Donkey Lips]

another time i was fucking this girl from behind on a rickety old futon.  all the screws were loose, and it was swaying around all over the place.  anyway, i'm going at it like nodoby's business, and i guess, unbenownst to me, i must have slipped out of her vag and gone straight to the hilt up her ass in one swoop.  i heard a weird suction sound followed by a blood curdling death yodel that still haunts me to this day.  she jumped up and sprinted to the bathroom where she locked herself in for a good 3 hours convinced i tried to murder her with my dick.  she was in there panicking because her asshole wouldn't un-dialate and she thought i had broken it and that she'd have to go to the hospital.  it took me weeks to finally convince her that it was a complete accident.  the combination of the rickety futon, body fluids, and ferocity of the act somehow created the perfect storm that led to the anal deflowering of such an epic nature. 

Did she write you a thank you card?

As for losing a condom inside a lady, just look her square in the eye and say "I never put one on in the first place. That must belong to someone else." and don't waiver at all.

[Justis]

A girl tried to molest me when i was 12. I didnt realise that at the time but only few years later. She was around 17-18 years old.


It felt awkward and it stil feels like that.

you should try to fuck her now

[saucy ragu]

i lost a condom inside of a girl once.  neither of us knew it at the time, but she came up to me a couple days later and said "...i'm not upset or anything, but i just want you to know that my body just rejected a condom".  she was not a very good liar; i could tell she was very upset about it, and obviously thought it was my fault or that i knew and didn't tell her or something.  i was visiting her from out of town at the time, and she made the last couple days of my stay a living hell.  never talked to her again after that.

How'd you forget about the condom? Am I the only one who checks to see how full I can get the jimmy hat once finished?

another time i was fucking this girl from behind on a rickety old futon.  all the screws were loose, and it was swaying around all over the place.  anyway, i'm going at it like nodoby's business, and i guess, unbenownst to me, i must have slipped out of her vag and gone straight to the hilt up her ass in one swoop.  i heard a weird suction sound followed by a blood curdling death yodel that still haunts me to this day.  she jumped up and sprinted to the bathroom where she locked herself in for a good 3 hours convinced i tried to murder her with my dick.  she was in there panicking because her asshole wouldn't un-dialate and she thought i had broken it and that she'd have to go to the hospital.  it took me weeks to finally convince her that it was a complete accident.  the combination of the rickety futon, body fluids, and ferocity of the act somehow created the perfect storm that led to the anal deflowering of such an epic nature. 

i was fucking this girl doggystyle on a rickety old futon.  it was bouncing all over the place, and we started to get a little out of rhythm.  somehow my dick slipped out of her pussy and went all the way up her ass without me realizing it.  she let out this death yodel and ran and locked herself in the bathroom for hours.  she was freaking out because the sudden shock caused her asshole to stay dialated open.  anyway, this chick just about fucking killed me.  she thought i did it on purpose, and it took months to finally convince her otherwise.  i did think it was pretty funny though. 

Thought I recognized you.

[augustmoon]

lol, thats totally a different person....its a big crazy world, could just be a coincidence...

and about the condom, i did check afterward, but i didn't let her know i couldn't find it.  i thought it was just lost under her bed or something with all the others; at the time i wasn't too worried about it

[oyolar]

Expand Quote

i lost a condom inside of a girl once.  neither of us knew it at the time, but she came up to me a couple days later and said "...i'm not upset or anything, but i just want you to know that my body just rejected a condom".  she was not a very good liar; i could tell she was very upset about it, and obviously thought it was my fault or that i knew and didn't tell her or something.  i was visiting her from out of town at the time, and she made the last couple days of my stay a living hell.  never talked to her again after that.

[close]

How'd you forget about the condom? Am I the only one who checks to see how full I can get the jimmy hat once finished?

No you are not.

[jimi420]

So this girl I haven't seen in 4 years messaged me on facebook the other day. We were talking and she gave me her number. We've been talking and shit and she mentions that she has two kids and she's engaged to a guy that beats her and shit. I tell her she needs a mental escape from him since she can't leave him physically. I go over there a few days ago and she gives me about 5 beers and a bottle of Disarono. the next day she texts me and says he beat her for "drinking" all the alcohol. I feel like a pile of shit and go over when he's at work to console her. One thing leads to another and we end up getting freaky. Towards the end we hear footsteps. It was dude's father (he lives upstairs). He knocks on the door of the room and asks what the ruckus is. I have to hurriedly put my clothes on and hide in the closet. She gets dressed and opens the door to talk to him and convinces him he was hearing things. It took a half hour for him to go back to bed. Then I got the fuck out, after I finished. Turns out her fiance has murdered 10 people, is in a mexican gang, and hates black people. Living on the edge!

[finknoos]

So this girl I haven't seen in 4 years messaged me on facebook the other day. We were talking and she gave me her number. We've been talking and shit and she mentions that she has two kids and she's engaged to a guy that beats her and shit. I tell her she needs a mental escape from him since she can't leave him physically. I go over there a few days ago and she gives me about 5 beers and a bottle of Disarono. the next day she texts me and says he beat her for "drinking" all the alcohol. I feel like a pile of shit and go over when he's at work to console her. One thing leads to another and we end up getting freaky. Towards the end we hear footsteps. It was dude's father (he lives upstairs). He knocks on the door of the room and asks what the ruckus is. I have to hurriedly put my clothes on and hide in the closet. She gets dressed and opens the door to talk to him and convinces him he was hearing things. It took a half hour for him to go back to bed. Then I got the fuck out, after I finished. Turns out her fiance has murdered 10 people, is in a mexican gang, and hates black people. Living on the edge!

fuck, that could have gone alot worse. hells yeah jimi

[jimi420]

If I end up dead, I want a slap pals shoe in my memory.

[Hercules Rockefeller]

you better hit up some juggalos, they might know how to paint your face white.

[chockfullofthat]

So I went to a whorehouse this weekend.  Well whore would be singular in this instance.  So anyway...It had come to my attention through the spotful eye of my friend that there was a 24 hour strip club in the town I had moved to.  It looked especially dingy and I hoped I would never have to set foot there.  Flash forward to this weekend.  I have three friends over for some drinks...Paul, Brad, Tim.  Paul wants to get wasted because he's not around his gf for once so he brings a bottle of patron.  Lots of beers, weed, and tequila later we decide to go to a bar.  I'm driving very nearly blacked out at this point...although it's a very close drive so I decide it's ok.  We close the bar out and go back to my apartment.  I pretty much pass out. 

Then I'm woken and told by Paul that we should go to that strip club.  I try to resist but pretty soon we're all heading there with Paul driving.  The place looks closed but the sign is on and there is no cars in the parking lot.  I need a drink of water so I go in first while they pound a beer in the parking lot.  I open the door and there's no music, it's very dim and super sketchy.  I decide to wait for everyone.  We get in there and some fat slut comes out wearing a hoody and says that they are in fact open.  We're in a small room, confused as to why there isn't a room with a stripper pole and some other stripper shit.  We ask wtf this place is and she says it's for private dances only.  She says it's 50 bucks each and there would be a private room for both of us.  We all look at each other trying to figure out what to do.  The alcohol kept me and Tim optimistic at this point so we say fuck it let's see what this is all about.  I was told my credit card was rejected and I tried to sign over a check from Brad to her, which didn't work.  I guess another credit card worked, however, Brad had no money so Tim paid for him.   

I assumed incorrectly that there was going to be other, somewhat attractive women in the place and we'd each get a lap dance a get out of there.  While we are each sitting in our seperate rooms it became obvious that there was only one fat bitch there and she was going to be doing all the private dancing.  After inspecting the room a bit I realize there is a lube bottle and some towels.  I decide that this chick is going to attempt to jerk off me and my friends one after the other.  I'm not psyched.  She came to each room and attempted to get more money from each of us.  Paul made the right choice and said fuck no and went back to the car and drank the rest of the beers.  No one realized this until after and no one was as smart.  When she came to get more money from me I was still under the impression that there could be more women in there.  In my drunken state I gave her 60 more dollars.  After realizing there would be no hotter woman I passed out on some disgusting bed.  My friend Tim is freaking out about the whole situation.  He is pacing around the room and keeps leaving and going back to his room, his inner demons having their way with him.  He decides to give her 50 bucks and she jerks him off.  Next she goes to Brad's room after he knows she just jerked off Tim.  He is broke so he doesn't get a handy so he just jerks it while playing with her tits as fast as he possibly can.  She tells him that I'm passed out and he wakes me up and we get the fuck out of there. 

We wake up the next day fucking pissed.  I'm 110 dollars poorer with no sign of my iPhone all for a nap in a whorehouse.  I was convinced I had been robbed.  Paul lost 50 dollars and could laugh at us the most.  Brad jerked off in the same room as a fat bitch and owed Tim 50 dollars.  Tim spent 100 dollars for his first prostitution expereince and felt disgusted with himself.  He had to go to work at TGIF til 2 am that same day too.  I eventually found my iPhone and spent the rest of the day laughing at Brad.  We blame Paul.  Fuck that place.

[Rockin Robbin]

Holy shit that sucks.

[Omamori]

So this girl I haven't seen in 4 years messaged me on facebook the other day. We were talking and she gave me her number. We've been talking and shit and she mentions that she has two kids and she's engaged to a guy that beats her and shit. I tell her she needs a mental escape from him since she can't leave him physically. I go over there a few days ago and she gives me about 5 beers and a bottle of Disarono. the next day she texts me and says he beat her for "drinking" all the alcohol. I feel like a pile of shit and go over when he's at work to console her. One thing leads to another and we end up getting freaky. Towards the end we hear footsteps. It was dude's father (he lives upstairs). He knocks on the door of the room and asks what the ruckus is. I have to hurriedly put my clothes on and hide in the closet. She gets dressed and opens the door to talk to him and convinces him he was hearing things. It took a half hour for him to go back to bed. Then I got the fuck out, after I finished. Turns out her fiance has murdered 10 people, is in a mexican gang, and hates black people. Living on the edge!

Feel sorry for her and the kids. I dont even know if it's safe to report the abuse....sucks you cant do anything.

[Zurg]

see if you can get him to make an account

[jimi420]

Expand Quote

So this girl I haven't seen in 4 years messaged me on facebook the other day. We were talking and she gave me her number. We've been talking and shit and she mentions that she has two kids and she's engaged to a guy that beats her and shit. I tell her she needs a mental escape from him since she can't leave him physically. I go over there a few days ago and she gives me about 5 beers and a bottle of Disarono. the next day she texts me and says he beat her for "drinking" all the alcohol. I feel like a pile of shit and go over when he's at work to console her. One thing leads to another and we end up getting freaky. Towards the end we hear footsteps. It was dude's father (he lives upstairs). He knocks on the door of the room and asks what the ruckus is. I have to hurriedly put my clothes on and hide in the closet. She gets dressed and opens the door to talk to him and convinces him he was hearing things. It took a half hour for him to go back to bed. Then I got the fuck out, after I finished. Turns out her fiance has murdered 10 people, is in a mexican gang, and hates black people. Living on the edge!

[close]

Feel sorry for her and the kids. I dont even know if it's safe to report the abuse....sucks you cant do anything.

It's terrible dude. We used to be really close and shit and then I started doing drugs and left her behind. I can't stand to think of the shit she has to go through on a daily basis. I guess he told her he's gotten away with murder before and if he needs to he'll do it again. that's life I guess.

see if you can get him to make an account

Just noticed this. I've never spoken to the dude, she's not even allowed to talk to me so that'd be near impossible.

[Rockin Robbin]

Oh, some chick was giving me head a few weeks ago, and I busted in her mouth and it came out her nose. No idea how that happened, but if I can figure out the science behind it, I'll do it everytime.

[Unbridled Technical Precision]

Oh, some chick was giving me head a few weeks ago, and I busted in her mouth and it came out her nose. No idea how that happened, but if I can figure out the science behind it, I'll do it everytime.

lies

[Rockin Robbin]

Expand Quote

Oh, some chick was giving me head a few weeks ago, and I busted in her mouth and it came out her nose. No idea how that happened, but if I can figure out the science behind it, I'll do it everytime.

[close]

lies

Nope. I was lying on my back and she was bending over me. I warned her of what was coming but she took no heed. Apparently I caught her off guard and she coughed and it came out her nose.

[saucy ragu]

I believe you. A girl refused to let me unload while she was in full deepthroat mode because it had happened to her in the past. She let me go with just the tip though.

[Donkey Lips]

It's absolutely possible. Happened one time with my ex lady. Trust me, it does happen.

[saucy ragu]

Donkey, we are brothas from anotha motha i swear.

[Rumpleforeskin]

holy shit jimi, you're the man

[pancake man]

Oh, some chick was giving me head a few weeks ago, and I busted in her mouth and it came out her nose. No idea how that happened, but if I can figure out the science behind it, I'll do it everytime.

We call it the Alaskan Snow Dragon

[Donkey Lips]

Donkey, we are brothas from anotha motha i swear.

DOOD!

[StabMasterArson]

How are we going to know if/when Jimi gets murdered?

[Donkey Lips]

A dove will land on your windowsill and it will shed one single tear.

Jimi, try not to get killed quite yet. I know you like sticking your dick in crazy situations, but please try to wait until after we send you to the gathering of the juggalos before you get murdered.

[skate_bored]

A dove will land on your windowsill and it will shed one single tear.

Jimi, try not to get killed quite yet. I know you like sticking your dick in crazy situations, but please try to wait until after we send you to the gathering of the juggalos before you get murdered.

and make sure you post some nudes.

[Harem]

Had sex with a deaf girl the other week