@coldbrew I feel what you're going through be it with avoiding the thread or the inconsistent lifestyle. Like I was saying, already being this self-critical of your situation and of what's good and bad for you, you can only keep going further up the right path, when the worst reaction you really should avoid would be obsessing over your demons and spiraling down. Come to think of it, that's just a waste of your time that could be spent doing positive things and a matter of moving on emotionally, there's no point in remaining fixated over a person that might have existed in the past but no longer really does but in your imagination, which is easier to realize when you stop to look purely at facts. At least in my situation it was easy to take that purgatorial step given how my break-up happened in extreme circumstances, but still after years of enduring abuse I used to completely dismiss as abuse until I looked back on them. Like, it takes a few steps back from the bullshit to realize the extent of it and then you just know you don't want to go back. And then just the idea of reflecting over that relationship again starts fading.
I know that shit can get to your head, I also used to go through brighter and darker phases for a while after that break-up where I'd either live a healthy lifestyle and skate my ass off or sit at home, overthink shit and pile out to an extent, but being aware of what was either positive or detrimental to me never allowed me to slip too hard so I always insisted on embracing the positives of single life instead, focusing on just myself for the first time in too long and it really did me good. It actually took a while for me to finally get over that ex in particular despite this mindset because she would try and keep things ambiguous for some time (getting in the way of my thought process) until I had to tell her to really just drop it. But as human beings, we're also wired to always imagine and ponder an infinity of 'what if's'. What if it were my communication that wasn't good enough, what if that would have happened instead of this, etc., etc. but that's really just time spent in dreamland, which can be for as long as you like as long as 1/ you stay firmly rooted in reality and 2/ you can enjoy the unnecessary self-torture. Your mature approach to your situation is impressive, just look at it as you finally being in full control of yourself again, fuck mental projections, do what you like and skate your ass off. You'll naturally meet cooler people later and so the sooner you'll move onto that later the better.