I'm extremely interested in religions/ mythology/ heaven / hell / life / death. Most of my tattoos are based on these topics, including art from "Paradise Lost". I was not raised religious at all, my dad was a biker and was just like "it is what it is, time is short" etc. BUT, as a little kid, I'd watch those movies like "Jason & the Argonauts", "7th Voyage of Sinbad", and then the original "Clash of the Titans". I think I was 5 when that came out, but I thought the stories were awesome. Fast forward a few years, me and a friend were playing with Clash of the Titans toys, when he asks me if I know about Odin. I didn't have a clue, and he pulled out this book: "D'Aulaires' Book of Norse Myths" (will tell more about that in a minute). Anyway, the stories about Odin, Thor, and especially Loki blew my mind, plus the art was awesome. Shit is etched in my mind. This was all like 1983.
So in 2002 my dad died in a shitty way, and I tried to wrap my head around all of this life/ death stuff and more or less "acceptance". I would talk to him in my mind, in hopes of hearing him talk back to me, which never happened. He is in my dreams randomly, sometimes its like 1989, sometimes in current times. But its always something like fixing a refrigerator together or shit like that. Still pretty unsure of my ideas on all of this. I was still partying pretty hard for about another decade and my thoughts had always been "this is it, you live then you die and its over". I spent my 5 years in New Zealand reading about a lot of different religions, mythology and Jesus documentaries, "mysteries of the Bible" etc. etc. Watched Zeitgeist a bunch of times. I find this stuff fascinating, especially older cultures. The worshipping of the sun. Logical vs Faith explanations. I feel like a lot of these stories were created to sort of create a "common sense" on rights and wrongs, initially, but then over time, as religion gained power, a lot of it became corrupted (like most things).
I have tattoos of Icarus with Daedalus, Death riding down to take a lost soul, and the soul trying to fend him off, Loki (not the Marvel version), Lucifer being cast from Heaven, the battle for Heaven, and also Satan on a throne holding a crown of human bones. Long story short: The battle of rights vs wrongs, consequences for ones actions and the fear of death. I also have Vita (life) and Mors (Death) tattooed on my fingers (I never say ''knuckles" for that, seems wrong). It took me a long time to "accept" (for lack of a better word) that I fear death, and I fear it because of the unknown, will I see my dad again, can I watch over my son, will my son be okay, will I just not know its over, will I be stuck in dreamland (not Bob Burnquist's) , etc. And I realized that people that DO believe in this stuff, do not fear it like I do, because they believe they will be somewhere. And I do not. And I also find the idea that "this is it" to be almost.. uh, disappointing I guess.
I have had a lot of coincidences over the years that stick with me. For examples: I had a dream about my grandpa where I basically replayed every memory I have of him throughout the whole dream, and when I woke up, my mom was waiting there to tell me he had passed away. The day I found out I was going to be a dad - New Year's Day 2014: I was extremely hung over, and me and my wife went for a walk and the topic was basically "Life seeming pretty pointless, just what movie to watch, whats for dinner, are we going to the thing, seems like there should be more. Feel very hollow". An hour later, she starts bleeding profusely and we go to the hospital. Turns out she is pregnant and on the verge of losing our son. They put her on bed rest and for some reason, I just know that he will be fine (he turns 7 this year). So I got my something more. Not as serious, but I mentioned it earlier. So the book that the kid showed me when were 7. As I got older, I wanted to find that book because I could not remember the name. Randomly looked for years. Had not seen that guy since graduation. When my son was 7 months old, I went to the post office with my mom for some reason. We ran into the guys mom, had not seen her since 1994 (This was 2014). She told me what he was up to, and so forth. I even mentioned to her about the book he showed me back then and how awesome I thought it was, and showed her my Loki tattoo. The next day, we took my son to Barnes & Noble, and the book was in a stack on a table. Was psyched.
So my 40th birthday didn't bother me, got some H-Street reissue shit and felt good. 41 just hits different. Around my son's 3rd birthday, I woke up and out of nowhere just thought "Whoa, I'm going to die some day". I don't think I'd ever really thought about it ..like seriously. Then other thoughts: "I wonder if this is the last time I'll watch this movie. whoa, why did I just think that?". Just a lot of realizations that it is impending and I hope I'm ready to go when it happens. Mostly hope that I know my son will be okay and that I hope I see him grown up and that he can handle himself alright. I'm not an atheist, I'd say I'm more agnostic (front, oi oi oi). If I can be proven wrong, I'm open to it, but logically, its hard for me to accept these things.
Sorry I wrote so much, Rodney Mullen'ed this topic all the way to just say "I don't really believe in Heaven or Hell, but it would make the end a lot more interesting."