Is there a thread on Slap where people can reach out to other pals in case of need, or where pals can indicate they're willing to listen?
What's better solace, is we can help each other :)
Things will be okay. I am here for you, and so many others are too! If you need a break from the goofiness or even the bantering, come to this thread. Let us know what you need, and we will do our part to help you get support. You DESERVE support!
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?Some ssri’s are good buttttttt you’ve got to be vigilant about what is wrong and right with your meds, remember it’s your job to be honest with your psychiatrist and what you want to take away from antidepressants.
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?Nothing but good experiences for me. The only thing that really changed is that when I get anxious or depressed, it still sucks but it doesn't take over my day- just annoying. They didn't make any anxious or depressive thoughts go away, rather they make them manageable and not seem so big and overpowering.
I know multiple people who are on Wellbutrin and it works just fine for them. Do you have a link to this info that its effects are much like taking cocaine? I've never seen or heard thatExpand Quoteany pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?[close]
It's a crap shoot. They typically take 3-4 weeks before effects kick in, and if you have negative side effects to the point of discomfort, you make need to wean off before switching meds.
Neurotransmitters are a funny thing, and altering them can indeed be beneficial, but its impossible at this point to say what will work for you and what wont.
It also depends on your illness/ailments/disease. There are many factors.
For example, many doctors will tell you anxiety and depression go hand in hand, even though that's not particularly true. But, to prove my point...
Burprion (wellbutrin), also used for smoking cessation, is an snri anti depressant. BUT, its main use was designed to stop cocaine addiction. The effects are much like, taking cocaine. So if you have anxiety, I'd steer clear of this drug.
I'm not trying to scare anyone that needs help, please just be open, honest with your dr and be diligent in doing some research beforehand
I know multiple people who are on Wellbutrin and it works just fine for them. Do you have a link to this info that its effects are much like taking cocaine? I've never seen or heard thatExpand QuoteExpand Quoteany pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?[close]
It's a crap shoot. They typically take 3-4 weeks before effects kick in, and if you have negative side effects to the point of discomfort, you make need to wean off before switching meds.
Neurotransmitters are a funny thing, and altering them can indeed be beneficial, but its impossible at this point to say what will work for you and what wont.
It also depends on your illness/ailments/disease. There are many factors.
For example, many doctors will tell you anxiety and depression go hand in hand, even though that's not particularly true. But, to prove my point...
Burprion (wellbutrin), also used for smoking cessation, is an snri anti depressant. BUT, its main use was designed to stop cocaine addiction. The effects are much like, taking cocaine. So if you have anxiety, I'd steer clear of this drug.
I'm not trying to scare anyone that needs help, please just be open, honest with your dr and be diligent in doing some research beforehand[close]
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?
Thanks so much for the great response, same goes for the rest that shared their experiences as well. It definitely seems intimidating to start this "trial and error" process; seems like a lot of inevitable stress. But I suppose the end product will make it all worth it. The general consensus seems to be that it's a necessity to pair meds with a therapist. I don't even have a primary doctor to send me to a psychiatrist so I guess I really don't even know how to get started; I have some research to do haha. I'm sure your sentence I bolded is how I'll feel in the future once I finally get everything "figured out." I think I'm gonna try to wait until summer to start the whole process, cause I feel like it wouldn't be wise to start the process in the middle of a hard ass semester of school. If anyone else wants to contribute their experiences, please continue to shareExpand Quoteany pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?[close]
I've been fortunate so far in the fact I've not had to go through the process of trying a bunch of different meds out before landing on one. I've got friends with horror stories of half a dozen or more different meds and variants before landing on something.
As someone said, don't jump right into it. Spend time consulting with professionals as much as you can. If you can afford it, or are fortunate enough to be in a position to have benefits that cover it definitely seek out a therapist and see them as much as you can.
I was with my therapist a couple months before getting into medication and between her and my doctor they decided upon a medication that is working for me (so far at least).
In terms of adjustment to starting meds, it varies based on a lot of circumstances between the meds themselves and the person taking them. When I started I started with a pretty low dose with the knowledge that I'd up my dose periodically as a way of easing into it (I've been upped twice so far, each time having less harsh effects on me). When I started I didn't feel much for the first few days, and then for about 2 weeks I felt intensely nauseous off and on. I'd feel car sick just sitting on my couch and it'd come in waves. I was super tired all the time, I was on leave from work at the time so I just sort of napped off and on. Also my dick seemed to shit the bed and basically turned into a useless pud. I could barely keep it hard, never going above an 75% boner and taking forever to cum. Then after a couple weeks of all that shit, that started to all fade and they started to do their job. At first it didn't feel like they were doing much of anything mentally, until my girlfriend pointed out that my temper started to subside, my major depressive episodes got less intense and less frequent, and I no longer spent every minute of my day thinking about killing myself. My anxiety leveled out a decent amount.
Of course I still feel all that shit , all the negative things that come along with lifelong Major Depressive Disorder. That doesn't go away, but between the meds and weekly therapy it's become a lot more manageable and not so all encompassing. It was scary, and I put it all off for far far too long, but now that I've started I've never looked back and the only regret I have is waiting so long to start.
If anyone has specific questions feel free to message me. I'll respond as quickly and as best I can. Keep in mind, ultimately I'm just some dumbass on a skateboard message board so I can only offer personal anecdotes and experience, so it'll never take place of a professional though.
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?
Hey PALS,
Gotta admit I'm having a hard time dealing with all this right now. Mark Waters and Henry Gartland are only two out of four people in my life that have died in the last two weeks. I just feel surrounded by death. Instead of a "Let's Live" mentality to honor our fallen brothers, I can't escape my main thought which is "Who is next?" I don't fear for self-harm, I'm just very sad and overwhelmed. I cry a lot.
I guess this all started about 3-4 years ago when my friend Curtis Valentine was killed in NYC. I felt terrible because I couldn't be at the funeral, and not long after that P-Stone died. That set off just a long string of deaths and I would just be getting over one and then I would have to start dealing with another. So I feel like I have just been burying homies nonstop for the last four years.
It feels terrible and I don't like it, but typing all this out and reading it back helped a little bit.
Thanks for listening.
I think years of (...)
My wife and I have been arguing all morning because she disclosed something intimate with me and I dismissed her conversation with something irrelevant.
So instead of moving forward and admitting that I am wrong (which I have done and apologized profusely) now it's now a rundown of everything I've done wrong and it feels like a bullying pissing contest if I say hey if I did this or complained about everything would it be treated the same?!
I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed with a lot of penned up frustration not on my behalf.
Someone please sort me out am I wrong for feeling attacked verbally and how should I resolve this?
Thank you for your kind words, we've kinda simmered down now.Expand QuoteMy wife and I have been arguing all morning because she disclosed something intimate with me and I dismissed her conversation with something irrelevant.
So instead of moving forward and admitting that I am wrong (which I have done and apologized profusely) now it's now a rundown of everything I've done wrong and it feels like a bullying pissing contest if I say hey if I did this or complained about everything would it be treated the same?!
I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed with a lot of penned up frustration not on my behalf.
Someone please sort me out am I wrong for feeling attacked verbally and how should I resolve this?[close]
That's absolutely a lot to be overwhelmed by !!! That makes perfect sense to me; I've had to endure similar verbal bullying before and that shit SUCKS.
Sometimes people get this trauma response when they feel ignored that forces them to turn violent on their friends / partners / spouses - which of course sucks , but is NEVER okay ! It borders on abusive if done in enough succession.
I think a good , gentle course of action would be to reiterate that you did the wrong thing by dismissing the initial conversation - but that in any circumstance , verbally bullying someone like that is not okay ! And that it's causing you acute stress . Spouses should never cause each other that sort of anxiety ! It's emotionally harmful and you ABSOLUTELY deserve to be heard & respected at the bare minimum :)
I'm glad you came here ! It will be alright in due time , and let us know if we can do anything else to help you feel cozy again :) Our ears are yours to lend !
El Fapster,Yeah man we were talking sexy talk about bdsm and then I got excited about pizza for whatever reason this was early in the morning mind you.
I’m gonna take up for your wife.
Why did the fight start? Because you said you were not listening to her. You ignored her feelings. You should have given her your full and undivided attention but you were joking around with her like she was one of the guys.
You gotta learn to really listen. I’ve been married 17 years and I’m telling you women need your undivided attention when they want to talk.
She’s 10 years younger man. She’s struggling with the pandemic and becoming an adult. Just remember how fucked up you were at 27. I was manic and worried about shit I don’t even care about now.
Just give her an hour or two every day like you did when you were first dating and I’m telling you she won’t be jealous about what Gigi Hadid is up to.
You feelin’ me dog?
Now go spark it up mang.
You can also check out websites like betterhelp.com with online therapists. I checked recently and their sliding scale is a little more expensive, but still more affordable than $100 a session or some shit.Expand QuoteHey PALS,
Gotta admit I'm having a hard time dealing with all this right now. Mark Waters and Henry Gartland are only two out of four people in my life that have died in the last two weeks. I just feel surrounded by death. Instead of a "Let's Live" mentality to honor our fallen brothers, I can't escape my main thought which is "Who is next?" I don't fear for self-harm, I'm just very sad and overwhelmed. I cry a lot.
I guess this all started about 3-4 years ago when my friend Curtis Valentine was killed in NYC. I felt terrible because I couldn't be at the funeral, and not long after that P-Stone died. That set off just a long string of deaths and I would just be getting over one and then I would have to start dealing with another. So I feel like I have just been burying homies nonstop for the last four years.
It feels terrible and I don't like it, but typing all this out and reading it back helped a little bit.
Thanks for listening.[close]
My wife and I have been arguing all morning because she disclosed something intimate with me and I dismissed her conversation with something irrelevant.
So instead of moving forward and admitting that I am wrong (which I have done and apologized profusely) now it's now a rundown of everything I've done wrong and it feels like a bullying pissing contest if I say hey if I did this or complained about everything would it be treated the same?!
I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed with a lot of penned up frustration not on my behalf.
Someone please sort me out am I wrong for feeling attacked verbally and how should I resolve this?
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?I've tried a bunch. Citalopram (Celexa), Escitalopram (Lexapro), Buproprion (Wellbutrin), all those for depression. I think escitalopram kind of helped but I could only bust a nut on wellbutrin because the SSRI's fuck with me. I also tried buspirone for anxiety but it didn't really help. Xanax and Ativan were each prescribed to me at different points but I didn't like that I would need them all the time, and that I would have to increase my dose regularly.
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?
This past weekend I sad a very dark suicidal thought. It scared the fuck out of me once I realized that. Lately I have been having anxiety about death with my cousin passing away about a year ago. Sometimes I think I would wake up and find my mom dead and I scares me.well first of all, you should disclose your struggles with your girlfriend if you haven't already. are you still teaching? think about how rewarding and important your job is; one of the most important jobs in existence. you're making a huge difference in the world whether you know it or not. also just think about how sick it'll be teaching once things go back to normal. don't feel bad for skating and doing other hobbies, that's the best thing you can do. it keeps your mind out of stagnation.
Today my gf got upset with me cuz I have tike to go skate and do other hobbies while she works a lot. She does make a good point cuz I only work part time for now but that conversation gave me an anxiety attack. This was basically the same reason my last relationship ended cuz I didn't do anything to better myself or get a full time job. I dont want to ruin this relationship and it scares me.
well first of all, you should disclose your struggles with your girlfriend if you haven't already. are you still teaching? think about how rewarding and important your job is; one of the most important jobs in existence. you're making a huge difference in the world whether you know it or not. also just think about how sick it'll be teaching once things go back to normal. don't feel bad for skating and doing other hobbies, that's the best thing you can do. it keeps your mind out of stagnation.Expand QuoteThis past weekend I sad a very dark suicidal thought. It scared the fuck out of me once I realized that. Lately I have been having anxiety about death with my cousin passing away about a year ago. Sometimes I think I would wake up and find my mom dead and I scares me.
Today my gf got upset with me cuz I have tike to go skate and do other hobbies while she works a lot. She does make a good point cuz I only work part time for now but that conversation gave me an anxiety attack. This was basically the same reason my last relationship ended cuz I didn't do anything to better myself or get a full time job. I dont want to ruin this relationship and it scares me.[close]
I made the call recently and I’m having a zoom meeting with my therapist tomorrow afternoon I’m psyched on this.
I made the call recently and I’m having a zoom meeting with my therapist tomorrow afternoon I’m psyched on this.
On my initial zoom meeting with the therapy intake talking about the symptoms and causes has left me feeling empty and worthless,
I do have a great support system partner/wife she's awesome to listen to my bullshit but how much can one person listen to me? I'd rather speak to a professional as it will help me understand what is going on with my head, haven't had a urge to skate as I'm just bummed and have been in between crying fits and just being placid.
https://youtu.be/HECPJ-MgdcE
homeboy killed himself a month ago. my partner went outta town the week after and has been out of town since. it’s snowing intermittently so skating is hit or miss.Speak it. Here or dm me. Some days it really is just one day then the next. I saw a girl wearing a helmet and knee pads while learning to ride a skateboard as I drove past a neighborhood. Just seeing that made me want to live.
i keep having these weird dreams that i can’t articulate. wake up feeling bittersweet every time. i’m isolated. my mental health has always been up and down but sometimes idk how i can do this for another 50-60 years.
don’t need guidance really, just wanted to speak on it.
homeboy killed himself a month ago. my partner went outta town the week after and has been out of town since. it’s snowing intermittently so skating is hit or miss.
i keep having these weird dreams that i can’t articulate. wake up feeling bittersweet every time. i’m isolated. my mental health has always been up and down but sometimes idk how i can do this for another 50-60 years.
don’t need guidance really, just wanted to speak on it.
My sweet beagle son died, my moms first birthday since she passed was the next day. Today I got a notice from a law firm that my older brother wants to be the probate, and I need to show up for court in a month or so.
Yeah, we all have our pain and sadness, but this has been a little much at a rapid clip. Also let me disclaim that mine is not any worse that others.
I now live in a house where my wife left, and three dogs have now passed and there's no more dogs, I've lived here for 20+ years and I'm in shock I think. I pick up my sweet boys remains tomorrow.
Today I felt horrible and was considering calling the suicide hotline, or just cashing out. I never really post on social media, but I did to let people I know that my buddy passed on. People were commenting on how his pain or whatever is over, it keeps going through my mind what about my pain, then I felt guilty for being a selfish idiot.
Thank you for this thread, I don't even feel right putting this out here, its probably a more appropriate post for the confessions thread. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to vent. I'm bawling my eyes out and absolutely restless here. I keep looking for my sweet boy, and he's just not here.
Rest In Peace, Sweet Jacob, run free.
My sweet beagle son died, my moms first birthday since she passed was the next day. Today I got a notice from a law firm that my older brother wants to be the probate, and I need to show up for court in a month or so.
Yeah, we all have our pain and sadness, but this has been a little much at a rapid clip. Also let me disclaim that mine is not any worse that others.
I now live in a house where my wife left, and three dogs have now passed and there's no more dogs, I've lived here for 20+ years and I'm in shock I think. I pick up my sweet boys remains tomorrow.
Today I felt horrible and was considering calling the suicide hotline, or just cashing out. I never really post on social media, but I did to let people I know that my buddy passed on. People were commenting on how his pain or whatever is over, it keeps going through my mind what about my pain, then I felt guilty for being a selfish idiot.
Thank you for this thread, I don't even feel right putting this out here, its probably a more appropriate post for the confessions thread. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to vent. I'm bawling my eyes out and absolutely restless here. I keep looking for my sweet boy, and he's just not here.
Rest In Peace, Sweet Jacob, run free.
Bruv, I lost my son (doggo) Mr. Biscuit Face Kills Oct 31st 2012. He was my heart and what I thought my only redemption in this world and still it's rough and tough to talk about it as I'm tearing up as I'm typing this.Expand QuoteMy sweet beagle son died, my moms first birthday since she passed was the next day. Today I got a notice from a law firm that my older brother wants to be the probate, and I need to show up for court in a month or so.
Yeah, we all have our pain and sadness, but this has been a little much at a rapid clip. Also let me disclaim that mine is not any worse that others.
I now live in a house where my wife left, and three dogs have now passed and there's no more dogs, I've lived here for 20+ years and I'm in shock I think. I pick up my sweet boys remains tomorrow.
Today I felt horrible and was considering calling the suicide hotline, or just cashing out. I never really post on social media, but I did to let people I know that my buddy passed on. People were commenting on how his pain or whatever is over, it keeps going through my mind what about my pain, then I felt guilty for being a selfish idiot.
Thank you for this thread, I don't even feel right putting this out here, its probably a more appropriate post for the confessions thread. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to vent. I'm bawling my eyes out and absolutely restless here. I keep looking for my sweet boy, and he's just not here.
Rest In Peace, Sweet Jacob, run free.[close]
Thanks for letting us in like this. Losing a dog is tough, my schnauzer Polly died from eating rat poison on my watch a few years back. I was devastated for a long time.
I think it’s good that you’re aware of your needs and your pain. Nothing selfish in any of this. We all need love and friendship and dogs are just amazing at giving. So my advice would be to make sure and take all the time you need to mourn. If you want to talk about it, send a dm.
Been under a lot pressure from various sources myself recently. My new dog has been having a yeast infection which makes her scratch herself bloody whenever she has the slightest opportunity. The basically sleepless month which has resulted from this then manifested itself yesterday night in a lumbago straight from hell. Now I’m basically beached on the couch, with every move causing ridiculous amounts of pain, and all that on New Year’s Eve here in China. I’ve had this before so I know it’ll get better, but I also know it’ll take at least a month. Not looking forward to that in the slightest.
I really need to be healthy, and not having that makes everything else difficult to enjoy. Still, I’m grateful for having the time to rest and heal in a safe place now that I need it.
Ah well. Much love to you all and a happy new year of the ox. Stay Shalom.
Hey Fap !I’m going to make it work I’m just bummed out we’ve been gotten to that point where we’re sniping at each other and I’m trying to look at the bigger picture not everything is immediate and takes time.
I'm grateful you checked in my dood :)
I'm so sorry to hear there's so much on your plate right now - I know it's been a tumultuous time lately too which makes it extra heavy ! I hope among it all you are able to take some time for yourself , to rest up and do little things that make you happy , and keep up with therapy too ! If there's any extra support you need , we are here for you shalomie :)
I think the most important question for you in regards to your marriage right now is , is this somebody you want to work through this with ? Because there is always a way through - it often requires a lot of fierce love and difficult courage, but there is always a way ! Sometimes we just gotta give in and say this isn't meant to be - but that's a rare scenario ! If something keeps bringing you back , hopefully it's not an unhealthy attachment - which lord knows I've suffered from having so many times ! Hopefully it's your heart telling you that there is indeed a way through things together with her .
I'm not the sharpest tool in the box when it comes to advice , but I just want to encourage you to follow that compass inside of you - and to do little things that make you happy along the way !
You got this homie !
-Nicky
So the past week I was finally starting to feel better. I finally had the energy to finish my gundam kit that has been on my table for the past month. Then suddenly I got a call from my mom saying my grandma past away this morning. I just don't want to fall in that hole again.I don’t know if this will help but I read an article that the human brain when it dies it has all this serotonin left and some researchers believe that the brain just releases them all. It tripled in rats as they died in one study. It doesn’t change that she’s gone but maybe her last moments in her mind might’ve been very euphoric
Does therapy sessions always end with me feeling worse off? or just empty because of the traumas and finally someone listening to me without judgment?Don't take this the wrong way, but you sound like me but worse.
I was diagnosed with PTSD and Schizoeffective disorder and part of the problem irl is learning how to talk with others without stuttering like Bill Denborough from IT. I've taken in alot of buddhist mindfullness nonaggressive communication and assertive skills, it feels like mental homework of trying a different avenue then what you've done so far.
Got a case manager for other things as I'm trying vocational rehabilitation basically job skills and life coach to advocate for those with mental illness, I've had learning disabilities all my life and found flipping burgers, working with elderly and persons with special needs, along with working at a skate shop or bike repair.
Now mind you I am handy with those skills and have a talent somehow I'll say something wrong or joke too much and forget my place and it's well Rob ummmm I don't think this is a good fit for you and back out on the street or I ramble on and somehow never get to the point, talking at someone instead of talking with them.
Does therapy sessions always end with me feeling worse off? or just empty because of the traumas and finally someone listening to me without judgment?
At first I wasn’t too hyped about this zoom therapy shenanigans at first and yes I do cry about the time’s I’m beating myself up inside.
I do believe it’s helping me with my mental health issues, I’m glad I could do it this way I don’t think I can hang with others as it’ll cause me to stutter more irl.
100%For sure I agree, what’s fucked me up is having to compromise my own standards and boundaries.
It’s like, these people hate themselves so much they legit feel the need to just break people down
Often the exact things they say they are really saying to themselves
Don’t be like that, people
And if someone is doing this to you and you don’t know how to deal with it all I can offer is that these people are clearly in hell and they hate themselves more than they hate you and and are more scared of you than you are of them
Guy that’s never made a mistake well that’s the guy that’s never built anythingAbsolutely I have fucked up many things and it's made me feel like a whole person in the end.
What's up my friends! Sending all my love to you all!I’ve learned to ground myself when anxiety gets too much, I breathe and focus on what’s attainable in front of me and what I’ve accomplished in my lifetime.
Ah it has come time for me to turn the tables on myself. The old noggin has once again pointed its emotional rifles at my heart.
Just moved in to my fiance and I's first place - which is FUCKING so so cool! It's a super sick 1 bed 1 bath in a mountainous town where lotsa family is nearby and we have our kitty cat and all our belongings here .... so shit is fucking good.
BUT of course my fucking heart is so overwhelmed ..... until now I lived with my folks again cause 2 years ago I had a horrible accident that left me disabled; I had no option but to return home. And it's just so fucking much emotion leaving home again as a full adult this time but having so much trauma and anxiety like a giant monkey on my back. And my hubby and I are super emotionally supportive of each other, so I am absolutely safe and so so lucky for that!
But yeah, my head is going through the WAVES past couple days ..... I know I'll settle in super super well very soon ..... but for now I'm just like FUCK! Hahaha. Today I managed to fight my lack of appetite to eat a good lunch, and I'm doing some house organization / tony hawk playing to our fav Bathory record ..... so today is great so far! PROGRESS!
Thank you all for the love for my shitty feelings and my loss of my sweet boy. I couldn't really look back at this thread because it always makes me weep out of the kindness and support you guys gave. You guys are awesome, and much love.Truth be told dog if you can hang with the occasional heckling and jibing on here you’re good to go.
I was laying in bed all day long and getting out of bed to day drink/afternoon drink and barely eating. I went on a liquor run, and was pretty buzzed-up,and drunkenly got into it with some anti-masker dudes at the liquor. It was one loud dude mouthing off epithets, and when I got to my car he and his buddies beauty ass pretty good.
I was sore and I cracked my nose, and if I coughed or sneezed blood would pour from my nose like a faucet. I sat at home drunk for about five days dealing with it, bleeding everywhere. I don't have insurance and am paranoid about the Covid new infective strains soI just tried to take care of it myself. On the fifth day my one friend I have left forced me to go the hospital. I ended up spending 3 days in the ER and received 4 pints of blood and a ton of saline. If my buddy didn't drag me to the doc, I would most likely been dead, from blood loss from my nose. Ridiculous, but I just was kind of done. I fucking gave up. Everything I gave a shit about was gone so I didn't really see any point in going on, like I had a good run, time to clock out.
I've been sober for two weeks now (I occasionally smoke a joint here and there) , and I am now a huge Topo Chico-holic. Its really odd to me how close to dying I came, but also I can believe it because it was just such an easy way out, no noose-tying, or gun in my mouth.
Once again, I am not looking for any pity or attention or insistence that I'm worse off than anyone else, or my pain and sadness are just like everyone else's. I just need to get it off my chest. Amazingly enough, this thread has been a godsend (for lack of a better word) for me.
Thank you guys for the kind words and support. I love you all for that.
Also, thank you Sebastian for forcing to get off my ass, if it wasn't for you, I just wouldn't be here anymore, you saved my life. May you never have to buy a drink again, and even though you have your own wife and 5 year old daughter, you made time to help me.
Once again, I am a weepy mess, but its okay. I'm alive, and not auto-piloting with that awfully stubborn/dumb routine I was content with. I'm keeping busy by cleaning all the goddamn blood everywhere on everything. That feeling of restless its there, but its okay.
Much love guys, and I can't thank you enough for your support and this thread.
Its weird, I just might just delete this post because I feel so pathetic/embarrassed about how its all turned out. Its also awesome that I found my little safe area to speak out, on SLAP.
I can't thank you guys enough. I lurked these boards for a while and made an account to call out some San Diego skate kookiness, and ended up bearing my soul to strangers, who honestly react more genuine and actually hear me than actual people.
What's up my friends! Sending all my love to you all!
Ah it has come time for me to turn the tables on myself. The old noggin has once again pointed its emotional rifles at my heart.
Just moved in to my fiance and I's first place - which is FUCKING so so cool! It's a super sick 1 bed 1 bath in a mountainous town where lotsa family is nearby and we have our kitty cat and all our belongings here .... so shit is fucking good.
BUT of course my fucking heart is so overwhelmed ..... until now I lived with my folks again cause 2 years ago I had a horrible accident that left me disabled; I had no option but to return home. And it's just so fucking much emotion leaving home again as a full adult this time but having so much trauma and anxiety like a giant monkey on my back. And my hubby and I are super emotionally supportive of each other, so I am absolutely safe and so so lucky for that!
But yeah, my head is going through the WAVES past couple days ..... I know I'll settle in super super well very soon ..... but for now I'm just like FUCK! Hahaha. Today I managed to fight my lack of appetite to eat a good lunch, and I'm doing some house organization / tony hawk playing to our fav Bathory record ..... so today is great so far! PROGRESS!
Thank you all for the love for my shitty feelings and my loss of my sweet boy. I couldn't really look back at this thread because it always makes me weep out of the kindness and support you guys gave. You guys are awesome, and much love.
I was laying in bed all day long and getting out of bed to day drink/afternoon drink and barely eating. I went on a liquor run, and was pretty buzzed-up,and drunkenly got into it with some anti-masker dudes at the liquor. It was one loud dude mouthing off epithets, and when I got to my car he and his buddies beauty ass pretty good.
I was sore and I cracked my nose, and if I coughed or sneezed blood would pour from my nose like a faucet. I sat at home drunk for about five days dealing with it, bleeding everywhere. I don't have insurance and am paranoid about the Covid new infective strains soI just tried to take care of it myself. On the fifth day my one friend I have left forced me to go the hospital. I ended up spending 3 days in the ER and received 4 pints of blood and a ton of saline. If my buddy didn't drag me to the doc, I would most likely been dead, from blood loss from my nose. Ridiculous, but I just was kind of done. I fucking gave up. Everything I gave a shit about was gone so I didn't really see any point in going on, like I had a good run, time to clock out.
I've been sober for two weeks now (I occasionally smoke a joint here and there) , and I am now a huge Topo Chico-holic. Its really odd to me how close to dying I came, but also I can believe it because it was just such an easy way out, no noose-tying, or gun in my mouth.
Once again, I am not looking for any pity or attention or insistence that I'm worse off than anyone else, or my pain and sadness are just like everyone else's. I just need to get it off my chest. Amazingly enough, this thread has been a godsend (for lack of a better word) for me.
Thank you guys for the kind words and support. I love you all for that.
Also, thank you Sebastian for forcing to get off my ass, if it wasn't for you, I just wouldn't be here anymore, you saved my life. May you never have to buy a drink again, and even though you have your own wife and 5 year old daughter, you made time to help me.
Once again, I am a weepy mess, but its okay. I'm alive, and not auto-piloting with that awfully stubborn/dumb routine I was content with. I'm keeping busy by cleaning all the goddamn blood everywhere on everything. That feeling of restless its there, but its okay.
Much love guys, and I can't thank you enough for your support and this thread.
Its weird, I just might just delete this post because I feel so pathetic/embarrassed about how its all turned out. Its also awesome that I found my little safe area to speak out, on SLAP.
I can't thank you guys enough. I lurked these boards for a while and made an account to call out some San Diego skate kookiness, and ended up bearing my soul to strangers, who honestly react more genuine and actually hear me than actual people.
I grew up in rural South Dakota and the few friends I have from high school have gone full Qanon/covid denial. The old folks home I used to volunteer at got breached with covid. Half the residents died, while staff worked overtime while sick with covid themselves. Of course the people I grew up with have postured themselves in a way that they are tough for not giving a fuck about covid. My brother and my dad are high risk as well.
Reading this thread made me tear up a little bit. Growing up, alot of my message board friends knew me better than my irl friends. I'm glad this got stickied.
I’m sorry if I’ve been shitty to any of you or if my jokes about my experiences with mental illness have caused anybody pain. Despite my best efforts, I am accustomed to a surly and irreverent disposition, and it is because of how badly I’ve been hurt. Don’t let me discourage you. I’m right there with you. I don’t cheer, but I’ll make us coffee.Make mine a triple espresso and we’re good.
Espressos and bear claws coming up!
i've been coming into this thread and reading what everyone has been sharing, and i really do appreciate y'all and i am inspired by y'all...your honesty and sincerity, your caring and patience, your strength and resilience, your trust and compassion...SLAP has a lot of highs and lows, and this thread is truly one of its high bright places.Dang Deputy Wendell.
you know, i'm pretty far along in life--i'll be 50 this month--and in a fairly solid place in life...emotionally, spiritually, and--for what it is worth--economically...the latter of which does not matter a lot, really, and it seems silly mentioning it, but life experience has taught me that it makes a difference...in retrospect, a lot of what i have dealt with when i was younger was compounded by poverty, so i don't want to be dismissive about material circumstances, and how they can make bad situations worse.
we did lose my mom to Covid this past October, and i caught it when i was taking care of her (before we had to get her into the hospital) and had a minor to moderate bout with it...i never thought i was going to need to go to the hospital myself, but it was the sickest i've ever been. i was teaching 3 different classes at 2 different universities through all of this, while getting sicker and having to make this call to the hospital every day, knowing that there would not be good news--she was 77 and had diabetes, so it really was brutal to her...at one point her lungs collapsed, at another point her kidneys failed. truly the hardest two weeks of my life, and i know i am still dealing with some kind of--dare i say--PTSD from it.
i did ultimately have to have 2 of my classes assigned to another instructor unfortunately, but the English department at that university really had my back, i'm grateful to say. as a literature and writing professor (adjunct), teaching through Zoom has not been as bad as i thought it was going to be when the pandemic really started changing things--and i deal with students' tears at least once a semester in a "normal" semester--but since the pandemic changed our lives, i have had a number of students break down weeping during conferences and office hours, and i've done my best to make sure they know that they are not alone, and i've done everything i can to be as flexible as possible with work and due dates and all, but it has been an emotionally trying time just trying to maintain my own emotional well being when i feel so powerless to help some of my students in these moments....thank god for a little Maker's Mark at the ends of those days.
still, things could be worse and i'm grateful and i'm especially concerned with counting my blessings on the daily, and never taking anyone or anything for granted. one of the biggest challenges since my mom passed, is i have a younger sister (in her late 40s) who is developmentally disabled (and i believe autistic, although they didn't really look for that when she was younger), she has lived with my mom her entire life, in mom's house her entire life, and has not worked in almost 20 years, and she is now my responsibility...i love her, she is quite innocent, but i also feel quite overwhelmed too at times.
ok, thank-you for taking the time to listen/read if you did...i just figured since i have been coming in here and reading what people have been sharing, i'd share myself, and i'm sure i'm leaving plenty out.
y'all are inspiring and i hope and pray for the best for ya'll...
@Deputy Wendell
yo my gun toting lefty, shreddin breddren, I hope you're getting a chance to send some rounds down range. I haven't been out in a few months, but look forward to it in the near future. I'm driving across in June (fully vaxxed) and if I end up swinging thru Detroit way to see my cousin, I'll send ya a PM for a SLAP skate and shoot :o seriously, man, hope you're able to take good care.
i've been coming into this thread and reading what everyone has been sharing, and i really do appreciate y'all and i am inspired by y'all...
ok, thank-you for taking the time to listen/read if you did...i just figured since i have been coming in here and reading what people have been sharing, i'd share myself, and i'm sure i'm leaving plenty out.
y'all are inspiring and i hope and pray for the best for ya'll...
Things have continued to be tough. Still looking for local CBT. Trying not to resort to drugs/alcohol/sex as coping. Finding it very hard to feed myself or fill my time lately.
Every slip back into depression feels worse. Sometimes I literally have to force a mug of coffee to my mouth. Feels like there is no electricity running through my body at all. I was sitting beside the bath after washing my cat and my housemate came in to tell me she was going out but I just blanked out, stared into space and couldn't reply. I've been dealing with this for 15 years and have tried everything from therapy, psychedelics, a regular gym routine, meds, eating right etc. I guess i'm treatment resistant, or still havn't worked out my core issues.
I appear healthy but i've really been stuck in a cloud of doom for a long time.
I've been having a lot of suicidal thoughts over the past few days. In talks this week with my therapist and psychiatrist, both recommended some sort of meditative physical activity, so I went for a walk this afternoon. I ended up on the Williamsburg Bridge and I don't even remember going there. I kind of freaked out because the closest I had ever had to a plan was to jump off of a bridge. I had a crippling anxiety attack and then over the course of almost an hour, slowly managed to make it to the other side. I'm a real wreck right now.
Sorry if this isn't the right place for this. I don't interact with anybody regularly and I just felt like I had to tell somebody
Expand QuoteI've been having a lot of suicidal thoughts over the past few days. In talks this week with my therapist and psychiatrist, both recommended some sort of meditative physical activity, so I went for a walk this afternoon. I ended up on the Williamsburg Bridge and I don't even remember going there. I kind of freaked out because the closest I had ever had to a plan was to jump off of a bridge. I had a crippling anxiety attack and then over the course of almost an hour, slowly managed to make it to the other side. I'm a real wreck right now.
Sorry if this isn't the right place for this. I don't interact with anybody regularly and I just felt like I had to tell somebody[close]
This is the right place! Thanks for coming on here and letting us in, we are here to listen. I'm glad to hear that you managed to get yourself home.
Sounds like you got really scared and really need some understanding for how scary this was, is that right? I hope you're in a position to take good care of yourself now and can gradually get to a better place.
My dad passed away unexpectedly a month ago from what we believe was a heart attack. Ever since then I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about his life and became convinced he was on the autism spectrum. There were a lot of signs.
Then I started thinking about my own life and whether I also had autism, and so many of the struggles I’ve experienced all made sense. I’ve honestly felt cursed for most of my life, that for some reason I wasn’t allowed to be happy or to reach a certain level of achievement. But now it’s obvious that it was the programming I’ve been running.
Any other late diagnosis autists on here?
So Im a librarian and I found out I may lose my position to someone because their school is closing down and they have seniority. Now Im feeling disconnected from even doing my work. Plus to make matters worse my school is bringing back all the students onto campus starting next week so Im already anxious from that.
Fuck you guys and your bullshit posturing of helping
Expand QuoteFuck you guys and your bullshit posturing of helping[close]
Okay hold on
I understand you feel overlooked right now, and that's Okay. But this is Absolutely not the place to turn people into enemies. I'm not one to hold a grudge, but I very seriously suggest you reconsider your stance.
I don't know if you've noticed but everyone in this thread is mentally ill if not suicidal, often in distress if not danger, and most importantly: it's impossible for us to handle our own problems - so trying to handle our friends problems (Yes in here we are Friends) tends to require energy that we sometimes simply cannot find. And that's okay.
It's just a game of chance. We have all said things in here that get overlooked. It's impossible for everything to get the attention it deserves, but that is absolutely Nobody's fault. What we need exceeds what we can offer to each other, so in the meantime we have to trust that we're doing our best to respond when & how we Can.
I'm sorry your initial post didn't get responded to directly, but it did get responded to collectively - several times over. The same happens to me and to all of us over and over again. We have to have faith that everyone's listening - because everyone is. We're all struggling to take care of ourselves, let alone gather what strength remains to say "I need help". If we can even find the energy to call for help, it's very rare there's any left offer a response. I hope you can understand. Sometimes all we can muster is "fuck I'm sorry I can't respond to everyone but we're gonna get through this" or even "we've got this, stay strong!" Life is equally fucked for all of us; that's why we're here.
I'm very sorry you feel overlooked and that's Real. But what you decided to do about it is inappropriate. I am personally upset by that because I know what everyone puts into this thread. We have all been around since its inception and we wil stick around to see each other through our most pressing fears. If you want to start over from scratch, we will never Ever judge you. But the approach you decided to take to deal with your frustrations is not working.
I hope this message finds you well my friend. At the end of the day, please think nothing of it. And most importantly, I'm so sorry to hear about your father's sudden death & the very painful mysteries that have been left for an already heavy heart to parse through. That is a pain I can only imagine. We are here for you my friend. I do hope you can see that, because this space is rare. We have to keep it together.
Any PALs have experiences & information on late-life autism diagnoses? @brink would you consider yourself open to help out a friend in need?
Fuck you guys and your bullshit posturing of helping(.)
I'm not writing about myself. I'm writing about everybody in this thread, who you collectively toldExpand QuoteFuck you guys and your bullshit posturing of helping(.)[close]
Additionally it's going to make matters worse to resort to mocking. This is not about my mental illness (which I said on page 1 is STPD; it's not NPD), and this is not a place to jab. I understand you're still upset and that's okay. But nobody wants to gatekeep you; and there's no right or wrong way how this works. We (again, I am saying we) are all trying very hard to survive right now; sometimes we don't get responded to, and that has happened to me many times over. Again, I'm sorry that happened to you. It hurts a lot, because in a vulnerable moment it feels deliberate. But it happens to all of us, and we have to move on for each others sake. There's always a brighter moment ahead, and there's too much at stake as it is in this thread & in our lives.
If you say something to insult everyone in this thread I'm going to respond to that, and I'm also going to respond to your initial post when the time & energy is available. I understand you don't appreciate every paragraph of my initial response, and that's okay. I'm not perfect and I'm certainly not wise. Just please know that this thread is watched carefully by Admins who've said that mocking & trolling will not be tolerated. If we can't find a constructive way to respond to each other, it's best to talk it out in direct messages or to simply not resort to things like mockery and insults.
Fuck you guys and your bullshit posturing of helpingWhat is it you’d like to talk about? If you’re not doing good I’m down to talk.
What is it you’d like to talk about? If you’re not doing good I’m down to talk.Expand QuoteFuck you guys and your bullshit posturing of helping[close]
Don’t think if you’re needing a little help with words we’ll get back to you, sometimes sooner than later and Vice verse.
I lost my dad 4 years ago and I’m still bummed about it, however he’s been a subtle racist and an abuser. Yeah I had learned a lot of self reliance and reading compression and stoicism.Expand QuoteWhat is it you’d like to talk about? If you’re not doing good I’m down to talk.Expand QuoteFuck you guys and your bullshit posturing of helping[close]
Don’t think if you’re needing a little help with words we’ll get back to you, sometimes sooner than later and Vice verse.[close]
Thanks Fap. Appreciate it.
If anyone who has unexpectedly lost a parent wants to chime in on their experience that would be helpful.
Similarly if anyone has received a diagnosis that allowed them to make sense of their lives in a new light I’d love to hear about it.
Also, for everyone who has come to terms with being nuerodiverse, what did that process look like for you?
I’ll collectively apologize to all of you for my response.
I am still in the anger phase of realizing that I went undiagnosed for the majority of my life and it’s difficult not to feel a very potent mix of regret, sadness, and absolute rage when I wonder how differently my life could have turned out.
Expand QuoteWhat is it you’d like to talk about? If you’re not doing good I’m down to talk.Expand QuoteFuck you guys and your bullshit posturing of helping[close]
Don’t think if you’re needing a little help with words we’ll get back to you, sometimes sooner than later and Vice verse.[close]
Thanks Fap. Appreciate it.
If anyone who has unexpectedly lost a parent wants to chime in on their experience that would be helpful.
Similarly if anyone has received a diagnosis that allowed them to make sense of their lives in a new light I’d love to hear about it.
Also, for everyone who has come to terms with being nuerodiverse, what did that process look like for you?
I’ll collectively apologize to all of you for my response.
I am still in the anger phase of realizing that I went undiagnosed for the majority of my life and it’s difficult not to feel a very potent mix of regret, sadness, and absolute rage when I wonder how differently my life could have turned out.
@culdesac my dad was undiagnosed bipolar/kitchen sink of diagnoses UNTIL my parents divorce in my teens. I was deeply struggling with an ED, my own clinical depression, drug use, and now its like, damn alright so am I bipolar like my dad?
Short answer is yes, the long answer is no.
I literally don't even have the same form of Bipolar disorder. I'm also not a narcissist, its so different than what my dad was going through, and that made me feel better to some extent. I wasn't my father, nor his mistakes or idiosyncrasies.
I imagine its probably similar, I think learning about this part of you will help you a lot and answer some questions like you said it would, but its also about your journey. Maybe I'm projecting but it was really hard for me to separate myself from my dads problems, and look at this as something that was mine and not passed down like some curse. I had to own it.
Brink was kind enough to dm with me and share some of his experiences. He is against self-diagnosis and recommended speaking to a professional to get diagnosed.
I’ve reached out to a few people for specialists and will be undergoing a diagnosis in the hopefully not too distant future to get a better idea of what I’m working with.
Appreciate the support from everyone. This is an overwhelming time, and to be shown all this kindness means a lot.
My dad passed away unexpectedly a month ago from what we believe was a heart attack. Ever since then I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about his life and became convinced he was on the autism spectrum. There were a lot of signs.
Then I started thinking about my own life and whether I also had autism, and so many of the struggles I’ve experienced all made sense. I’ve honestly felt cursed for most of my life, that for some reason I wasn’t allowed to be happy or to reach a certain level of achievement. But now it’s obvious that it was the programming I’ve been running.
Any other late diagnosis autists on here?
I'm feeling stupid that I'm posting in here for the reasons i am but whatever. My grandma had a stroke today and briefly lost the ability to talk. They recommended putting her in a home but my family is going to hopefully try to take her home. I'd go see her but she lives up in Portland and I'm stuck down here in San Diego. She's a giant blazers and chargers fan, and we both share the love of football and basketball. Damn i really wanted a fucking win tonight with what's going on with her but lost the game as well. I'm just gutted and defeated
Expand QuoteI'm feeling stupid that I'm posting in here for the reasons i am but whatever. My grandma had a stroke today and briefly lost the ability to talk. They recommended putting her in a home but my family is going to hopefully try to take her home. I'd go see her but she lives up in Portland and I'm stuck down here in San Diego. She's a giant blazers and chargers fan, and we both share the love of football and basketball. Damn i really wanted a fucking win tonight with what's going on with her but lost the game as well. I'm just gutted and defeated[close]
Hey man, I'm sorry to hear about your grandma and that you can't go and see her in this situation. This is one of the fears I sometimes have myself, that something might happen to one of my folks and I might not be able to go to support them, esp since the pandemic (I live like two continents away). I've been blessed with good luck so far though, knock on wood.
I think the fact that you really want to go and see your grandma means that you have a meaningful relationship with her, which is beautiful to hear. I hope your family can find a way to deal with the situation, and that you can go and see her soon.
Expand QuoteExpand QuoteI'm feeling stupid that I'm posting in here for the reasons i am but whatever. My grandma had a stroke today and briefly lost the ability to talk. They recommended putting her in a home but my family is going to hopefully try to take her home. I'd go see her but she lives up in Portland and I'm stuck down here in San Diego. She's a giant blazers and chargers fan, and we both share the love of football and basketball. Damn i really wanted a fucking win tonight with what's going on with her but lost the game as well. I'm just gutted and defeated[close]
Hey man, I'm sorry to hear about your grandma and that you can't go and see her in this situation. This is one of the fears I sometimes have myself, that something might happen to one of my folks and I might not be able to go to support them, esp since the pandemic (I live like two continents away). I've been blessed with good luck so far though, knock on wood.
I think the fact that you really want to go and see your grandma means that you have a meaningful relationship with her, which is beautiful to hear. I hope your family can find a way to deal with the situation, and that you can go and see her soon.[close]
Thanks man. She's doing better right now. My mom got to facetime with her and she was able to answer simple questions. She's been kind of out of it the past couple years and my dad's parents are gone. Her and my grandpa are the only ones left. I'm gonna try and go up there myself by the end of the year hopefully to spend some time with them
So I’m having a difficult time with being around my mom for more than a few minutes, she’s getting up there in age alongside her COPD dementia I’m feeling really overwhelmed.
I’ve been trying my best to check in with myself to let me know how I am feeling and it’s not going that well.
Apart from that I’ve also been feeling like this is not really worth the investment, my life skills have taught me at anytime my safety and housing situation is never guaranteed even with family.
If my living situation isn’t 100% then I’m not going to stay somewhere I’m not wanted.
To be honest with you guy’s, I fucking cannot stand my mom, I know I know it sounds edgy and whatnot I get I really do, my mom left when I was 2 and I’m here picking up the pieces my older siblings don’t want to deal with.Expand QuoteSo I’m having a difficult time with being around my mom for more than a few minutes, she’s getting up there in age alongside her COPD dementia I’m feeling really overwhelmed.
I’ve been trying my best to check in with myself to let me know how I am feeling and it’s not going that well.
Apart from that I’ve also been feeling like this is not really worth the investment, my life skills have taught me at anytime my safety and housing situation is never guaranteed even with family.
If my living situation isn’t 100% then I’m not going to stay somewhere I’m not wanted.[close]
Hey Fapo,
This sounds like a very challenging situation. My father and his second wife are dealing with a vaguley similar situation with her mom (thankfully without the dementia), who is like 87 and rather tottery but still insists she can do everything (including driving a car) and that she doesn't need any help. Now she's been diagnosed with cancer, so they've been living with her for several months now.
It sounds like you really need to make sure that you're safe emotionally and in practical terms (housing etc), and that whatever you invest emotionally is going to lead to a good outcome, am I getting that right? Getting rejected is tough (to be honest there's hardly anything I'm personally more scared of), especially by someone you love. I imagine that your mom doesn't get what she needs either and doesn't know how to ask for understanding and help. Listening to how you feel and expressing it is the way to go, in any case. Hope you can figure this out.
Also, to the poster who posted about his breakup after 10 years (can't find the post now and can't remember who you were, sorry): I feel your pain. The longest I'd ever been together with a girl I eventually broke up with was 5 years and it ripped my heart out. Happened 20 years ago and the memory still makes me shudder. Good on you for reaching out for support, when it happened to me it felt like the foundations of my world had been blown up and I got seriously depressed for over a year. All I can say is that it gets better with time, and with talking about it and not keeping it in. Reach out to me if you want to talk about it.
I reckon all that autistic stuff is just industry of putting people in boxes
No shit my mothers technically a teacher and was a lecturer on this shit and wrote a bunch of packages
Shits an industry deadset expose yourself to more stimuli everyone gets scared and weird conquer your fears people
I am not talking about hardcore autists here but I suspect none will be posting
Asd is an industry it’s just anxiety lads
I was happy for awhile after focusing all my socials 2 years back but I couldn’t help but feel lonely and isolated since all my friends are on social media. And lately I feel like I’ve been living under a rock and I don’t know what’s going on around me. I barely talk to anyone. I’m always alone and feel like I’m all by myself. The only thing I look forward to is running and riding my bike and entering marathons, triathlons when I go back home. I want to skate but I’m too frustrated to do so since I suck. Tried to learn back tails for 2 years and haven’t landed one. And skating where I live is too damn boring. Almost everyone of my friends quit cuz skateboarding is dead here.
Also going sober is one of the reasons.
I’ve contemplated suicide and tried hanging myself last month but was way too pussy to do it. I just feel lost and lonely. I’ve also been unemployed. Can’t go back home to the Philippines. Tickets are way too expensive now. I hate where I live and I’ve been trying to get out for a period of time now
Haven’t talked to anyone about this and I’m not used to opening up anymore. From April through May I literally didn’t talk to anyone and I think I only spoke 2 sentences during that time.
My dog also died last year and he was my bestfriend and the only person I opened up. It’s been rough trying to move on from his death. At his last moment I tried resuscitating him and saw the last breath he took right before he died. A friend of mine who I made plans of going on vacation back home also died last year.
Most of the time I think about dying
I was happy for awhile after focusing all my socials 2 years back but I couldn’t help but feel lonely and isolated since all my friends are on social media. And lately I feel like I’ve been living under a rock and I don’t know what’s going on around me. I barely talk to anyone. I’m always alone and feel like I’m all by myself. The only thing I look forward to is running and riding my bike and entering marathons, triathlons when I go back home. I want to skate but I’m too frustrated to do so since I suck. Tried to learn back tails for 2 years and haven’t landed one. And skating where I live is too damn boring. Almost everyone of my friends quit cuz skateboarding is dead here.
Also going sober is one of the reasons.
I’ve contemplated suicide and tried hanging myself last month but was way too pussy to do it. I just feel lost and lonely. I’ve also been unemployed. Can’t go back home to the Philippines. Tickets are way too expensive now. I hate where I live and I’ve been trying to get out for a period of time now
Haven’t talked to anyone about this and I’m not used to opening up anymore. From April through May I literally didn’t talk to anyone and I think I only spoke 2 sentences during that time.
My dog also died last year and he was my bestfriend and the only person I opened up. It’s been rough trying to move on from his death. At his last moment I tried resuscitating him and saw the last breath he took right before he died. A friend of mine who I made plans of going on vacation back home also died last year.
Most of the time I think about dying
Expand QuoteI reckon all that autistic stuff is just industry of putting people in boxes
No shit my mothers technically a teacher and was a lecturer on this shit and wrote a bunch of packages
Shits an industry deadset expose yourself to more stimuli everyone gets scared and weird conquer your fears people
I am not talking about hardcore autists here but I suspect none will be posting
Asd is an industry it’s just anxiety lads[close]
matty c just cause you and your mom dont believe in high functioning autism dont make it so
mate I agree about an industry and ching ching stuff
but mate you really need to not invalidate those who identify as high functioning asd
you and your mom are fully wrong on this one mate
feel free to friendly argue it out if your want
as I know you're kinda sensitive about it
re Brink meltdown
I'm currently doing well. Got my weekly therapist meeting tomorrow morning. Marriage seems to be on a sharp upward trajectory after years of conflict.
Just goes to show that it can always get better, I was really low for a really long time and didn't talk to the people I should have. Almost destroyed the best thing in my life because of it. And you know what? Even if I had destroyed that, life would still go on, and things would settle out.
Life is hard, and I'm sure I have some lows in my future. But if I look myself in the mirror every morning and evaluate my headspace, and then share that with the people who matter, and also limit the fuck any social media because that shit is poison, I'll keep it going.
Y'all got this.
Expand QuoteI'm currently doing well. Got my weekly therapist meeting tomorrow morning. Marriage seems to be on a sharp upward trajectory after years of conflict.
Just goes to show that it can always get better, I was really low for a really long time and didn't talk to the people I should have. Almost destroyed the best thing in my life because of it. And you know what? Even if I had destroyed that, life would still go on, and things would settle out.
Life is hard, and I'm sure I have some lows in my future. But if I look myself in the mirror every morning and evaluate my headspace, and then share that with the people who matter, and also limit the fuck any social media because that shit is poison, I'll keep it going.
Y'all got this.[close]
Sounds great man, glad to hear it, especially about your relationship improving. If you don't mind I'd be interested in hearing what you did (and are doing) to turn it around!
Much love to all.
So as most of you’ll know I’ve been having issues with exwife, my mum, and life in general, I think I’ve reached a point where I’m happy where I’m at.
I finally moved out of my mom’s house do to her toxic narcissistically cruel behavior to treat me like a little kid, I finally pushed the fuck it button to move out and get my own efficiency apt. In the mean time till I’m approved my friend/girl her father is a professional Santa Clause and I’m renting a room for $300 and I don’t feel the least bit bad either about abandoning my mom for her abhorrent behavior.
Thanks man, I’m excited to see my path going upwards instead of plateauing. I’ve been coming to a precipice of becoming more balanced with life in general and putting different eggs in not the same basket.Expand QuoteSo as most of you’ll know I’ve been having issues with exwife, my mum, and life in general, I think I’ve reached a point where I’m happy where I’m at.
I finally moved out of my mom’s house do to her toxic narcissistically cruel behavior to treat me like a little kid, I finally pushed the fuck it button to move out and get my own efficiency apt. In the mean time till I’m approved my friend/girl her father is a professional Santa Clause and I’m renting a room for $300 and I don’t feel the least bit bad either about abandoning my mom for her abhorrent behavior.[close]
Fuck yeah Fapo!
Thanks man, I’m excited to see my path going upwards instead of plateauing. I’ve been coming to a precipice of becoming more balanced with life in general and putting different eggs in not the same basket.Expand QuoteExpand QuoteSo as most of you’ll know I’ve been having issues with exwife, my mum, and life in general, I think I’ve reached a point where I’m happy where I’m at.
I finally moved out of my mom’s house do to her toxic narcissistically cruel behavior to treat me like a little kid, I finally pushed the fuck it button to move out and get my own efficiency apt. In the mean time till I’m approved my friend/girl her father is a professional Santa Clause and I’m renting a room for $300 and I don’t feel the least bit bad either about abandoning my mom for her abhorrent behavior.[close]
Fuck yeah Fapo![close]
Save coin for deposit/rent money and just bide my time at this place, I like this gal but I think I’ve been feeling my age recently and I’m just glad she understands that I’m not trying to jump in to another rebound relationship as that doesn’t usually end well.
She said hey let’s keep things as friends for now and have open options so we can just keep things not so serious, I really value that.
Sitting in the emergency vet room for 4 hours as of right now while my 7yr old Blue Heeler is getting tests. 3rd time this month, but he hasn't eaten in 3 days and now we even drink water. He's been on antibiotics a month now for bloody mucus from his nose and a fever. Vet thought he might gotten grass stuck in his nose at first, but now there's open sores blossoming around his mouth, in his ears, and his eyes leak bloody puss now too. Barely able to stand up and walk.Yeah dude sounds like she’s projecting and I’m sorry you’re going through this but it sounds like she’s a selfish cunt who’s using again if that was an issue beforehand….?
My wife "went out with her boss got a beer" at 830 feisty before last. She never came home until it was breaking dawn. I work 12 hour shifts 6am-6pm. We have a 4yr old son who I couldn't leave home alone so I had to call off work, using my last Day for the year. Now if I actually get sick before Jan 1st I'll lose my union job. I'm 45, she's 43, but recently reconnected with horrible friend who just moved back from FL. Coke addict. My wife refuses to take a drug test even though I said I'd take one at the same time.
So 5 times in 2 months she's stayed out partying with her friends. 2 times even taking our son with her for the night. I was a heroin addict for almost 20 yrs. Haven't relapsed in 5 years, not since our son was born. But this morning both calling divorce lawyers, because my wife's response is "I'm allowed to go out. Your just trying to control me", my dog/best friend is dieing, and I caught myself thinking about driving to Baltimore or Philly to get away and it instantly scared me. I go to a program, and luckily have a good counciler who I'll call tomorrow. I'm at a loss right now. We should've stayed in Colorado where my wife had supportive friends instead of moving back to MD where everyone is dead, divorced, can't see their children for years because CPS, or still actively using etc... Just a bad scene overall and I'm having a hard time with the pressure. Had to put it out there somewhere, might as well be SLAP.
Expand QuoteExpand QuoteI'm currently doing well. Got my weekly therapist meeting tomorrow morning. Marriage seems to be on a sharp upward trajectory after years of conflict.
Just goes to show that it can always get better, I was really low for a really long time and didn't talk to the people I should have. Almost destroyed the best thing in my life because of it. And you know what? Even if I had destroyed that, life would still go on, and things would settle out.
Life is hard, and I'm sure I have some lows in my future. But if I look myself in the mirror every morning and evaluate my headspace, and then share that with the people who matter, and also limit the fuck any social media because that shit is poison, I'll keep it going.
Y'all got this.[close]
Sounds great man, glad to hear it, especially about your relationship improving. If you don't mind I'd be interested in hearing what you did (and are doing) to turn it around!
Much love to all.[close]
Wish I could tell you what actually worked, besides my wife being a saint. Did some couples counseling earlier into our troubles, but neither of us were seeing eye to eye and we ended it and focused on individual therapy which happened to help more. For me it was a several year process of evaluating myself, turns out I was pretty selfish in the day-to-day of our relationship. I wasn't really understanding my role in making things function. Wife is a super planner, and just naturally gets everything done. I'm a super procrastinator and better at taking the backseat and being given instructions. Her emotions are crazy powerful and my reaction to them basically crippled any healing so we got in this vicious cycle.
I think being madly in love helped a lot. No matter how bad shit was getting, we would find those moments of clarity and see the other person for who they are. In the thick of it we both lost that feeling, her more than I. But she remembered, so she read relationship books, mental health podcasts, self help stuff. It was just a several year process of us evaluating what we do, and taking it to make it better. Hell, the last big thing we did was separate for a couple weeks not too long ago. Something triggered after that and I've just been functioning much better with her.
Long story short, what I'm doing is thinking small. Not just, how am I today, but how am I *right now*. Not just what needs to get done today, but what can I get done right now, etc. And if I feel that floor dropping away feeling, stop and evaluate, and keep an open avenue of communication
this all sounds eerily familiar. you and i are in the same boat my friend. i dont have any advice other than take some personal space when you can.Expand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand QuoteI'm currently doing well. Got my weekly therapist meeting tomorrow morning. Marriage seems to be on a sharp upward trajectory after years of conflict.
Just goes to show that it can always get better, I was really low for a really long time and didn't talk to the people I should have. Almost destroyed the best thing in my life because of it. And you know what? Even if I had destroyed that, life would still go on, and things would settle out.
Life is hard, and I'm sure I have some lows in my future. But if I look myself in the mirror every morning and evaluate my headspace, and then share that with the people who matter, and also limit the fuck any social media because that shit is poison, I'll keep it going.
Y'all got this.[close]
Sounds great man, glad to hear it, especially about your relationship improving. If you don't mind I'd be interested in hearing what you did (and are doing) to turn it around!
Much love to all.[close]
Wish I could tell you what actually worked, besides my wife being a saint. Did some couples counseling earlier into our troubles, but neither of us were seeing eye to eye and we ended it and focused on individual therapy which happened to help more. For me it was a several year process of evaluating myself, turns out I was pretty selfish in the day-to-day of our relationship. I wasn't really understanding my role in making things function. Wife is a super planner, and just naturally gets everything done. I'm a super procrastinator and better at taking the backseat and being given instructions. Her emotions are crazy powerful and my reaction to them basically crippled any healing so we got in this vicious cycle.
I think being madly in love helped a lot. No matter how bad shit was getting, we would find those moments of clarity and see the other person for who they are. In the thick of it we both lost that feeling, her more than I. But she remembered, so she read relationship books, mental health podcasts, self help stuff. It was just a several year process of us evaluating what we do, and taking it to make it better. Hell, the last big thing we did was separate for a couple weeks not too long ago. Something triggered after that and I've just been functioning much better with her.
Long story short, what I'm doing is thinking small. Not just, how am I today, but how am I *right now*. Not just what needs to get done today, but what can I get done right now, etc. And if I feel that floor dropping away feeling, stop and evaluate, and keep an open avenue of communication[close]
Spoke too soon.
Pretty sure we can't heal at this point.
She just gets completely stuck on fear, disappointment, etc. (No blame at all, she's had a rough life. And I laid a very weak foundation as a partner) Projects literally everything negative onto me as soon as she feels negative. And then I have only enough stamina to take it for a day or two. Trying to remain positive, hear her concerns, react, acknowledge, etc. My resolve fading the whole time. Then I finally crack and say anything, the tiniest thing negative, about what's going on and she acts like I attacked her.
I could stick it out for the rest of my life probably. Not a good thing, but I wouldn't leave her. As long as she could understand that projecting all of the negativity inherently leads to massively negative circumstances, and we'll have a rough few days every month. But she doesn't understand, she wants to put her entire world on me, but expects me to execute a flawless succession of moves, or it's just another in a long list of things I did wrong.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CS29dG_MdSm/?utm_medium=copy_link
https://www.instagram.com/p/CS29dG_MdSm/?utm_medium=copy_linkThanks for this fellow "Matty"
I'm gonna be moving out of my mom's place for the first time. Me and my gf bought a place and I'm exicted but really anxious. There are times when I have some heavy breathing and anxiety about the change. I've been mentally preparing myself for a while now but I know my anxiety will hit me hard when the time comes.
been having pulsatile tinnitus in my right ear and it’s fucking me up mentally .. hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t dealt with it
Expand Quotebeen having pulsatile tinnitus in my right ear and it’s fucking me up mentally .. hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t dealt with it[close]
Sorry to hear that friend. :( I've had it for a couple of years, but it has since disappeared. It got so annoying I'd have to smack my ear to get some relief. Occasionally I'd be beating my head in public and got some crazy looks, but what can ya do...
Expand QuoteExpand Quotebeen having pulsatile tinnitus in my right ear and it’s fucking me up mentally .. hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t dealt with it[close]
Sorry to hear that friend. :( I've had it for a couple of years, but it has since disappeared. It got so annoying I'd have to smack my ear to get some relief. Occasionally I'd be beating my head in public and got some crazy looks, but what can ya do...[close]
ive tried smacking my head and that doesn’t work .. besides that, do you have any other techniques that helped? mine starts at night when i lay in bed and usually least until late morning. it’s is so loud and distracting and it’s fucking me up ..
been having pulsatile tinnitus in my right ear and it’s fucking me up mentally .. hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t dealt with it
Expand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand Quotebeen having pulsatile tinnitus in my right ear and it’s fucking me up mentally .. hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t dealt with it[close]
Sorry to hear that friend. :( I've had it for a couple of years, but it has since disappeared. It got so annoying I'd have to smack my ear to get some relief. Occasionally I'd be beating my head in public and got some crazy looks, but what can ya do...[close]
ive tried smacking my head and that doesn’t work .. besides that, do you have any other techniques that helped? mine starts at night when i lay in bed and usually least until late morning. it’s is so loud and distracting and it’s fucking me up ..[close]
Riding my bike until complete exhaustion helped with falling asleep. Otherwise, I'd get insomnia from the fucking wind sound and weird pressure. The bad part is, you'll need to ride more and more miles because your body adapts, pretty soon you'll be riding 80 miles a day just to sleep. Shit wrecked my mental health, I felt like I was going insane, I don't know how my husband tolerated my constant complaining. The man deserves a medal. Hopefully yours goes away. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Expand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand Quotebeen having pulsatile tinnitus in my right ear and it’s fucking me up mentally .. hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t dealt with it[close]
Sorry to hear that friend. :( I've had it for a couple of years, but it has since disappeared. It got so annoying I'd have to smack my ear to get some relief. Occasionally I'd be beating my head in public and got some crazy looks, but what can ya do...[close]
ive tried smacking my head and that doesn’t work .. besides that, do you have any other techniques that helped? mine starts at night when i lay in bed and usually least until late morning. it’s is so loud and distracting and it’s fucking me up ..[close]
Riding my bike until complete exhaustion helped with falling asleep. Otherwise, I'd get insomnia from the fucking wind sound and weird pressure. The bad part is, you'll need to ride more and more miles because your body adapts, pretty soon you'll be riding 80 miles a day just to sleep. Shit wrecked my mental health, I felt like I was going insane, I don't know how my husband tolerated my constant complaining. The man deserves a medal. Hopefully yours goes away. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.[close]
thx t .. i went to sleep and woke up with the thumping again today .. worked out and it hadn’t come back yet . great advice as i think the extra blood circulating may be beneficial . thx for reaching out friend
Expand Quotebeen having pulsatile tinnitus in my right ear and it’s fucking me up mentally .. hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t dealt with it[close]
damn, G. it's hard to adapt. I've been living with standard (if there is such a thing) tinnitus for about 2 years now. the first 6 months were very, very challenging. Definitely grieved silence. It sucks.
The most helpful things I've found are to have noise in the house, music, white noise, fan, etc. Have you tried techniques to keep your blood pressure regulated? Drugs like caffeine and even weed at first made mine worse. Most helpful at night, for sleep, is running a fan, pointed at the wall, on a medium-high settings. stress gets me jacked up too, so even though it's noisy now, meditation really helps with regulation. might have something to do with learning to be aware v react.
good luck man. I hope you get to see a specialist. I've read that pulsatile tinnitus often has a root cause and can be treated.
Expand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand Quotebeen having pulsatile tinnitus in my right ear and it’s fucking me up mentally .. hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t dealt with it[close]
Sorry to hear that friend. :( I've had it for a couple of years, but it has since disappeared. It got so annoying I'd have to smack my ear to get some relief. Occasionally I'd be beating my head in public and got some crazy looks, but what can ya do...[close]
ive tried smacking my head and that doesn’t work .. besides that, do you have any other techniques that helped? mine starts at night when i lay in bed and usually least until late morning. it’s is so loud and distracting and it’s fucking me up ..[close]
Riding my bike until complete exhaustion helped with falling asleep. Otherwise, I'd get insomnia from the fucking wind sound and weird pressure. The bad part is, you'll need to ride more and more miles because your body adapts, pretty soon you'll be riding 80 miles a day just to sleep. Shit wrecked my mental health, I felt like I was going insane, I don't know how my husband tolerated my constant complaining. The man deserves a medal. Hopefully yours goes away. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.[close]
thx t .. i went to sleep and woke up with the thumping again today .. worked out and it hadn’t come back yet . great advice as i think the extra blood circulating may be beneficial . thx for reaching out friend[close]
I've dealt with tinnitus for years. Last time it got really bad I just needed my ears cleaned out properly by a doctor. Have you had them checked out by anybody?
Expand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand Quotebeen having pulsatile tinnitus in my right ear and it’s fucking me up mentally .. hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t dealt with it[close]
Sorry to hear that friend. :( I've had it for a couple of years, but it has since disappeared. It got so annoying I'd have to smack my ear to get some relief. Occasionally I'd be beating my head in public and got some crazy looks, but what can ya do...[close]
ive tried smacking my head and that doesn’t work .. besides that, do you have any other techniques that helped? mine starts at night when i lay in bed and usually least until late morning. it’s is so loud and distracting and it’s fucking me up ..[close]
Riding my bike until complete exhaustion helped with falling asleep. Otherwise, I'd get insomnia from the fucking wind sound and weird pressure. The bad part is, you'll need to ride more and more miles because your body adapts, pretty soon you'll be riding 80 miles a day just to sleep. Shit wrecked my mental health, I felt like I was going insane, I don't know how my husband tolerated my constant complaining. The man deserves a medal. Hopefully yours goes away. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.[close]
thx t .. i went to sleep and woke up with the thumping again today .. worked out and it hadn’t come back yet . great advice as i think the extra blood circulating may be beneficial . thx for reaching out friend[close]
I've dealt with tinnitus for years. Last time it got really bad I just needed my ears cleaned out properly by a doctor. Have you had them checked out by anybody?[close]
i bought one of those earwax rx sprayers last night at walgreens as a last resort and nothing came out .. hoping for some answers tomorrow with my gp or at least a referral for an ent .. thx sila
Expand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand Quotebeen having pulsatile tinnitus in my right ear and it’s fucking me up mentally .. hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t dealt with it[close]
Sorry to hear that friend. :( I've had it for a couple of years, but it has since disappeared. It got so annoying I'd have to smack my ear to get some relief. Occasionally I'd be beating my head in public and got some crazy looks, but what can ya do...[close]
ive tried smacking my head and that doesn’t work .. besides that, do you have any other techniques that helped? mine starts at night when i lay in bed and usually least until late morning. it’s is so loud and distracting and it’s fucking me up ..[close]
Riding my bike until complete exhaustion helped with falling asleep. Otherwise, I'd get insomnia from the fucking wind sound and weird pressure. The bad part is, you'll need to ride more and more miles because your body adapts, pretty soon you'll be riding 80 miles a day just to sleep. Shit wrecked my mental health, I felt like I was going insane, I don't know how my husband tolerated my constant complaining. The man deserves a medal. Hopefully yours goes away. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.[close]
thx t .. i went to sleep and woke up with the thumping again today .. worked out and it hadn’t come back yet . great advice as i think the extra blood circulating may be beneficial . thx for reaching out friend[close]
I've dealt with tinnitus for years. Last time it got really bad I just needed my ears cleaned out properly by a doctor. Have you had them checked out by anybody?[close]
i bought one of those earwax rx sprayers last night at walgreens as a last resort and nothing came out .. hoping for some answers tomorrow with my gp or at least a referral for an ent .. thx sila
Expand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand Quotebeen having pulsatile tinnitus in my right ear and it’s fucking me up mentally .. hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t dealt with it[close]
Sorry to hear that friend. :( I've had it for a couple of years, but it has since disappeared. It got so annoying I'd have to smack my ear to get some relief. Occasionally I'd be beating my head in public and got some crazy looks, but what can ya do...[close]
ive tried smacking my head and that doesn’t work .. besides that, do you have any other techniques that helped? mine starts at night when i lay in bed and usually least until late morning. it’s is so loud and distracting and it’s fucking me up ..[close]
Riding my bike until complete exhaustion helped with falling asleep. Otherwise, I'd get insomnia from the fucking wind sound and weird pressure. The bad part is, you'll need to ride more and more miles because your body adapts, pretty soon you'll be riding 80 miles a day just to sleep. Shit wrecked my mental health, I felt like I was going insane, I don't know how my husband tolerated my constant complaining. The man deserves a medal. Hopefully yours goes away. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.[close]
thx t .. i went to sleep and woke up with the thumping again today .. worked out and it hadn’t come back yet . great advice as i think the extra blood circulating may be beneficial . thx for reaching out friend[close]
I've dealt with tinnitus for years. Last time it got really bad I just needed my ears cleaned out properly by a doctor. Have you had them checked out by anybody?[close]
i bought one of those earwax rx sprayers last night at walgreens as a last resort and nothing came out .. hoping for some answers tomorrow with my gp or at least a referral for an ent .. thx sila[close]
Hey @straight , tinnitus is one of those things where there is a bunch of snake oil salespeople who "sell cures". If you want, PM me and I can look into any therapy (empirically validated) approaches that are recommended by those ENTs or what you find online. To the best of my knowledge, at this point, there is no 100% "cure" for tinnitus.
Expand QuoteExpand Quotebeen having pulsatile tinnitus in my right ear and it’s fucking me up mentally .. hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t dealt with it[close]
damn, G. it's hard to adapt. I've been living with standard (if there is such a thing) tinnitus for about 2 years now. the first 6 months were very, very challenging. Definitely grieved silence. It sucks.
The most helpful things I've found are to have noise in the house, music, white noise, fan, etc. Have you tried techniques to keep your blood pressure regulated? Drugs like caffeine and even weed at first made mine worse. Most helpful at night, for sleep, is running a fan, pointed at the wall, on a medium-high settings. stress gets me jacked up too, so even though it's noisy now, meditation really helps with regulation. might have something to do with learning to be aware v react.
good luck man. I hope you get to see a specialist. I've read that pulsatile tinnitus often has a root cause and can be treated.[close]
i made an appt with my gp for tomorrow to take a look at my ear .. in the meantime ive been having blood work done because they’re trying to understand why i have lwbc .. have to get an ultrasound on my stomach and right nut cuz ive had chronic stomach pain for a year and 2 1/2 balls for a while now .. trying to stay positive but my mental state is pretty weak right now .. my grandma had bipolar and i think i may be dealing with that now . i get really moody but then when im happy it’s really happy . sorry for the vent
i appreciate you usedto .. it really means a lot because i don’t bring this up irl .. no one wants to hear about this shit because everyone i assume has their own issues .. the distractions like music and running my a/c on high while driving are helpful .. i know how standard tinnitus sounds in silence (and I imagine those with severe tinnitus, life would be debilitating) but this is different .. it’s like a damn drum in my right ear that won’t stop banging .. its audible but also physical as it feels like it’s a hiccup in my ear . and it’s 24/7
Shit, haven't posted on slap in a minute...but gotta get this off my chest.
I've been having a real tough go of it this past year and a half and my mental health has never been worse. Negative self-image, stressful/toxic work environment...something needs to change.
On top of everything I strained my calf a few days ago skating out front of my house and it has me down bad. For the past couple months I've been trying to skate a little bit every evening and it was doing wonders.
Hope everyone here is doing well, keep your heads up.
I hope so, I love skateboarding too much to lose it. I hate all these assholes trying to tell me it might be time to stop skateboarding, or getting injured is "what I get" for playing with a toy at my age.
It's such a cliche, but the whole "blank keeps me sane" really applies to skateboarding for me. I guess that comes with riding the thing for 20 years.
i tried mdma for the first time last night. i was expecting an uplifting response. instead, it turned out to be one of the most therapeutic moments of my life. it felt like my brain was rewiring itself. i got to experience all the traumas that i repress deep down and how they’ve been affecting me my entire life. how it shapes my behaviours and who i am. i’m learning how to let go and heal. i’m also learning how to drop my defences and be vulnerable. it felt like i was a kid again. innocent, confident, dumb, happy with a dash of fear. my friends shared a lot of personal traumas and that hurt a lot. everyone’s going through some shit and makes me appreciate everyone i come across from now on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vE2rEQBU8kM
this is fucking weird to do this here... but its a place i call home on the waves of the webIf you haven't yet, go out and skate asap. Human interaction is priceless. I hope you get to feeling better, and if wasn't on the complete opposite coast, I would be down to go skate :)
lurking to get passed anxiety or even getting a consumer high from the gear sale threads.
i feel like i hit a wall and dont know what to do. i used to skate to get by but i think after almost 15 years ive exhausted it. i cant even skate for fun now. even before covid i started working from home and i think thats been really messing with me. i dont get human interaction much. maybe when i go to drink with a friend. i feel so fucking dumb saying this because the answer seems simple. GO Skate.
fuck typing this i realize i should put in more effort to go out. i started therapy and shit. im trying everything i can but socializing. so as i typed this i called my homegirl and heading out to so cal on thursday.
any slap pals trying to skate there or in the bay area please hit me up.
If you haven't yet, go out and skate asap. Human interaction is priceless. I hope you get to feeling better, and if wasn't on the complete opposite coast, I would be down to go skate :)Expand Quotethis is fucking weird to do this here... but its a place i call home on the waves of the web
lurking to get passed anxiety or even getting a consumer high from the gear sale threads.
i feel like i hit a wall and dont know what to do. i used to skate to get by but i think after almost 15 years ive exhausted it. i cant even skate for fun now. even before covid i started working from home and i think thats been really messing with me. i dont get human interaction much. maybe when i go to drink with a friend. i feel so fucking dumb saying this because the answer seems simple. GO Skate.
fuck typing this i realize i should put in more effort to go out. i started therapy and shit. im trying everything i can but socializing. so as i typed this i called my homegirl and heading out to so cal on thursday.
any slap pals trying to skate there or in the bay area please hit me up.[close]
No problem at all man. If you ever need someone to vent to you can DM on here. There's no notifications but I will respond when I see it. Stay tough man and if nothing else just go for a roll.Expand QuoteIf you haven't yet, go out and skate asap. Human interaction is priceless. I hope you get to feeling better, and if wasn't on the complete opposite coast, I would be down to go skate :)Expand Quotethis is fucking weird to do this here... but its a place i call home on the waves of the web
lurking to get passed anxiety or even getting a consumer high from the gear sale threads.
i feel like i hit a wall and dont know what to do. i used to skate to get by but i think after almost 15 years ive exhausted it. i cant even skate for fun now. even before covid i started working from home and i think thats been really messing with me. i dont get human interaction much. maybe when i go to drink with a friend. i feel so fucking dumb saying this because the answer seems simple. GO Skate.
fuck typing this i realize i should put in more effort to go out. i started therapy and shit. im trying everything i can but socializing. so as i typed this i called my homegirl and heading out to so cal on thursday.
any slap pals trying to skate there or in the bay area please hit me up.[close][close]
hey this means a lot. i never expected slap to be a place to come and express this kind of stuff.
Anyone have a "bad apple" in the family that is not only self destructing, but also dangerous to the family as a whole? Like someone who clearly needs professional help, but would turn violent if you even suggested something is wrong with them?
My uncle is like that (when drunk, which is often) and he has been living with his parents after a failed relationship (has a kid, but they were never married) some 20 years ago. My grandpa died this year and he was the glue that held this status quo relatively benign. This is going to unravel slowly over the next decade or so.
However, my wife's brother is even worse than my uncle (although not alcoholic). And his uncle was the glue that kept him from doing anything stupid and he died of a stroke yesterday in front of him. This shit is probably going to unravel very fast in the next months and it is going to be an incredible psychological burden on his whole family, my wife included. Not to mention that his hyper-sensitivity to perceived provocations has been keeping everyone on edge for years now and that they're all already at their limits.
Feeling downright suicidal at times. Sucks butt. At times I'm ok but then others I'm absolutely drowning in sadness and the sadness is winning. I don't think my meds are sufficient.
First semester of community college. I remember senior year this wave of uncertainty I had about what I was going to do this year and I'm living my biggest fear. Tried out welding, seems ok but not sure if I really want to stay with it. Other classes had me really down as well and I took a bunch of adderall to knock out a semesters worth of work in a week. Really wish I could skate right now but it's freezing outside. Thinking about just dropping out but no idea what I would do besides work. Feeling generally shitty but trying to stay positive and find one good thing in every day.
By the time I get off work I’m so emotionally and physically drained that when I’m going to bed I feel like my frontal lobe is turning to mush. I’ve got nothing.
By the time I get off work I’m so emotionally and physically drained that when I’m going to bed I feel like my frontal lobe is turning to mush. I’ve got nothing.@Bunk Moreland I "lived" this way for a long fucking time. You can get away from it. It took me almost 20 years to change, don't wait that long. But once that feeling was behind me it was like I never felt it. An old construction worker told me once, Work to live..never live to work. I should of listened. Hope things get better for you soon man
Wife's pregnant (first one) and due in June so I've been a bit anxious stressed about the future, etc. But at the same time, excited and thankful...been skating as much as i can for relief / limited time ill have
Expand QuoteWife's pregnant (first one) and due in June so I've been a bit anxious stressed about the future, etc. But at the same time, excited and thankful...been skating as much as i can for relief / limited time ill have[close]
Congrats, bro! You're going to be alright since most people are when they have kids and none of them know beforehand what they're doing either. If you just stay focused on the kid and what (s)he needs, they usually cut you a break by starting with the simple stuff (food, sleep, diapers) before building up to harder problems (pretty much everything that comes after). So you could look at parenthood as a type of project in learning how to care for someone else, teaching them to care for themselves, and learning how to do all that at the same time as caring for yourself and your partner. It's hard as shit, but there's nothing quite like it and I bet you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who ever wanted to be a parent in the first place that would trade it back.Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.
Is anyone else having a hard time tonight?NYE always makes me sad. If you feel comfortable sharing, what's on your mind?
NYE always makes me sad. If you feel comfortable sharing, what's on your mind?Expand QuoteIs anyone else having a hard time tonight?[close]
Oh boy where to start, apart from my failed marriage to losing homies left and right and now my stepmum.
I’m feeling very drained, almost zapped in virility and many other feelings that seem to drain me.
I thought I’d add a few pictures for my own sanity.(https://i.ibb.co/2nvVppp/401-A3-EC6-97-B3-4-B8-C-8600-8-C82-F0-DA33-CC.jpg) (https://ibb.co/2nvVppp)(https://i.ibb.co/YhzjCSq/38-A5157-D-76-E4-407-D-9101-31-FA36-AF93-BD.jpg) (https://ibb.co/YhzjCSq)
Oh boy where to start, apart from my failed marriage to losing homies left and right and now my stepmum.that's a lot at once. hope it passes quickly. life always gets better if we give it time.
I’m feeling very drained, almost zapped in virility and many other feelings that seem to drain me.
I thought I’d add a few pictures for my own sanity.(https://i.ibb.co/2nvVppp/401-A3-EC6-97-B3-4-B8-C-8600-8-C82-F0-DA33-CC.jpg) (https://ibb.co/2nvVppp)(https://i.ibb.co/YhzjCSq/38-A5157-D-76-E4-407-D-9101-31-FA36-AF93-BD.jpg) (https://ibb.co/YhzjCSq)
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?
I can't handle the roller coaster of my marriage and I feel like a failure. She's just never fucking happy. We've been working at it for years at this point but it's like the good days don't matter for her. At her first inkling of trouble EVERYTHING about us goes on trial. She just hurts so strongly, and it's all directed at me. She's like the Energizer bunny and just never stops blaming judging fighting.Life is too short to have a spouse that drags you down. I have felt almost everything you just described. As an old friend once told me just gotta grab your balls and move on. Not saying that is what you need to do but it certainly was the right answer for me. Best of luck and feel free to dm me if shit gets heavy and you need an ear.
I feel like such a sap, I've had a million break through moments where I feel we've hit our stride and then I'm absolutely side lined when she senses trouble.
The issue is how much we fucking love each other for some reason. I just can't imagine we're wrong for each other no matter how much I can look at the last 9 years and see the shit we shouldn't have had to deal with on a regular basis.
Fuck.
Literally almost rented a room January 1 because she was so buried in negativity that anything I said was reacted to like I just slapped her. We decided to give it another go after days of fighting, against my better judgement. And here I am a few weeks later, when on our best day in recent history she tickles me too much and a laptop hits her in the face and now I'm fucking Mussolini again and everything I've ever done is on trial. Every attempt to bring us together is just slapped down. Fuck man writing this I seem insane to even be in the house anymore
Expand QuoteFirst semester of community college. I remember senior year this wave of uncertainty I had about what I was going to do this year and I'm living my biggest fear. Tried out welding, seems ok but not sure if I really want to stay with it. Other classes had me really down as well and I took a bunch of adderall to knock out a semesters worth of work in a week. Really wish I could skate right now but it's freezing outside. Thinking about just dropping out but no idea what I would do besides work. Feeling generally shitty but trying to stay positive and find one good thing in every day.[close]
hang in there. i'm a lot older, just started studying again, and everything is a mess right now. but we can do it if we stay with it. you'll be mad proud of yourself when you're done!
Anybody have any experience with online counseling/therapy? Specifically depression, but general experience welcome.Yup. Started online therapy in September 2020 for depression, still at it. Personally it took a while for me to see the benefits but I'm happy to have started. You (or anyone else) can hit the DM's if you want to ask me more about it.
disclaimer: This is a burner account. If that's a problem, I'm sorry, I will delete this, I just didn't want to use my main account.
I'm curious if anyone has felt a change in themselves toward evil? What caused someone like Charles Manson, or Rasputin, or David Koresh to become who they were? To use Hitler as an example, he was a racist, that's clearly where his hatred stemmed from, I'm not interested in examples like this. But these people who over time began to understand certain things about how to get what they wanted. Is it caused by a pre-existing mental condition? A moment that broke them? A slow burn towards evil? A conscious decision they made?
I've been let down by so many people so many times. Beginning with my father. My parents weren't divorced like many others, so I didn't come from a "broken home", but my father is/was not a good person. His life was driven primarily by his greed. I truly believe that money and his perceived financial success by others (particularly by his own father) were his priorities in life. Perhaps, in a way he could be considered an evil person. Now, in his old age, he's donating his time and money and whatnot to non-profit causes, but I see it as a front for him to be seen as a good person by other people.
As time went on I was let down by relationships and friendships, as well as jobs. I know that I'm probably just a naive fool who deserves all of these betrayals and disappointments just because I'm so gullible, but I keep hoping that the next person or situation will be different and keep trying to move forward.
However, recently, that's not true anymore. I've become less and less hopeful. I'm on the edge of deciding to become evil. I don't intend to harm anyone, but I am intending to lie and cheat and manipulate people to get what I want. I don't care about anyone else.
I wonder if this is a normal path that some people just take in life.
What would the world be without villains?
If I realize that I'm intending to be a villain, does that mean I'm not? Maybe true villains think they are doing something good and it's their oblivious drive toward their goals that make them who they are?
I really don't know why I felt like posting here... just the anonymity I suppose and the respect for the opinions and insights of many slappers.
I have identity issues that I guess I never really talk about and don't know how to talk about with my loved ones. I thought I could talk to my wife about it but I understand she isn't my therapist. I spend most days depressed in a fog which may or may not be linked to a neurological disorder that I second guess because I don't think I received a proper diagnosis. Meds help for sure but it feels embarrassing when people compare it to legal meth. Ive been raw dogging life mostly and I have a decent paying job and have health insurance but sitting down and taking calls back to back is so exhausting. I'm too exhausted to clean up after myself only until it gets unbearable. I know therapy would be good for me but its so hard to do anything for myself that I haven't scheduled anything yet, and when I'm in therapy I don't really open up. Maybe I wasn't in it long enough or just didn't vibe w me therapist enough to be completely open. I guess I'm just using this as my journal for right now, not asking for any advice specifically (though a tip or two I'd appreciate).
Any one ever feel trapped? I feel I'll never move out of this small shitty town, go back to school for what I want, or anything really.
Anyone else having trouble adjusting to adulthood? I'm 24 soon to be 25 and the reality that people are basically fighting each other over money to survive has just sunk in. Kinda embarassing how late i realized that. I was in school and doing internships so i was too busy to actually notice until now.
I just be looking at house prices, inflation, and looming issues and it just all seems sort of fucked.
It feels so weird to do anything for fun; like skate and play guitar. I always wanted to be a good skateboarder and play songs just for enjoyments sake. Now it just kinda feels like I'm wasting my time since i don't really want to be sponsored or write my own music.
I just see young people around me like slinging properties as realtors, working 60 hr weeks, commuting to jobs, selling themselves on only fans and it's like damn wtf am i doing?
I'll get strong migraines every once in a while just thinking about that shit. Maybe that's just life i suppose. Maybe i need an ssri subscription. Everything is just so weird.
Anyone else having trouble adjusting to adulthood? I'm 24 soon to be 25 and the reality that people are basically fighting each other over money to survive has just sunk in. Kinda embarassing how late i realized that. I was in school and doing internships so i was too busy to actually notice until now.
I just be looking at house prices, inflation, and looming issues and it just all seems sort of fucked.
It feels so weird to do anything for fun; like skate and play guitar. I always wanted to be a good skateboarder and play songs just for enjoyments sake. Now it just kinda feels like I'm wasting my time since i don't really want to be sponsored or write my own music.
I just see young people around me like slinging properties as realtors, working 60 hr weeks, commuting to jobs, selling themselves on only fans and it's like damn wtf am i doing?
I'll get strong migraines every once in a while just thinking about that shit. Maybe that's just life i suppose. Maybe i need an ssri subscription. Everything is just so weird.
Expand QuoteAnyone else having trouble adjusting to adulthood? I'm 24 soon to be 25 and the reality that people are basically fighting each other over money to survive has just sunk in. Kinda embarassing how late i realized that. I was in school and doing internships so i was too busy to actually notice until now.
I just be looking at house prices, inflation, and looming issues and it just all seems sort of fucked.
It feels so weird to do anything for fun; like skate and play guitar. I always wanted to be a good skateboarder and play songs just for enjoyments sake. Now it just kinda feels like I'm wasting my time since i don't really want to be sponsored or write my own music.
I just see young people around me like slinging properties as realtors, working 60 hr weeks, commuting to jobs, selling themselves on only fans and it's like damn wtf am i doing?
I'll get strong migraines every once in a while just thinking about that shit. Maybe that's just life i suppose. Maybe i need an ssri subscription. Everything is just so weird.[close]
I had no concept of a future until I was 30 and even then it was vague. Got a degree in my late 20s, but prior to that I worked like a motherfucker at low paying jobs and got fucked up all the time kinda because there was no idea of a future and when it came up, there was nothing, so the cycle continued. I stopped skating and playing guitar during my 20s. Those were really bad choices that took me til I was 35/36 to get back into.
I've been pretty bare minimum living most of my adult life and always, always hustling to make extra scratch. I don't come from a place where there's anything to be given or gifted to me in a financial or property sort of way, so it's make it work or don't do a damn thing.
I'm saying all this because if you give up on the things you love and enjoy because they're not making you $, you will be more unhappy than if you keep at it. Maybe take a break, but try to not quit. Music and skating have helped me so damn much.
While the world is fuxked up, especially right now, I don't envy folks your age who have grown up with the social media sphere and post 9/11 news world. Can't escape the doom scroll and that takes a toll. Its traumatic to be told we won't succeed or that things were better before and won't get better now. I honor that, homie but life got better for me after 24.. Shit at 24, I had so much dread and hopelessness that in tried to join the Navy. I'm a yoga and meditation teacher and social worker/counselor, and I tried to go in the military because the world seemed so fucked up. Shits real, trying to keep up. I can't keep up. Can't keep up. Can't keep up. Out of step!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gx6_wrFZcu0 (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gx6_wrFZcu0)
Real talk, there's times when I question my path and wish I had that govt health insurance or was making a good salary instead of finishing grad school and making $19/hr at 36, but all the people, most of em that I knew who didn't follow their heart but make the big bucks and have a big house, man, they're not living.
You got this.
Expand QuoteExpand QuoteAnyone else having trouble adjusting to adulthood? I'm 24 soon to be 25 and the reality that people are basically fighting each other over money to survive has just sunk in. Kinda embarassing how late i realized that. I was in school and doing internships so i was too busy to actually notice until now.
I just be looking at house prices, inflation, and looming issues and it just all seems sort of fucked.
It feels so weird to do anything for fun; like skate and play guitar. I always wanted to be a good skateboarder and play songs just for enjoyments sake. Now it just kinda feels like I'm wasting my time since i don't really want to be sponsored or write my own music.
I just see young people around me like slinging properties as realtors, working 60 hr weeks, commuting to jobs, selling themselves on only fans and it's like damn wtf am i doing?
I'll get strong migraines every once in a while just thinking about that shit. Maybe that's just life i suppose. Maybe i need an ssri subscription. Everything is just so weird.[close]
I had no concept of a future until I was 30 and even then it was vague. Got a degree in my late 20s, but prior to that I worked like a motherfucker at low paying jobs and got fucked up all the time kinda because there was no idea of a future and when it came up, there was nothing, so the cycle continued. I stopped skating and playing guitar during my 20s. Those were really bad choices that took me til I was 35/36 to get back into.
I've been pretty bare minimum living most of my adult life and always, always hustling to make extra scratch. I don't come from a place where there's anything to be given or gifted to me in a financial or property sort of way, so it's make it work or don't do a damn thing.
I'm saying all this because if you give up on the things you love and enjoy because they're not making you $, you will be more unhappy than if you keep at it. Maybe take a break, but try to not quit. Music and skating have helped me so damn much.
While the world is fuxked up, especially right now, I don't envy folks your age who have grown up with the social media sphere and post 9/11 news world. Can't escape the doom scroll and that takes a toll. Its traumatic to be told we won't succeed or that things were better before and won't get better now. I honor that, homie but life got better for me after 24.. Shit at 24, I had so much dread and hopelessness that in tried to join the Navy. I'm a yoga and meditation teacher and social worker/counselor, and I tried to go in the military because the world seemed so fucked up. Shits real, trying to keep up. I can't keep up. Can't keep up. Can't keep up. Out of step!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gx6_wrFZcu0 (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gx6_wrFZcu0)
Real talk, there's times when I question my path and wish I had that govt health insurance or was making a good salary instead of finishing grad school and making $19/hr at 36, but all the people, most of em that I knew who didn't follow their heart but make the big bucks and have a big house, man, they're not living.
You got this.[close]
as someone who is trying to get back into my hobbies at 30 I feel this post.
I never quit but I barely skated, made art, surfed since I got my first "big boy" job for 19 an hour... whats the point if I cant enjoy life. Plus im making a whopping 39k a year and am broker than ever. treadmill dang ole
Expand QuoteAnyone else having trouble adjusting to adulthood? I'm 24 soon to be 25 and the reality that people are basically fighting each other over money to survive has just sunk in. Kinda embarassing how late i realized that. I was in school and doing internships so i was too busy to actually notice until now.
I just be looking at house prices, inflation, and looming issues and it just all seems sort of fucked.
It feels so weird to do anything for fun; like skate and play guitar. I always wanted to be a good skateboarder and play songs just for enjoyments sake. Now it just kinda feels like I'm wasting my time since i don't really want to be sponsored or write my own music.
I just see young people around me like slinging properties as realtors, working 60 hr weeks, commuting to jobs, selling themselves on only fans and it's like damn wtf am i doing?
I'll get strong migraines every once in a while just thinking about that shit. Maybe that's just life i suppose. Maybe i need an ssri subscription. Everything is just so weird.[close]
I had no concept of a future until I was 30 and even then it was vague. Got a degree in my late 20s, but prior to that I worked like a motherfucker at low paying jobs and got fucked up all the time kinda because there was no idea of a future and when it came up, there was nothing, so the cycle continued. I stopped skating and playing guitar during my 20s. Those were really bad choices that took me til I was 35/36 to get back into.
I've been pretty bare minimum living most of my adult life and always, always hustling to make extra scratch. I don't come from a place where there's anything to be given or gifted to me in a financial or property sort of way, so it's make it work or don't do a damn thing.
I'm saying all this because if you give up on the things you love and enjoy because they're not making you $, you will be more unhappy than if you keep at it. Maybe take a break, but try to not quit. Music and skating have helped me so damn much.
While the world is fuxked up, especially right now, I don't envy folks your age who have grown up with the social media sphere and post 9/11 news world. Can't escape the doom scroll and that takes a toll. Its traumatic to be told we won't succeed or that things were better before and won't get better now. I honor that, homie but life got better for me after 24.. Shit at 24, I had so much dread and hopelessness that in tried to join the Navy. I'm a yoga and meditation teacher and social worker/counselor, and I tried to go in the military because the world seemed so fucked up. Shits real, trying to keep up. I can't keep up. Can't keep up. Can't keep up. Out of step!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gx6_wrFZcu0 (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gx6_wrFZcu0)
Real talk, there's times when I question my path and wish I had that govt health insurance or was making a good salary instead of finishing grad school and making $19/hr at 36, but all the people, most of em that I knew who didn't follow their heart but make the big bucks and have a big house, man, they're not living.
You got this.
Anyone else having trouble adjusting to adulthood? I'm 24 soon to be 25 and the reality that people are basically fighting each other over money to survive has just sunk in. Kinda embarassing how late i realized that. I was in school and doing internships so i was too busy to actually notice until now.
I just be looking at house prices, inflation, and looming issues and it just all seems sort of fucked.
It feels so weird to do anything for fun; like skate and play guitar. I always wanted to be a good skateboarder and play songs just for enjoyments sake. Now it just kinda feels like I'm wasting my time since i don't really want to be sponsored or write my own music.
I just see young people around me like slinging properties as realtors, working 60 hr weeks, commuting to jobs, selling themselves on only fans and it's like damn wtf am i doing?
I'll get strong migraines every once in a while just thinking about that shit. Maybe that's just life i suppose. Maybe i need an ssri subscription. Everything is just so weird.
I relapsed recently and I feel like a huge piece of shit. This is my umpteenth time trying to stay clean. Any pals have experience here? I’m working on identifying triggers and it seems like for me it’s work stress > booze > coke bender. I was doing alright for awhile but I got hurt and haven’t been able to skate so it’s just me alone with my feelings as of late
Feelings of depression and anxiety have been overwhelming and they don’t go away until I’m fucked up on something
im 29 and planning on kms soon maybe this year, depending on how things go. i am at the point where ive rationalized to myself that it isnt so tragic, suicide - ive been interested in movements like Death with Dignity and the Right to Die. its a lot of mixed feelings but i feel at peace with the thought of finally getting to bow out on my own terms.
im 29 and planning on kms soon maybe this year, depending on how things go. i am at the point where ive rationalized to myself that it isnt so tragic, suicide - ive been interested in movements like Death with Dignity and the Right to Die. its a lot of mixed feelings but i feel at peace with the thought of finally getting to bow out on my own terms.
Double on that. When I get down thought's I dont usually have are right at the forefront. Talk to someone. It's not as hard as it seems trust me.I hope you will consider speaking with a psychiatrist. I can’t speak for what you’re going through, but depression (and other mental illnesses) can really warp one’s perspective. I’m currently struggling with my own. It makes it difficult to acknowledge that there are high points, despite the abysmal lows that feel permanent and unending. I’ve found that therapy, meds, and regular sleep and exercise have helped me a lot. I dunno, my apologies if this isn’t helpful at all.Expand Quoteim 29 and planning on kms soon maybe this year, depending on how things go. i am at the point where ive rationalized to myself that it isnt so tragic, suicide - ive been interested in movements like Death with Dignity and the Right to Die. its a lot of mixed feelings but i feel at peace with the thought of finally getting to bow out on my own terms.[close]
im 29 and planning on kms soon maybe this year, depending on how things go. i am at the point where ive rationalized to myself that it isnt so tragic, suicide - ive been interested in movements like Death with Dignity and the Right to Die. its a lot of mixed feelings but i feel at peace with the thought of finally getting to bow out on my own terms.Before you do this I recommend going out skateboarding if that’s something you still do or if not go paintballing. The chances of getting hurt or hit while doing either activity is pretty high up there so do one of them for a bit like a month. Once you experience physical pain a bit it can make you grateful just to be here and be alive. This is all if your mental health issues don’t stem from a chronic pain issue, if so I’m sorry for that I sympathize. But if what’s going on with you is solely mental then try it out. Getting the body into a little physical stress can sometimes take the mental stress away because the pain is external and happening right now.
Hi guys, just wanted to say, keep your head up everyone, you are the best, every single one of you.
I will share my story, even though its not as heavy as most of yours, but I need to get it out and really have nobody to talk to at the moment.
Im 32, soon to be 33. I dated this girl for 8 years, since 21 to 29, and though she was the one. When we broke up 3 years ago, I thought that the world will end. But it didnt, I got through it. Did some bullshit, random girls, then I found another girl, we lived together for a year. I was not feeling it, broke up with her, so I wouldnt hurt her more. I told myself that I will not meet anyone for a while, just focus on my own stuff, skate as much as I can, deal with some family bullshit (my father fucked my brother up with some bullshit, he owes a bunch of people money, so I tried to help with that). After a short while, I met this girl, that Im dating now. I never loved anyone so much. We moved in together, everything was perfect. Totally unexpeced. We have been together for 7 months, never once argued about anything, everything was perfect, she is perfect.
I fucked up. Before we met, I did something Im not proud of (not important), But I used to work for a company that is owned by one of her closest friends (Obviously, I didnt know that, since we didnt know each other when I worked for the company). I since left, but before I left, I did some stupid shit, that Im really ashamed of. I never told her, and her friend(the owner of the company) wasnt aware either. But since then, he found out, and of course it was only right of him to tell her, because he cares for her and wants to protect her from bullshit that I caused and have to deal with now.
I wanted to keep this quiet, just deal with all the shit and leave it behind me, but I should have told her man, I should have told her. I know she would understand, that I had my reasons, and would help to deal with everything.
We are supposed to move to a new apartement,that she bought before we met, but since then, we have been buying all the furniture, dealing with everything that comes with moving to a new place. This moving was planed on the beggining of next month, and she found out about my bullshit last Sunday, so a week before moving.
I fucked everything up, betrayed her trust. I have never been so depressed and felt so down in my life. She is the one, and I need to show her that this shit will never happen again. Her ex lied to her for a long time, so she is not dealing with shit like that lightly, which is only right.
I can see that she still loves me, but has enough self respect to not go through another heart break again. Im such an idiot that I have not told her about everyting a long time ago. I know she would understand.
Right now I dont know what to do, I didnt speak really to anyone for the last week, not at work, not to my friends, to my mum, every night we end up talking about stuff with my girlfriend, and it ends up in both of us crying and not sleeping.
I feel like a biggest piece of shit in the world right now. I need to deal with this somehow, I cant even imagine how I will live without her, she is everything I ever wanted/needed/hoped for in my life, and if she leaves me, I dont know what I will do.
Anyway, sorry for shitty grammar and explaining, this is probably not as serious as some of You guys, but I need to get it out.
Everybody, be safe and go skate, that is the only thing that matters...
tomorrow will be 2 weeks since i had a mental breakdown.i'm sorry you had to go through this. hope you'll stay free and keep your shit together. i know it's hard. i'm also struggling.
i havent been skating because i just am not there mentally. i try and get out there but my mind is elsewhere. i started not self medicating and reading to practice focusing and being present. so far its working. im getting stoaked again and about to get a new deck.
ive already been mentally hospitalized twice this year. one was not by choice, thanks police.....
no help is offered there either. its like a drunk tank but for your mental state. you just have to fake it to get the fuck out of there. fights seem to be pretty regular there whether its patient on patient on nurse. and the only thing to do is watch tv. thats it. no windows either. having to watch nick cannons talk show in the mornings honestly deteriorated my mental health.
hopefully this momentum sticks. im aware stuff will get hard again, just have to remind myself to try.
Here to just vent since I’m just feeling inadequate and frankly alone right now and just want to vent anonymously..
My job is extremely challenging and busy, and this week has been particularly hard. For everything I’ve done well, there’s been something relatively small that has just taken me out and made me feel totally inadequate. As much as I try to separate work from life, I can’t help but letting the stress carry over. I started smoking cigs again because I haven’t been able to find weed and it’s the only thing I can do that gives me some kind of pause. I want to just skate and forget about it, but when I’m just taking constant hits to my confidence it’s really hard to do anything challenging.
I came out through the Bay Area last week and I’ll be here through June but have zero motivation to go out and meet other skaters. Usually when I get like this I flee to my sisters house, but that’s just not an option right now. I’m not looking for advice or sympathy, I’m just here to say that I just feel stuck and alone and it fucking sucks
Expand QuoteHere to just vent since I’m just feeling inadequate and frankly alone right now and just want to vent anonymously..
My job is extremely challenging and busy, and this week has been particularly hard. For everything I’ve done well, there’s been something relatively small that has just taken me out and made me feel totally inadequate. As much as I try to separate work from life, I can’t help but letting the stress carry over. I started smoking cigs again because I haven’t been able to find weed and it’s the only thing I can do that gives me some kind of pause. I want to just skate and forget about it, but when I’m just taking constant hits to my confidence it’s really hard to do anything challenging.
I came out through the Bay Area last week and I’ll be here through June but have zero motivation to go out and meet other skaters. Usually when I get like this I flee to my sisters house, but that’s just not an option right now. I’m not looking for advice or sympathy, I’m just here to say that I just feel stuck and alone and it fucking sucks[close]
Damn I'm sorry to hear this. I'm in the east bay and down to roll around if you want !
My fiance just got back from Portland and she was raving how much she loved it and showed me a bunch of homes that we could afford. I know she is still riding off that high of the city but the idea of moving out there got me anxious. If we decided to move out there it would be difficult for me cuz I will be leaving my mom and family behind. Also I don't really have friends to hang out with let alone skate with and to move to a new city and state I don't know if I would ever gain new friends.
Kook me if you want. Ya'll, know I holds it down on here. But times have been tough as fuck since my engine blew and I've been underwater and desperate for months. Finally sucked it up and made a gofundme at the suggestion of someone on reddit, it was actually getting some donations but then reddit acted like reddit, and said others need help too an deleted my post from a subreddit dedicated to helping others.
It's a lot of money, I know that, you dont have to donate, you can just check out the shit I post from work. I would never do this shit but everyone around me agrees my mental health is suffering and I am now will to suck it up and ask for help. If you can, just share it?
I havent had hot water or gas in 3-4 months. I buy some weed on my payday and that's my only splurge. I had to dump all my money to get my car fixed. One paycheck I withdrew all the cash and gave it to the mechanic to finally get it done and said the bills have to wait. I have negotiated with all my debt and gotten some relief. I have a non-profit assisting me in planning so that I can pay off my debt in 3 years instead of 30.
I have sold/attempted to sell almost everything of value I have even if I didn't want to. Keyboards, film scanners, I even sold the back fucking seats to my car. I am almost out of the hole but not there yet. Someone actually just sent me this camping shower thing that I hope will work when it comes but it will still be me slowly filling a drum with water, one kettle full at a time until I get gas on again.
Filling the propane tank is $350 but it will last a year. For now I fill a storage tub half with cool water, and pour in some kettles of hot water every 5 minutes and then use a bottle or cup to get myself wet enough to shower. Yeah, 3-4 months, I tried to laugh it off but it's fucking depressing and embarassing. Since December I had car troubles, then it got fixed and it was tire troubles. About $10k in money I dont have since then, getting it however I can, payday loans from my own work, I cant even afford to enroll this semester which sucks, It would cost me like $350 for the semester but at the end my work would end up giving me $2k.
Anyways, fuck me and my whining, if you just want to laugh at me check it out.
https://gofund.me/b5b6b862
My fiance just got back from Portland and she was raving how much she loved it and showed me a bunch of homes that we could afford. I know she is still riding off that high of the city but the idea of moving out there got me anxious. If we decided to move out there it would be difficult for me cuz I will be leaving my mom and family behind. Also I don't really have friends to hang out with let alone skate with and to move to a new city and state I don't know if I would ever gain new friends.
Just got 5150’d. Got to keep my phone.
Involuntary. As for the phone, they just never took it. I’m currently trying to take it easy and watch Evangelion.
a little vent to get this shit out of my system.
i’ve been struggling with hsv since 2020. hsv of course comes with rejection and the stigma attached to it. only thing i can do is disclose and respect rejection because who the fuck wants this shit in the first place
shame, insecurity and an overall lack of self worth are things that i’ve already struggled with before the diagnosis. this seems to prove and double down on that. i’ve let down so many people because of this and that just sucks so much
Involuntary. As for the phone, they just never took it. I’m currently trying to take it easy and watch Evangelion.
Thanks guys. I just got back from the 72 hour hold. My phone was useless pretty quickly because it died the first day. Anywho, it wasn’t a good time for me because it raised my anxiety about missing work. 2/5
Hello beautiful people I just wanted to drop a line and say you all rule so hard and I believe in each and every one of you no matter what 8) I'm sorry there's been so many downs and not as many ups for many of us in the thread but we're here and that means we are looking for those ups and one bit of support at a time I just know they'll be right there ready to surprise us, like a big hot fresh pepperoni pizza pie :) All of my love you guys hang in there and let's do it for the others!
Expand QuoteHello beautiful people I just wanted to drop a line and say you all rule so hard and I believe in each and every one of you no matter what 8) I'm sorry there's been so many downs and not as many ups for many of us in the thread but we're here and that means we are looking for those ups and one bit of support at a time I just know they'll be right there ready to surprise us, like a big hot fresh pepperoni pizza pie :) All of my love you guys hang in there and let's do it for the others![close]
miss u nicky <3 hope you are doing well
Expand QuoteExpand QuoteHello beautiful people I just wanted to drop a line and say you all rule so hard and I believe in each and every one of you no matter what 8) I'm sorry there's been so many downs and not as many ups for many of us in the thread but we're here and that means we are looking for those ups and one bit of support at a time I just know they'll be right there ready to surprise us, like a big hot fresh pepperoni pizza pie :) All of my love you guys hang in there and let's do it for the others![close]
miss u nicky <3 hope you are doing well[close]
I'm coming along! Finally switched over insurances to my new job and that means I can find a new therapist soon! Fuck yeahhhh 8) I haven't skated in like... 6 months maybe ugh, but I am starting to get *the call* :)
Some ssri’s are good buttttttt you’ve got to be vigilant about what is wrong and right with your meds, remember it’s your job to be honest with your psychiatrist and what you want to take away from antidepressants.Expand Quoteany pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?[close]
I’ve been on a lot of meds celexa, depacote, saraquiell, colonadine.
Having schizoeffective disorder my brain is all kinds of fucky. Delusions paranoia and manic behavior are just the beginning of what I’ve been through but I managed to narrow down my meds with a low dose of klonopin and celexa.
I’ve had some adverse reactions to some of these meds such as heart palpitations and increased anxiety but I’m a particularly rare person and some of these meds weren’t a good fit.
Expand QuoteMy fiance just got back from Portland and she was raving how much she loved it and showed me a bunch of homes that we could afford. I know she is still riding off that high of the city but the idea of moving out there got me anxious. If we decided to move out there it would be difficult for me cuz I will be leaving my mom and family behind. Also I don't really have friends to hang out with let alone skate with and to move to a new city and state I don't know if I would ever gain new friends.[close]
godspeed sir
_____
I've been having a rough time lately. It's time for me to transition out of skating super hard/being a skate rat to being a responsible adult. what a drag. i'll miss this part of my life... Sighhhhh
Also i literally bought fucking vitamins the other day smh. this is so fucked up. like my feet and knees actually hurt like 4 whole ass days after skateboarding now. Sighhhhhh
Agreed with Janus. Wishing nothing but the best on the journey of recovery and mental wellness.Expand Quoteim 29 and planning on kms soon maybe this year, depending on how things go. i am at the point where ive rationalized to myself that it isnt so tragic, suicide - ive been interested in movements like Death with Dignity and the Right to Die. its a lot of mixed feelings but i feel at peace with the thought of finally getting to bow out on my own terms.[close]
I hope you will consider speaking with a psychiatrist. I can’t speak for what you’re going through, but depression (and other mental illnesses) can really warp one’s perspective. I’m currently struggling with my own. It makes it difficult to acknowledge that there are high points, despite the abysmal lows that feel permanent and unending. I’ve found that therapy, meds, and regular sleep and exercise have helped me a lot. I dunno, my apologies if this isn’t helpful at all.
I'm going through a very rough break up at the moment and below is me trying to summarize where it started and how it got to this point.
9 years ago next month, I met a girl in Berlin and we fell in love. She tagged along with me on my roaming around Europe for a few months from there. When I had to go back to NYC at the end she told me she had an internship offer there. She said I was keen to see where things would go she'd accept it. Naturally, I said of course I did.
Those months were great. When her internship was over our situation wasn't so simple. We're from two different countries so we weighed our options: someone gets sponsored, both of us get remote jobs, or we get married. We didn't make that decision instantly but eventually we did decide to get married.
We set everything up and did that at a courthouse in Vienna. After that she went back to her job in London and I to mine in NYC. We decided on doing the green card process and getting her to NYC. That took 1.5 years and was rough.
During that time, we talked about doing an open relationship. She said she wasn't keen on having sex with other people but I wanted to. We never really confirmed that and I did it anyway. Shortly after her getting to NYC, I still had dating apps on my phone and she saw an alert. That was my first huge fuck up, it all could have ended there.
We didn't break up though and lived in NYC for a little over 1.5 years together. I remember everything being good there but I don't think she really ever liked NYC. We decided to leave NYC and move to Berlin but travel for a year in between.
During that year, I think it was mostly fine. We did have our arguments - lots of them at certain points. They could be about cleaning the AirBnB, booking accommodations, flights, etc... Some so heated we even talked about breaking up. There was even one instance about her going to do a working holiday in New Zealand but I wouldn't have been able to get one so I'd have to keep roaming around in the meantime.
Fast forward through all that, and we finally make it to Berlin. She came a bit before to set everything up. When I first got here she was living with this weird old man roommate. I was only there for 2 weeks at that point then going back to NYC for a month. That guy was super awkward, locking himself in his room, then when I was walking out the door to go to the airport he came out me asking who was paying rent for me since I didn't hang out with him. Come to find out, he later unregistered my wife without her knowledge.
After NYC, I came and we were able to move into our own flat. I had a little freelance gig still and started looking for a full time job. She already had one and things were going well for her. I remember her instantly wanting me to pay for half of everything even though I didn't have FT job yet. That was rough finding one since I wasn't fluent in German. I guess I just didn't feel supported so we had conversations about that and Berlin was a rough for me.
I guess I never really liked Berlin. I could say hated it. I didn't feel supported, was having trouble finding a job, and generally not vibing with German culture. She loved it and was going out to techno clubs. During one of my lowest points she wanted to have an open relationship again. I didn't really feel like I could say no because of the NYC situation.
At some stage, I definitely reached my lowest point in Berlin. The stress was getting to me and my face even went half numb at one point. I had to go to the emergency room and in that experience everyone was bitching at me about not speaking German fluently. I became depressed, thought about suicide, and admittedly a shitty person for a while. I wasn't really "there", negative, and complaining about everything. Usually blaming it all on Berlin.
Then corona happened and that was actually good for us. But I think I was still complaining and negative throughout. She was trying during that time and I was kind of vacant. I didn't have much of a sex drive and wasn't sure if it was just me or if I'd lost the attraction to her.
Once things opened up and it was possible to travel again, since I got a remote job during corona, I just started leaving all the time. I wasn't in Berlin for more than a month at a time for over a year. She didn't seem bothered by it and I would always cite just hating Berlin, saying something like I missed her but nothing about Berlin.
She just recently came with me to Barcelona for a month. Things were better there - we shared intimacy and affection again. It was the first time we'd had sex in a months. Afterwards I went to a couple of other cities for another 1.5 months before returning to Berlin. We actually decided to open our relationship up for that time frame.
Once she got back to Berlin, she said she had a breakdown. She realized she did miss the intimacy, affection, and that I was just so heavy all the time now. That I just quit trying to work on myself. Maybe we needed to take a break and would have that conversation when I was back.
We stayed in touch but at one point she told my Mom she was going on a date. Naturally my Mom, and my best friend my Mom told back where I'm from, started calling to ask if everything was alright. I was bummed she did that and started thinking more about how I felt and what this conversation was going to be. I was thinking I'd be happy to take a break and go back to Brazil for 3-6 months. Then I started thinking...maybe this is it? Maybe we don't take a break and this conversation is just us deciding to get divorced.
The conversation went in the latter direction. She had also even started dating someone when I was recently away. I'd mentally prepared for it but it still hit me hard. Harder than I expected. Even though it feels like it was a long time coming, it feels like it happened all at once. I'm just feeling so alone right now and have a lot of things to figure out.
I had a friend who when I talked to him, he would always ask if we were still together. The other day I asked him why he always asked that, did he always really think we would break up? He said that I was just never really never the best version of myself, time to start now. I don't think it was all me but that really got to me.
Hello, longtime lurker first time poster.thank you for reaching out!
Going trough a rough period currently and do not know where to go anymore.
I have been battling depression for the last 10 years, back than I lost my job, house and relationship. As a result I grabbed drugs and alcohol in order to escape the pain (classical escapism). After 5 years they found a small tumor in my brain (no cancer tho) and as a result they advised me to stop using and I did, I have been clean no for 5 years (accept for weed, that's the one thing a fell back on a year ago and it kind of helps and is also helpful against seizures caused by the tumor). However because I had to change my lifestyle I lost my friends, again a job and again a relationship. Ending up alone, depressed and so fucked up that I could not see any reason to live. Started therapy again without any good results and started the trajectory of euthanasia.
Skip three years forward (so two ago from now) and I finally was comfortable enough to try to live again so I did, I tried to live again. However, the last few years have been tough and the last month everything just spiralled out of control. I lost my job due to a mistake of the HR department. My roommate put me in the middle of a conflict between him and another roommate and as a result I got death threats by this guys family and even got visited by them in my own house, police can't do anything, did a emergency move to a new place (with all the stress and anxiety), all fucked up while I did not even spoke to the guy yet, like wtf?
So Job gone, again problems with housing, no friends who where there for me as every knows how difficult it is to be there for a depressed person. I opened up against my partner about all this and how I felt, she going trough a tough time also and chose for her mental health and said she cannot deal with me on top of all the problems she has and decided to end the relationship.
I feel like I am back at square one, lost everything, everything i fought for was for nothing, cannot find a single reason to live, cannot expect a future which will be better as it always turns out that I lose everything. Been battling suicidal tendencies for two weeks now. Skating does not help anymore. I am so god damn tired of life.
Shits been feeling a bit much lately, last week was a pretty intense depressive episode for me. I called off work for the week and just proceeded to drink and feel extremely sad. Not full on suicidal but it was definitely bordering on a lack of care of living or not.
As far as work goes im getting the feeling they might try to let me go. At the very least something shitty is gunna happen this week.
I have no idea exactly what i’m trying to do with this post besides at least just airing out what im holding in.
I ditched work today. Today marks one year since my good buddy OD’d, subsequently it’s also his birthday. I know there’s a lesson there that he left us with I just can’t help but fixate on the sadness of it all. In due time I’ll be celebrating his birthday instead. The addicts survivors guilt is turned up to 11 lately and I can’t shake the familiarity in our situations except I always had people looking out for me. It explains why I’m here and he is not.
It’s not past me that this is all really gross - venting about this shit in a message board. It’s my only option right now and keeping it in ain’t healthy.
But I ditched work today so I’m gonna go do a couple of nollie flips for my friend Ben because I’m still here.
Be safe out there pimps, stay off the counterfeit stuff, take care of yourselves and check in on your quiet friends.
Yesterday, I Drove to the nearest city, Baltimore, after 6 years clean. I didn't even realize Id driven there over an hour one way until I got the money in my hand on the block about to cop. It's like someone slapped me at that point though. The guys on the block we're actually supportive and told me, you don't need to be here my G, just show us a trick on that skateboard and roll on. It's incredibly scary, going through divorce after 13 years with 5-year-old son, after just getting out of the methadone clinic after 20+ years, and my wife is divorcing because she wants to continue to party at shows and festivals, while leaving our son to go party, it even worse taking him with her to these adult only situations. I came so close to abandoning our son as well though, without even realizing it. Today I'm thankful there's a phellowship online for sober support. I'm very grateful I didn't relapse. It's likely I would've lost my life immediately, because since 95 I've never had a month of clean time let alone 6 yrs in a row, only after my son was born did that change. I've been in the hospital so much the past few months over and over, in so much pain because of Pancreatitis and Appendicitis complications, all while refusing opiates through surgeries. I thought I was far from the sneaky relapse but obviously I was wrong. Called many people right away, as I drove home. Told my therapist and anyone that will listen. It's still petrifying how close it was. Stress can kill. In more ways than one. That's my current reality.
I just finished a 4 month DBT program. I had a crazy 2022. My fiance left me, I essentially lost my condo, had an uncle die from Covid, dog passed from cancer, lost some important friendships, relapsed on drugs, work has been so busy that I didn't have time to process... This is on top of childhood trauma that I never addressed. I was on the verge of blowing my brains out when I started the program and am now in a better place mentally. I honestly learned a lot despite a lot of apprehension when it began. While I still have my demons and am struggling with maintaining abstinence from drugs, I'm optimistic about the future. To anyone out there who is hurting, please reach out for help and know there isn't anything wrong with being vulnerable. Fuck, PM me if you need to. Posting on here and interacting with folks on here when I was at low points really helped me. Much love to everyone, do your best and be kind to yourself!
I’ve been having really low lows lately. Not to the point that I’m trying to blow my brains out or hang myself, but I definitely can’t get suicide out of my mind. I guess it’s a good thing I’m so scared of the physical act of dying. Nonexistence seems pretty choice though.
aren’t you the dude who talks about peeing in the sink and/or his pants all the time
Hi Pals. Got some venting I want to do and hopefully someone maybe has some advice. My wife and I have lost the spark in our relationship. We still love each other, but romance and intimacy is gone and has been for a while. Earlier this year I had a vasectomy, something which my wife pushed for, but I easily agreed because I don't feel any desire to have any more kids. I figured that being able to have sex with her without any worry of pregnancy would be great, but in the six months that have passed since my surgery, we may have had sex five or six times. At first, there was a reason why (I thought) we were holding out. When I had my follow up to the surgery to make sure that it worked, I was still potent after 2 months and the doctor told me to wait 6 more weeks and do another test. I haven't even gone back for the test. I've mentioned it to my wife saying that I need to make time to do another test to make sure I'm sterile, and she basically told me to just keep jerking off. After that, I stopped trying to make plans for another test.
Over the summer, my wife had a bit of breakdown. She told me that she's miserable, and right now I really don't even remember why, but it was at a very busy time for both of us and I know she was overwhelmed by a lot. I'm at home most of the time, so I try my best to help with cleaning, meals, laundry and everything else. I try to be intimate by giving her back rubs when we sit together, or rub her feet, just whatever I can to physically show her my affection, but it seriously feels like I'm an annoyance, or at least she won't give me any satisfaction of knowing she likes the attention I give. I used to ask her to rub my back when we'd sit and watch TV together, but during the breakdown she told me that when I ask for a back rub, she really wants to punch me in the face. This was in the summer and I haven't asked for anything since. Probably never will again.
I literally get nothing as far as affection goes. We've gone on dates and had great times but we'll go to bed without even a kiss goodnight if I'm not the one who gives it. There's been plenty of times where we've gone out, had loads of fun, I've tried my best to be flirty and make her feel like she's got 100% of my attention, had sitters for the kids so we'd have the house to ourselves, and still nothing from her. We're basically roommates. The worst part of all, is that she's communicated this to me multiple times that she feels like we're roommates or brother and sister, but she puts no effort into fixing this issue. It's all on me.
I'm not perfect, nor am I the most attractive or romantic man, but I think I do a pretty decent job at being a husband and a father. I don't necessarily think the issue has a lot to do with me not being enough, but that's how I feel. I feel like a chump. We've both talked about how we notice a lack of intimacy, and she has said that it's her and her insecurities. She's a bigger girl, has been since we've been together for 10 years (married 5), but I believe her issues with her weight are the root of why she seems so disinterested. I find her attractive, and as attractive as she's always been. I do my best to be supportive, try to give her time to work out, or help with healthy meals, but I can't do it all for her. Somehow this makes me feel guilty, or that I'm somehow at fault because I can't take this pain away or make her happier. I just feel like no matter how hard I try, I can't make her happy with herself and therefore she can't be happy with me.
I'm not looking to leave her or anything drastic like that. I just want her to be happy and want to feel loved by her. Up until now, I've tried my best. I do the best I can around the house and with the kids. I know she'd love it if we went on more dates, and I try to spend time with her whenever we can. I bring her coffee and lunch at work. I really fucking try to be a good husband, and she'll even tell me that I am. She just doesn't bother to show it in any way. I really don't know what else I can do or give.
These past few days have really gotten me down, and I'm horrible at not showing my feelings. She can tell something is off with me, but I haven't had the heart to tell her "Hey, I'm bummed because you treat me like your brother, not your husband" because I don't want to make her feel worse about herself. I think she's been going through a bit of depression for a while, but won't do anything for herself. At the beginning of the year I was dealing with lots of anxiety and started seeing a therapist, whos been great, and my wife has been super supportive of that, but I don't think I can get her to do the same. She always makes an excuse that she doesn't have time, which then makes me feel guilty that I do have the time and that people accommodate for me to have that time. Basically I feel guiltly for doing anything that makes me happy if it doesn't involve her or my kids.
I really don't know what to do. I'm tried of trying to be the best I can be. This past week I've felt like I'd rather spend time alone than with her, but that's completely spiteful. I do love her and she's my best friend, but the total lack of romance is really building resentment inside me. I don't want it to get worse, but nothing has gotten better and we've both known this is an issue for a while.
And just to be clear, I'm not only talking about lack of sex. It's lack of everything. I'll be following her around the house as she's leaving for work to give her a kiss and she'll walk right out the door if I don't grab her and plant one on her lips. I'm the only one who says "I love you. Good night". It's a bummer and I feel like a total chump.
i got pure-o OCD
Posted this in “things you are not stoked on” but figured I’d post it in here too, just in case there are others who go through the same thing I’m going through.Nah, haven’t tried any supplements. For me I already know it’s all mental; I get in this weird cycle of getting bad sleep and then psyching myself out with thoughts such as “damn, that’s two nights now where you couldn’t sleep; what if tonight you don’t sleep well again and you’re tired again tomorrow?” and then I end up not sleeping well because I’m too anxious and paranoid that I’m not gonna sleep well; it’s pretty much like a vicious cycle lol: I don’t sleep well because I’m paranoid that I’m not gonna sleep well. Pretty much an irrational fear. I just gotta get my mind to not care or to convince my mind that it’s not that big of a deal to not sleep well and that being tired isn’t going to kill me and that I’ve gone through plenty of sleepless nights before and came out fine and that sleep is easy once you just stop thinking so much. Those thoughts come eventually and then I remember not to be so psyched out and then the insomnia will go away, but sometimes it could take a while to rebuild up those thoughts of not psyching myself out too much, especially when you’re tired and paranoid and anxious that you can’t sleep and all you want to do is just sleep. Used to get in these cycles a lot back in the early 2010s; then in the late 2010s to 2021 they started happening a lot more rarely. From like 2017 til like 2020 I actually didn’t have any of these episodes at all actually. Last episode I had was 2021 and it was the first one I had had in a while, triggered by a couple bad nights of sleep in a row, but it only lasted about half a week to a little under a week from what I remember until I built up the thoughts of not psyching myself out and the insomnia went away. This one now is the first one in a while that is lasting a while and psyching me out more than I thought it would. I’ve beat it before a bunch of times so I know I can do it again, I just got to remind my mind not to be so psyched out, it’s just that it’s just so annoying and a mind fuck sometimes to remind myself not to be so psyched out.Expand QuoteExpand QuoteWas on vacation for the week and not having a solid sleep schedule to follow during my vacation has royally fucked up my sleep schedule. I was going to bed and waking up at the most random hours.
I would get gnarly bouts of insomnia five years back where I would get stuck in cycles of not being able to sleep well; it was usually triggered by a couple nights of bad sleep in a row, my mind would get anxious and I would start worrying “damn what if tonight I can’t sleep well again and tomorrow I’m tired again?” Which would in turn cause me to not sleep well cuz I would be too anxious and worried that I wasn’t going to sleep well again; so essentially I wasn’t sleeping well cuz I was worrying too much that I wasn’t going to sleep well; it was a vicious cycle pretty much. It would last for days or weeks at a time before it would get better and slowly go away, but it would still happen here n there quite often if I were to get a couple shitty nights of sleep in a row. This pretty much stopped happening when I got my current job though five years ago; it was my first full time job and I no longer had as much freedom with my sleep schedule; I had to wake up and sleep at the same time every day, but I think this was what helped my sleep out, I think having too much freedom to go to bed and wake up when I wanted contributed a lot to these bouts of insomnia, having a grounded schedule pretty much forced me to have to sleep and wake at a set time every day which helped my sleep hygiene tremendously and this pretty much stopped my bouts of insomnia from happening (except for like one or two short bouts in the last five years that came about when I had to switch my work schedule and had to adapt to a temporary earlier schedule, but those bouts fixed themselves pretty quickly).
Fast forward to now, I’m on a week long vacation, the first time I’ve been off for this long since I started working at my job five years ago, and the insomnia comes back after a couple nights of shitty sleep cuz I was going to bed at the most random times and waking up at random times. Haven’t been sleeping well and been tired for days now, and I’m honestly thinking it’s just due to not having to follow a schedule and having too much freedom to go to bed and wake up when I want. I’m hoping me having to go back to work in a couple days and having to go back to a routine of going to bed and waking at the same time every day will get things back on track again.[close]
I've had the same problem before. Do you take any supplements to help you sleep? I've got a bit of a regimen and it has worked wonders for me - Vitamin D in the morning, magnesium and vitamin C at night before bed. Everyone is different but something similar might work for you if you've never tried it[close]
Wow, I don’t think I’ve honestly shared this info with anyone before, or if I have it was only to a few people and they just look at me like “bro, this is such an irrational fear” and I’m just like “you think I don’t know this?” lol. After getting those reactions I just stopped telling people the full details cuz i just don’t want them to look at me like I’m some sort of weirdo for having this, but it honestly feels good to just put this out there for the first time in full detail, pretty liberating feeling actually.
Expand Quotei got pure-o OCD[close]
Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior
A great book that is currently helping me a ton. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Know this; it’s your brain, not you. You are not OCD. You have a medical condition. That information itself has been extremely helpful for me. The book is self guided therapy. Check it out.
Hi Pals. Got some venting I want to do and hopefully someone maybe has some advice. My wife and I have lost the spark in our relationship. We still love each other, but romance and intimacy is gone and has been for a while. Earlier this year I had a vasectomy, something which my wife pushed for, but I easily agreed because I don't feel any desire to have any more kids. I figured that being able to have sex with her without any worry of pregnancy would be great, but in the six months that have passed since my surgery, we may have had sex five or six times. At first, there was a reason why (I thought) we were holding out. When I had my follow up to the surgery to make sure that it worked, I was still potent after 2 months and the doctor told me to wait 6 more weeks and do another test. I haven't even gone back for the test. I've mentioned it to my wife saying that I need to make time to do another test to make sure I'm sterile, and she basically told me to just keep jerking off. After that, I stopped trying to make plans for another test.
Over the summer, my wife had a bit of breakdown. She told me that she's miserable, and right now I really don't even remember why, but it was at a very busy time for both of us and I know she was overwhelmed by a lot. I'm at home most of the time, so I try my best to help with cleaning, meals, laundry and everything else. I try to be intimate by giving her back rubs when we sit together, or rub her feet, just whatever I can to physically show her my affection, but it seriously feels like I'm an annoyance, or at least she won't give me any satisfaction of knowing she likes the attention I give. I used to ask her to rub my back when we'd sit and watch TV together, but during the breakdown she told me that when I ask for a back rub, she really wants to punch me in the face. This was in the summer and I haven't asked for anything since. Probably never will again.
I literally get nothing as far as affection goes. We've gone on dates and had great times but we'll go to bed without even a kiss goodnight if I'm not the one who gives it. There's been plenty of times where we've gone out, had loads of fun, I've tried my best to be flirty and make her feel like she's got 100% of my attention, had sitters for the kids so we'd have the house to ourselves, and still nothing from her. We're basically roommates. The worst part of all, is that she's communicated this to me multiple times that she feels like we're roommates or brother and sister, but she puts no effort into fixing this issue. It's all on me.
I'm not perfect, nor am I the most attractive or romantic man, but I think I do a pretty decent job at being a husband and a father. I don't necessarily think the issue has a lot to do with me not being enough, but that's how I feel. I feel like a chump. We've both talked about how we notice a lack of intimacy, and she has said that it's her and her insecurities. She's a bigger girl, has been since we've been together for 10 years (married 5), but I believe her issues with her weight are the root of why she seems so disinterested. I find her attractive, and as attractive as she's always been. I do my best to be supportive, try to give her time to work out, or help with healthy meals, but I can't do it all for her. Somehow this makes me feel guilty, or that I'm somehow at fault because I can't take this pain away or make her happier. I just feel like no matter how hard I try, I can't make her happy with herself and therefore she can't be happy with me.
I'm not looking to leave her or anything drastic like that. I just want her to be happy and want to feel loved by her. Up until now, I've tried my best. I do the best I can around the house and with the kids. I know she'd love it if we went on more dates, and I try to spend time with her whenever we can. I bring her coffee and lunch at work. I really fucking try to be a good husband, and she'll even tell me that I am. She just doesn't bother to show it in any way. I really don't know what else I can do or give.
These past few days have really gotten me down, and I'm horrible at not showing my feelings. She can tell something is off with me, but I haven't had the heart to tell her "Hey, I'm bummed because you treat me like your brother, not your husband" because I don't want to make her feel worse about herself. I think she's been going through a bit of depression for a while, but won't do anything for herself. At the beginning of the year I was dealing with lots of anxiety and started seeing a therapist, whos been great, and my wife has been super supportive of that, but I don't think I can get her to do the same. She always makes an excuse that she doesn't have time, which then makes me feel guilty that I do have the time and that people accommodate for me to have that time. Basically I feel guiltly for doing anything that makes me happy if it doesn't involve her or my kids.
I really don't know what to do. I'm tried of trying to be the best I can be. This past week I've felt like I'd rather spend time alone than with her, but that's completely spiteful. I do love her and she's my best friend, but the total lack of romance is really building resentment inside me. I don't want it to get worse, but nothing has gotten better and we've both known this is an issue for a while.
And just to be clear, I'm not only talking about lack of sex. It's lack of everything. I'll be following her around the house as she's leaving for work to give her a kiss and she'll walk right out the door if I don't grab her and plant one on her lips. I'm the only one who says "I love you. Good night". It's a bummer and I feel like a total chump.
Expand QuoteHi Pals. Got some venting I want to do and hopefully someone maybe has some advice. My wife and I have lost the spark in our relationship. We still love each other, but romance and intimacy is gone and has been for a while. Earlier this year I had a vasectomy, something which my wife pushed for, but I easily agreed because I don't feel any desire to have any more kids. I figured that being able to have sex with her without any worry of pregnancy would be great, but in the six months that have passed since my surgery, we may have had sex five or six times. At first, there was a reason why (I thought) we were holding out. When I had my follow up to the surgery to make sure that it worked, I was still potent after 2 months and the doctor told me to wait 6 more weeks and do another test. I haven't even gone back for the test. I've mentioned it to my wife saying that I need to make time to do another test to make sure I'm sterile, and she basically told me to just keep jerking off. After that, I stopped trying to make plans for another test.
Over the summer, my wife had a bit of breakdown. She told me that she's miserable, and right now I really don't even remember why, but it was at a very busy time for both of us and I know she was overwhelmed by a lot. I'm at home most of the time, so I try my best to help with cleaning, meals, laundry and everything else. I try to be intimate by giving her back rubs when we sit together, or rub her feet, just whatever I can to physically show her my affection, but it seriously feels like I'm an annoyance, or at least she won't give me any satisfaction of knowing she likes the attention I give. I used to ask her to rub my back when we'd sit and watch TV together, but during the breakdown she told me that when I ask for a back rub, she really wants to punch me in the face. This was in the summer and I haven't asked for anything since. Probably never will again.
I literally get nothing as far as affection goes. We've gone on dates and had great times but we'll go to bed without even a kiss goodnight if I'm not the one who gives it. There's been plenty of times where we've gone out, had loads of fun, I've tried my best to be flirty and make her feel like she's got 100% of my attention, had sitters for the kids so we'd have the house to ourselves, and still nothing from her. We're basically roommates. The worst part of all, is that she's communicated this to me multiple times that she feels like we're roommates or brother and sister, but she puts no effort into fixing this issue. It's all on me.
I'm not perfect, nor am I the most attractive or romantic man, but I think I do a pretty decent job at being a husband and a father. I don't necessarily think the issue has a lot to do with me not being enough, but that's how I feel. I feel like a chump. We've both talked about how we notice a lack of intimacy, and she has said that it's her and her insecurities. She's a bigger girl, has been since we've been together for 10 years (married 5), but I believe her issues with her weight are the root of why she seems so disinterested. I find her attractive, and as attractive as she's always been. I do my best to be supportive, try to give her time to work out, or help with healthy meals, but I can't do it all for her. Somehow this makes me feel guilty, or that I'm somehow at fault because I can't take this pain away or make her happier. I just feel like no matter how hard I try, I can't make her happy with herself and therefore she can't be happy with me.
I'm not looking to leave her or anything drastic like that. I just want her to be happy and want to feel loved by her. Up until now, I've tried my best. I do the best I can around the house and with the kids. I know she'd love it if we went on more dates, and I try to spend time with her whenever we can. I bring her coffee and lunch at work. I really fucking try to be a good husband, and she'll even tell me that I am. She just doesn't bother to show it in any way. I really don't know what else I can do or give.
These past few days have really gotten me down, and I'm horrible at not showing my feelings. She can tell something is off with me, but I haven't had the heart to tell her "Hey, I'm bummed because you treat me like your brother, not your husband" because I don't want to make her feel worse about herself. I think she's been going through a bit of depression for a while, but won't do anything for herself. At the beginning of the year I was dealing with lots of anxiety and started seeing a therapist, whos been great, and my wife has been super supportive of that, but I don't think I can get her to do the same. She always makes an excuse that she doesn't have time, which then makes me feel guilty that I do have the time and that people accommodate for me to have that time. Basically I feel guiltly for doing anything that makes me happy if it doesn't involve her or my kids.
I really don't know what to do. I'm tried of trying to be the best I can be. This past week I've felt like I'd rather spend time alone than with her, but that's completely spiteful. I do love her and she's my best friend, but the total lack of romance is really building resentment inside me. I don't want it to get worse, but nothing has gotten better and we've both known this is an issue for a while.
And just to be clear, I'm not only talking about lack of sex. It's lack of everything. I'll be following her around the house as she's leaving for work to give her a kiss and she'll walk right out the door if I don't grab her and plant one on her lips. I'm the only one who says "I love you. Good night". It's a bummer and I feel like a total chump.[close]
Well, considering I just went through - and tbh am still processing it - a divorce I can try to relate and throw you my 2 cents. My ex and I don't have kids so it's a bit different but that aside, I'd be more akin to your wife here.
Relationships take work and sometimes, despite your history together, things fall flat. If someone isn't able to function on their own because of personal issues it's usually really difficult for them to build relationships. When you're already in one, it's easy to just be comfortable and let it deteriorate thinking the other person will always be there.
Staying attracted to each other and keeping the flame going, it's not always easy. It takes two to tango and it sounds like you're the one trying.
At this point, I think it's fine for you to focus on yourself and your kids. I'm not saying to jump ship just yet but do what makes you happy that doesn't necessarily involve her. I'd imagine you want to get things going in a positive direction but she's got to be willing to work with you and on herself. Both people always do, that's a constant.
Now, I can say, that in my relationship I think I was comfortable and not putting in work on myself or the relationship. I wasn't happy with myself, the place we were living, and lots of other things. I was depressed and pretty miserable to be around. For me, the reality check was a divorce but I think it came to that point because we realized we were both unhappy for a long time. I guess neither of us felt like the relationship was worth it anymore.
I think that's what I needed to really make a change. I started drinking less - might quit completely, exercising more, and really trying to focus on being a better version of myself. Tbh, I might still be moping around if it didn't come to this.
I say that not to put the focus on me but because, as I said earlier, I think I'm more akin to your wife here. If she's where I was, she probably needs a huge reality check. I'm not sure exactly what that is but if you haven't already then I think you should have a serious conversation with her about where your relationship is and where you're both at personally. Have that discussion and figure out where to go from there.
Hope my 2 cents helps you out in some way.
Happy 2023 everyone :)
I have had a very on and off presence on here over the years and I know its just a fun place where we go to chat about our hobbies but SLAP really means so much to me and I appreciate the shit out of you all.
About 3 weeks ago, I emergency moved out of the apartment my now ex and I had together. We were together for 3 years, and I don't want to vilify anyone, but they have some serious behavioral problems. They were very abusive. I don't know how I got so caught in it or how abuse ever ensnares people like it does, but it happened to me. It was so fucked and they controlled my life, destroyed my friendships, dictated my activities, stifled my hobbies - you name it they did it for 3 years and with every time I somehow found the courage to say please don't hurt me, their promises to stop turned into a more sophisticated method of doing the same thing.
My oldest sister and I were talking one morning about 3 weeks ago and she was the one to finally break the spell and encourage me to get the fuck out, so I drove from my job back back to the apartment.... my ex was of course home.... I gathered up whatever belongings I could as well as my beloved kitty cat, doing my best to not succumb to the battering of manipulative shit they were saying as I prepared my things.... they even had one of their boyfriends (yes) come over while I was leaving to "keep them safe" because apparently seeing me flee for my safety just broke their heart? I don't fucking know dude I can't even begin with that shit, I don't mean to just be talking shit at this point but idk I just want to say shit was scary as fuck while at the same time being the most bitter slap in the face but I STILL DID IT :)
and now I'm safe :) I'm in the process of remembering what the fuck it feels like to be myself and not live every fucking second in terror of what an abusive partner would do if I ever stood up for myself.
There were several times over the past 3 years when I would just rant about the dumbest shit on here and I want to apologize for that, that was 100% my bad. The fucking situation I was in.... I ended up having sporadic outbursts in my life over nothing because I had nowhere else to turn, every other avenue of emotion in my life had become hostile and roped off by my ex. I didn't even have access to skateboarding cause that would've meant I was enjoying life without my partner? Idfk ugh but yeah I literally didn't know shit about skating for 3 years so I'm sorry for all the ignorant shit I said about skaters that was on me. No one owes me a thing, but I hope to turn a new leaf and just be the kid inside of me that got forced into a dark corner for the past 3 years. It's good to be on here again and know I wont have to dip when things become weird at home :)
Cause that shit was never home and won't ever be home again!
I'm very lucky to be staying at my folks place now, currently recovering from the god damn rona ugh my first rodeo with it, I can't wait to get myself a new complete and go skate again as soon as I'm well!
I think my self confidence issues are extremely minimal compared to everything else people are writing about here but I’ll say it anyway. Lately been feeling like I can’t do anything right and I’m only getting recognized for when i fuck up, which seems to be every day. Feeling stuck in this self detructive phase where i focus on all my shortcomings and brush off anything i do well as insignificant or meaningless
Thank you homies!!!!! : )Expand QuoteI think my self confidence issues are extremely minimal compared to everything else people are writing about here but I’ll say it anyway. Lately been feeling like I can’t do anything right and I’m only getting recognized for when i fuck up, which seems to be every day. Feeling stuck in this self detructive phase where i focus on all my shortcomings and brush off anything i do well as insignificant or meaningless[close]QuoteExpand QuoteIt's all good all are welcome! im sorry shits been so heavy for you that fuckin sucks and i feel that very hard, opening up about it no small accomplishment and I'm glad you're here! was there anything that you feel like started this phase for you?[close]
edit: damn Frank you're the realest :' ) thank you so much that means the world to me, ugh. I'm just grateful to have this shit BEHIND me ahhhh, fucking sucks but like Rodney mullen says skaters have a uniquely intuitive understanding of how to get up like nothing after eating SHIT hahahaha : )
Got out of a a 14 day hold from the hospital this week. A friend brought me in after an attempt. It was really rough. Can't even explain how low and embarrassed I felt and bummed that this was how my year started. The experience itself but honestly, mostly the hospitalization itself was incredibly hard and has set me in a weird place. Wards really are awful places with not much actual help and some pretty awful treatment. Not sure if I'm glad to be alive quite yet but glad to be out of there. On Slap to get a little serotonin boost and read/see what the rest of the world is up to. Glad to be posting.
Glad to see you here. Do you have any after care set up? Wards tend to get overcrowded and they lose sight of their patients.
Be well and if you're in the US, 988 is the suicide hotline for anyone that needs it.
Happy 2023 everyone :)
I have had a very on and off presence on here over the years and I know its just a fun place where we go to chat about our hobbies but SLAP really means so much to me and I appreciate the shit out of you all.
About 3 weeks ago, I emergency moved out of the apartment my now ex and I had together. We were together for 3 years, and I don't want to vilify anyone, but they have some serious behavioral problems. They were very abusive. I don't know how I got so caught in it or how abuse ever ensnares people like it does, but it happened to me. It was so fucked and they controlled my life, destroyed my friendships, dictated my activities, stifled my hobbies - you name it they did it for 3 years and with every time I somehow found the courage to say please don't hurt me, their promises to stop turned into a more sophisticated method of doing the same thing.
My oldest sister and I were talking one morning about 3 weeks ago and she was the one to finally break the spell and encourage me to get the fuck out, so I drove from my job back back to the apartment.... my ex was of course home.... I gathered up whatever belongings I could as well as my beloved kitty cat, doing my best to not succumb to the battering of manipulative shit they were saying as I prepared my things.... they even had one of their boyfriends (yes) come over while I was leaving to "keep them safe" because apparently seeing me flee for my safety just broke their heart? I don't fucking know dude I can't even begin with that shit, I don't mean to just be talking shit at this point but idk I just want to say shit was scary as fuck while at the same time being the most bitter slap in the face but I STILL DID IT :)
and now I'm safe :) I'm in the process of remembering what the fuck it feels like to be myself and not live every fucking second in terror of what an abusive partner would do if I ever stood up for myself.
There were several times over the past 3 years when I would just rant about the dumbest shit on here and I want to apologize for that, that was 100% my bad. The fucking situation I was in.... I ended up having sporadic outbursts in my life over nothing because I had nowhere else to turn, every other avenue of emotion in my life had become hostile and roped off by my ex. I didn't even have access to skateboarding cause that would've meant I was enjoying life without my partner? Idfk ugh but yeah I literally didn't know shit about skating for 3 years so I'm sorry for all the ignorant shit I said about skaters that was on me. No one owes me a thing, but I hope to turn a new leaf and just be the kid inside of me that got forced into a dark corner for the past 3 years. It's good to be on here again and know I wont have to dip when things become weird at home :)
Cause that shit was never home and won't ever be home again!
I'm very lucky to be staying at my folks place now, currently recovering from the god damn rona ugh my first rodeo with it, I can't wait to get myself a new complete and go skate again as soon as I'm well!
^ that wasn't me, but I appreciate your comment and everyone else's all the same.
Nothing really to update about my situation. Just re-read what I wrote and that's exactly how I feel today. We've had ups and downs since that other post, but the situation is the same. TikTok gets way more of her attention than I do, and I still feel like shit for how I feel.
I've decided that I'm taking a step back from overworking on it with her. She's the one who needs to change, not me. Just hoping it doesn't backfire into making things worse.
I just feel like I'm going to spend my life trying to make others happy and at the end of it I'm either going to still feel like I didn't try hard enough, or I'm going to be full of regret for not making myself more of a priority.
Expand QuoteExpand Quotei got pure-o OCD[close]
Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior
A great book that is currently helping me a ton. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Know this; it’s your brain, not you. You are not OCD. You have a medical condition. That information itself has been extremely helpful for me. The book is self guided therapy. Check it out.[close]
Thanks man, i'll look into it. I appreciate the recommendation. I've had pure-O on and off for a while now, probably started in my mid-teens but worsened in my early 20s. I went to OCD-specific therapy at the OCD Center of LA which was life-changing. Since then I've had a lot of good years with minimal OCD. I am currently having a 'flare-up'. It's been hard because I am short on work right now so I have a lot of time to think and not much to distract me from my mind, but the good thing is that at this point in my life I know these times will just come and go and you just have to roll with it.
If I'm ever feeling sorry for myself I just remind myself that pretty much everyone has something going on, whether it's a gnarly physical ailment, a disease, an addiction or a mental health issue. OCD is hard but everyone deals with something, and I've been blessed with having great health in every other part of my life.
Here to chat if you ever want someone to talk about OCD stuff with.
Expand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand Quotei got pure-o OCD[close]
Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior
A great book that is currently helping me a ton. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Know this; it’s your brain, not you. You are not OCD. You have a medical condition. That information itself has been extremely helpful for me. The book is self guided therapy. Check it out.[close]
Thanks man, i'll look into it. I appreciate the recommendation. I've had pure-O on and off for a while now, probably started in my mid-teens but worsened in my early 20s. I went to OCD-specific therapy at the OCD Center of LA which was life-changing. Since then I've had a lot of good years with minimal OCD. I am currently having a 'flare-up'. It's been hard because I am short on work right now so I have a lot of time to think and not much to distract me from my mind, but the good thing is that at this point in my life I know these times will just come and go and you just have to roll with it.
If I'm ever feeling sorry for myself I just remind myself that pretty much everyone has something going on, whether it's a gnarly physical ailment, a disease, an addiction or a mental health issue. OCD is hard but everyone deals with something, and I've been blessed with having great health in every other part of my life.
Here to chat if you ever want someone to talk about OCD stuff with.[close]
Starting therapy tomorrow for OCD related stuff. Wish me luck! Also just started meds, very low dose. I wish everyone well & know you matter.
Expand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand QuoteExpand Quotei got pure-o OCD[close]
Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior
A great book that is currently helping me a ton. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Know this; it’s your brain, not you. You are not OCD. You have a medical condition. That information itself has been extremely helpful for me. The book is self guided therapy. Check it out.[close]
Thanks man, i'll look into it. I appreciate the recommendation. I've had pure-O on and off for a while now, probably started in my mid-teens but worsened in my early 20s. I went to OCD-specific therapy at the OCD Center of LA which was life-changing. Since then I've had a lot of good years with minimal OCD. I am currently having a 'flare-up'. It's been hard because I am short on work right now so I have a lot of time to think and not much to distract me from my mind, but the good thing is that at this point in my life I know these times will just come and go and you just have to roll with it.
If I'm ever feeling sorry for myself I just remind myself that pretty much everyone has something going on, whether it's a gnarly physical ailment, a disease, an addiction or a mental health issue. OCD is hard but everyone deals with something, and I've been blessed with having great health in every other part of my life.
Here to chat if you ever want someone to talk about OCD stuff with.[close]
Starting therapy tomorrow for OCD related stuff. Wish me luck! Also just started meds, very low dose. I wish everyone well & know you matter.[close]
Good luck mate! Had that shit as a kid related to germs and it was fucking exhausting to say the least, not to mention highly irrational at the best of times and downright borderline psychotic at the worst.
Been feeling like I can’t ever catch a break. The last 4 months have been one shitshow after another. I’m not gonna pretend I’m perfect, I’ve definitely fucked up too but shit just feels unfair. Couple months ago i got this weird rib pain that’s persisted despite 6 weeks of rest- thought it was done then after one day of exercising (but not skating or snowboarding) again it came right back. Most recently, i got slapped with an 800$ ticket for driving without tire chains and having expired tabs- tried to sort it out today, but it turns out i need my vehicle title which i lost, so i gotta deal with that, on top of a court date. So now I’m sitting in a dr office to get this weird pain checked out pretty much expecting bad news because why the fuck would I expect differently. People keep on telling me to “keep my head up” and i just want to scream FUCK YOU every time because I’m obviously bitter and sick of people’s fake positivity.
Not trying to do a “woe is me life is unfair” post and I realize people have bigger problems but right now life is just kicking my ass and I feel like I’m barely hanging on.
Expand QuoteBeen feeling like I can’t ever catch a break. The last 4 months have been one shitshow after another. I’m not gonna pretend I’m perfect, I’ve definitely fucked up too but shit just feels unfair. Couple months ago i got this weird rib pain that’s persisted despite 6 weeks of rest- thought it was done then after one day of exercising (but not skating or snowboarding) again it came right back. Most recently, i got slapped with an 800$ ticket for driving without tire chains and having expired tabs- tried to sort it out today, but it turns out i need my vehicle title which i lost, so i gotta deal with that, on top of a court date. So now I’m sitting in a dr office to get this weird pain checked out pretty much expecting bad news because why the fuck would I expect differently. People keep on telling me to “keep my head up” and i just want to scream FUCK YOU every time because I’m obviously bitter and sick of people’s fake positivity.
Not trying to do a “woe is me life is unfair” post and I realize people have bigger problems but right now life is just kicking my ass and I feel like I’m barely hanging on.[close]
Fuck I hope this all turns out ok. Hit me up whenever
Expand QuoteExpand QuoteBeen feeling like I can’t ever catch a break. The last 4 months have been one shitshow after another. I’m not gonna pretend I’m perfect, I’ve definitely fucked up too but shit just feels unfair. Couple months ago i got this weird rib pain that’s persisted despite 6 weeks of rest- thought it was done then after one day of exercising (but not skating or snowboarding) again it came right back. Most recently, i got slapped with an 800$ ticket for driving without tire chains and having expired tabs- tried to sort it out today, but it turns out i need my vehicle title which i lost, so i gotta deal with that, on top of a court date. So now I’m sitting in a dr office to get this weird pain checked out pretty much expecting bad news because why the fuck would I expect differently. People keep on telling me to “keep my head up” and i just want to scream FUCK YOU every time because I’m obviously bitter and sick of people’s fake positivity.
Not trying to do a “woe is me life is unfair” post and I realize people have bigger problems but right now life is just kicking my ass and I feel like I’m barely hanging on.[close]
Fuck I hope this all turns out ok. Hit me up whenever[close]
Thanks boosie, appreciate you! Turns out it’s a cartilage injury which means i can continue on with physical activity as long as it’s not painful. Gonna start pt asap so that should help out
I’ve suffered from periods of depression since I was really young, and I got a call from the doctors about a month ago telling me my prescription for anti depressants has been stopped because they don’t want anyone to stay on them for multiple years and become dependant which seems fucking ridiculous to me but whatever. So now I’m back on no meds and I’m finding it really hard to cope with day to day life. I’ve always smoked a lot of weed but since they cut the meds I’ve been finding it borderline unbearable to be sober. I have a girlfriend who I love and a job that’s broadly in the skate industry which I know I should be happy with but I can’t help but be miserable most of the time. I’m hardly even skating at the moment because I can’t find motivation to get out the house. Sorry for the long rant but If anyone else who’s experienced depression can give me some advice I would appreciate it a lot.
I’ve suffered from periods of depression since I was really young, and I got a call from the doctors about a month ago telling me my prescription for anti depressants has been stopped because they don’t want anyone to stay on them for multiple years and become dependant which seems fucking ridiculous to me but whatever. So now I’m back on no meds and I’m finding it really hard to cope with day to day life. I’ve always smoked a lot of weed but since they cut the meds I’ve been finding it borderline unbearable to be sober. I have a girlfriend who I love and a job that’s broadly in the skate industry which I know I should be happy with but I can’t help but be miserable most of the time. I’m hardly even skating at the moment because I can’t find motivation to get out the house. Sorry for the long rant but If anyone else who’s experienced depression can give me some advice I would appreciate it a lot.
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond man, it feels good to get stuff off my chest a bit, as much as I do love my friends I feel like I can’t really talk to them about shit like this. I think you’re probably right about the job stuff, I’m 20 and I just kind of fell into the job from knowing people in the scene and I never put much thought into if it’s really what I want to do. The problem I have is I left school with fuck all qualifications and my only experience outside of my current job is shitty call centre and bar work, so I feel kind of trapped in my job in the sense that I don’t think I could get anything better. I’m really regretting some of the life choices I made when I was younger (mainly dropping out of education), and that’s another thing that’s been getting me down a lot. I think what I’m gonna do is see if I can get therapy on the NHS, and try and get skating on my own at night after work maybe. Thanks again for the advice, it genuinely means a lot.Expand QuoteI’ve suffered from periods of depression since I was really young, and I got a call from the doctors about a month ago telling me my prescription for anti depressants has been stopped because they don’t want anyone to stay on them for multiple years and become dependant which seems fucking ridiculous to me but whatever. So now I’m back on no meds and I’m finding it really hard to cope with day to day life. I’ve always smoked a lot of weed but since they cut the meds I’ve been finding it borderline unbearable to be sober. I have a girlfriend who I love and a job that’s broadly in the skate industry which I know I should be happy with but I can’t help but be miserable most of the time. I’m hardly even skating at the moment because I can’t find motivation to get out the house. Sorry for the long rant but If anyone else who’s experienced depression can give me some advice I would appreciate it a lot.[close]
first of all, this sucks and i'm sorry. i totally understand where you are coming from. i was in a similar situation to you about a decade back. i still have depressive periods, but they are not that bad anymore, definitely copable.
this may sound obvious and stupid, but i think it would help if you tried to figure out if you are actually happy working in skateboarding. maybe you'd rather skate and not deal with it on a business level. or maybe you feel lucky you work in skating, but actually that was never your goal. maybe there is or was something else you wanted to pursue and it got buried beneath depression and work and what not. maybe you want to do your current job outside of skateboarding, or maybe it would be good if you stayed in the industry, but could switch the actual work/jobs.
on the one hand, i want to suggest you stop smoking for a bit, even if it sucks, to totally clear out your head, but if it means you get more depressed, that might not be a good idea. it's important you allow yourself some comfort. ultimately i think people that are sick of weed usually have little problems stopping.
when it comes to skating, what helped me was just going out alone, setting very basic goals for myself. basically being alone with my skateboard and taking out the social aspect. it reaffirmed that i love skating, but not necessarily the whole social stuff around it. going skating for skateboardings sake basically.
not sure if any of this hits any mark for you, but these are just some suggestions to find some ease. ultimately i would recommend seeing a therapist you vibe with regularily if that is possible for you. other than that, introspection in search of what is really bothering you is good. try to identify those bothersome things you might have complied with too much all of the time and don't comply anymore for a start.
it's not easy, you don't have to try all this at the same time. but you have options. don't be scared and don't give up :)
Its been a while pals...so, my 2023 has come to an apex of sorts. I left my job but am pivoting to get a certification in being a Medical Instrument technician, due to dealing with work burnout and an assault on my personal space. But aside from that, I'm going back to therapy (via kp.org/ginger/calm), joined a remote gym via zoom about a few months back, and am even getting back into skating more, rather than, forgetting why I started it, b/c there's a place for my skating as well as like Windosr's or Spanly's. Sorry for the long winded update, life hammers being thrown!
Has anyone here tried better health? I did my first session with a therapist a bit ago, and it was fine but I’ve yet to do a real thing. I’ll do more but need to wait a little bit to afford again.
I went to therapy through my health insurance, and that sucked. It took ~a month to find a therapist, and even then it wasn’t what i needed, and at no point did i trust this guy (and he would sip tea super loudly throughout our sessions and I never had the courage to say anything).
So I figured it cant hurt to try something else, and I sincerely hope it’s not just a podcast ad
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond man, it feels good to get stuff off my chest a bit, as much as I do love my friends I feel like I can’t really talk to them about shit like this. I think you’re probably right about the job stuff, I’m 20 and I just kind of fell into the job from knowing people in the scene and I never put much thought into if it’s really what I want to do. The problem I have is I left school with fuck all qualifications and my only experience outside of my current job is shitty call centre and bar work, so I feel kind of trapped in my job in the sense that I don’t think I could get anything better. I’m really regretting some of the life choices I made when I was younger (mainly dropping out of education), and that’s another thing that’s been getting me down a lot. I think what I’m gonna do is see if I can get therapy on the NHS, and try and get skating on my own at night after work maybe. Thanks again for the advice, it genuinely means a lot.Expand QuoteExpand QuoteI’ve suffered from periods of depression since I was really young, and I got a call from the doctors about a month ago telling me my prescription for anti depressants has been stopped because they don’t want anyone to stay on them for multiple years and become dependant which seems fucking ridiculous to me but whatever. So now I’m back on no meds and I’m finding it really hard to cope with day to day life. I’ve always smoked a lot of weed but since they cut the meds I’ve been finding it borderline unbearable to be sober. I have a girlfriend who I love and a job that’s broadly in the skate industry which I know I should be happy with but I can’t help but be miserable most of the time. I’m hardly even skating at the moment because I can’t find motivation to get out the house. Sorry for the long rant but If anyone else who’s experienced depression can give me some advice I would appreciate it a lot.[close]
first of all, this sucks and i'm sorry. i totally understand where you are coming from. i was in a similar situation to you about a decade back. i still have depressive periods, but they are not that bad anymore, definitely copable.
this may sound obvious and stupid, but i think it would help if you tried to figure out if you are actually happy working in skateboarding. maybe you'd rather skate and not deal with it on a business level. or maybe you feel lucky you work in skating, but actually that was never your goal. maybe there is or was something else you wanted to pursue and it got buried beneath depression and work and what not. maybe you want to do your current job outside of skateboarding, or maybe it would be good if you stayed in the industry, but could switch the actual work/jobs.
on the one hand, i want to suggest you stop smoking for a bit, even if it sucks, to totally clear out your head, but if it means you get more depressed, that might not be a good idea. it's important you allow yourself some comfort. ultimately i think people that are sick of weed usually have little problems stopping.
when it comes to skating, what helped me was just going out alone, setting very basic goals for myself. basically being alone with my skateboard and taking out the social aspect. it reaffirmed that i love skating, but not necessarily the whole social stuff around it. going skating for skateboardings sake basically.
not sure if any of this hits any mark for you, but these are just some suggestions to find some ease. ultimately i would recommend seeing a therapist you vibe with regularily if that is possible for you. other than that, introspection in search of what is really bothering you is good. try to identify those bothersome things you might have complied with too much all of the time and don't comply anymore for a start.
it's not easy, you don't have to try all this at the same time. but you have options. don't be scared and don't give up :)[close]
I am going through the end of my marriage. I feel lost and don’t know what to do. I don’t feel loved anymore, she has a new job a couple of years ago and everything changed. Me and our family don’t seem to be her priority anymore. Hanging out with people from work is more important. Also her childhood traumas makes it difficult to conect in a deeper level. All that is draining anything good from me, i always considered myself a confident and Easygoing guy, but know i Can even recognize myself. I believe i lost my self trying to hard to adapt to this lack of attention and love.
I needed to get that out of my chest.
Expand QuoteI am going through the end of my marriage. I feel lost and don’t know what to do. I don’t feel loved anymore, she has a new job a couple of years ago and everything changed. Me and our family don’t seem to be her priority anymore. Hanging out with people from work is more important. Also her childhood traumas makes it difficult to conect in a deeper level. All that is draining anything good from me, i always considered myself a confident and Easygoing guy, but know i Can even recognize myself. I believe i lost my self trying to hard to adapt to this lack of attention and love.
I needed to get that out of my chest.[close]
yeah sounds like a good idea to get out of that marriage if you've been feeling that way for a very long time. i was never married, nor had kids, so no idea if that might complicate things more, but regardless, you have to look out for yourself. imo it's better to call it quits and find happiness with someone else than to drag out a loveless relationship. my parents never loved each other, always argued and fighted, but never seperated, which made mine and my brothers childhoods constantly revolve around their beef and it was the worst thing that could happen to our family as we would all become mentally ill from this in our teenage years. so even if you have a kid, if you think the relationship is unfixable, a peaceful seperation might be healthier for the kid(s) in the long run than to stay together for them. i only say this because i know a few cases where kids were the sole reason parents weren't seperated and pretty much no child comes out unscathed from under a toxic or loveless relationship. it's better to have one happy parent than two depressed parents who fight each other. i wished so much my mom would have seperated when she could, i was practically begging her to leave my dad for her and our sake. and also the kids always know whatsup. you can't play it fine in front of them. they might not say something, but kids always know the vibes.
anyways, good luck for your future.
Missed being on here. Got pretty depressed a little over a year ago. I'm deeming 2022 a bad year for me. Im practicing calm as much as I can and I'm still being put to the test but I think I am doing better. I'm glad to come on here and read what people are talking about. I really laugh a lot when I read stuff on here. I always think of that sig. talking about Jereme Rogers looking like the devil in a Christian school play. hahaha
Edit: SHALOM!
IDK even know what to say to my counselor anymore. I been complaining about the same shit for too long w/o solution. I think I'm dying from infection
IDK even know what to say to my counselor anymore. I been complaining about the same shit for too long w/o solution. I think I'm dying from infection
Expand QuoteIDK even know what to say to my counselor anymore. I been complaining about the same shit for too long w/o solution. I think I'm dying from infection[close]
Find a professional social worker also known as an LCSW. They’re trained to look at ALL angles when working with someone. It’s called a systems perspective. I’m an LSW myself & I’m in therapy with an LCSW & my goodness, it’s great.
Expand QuoteExpand QuoteIDK even know what to say to my counselor anymore. I been complaining about the same shit for too long w/o solution. I think I'm dying from infection[close]
Find a professional social worker also known as an LCSW. They’re trained to look at ALL angles when working with someone. It’s called a systems perspective. I’m an LSW myself & I’m in therapy with an LCSW & my goodness, it’s great.[close]
Its an LICSW where @Uncle Flea is located.
@Jim and Dan
Hang in there bud. I gotta go skate providence this fall and need a guide. Maybe we can make a mission and get flea bag to skate with is as well
I’m entering rehab or intensive out patient care this Tuesday. A few weeks ago I had gotten my card declined trying to get breakfast burritos and I had my girlfriend’s dog in the car. I knew I had money but I had also spent a lot the night before on a sex worker and weed too. Something hit me and I knew if I didn’t get help I’d black out from mental exhaustion and just walk on the road or I’d just cry profusely while driving and crash. But I didn’t want to admit to my girlfriend or stop using weed. So I just went to my mom who I knew wouldn’t really do anything. I just kept going and then last week my girlfriend broke up with me. It was like every time I did something bad I would keep saying in my head you’re going to lose the people important to you but I just kept doing it. Like having my hand over a candle and seeing if it got burnt, then trying again to get a different result.
Edit: it is really hard not to just smoke some weed right now. Pretty much from 15/16 on I have been smoking. Something bad happens let’s smoke. Something good happens let’s smoke. Movie theater? Smoke. Right now I want to smoke but I know that it’ll end with me being scared once it runs out and I can’t find more.
Anyone have experience with mood stabilizers? They prescribed me diavalproex sodium 250g one in the morning one at night.
Im about two weeks into taking depekote(spelling might be off?) but so far my impulses are much better. I don’t have the urge to drink and drive or fuck as many women as possible plus I am feeling calmer in my mood. It’s crazy to think I’ve probably been dealing with this most of my life. I just thought I was lazy then I’d get my shit together for a few days then lazy or sad again for some reason.Expand QuoteAnyone have experience with mood stabilizers? They prescribed me diavalproex sodium 250g one in the morning one at night.[close]
I used to take lamotrigine with venlafaxine and all they ever did was make me feel flat, no ups, no down, no real care for myself or anyone else. I've heard some people respond well to them but that's the problem with modern psychiatric medicine, it's not a one-size-fits-all formula when it comes to medications and how you will respond to them. I've ultimately decided they aren't for me, but by no means take that as an endorsement to not take them, as I don't know your particular circumstances or background. It appears that this is an off-label anti-convulsant, which is pretty common these days and may not present some of the same issues that classic anti-psychotics or a-typical anti-depressants may present regarding physical and mental side-effects. If it's a path you want to take, give them a month or 2 to stabilize and if they present issues, consult your doctor about replacement or augmentation. I'd always advise another form of talk-therapy in conjunction with any medication treatment, as only speaking for myself, were temporary fixes to a much larger issue and are not a "quick fix".
Edit: Wishing you the best with whatever you may be struggling with and don't be afraid to PM me if you need anything.
I’m sure I’m definitely not the only one.hey man, sorry to hear about your divorce & losing your child. no matter what ties someone has, they definitely shouldn’t be able to break the law because they are related to someone who is “higher up” so to speak or “above the law”. it’s misfortunate. with that, i want to respond to your question. have you ever truly been happy? well, i too have been asking myself this lately. i have also gone through more losses than the common person, pretty much my whole immediate family to be exact. so when i stumble upon this question, i raise the point to myself that yes, indeed i was happy. i was happy when i had my family, that’s why i am so depressed now. the same goes for you it seems. you were happy when your child was born right? the day you got married? otherwise you wouldn’t be so down now about having lost them. that is how i feel. in order to feel this low, i had to have felt a lot higher at some point, & the memories of when i did taint the feeling of now because of how much i miss that feeling & that comfort. what does that say though about you or i? that we at least have enough compassion for the things that we love, that bring us joy, so much so that the lack of them or the sudden parting from them makes us question our own happiness. that says a lot more about you than you think it does. & it also says that despite how it feels right now, you have the heart to make it through this and to find a new joy in your life as well as hopefully patching the holes that are there & reuniting with your loved ones as much as possible down the line, so long as you keep your composure and don’t let these hard times allow you to spiral downwards as i did. sometimes things just fall apart no matter how hard you try to keep them together and by no doing of your own. life is a test. i hope the best for you & i appreciate your vulnerability and your speaking out of it for all members on board. i just found this thread and want to say that i truly appreciate it, let’s all do our best to keep a good supportive group here despite what this site may be to the outside eye.
But do you feel like you were never destined for a happy life??
I’ve ticked all the things that “people” will say you’ve made it. You’re doing everything right.
And I still feel like a piece of sidewalk dog shit.
The only time where I thought “this is what life is about” was NYE 2010 when I was watching the fireworks with my pregnant girlfriend and thinking “this is it” I was happy.
Then my son was born, on my birthday, and I was mad nervous and confused , her family claimed dominance and I never had much input unless I was sleeping on the floor next to his crib so his mum could sleep. I did that for the first year. But I was more worried that I’ve brought a kid into this world of shit.
But I tried my hardest. She comes from a long line of money. I do not. She left me and took him interstate which is illegal here. But her mother has lawyers on retainer so..
I don’t know what I’m trying to say.
Actually!!!
Have you ever been truely happy???
I’m sure I’m definitely not the only one.
But do you feel like you were never destined for a happy life??
I’ve ticked all the things that “people” will say you’ve made it. You’re doing everything right.
And I still feel like a piece of sidewalk dog shit.
The only time where I thought “this is what life is about” was NYE 2010 when I was watching the fireworks with my pregnant girlfriend and thinking “this is it” I was happy.
Then my son was born, on my birthday, and I was mad nervous and confused , her family claimed dominance and I never had much input unless I was sleeping on the floor next to his crib so his mum could sleep. I did that for the first year. But I was more worried that I’ve brought a kid into this world of shit.
But I tried my hardest. She comes from a long line of money. I do not. She left me and took him interstate which is illegal here. But her mother has lawyers on retainer so..
I don’t know what I’m trying to say.
Actually!!!
Have you ever been truely happy???
^^
I felt like this for a really long time. I never seriously thought about ending it though but would always just think it would be easier if I wasn’t around. Go ride my bike into the woods and never come out kind of thing. I went in for my annual physical and I basically told my doc that I was just waiting around to die. So 15 years or so after a diagnosis I finally started taking meds. I was so tired of just being a raging manic asshole all the time. It’s crazy how different I feel after a few weeks. Just calm. I also feel pretty guilty about not handling this earlier and putting my family through the wringer. Im surprised they’re still with me.
Also quit drinking. I’m not trying to mess this up.
I just wanted to remind you all that
I luv you and I hope all your best dreams come true.
Hi everyone :) what the heck it's been too dang long!
I am v grateful to be back, god its been a hard year. I hit rock bottom around the beginning of August, when I started making plans in my journal to end my own life. Shit was really scary, but I was able to inform my family and close friends, and they of course were like 'bitch get back in therapy' hahahaha. Filling out risk assessment forms has been really jarring and for a couple of weeks I felt like I was just suspended in a state of shock, for how dark my own life had become.
But those days are slowly, slowwwwllly hahaha, slowly slipping behind me. Been reuniting with so many friends and just planting my roots mad hard in my community. Plus I am skating again!
My ex, he was such a sophisticatedly fucked up person. I was raped over and over, cut off from my friends & family so that I had nowhere to run and no one to turn to. I have so much PTSD that I'm working through every day and will prob be stuck with that shit for a good chunk of years.
My family saved me from that fucker and I'm so lucky to b safe n sound
Fuck it we ball. My only goals in life, now that I have seen past the darkest time I hope I will ever see, is: to be based, have buds, and bool hard af.
I love you all with all my heart PALS 4 life and SLAP support 4 life :)
(https://www.simpleimageresizer.com/_uploads/photos/02aadea0/IMG_5756_1_666x666.jpg)
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo! -demeter
Hey everyone, first time talking about my mental health on here.Hey. Depression is hard. I don’t have anything really good advice to give right now just want you to know you’re seen and your feelings are valid. Life is a roller coaster and everything that goes down will come up eventually. No intense feeling lasts forever.
So over the past few years I’ve been struggling with really awful depression. For some context Im an extremely introverted person with crippling social anxiety so as you can imagine Im prone to finding myself socially isolated. With the university year starting again I’ve found myself back in a really awful rut of feeling depressed with thoughts of “what’s the point?” and “why am I still alive?” crossing my mind daily.
Being back on campus 5 days a week is starting to take a toll on me. Looking back and thinking about what has pulled me away from depression the past few years the two things that have done it for me; friends and skateboarding, but now that the school year has started again, all my friends from high school and childhood have gone their separate ways, and the physical and mental drain of going to classes and sitting in lectures every day has stopped me from skateboarding as often as I like. Or maybe the drain is from me falling back into depression. Idk
I’ve tried to branch out and make friends at uni, but the people I’ve found myself surrounded with have no appeal to me whatsoever. I even tried my uni’s skateboarding club hoping I could meet some other skaters, but when I went to the first meetup it was all people dancing on longboards/surfskates in sandals, some inline rollerbladers, and some guy on a scooter, so I just went home feeling dejected.
It’s been really tough transitioning from 4+ months of skating with friends and hanging out with people I’ve known for years to looking down the barrel of 8 months of social isolation and a routine full of classes and lectures that I have no interest in whatsoever, with no end goal for me to work towards. Just thinking about it there’s a pit in my stomach.
The usual drive and motivation to go and skate is gone. I haven’t been to a skatepark in months. I have no urge to try and learn new tricks and progress. My typical session now is go to the same curb/ledge spot and do the same tricks for like an hour. If I’m feeling ambitious maybe I’ll throw some variation in; shuv out of this, 180 out of that. My sessions have been getting less and less fulfilling but skateboarding is the only thing in my life that gives me any enjoyment, even if its just a fraction of how much I’ve enjoyed it before.
I have no idea where I’m going with this. Any advice would be appreciated. Just being able to vent also helps. I think. Whatever. Thanks everyone,
shalom
I’ve been dealing with pain and discomfort in my testicles and penis and a test came back positive for mycoplasma and ureaplasma. The pain has been really affecting my mental health. I’m on a second round of antibiotics (doxycycline and levofloxacin) and I’m hoping it will cure it and take away the discomfort and pain.
Hey everyone, first time talking about my mental health on here.
So over the past few years I’ve been struggling with really awful depression. For some context Im an extremely introverted person with crippling social anxiety so as you can imagine Im prone to finding myself socially isolated. With the university year starting again I’ve found myself back in a really awful rut of feeling depressed with thoughts of “what’s the point?” and “why am I still alive?” crossing my mind daily.
Being back on campus 5 days a week is starting to take a toll on me. Looking back and thinking about what has pulled me away from depression the past few years the two things that have done it for me; friends and skateboarding, but now that the school year has started again, all my friends from high school and childhood have gone their separate ways, and the physical and mental drain of going to classes and sitting in lectures every day has stopped me from skateboarding as often as I like. Or maybe the drain is from me falling back into depression. Idk
I’ve tried to branch out and make friends at uni, but the people I’ve found myself surrounded with have no appeal to me whatsoever. I even tried my uni’s skateboarding club hoping I could meet some other skaters, but when I went to the first meetup it was all people dancing on longboards/surfskates in sandals, some inline rollerbladers, and some guy on a scooter, so I just went home feeling dejected.
It’s been really tough transitioning from 4+ months of skating with friends and hanging out with people I’ve known for years to looking down the barrel of 8 months of social isolation and a routine full of classes and lectures that I have no interest in whatsoever, with no end goal for me to work towards. Just thinking about it there’s a pit in my stomach.
The usual drive and motivation to go and skate is gone. I haven’t been to a skatepark in months. I have no urge to try and learn new tricks and progress. My typical session now is go to the same curb/ledge spot and do the same tricks for like an hour. If I’m feeling ambitious maybe I’ll throw some variation in; shuv out of this, 180 out of that. My sessions have been getting less and less fulfilling but skateboarding is the only thing in my life that gives me any enjoyment, even if its just a fraction of how much I’ve enjoyed it before.
I have no idea where I’m going with this. Any advice would be appreciated. Just being able to vent also helps. I think. Whatever. Thanks everyone,
shalom
@ihatejulio those are such difficult thoughts to grapple with, but as you say, you're in a good spot now and while that isn't all that matters, it's better than what came before. Onwards and upwards!
Thank you for this thread. I wasn’t expecting to need as much as I feel I do right now.
My girlfriend broke up with me recently and it is kicking my ass. I bought aspirin for the first time in my life today because I read it is recommended for heartbreak.
We were doing long distance for awhile..and then the call came. So now I’m stuck at home in a neighborhood she found for us at a job where everyone loves her (me too) just reminded of her at every corner. IT SUCKS. I can’t tell whether I should make some rash decisions or not. Like, should I move or not? Do I get a cat? She took both of em :( Which is worse? Do I toss out all my stuff? I’m not the best with change, so anything semi-drastic feels like it could go really wrong for me and what little sanity I have. Maybe it’s all bad and I just have to play through the pain.
I’m doing my freaking best but it’s really a gut punch of pain & tears when I get home. I made dinner and my stomach is grumbling, but I’ve lost my appetite. I need to eat. I know it. It’s an exhausting cycle and experience.
The good news is I have made it 30 days. I don’t know if any one day is harder than the others, but I am taking that victory. I do want to see what’s on the other side of all this grief.. but barely. But I do.
Expand QuoteThank you for this thread. I wasn’t expecting to need as much as I feel I do right now.
My girlfriend broke up with me recently and it is kicking my ass. I bought aspirin for the first time in my life today because I read it is recommended for heartbreak.
We were doing long distance for awhile..and then the call came. So now I’m stuck at home in a neighborhood she found for us at a job where everyone loves her (me too) just reminded of her at every corner. IT SUCKS. I can’t tell whether I should make some rash decisions or not. Like, should I move or not? Do I get a cat? She took both of em :( Which is worse? Do I toss out all my stuff? I’m not the best with change, so anything semi-drastic feels like it could go really wrong for me and what little sanity I have. Maybe it’s all bad and I just have to play through the pain.
I’m doing my freaking best but it’s really a gut punch of pain & tears when I get home. I made dinner and my stomach is grumbling, but I’ve lost my appetite. I need to eat. I know it. It’s an exhausting cycle and experience.
The good news is I have made it 30 days. I don’t know if any one day is harder than the others, but I am taking that victory. I do want to see what’s on the other side of all this grief.. but barely. But I do.[close]
How are you doing now? Is really feel for you and can relate.
My uncle is about to die from undiagnosed aids. He’s in an induced coma right now and they’re doing dialysis but his body is shutting down. I don’t know what to say really or how to feel.
How's everyone doing?
Yeah, me too this morning. Woke up into feelings that seem insurmountable, leading into suicidal ideation. I deal a lot with the feeling that I just do not have what it takes to live.Expand QuoteHow's everyone doing?[close]
Low-key in the gutter figuratively
Yeah, me too this morning. Woke up into feelings that seem insurmountable, leading into suicidal ideation. I deal a lot with the feeling that I just do not have what it takes to live.Expand QuoteExpand QuoteHow's everyone doing?[close]
Low-key in the gutter figuratively[close]
Am struggling with the financial aspect of going into a therapy, I don't have a lot of money at the moment and I don't want to waste it.
@Dark Knight Bro please let us know if we can help in any way
Expand Quote@Dark Knight Bro please let us know if we can help in any way[close]
Doing the best I can, man. Can barely use my hands. For those that aren’t aware I developed a very debilitating neurological disorder about 3 weeks ago. It causes 24/7 bodily convulsions/contractions/tremors from my nose to my toes. It’s affecting my airway worse and worse everyday. Only reason I’m even able to type this out is because my hands and fingers are working at the moment but it’s super painful…so yeah.
Expand Quote@Dark Knight Bro please let us know if we can help in any way[close]
Doing the best I can, man. Can barely use my hands. For those that aren’t aware I developed a very debilitating neurological disorder about 3 weeks ago. It causes 24/7 bodily convulsions/contractions/tremors from my nose to my toes. It’s affecting my airway worse and worse everyday. Only reason I’m even able to type this out is because my hands and fingers are working at the moment but it’s super painful…so yeah.
That's rough, stay strong.
10 toes down. I understand my gf and I have been fighting recently because we are both stressed
I got a new job this year and am making more money than ever but it is draining me mentally and I haven't been able to be there as much emotionally. My gf has lupus and she is having to use a cane since last christmas and none of the doctors or meds seem to help much.
Hey pals
I'm coming off of sertraline (i think called zoloft for the American pals) and mood stabilizers and I'm kind of a fucking mess suffering from withdrawal. Pretty much the worst time of year for someone to come off antidepressants as well thinking about it.
Found this thread today and have been reading through a couple pages, I hope you guys are doing well, truly. This site has given me a lot of good laughs.
Peace homies
I’ve been feeling especially lonely since I’ve got my 2 bedroom apartment to myself. Most of the decor was my roommate’s so now the place is looking deserted and sparse. I can even hear an echo whenever I close a door or step too loudly. Also feel like I’m taking a huge step backwards because I’m losing the place and will have to move back in with my mom. Feeling like I should’ve taken my psychologist up on the ketamine treatment.
I’ve been feeling especially lonely since I’ve got my 2 bedroom apartment to myself. Most of the decor was my roommate’s so now the place is looking deserted and sparse. I can even hear an echo whenever I close a door or step too loudly. Also feel like I’m taking a huge step backwards because I’m losing the place and will have to move back in with my mom. Feeling like I should’ve taken my psychologist up on the ketamine treatment.Yo. I was pretty much in your postion, am somewhat back into it, including the ketamine treatment. A few things I want to share with you:
I feel kind of silly posting this. I'm realizing that I don't really know anyone here. Much like the rest of my life, I'm "around" but not connected with very many people. Or at least I don't feel connected.Hope you're still here. I saw suicide as my destiny for a long time, so I understand a part of what you're saying. I don't know anyone on Slap either, but I don't think that matters much. Just as much as a spot or a park is anyone's game. Feel free to PM if you are looking for someone to talk to, I'll try to monitor my inbox on the off chance you do.
I've struggled with really heavy depression since I was a kid. Through a lot of ups and downs, I've now found myself more down than I've ever been. Years of therapy hasn't helped, years of medication hasn't helped. I'm financially fucked because I spent the entirety of last year not working while I went through an intensive therapy program at a hospital here in NY. I burned through what little savings I had, and then found out after completing it that my insurance didn't cover most of the cost, despite what I was initially told by the insurance company. That program, of course, didn't really help. For a long time it seems like the only reason suicide wasn't an option was because I didn't want to make my loved ones sad. But now I don't know, I guess I don't have it in me to keep going. Important windows of opportunity have closed, I've failed too many times, and it's clear there's no place for me anymore. I'm kind of scared because for the first time I feel numb about it all. It's like the sadness has pushed into a realm of acceptance. I can't afford to live and I can't find purpose. What I create is just a drop in the ocean, and it's not enough to make a difference when the whole world is on fire. So I guess that's it.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for here. It's 2am and I don't have anyone to talk to, so I guess I just wanted to spill that.
I feel kind of silly posting this. I'm realizing that I don't really know anyone here. Much like the rest of my life, I'm "around" but not connected with very many people. Or at least I don't feel connected.
I've struggled with really heavy depression since I was a kid. Through a lot of ups and downs, I've now found myself more down than I've ever been. Years of therapy hasn't helped, years of medication hasn't helped. I'm financially fucked because I spent the entirety of last year not working while I went through an intensive therapy program at a hospital here in NY. I burned through what little savings I had, and then found out after completing it that my insurance didn't cover most of the cost, despite what I was initially told by the insurance company. That program, of course, didn't really help. For a long time it seems like the only reason suicide wasn't an option was because I didn't want to make my loved ones sad. But now I don't know, I guess I don't have it in me to keep going. Important windows of opportunity have closed, I've failed too many times, and it's clear there's no place for me anymore. I'm kind of scared because for the first time I feel numb about it all. It's like the sadness has pushed into a realm of acceptance. I can't afford to live and I can't find purpose. What I create is just a drop in the ocean, and it's not enough to make a difference when the whole world is on fire. So I guess that's it.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for here. It's 2am and I don't have anyone to talk to, so I guess I just wanted to spill that.