I fuck a thick 45 MILF, I fucking love it! The sex is unreal when she drinks or we do coke (which we don't really do now because we get out of control), violent & dirty sex follows... She used to get off watching me shoot coke until the point of having no veins to shoot in. Done some pretty wild shit with her, but I fucking love her at the same time, I love her kids, I took care of her mom until the day she died.
She left on vacation last Sunday, after which I promptly relapsed & spent several hundred dollars smoking crack cocaine with some homeless people in Providence.
She's pissed now, although I didn't continue my binge after Sunday & all I want to do is go home...
She kicked me out of the house, I lost my fucking mind & have been hiding out in an empty house owned by my grandmother since Monday...
I just want to go home & have just been sending crazy emails to her without reading any replies... Guess I just gave my everything to this relationship, it's seriously like any other drug, it's an addiction. I'm addicted to the good feelings & praise that I can get out of her, but it's not like a game, it's only out of pure love.
I just rocked 2400 mgs of Gabapentin, so I'm like in a crazy trance zone that I have created for myself, writing basically a novel to my woman about how she will never find a partner that loves her & her family more than me, but I'm so scared to read any replies & I think she is coming home tomorrow. I just want to go back to normal, because my life is fucking lost without her... I'm in such a weird space that is so off the fucking rails, but at least I'm not out in the streets with the crack pipe or a needle...