One time I was buying groceries and I was farting and it smelled really bad so I figured I had to poop and went into the bathroom. I sat down but almost fainted becaise the farts were so stinky (smelled like cat food and onions). I prepared myself to crack the bowl in half purely based off smell alone, this was going to be some major destruction. I let loose and feel my bowels fully empty (half in pain half relieving) and the smell that followed can't be explained. I can try though. It was like a mixture of the cat food onion smell mixed with pizza that had been sitting out for a week with hot sauce poured on it that was lit on fire and extinguished with vinegar. Lastly, I get up to look at what i've just expelled out of my asshole (everyone does that right?) and chuckle. I reach over while looking at my creation to grab some tp from the little metal box on the wall only to imediately start panicking. That's right. Public toilet massacre and they didn't replace the tp. So there I am just standing there with my south pole pants around my ankles with poop all over my asshole wondering what the fuck i'm gonna do. I get the bright idea to take off my underwear and use them as a wiping substitute, great works fine. Then, I decide im going to flush them so i flush the poop first because there was just so much of it. As soon as I flush I see the water level rising and start freaking the fuck out. Mind you my pants are at my ankles still. I hurry up and wipe the best I could and throw the underwear in the overflowing toilet hoping it would stop while i'm trying to pull my pants up. Shit water starts fucking pouring out all over the floor as i'm backing up towards the door tightening up my belt thinking "god damn what the fuck have I done?". I bust open the door and everyone is looking at me. They know. I don't know if they smelled the farts/poop or if they could tell by the look in my eyes. Neither. It's the shit water flood pouring out from underneath the bathroom door behind me. As I'm speedwalking towards the exit I hear an employee scream and then I turn around as I'm walking out the door only to see they opened the bathroom door and my underwear are floating down the shit water river like some kind of poop stained noahs ark. Never eating a chocolate milkshake and spaghetti before shopping again.
beans shit 2x, both in n. philly acting stupid..
chased a dude with a piñata (he pulled a mango on a girl at a party we were invited to but we were turned away from)
seen a few dudes getting beaten of
i’ve been through a lot of non sauce
Expand Quotebeans shit 2x, both in n. philly acting stupid..
chased a dude with a piñata (he pulled a mango on a girl at a party we were invited to but we were turned away from)
seen a few dudes getting beaten of
i’ve been through a lot of non sauce[close]
I'm bipolar and schizophrenic. After days of no food or sleep I have experienced astral travel, communicated with entities from the fourth dimension, and relived ancestral memories. I have also been in fights with psych ward staff, tackled and forcibly injected with tranquilizers, and put in full restraints with my arms crossed in front of me like a straight jacket. The poor guy who had to sit in the restraint room with me and listen to my enraged ranting for hours, he put in his two week notice the next day. I was blacked out so I don't know the gist of what I said to him but I could see in his eyes that he was absolutely terrified of me from that point on. Part of me likes to scare people and another part feels bad about itHave you ever met someone you absolutely cannot scare? Someone that gives you the sense that you are both on equal footing?
Was the person somewhat see through, or was it basically a truck driver?Nah, looked like a dude standing there, staring at me. Till I looked again and he was gone.
I sucked my own dick to prove a point in middle school. That one followed me for a long time.Ah, come on, don't leave us hanging. What was the point to be proven?
Late one night I was making some food in the kitchen. The dog whimpered and took off to the living room. As I spun around to see where the dog was going, there was an older fat guy in a flannel shirt and jeans standing in the doorway to the bedroom. I looked back and he was gone. The dog and I sat on the couch, scared.
I knew the previous owner had died in the house from a heart attack or something. I asked the neighbor the next day to describe the dude. Yup…that was him. Neighbor wasn’t surprised and said he has seen him too.
I sucked my own dick to prove a point in middle school. That one followed me for a long time.Did you finish yourself off or just do it to prove you could get there?
Did you finish yourself off or just do it to prove you could get there?Expand QuoteI sucked my own dick to prove a point in middle school. That one followed me for a long time.[close]
Also, if you finished, how would you rank yourself against your previous to now partners?
Ah, come on, don't leave us hanging. What was the point to be proven?Expand QuoteI sucked my own dick to prove a point in middle school. That one followed me for a long time.[close]
Did you finish yourself off or just do it to prove you could get there?
Also, if you finished, how would you rank yourself against your previous to now partners?
I sucked my own dick to prove a point in middle school. That one followed me for a long time.
So back in the 90's there were all sorts of salacious rumors about Marilyn Manson that swept across small towns across America. One of these was that he got surgery to remove ribs so he could suck his own dick.
I was at a shitty little party and this kid was INSISTENT that not only was this true, but that it was "physically impossible" to do it without having ribs removed. I was pretty flexible and had been in enough neighborhood wrestling matches with bigger kids growing up to know I could get my face within dick distance of my pelvis without that much effort. So I got sick of listening to this kid making shit up and bet him $100 (not an insignificant amount in those days) I could do it. Even though I was like 14 the hardest part was getting a boner with a bunch of dudes watching. Perhaps predictably, he never paid up and continued to be full of shit.
I think I shared this on my previous account here, but I'll share it again.glad you got a better head on your shoulders and won't assault an officer of the law again.
Back in November of 2016, a few days before Thanksgiving, my mom's at-the-time husband (not my father) came home drunk at 2AM when it was just he and I in the house for the weekend and proceeded to attack me while I was still asleep in my bed.
All I can remember is hearing "you motherfucker" before my bedroom door was kicked in then a flurry of punches strategically laid upon my cranium (under the hair so you couldn't see bruises; he was a former cop, go figure he'd know where to hit to hide evidence). After finally getting him off me and getting on my feet, I proceeded to beat the dog piss out of him all across the house. Broke his nose, cracked a few of his teeth, and nearly strangled him to death. Called my mom in the middle of it and just screamed "call for help, your husband is attacking me." Her best friend and her husband show up as I make my escape to my dad's house and they ask what happened. I just told them to go ask him and left.
A week later, my mom sits me down to talk about it. She blames me and says "well, you were the one who was drunk" when I had been asleep since 11 bc I had work at 4:45AM. We proceed to argue about that when I finally get her to realize that I was not in the slightest bit drunk. Then she poses the question "well, what are you going to do now?" Without thought, I told her I was going to move to Cleveland, OH with one of my best friends.
Made the move and came back home a year later with a better head on my shoulders.