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General Discussion => WHATEVER => Topic started by: Broken Dreams on March 11, 2009, 10:42:59 PM
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so i'm watching 2 girls 1 cup for like the 1000th time (shit's hilarious!) and I suddenly thought 'hmm what's the most perverted thing i've ever done?' and i realized what it was;
SO, I must have been around 9 or 10 when my grandma got this dog she called Bungie who, supposedly, was half dog/half wolf. This immediately sparked an interest with my brother and I, who had been into wild animals like tigers, lions, bears, and especially wolves. (lol this is fucked up talking about haha) Well anyways, one day while my grandma was babysitting us, I started getting really bored and my brother fell asleep on the couch so I couldn't make him play with me or anything and we had just had a huge argument over these Pokemon toys our mother had bought us the day before so it didn't really matter. Grandma was downstairs in the basement doing the laundry and Bungie the wolf dog was sitting beside me with his tongue out. (like your mom LOL jk haha) I started getting this really fucked idea that I wanted to do something to my brother while he was sleeping. I thought about drawing on him, but that was too boring and I didn't have a pen. So I called Bungie the wolf dog over with me and I carefully unzipped my brothers shorts and pulled out his penis. (fuck me) I was trying to drag Bungie over by his collar but he wouldn't come any closer, and I didn't want to wake my brother up or else my scheme would be ruined. At this point, one hand was clasped around my brothers 8 year old cock, and the other around Bungie the wolf dog's collar, and my arms are stretched about as far as they could go. Well in the middle of all this ruckus I hear my grandma scream behind me and I turn to see her with the most disgusted look on her face staring at me. I immediately let go of my brothers penis and ran out the door. I didn't return back for a good 3 hours or so and when I did my grandma told me NOT to tell another living person about this, especially my grandfather who is HATES homosexuals with all his mite. I didn't tell anybody about this until a couple of years ago when my dad made me go see a shrink.
well that's my fucked up, perverted story haha, now what's yours?
peace,
Elijah
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i kissed a girl and i liked it...
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one time i stuck my wee wee in a girls hoo hoo.
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i once jacked off to whoopi goldberg.
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Elijah,
I, as a man of the Lord am disturbed by this "perverted" story you have disclosed publicly on the world wide web. Perverted doesn't even come close to describing what you have done. Sadly, I can relate. I have gone down that dark path before in my day and might even again in the near future. That dark path is sexual immorality. Yes, your were young, but your touched your brother's penis and hopefully one day you will be forgiven. Homosexuality and incest are the devil's playthings. I too, have played with that devil, but believe me when I say I have changed.
-Respectfully, Ted
“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind.” Corinthians 6:9
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once in 4th grade I was making a school video project with some girl i was paired up with in class to do the video project together. anyways, we were in the forest close to the school and she asked me if i wanted to see her vagina. i said yes i did and she pulled down her shorts and there it was, the holy grail, the monument of 1000 whispers, the golden egg. her cunt looked like a squished elf ear and i was amazed. I stared for the longest time and asked if i could touch her. she hesitated but said 'ok'. so i started touching it and she began laughing and explaining how it tickled. well, there i was on my knees in the dirt, my hand cupping a 4th grade cunt and out of the corner of my eye i see something amazing. a snail. i quickly pick up the snail and put it on this girls cunt. she looks down to see what the gushy, slimy substance was, and when she saw the snail she screamed and tried to run away. unfortunately her shorts were still around her ankles so she tripped and sprained her wrist. she immediately began balling her eyes out and when we returned to class we had to explain why she was crying, and i'm a horrible liar.
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one time i was looking through my moms bedside table looking for a book of mine and i found a dildo and lube so i went into the bathroom and stuck it in my ass
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once in 4th grade I was making a school video project with some girl i was paired up with in class to do the video project together. anyways, we were in the forest close to the school and she asked me if i wanted to see her vagina. i said yes i did and she pulled down her shorts and there it was, the holy grail, the monument of 1000 whispers, the golden egg. her cunt looked like a squished elf ear and i was amazed. I stared for the longest time and asked if i could touch her. she hesitated but said 'ok'. so i started touching it and she began laughing and explaining how it tickled. well, there i was on my knees in the dirt, my hand cupping a 4th grade cunt and out of the corner of my eye i see something amazing. a snail. i quickly pick up the snail and put it on this girls cunt. she looks down to see what the gushy, slimy substance was, and when she saw the snail she screamed and tried to run away. unfortunately her shorts were still around her ankles so she tripped and sprained her wrist. she immediately began balling her eyes out and when we returned to class we had to explain why she was crying, and i'm a horrible liar.
you sir, have lived a moment in life that i only could dream of.
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one time i was looking through my moms bedside table looking for a book of mine and i found a dildo and lube so i went into the bathroom and stuck it in my ass
hahaha i hope that is true because if it is your fucked
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once in 4th grade I was making a school video project with some girl i was paired up with in class to do the video project together. anyways, we were in the forest close to the school and she asked me if i wanted to see her vagina. i said yes i did and she pulled down her shorts and there it was, the holy grail, the monument of 1000 whispers, the golden egg. her cunt looked like a squished elf ear and i was amazed. I stared for the longest time and asked if i could touch her. she hesitated but said 'ok'. so i started touching it and she began laughing and explaining how it tickled. well, there i was on my knees in the dirt, my hand cupping a 4th grade cunt and out of the corner of my eye i see something amazing. a snail. i quickly pick up the snail and put it on this girls cunt. she looks down to see what the gushy, slimy substance was, and when she saw the snail she screamed and tried to run away. unfortunately her shorts were still around her ankles so she tripped and sprained her wrist. she immediately began balling her eyes out and when we returned to class we had to explain why she was crying, and i'm a horrible liar.
as great as your story is, im going to have to cry for Chris Hansen....
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My old man caught me jerking it to scrambled porn. Not too perverted, I guess this could be filed under your most emberassing sexual experience... Worst part was I was in college at the time, not some middle school shit.
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UN TIEMPO YO ESTAVA MIRANDO LA TELEVISION Y MI PRIMITO QUERIA USAR LA TELE Y YO LE DIJE QUE EL TIENE QUE PONER MI PENE EN SU BOCA PRIMERO Y LO ISO! SENTI GAY PARA UN MINUTO PERO FUE GRACIOSO!
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one time i stuck my wee wee in a girls hoo hoo.
hahahaha
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put peanut butter in my cats food dish
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one time around gradeschool, I found one of those little porn video brochure things on the street, the ones that're like 200 pages with like thumbnail sized pictures of titties and whatnot and a phone number to order the videos, and I took the little booklet, hid it under my coat and walked home, and then when I got home, I walked down into the gultch behind my house and jacked off to it in the woods. I wiped my spunk on a log or some shit, and hid the mag in a hallowed out tree stump and ended up jacking off to it every day for like a week straight, until one day it mysteriously vanished
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i dont think i have ever jacked off outside, actually i dont even think i have ever even taken a shit outside.
man, you're blowin it (surprise?). It's the best.
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DOUBLE TEAMED MY WIFE WITH MY BROTHER
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in my after-high-school-before-real-life days, pretty much had an orgy at my friends apartment. we were all sitting around one night getting wasted. it was like 3 couples and then some random girls. once my buddy who owned the apartment started realizing an orgy was about to break loose he locked the doors and turned out the lights and left a black light on. there was this one girl i was really into at the time and she and my GF did things to each other and me that i've only read about. shit was real. my dick is hard just typing this and thinking about it.
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(.)| |(.)
o o
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I'm actually gonna get serious with this one, one time I was fucking this chick I didn't shave and had stuble on my face, I was fucking her and my face was rubbing on her, and the next morning she woke up with a rash on her face. It was fucking funny, she was pissed. haha, not the most perverted but whatever.
This is without doubt the funniest thing I have ever read.
You gave her stubble rash? FUCKING GNARLY.
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Elijah,
I, as a man of the Lord am disturbed by this "perverted" story you have disclosed publicly on the world wide web. Perverted doesn't even come close to describing what you have done. Sadly, I can relate. I have gone down that dark path before in my day and might even again in the near future. That dark path is sexual immorality. Yes, your were young, but your touched your brother's penis and hopefully one day you will be forgiven. Homosexuality and incest are the devil's playthings. I too, have played with that devil, but believe me when I say I have changed.
-Respectfully, Ted
“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind.” Corinthians 6:9
i like where this is going.
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her cunt looked like a squished elf ear and i was amazed.
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i dont think i have ever jacked off outside, actually i dont even think i have ever even taken a shit outside.
man, you're blowin it (surprise?). It's the best.
is it more enjoyable in cold or warm weather?
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Nothing I do is preverted, it's all perfectly normal.
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(http://i605.photobucket.com/albums/tt139/BigRoshambo/vlcsnap-74768.png)
did you ever find bugs bunny attractive in a dress playing a girl bunny?
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probably jerking off at work
i really havent lived
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probably jerking off at work
i really havent lived
done that a few times.
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So I called Bungie the wolf dog over with me and I carefully unzipped my brothers shorts and pulled out his penis.
i quickly pick up the snail and put it on this girls cunt.
wow, i'm not even going to try to post anything...
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ATM
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Jacking off in the school bathrooms. You know when your exchanging looks with the chick across the room, you might of given her a look or she might have gaven you a look but your both feeling echother. You start getting an image in your mind of you fucking her and that's when i ask the teacher for a bathroom pass
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i put an ice cube in my ex gf's ass. also, like the first week we were dating, we got hammered, i took her into her room and pulled her pants off and sat her down on the edge of her bed. i was eatin her pussy with a beer in my hand and i dont know how i thought of it, but i started rubbin the neck of the beer on her clit and stickin the beer tip in her pussy and would continue drinkin it. did that til the beer was gone. not really perverted, but fuckin sweet, nonetheless.
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UN TIEMPO YO ESTAVA MIRANDO LA TELEVISION Y MI PRIMITO QUERIA USAR LA TELE Y YO LE DIJE QUE EL TIENE QUE PONER MI PENE EN SU BOCA PRIMERO Y LO ISO! SENTI GAY PARA UN MINUTO PERO FUE GRACIOSO!
courtesy of freetranslation.com
A TIME I ESTAVA LOOKING AT THE TELEVISION AND MY PRIMITO QUERIA TO USE THE TELEVISION AND I TOLD HIM THAT THE HAS TO PUT MY PENIS IN ITS FIRST MOUTH AND IT ISO! SENTI GAY FOR A MINUTE BUT WAS FUNNY!
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My penis would tingle everytime I hit Rihanna.
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i put an ice cube in my ex gf's ass. also, like the first week we were dating, we got hammered, i took her into her room and pulled her pants off and sat her down on the edge of her bed. i was eatin her pussy with a beer in my hand and i dont know how i thought of it, but i started rubbin the neck of the beer on her clit and stickin the beer tip in her pussy and would continue drinkin it. did that til the beer was gone. not really perverted, but fuckin sweet, nonetheless.
Ok, you've made it to daily gnar's.
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i put an ice cube in my ex gf's ass. also, like the first week we were dating, we got hammered, i took her into her room and pulled her pants off and sat her down on the edge of her bed. i was eatin her pussy with a beer in my hand and i dont know how i thought of it, but i started rubbin the neck of the beer on her clit and stickin the beer tip in her pussy and would continue drinkin it. did that til the beer was gone. not really perverted, but fuckin sweet, nonetheless.
word up. you gotta share something so i can laugh my ass off.
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the two that i can think of make me want to post under a fake account due to pure awkwardness. give me a few hours to get drunk and im sure they'll have both been posted.
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i was drunk and tried to put the skin of my penis in an ATM machine.
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one time me a friend an old girlfriend and her friend were in my room and wasted and my friend fell asleep and my old girlfriend and her friend gave me a double bj then i put my balls on my friends chest and he woke up sticky. i was drunk and really ashamed in the morning.
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Is licking a girls asshole perverted?
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jacked off at work this afternoon.
umm, let's see here...I have many stories. one that comes to mind: I was dating this girl. We had just gotten out of a movie and we were in her car. she was all "so I kind of want you right now." so we boinked in the backseat, no wrapper, blood and guts style (she was on her period.) andywho, she drops me off at home and it's hella early (10:45) so I decide to go hit up some parties. so I hit up this party house, meet a fat girl who digs my presence, and she ends up sucking my period-blood covered dick in a closet on top of the kitty litter tray.
awesome. i guee that's not perverted...hmmm. I'll get back to you fools.
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had sex with an amazon in roller skates
had an ex girlfriend do atm a few times, as well as c-pie her ass
a few others... but they bring about shame instead of hi fives, fuckin' guilt complex.
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If it's not illegal or you can see it online right now, then to me it's not perverted.
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jacked off at work this afternoon.
umm, let's see here...I have many stories. one that comes to mind: I was dating this girl. We had just gotten out of a movie and we were in her car. she was all "so I kind of want you right now." so we boinked in the backseat, no wrapper, blood and guts style (she was on her period.) andywho, she drops me off at home and it's hella early (10:45) so I decide to go hit up some parties. so I hit up this party house, meet a fat girl who digs my presence, and she ends up sucking my period-blood covered dick in a closet on top of the kitty litter tray.
awesome. i guee that's not perverted...hmmm. I'll get back to you fools.
holy. shit.
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i put an ice cube in my ex gf's ass. also, like the first week we were dating, we got hammered, i took her into her room and pulled her pants off and sat her down on the edge of her bed. i was eatin her pussy with a beer in my hand and i dont know how i thought of it, but i started rubbin the neck of the beer on her clit and stickin the beer tip in her pussy and would continue drinkin it. did that til the beer was gone. not really perverted, but fuckin sweet, nonetheless.
this starvingrobot guy is killing it
i'm drawing a blank on the perverted things i've done. only a few things are coming to mind. one time i went up to vermont to do a demo with grimcity and a few others. we had to share the same bathroom in the place we were staying in and it had one of those removable shower heads. grim went in and took his shower, then i went in and jacked off on top of the shower head
it's not really perverted, but one time we were kind of having a contest to see who could hook up with this girl just for the hell of it. one kid fails and the next thing i know i'm making out with her while she's fingering herself. i ended up throwing up all over the side of her face
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i fingered a fat girl in some bushes and made my roommate smell my fingers
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okay, that same ex girl in this story as well. whenever we'd get a buzz goin in her apartment, she'd always pee with the bathroom door open. and i'd be walkin' by to grab a beer out of the fridge or something and she'd insist on me coming in. like "hey come here, i wanna ask you something." but it was never anything important. it's like she wanted me to be present to her pissin on the toilet and would kind of do it sexually. anyway, that excelled pretty quick, cause i was into it. it got to the point to where i would i put my hand under her while she took a piss. it was kind of an erotic rush. so i did that like every time she took a drunk piss and we'd fuck afterward. it got to the point to where when we were about to get in the shower together, i'd sit down on the toilet (naked) and she'd sit on top of me facing me, legs wrapped around and would just let it go. kinda fucked, but i was never really dirty about it, always washed my hands afterward or showered.
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okay, that same ex girl in this story as well. whenever we'd get a buzz goin in her apartment, she'd always pee with the bathroom door open. and i'd be walkin' by to grab a beer out of the fridge or something and she'd insist on me coming in. like "hey come here, i wanna ask you something." but it was never anything important. it's like she wanted me to be present to her pissin on the toilet and would kind of do it sexually. anyway, that excelled pretty quick, cause i was into it. it got to the point to where i would i put my hand under her while she took a piss. it was kind of an erotic rush. so i did that like every time she took a drunk piss and we'd fuck afterward. it got to the point to where when we were about to get in the shower together, i'd sit down on the toilet (naked) and she'd sit on top of me facing me, legs wrapped around and would just let it go. kinda fucked, but i was never really dirty about it, always washed my hands afterward or showered.
damn dude you'd all just throw your hand up in the spicket of piss....oh man WTF
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Nothing too bad, knowingly finishing when my gf got her period during a session
I cant compete with putting my hand in a girls piss stream or sucking from a beer bottle after its been in a girls ya-ya sisterhood
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okay, that same ex girl in this story as well. whenever we'd get a buzz goin in her apartment, she'd always pee with the bathroom door open. and i'd be walkin' by to grab a beer out of the fridge or something and she'd insist on me coming in. like "hey come here, i wanna ask you something." but it was never anything important. it's like she wanted me to be present to her pissin on the toilet and would kind of do it sexually. anyway, that excelled pretty quick, cause i was into it. it got to the point to where i would i put my hand under her while she took a piss. it was kind of an erotic rush. so i did that like every time she took a drunk piss and we'd fuck afterward. it got to the point to where when we were about to get in the shower together, i'd sit down on the toilet (naked) and she'd sit on top of me facing me, legs wrapped around and would just let it go. kinda fucked, but i was never really dirty about it, always washed my hands afterward or showered.
Sorry, you can't repeat a karma action without waiting 24 hours.
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im drunk here we go: once i tried the fucking a couch cushion thing. it didnt really work. edit: let me explain. i laid on my stomach on the couch and put my dick between the cushions thinking it might feel good to fuck. it was pointless.
another one:
my friend wanted to fuck my step sister and she was down. we were like 16. she had to sneak in my room late at night so our parents wouldnt hear. i sat in the closet and jacked off while i watched him lose his virginity to her....weird.
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haha FUCK dude!
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last night at work this girl started telling me about how she's going out friday and will wear heels and a skirt, so on and so forth. i made a face of shock. She later texted me asking what the face was about and i replied that i'd like to see her in heels and a skirt, not to mention the glasses that she's been wearing. She says something like "oh stop, i'm engaged....blah blah blah" About 20 mins later she texts me again asking if i think she's hot. I say yes. This cat and mouse game of texting continues from 10-1130. She told me how i was making her wet and what not. It was kinda fun. Then, around 1am when i'm in bed at home she texts me and tells me that she's just gotten out of the shower and is "relieving herself." She then texted me and said "im thinking about crawling under your covers from the bottom up, between your legs and teasing your thighs with my lips....." this continued, here are some high lights "i would taste and tug on the tip of your cock with my tounge and just when i thought you were going to beg me, i'd swallow you whole. I'd moan so you could feel the hot vibrations of my mouth on your cock and when i thought we were both wet enough i'd climb on top of your body and rub my clit all over the tip of your cock." "u grab my hips hard and slam your cock into me... my head flys back and i scream. u rock into me using my hips for leverage." "just as i'm about to go crazy u reach down and tease my clit while still fucking me. i start to moan and cry and a hot flood of cum rewards your cocks efforts." "i want to fuck so bad i'm slapping my clit" "we can't act on this because my fiance is sleeping on the couch..."
So, this was really better than porn. yep.
I've done crazier shit, this was just what came to mind first as it happened last night.
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im drunk here we go: once i tried the fucking a couch cushion thing. it didnt really work. edit: let me explain. i laid on my stomach on the couch and put my dick between the cushions thinking it might feel good to fuck. it was pointless.
another one:
my friend wanted to fuck my step sister and she was down. we were like 16. she had to sneak in my room late at night so our parents wouldnt hear. i sat in the closet and jacked off while i watched him lose his virginity to her....weird.
haha wow, this takes the cake so far
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Some of these are just straight up epic. haha
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jesus you guys are freaks
the best i could think of are the times i jerked off to the enema of the state cd cover and the i spit on your grave movie box
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nothing as epic as some of the others but i used to finger my ex gf on the couch with her parents eating dinner behind us.
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last night at work this girl started telling me about how she's going out friday and will wear heels and a skirt, so on and so forth. i made a face of shock. She later texted me asking what the face was about and i replied that i'd like to see her in heels and a skirt, not to mention the glasses that she's been wearing. She says something like "oh stop, i'm engaged....blah blah blah" About 20 mins later she texts me again asking if i think she's hot. I say yes. This cat and mouse game of texting continues from 10-1130. She told me how i was making her wet and what not. It was kinda fun. Then, around 1am when i'm in bed at home she texts me and tells me that she's just gotten out of the shower and is "relieving herself." She then texted me and said "im thinking about crawling under your covers from the bottom up, between your legs and teasing your thighs with my lips....." this continued, here are some high lights "i would taste and tug on the tip of your cock with my tounge and just when i thought you were going to beg me, i'd swallow you whole. I'd moan so you could feel the hot vibrations of my mouth on your cock and when i thought we were both wet enough i'd climb on top of your body and rub my clit all over the tip of your cock." "u grab my hips hard and slam your cock into me... my head flys back and i scream. u rock into me using my hips for leverage." "just as i'm about to go crazy u reach down and tease my clit while still fucking me. i start to moan and cry and a hot flood of cum rewards your cocks efforts." "i want to fuck so bad i'm slapping my clit" "we can't act on this because my fiance is sleeping on the couch..."
So, this was really better than porn. yep.
I've done crazier shit, this was just what came to mind first as it happened last night.
it looks as if the sanch has made his return!!!
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last night at work this girl started telling me about how she's going out friday and will wear heels and a skirt, so on and so forth. i made a face of shock. She later texted me asking what the face was about and i replied that i'd like to see her in heels and a skirt, not to mention the glasses that she's been wearing. She says something like "oh stop, i'm engaged....blah blah blah" About 20 mins later she texts me again asking if i think she's hot. I say yes. This cat and mouse game of texting continues from 10-1130. She told me how i was making her wet and what not. It was kinda fun. Then, around 1am when i'm in bed at home she texts me and tells me that she's just gotten out of the shower and is "relieving herself." She then texted me and said "im thinking about crawling under your covers from the bottom up, between your legs and teasing your thighs with my lips....." this continued, here are some high lights "i would taste and tug on the tip of your cock with my tounge and just when i thought you were going to beg me, i'd swallow you whole. I'd moan so you could feel the hot vibrations of my mouth on your cock and when i thought we were both wet enough i'd climb on top of your body and rub my clit all over the tip of your cock." "u grab my hips hard and slam your cock into me... my head flys back and i scream. u rock into me using my hips for leverage." "just as i'm about to go crazy u reach down and tease my clit while still fucking me. i start to moan and cry and a hot flood of cum rewards your cocks efforts." "i want to fuck so bad i'm slapping my clit" "we can't act on this because my fiance is sleeping on the couch..."
So, this was really better than porn. yep.
I've done crazier shit, this was just what came to mind first as it happened last night.
nah, it's not sanch, it's the Old Dirty Pervert, hence ODP. I was here at under another user name for quite some time, but none the less I'm not Sanch.
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nothing as epic as some of the others but i used to finger my ex gf on the couch with her parents eating dinner behind us.
shit i did when i was a kid doesn't even count!!! from 12-14 it's like a life saving hunt to jerk off anywhere possible.
I'd fucked my ex on the couch while my rents were wrapping xmas gifts in the kitchen. I fingered her while her dad was driving me home. Fuck, i fucked her in her grandmothers bed. Had her sit on a vibrating PS1 controller and a Sublime liquor bottle.
This was before the age of 16. I thought that it was appropriate to actually try the moves such as the angry dragon and rusty trombone.
I really felt that it was ok at the time.....
I've not had a relationship of this magnitude since, i'm soon to be 24....
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sanch, the most perverted thing i did was i came on her face, and it got in her eye. that was like two years ago, i was 4 then. is that gnarly enough 4 u?
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i put an ice cube in my ex gf's ass. also, like the first week we were dating, we got hammered, i took her into her room and pulled her pants off and sat her down on the edge of her bed. i was eatin her pussy with a beer in my hand and i dont know how i thought of it, but i started rubbin the neck of the beer on her clit and stickin the beer tip in her pussy and would continue drinkin it. did that til the beer was gone. not really perverted, but fuckin sweet, nonetheless.
both of these things must be common
considering i've done that as well.. :o
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jerking on an airplane
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jerking on an airplane
You're not the only one buddy.
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i like to rub one out on the clock. the concept of getting paid for the conquering your blood-fueled puss legislature appeals to me.
i would like to pour doctor pepper into a vagina and sip it out, drool it out in american fashion.
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fuuuuck i posted in this thread last night. whoops.
heres a not too crazy one....jacking off on a long car ride alone. im talking a 4-6 hour trip. creeeepy.
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uhh, i once fucked a girl to the point of her covering my white gitch in blood. im pretty sure she wasn't on her period. also, i fucked the same girl in a kids playground like rowdy porno scene style. that was kinda perverted. ate out a girls ass while she ate out another girl while another girl took pictures. the shitty thing though, is that i have no idea what became of those pictures.
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im drunk here we go: once i tried the fucking a couch cushion thing. it didnt really work. edit: let me explain. i laid on my stomach on the couch and put my dick between the cushions thinking it might feel good to fuck. it was pointless.
another one:
my friend wanted to fuck my step sister and she was down. we were like 16. she had to sneak in my room late at night so our parents wouldnt hear. i sat in the closet and jacked off while i watched him lose his virginity to her....weird.
haha wow, this takes the cake so far
seriously
one time I successfully fucked a couch, except i got on my knees on the floor and hit the space between the actual couch and the cushions, so it was like I was hitting it doggy. I wanna say I was 11 but it was probably just a couple months ago
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im drunk here we go: once i tried the fucking a couch cushion thing. it didnt really work. edit: let me explain. i laid on my stomach on the couch and put my dick between the cushions thinking it might feel good to fuck. it was pointless.
another one:
my friend wanted to fuck my step sister and she was down. we were like 16. she had to sneak in my room late at night so our parents wouldnt hear. i sat in the closet and jacked off while i watched him lose his virginity to her....weird.
haha wow, this takes the cake so far
seriously
one time I successfully fucked a couch, except i got on my knees on the floor and hit the space between the actual couch and the cushions, so it was like I was hitting it doggy. I wanna say I was 11 but it was probably just a couple months ago
...
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not really perverted just gross.... brought home a chick the other night blackout drunk, went to take a piss the next morning and i was covered head to toe in blood, i thought i murdered her dog but it turns out she was just on her period
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i thought i murdered her dog
i hate it when that happens
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I'd fucked my ex on the couch while my rents were wrapping xmas gifts in the kitchen. I fingered her while her dad was driving me home. Fuck, i fucked her in her grandmothers bed. Had her sit on a vibrating PS1 controller and a Sublime liquor bottle.
This was before the age of 16. I thought that it was appropriate to actually try the moves such as the angry dragon and rusty trombone.
I really felt that it was ok at the time.....
Sweet..think that is all part of being young.. Banging after school everyday, numerous times, getting bored, wanting to explore and seeing what you can get away with. Used to do all kinds of gnarly shit to my highschool gf. Stick all kinds of shit inside her, remote control, big toe, novetly mini baseball bat etc. Finger her in hallway at school before class, smelling finger all threw next period, Getting hyped for after school smash sesh. Bang in the woods with snow still on the ground. Dated most of highschool, but senior year broke up for alittle while and smashed all her best friends, got back toghether month later.. After we finally broke up i used to get her bestfriend and her in 3ways, while she had a boyfriend. Damn i was a scumbag
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man, this thread really brings back some memories..
when i was about 17 i was with a bunch of friends at some girls house who's parents were out of town. it was just me and a few buddies and then probably 8 chicks. the girl had a hot tub in the backyard so naturally we all tried to go in there. i wasnt wearing boxers so i went in butt naked. after about 10 minutes of not being able to turn it on (i think i mightve broken it earlier, but i kind of forget how) everybody was over it so i was left in the tub naked alone, so i got out, put on a towel just walked around the house like that for the rest of the time. when it came time to leave though, i was saying bye to everyone and found this girl in the backroom passing out. i said bye to her and she reached up her hand to shake mine i guess, so i opened the towel and stuck my dong in her hand instead. she started shaking it for maybe 5 to 8 seconds before opening up her eyes, and looking at me in absolute horror. i just kind of giggled and ran out of the house. thats by no means the most perverted thing ive ever done, but it does make me laugh still.
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man, this thread really brings back some memories..
when i was about 17 i was with a bunch of friends at some girls house who's parents were out of town. it was just me and a few buddies and then probably 8 chicks. the girl had a hot tub in the backyard so naturally we all tried to go in there. i wasnt wearing boxers so i went in butt naked. after about 10 minutes of not being able to turn it on (i think i mightve broken it earlier, but i kind of forget how) everybody was over it so i was left in the tub naked alone, so i got out, put on a towel just walked around the house like that for the rest of the time. when it came time to leave though, i was saying bye to everyone and found this girl in the backroom passing out. i said bye to her and she reached up her hand to shake mine i guess, so i opened the towel and stuck my dong in her hand instead. she started shaking it for maybe 5 to 8 seconds before opening up her eyes, and looking at me in absolute horror. i just kind of giggled and ran out of the house. thats by no means the most perverted thing ive ever done, but it does make me laugh still.
hahahah, that was sick!
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not really perverted just gross.... brought home a chick the other night blackout drunk, went to take a piss the next morning and i was covered head to toe in blood, i thought i murdered her dog but it turns out she was just on her period
bobbydoof!!!!!!!!
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not really a perv story, but its kinda funny now that i think about it. I dated this girl back when i was in high school, and typical story...we broke up after i graduated nad had to get a job and shit. But we would still hang out on occasions, and i'd still run up in there. So we're at her house watching the colbert report or something and we start making out, hands go hup her sirt blah blah blah. i try to take her pants off, and she's all "period!! yadda yadda yadda" i told her i didnt care so we had some really awesome sex. Few days later i'm over at her house again chillin with her and her boyfriend, he sees all those blood satins on her sheets and asked what happened she says "oh austin came over and we had sex" my heart sank and i thought "busted" but dude just sat there and laughed and said "oh yeah, yhats right"
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not really a perv story, but its kinda funny now that i think about it. I dated this girl back when i was in high school, and typical story...we broke up after i graduated nad had to get a job and shit. But we would still hang out on occasions, and i'd still run up in there. So we're at her house watching the colbert report or something and we start making out, hands go hup her sirt blah blah blah. i try to take her pants off, and she's all "period!! yadda yadda yadda" i told her i didnt care so we had some really awesome sex. Few days later i'm over at her house again chillin with her and her boyfriend, he sees all those blood satins on her sheets and asked what happened she says "oh austin came over and we had sex" my heart sank and i thought "busted" but dude just sat there and laughed and said "oh yeah, yhats right"
He was in the closet masturbating.
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not really a perv story, but its kinda funny now that i think about it. I dated this girl back when i was in high school, and typical story...we broke up after i graduated nad had to get a job and shit. But we would still hang out on occasions, and i'd still run up in there. So we're at her house watching the colbert report or something and we start making out, hands go hup her sirt blah blah blah. i try to take her pants off, and she's all "period!! yadda yadda yadda" i told her i didnt care so we had some really awesome sex. Few days later i'm over at her house again chillin with her and her boyfriend, he sees all those blood satins on her sheets and asked what happened she says "oh austin came over and we had sex" my heart sank and i thought "busted" but dude just sat there and laughed and said "oh yeah, yhats right"
This story should have ended with a tag team.
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seriously
one time I successfully fucked a couch, except i got on my knees on the floor and hit the space between the actual couch and the cushions, so it was like I was hitting it doggy. I wanna say I was 11 but it was probably just a couple months ago
do I have permission to sig?
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not really a perv story, but its kinda funny now that i think about it. I dated this girl back when i was in high school, and typical story...we broke up after i graduated nad had to get a job and shit. But we would still hang out on occasions, and i'd still run up in there. So we're at her house watching the colbert report or something and we start making out, hands go hup her sirt blah blah blah. i try to take her pants off, and she's all "period!! yadda yadda yadda" i told her i didnt care so we had some really awesome sex. Few days later i'm over at her house again chillin with her and her boyfriend, he sees all those blood satins on her sheets and asked what happened she says "oh austin came over and we had sex" my heart sank and i thought "busted" but dude just sat there and laughed and said "oh yeah, yhats right"
HAHAHA!
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not really a perv story, but its kinda funny now that i think about it. I dated this girl back when i was in high school, and typical story...we broke up after i graduated nad had to get a job and shit. But we would still hang out on occasions, and i'd still run up in there. So we're at her house watching the colbert report or something and we start making out, hands go hup her sirt blah blah blah. i try to take her pants off, and she's all "period!! yadda yadda yadda" i told her i didnt care so we had some really awesome sex. Few days later i'm over at her house again chillin with her and her boyfriend, he sees all those blood satins on her sheets and asked what happened she says "oh austin came over and we had sex" my heart sank and i thought "busted" but dude just sat there and laughed and said "oh yeah, yhats right"
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On a long trip back from a family vacation, I once laid down in the back of the van and jacked off thinking about all of the hot girls I saw on the trip. When I first thought of this memory, it seemed not so bad. Then I remembered that we were still pretty far away from home and I had nothing to clean up with.
Masturbated in a lot of hotels.
Had sex with my girlfriend on the dining room table which was eaten at only hours later.
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seriously
one time I successfully fucked a couch, except i got on my knees on the floor and hit the space between the actual couch and the cushions, so it was like I was hitting it doggy. I wanna say I was 11 but it was probably just a couple months ago
yo chris, tell everyone that story about back in austria how you had a sex dungeon and kept your daughter in there...then raped her a bunch and she had your kids and eventually someone narked on your rape stash and now you're in jail and they roam the streets all fucked up like some weird urban legend except it was all in the news. you know, that one.
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another really fucked up is how i lost my virginity. its not really perverted but its god damn gross. there was this girl that is still the biggest slut i've ever met. she was the girl people would call over to give everybody at the house blowjobs. i mean everybody. shed go in a room, wait for someone to go in then just start doing her thing. anyways, the first time i was ever "introduced" to her, i was 15 and shed already blown about 15 people that night. i go in there, super nervous because i had only gotton half a blowjob before and very little action besides that, and she made me feel right at home. i started getting some headdie murphy from her and had the bright idea that i should bone my first woman right now. so i did it. no condom. raw dogged for about 5 minutes, couldnt come, felt really ashamed, pulled up my pants and left. thankfully i got no disease from her, but since then because of my good luck, i have played russian roulette with my penis and sluts nearly everytime. i figure, if i could get away with that one i can get away with anything. that fat slut still haunts my dreams.
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^^ its all fun & games until the bitch comes knocking at your door with a lump in her belly.
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so last night, i went out to a few bars, got really fucked up and went to my ex's house around midnight. We just chilled out for a few hours until like two, then we started messing around. The lights were out, i was getting a lesson on licking a clit the right way, which is cool. So i'm eating this pussy for the ill minute, finger fucking her at the same time. I stopped licking her clit and just finger blasted her for a good 30-45 mins, hard. So she builds up and has a crazy orgasm and starts jerking me off. I said "babe, seriously, this is not happening no hand jobs, just suck my cock." She did, and i face fucked her pretty good, thrusting and grabbing her hair and what not. She's liking it and gets hornier than she was earlier, so we start fucking without a rubber, shit was nice. Then she's like "oh i hate condoms but we need one" I'm like "baby, just a minute more without one." she's like "ok" and starts riding me like it's the fuckin 4th of july or some shit. Then she's starts screaming and hops off to get a rubber. She turns the lights on and says "oh my god! there's blood all over the place!!!" I look at her she's got blood in her hair and it's all over my hands and dick. She apparently got her period. So i say, "well, at least we don't need a rubber anymore!" and proceeded to fuck until 5am.
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My odd Reagan obsession is kind of old. I have a reagan mask, and one time in college I fucked a black girl in the ass while wearing it because I loved the symbolism of it all.
Team boring represent! Telling my most perverted sex story and its all about political symbolism!
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My odd Reagan obsession is kind of old. I have a reagan mask, and one time in college I fucked a black girl in the ass while wearing it because I loved the symbolism of it all.
Team boring represent! Telling my most perverted sex story and its all about political symbolism!
This is the best post in this thread.
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damn ... have lots! here's one:
when i was like 11 or 12 i went to my grandma's place nearly every single day.
this one day i would just go up to the attic, i dont know why i did it but never mind ...
so i found out that my grandmas neighbour milf, hung her washed clothes up there to dry it out.
so whenever i went there and saw her underwear i took it off and jerked right into the crotch of her panties... then i hung it up again!
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you need to be put on some kind of registry
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Oh, shiiiit. all of this perv talk brought up an unpleasant memory, but an interesting one nonetheless. so much ganja over the years that my memory is fuuucked. now that this memory is back in my mind, i can remember every little detail. shits fucked. brains are the weirdest things.
I was drunk at this party a few years back. homies were downing ounces of premium dank in fuckin minutes, beer was seen as water, and we were all egyptians lost in a desert of hot bitches and guys trying to get cover. shit was dope, and i was huntin for some pussy wussy. i walked around smoking a joint in one hand and holding beer in the other, and found my pray. latina young innocent pretty lil sissy girl. right as i go up to her this random dude joins in and is super up beat and friendly. i am rather shy compared to out-going fucks like that. as soon as the conversation started, i knew i wasn't going to get to harass the latina and i was pretty fucking blazed and hammered, so i just gave up on the hunt and decided to put my head to rest. i went into this random room upstairs and there was a walk in closet that had lots of clothing spread out on the ground. i was a pig, and i had found hay. i went in and bundled up, and thought about that hot ass, that sweet voice, that innocent smile. then i hear someone come in. "nobody here" whispers a guy. then i hear another person come in. i hear both of them taking their cloths off, and i hadn't fully closed the closet doors, but i could clearly see the bed. i felt like a camera man in one of those voyeur porn videos. i was ready for some action. the first thing i see is a bare man ass. like in the movies. but then, i see who the bitch is. its the fuckin latina! i was completely stoked, completely heartbroken, and my little mother fucker was already starting to rise. her wussy was clean shaved, and it was basically shining. now thats what you calla bald pussy! i couldnt help myself from joining in on the pleasure. i started rubbing and giving myself honest pleasure, and i knew id regret it in the morning. it only took me a rough 20 seconds to get close to climax. i hadent given myself pleasure for a couple of days, and when im drunk and high, it feels the best. sadly, it felt TOO good, and right when the cum spurted out i accidently farted. if the same thing happened in outer space, i dont know which way id float. anyway, i guess that just wasnt my night because the guy managed to hear it. it wasnt that loud, but it did definitely disturb the silence. the guy put on his pants came walking towards where he heard the fart sound. i quickly pretended to sleep. the guy found me and said "hey". i didnt do anything. then he pushed me, and i pretended to be confused and tired. he bought it. i got up and left, very embarrassed but trying not to show any emotion. i couldnt find a ride home so i ended up paying 20 bucks for a taxi ride home. 20 bucks was worth escaping the scene of the accident.
what bothers me the most about it is that when i came out of the closet, the girl looked confused. the guy said "dude was sleeping, and he farted. didnt you hear it girl?" . it was so fucking humiliating.
never saw the bitch again though, or the guy. so many things happen, that even shit like this can get stuck in the back of my brain. thanks a lot for bringing it back to the front SLAP, haha.
peace.
elijah
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so many awesome and gnarly stories.
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My odd Reagan obsession is kind of old. I have a reagan mask, and one time in college I fucked a black girl in the ass while wearing it because I loved the symbolism of it all.
Team boring represent! Telling my most perverted sex story and its all about political symbolism!
Politics, politics, politics.
You can't trust anyone in the government
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i like to rub one out on the clock. the concept of getting paid for the conquering your blood-fueled puss legislature appeals to me.
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I used to put my dick between 2 pillows and pretend I was putting someone in the mammary position.
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I used to put my dick between 2 pillows and pretend I was putting someone in the mammary position.
when was that, yesterday?
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My odd Reagan obsession is kind of old. I have a reagan mask, and one time in college I fucked a black girl in the ass while wearing it because I loved the symbolism of it all.
Team boring represent! Telling my most perverted sex story and its all about political symbolism!
whoa dude.
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I think everyone is kinda missing the point here. with a few exceptions, the majority of these stories are just humorous sex encounters. perverted = masturbating to pictures of aborted fetuses, or puting peanut butter on your johnson and calling old lassie over, or intentionally showering with the window open so your neighbors can watch, or playing with your poop, or plotting murder, etc.
tasted my cum once. it was wierd. hmmmm...I don't know if tasting ones own cum is perverted or simply an act of curiosity. I suck at this.
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haha this thread is fuckin funny. heres my story
like two years me and my buddies threw this HUGE party there were like mass amounts of people there,a few kegs, a dj in the basemetn, it was crazy, you could barely walk thru the house it was so crowded. i was so fucking blasted i cant even believe i remembr this. so it was like 4am and the party was winding down,mostly everyone was gone but me and these two chicks were still partying, talking, doing shots,and we blew a few lines of coke. i was trying to kick it to them you know see what could pop off between us like a 3-way or something. so i got them to come up to my room,there were a few people who crashed in there but i was like fuck it this is a once in a lifetime thing. so i started making out with one of them while the other was giving me a hand job,. then it started getting real freaky i was slapping them in the boobs with my dick and railing both of them at liek the same time. one of the girls left to go to the bathroom but it was ok cuz i was still rockin on with the other one. i was pounding her ass from behind and i pulled out so i could go downlow and lick the pussy. so i start eating her out really going to town and shit, fingering her,i even tried the shocker haha. so this is where it gets kind of nasty,i didnt realize it but i was eating out her asshole and it started to taste kind of funny, and out of nowhere i just fuckin barfed like all over this chicks ass and pussy. i was like oh shit! but i was still full of agony ready to bust that nut and im not sure why i did this but i stuck my dick between her puke filled ass cheeks and just started humping that shit as hard as i could. she pushed me off her with the quickness and she was PISSED but i was just laughing cuz that shit was funny as hell to me.
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Jacking off in the school bathrooms. You know when your exchanging looks with the chick across the room, you might of given her a look or she might have gaven you a look but your both feeling echother. You start getting an image in your mind of you fucking her and that's when i ask the teacher for a bathroom pass
haha, done that.
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haha this thread is fuckin funny. heres my story
like two years me and my buddies threw this HUGE party there were like mass amounts of people there,a few kegs, a dj in the basemetn, it was crazy, you could barely walk thru the house it was so crowded. i was so fucking blasted i cant even believe i remembr this. so it was like 4am and the party was winding down,mostly everyone was gone but me and these two chicks were still partying, talking, doing shots,and we blew a few lines of coke. i was trying to kick it to them you know see what could pop off between us like a 3-way or something. so i got them to come up to my room,there were a few people who crashed in there but i was like fuck it this is a once in a lifetime thing. so i started making out with one of them while the other was giving me a hand job,. then it started getting real freaky i was slapping them in the boobs with my dick and railing both of them at liek the same time. one of the girls left to go to the bathroom but it was ok cuz i was still rockin on with the other one. i was pounding her ass from behind and i pulled out so i could go downlow and lick the pussy. so i start eating her out really going to town and shit, fingering her,i even tried the shocker haha. so this is where it gets kind of nasty,i didnt realize it but i was eating out her asshole and it started to taste kind of funny, and out of nowhere i just fuckin barfed like all over this chicks ass and pussy. i was like oh shit! but i was still full of agony ready to bust that nut and im not sure why i did this but i stuck my dick between her puke filled ass cheeks and just started humping that shit as hard as i could. she pushed me off her with the quickness and she was PISSED but i was just laughing cuz that shit was funny as hell to me.
hahaha that is so fucking gnarly
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sadly, it felt TOO good, and right when the cum spurted out i accidently farted. if the same thing happened in outer space, i dont know which way id float.
HAHAHAHA oh fuck this is amazing
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MOD: please move this topic to classic slap.
Love, Carrolls Chesthairs
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Jacking off in the school bathrooms. You know when your exchanging looks with the chick across the room, you might of given her a look or she might have gaven you a look but your both feeling echother. You start getting an image in your mind of you fucking her and that's when i ask the teacher for a bathroom pass
Same.
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playing with your poop, or plotting murder, etc.
Hahahaha.
I'll be thoroughly disappointed if I find out any of these stories aren't true.
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Is getting period blood on your dick risky? What if it goes through your urethra? Or does the blood not come out that way? Sex sounds very fluidy and exciting. How do you guys find such easy girls?
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i licked out a girl once
it was sick, whats worse is despite the taste i kept on going for almost a minute
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So is eating out a vagina or anus more of an affection thing that keeps you going or does it taste good?
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another one:
my friend wanted to fuck my step sister and she was down. we were like 16. she had to sneak in my room late at night so our parents wouldnt hear. i sat in the closet and jacked off while i watched him lose his virginity to her....weird.
haha hella perv status. have you told your step sis?
topic of the month fo sho!
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tasted my cum once. it was wierd. hmmmm...I don't know if tasting ones own cum is perverted or simply an act of curiosity. I suck at this.
shit's salty but, surprisingly, alright to handle. i fucked my bitch soooo hard on my little sisters bed once and when she was about to cum i put my sis' water glass around her pussy so the cum shot out into the glass jail of pleasure. the cup left a small circle around my girl's cunt but we looked at the cum after and she bet me a solid bj if i chugged the 2 or 3 tea spoons of sticky white mini people that shot out of her dangling pleasure meat. i told the bitch to fuck off and slapped her, and to show her i wasn't no pussy i chugged it. it was fine. i was alive.
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man i hope some of you creeps' friends dont know you post here
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man i hope some of you creeps' friends dont know you post here
i heard the stepsister/ closet story in real life. awkward and equally hilarious. if skate_bored has any shame whatsoever i honestly don't want to know what he's hiding.
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man i hope some of you creeps' friends dont know you post here
i heard the stepsister/ closet story in real life. awkward and equally hilarious. if skate_bored has any shame whatsoever i honestly don't want to know what he's hiding.
hahaha god damn i told you guys that in real life? yeah that was maybe my most shameful. haha fuck i cant believe i told you!!!! i was saving that for my most drunkest moment.
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i licked out a girl once
it was sick, whats worse is despite the taste i kept on going for almost a minute
i hate it when the chicks pussy doesnt taste good ...
so i always put my fingers in her pussy first and then im waiting for a good moment to smell my fingers; like when she goes to the bathroom or whatever. if it smells good and if it looks good (blood on finger?) im deff gonna dive down there and lick the hell out of her.
but if the cunt smells like a caveman's asshole, i'll just let her suck my ding dong and thats it!
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tasted my cum once. it was wierd. hmmmm...I don't know if tasting ones own cum is perverted or simply an act of curiosity. I suck at this.
shit's salty but, surprisingly, alright to handle.
always wondered if this was ever done.
hahaha god damn i told you guys that in real life? yeah that was maybe my most shameful. haha fuck i cant believe i told you!!!! i was saving that for my most drunkest moment.
apparently that has happened.
this thread is awesome.
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In highschool my girlfriend and I were laying on her couch under a blanket watching tv while her 10 yr old neice was sitting in the chair about 5 ft away. The rest of the family was downstairs eating lunch or some shit. I thought it would be funny just to play with the gf's boobs knowing her neice was right there but then I wanted to see how far she'd let me get before shutting me down. So after the boobs I went for the pants and she just laughed and thought it was funny. Gradually I pulled her pants off and unzipped mine and we started going for it as subtle as possible.
Then her dad and aunt came upstairs and it was fucking scary as shit knowing if they told us to get up right then and come downstairs we'd be in a shitload of trouble. Her with no pants at all and me with my boner sticking outta my purple Blind jeans while her neice was watching cartoons 5 ft away.
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Wow, you guys are on some other level with this shit. The only thing that I could think of is when I jerked off in an airplane lavatory when I was about 13. A stewardess was bringing me some sprite and she had accidentally spilled some of it on my lap. She was all "oh, im so sorry, here let me clean that up for you", so she takes a napkin and just starts rubbing it up on my lap trying to dry off the sprite and clean my pants for me. She was pretty hot so while she was doing that my libido was getting all worked up. After she had walked off, I got up, ran into the lavatory, and jerked off. Yeah, that's pretty much it. It's nothing compared to the shit that some of you guys put up though.
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when i was 14 i went to italy with my parents, and we went to this nude beach, so there were mad titties flapping around. my parents were napping in the sand so i was checking out these topless babes throwing around a frisbee, i was tripping out and so was my dick, so i went into the water and tried to rub one out
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when i was 14 i went to italy with my parents, and we went to this nude beach, so there were mad titties flapping around. my parents were napping in the sand so i was checking out these topless babes throwing around a frisbee, i was tripping out and so was my dick, so i went into the water and tried to rub one out
understandable.
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haha this thread is fuckin funny. heres my story
like two years me and my buddies threw this HUGE party there were like mass amounts of people there,a few kegs, a dj in the basemetn, it was crazy, you could barely walk thru the house it was so crowded. i was so fucking blasted i cant even believe i remembr this. so it was like 4am and the party was winding down,mostly everyone was gone but me and these two chicks were still partying, talking, doing shots,and we blew a few lines of coke. i was trying to kick it to them you know see what could pop off between us like a 3-way or something. so i got them to come up to my room,there were a few people who crashed in there but i was like fuck it this is a once in a lifetime thing. so i started making out with one of them while the other was giving me a hand job,. then it started getting real freaky i was slapping them in the boobs with my dick and railing both of them at liek the same time. one of the girls left to go to the bathroom but it was ok cuz i was still rockin on with the other one. i was pounding her ass from behind and i pulled out so i could go downlow and lick the pussy. so i start eating her out really going to town and shit, fingering her,i even tried the shocker haha. so this is where it gets kind of nasty,i didnt realize it but i was eating out her asshole and it started to taste kind of funny, and out of nowhere i just fuckin barfed like all over this chicks ass and pussy. i was like oh shit! but i was still full of agony ready to bust that nut and im not sure why i did this but i stuck my dick between her puke filled ass cheeks and just started humping that shit as hard as i could. she pushed me off her with the quickness and she was PISSED but i was just laughing cuz that shit was funny as hell to me.
i just spat coke all over my keyboard laughing, but it was totally worth it. Fucking golden dude.
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all these jerking off stories have made me want to confess something.
if you are my friend, and i've been to your house and used your bathroom, theres a 95% chance that i've masterbated in your home.
i dont know what it is, but i can rub one out in about a minute, so i have thrown a beat in so many places its insane. restraunts, airplanes, park toilets, porta potties, during parties, church (when i was younger), skateshops, every job i've ever had. i dont know what it is. i think i have a problem. i really should stop this.
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all these jerking off stories have made me want to confess something.
if you are my friend, and i've been to your house and used your bathroom, theres a 95% chance that i've masterbated in your home.
i dont know what it is, but i can rub one out in about a minute, so i have thrown a beat in so many places its insane. restraunts, airplanes, park toilets, porta potties, during parties, church (when i was younger), skateshops, every job i've ever had. i dont know what it is. i think i have a problem. i really should stop this.
i have that poster also
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i fucked a shoe box once.
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i fucked a shoe box once.
a cut-out hole, or the lid closed down?
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a cut out hole then the lid closed down. it was safe, trust me.
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I want to do perverted things to Vicky
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fucked this girl i was dating, jizzed on her stomach and then we started talking which led to an argument for a good bit which eventually led back to us making out which led to me licking her titties, next thing you know i've licked my way down to what's now a slightly crusty bush...
oh fuck, did i just? yep, i sure did... oh well
another time i woke up in bed with this girl who was in my circle of friends. it was around the same time that i was casually dating the girl above and my friends had taken me and this girl i woke up in bed with and posed us in our undies in bed together and taken pictures as a way to fuck with me when i woke up. i guess they figured it'd be funny leave us snuggled up and see what'd happened when we woke up and that's how i ended up in bed with this girl from our circle of friends. well i wake up and figured i'd already hit it and wanted to go back for seconds because i didn't remember shit. so i started working on her and she was getting worked up and right before i put it in she says, "wait, allen, i'm not sure about this..." well, i'm not allen, he was a friend of mine and i just thought it was awsome that she didn't know who was about to put it in her. so i just kept working on her and never said a word, just moans and shit like that. then when i finished i jumped up, threw my shit on and left the room real quick. all my homies where chilling in the living room and i told them what happened real quick and said to say that allen just left. so then the girl comes out and is like "anyone see allen? i thought he was just going to the bathroom" everyone starts replying with "he just took off, is everything OK? he looked like he saw ghost or something..." anyway, we didn't tell either of them, thinking it'd be awsome when they ran into each other on campus. the next day she stepped to him on campus and was calling him an asshole for sleeping with her and splitting and allen of course was denying it. then they kind of thought about who all was at the party and figured out what had happened from there.
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i was probably like 13 or so and my friend sister was super hot.
she had her panties all laying around her room so i got all horny and i beat off onto her pillow.
years later we hooked up and i think it had something to do with me covering her pillow with my man goo.
it was kind of perverted i guess...
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haha this thread is fuckin funny. heres my story
like two years me and my buddies threw this HUGE party there were like mass amounts of people there,a few kegs, a dj in the basemetn, it was crazy, you could barely walk thru the house it was so crowded. i was so fucking blasted i cant even believe i remembr this. so it was like 4am and the party was winding down,mostly everyone was gone but me and these two chicks were still partying, talking, doing shots,and we blew a few lines of coke. i was trying to kick it to them you know see what could pop off between us like a 3-way or something. so i got them to come up to my room,there were a few people who crashed in there but i was like fuck it this is a once in a lifetime thing. so i started making out with one of them while the other was giving me a hand job,. then it started getting real freaky i was slapping them in the boobs with my dick and railing both of them at liek the same time. one of the girls left to go to the bathroom but it was ok cuz i was still rockin on with the other one. i was pounding her ass from behind and i pulled out so i could go downlow and lick the pussy. so i start eating her out really going to town and shit, fingering her,i even tried the shocker haha. so this is where it gets kind of nasty,i didnt realize it but i was eating out her asshole and it started to taste kind of funny, and out of nowhere i just fuckin barfed like all over this chicks ass and pussy. i was like oh shit! but i was still full of agony ready to bust that nut and im not sure why i did this but i stuck my dick between her puke filled ass cheeks and just started humping that shit as hard as i could. she pushed me off her with the quickness and she was PISSED but i was just laughing cuz that shit was funny as hell to me.
i just spat coke all over my keyboard laughing, but it was totally worth it. Fucking golden dude.
hahahaahahaha, fuuuuuuhhhckkkk that's so funny
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i was probably like 13 or so and my friend sister was super hot.
she had her panties all laying around her room so i got all horny and i beat off onto her pillow.
years later we hooked up and i think it had something to do with me covering her pillow with my man goo.
it was kind of perverted i guess...
hahah that's funnyshit. my boy frankies (RIP) little sister one time threw a VCR thru the TV and stole our weed before going out for the night, and she was hot despite being 4 years younger, and as retribution, i jizzed all over her pillow. fuckin lizzie d, what a cunt. frankie stay up with the G, Geeezuz! peace brotha, dude could k grind for 30 feet.... fuckin a, i'm shitfaced
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one time I successfully fucked a couch, except i got on my knees on the floor and hit the space between the actual couch and the cushions, so it was like I was hitting it doggy. I wanna say I was 11 but it was probably just a couple months ago
Sig material.
okay, that same ex girl in this story as well. whenever we'd get a buzz goin in her apartment, she'd always pee with the bathroom door open. and i'd be walkin' by to grab a beer out of the fridge or something and she'd insist on me coming in. like "hey come here, i wanna ask you something." but it was never anything important. it's like she wanted me to be present to her pissin on the toilet and would kind of do it sexually. anyway, that excelled pretty quick, cause i was into it. it got to the point to where i would i put my hand under her while she took a piss. it was kind of an erotic rush. so i did that like every time she took a drunk piss and we'd fuck afterward. it got to the point to where when we were about to get in the shower together, i'd sit down on the toilet (naked) and she'd sit on top of me facing me, legs wrapped around and would just let it go. kinda fucked, but i was never really dirty about it, always washed my hands afterward or showered.
10/10
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haha this thread is fuckin funny. heres my story
like two years me and my buddies threw this HUGE party there were like mass amounts of people there,a few kegs, a dj in the basemetn, it was crazy, you could barely walk thru the house it was so crowded. i was so fucking blasted i cant even believe i remembr this. so it was like 4am and the party was winding down,mostly everyone was gone but me and these two chicks were still partying, talking, doing shots,and we blew a few lines of coke. i was trying to kick it to them you know see what could pop off between us like a 3-way or something. so i got them to come up to my room,there were a few people who crashed in there but i was like fuck it this is a once in a lifetime thing. so i started making out with one of them while the other was giving me a hand job,. then it started getting real freaky i was slapping them in the boobs with my dick and railing both of them at liek the same time. one of the girls left to go to the bathroom but it was ok cuz i was still rockin on with the other one. i was pounding her ass from behind and i pulled out so i could go downlow and lick the pussy. so i start eating her out really going to town and shit, fingering her,i even tried the shocker haha. so this is where it gets kind of nasty,i didnt realize it but i was eating out her asshole and it started to taste kind of funny, and out of nowhere i just fuckin barfed like all over this chicks ass and pussy. i was like oh shit! but i was still full of agony ready to bust that nut and im not sure why i did this but i stuck my dick between her puke filled ass cheeks and just started humping that shit as hard as i could. she pushed me off her with the quickness and she was PISSED but i was just laughing cuz that shit was funny as hell to me.
First time I went down I puked in my mouth. We were outside so I casually spit it out in the grass under me, and she didn't notice.
And I've done the shocker with two fingers in the back, I talked to a friend about it, he's done it too. Turns out when you get to that in real life the pinky just doesn't cut it by itself. We decided to call it the spocker after this:
(http://blog.wired.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/08/08/spock_3.jpg)
But yeah, did that one while drunk with a girl of... loose morality. Decided I was going to slip it in the pooper the first time with her, and started to prime the booty. got it going good until two could fit in, and started spockin' her, hoping to get hard, but alas, the whiskey was too much for me and I could do no more. So I went at it for about a half an hour and passed out. The next morning my hand was just a potpourri of awful scents.
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A friend and I got ahold of some most righteous tweak, and it had us fucking horny all night. He kept reminding me this. He also remembered a party down the street, a good chance to chase the muff around. We scout it out, and there's beer pong, with actual paddles. Ran the tables! Drunk girls liked it! They liked the muscles, the tank top! Game. Set. Match. Made fun of them, bragged, a couple came back to our place.
ANYWAYS.
After about thirty minutes of powering that muff, I realized cumming was nowhere in sight. I flipped her over, squatted in position and settled for some ballsucking. So, I just sat there getting my balls sucked, watching my best friend annihilate some outstanding, preppie muff. We gave each other the head nod/thumbs up, since we weren't in high five distance. I got my girl and waddled over, and we got our balls sucked, side by side, like champions.
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But yeah, did that one while drunk with a girl of... loose morality. Decided I was going to slip it in the pooper the first time with her, and started to prime the booty. got it going good until two could fit in, and started spockin' her, hoping to get hard, but alas, the whiskey was too much for me and I could do no more. So I went at it for about a half an hour and passed out. The next morning my hand was just a potpourri of awful scents.
haha yeah the whiskey ... fuck! i went to a bar with my friends after a motorhead show, we were all pretty wasted and exhausted n just wanted to sip a few beers.
then this chick comes up to me and i took her home, she was really hot ... but because of the booze and a shitload of speed i couldnt get hard. so i ate her bunghole out, luckily she was just like fresh out of the shower. so i ate her out and managed to fit 4 fingers in her ... tried to fist her but i just passed out.
she left in the early morning and i didnt noticed it ... but she left her panties here and ive jizzed in there a couple of times hoping to meet her again to hand her out the panty!
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farted and smelled it and liked it.
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this shit just keeps getting better....wayyyyy better.
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this backpacker girl in vietnam when i lived there at the time took me to her hostel. we got naked and she gave me head right there on her bed (i didn't want to lose my virginity to this bitch), and right next to us the whole time was her boyfriend, passed out, head faced towards us. that was kinda weird.
all these jerking off stories have made me want to confess something.
if you are my friend, and i've been to your house and used your bathroom, theres a 95% chance that i've masterbated in your home.
i dont know what it is, but i can rub one out in about a minute, so i have thrown a beat in so many places its insane. restraunts, airplanes, park toilets, porta potties, during parties, church (when i was younger), skateshops, every job i've ever had. i dont know what it is. i think i have a problem. i really should stop this.
i do this all the time. i like it. i feel like i'm marking my territory.
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this backpacker girl in vietnam when i lived there at the time took me to her hostel. we got naked and she gave me head right there on her bed (i didn't want to lose my virginity to this bitch), and right next to us the whole time was her boyfriend, passed out, head faced towards us. that was kinda weird.
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all these jerking off stories have made me want to confess something.
if you are my friend, and i've been to your house and used your bathroom, theres a 95% chance that i've masterbated in your home.
i dont know what it is, but i can rub one out in about a minute, so i have thrown a beat in so many places its insane. restraunts, airplanes, park toilets, porta potties, during parties, church (when i was younger), skateshops, every job i've ever had. i dont know what it is. i think i have a problem. i really should stop this.
please tell me you didnt do that in my house....
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haha no.
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c'mon everybody ... i want more of those stories. they make me laugh! i love this!!!
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The next morning my hand was just a potpourri of awful scents.
amazing
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bump.. I want more!
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another really fucked up is how i lost my virginity. its not really perverted but its god damn gross. there was this girl that is still the biggest slut i've ever met. she was the girl people would call over to give everybody at the house blowjobs. i mean everybody. shed go in a room, wait for someone to go in then just start doing her thing. anyways, the first time i was ever "introduced" to her, i was 15 and shed already blown about 15 people that night. i go in there, super nervous because i had only gotton half a blowjob before and very little action besides that, and she made me feel right at home. i started getting some headdie murphy from her and had the bright idea that i should bone my first woman right now. so i did it. no condom. raw dogged for about 5 minutes, couldnt come, felt really ashamed, pulled up my pants and left. thankfully i got no disease from her, but since then because of my good luck, i have played russian roulette with my penis and sluts nearly everytime. i figure, if i could get away with that one i can get away with anything. that fat slut still haunts my dreams.
hahah, that's pretty much how i lost mine too. i was 15-16, at a friends house after a little party that just went down. i was watching pirates of the caribbean in this mates room with a few other homies. the slut was in another room across the hallway just waiting for it, who knows how much she had in her before i came along. i was too drunk and couldn't be fucked to find a rubber, so i got in there, got head off her and proceeded to fuck her. then came back to finish watching the movie. the next day i really regretted not using any protetction, i was full worried for ages. i ended up getting my dick checked out and thankgod i didn't get anything from her. she's just 18 now and i think she's got a kid, who knows who to. i've been careful ever since.
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farted and smelled it and liked it.
you haven't really lived until you've had a proper log sniff. gotta pick that turd up and sniff it like a fine cigar...
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I've masturbated in the walk-in cooler at work and rubbed my juicy fingers all over the tips of mustard bottles. I kept it a secret for a month, but I told a few people who eat the mustard themselves to see their reaction. They weren't too bothered.
I've fingered a girl on her period and got her to suck my bloody finger. She was drunk, and I wasn't. After this, she was eating me out on a bed where another couple was having sex (hotel party). Right now my clit feels like a pearl being made in an oyster, and I am in a hormone-driven stupor completely enjoying myself. I was on the road to climaxing, only for the guy fucking the girl next to me to pull out and nut fucking everywhere, including my stomach. I was not amused at all, but he apologized greatly and told me he couldn't control it. I figured that it was karma and that I should avoid these types of situations.
I masturbate when I'm on my period; it's more intense, and it makes the cramps disappear. I only do this in the shower though. Menstrual flow leaves some brutal stains.
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this thread is so funny yet so gross
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While pale in comparison to the majority of the posts here, I once had a relationship similar to Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader from the movie "Secretary". The best part about S&M/submission&domination is trading roles. That way both people have the ability to act and react upon the situation without things getting repetitive. The catch to this sort of thing, however, is that it's unconventional methods of displaying affection eventually lead to the relationships undoing.
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yeah i dont see how a relationship endures that after so long
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not one of my stories, but out of all the porn i have seen, i have never seen anything like this before. haha, what a nasty bitch!
thought i'd share.
put the video to 28.00 mins.
http://www.tube8.com/hardcore/annette-schwartz-purfish-creamcouch-/82012/ (http://www.tube8.com/hardcore/annette-schwartz-purfish-creamcouch-/82012/)
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not one of my stories, but out of all the porn i have seen, i have never seen anything like this before. haha, what a nasty bitch!
thought i'd share.
put the video to 28.00 mins.
http://www.tube8.com/hardcore/annette-schwartz-purfish-creamcouch-/82012/ (http://www.tube8.com/hardcore/annette-schwartz-purfish-creamcouch-/82012/)
that was fucking disgusting, i just lost my chinese food all over my keyboard
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I've jacked off on a bathroom on a plane. One time, on this trip to London, I put a blanket over myself, on a plane, and jacked off. I wasn't horny or anything. It was just for the fun of it.
In fourth grade, some chick passed around her yearbook to get it signed. I said that I was going to take a piss and took the yearbook with me. I cummed on her picture in the yearbook, probably because she was bitch.
I also cummed on a research paper and on the textbook for US History.
I fingered this teacher in high school and made out with her, while playing with her tits, afterwards. She was like 24 and I was 17. It was some radio lab class or something. I wish I fucked her. :'(
I jacked off in a library bathroom. I did it in a stall one time and cummed in a urinal one time.
I usually think of sexual thoughts whenever I'm in a classroom.
I feel like this is a confession thread. It feels good to admit these things.
This kid I knew said he jacked off into the soap dispenser on a plane.
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Come on guys, get really nasty.
(http://img9.imageshack.us/img9/9459/1237535814858.jpg)
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^
Have you actually done that, though? Playing with shit doesn't make me horny and it's actually pretty gross, just thinking about it. But, if you have a shit fetish, go for it.
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....teabagged my dog with peanut butter on my nuts. dont act like you havent done it !
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Besides that picture up there I should have gotten into this thread sooner.
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....teabagged my dog with peanut butter on my nuts. dont act like you havent done it !
I hope you are joking :(
i dont mean recently, i mean when i was a little kid. yea.
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Come on guys, get really nasty.
(http://img9.imageshack.us/img9/9459/1237535814858.jpg)
Fuck you dude.
I was eating rolo ice cream and laughing my ass off at this thread, Until I saw your photo.
Now I don't think Im going to finish my ice cream
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if being a sugar puss leads to a yeast infection, i dont want to know what sort of dough is going to come out of that one
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thats seriously the sickest fuckin shit i've ever seen.
worse than that dude who died from fuckin a horse.
can't unsee...
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yeah can someone delete that pic please haha
high school was rough....no homo and i was in an all boys school but you know how those days go when you just cant stop thinking about pussy like maybe it was that chick you saw on the train or maybe its your fat lesbian spanish teacher whatever you just gotta rageing boner all day type feeling...i used to take the corner urinal sometimes and if no one was there wack off into it....sketchy yeahhhh
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and while im at it when i was like 16 i used to look for like jail bait porn online cause i wanted to see bitches that were more of my age....probably not a good idea
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Purposely jacked off onto the soap in the shower that I knew my brother was going to use right after me.
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and while im at it when i was like 16 i used to look for like jail bait porn online cause i wanted to see bitches that were more of my age....probably not a good idea
Did you get caught or anything? I didn't care because I had a MILF obsession from fourth grade until twelfth grade. Then, After that, it was mostly amateur porn and chicks around my age.
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Bump.
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http://pacoporn.com/viewVideo.php?video_id=3081&title=Tone___nuts_in_da_ass__dick_in_tha_pussy
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Ahahah fuck dude I saw that clip years ago, and thought it was the funniest thing ever, and have told many of my friends about it. So stoked you posted that link.
I love when you're watching black dudes in porn and they are being hella thugged out. The best is when he pops his balls out of her ass and goes "BOO-YA!"
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HAHAHA!!!!
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Alright it's about time this thread got bumped.
So I used to bang this girl that my friends named "Asian Whore." Before I started fucking her I was not really experienced with sex. Like I had had a fair amount of sex, but nothing too crazy. To quote Eric Burdon "she was brown, and I was pretty green." This girl was a freak. Like everything you've ever wanted to do to a girl but didn't have the nerve to ask, she would bring it up on her own.
"You know, you don't always have to come in the condom. You can come on my face."
"You know, you don't always have to fuck my pussy. I like it in the ass."
"Hey, have you ever had a girl lick your ass?"
"Have you ever choked anyone while you were fucking them?"
It was all too easy for a 22 year old who had been watching porn since he was 8. But besides being a freak to the highest degree, she was also annoying as fuck. I ended up hating her guts, but that didn't stop me from being "fuck buddies" with her for at least a year, maybe a year and a half, because you know sometimes hate sex is the best sex. But it really turned into one of those drive over there, no small talk, do your thing, get the fuck out type of situations.
So one of those times I cruised over there for an afternoon session, and halfway through she asked me to stick it in her ass. Being the honorable gentleman that I am, how could I refuse a lady's request? So after a few minutes of ass fucking, I started to smell something funny, and I looked down and there was shit-cream all over the bottom of my dick and my pubic area. It was so gross. Looked like really light coloured pudding. And it stunk. So I got super mad at her and yelled "WHAT THE FUCK?! Why would you get me to fuck you in your ass if you haven't taken a shit all day?!" So I stormed across the hall to the bathroom, threw the condom in the toilet and I grabbed a face towel off of the towel rack on the wall and wiped myself off. Just as I opened up the hamper, and because I was so mad at her and already hated her so much, instead of throwing it in the hamper I neatly re-folded the towel with the shit-cream on the inside, and put it back on the towel rack. Then when I got out of the bathroom she wanted me to fuck her again and I said "Fuck no! I'm fuckin grossed out. I'm out of here!"
It was a horrible thing to do, but I still get a laugh to this day thinking of her super old, tiny little Asian mom who looked like Yoda wiping her face off on the backside of a shit-cream towel.
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^THANK YOU, WATSON!
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Wow.
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you should of taken it to the next step and said "only if you clean it orally!"
obviously just to see what her limits would be.
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I just saw that picture for the first time today.
The only words that I could think of to express my feelings were "NO........NO...."
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wow watson... wow.
What a great story.
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To the cuntface who posted that horrible shit pic thanks. Now everyone in my lecture thearte treats me like a leper.
If anyone goes to the University of Auckland I'm the infamous toilet bandit. I go into toilets when no ones looking and take shits on the floor, in urinals, towel dispensers etc. I've snuck into the female toilets and have written notes on stalls that said I would film you taking dump for $300; send in picture and email to so and so puppet email account. I've amassed so many accounts, and facebook friends that it would honestly fill the Myspace thread.
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Sounds like they rightfully treat you like a leper, but anyway, I think that belongs more in the disgusting things you do thread.
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wow watson... wow.
What a great story.
I think that's pretty disgusting. But, Watson didn't do any of that stuff.
Hey, Watson, did she shit or did it just get on your dick while you fucked her?
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wow watson... wow.
What a great story.
Hey, Watson, did she shit or did it just get on your dick while you fucked her?
See, that's what I'm thinking about yours too generic of stories. Seem like random shit you just thought off the top of your head to sound raw. Watson's was good enough that I enjoyed it even if it was fake.
And the stuff Watson is talking about is real. Its called "Santorum" after this homophobic senator:
(http://blog.pennlive.com/pennsyltucky/2008/02/santorum22108.jpg)
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Oh. I didn't mean that Watson was lying. I meant that the nasty bitch that he fucked was the one that did the nasty shit. And, there isn't any point in lying on a message board. That would be pathetic and I would not gain anything out of that. I guess the reason it sounds generic is because it was list. But, it was a compilation of stuff that I did over the years. I haven't done anything extremely perverted.
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http://pacoporn.com/viewVideo.php?video_id=3081&title=Tone___nuts_in_da_ass__dick_in_tha_pussy
awww nigga
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Raunchy, nah, she didn't full on shit. It just started seeping out like I said, like cream. It was fucking disgusting yet fascinating. I can't forget the colour of it.
I got tons of good stories, but let's have some other people post before I get carried away hahaha.
Oh and Gipper I'm glad you enjoyed it regardless of the validity, but I assure you my friend that it is 100% true. I'm not like some big stud, nor do I consider myself some crazy sexual perv, but I somehow always find myself in some insane situations that make for great stories.
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i jacked off at work in the toilet for the first time today. then i instantly thought of this thread. it felt wrong yet so right at the time, hope this doesn't turn into a habit. i think i read in this thread somewhere a dude pretty much spanks the monkey everyday at work, haha.
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Raunchy, nah, she didn't full on shit. It just started seeping out like I said, like cream. It was fucking disgusting yet fascinating. I can't forget the colour of it.
I got tons of good stories, but let's have some other people post before I get carried away hahaha.
Oh and Gipper I'm glad you enjoyed it regardless of the validity, but I assure you my friend that it is 100% true. I'm not like some big stud, nor do I consider myself some crazy sexual perv, but I somehow always find myself in some insane situations that make for great stories.
Yeah, I feel that despite not being a "player" I somehow manage some weird stories. A lot randomly involve costumes, most aren't that perverted, just kind of weird.
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Oh fuck dude, I don't have much costume experience but boy would I love some.
The story about the Reagan mask was fucking rad.
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Bringing this shit back!!
I would take showers with my ex and we'd soap each other up and rinse off. I'd always wash and rinse her asshole then finger it and suck on my fingers.
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I OFFF UNE FOIS MIS SUR CRIC POUR S'INQUIÉTER DES OURS !
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Bringing this shit back!!
I would take showers with my ex and we'd soap each other up and rinse off. I'd always wash and rinse her asshole then finger it and suck on my fingers.
what the fuuuuuuuck
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i thought the reagan mask was brilliant but out of nowhere (like two weeks ago) watson won this thread so fucking hard. amazing story, sir.
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Oh fuck dude, I don't have much costume experience but boy would I love some.
The story about the Reagan mask was fucking rad.
I also am always in a super festive mood on halloween and had a long winstreak on the day, if you want to ddress up a certain way when you get fucked, dress that way on halloween and hope for the best. Its much easier than saying "so I got this mask..." It seems incidental, and weird pervy shit is allowed because its considered festive, not like a weird fetish.
I've had 2 non-halloween, non-costume party situations though, the chicken suit and the corncob, neither are that perverted or cool. the corncob costume incident has its comedy though- Found a corn cob costume on the street when I was wasted. The thing easily weighed 50 pounds and had a steal cage frame. I walked around talking shit to everybody I saw, andd some dumb hipster chick followed me home after I sarcastically offered to cornhole the shit out of her. That's all I said pretty much too. I think it was a joke until we walked a full block away and just went with it.
I couldn't fit through the door when we got home, and I fell over drunk trying to take off the costume and crashed into a shelf, knocking enough shit over to wake up the entire house. When I finally got it off I had to clear a space to be able to put it down somewhere. When I was ass naked I realized the chick was one of those chubby girls who knew how to hide it (or I was just that wasted), pretended I had whiskey dick when I lost it, and passed out. I should have known dressing like food was a good way to end up bedding a chub.
The next morning my alarm accidentally went off early but I had been up for hours in awkward discomfort. I pretended I had work, took a shower, shaved, got completely dressed, shoed her off, and went back to bed. I guess I'm a dick, but whatever. What the fuck was she doing fucking a strange guy dressed like corn anyway?
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Oh fuck dude, I don't have much costume experience but boy would I love some.
The story about the Reagan mask was fucking rad.
I also am always in a super festive mood on halloween and had a long winstreak on the day, if you want to ddress up a certain way when you get fucked, dress that way on halloween and hope for the best. Its much easier than saying "so I got this mask..." It seems incidental, and weird pervy shit is allowed because its considered festive, not like a weird fetish.
I've had 2 non-halloween, non-costume party situations though, the chicken suit and the corncob, neither are that perverted or cool. the corncob costume incident has its comedy though- Found a corn cob costume on the street when I was wasted. The thing easily weighed 50 pounds and had a steal cage frame. I walked around talking shit to everybody I saw, andd some dumb hipster chick followed me home after I sarcastically offered to cornhole the shit out of her. That's all I said pretty much too. I think it was a joke until we walked a full block away and just went with it.
I couldn't fit through the door when we got home, and I fell over drunk trying to take off the costume and crashed into a shelf, knocking enough shit over to wake up the entire house. When I finally got it off I had to clear a space to be able to put it down somewhere. When I was ass naked I realized the chick was one of those chubby girls who knew how to hide it (or I was just that wasted), pretended I had whiskey dick when I lost it, and passed out. I should have known dressing like food was a good way to end up bedding a chub.
The next morning my alarm accidentally went off early but I had been up for hours in awkward discomfort. I pretended I had work, took a shower, shaved, got completely dressed, shoed her off, and went back to bed. I guess I'm a dick, but whatever. What the fuck was she doing fucking a strange guy dressed like corn anyway?
multiple wins
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hahahaha
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I should have known dressing like food was a good way to end up bedding a chub.
Ahahahah so funny. Well since this topic got bumped and we're talking about chubs anyway, here's another.
Different chick, same situation as last time. Totally bummed on the chick, but the sex was just too easy, so it was just a show up, get yours, get the fuck out type of situation. This chick was kinda fat but had a cute face, and had the most amazing fat chick tits, and you guys know those things rule. She also gave the most bomb ass head, and was really into it for the long haul. One time I held off as long as I could and made it through an entire Portishead album, and the poor girl just kept working through the whole thing, god bless her fat little soul.
So usually the encounters would just consist of me getting blown and then fucking off right away, and this one time that's exactly what was going on, and at the end I told her "Let me come on your face." So while she was down on her knees and I finished I came all over her face and her tits. Then since I always have to use the bathroom after I come, I was like "I'll grab you a cloth baby."
After I left her room, I looked over and saw my jacket on her couch, and it was the meanest thing ever to do (besides planting shit-cream on a face towel), but I just thought to myself "Fuck this, I'm just leaving and saving myself the lameness of her begging me to stay afterwards." So I grabbed my jacket, and headed for the door, leaving her sitting there kneeling with come all over her face waiting for me to bring her a cloth.
The best part about it is, as I was on my way out, more just to entertain myself and make the situation more hilarious than anything, I opened the fridge, and grabbed a stick of beer sausage and a can of Coke. By the time I made it to my car I could barely drink that Coke because I was laughing so hard.
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Where the fuck do you guys meet these filthy sluts? I never meet girls aside from prudish friends of friends. Where do I meet some freaks?
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Dude, I have a fuckin freak magnet. I don't know what it is. I don't bang tons of girls, but pretty much every one I do ends up being a superfreak.
And if they're not, just turn them into one. I'm very persuasive.
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Where the fuck do you guys meet these filthy sluts? I never meet girls aside from prudish friends of friends. Where do I meet some freaks?
If you get an averagely experienced chick hammered, some fucked up shit is bound to go down. Gotta give it a go, throw some ideas out there. Just make sure you're not as drunk as her, so you can remember it and share the stories with us.
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couple years ago, after that drunken in the early afternoon on cheap wine sex, no one wants to be taunted by a husky girl during sex with a husky girl. i wiped my dick along the walls of her bathroom and got half-caught. i'd wipe my dick on her linens. i don't feel like elaborating much, damian doesn't want to think of her.. my aura would plead, "damian, can we go back to smaller girls?" everytime i left her house.
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watson just won this thread again.
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I also told this chick once that I moved to Vancouver, when I in fact was still living in the same place that I always did. This way I didn't have to deal with her fuckin bullshit, and then when I was super desperate for sex I'd just call her from a friend's cell phone and say "I'm in town and drunk, I'm catching a cab over."
Worked great for like 9 months until I ran into her at the Wal-Mart. Fuckin goddamned Wal-Mart.
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(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_sUtyx4_Y8PM/SbV2AW1R1DI/AAAAAAAAB6U/rTG3aQvZcCU/s400/fine-young-cannibals.jpg)
Double team.
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I also told this chick once that I moved to Vancouver, when I in fact was still living in the same place that I always did. This way I didn't have to deal with her fuckin bullshit, and then when I was super desperate for sex I'd just call her from a friend's cell phone and say "I'm in town and drunk, I'm catching a cab over."
Worked great for like 9 months until I ran into her at the Wal-Mart. Fuckin goddamned Wal-Mart.
Man. Thats the greatest idea i've ever heard.
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^Did you see how it backfired?
Where the fuck do you guys meet these filthy sluts? I never meet girls aside from prudish friends of friends. Where do I meet some freaks?
sex addicts anonymous
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I wouldn't really say it backfired. I just said "Yeah okay I was lying", and then she kept sucking my dick after that still.
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I wouldn't really say it backfired. I just said "Yeah okay I was lying", and then she kept sucking my dick after that still.
will you write a book? i would buy it in a heartbeat.
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Ahahah that cracked me up. You actually wouldn't be the first person to suggest that idea.
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Ahahah that cracked me up. You actually wouldn't be the first person to suggest that idea.
not perverted but a suggestion. watson-you should do a review on you will soon for that paradox grip tape that's all the rage lately.
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i had just broken up with my girlfriend at the time. we were having what i guess would be called "break-up sex." it was more awkward than perverted because she would go from moaning, to crying, to telling me to fucker her harder, and then tell me that i'm a scum bag, an so on and so forth.
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there's also the time i had sex at work with a girl i had met the same day. she worked next to the skateshop where i worked. she was hanging out all day and i told her i had to lock the door to use the bathroom. i went in to the back and she followed me. she pulled my cock out of my pants and we ended up fucking in the stockroom. long story short, because i'm a moron, i had to pay for her abortion pill.
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long story short, because i'm a moron, i had to pay for her abortion pill.
The only thing moronic about that was paying for the pill. Punches in the stomach are free!
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long story short, because i'm a moron, i had to pay for her abortion pill.
The only thing moronic about that was paying for the pill. Punches in the stomach are free!
watson is fucking killing this thread!!
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Me, a woman, a strap-on and my anus. I'll leave it at that.
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when i was 11 i fingered my 17 year old babysitter on a dare while playing truth or dare. i wonder what she use to let dudes her own age do to her...
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long story short, because i'm a moron, i had to pay for her abortion pill.
The only thing moronic about that was paying for the pill. Punches in the stomach are free!
coathangers are cheap as well.
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Me, a woman, a strap-on and my anus. I'll leave it at that.
Dude if you did that, then that's fucking awesome! I can definitely get down with a rimjob or a finger up the butt, but I don't think I could let myself be emasculated like that.
Does that have anything to do with why under your picture it says "Real ass-nigga"?
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Me, a woman, a strap-on and my anus. I'll leave it at that.
Dude if you did that, then that's fucking awesome! I can definitely get down with a rimjob or a finger up the butt, but I don't think I could let myself be emasculated like that.
Does that have anything to do with why under your picture it says "Real ass-nigga"?
I like you. Anybody who is hyped on others for getting fucked in the ass with a strap on is good people.
But anyway... did she get your prostate off?
My friends used to live with this random dude. His girlfriend apparently was all about this. You could hear the reverse fucking from time to time. It sounds odd. You can tell something is a bit off.
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I ain't gettin' into that shit ;D
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Me, a woman, a strap-on and my anus. I'll leave it at that.
Dude if you did that, then that's fucking awesome! I can definitely get down with a rimjob or a finger up the butt, but I don't think I could let myself be emasculated like that.
Does that have anything to do with why under your picture it says "Real ass-nigga"?
I like you too. I think maybe I used to not like you, but I feel we've really bonded over stories of ass fucking. (Whether it be male on female, or female on male.)
I dated a girl for awhile who used to be a dominatrix. She said she never had sex with her clients, and I'm sure she would have told me if she did. But whether she did or not, she was a definite freak off the clock. I asked her once if she had ever fucked anyone in the ass with a strap on. She calmly, as though it were the most obvious answer ever replied "Of course."
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This thread can make any shitty day
10times better..
thank you watson,gipper and everyone else
lmao
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Me, a woman, a strap-on and my anus. I'll leave it at that.
Dude if you did that, then that's fucking awesome! I can definitely get down with a rimjob or a finger up the butt, but I don't think I could let myself be emasculated like that.
Does that have anything to do with why under your picture it says "Real ass-nigga"?
am i the only one that knows youre gay
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I've always wanted to fuck around with a dominatrix type chick. Just once, to see what it's like. No strap on shit, but you know, tied up with the chick alternating whipping my dick with a horse switch and deep throating me or something. Every girl that I thought I would have a chance of that type of shit with always ended up wanting me to dominate her. It's alright I guess, though I inevitably feel uneasy with myself in hindsight thinking about being so rough with a girl, even if she explicitly asked for it.
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I've always wanted to fuck around with a dominatrix type chick. Just once, to see what it's like. No strap on shit, but you know, tied up with the chick alternating whipping my dick with a horse switch and deep throating me or something. Every girl that I thought I would have a chance of that type of shit with always ended up wanting me to dominate her. It's alright I guess, though I inevitably feel uneasy with myself in hindsight thinking about being so rough with a girl, even if she explicitly asked for it.
you're crazy man. dominating a chick is the shit.
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I've always wanted to fuck around with a dominatrix type chick. Just once, to see what it's like. No strap on shit, but you know, tied up with the chick alternating whipping my dick with a horse switch and deep throating me or something. Every girl that I thought I would have a chance of that type of shit with always ended up wanting me to dominate her. It's alright I guess, though I inevitably feel uneasy with myself in hindsight thinking about being so rough with a girl, even if she explicitly asked for it.
Oh yeah, that's the crazy thing. This girl totally was not into dominating. She wanted to get dominated, and she wanted to get dominated hard. After she punched me in the face twice and dumped me, she moved away and I hadn't seen her in over 6 months, and the day after Christmas I was wasted at the bar and I ran into her. We made about 30 seconds of small talk and then started making out and then she literally grabbed my cock and led me out of the bar by my boner. She told me that she was excited because she hadn't had sex in four months and I said "Good because I'm gonna destroy your pussy." We took a cab to my place and when we got into my place she said something like "I see you still never clean up." And I said something like "Shut the fuck up and get your ass in the bedroom", and slapped her on the ass as hard as I could. She didn't even get all her clothes off, and she had one of those hipster scarves on, and after getting on top of her, within a minute, I grabbed that shit twisted it up behind her and pinned her down to the bed, choking her. Her eyes lit up and she managed to gasp out "Hurt me." What preceded was the most sublime, violent hate-sex I've ever experienced. If I never get laid again I can whack off for life living off that one.
But yeah, first time a girl ever asked me to get real rough or choke her, I just couldn't do it. Now I do that with every chick I bone, and every one of them loves it. I even have my own patented bedroom choke-hold.
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But you know, deep down I'm a nice guy with a heart of gold. Sometimes you have to bring them flowers after you violate them horribly.
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I even have my own patented bedroom choke-hold.
If you patent something you have to show how it was made, performed, etc. It is part of the process. So you better divulge this info for the benefit of the rest of us. If you wanted it kept private you would had to have made it a trade secret. That is how it works.
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so watson, you come here often? ;)
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But yeah, first time a girl ever asked me to get real rough or choke her, I just couldn't do it. Now I do that with every chick I bone, and every one of them loves it. I even have my own patented bedroom choke-hold.
dude, exact same thing for me. the first time that happened this chick was like choke me, slap me in the face, punch me in the face! and i was just having trouble holding my hand on her throat to keep her happy. i felt like a pussy.
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Oh see, I dominated the shit out of this chick too. Multiple times. It was great at the time, but in hindsight I feel kind of evil because of how hard it got. She would happily tell me about the headaches she had from pulling her hair so hard so much, and would show me bruises on her ass from slapping her. She loved it.
I got a move with that too. basically, while you go from behind, which everybody knows is the best way to have that sort of sex, you pull her back by her hair to the point where her whole body starts to jerk back, and just when it seems like her weight is off her arms you pull one of them out and slam her face into the pillow and just start railing her as she suffocates. With this girl, it worked very well as an alternative to traditional strangulation. This works particularly well with that doggystyle type position where she is already laying on her belly and your legs are wrapped outside of hers.
Anyway, in the middle of our relationship(yes, this actually developed into a real sweet relationship where if you saw us, you wouldn't think we were gnarly like that...) I found out she had been raped more than once, and now I wonder if I was reinacting certain moments of her trauma or something to make it seem less crazy or something. I guess its ok if that's what she needed to get through it, but I can't help but feel guilty for acting that way toward her, especially since I really liked her.
Its funny too, because the first time she asked, I wasn't uneasy. Now I am, because I guarantee girls don't want it that rough, and I go into autopilot on that sometimes
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fuck thats some gnarly shit. gnard
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This isn't perverted, its just funny. One time me and my buddy are biking around in Toronto last summer. Its hot out and girls are waking around looking hot. So we're biking down the street and there is a pack of 3 hot girls wearing american apparel looking all slutty ahead of us. So my friend takes his bike onto the sidewalk bikes right beside one girl wearing a skirt and slaps her ass really hard as he bikes by.
After we sped away I asked him why he did it and he said that the girl derserved it.
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i dated a stripper a few months back, and she taught me i like being chocked. hard. I know its not THAT perverted, just caught me off guard.
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This chick I hooked up with last night/ this morning, we spit in each other's mouths numerous times. A lot of rimming also went down.
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Me, a woman, a strap-on and my anus. I'll leave it at that.
Dude if you did that, then that's fucking awesome! I can definitely get down with a rimjob or a finger up the butt, but I don't think I could let myself be emasculated like that.
Does that have anything to do with why under your picture it says "Real ass-nigga"?
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This chick I hooked up with last night/ this morning, we spit in each other's mouths numerous times. A lot of rimming also went down.
Wow, the combination of those two things is really dirty. You tasted her shit and your own in a raw way.
i dated a stripper a few months back, and she taught me i like being chocked. hard. I know its not THAT perverted, just caught me off guard.
I want to find a girl like that. They always want me to get raw on them
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Yes! this got bumped lmao
I almost bumped this today while listening to anti- nowhere league
but I didn't want to bring it back, without a story
=X
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TODAYS NEW: Domination, Choking, Rim Jobs, and Strap-ons.
Sideline- Wanted: Boys on bikes slapping girls ass.
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Oh fuck dude. Rim jobs are the fucking best. Giving and receiving. Here's a super special move that you should all try with a well endowed female slut-friend:
The reverse titty fuck rim job. Get her to lay on the bed with her head hanging off the edge of it. Straddle up and plant your asshole on her face. Then slide your dick in those big fat titties and enjoy your trip to heaven.
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Oh fuck dude. Rim jobs are the fucking best. Giving and receiving. Here's a super special move that you should all try with a well endowed female slut-friend:
The reverse titty fuck rim job. Get her to lay on the bed with her head hanging off the edge of it. Straddle up and plant your asshole on her face. Then slide your dick in those big fat titties and enjoy your trip to heaven.
god damn you are the funniest person. i got my first "rimjob" the other night. and gave one. it was a rimjob 69. shit was tight. and i stuck my finger in her ass. in fact, it might be kind of perverted that as i was fingering her ass and pussy, i couldnt help think about how funny it was going to be to tell my friends about giving a girl the shocker, and i smirked to myself.
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Oh fuck dude. Rim jobs are the fucking best. Giving and receiving. Here's a super special move that you should all try with a well endowed female slut-friend:
The reverse titty fuck rim job. Get her to lay on the bed with her head hanging off the edge of it. Straddle up and plant your asshole on her face. Then slide your dick in those big fat titties and enjoy your trip to heaven.
Amazing.
god damn you are the funniest person. i got my first "rimjob" the other night. and gave one. it was a rimjob 69. shit was tight. and i stuck my finger in her ass. in fact, it might be kind of perverted that as i was fingering her ass and pussy, i couldnt help think about how funny it was going to be to tell my friends about giving a girl the shocker, and i smirked to myself.
Fingering a chick's ass is the coolest thing a finger can feel. The fact that it's slightly degrading always adds to the 'turn-on' factor.
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sfahahahaha thats fucking awesome
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Oh fuck dude. Rim jobs are the fucking best. Giving and receiving. Here's a super special move that you should all try with a well endowed female slut-friend:
The reverse titty fuck rim job. Get her to lay on the bed with her head hanging off the edge of it. Straddle up and plant your asshole on her face. Then slide your dick in those big fat titties and enjoy your trip to heaven.
Amazing.
god damn you are the funniest person. i got my first "rimjob" the other night. and gave one. it was a rimjob 69. shit was tight. and i stuck my finger in her ass. in fact, it might be kind of perverted that as i was fingering her ass and pussy, i couldnt help think about how funny it was going to be to tell my friends about giving a girl the shocker, and i smirked to myself.
last summer i was dating this girl who would get super drunk every time we would get together. She was into getting punched in the face and slammed around. PRetty much just basic drunk slut stuff.
One night, we were fucking missionary and she rolled over and put her face in the pillow. I figured that she wanted me to fuck her from the back, but i was pretty tired and lazy so i lay there and kinda just fingered her bum hole. She started cooing, and i started getting into it more, i stuck 2 fingers up there and her bum started gyrating. She isnt saying anything the whole while, just softly cooing and moving a little bit. I then decided that it would be appropriate to stick my dick in her bum hole. So i grabbed the lube, got lubed up, and slid my johnson into her cuzane. It was good for a minute, she was just cooing still, and then she sat up and screamed! "WHAT THE FUCK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. YOU ARE FUCKING ME IN THE ASS WHILE I'M SLEEPING!" I said "you're full of shit and you like it." She told me to leave, but i rolled over and went to bed.
the old dirty pervert just got gnard
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ODP's post was epic. I used to try to pull that shit with my old girl all the time, usually with the same results. I did some bad, terrible, and gross shit with her. Public sex, hitting, rag fucking, and weird shit im not gonna even go into. The city was gripped with fear...dark times.
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ODP's post was epic. I used to try to pull that shit with my old girl all the time, usually with the same results. I did some bad, terrible, and gross shit with her. Public sex, hitting, rag fucking, and weird shit im not gonna even go into. The city was gripped with fear...dark times.
we all went into details....come on!!
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ODP's post was epic. I used to try to pull that shit with my old girl all the time, usually with the same results. I did some bad, terrible, and gross shit with her. Public sex, hitting, rag fucking, and weird shit im not gonna even go into. The city was gripped with fear...dark times.
we all went into details....come on!!
Since I'am feeling generous
The rag fuck was pretty bad. She got off on it real hard... quite horrifyingly sexy in retrospect. Your dick looks like something from a crime scene or graphic autopsy afterwards. Did you know that that shit doesn't look like regular blood either, like in the movies? It's like baby-having blood... all thick and viscus.
We also both got yeast infections after some cross contamination of intestinal/colonic microbes into the inner labia. That shit got real strange...quickly. I don't know about everyone elses experience with yeast infections... but... if you've been there then you know... alot...
I used to gape her ass alot from behind. That sounds awful as I'am writing it...
Let that be a lesson about cross contamination and why cleanliness is a must in those situations.
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That same night that i stuck it in sleeping beauty's buttocks ( her name is alainna aka the vomiting cunt), i was fucking her without a rubber, pulled out to tittie fuck her, because she has magnificent fake tits, and jizzed right in her eye. It was a steady stream of semen, that just kept spunking and spunking and spunking some more, right into her big blue right eye. You know how when you haven't jerked off in a while or if you're fucking a girl for a really long time, when you finally come that shit shoots across the room and hits the framed photo of her deceased great grandmother due to all the testicular tension, well that's what this load was like. Except this time, it didn't hit the photo of her deceased great grandmother, it blinded her. She started screaming "this shit burns!" to this day i wonder if it was extra salty due to the McDonalds fries i ate for supper.
Another time with this same girl. to make a long story short......
her and her sister lived together in a huge apartment.They were both gorgeous irish girls (black hair, blue eyes, creamy skin), drunks, and had slight psychiatric issues (the sister was on seroquil to sleep and alainna had books about eating disorders in her room and she tried to off herself in high school from what she said...). Needless to say, they had a great house to hang at. One night i was in the shower, wassssssssted, and her sister came home from work all wasted herself (she was a bar tender), came into the bathroom, opened the shower curtain and hoped in. She thought i was her sister. When she realized it was me, she grabbed my dick, started tugging on it til it was hard, and got out. She then said to Alainna, " i see why you have so much fun." and went to bed.
Another time, Alainna and i had been fucking all night and got into a fight because i called her Jenny Mae (who i fucked earlier that summer) when i was drunken sleep talking. She left the room and slept on the futon. Her sister, all fucked up on alcohol and seroquil, walked into the room naked, and lay down next to me while i was naked. She rolled over and started rubbing her titties on me (which were nice, but when compared to the fakies, they're nothing), rolled back over and went to sleep. I just lay there not really knowing what to do. Alainna came into the room and started riding me while her sister was there passed out. Shit was pretty dope.
These are enough for tonight. ODP needs to the bank of memories.
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sick
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Ha! Great posts, maybe you shouldn't be posting some of this stuff on the internet though....
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Oh fuck dude. Rim jobs are the fucking best. Giving and receiving. Here's a super special move that you should all try with a well endowed female slut-friend:
The reverse titty fuck rim job. Get her to lay on the bed with her head hanging off the edge of it. Straddle up and plant your asshole on her face. Then slide your dick in those big fat titties and enjoy your trip to heaven.
Amazing.
god damn you are the funniest person. i got my first "rimjob" the other night. and gave one. it was a rimjob 69. shit was tight. and i stuck my finger in her ass. in fact, it might be kind of perverted that as i was fingering her ass and pussy, i couldnt help think about how funny it was going to be to tell my friends about giving a girl the shocker, and i smirked to myself.
last summer i was dating this girl who would get super drunk every time we would get together. She was into getting punched in the face and slammed around. PRetty much just basic drunk slut stuff.
One night, we were fucking missionary and she rolled over and put her face in the pillow. I figured that she wanted me to fuck her from the back, but i was pretty tired and lazy so i lay there and kinda just fingered her bum hole. She started cooing, and i started getting into it more, i stuck 2 fingers up there and her bum started gyrating. She isnt saying anything the whole while, just softly cooing and moving a little bit. I then decided that it would be appropriate to stick my dick in her bum hole. So i grabbed the lube, got lubed up, and slid my johnson into her cuzane. It was good for a minute, she was just cooing still, and then she sat up and screamed! "WHAT THE FUCK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. YOU ARE FUCKING ME IN THE ASS WHILE I'M SLEEPING!" I said "you're full of shit and you like it." She told me to leave, but i rolled over and went to bed.
rape is cool as shit bro
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no pun intended
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this has nothing to do with me, however its fucking hilarious
today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
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That same night that i stuck it in sleeping beauty's buttocks ( her name is alainna aka the vomiting cunt), i was fucking her without a rubber, pulled out to tittie fuck her, because she has magnificent fake tits, and jizzed right in her eye. It was a steady stream of semen, that just kept spunking and spunking and spunking some more, right into her big blue right eye. You know how when you haven't jerked off in a while or if you're fucking a girl for a really long time, when you finally come that shit shoots across the room and hits the framed photo of her deceased great grandmother due to all the testicular tension, well that's what this load was like. Except this time, it didn't hit the photo of her deceased great grandmother, it blinded her. She started screaming "this shit burns!" to this day i wonder if it was extra salty due to the McDonalds fries i ate for supper.
Another time with this same girl. to make a long story short......
her and her sister lived together in a huge apartment.They were both gorgeous irish girls (black hair, blue eyes, creamy skin), drunks, and had slight psychiatric issues (the sister was on seroquil to sleep and alainna had books about eating disorders in her room and she tried to off herself in high school from what she said...). Needless to say, they had a great house to hang at. One night i was in the shower, wassssssssted, and her sister came home from work all wasted herself (she was a bar tender), came into the bathroom, opened the shower curtain and hoped in. She thought i was her sister. When she realized it was me, she grabbed my dick, started tugging on it til it was hard, and got out. She then said to Alainna, " i see why you have so much fun." and went to bed.
Another time, Alainna and i had been fucking all night and got into a fight because i called her Jenny Mae (who i fucked earlier that summer) when i was drunken sleep talking. She left the room and slept on the futon. Her sister, all fucked up on alcohol and seroquil, walked into the room naked, and lay down next to me while i was naked. She rolled over and started rubbing her titties on me (which were nice, but when compared to the fakies, they're nothing), rolled back over and went to sleep. I just lay there not really knowing what to do. Alainna came into the room and started riding me while her sister was there passed out. Shit was pretty dope.
These are enough for tonight. ODP needs to the bank of memories.
dude, these stories were awesome. the bolded part was hilarious. i died when i read that.
and i'm a pal now. yay!!!
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this doesnt involved me, but I wish it did.
my friend was having some sex with his ex GF one evening, and they were always into some freaky shit, lots of pissing and assorted shit, she is a littel hot slut.
anyways, he tells me they got back from the bar, and he takes a piss infront of her, and she reminds him of how much she liked it when he pissed on her, and he says..."well,, i don't have to piss anymore"
dude, straight up, took a dump on her ex GFs chest.
he told me she texted him while sh was driving home "lets never speak of that again"
I life gnar'd him for that one.
I'm not that exciting, and don't want to share any of my moments.
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this doesnt involved me, but I wish it did.
my friend was having some sex with his ex GF one evening, and they were always into some freaky shit, lots of pissing and assorted shit, she is a littel hot slut.
anyways, he tells me they got back from the bar, and he takes a piss infront of her, and she reminds him of how much she liked it when he pissed on her, and he says..."well,, i don't have to piss anymore"
dude, straight up, took a dump on her ex GFs chest.
he told me she texted him while sh was driving home "lets never speak of that again"
I life gnar'd him for that one.
I'm not that exciting, and don't want to share any of my moments.
i dont think i could ever get drunk enough to want to shit on a girl. or for a girl to shit on me. id probably let a chick piss on me, in the shower. actually, i have let a chick piss on me in the shower.
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this doesnt involved me, but I wish it did.
my friend was having some sex with his ex GF one evening, and they were always into some freaky shit, lots of pissing and assorted shit, she is a littel hot slut.
anyways, he tells me they got back from the bar, and he takes a piss infront of her, and she reminds him of how much she liked it when he pissed on her, and he says..."well,, i don't have to piss anymore"
dude, straight up, took a dump on her ex GFs chest.
he told me she texted him while sh was driving home "lets never speak of that again"
I life gnar'd him for that one.
I'm not that exciting, and don't want to share any of my moments.
You know damn well that this story is about you.
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sfa, I knew you would think that.
I swear, if it was me, I'd admit it.
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Oh fuck dude. Rim jobs are the fucking best. Giving and receiving. Here's a super special move that you should all try with a well endowed female slut-friend:
The reverse titty fuck rim job. Get her to lay on the bed with her head hanging off the edge of it. Straddle up and plant your asshole on her face. Then slide your dick in those big fat titties and enjoy your trip to heaven.
Amazing.
god damn you are the funniest person. i got my first "rimjob" the other night. and gave one. it was a rimjob 69. shit was tight. and i stuck my finger in her ass. in fact, it might be kind of perverted that as i was fingering her ass and pussy, i couldnt help think about how funny it was going to be to tell my friends about giving a girl the shocker, and i smirked to myself.
last summer i was dating this girl who would get super drunk every time we would get together. She was into getting punched in the face and slammed around. PRetty much just basic drunk slut stuff.
One night, we were fucking missionary and she rolled over and put her face in the pillow. I figured that she wanted me to fuck her from the back, but i was pretty tired and lazy so i lay there and kinda just fingered her bum hole. She started cooing, and i started getting into it more, i stuck 2 fingers up there and her bum started gyrating. She isnt saying anything the whole while, just softly cooing and moving a little bit. I then decided that it would be appropriate to stick my dick in her bum hole. So i grabbed the lube, got lubed up, and slid my johnson into her cuzane. It was good for a minute, she was just cooing still, and then she sat up and screamed! "WHAT THE FUCK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. YOU ARE FUCKING ME IN THE ASS WHILE I'M SLEEPING!" I said "you're full of shit and you like it." She told me to leave, but i rolled over and went to bed.
if it was rape i would've kept going, dickhead.
Also, she's the kind of girl who would enjoy the anal, and then to fuck with me (like i say later, she has some head problems....and a masters in psych!) make me stop and try to make me feel bad so that she could feel superior.
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this has nothing to do with me, however its fucking hilarious
today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
haha this one too
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read “because you can't find a real girl I made your current one prettier, Love Mom.” FML
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this has nothing to do with me, however its fucking hilarious
today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
haha this one too
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read “because you can't find a real girl I made your current one prettier, Love Mom.” FML
I think that's perverted on your mom's side. I hope to never speak or make reference to my child's cum.
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this has nothing to do with me, however its fucking hilarious
today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
haha this one too
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read “because you can't find a real girl I made your current one prettier, Love Mom.” FML
She doesn't even come close to the mom that jerked off her son's candy cane shaped dick to try and better his self esteem.
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You've sparked the old memories...
So my eX is on the bed Ive got the member in his face, she's on her back. I'm standing on the edge of the bed bent over her.
unit in her mouth. working her lower half with both hands and my tongue a vibererererator. All good till Im about to jakalope,
so I don't give her time to breathe cause Im about to guh guh guh ,
she is into it so she doesn't push me away...
...I nearly asfixiated (sp) her! I mean she had to sit there for a while and get herself together, after.
She got a headache from the lack of oxygen or just cause she was a head case.
Then there was the time I lost a grape in there. Took me a few minutes to get that thing extracted.
Talk about playing doctor.
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You've sparked the old memories...
So my eX is on the bed Ive got the member in his face, she's on her back. I'm standing on the edge of the bed bent over her.
unit in her mouth. working her lower half with both hands and my tongue a vibererererator. All good till Im about to jakalope,
so I don't give her time to breathe cause Im about to guh guh guh ,
she is into it so she doesn't push me away...
...I nearly asfixiated (sp) her! I mean she had to sit there for a while and get herself together, after.
She got a headache from the lack of oxygen or just cause she was a head case.
Then there was the time I lost a grape in there. Took me a few minutes to get that thing extracted.
Talk about playing doctor.
what does this mean
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You've sparked the old memories...
So my eX is on the bed Ive got the member in his face, she's on her back. I'm standing on the edge of the bed bent over her.
unit in her mouth. working her lower half with both hands and my tongue a vibererererator.
Yeah what the fuck is this all about? She's on her back and you got your member in his face?
And if you're standing on the edge of the bed, how are you using your tongue as a vibererererator?
This guy knows nothing about sex and and has a deep desire for she-male fucking.
Respect.
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You've sparked the old memories...
So my eX is on the bed Ive got the member in his face, she's on her back. I'm standing on the edge of the bed bent over her.
unit in her mouth. working her lower half with both hands and my tongue a vibererererator.
Yeah what the fuck is this all about? She's on her back and you got your member in his face?
And if you're standing on the edge of the bed, how are you using your tongue as a vibererererator?
This guy knows nothing about sex and and has a deep desire for she-male fucking.
Respect.
I think he means
She has her feet on the ground, with her back bend over the bed, and hes laying on the bed with his junk in her mouth and hes hanging down fooling around
haahah
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not really perverted, but i lost a condom inside of a girl a little while ago. It disappeared, and we didn't think anything of it. just got another one and kept at it. about 5 days later, the chick comes to me and says her body just rejected a condom. she played it off, but i don't think she was very happy about it. i was demoted to the "friend-zone" soon after.
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not really perverted, but i lost a condom inside of a girl a little while ago. It disappeared, and we didn't think anything of it. just got another one and kept at it. about 5 days later, the chick comes to me and says her body just rejected a condom. she played it off, but i don't think she was very happy about it. i was demoted to the "friend-zone" soon after.
My old roommate found out I was fucking his ex-girlfriend that way. He walked in on us, with me inside of her, and I freaked out, and lost my boner. The moment was ruined, I pulled out, and there was no condom. She runs through the house in a towel and pulls the condom out in the bathroom. My roommate asks whats up, and she tells him she lost a condom. He freaks out and starts screaming GROSSSSSS!!!! After that our shit wasn't a secret anymore. That dude was such a prick though, we shared a room, and he used to come in wasted and hook up with girls in front of me, even though we had rules about that, and I always respected them. I was actually hyped he had to deal with it. This was the super gnarly girl I used to suffocate in a pillow while fucking btw.
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im about to fucikin puill this bitches hair im drunk and shjes coming over
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I'm interested in the logistics of the poo story. So after you pooed on her did you have sex with the stinky poo still steaming on her chest? Or do you make a toilet paper glove and pick the poo up off her, put it in the toilet, and then have sex? Or did you poo on her in the shower, stomp the log down the drain, and then bone?
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I'm guessing he just shat on her chest, pulled his jeans up and then went home.
You'd have to be on some other level of manliness to get the girl to corn you afterwards.
But if she wasn't so keen on the shit dripping tits, the taste on the tongue wouldn't get her going either.
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im about to fucikin puill this bitches hair im drunk and shjes coming over
hell yeah!
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im about to fucikin puill this bitches hair im drunk and shjes coming over
fuck yea, it worked out. i pulled her hair a bunch. nothing extra perverted though. what do you guys think about fucking chicks with boyfriends who they obviously dont like? i feel shitty about doing it, but i cant say it hasnt happened. kind of makes trusting a girl seem scary.
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im about to fucikin puill this bitches hair im drunk and shjes coming over
fuck yea, it worked out. i pulled her hair a bunch. nothing extra perverted though. what do you guys think about fucking chicks with boyfriends who they obviously dont like? i feel shitty about doing it, but i cant say it hasnt happened. kind of makes trusting a girl seem scary.
It's only ok if you hate both of them. I obviously wouldn't want to date a girl I hate, but I'd fuck her to ruin her relationship, especially if she was hot.
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My senior year of high school, I fucked my arch enemies virgin girl friend the night before prom, prom night, and the night after prom. She was a stupid bitch but was half-asian and had huge titties and a tight pussy. Whenever I'm feeling down I just think about how awesome it was.
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Ass to mouth and held a knife to a chicks throat (her knife which was in a sheath next to her bed), nothing too gnarly.
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My senior year of high school, I fucked my arch enemies virgin girl friend the night before prom, prom night, and the night after prom. She was a stupid bitch but was half-asian and had huge titties and a tight pussy. Whenever I'm feeling down I just think about how awesome it was.
now this is amazing
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im about to fucikin puill this bitches hair im drunk and shjes coming over
fuck yea, it worked out. i pulled her hair a bunch. nothing extra perverted though. what do you guys think about fucking chicks with boyfriends who they obviously dont like? i feel shitty about doing it, but i cant say it hasnt happened. kind of makes trusting a girl seem scary.
why would you trust a girl to begin with?
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Holy fuck that's insane. Throwing your girlfriend's fake leg is ruthless.
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I was at this really huge acreage party once hanging out with my friend and her sister. Both of them are really hot, my friend doesn't have very big boobs, but they are really nice. Point of that is, I always make jokes with her talking about her "giant juggs" even though they're not very big. So like I said I was standing there with the sisters, and they were facing eachother, and I was standing in the middle of them to the side. For some reason they started pushing out their chests and I was like "Holy shit, slow down you big titted sluts", or something like that. They laughed about it and asked me who's boobs were bigger and I told them "Well I can't really tell by looking. I'd have to have a good feel." They just looked at eachother and sort of shrugged and laughed, so I very cautiously reached out and grabbed one of each of their breasts, and squeezed them for a little bit. So there I was, standing between two sisters, feeling up one of each of their tits at the same time.
Definitely not the most perverted thing I've ever done, but for sure one of those moments where you think to yourself "Okay, life's not so bad. I can wait until tomorrow to kill myself."
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My senior year of high school, I fucked my arch enemies virgin girl friend the night before prom, prom night, and the night after prom. She was a stupid bitch but was half-asian and had huge titties and a tight pussy. Whenever I'm feeling down I just think about how awesome it was.
you are my god duuuuude ;D
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I had a homie who was with the one legged chick, and in the middle of an arguement he threw her fake leg outside and she had to hop after it while screaming at him. My laying on the floor laughing didn't help.
Epic. That seems like some shit you would see in a movie.
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Haha, you guys are some savage fuckers! This is amazing.
My sex life is so fucking tame when compared to all the shit in this thread.
:D
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gang bang an ex gf in the woods by my house when i was 17, but that def. isn't the most perverted thing i've done.
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but that def. isn't the most perverted thing i've done.
sounds like you're in the wrong thread
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gang bang an ex gf in the woods by my house when i was 17, but that def. isn't the most perverted thing i've done.
elaborate here now....or in real confessions NOW!
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I was at this really huge acreage party once hanging out with my friend and her sister. Both of them are really hot, my friend doesn't have very big boobs, but they are really nice. Point of that is, I always make jokes with her talking about her "giant juggs" even though they're not very big. So like I said I was standing there with the sisters, and they were facing eachother, and I was standing in the middle of them to the side. For some reason they started pushing out their chests and I was like "Holy shit, slow down you big titted sluts", or something like that. They laughed about it and asked me who's boobs were bigger and I told them "Well I can't really tell by looking. I'd have to have a good feel." They just looked at eachother and sort of shrugged and laughed, so I very cautiously reached out and grabbed one of each of their breasts, and squeezed them for a little bit. So there I was, standing between two sisters, feeling up one of each of their tits at the same time.
Definitely not the most perverted thing I've ever done, but for sure one of those moments where you think to yourself "Okay, life's not so bad. I can wait until tomorrow to kill myself."
life is good.
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Definitely not the most perverted thing I've ever done, but for sure one of those moments where you think to yourself "Okay, life's not so bad. I can wait until tomorrow to kill myself."
me and my buddy zach bailed out on some friends to go hang at this girls apartment. one of the kids is the girls exboyfriend.anyways we go in and i get thrown to the bed by two girls and there i am making out with two girls, toughing their butts, touching their boobs, etc. in front of everyone. it was far from perverted, but i did have one of those "i've lived my life. if i die tomorrow i'm cool with it" moments
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this one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy ;D