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General Discussion => WHATEVER => Topic started by: DaSk8D00D on February 27, 2012, 12:09:53 AM
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I'll start it off. Aside from my various farting in class while napping incidents there's one moment in my mind that truly stands out. When I was in about 4th or 5th grade i discovered the joys of fapping for the first time and really started to get into it. I began using some random lotion i found in my household bathroom. after a week or so i started to develop these weird, brown streaks on the top of my palms and the skin between my fingers. at first i thought it was dirt but it still was there after showering. the next day i mentioned it to my mom & my grandpa cuz i curious as to what it could be. my mom said that it looked similar to what happens to skin when you use too much tanning lotion. when asked about using it i said i only put it on my legs once because they were ashy, but where i fucked up with that lie was that the streaks were only on my right hand. my grandpa immediately burst out laughing and could hardly contain himself. in the knick of time my grandma called for dinner and we all got up and left the room. my grandpa stayed behind my mom and looked back at me, still chuckling hard as hell, and said "You were rubbing lotion on your dick!" and left the room laughing. Never in my young life had i ever felt so salty, and even to this day ive had a few incidents in front of large groups of people that never left me so humilated. That shit had me shook for like 3 days lol.
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aw shit just remembered another good one. there was this skate-church thing goin on in my city for a while 4-5 years ago where they had a ton of ramps indoors for a 2 hour skate session, some youth-group shit, then a little more skating for an hour or two. anyway a friend and i had gotten there early while they were setting and some of the teen-mentor chicks were pretty fuckin hot. anyway they happened to be cruisin around on one of those cheap ass wal-mart skateboard-that-turns-into-a-scooter things. they set it down and while waiting for everyone else to show up we started fuckin around on it. after being impressed by some bunny hops i happened to ride by her and we locked eyes on some disney channel romance scene type shit. right after giving her some cheesy 13 year old "playa" smile the kingpin on trucks of the scooterboard thing fell off and i just got whipped to the ground and fell face first. not on some petty shit either it was a fairly painful fall. after asking if i was ok everybody started laughing and went back to work. i sat in my 5 minutes of shame until all of the other skaters showed up and tried to forget about it.
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I was skating home from the skate park and saw a group of at least 5 fine ass bitches chillin at a picnic table at a park, I popped a smooth ass ollie off the curb to impress them and ended up landing in oil and skidding and slamming on my arm, I heard the group of honey dips laughing their asses off and I picked up my board and bounced as fast I could. I cried
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First thing that came to mind was those 8th grade years, being the new kid and all. I had a massive in-class fart, trying to hold that shit in. I thought it was gone after a little bit but I ended up bending over to get my books.. and of course that thing came out full blast. I ended up getting the nickname fart boy for the next 2 or 3 months.
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First thing that came to mind was those 8th grade years, being the new kid and all. I had a massive in-class fart, trying to hold that shit in. I thought it was gone after a little bit but I ended up bending over to get my books.. and of course that thing came out full blast. I ended up getting the nickname fart boy for the next 2 or 3 months.
BANTAM YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!
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First thing that came to mind was those 8th grade years, being the new kid and all. I had a massive in-class fart, trying to hold that shit in. I thought it was gone after a little bit but I ended up bending over to get my books.. and of course that thing came out full blast. I ended up getting the nickname fart boy for the next 2 or 3 months.
BANTAM YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!
Hahahah damn good start to my morning
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i love you, bantam.
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when i was in 1st grade i used to leave class all the time so i could play gameboy in the bathroom. well one day i had done this once already, when i realized that i actually needed to take a shit. i asked my teacher, who at this point had caught onto me, and she wouldnt let me go cause i had already gone like 20 minutes before. well i held it in for what seemed like forever, but eventually it was just too much. i shit all in my pants. i immediately got up, and ran out of the room. on the way out my teacher yelled where are you going, i just said BATHROOM, and ran out, probably on the verge of tears. i got into the bathroom and spent like half an hour in there trying to wipe diahrea out of the fibers on my sweatpants (which is all i wore back then) to no avail. at one point, a bunch of kids were in the bathroom fucking around, and they noticed i had been in there for like 15 minutes. they started banging on the door and yelling and laughing and shit. i was so fucking bummed.
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when i was in 1st grade i used to leave class all the time so i could play gameboy in the bathroom. well one day i had done this once already, when i realized that i actually needed to take a shit. i asked my teacher, who at this point had caught onto me, and she wouldnt let me go cause i had already gone like 20 minutes before. well i held it in for what seemed like forever, but eventually it was just too much. i shit all in my pants. i immediately got up, and ran out of the room. on the way out my teacher yelled where are you going, i just said BATHROOM, and ran out, probably on the verge of tears. i got into the bathroom and spent like half an hour in there trying to wipe diahrea out of the fibers on my sweatpants (which is all i wore back then) to no avail. at one point, a bunch of kids were in the bathroom fucking around, and they noticed i had been in there for like 15 minutes. they started banging on the door and yelling and laughing and shit. i was so fucking bummed.
fuck I hated elementary school.
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when i was in 1st grade i used to leave class all the time so i could play gameboy in the bathroom. well one day i had done this once already, when i realized that i actually needed to take a shit. i asked my teacher, who at this point had caught onto me, and she wouldnt let me go cause i had already gone like 20 minutes before. well i held it in for what seemed like forever, but eventually it was just too much. i shit all in my pants. i immediately got up, and ran out of the room. on the way out my teacher yelled where are you going, i just said BATHROOM, and ran out, probably on the verge of tears. i got into the bathroom and spent like half an hour in there trying to wipe diahrea out of the fibers on my sweatpants (which is all i wore back then) to no avail. at one point, a bunch of kids were in the bathroom fucking around, and they noticed i had been in there for like 15 minutes. they started banging on the door and yelling and laughing and shit. i was so fucking bummed.
oh god, that's terrible
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Dude, in fucking sweatpants? What did you do? I would have waited for classes to be in and just left and walked home.
whatever happened after that i dont remember i just assume i am repressing it.
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i got a similar bathroom story. I was a sophomore in high school and i had to take a shit. It was the middle of the day, and I felt awful. I shoulda just skipped and went home but I decided to go at school for some reason. I walked up to the third floor so nobody could hear me, and as I'm sitting in the stall like 10 noisy ass motherfuckers come in. And in my head I'm just like Oh shit. So I dont make a noise hoping they dont know I'm in there.
Then a few minutes go by and nobodys using the bathroom they're just like hanging out and shit, and I feel fucked cause I can't just leave after 5 minutes of pretending im not in there without losing my dignity. So i wait some more, and a couple guys kept walking in and out, and I was like WTF will you fools ever leave? Then I hear loud banging noises, and I hear them start fighting, like a secret bathroom fight club or some shit. Im thinking how in the fuck is nobody hearing 10 people yelling and fighting and shit? While they were taking turns fighting someone had to use the bathroom and he comes up to the only occupied stall ( me). He tries to open it and Im just sitting there in shock, mentally preparing myself for public humiliation. he starts punching the door and goes " What the fuck, someones in here" and someone else goes " Has he been in here this whole time?" So they all start to leave while kicking on my stall door and talking shit about me.
I still cringe thinking about it.
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so most of these are about shitting your pants?
in 1st or 2nd grade, the class took a trip to the public pool once. we all changed at school, left our clothes there. when we got back and we were changing back into our clothes, i couldn't find my underwear, was looking everywhere. then this one kid, the bully-type, held them up, and they had a little skid mark in them. i tried to say they were my sister's underwear that i had borrowed for some reason, but everyone knew. laughing. tears choked back. a hatred that would burn eternally.
Haha nice save...
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My parents found an empty box of cough medicine pills under my dresser in high school. That was pretty embarrassing...
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we went to the zoo when I was in 1st grade, I fell completely into pig shit. I do not remember much after that but I know I cried
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between kindergarden and 2nd grade, i pissed my pants numerous times.
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In seventh grade I told this kid to "shut the fuck up for once" in class and was verbally berated in the hallway by the teacher. I guess it's not that embarrassing but I think if I do a little more explaining you'll understand why I was embarrassed.
This kid was in a special program for kids with behavioral disorders. He was generally a trouble maker but he often got made fun of by other kids. So he wasn't your typical thirteen year old asshole, he was also the butt of thirteen year old asshole's jokes. Anyways, he wasn't a good kid. So this kid keeps telling me to "shut up" in class even though I'm not saying anything, trying to be funny. So after about the fifteenth time I finally yell out "shut the fuck up for once". The teacher brings me out in the hallway and tells me that I should be ashamed of myself. She tells me that I'm the reason he'll be a future drop out and go absolutely no where in life. All because of my "antagonism". She told me that I was the reason for essentially every problem he's ever had. And this is embarrassing because I couldn't work up the courage to tell this dumb cunt off. I just sat there and took it. This kid was clearly distracting my whole side of the classroom from hearing what she was saying and just being a complete pain in the ass for no reason. This kid obviously didn't belong in our class, he belong in one of those watered down behavioral disorder class rooms.
I'll never forget that day. Still to this day I want to go back there and tell that bitch off.
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Who wants to hear the story about how I was jumped by a kid with Downs and then I laughed at him when he almost drowned?!
my god, even the description of that incident is fucking hilarious.
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The good ol' beating off as a prepubescent and having my mom walk in mid jerk. She shut the door and went straight back to bed and I just sat there with my now flaccid dick in hand with no idea what the fuck was going on
(http://alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/png/disgusted-oh-god-why.png)
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Fewer stories about regular kids and more stories about hilarious public humiliation, please.
When I was in middle/high school I whacked off a lot. Anyway, one winter evening, like many before it, I found a quasi-risque sounding movie on HBO, waited for boobs, and started jerking. I know you're thinking, "Are you some kind of caveman, Bobby Peru? Didn't you have the internet?" I did, but it was in the basement, where my dad and his friend were on the computer, and I was on the main floor. Now usually I can hear when someone is coming upstairs, giving me plenty of time time to zip up, but that day I kept on whacking and reached climax when I heard steps just a few feet behind me. My dad's (female) friend, who I had known for years and whose child I had played many games of peek-a-boo with, passed the corner where the couch is, grabbed something she left near the TV, quietly said, "bye," and left, all whilst semen volcanoed over my hand. I have no idea what she saw, but I imagine it was at least a little of what I just described. Like a saint, she never said anything about it on future visits.
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i guess the kid peed in the pool while having his seizure, so the joke was on you.
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Maybe we should make a "what's the dumbest shit you've whacked off to?" thread.
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Maybe we should make a "what's the dumbest shit you've whacked off to?" thread.
A comic book when I was in pre-season.
EDIT:
I also know a dude who's first time was to the movie Who Framed Roger Rabbit?.
I mean Jessica Rabbit, why not? unless homeboy was like 17+
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haha these are pretty good. i feel like i may have told this, but im going for it anyway.
unfortunately this happened when i was 21 or 22 and not in grade school. this has a pretty big back story, so i apologize in advance.
one of my old roommates got pretty nuts when he drank(reference, i saw him walk barefoot through fire out of spite because some guy claimed it then backed down. he also was in a coma for months after getting hit by a car whilst walking home wasted) anyway, i get home from work at about 8pm on friday and him and my other roommate are noticeably wasted already. i look on the table and they had polished off most of a 60 of whiskey, mystery solved. i joined them drinking and we were getting rowdy for no real reason, i remember we broke a few chairs that night. me and nick(the non fire walking roommate) were having a smoke outside our door about to head to a friends party. our other roommate comes pushing past us with his bike saying hes going to the theater to meet his girlfriend. the guy can barely walk, let alone bike, so were telling him he's going to get hit by a car and he should take a cab or walk. he refuses, and starts pushing his bike into all of these people outside of the bar we lived above and bikes away.
several hours later were at the party and nick gets a call from him saying that he was hit by a car. he has kind of a dark sense of humor was extremely nonchalant about the whole thing, so we werent entirely sure if he was fucking with us or not. when i get home hes on the couch watching tv and drinking, he looked fine so i figured he was fucking us. i say whats up to him and he turns to me and the whole left side of his face is fucked. i offered to bandage it up and he refuses, but he was pretty out of it so i did it anyway.
the next day im extremely hungover by myself at home, sort of getting back to life. decide to watch some pr0ns in my room and try to beat out the remaining hangover. we always had lots of people coming and going and living above a bar had made me ignore usual noises that you would investigate in your house. im going at it when i hear footsteps in the living room, but figure its one of my roommates. 2 seconds later my door flings open and its my roommates dad demanding to know where his son is. i guess he somehow heard about the accident. i cant remember if i answered his question or if he just fled, the whole thing happened quick though. it was embarrassing, but even at the time i kinda appreciated how ridiculous and funny it was. dude should have knocked
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This is, without a doubt, the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me:
When I was 18 I was living in Berlin and western Europe just happened to be having one of the hottest summers on record. It was an absolutely gorgeous day so I decided I would take a book and a blanket to Tiergarten (Berlin's central/main park). Now I must mention that I was living there without a job and because money was tight I didn't own a subway pass. So it was about a half hour walk through some pretty heavy Turkish neighborhoods to get to Tiergarten. On my way I decided to stop at a grocery store and pick up some beer. The grocery store had signs near the entrance of specials they were having that day and, because it was so hot, ice cream bars were all on special. So I bought some beer and ice cream and proceeded on my way to the park. I got to the park, settled on a nice place in the sun and began to read my book while drinking my beer and eating ice cream. After about 45 minutes, I had finished my ice cream and I had drank about 4 beers. Soon i notice that I'm farting the most rancid smelling farts. I dont think much of it and continue to read. But the rancid and ungodly smelling farts persist. Still i think nothing of it. I start to feel a really big fart coming. I go to let it out and instantly realize it isn't a fart but explosive diarea. The beer and ice cream had ample time to churn together in my stomach to create this explosive diarea (yes, I know now not to ever mix alcohol and dairy). I am nowhere near a bathroom, not even close. I quickly pack my things up into my bag as I feel I probably only have a minute to find some place to release my bowels. I start awkwardly running towards a forested area of the park with my butt cheeks clinched together. Just as I enter into the trees and am about to rip my pants down to shit, i notice some british guy like 10 feet away from me taking a piss and holding up a beer: "hey mate, beautiful day isn't it?". I curse his existence and get myself back on the path to find another spot to shit. At this point i can feel leakage. I've lost the battle. Im standing in the middle of the path while joggers and cyclists go by me. They have no idea I'm just standing there letting diarea pour out of my asshole and into my boxers. I stand there a moment, completely in disbelief of my situation. What the fuck am i going to do, i ask myself. I can start to feel it running down the backs on my legs, getting closer to my socks. I walk straight into a wooded area. I can still see people jogging but I dont give a fuck. I pull my pants and underwear down. The damage is so bad that my balls are completely soaked in diarea. My ass and the inside of my legs are completely covered. I take my shoes and socks off, take my pooped soaked pants and boxers off, take my blanket out of my bag, fashion it into a kind of skirt around my waste, take my belt out my pants and tie it snugly around the skirt/blanket, put my shoes back on and proceed to walk back home through the Turkish neighborhoods with this fucking skirt on. I got some really weird looks from people and, if anyone would inspected me more carefully, they have seen dried poop down the sides of my legs. After only about 5 minutes of walking though, my asshole started to burn from the chaffing and the insane heat from the sun. By the time I was about a block away from my apartment I could barely walk because my asshole was torn apart by chaffing. Luckily my roommate wasn't home. I got inside my apartment and went straight to the bath tub, turned it, spread my ass cheeks and let the warm water bidet my asshole. Remember the scene from The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo when she gets in the shower and blood pours out of her asshole? Ya, it was like that. I spent the next 3 days in bed, applying cream to my asshole every hour.
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Excellent, excellent story. Wow. Fuck that!
I've never told this story to anyone. I told my roommate in Berlin that i was feeling ill as an excuse for my decimated asshole and dignity. What better place to tell it for the first time than SLAP!
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Excellent, excellent story. Wow. Fuck that!
I've never told this story to anyone. I told my roommate in Berlin that i was feeling ill as an excuse for my decimated asshole and dignity. What better place to tell it for the first time than SLAP!
SLAP's the only place where you can turn your most personal, humiliating moments into some form of respect. i salute you & yo shitty draws.
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Fuck, my stories aren't shit compared to y'alls.
My best friend threw up on me in Kindergarten. I split my pants trying to imitate Johnny Cage's split in Mortal Kombat, had to get these tight shorts from the Lost and Found to replace my other shorts. Sneeze/farted combo in 8th grade, which the kid who skateboarded and was all about Mike Vallely called me out in front of the whole class, they had to open up the window because it was so bad. I got the last laugh, the kid now is into MMA. High School was pretty bad, fell in front of 1200 students in the courtyard, our courtyard has those 6" by 6" tiles and they are all sorts of fucked up, so some stick up more than others, I've seen five other kids fall over the same tiles over the school year, I guess that day happened to be my day, Busted my ass, looked up and it was quite as fuck and everybody was looking at me. Also, same year, tried to slide down this kinked rail leading into the auditorium with my Kerry Getz Clive Bookbag filled with books and homework, made it down the first part of the rail, got halfway down and the weight of my bookbag threw me off and powerbombed me into the steps in front of the majority of the JV cheerleading squad.
Again, not as embarrassing as y'alls.
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I was skating a mini ramp with my friend at the same time. My friend,who is substantially larger than me, slammed into me,which knocked me unconciouss. I laid on the mini ramp blacked out for a few minutes with the entire skatepark laughing.
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In the third grade, this super hot hawaiian TA had organized a school outing to the public library which was about a mile from our school. She thought it would be cute or something to make couples out of the kids who were taking the trip, and I ended up being paired with this chick I was crushing hard on at the time. I had woke up really congested that day and being an 8 year old dipshit, I never felt like I needed to blow my nose. So half the day goes by, and me probably being nasally and booger infested, this chick goes 'can you blow your nose?'. I comply, and look into that napkin to find a fucking dead spider!! That shit had been in there all day!! She sees this monster and starts screaming!! Everyone comes over to see whats going on and slowly the "Whaaa....James had a spider in his nose!!''...."What!? A spider?... Ahhh...Ewww" starts going around until I was completely humiliated by every single person on the trip. I was in shock and a deep, cringing, unwavering pain was instilled in a young boy.
P.S. The summer after high school, I came to fuck that chick. A small victory.
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you couldve totally rubbed that in her face by being like "what the fuck i just saw a spider come out of your pussy!!!" and then act like youre looking for it
as for me im trying to remember something really embarrassing... i cant seem to think of much other than like peeing in my pants when i was in kindergarten
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Excellent, excellent story. Wow. Fuck that!
I've never told this story to anyone. I told my roommate in Berlin that i was feeling ill as an excuse for my decimated asshole and dignity. What better place to tell it for the first time than SLAP!
SLAP's the only place where you can turn your most personal, humiliating moments into some form of respect. i salute you & yo shitty draws.
Thank you, good sir. It was your story about the tanning lotion that inspired me to tell mine. Real talk.
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Its not that bad compared to you guys', but when I was 14 I got my hair cut, and stole my brothers ID so I could get a tattoo on my forearm that said "freak on a leash-korn". Its embarassing but they're still my favorite band ever so its okay.
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This isn't so embarrassing as it was a mixture of terrifying and retrospectively hilarious, but the abundance of regular kid stories in the thread warrants my telling:
It was after football practice in 7th grade, and me and my buddy Josh are leaving the locker room after changing back into our civilian clothes. He tells me he has some weed. I call what I think is his bluff, and after a couple minutes of arguing, Josh directs me to the Band hall/ Special Ed. bathroom (last one before our campus exit). We congregate under the fluorescent sink lights of the boys restroom and Josh procures the weakest gram of "dro" I've seen to this day. It could have been fucking oregano. I hadn't smoked weed prior to the incident, and yet I had a hunch this was just grass from the fucking football field. Before I have the opportunity to comment on my friend's whack dosha situation I hear the stall door slam the fuck open. My friend josh and I turn around to see the most "person strength" special ed kid you could imagine, pants around ankles, standing in the doorway, seemingly seething with anger. The first and only thing he says (screams) is: "AHHHHH! IMA BITE YA' WIENER!" He charges and pins my friend Josh up against the tile in between the two urinals. The weed falls on the floor and I panic and somewhat instinctively push this regular kid (luckily, as stated earlier, it was football season, so I was able to knock this supersubhuman off his center of gravity) off my friend and into the outer stall wall. We sprint out of the bathroom and just hear this special kid fucking bellowing from inside the cavernous depths as we exit the building. We ran two or three miles to Josh's apartment and I swear that tense "being chased" feeling didn't leave me until we were safely within the complex.
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I don't think this was truly embarrassing at the time but If I got caught it sure as hell would, anyways I was in elementary school eating lunch in the cafeteria. I had some pants on and felt something in my lower leg area, I pull it out just to see what it was. What I thought was going to be a sock turned out to be a pair of whitey-tighties.. so I throw it under the table with the hopes of no one noticing. Eventually someone at the table does and tells the rest of the 10-15 others at my table, everyone does the usual "Ewww" and "Gross who's is this?!". Luckily I kept a stone face the whole time and got away clean but I know I was really dying on the inside.
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Gnars for everyone!!
when i was about 15 i was at a party with some friends. the common procedure for parties around then was that we would chill in a group which would slowly disintegrate as girls lead us away. anyway i managed to get with this prety hot girl, just french kissing and shit, then she says out of nowhere "hey, wanna fuck in my neighbours hot-tub?" my first reaction was "FUCK YEAH" but then i thought, "are they home" she reassured that they were on holiday and wouldnt be back for another 3 days. so we leave the party (while im making crude humping movements at my friends to boast i was getting my willy wet.
We get a taxi to her house and walk about 50 meters down the road to her neighbours. jump over their side fence to get into their back garden. bieng the smooth player i am i said "soooo how we gonna do this" she just started ripping my clothes off, so i reciprocated. prety soon we were in the hot-tub and shes bouncing up and down on my cock like a jackhammer. next thing i know the back doors swing open and an angry voice shouts "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE". she quickly jumps off me, out of the tub and shouts "grab my clothes!!!" before hopping over the fence, i get out and wanted to just leg it after her but thought, no i should collect all our stuff, afterall i cant get home without my wallet.
So for what felt like an eternity i was standing in this guys garden naked with a throb-on crouching over trying to collect all my clothes aswell as this girls clothes, which were just spread all over the place. to make things worse while i was collecting the clothes the owner of the house (looked about 50-60ish year old man) was standing over me whipping my back with a stick while shouting stuff like "you should be ashamed of yourself, what the fuck is wrong with kids these days etc. etc."
Finally, ive got all the clothes and start running away from him just repeating "sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry" i throw all the clothes over the fence, hop over to find the chick standing there waiting for me in a ball on the floor as to cover her minge and tittays.
she says "lets go back to mine." and that is how the story ends, both of us runnng down the street naked, me carrying all of our clothes with a boner, wet, confused, and drunk.
i ended up fucking this chick in prety quietly in her bedroom because her parents were deffinatley home. after id finished i threw the condom in the bin and was about to go for a piss, she says "no, if you leave my room my parents will hear you and we'll both be screwed" so i decided to pust piss out of her window. the next morning i was told than in order to leave i would have to jump out her window onto the slanted roof below, then jump to the ground and run in-case her dad saw me. sounds easy enough right?
so i jump out of the window and as soon as my feet touch the lower roof i slip off the roof and slam into the ground below, why did i slip?? my piss had frozen over night...brilliant...
i look through their front window to check if anyone saw me, sure enough her dad was staring at me with a look on his face that could only be described as murderous confusion. so i run as fast as i can to the nearest bus-stop and make my way home.
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I like how 90 percent of the posts in this thread involve getting caught masterbating, altercations with the mentally regular, or shitting your pants. I'm starting to realize a pattern...
Anyways, one embarrassing incident that comes to mind happened when I was about 18 or 19. My mom was leaving to go somewhere for the whole day, and right before she left she told me that one of her friends was going to come over in a little bit to pick up some work supplies from her which she left on the counter. I told her "ok" and she left to go about her day. About 15 minutes after she left, I pull up some internet porn and start going to town on myself. I rarely had the house alone to myself at the time, so when the opportunity came that I had an empty house to myself I took advantage of it. I find some kinky lesbian porn and start jerking it hardcore. Right as I was about to cum I hear a sound behind me, like this rustling sound. I turn around and it's my moms friend, just standing there. Right when I saw him I stopped jerking it and quickly put my pants back on. I guess the front door was unlocked the whole time and my mom had told him to just walk right in and take the supplies. The whole time I was expecting to hear a knock on the door or somethin, which wouldve let me know when he was there. needless to say i was caught off guard. The worst part was that he just stood there with a blank expression in his face. No signs of shock or disgust, just a blank stare. We stared at each other for a good 10 seconds not saying a word to each other, then he turned around, got the supplies on the counter, then walked out the door; the whole time with the same blank look on his face. I still get embarrassed and uncomfortable thinking about it to this day.
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Some good stories in here.
Many years ago i had been skating all day and decided to join my girlfriend and som other friends at the bar.
I order a beer and smoke a cigarette.
I have pretty bad lungs so i start to cough like crazy, a cough so much that i start to trow up on my girfriends really hot friend.
long story short, i rush to the bathroom with her after me and we both throws up in there.
never been so embarrased in my life.
Many years later i lived in Jax Fl.
I was with my roomate and her friends at her dads summerhouse somewhere in Ocala.
My roomates friend couldnt stand farts or fart noices so i of course took advantage of that and started ripping out farts like crazy.
I was pretty much a raging alcoholic at that time so my stomach wasnt the best, i hardly ever ate anything.
Well i ripped a huge fart out and felt that my boxers got wet so i excused myself and went to the bathroom where i found out that i sharted pretty bad, i cleaned myself up and walked back like nothing happend.
My friends boyfriend was ofcourse on my case and knew what happened, so i got to hear that for the rest of the weekend.
Another time in Jax i dated this girl for a bit, i had hooked up with another girl a few days later but Able helped me out with her and told her that he hadnt seen me in a few days.
My roommate was out of town and i had forgotten my key to the house so i stayed with this new really hot chick.
Since i was a heavy drinker my stomach was fucked up and in morning i woke up i had to fart pretty bad so i let a slow one out and i sharted again, didnt have any clean underwear and with my roomate gone i fucked up that weekend of fun, she cleaned my underwear tho but didnt get laid again, Able if you read this, i never told you this, but i think you remember the girls haha.
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I split my pants trying to imitate Johnny Cage's split in Mortal Kombat
:D
;)
Mortal Kombat 2 just came out on snes and genesis......
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I can't think of to many, but today was embarrassing. I was in the food court, getting some cash out at the ATM, there was a line of people waiting to withdraw cash, when it got to my turn, I stepped up, and a group of people wanted to walk past, so they did, resulting in the girl behind me pushing up against me, just as soon she presses up against me, I let out some fucking gnarly farts, I'm talking rocks getting thrown into the water one after another. I felt myself vibrate against the girl behind me, like right up in her groin area. I got my cash and walked off as quick as I could.
Girl works opposite my store.
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Why'd you fart on her bro?
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Like 3 years ago when I was still in high school I had just split up with a girl, so I was trying to hook up with this girl I was in class with, because she was all hyped about skateboarding and shit, kept on chatting on fb and whatnot, so I thought I would have been easy.
She invited me and two more friends to a disco around here promising this would have been a sick night. We ended up there and I wasn't that drunk at all, wrong night, there were a lot of old folks dancing old tunes in one area and minimal in the other. Somehow I managed to get alone with her, she was happy and dragged me to the dance floor. Long story short, I tried to make out with her, and all of sudden she was like WTF?, I thought we were just friends blablabla and to add more embarrassment while doing this we were surrounded by old dudes dancing, shit was fucked up.
Spent the rest of the night with the other two guys and her pretending nothing happened and left.
Few days later all buddies in my class got to know, embarrassment to the fullest for like one whole month..fml
Oh, and that was on a new year's eve :|
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Anybody else wear brand new K-mart pants to school with the stickers still on them?
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Do you guys remember what "dead legging" someone is? It's that thing where someone punches you at this spot in your leg where a nerve is and it makes your leg go numb. Anyway, that was popular at my school and dudes would do it to each other when they were walking up/down stairs to try and make the other guy fall. Just kinda dumb jock stuff. Anyway, this one guy tried to punch this guy in the leg from behind while he was walking upstairs and it turned into this uppercut to the asshole. The embarrassing part is that it made the dude getting hit just shit everywhere, like his ass exploded. He is wearing pants, but there was the distinct sound or a short, loud blast, almost like if you blow air into a paper bag and pop it. That dude never lived it down really.
hahahaha
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This isn't about me but one of the people at this party I was at. We had planned this party (well, it was more of this bro-out) and we were picking up people. One of the first people we picked up was actually my best friends neighbor, Dennis, but he is a wigger and goes by D-Money, fucking stupid. We pull up in the drive way and we see Dennis downing a beer, and has obviously been drinking, and me and my friends instantly knew that he was gonna be the first person to fuck something up. We get back to his house, eat some pasta and stuff and then we start to party and chill and all that. There was alot of stuff there, crown royal, patron, bicardi mixes, punch, just alot of shit for everyone. An hour or two goes past and we see dennis starting to get sloppy.
this is the earliest picture from the night (before the girls came), dennis is the guy in the back with the glasses and he was starting to get sloppy at this point
(http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/31724_131480256866556_100000137475387_375790_1486116_n.jpg)
Everyone sat down and dennis starts throwing up everywhere.
this kid here
(http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/26669_131152650242422_100000430633235_266943_6571581_n.jpg)
had the idea to tie him to the chair. We tie him to the chair and to our dismay, he turns into the exorcist nad just throws up globs everywhere. He give him a huge brown bag and he fills it up fast. We carry the chair out of the garage (while he was still tied to it haha) and hose him completely with water. He unties himself somehow and starts talking about how "I can handle it, I fucking German", "I got my shit down". He obviously didn't. He took a couple of steps inside the garage and somehow, stepped into the brown bag and he slipped back and got covered in his vomit. We all start laughing, it was one of the funniest days in our lives recently. He is out of it and we just go into the pool.
This annoying as kid we call baron von underbheit
(http://venturefans.org/wiki/images/thumb/4/40/Baron.png/250px-Baron.png)
no one wanted there (he had been screaming and just was being overall annoying) had gotten even louder.
(http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/199397_1011838229418_1628883266_27735_9568_n.jpg)
he got speared in the face by one of those rods to clean out pools with haha
But back to dennis, he got up all disorientated 20 minutes later, and he goes into the backyard (where snakes are usually) and completely passes out there. No one knew but for this one kid there and he took some photos of him. I don't know where these are, I am assuming they got taken off of Facebook so Dennis wouldn't be embarrassed or something hahaha
We saw dennis later that night, passed out on the toilet, my homie Jared, threw a dart into his side and put a hoddog in his mouth and that was the night right there.
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i love this thread. ive been laughing all day
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I wasnt there for this this story, but this dude in our skate crew and some other mutual friends found themselves on a porn set one day. (We live 10 minutes from porn capital USA). And apparently there was this 'hot porn star chick' walking around and coming onto our friend Archie. One thing leads to another and he's sucking this chicks tits and motorboating her. She goes and sits on this couch, pulls her dick out (tranny) and tells this dude to come get it. Archie was bummed. People cant even bring it up anymore. It was that bad.
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I lost my virginity to my ex-girlfriend when I was sixteen. But before we had sex, I decided that it would be a good idea to eat a carne asada burrito to fill me up for one of the greatest moments in life. BIG MISTAKE. While i was going down on her, I ripped a loud fart and I could't play it off. I apologized for farting and she was laughing her ass off. I had to pull out for about 30 minutes and calm her down because she was laughing too hard. Once she calmed down, we proceeded and I came all over her chest. Pretty embarrassing, but hey, at least I got laid.
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This isn't about me but one of the people at this party I was at. We had planned this party (well, it was more of this bro-out) and we were picking up people. One of the first people we picked up was actually my best friends neighbor, Dennis, but he is a wigger and goes by D-Money, fucking stupid. We pull up in the drive way and we see Dennis downing a beer, and has obviously been drinking, and me and my friends instantly knew that he was gonna be the first person to fuck something up. We get back to his house, eat some pasta and stuff and then we start to party and chill and all that. There was alot of stuff there, crown royal, patron, bicardi mixes, punch, just alot of shit for everyone. An hour or two goes past and we see dennis starting to get sloppy.
this is the earliest picture from the night (before the girls came), dennis is the guy in the back with the glasses and he was starting to get sloppy at this point
(http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/31724_131480256866556_100000137475387_375790_1486116_n.jpg)
Everyone sat down and dennis starts throwing up everywhere.
this kid here
(http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/26669_131152650242422_100000430633235_266943_6571581_n.jpg)
had the idea to tie him to the chair. We tie him to the chair and to our dismay, he turns into the exorcist nad just throws up globs everywhere. He give him a huge brown bag and he fills it up fast. We carry the chair out of the garage (while he was still tied to it haha) and hose him completely with water. He unties himself somehow and starts talking about how "I can handle it, I fucking German", "I got my shit down". He obviously didn't. He took a couple of steps inside the garage and somehow, stepped into the brown bag and he slipped back and got covered in his vomit. We all start laughing, it was one of the funniest days in our lives recently. He is out of it and we just go into the pool.
This annoying as kid we call baron von underbheit
(http://venturefans.org/wiki/images/thumb/4/40/Baron.png/250px-Baron.png)
no one wanted there (he had been screaming and just was being overall annoying) had gotten even louder.
(http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/199397_1011838229418_1628883266_27735_9568_n.jpg)
he got speared in the face by one of those rods to clean out pools with haha
But back to dennis, he got up all disorientated 20 minutes later, and he goes into the backyard (where snakes are usually) and completely passes out there. No one knew but for this one kid there and he took some photos of him. I don't know where these are, I am assuming they got taken off of Facebook so Dennis wouldn't be embarrassed or something hahaha
We saw dennis later that night, passed out on the toilet, my homie Jared, threw a dart into his side and put a hoddog in his mouth and that was the night right there.
cool story bro
wrong thread
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yeah, maybe next time just post a picture of you and your bros posing in your underwear
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Forget that woman. On to the next. I hear there are a few other women out there, don't know if it is true or not. I would generally suggest against telling a woman you are in love with her when you are not actually dating or hooking-up. In fact, I suggest against using the L-word unless you have been in a relationship for quite some time. Most of the time love is really infatuation. Love is when you can hear a women fart and smell the dump she just took and you are not at all bothered by it.
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>in love with girl for like 3 or 4 months. slightly chubby, almost aspergers, hella cute, easily over 130IQ = instalove
>had been doing lotsa exercise and looked pretty ripped. guess it was enough to overcome her current bf.
>gonna ask her out on tuesday. some friend of us walks with us and i cant do shit plus her bf comes to pick her up
>over 9000 rage
>okay, thursday is the day. tell her we had to talk privately. get HELLA nervous, dont even know where to start from, notice she's slightly creeped because of me not knowing how to start
>the plan was "I MUST CONFESS THAT I ABSOLUTELY, THOROUGHLY, TRULY, HONESTLY, HUMBLY, SINCERELY, TENDERLY LOVE YOU"
>the actual thing, after over a minute of trying to kiss her being faster than her (dunno how you call this but when a girl dodges a kiss we call it "la cobra" because of the cobra-like motion) and not knowing what to say and creeping the shit outta her:
>"I... MUST CONFESS..." "Dude, whats up, why you talking in english?" "oh dunno, i guess it makes it easier. what i was trying to say is that I... think I love you..."
>awkward silence. the answer is obv a NO
>still sit with her in class. dont love her anymore. feel deeply stupid for ruining such a GOOD and CLOSE relationship, always cuddling and giggling in class while feeling the hate because we're basically the nerds there.
>got rejected for a dude who was worse at everything, even looks. depressed because i thought it was my fault.
>currently trying to surpass her at class. most probably fail, but trying will surely make me study harder.
>compensate playing minecraft and ps1 on the computer again.
Can't even begin to figure out the reason for such an EPIC fail after progressing so much with most aspects of my life.
This isn't 4chan, fuck off dude.
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mods, forum rule? use of the phrase 'epic fail' = instant i.p ban?
seriously cut that shit out, please.
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>in love with girl for like 3 or 4 months. slightly chubby, almost aspergers, hella cute, easily over 130IQ = instalove
>had been doing lotsa exercise and looked pretty ripped. guess it was enough to overcome her current bf.
>gonna ask her out on tuesday. some friend of us walks with us and i cant do shit plus her bf comes to pick her up
>over 9000 rage
>okay, thursday is the day. tell her we had to talk privately. get HELLA nervous, dont even know where to start from, notice she's slightly creeped because of me not knowing how to start
>the plan was "I MUST CONFESS THAT I ABSOLUTELY, THOROUGHLY, TRULY, HONESTLY, HUMBLY, SINCERELY, TENDERLY LOVE YOU"
>the actual thing, after over a minute of trying to kiss her being faster than her (dunno how you call this but when a girl dodges a kiss we call it "la cobra" because of the cobra-like motion) and not knowing what to say and creeping the shit outta her:
>"I... MUST CONFESS..." "Dude, whats up, why you talking in english?" "oh dunno, i guess it makes it easier. what i was trying to say is that I... think I love you..."
>awkward silence. the answer is obv a NO
>still sit with her in class. dont love her anymore. feel deeply stupid for ruining such a GOOD and CLOSE relationship, always cuddling and giggling in class while feeling the hate because we're basically the nerds there.
>got rejected for a dude who was worse at everything, even looks. depressed because i thought it was my fault.
>currently trying to surpass her at class. most probably fail, but trying will surely make me study harder.
>compensate playing minecraft and ps1 on the computer again.
Can't even begin to figure out the reason for such an EPIC fail after progressing so much with most aspects of my life.
(http://static.thehollywoodgossip.com/images/videos/patrice-oneal-stand-up-act_451x259.png)
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The good ol' beating off as a prepubescent and having my mom walk in mid jerk. She shut the door and went straight back to bed and I just sat there with my now flaccid dick in hand with no idea what the fuck was going on
(http://alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/png/disgusted-oh-god-why.png)
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This isn't 4chan, fuck off dude.
sry for trying to give a text "the only format i know" to escape from the long as fuck paragraph thing.
Forget that woman. On to the next. I hear there are a few other women out there, don't know if it is true or not. I would generally suggest against telling a woman you are in love with her when you are not actually dating or hooking-up. In fact, I suggest against using the L-word unless you have been in a relationship for quite some time. Most of the time love is really infatuation. Love is when you can hear a women fart and smell the dump she just took and you are not at all bothered by it.
on the other hand we have a helpful, nice, constructive comment by happenstance, who usually posts that way. thanks bud, I'll bear the caution with the L-word in mind, and i hope you're right with the "more women out there". but the moment was still an embarrassing memory.
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>in love with girl for like 3 or 4 months. slightly chubby, almost aspergers, hella cute, easily over 130IQ = instalove
>had been doing lotsa exercise and looked pretty ripped. guess it was enough to overcome her current bf.
>gonna ask her out on tuesday. some friend of us walks with us and i cant do shit plus her bf comes to pick her up
>over 9000 rage
>okay, thursday is the day. tell her we had to talk privately. get HELLA nervous, dont even know where to start from, notice she's slightly creeped because of me not knowing how to start
>the plan was "I MUST CONFESS THAT I ABSOLUTELY, THOROUGHLY, TRULY, HONESTLY, HUMBLY, SINCERELY, TENDERLY LOVE YOU"
>the actual thing, after over a minute of trying to kiss her being faster than her (dunno how you call this but when a girl dodges a kiss we call it "la cobra" because of the cobra-like motion) and not knowing what to say and creeping the shit outta her:
>"I... MUST CONFESS..." "Dude, whats up, why you talking in english?" "oh dunno, i guess it makes it easier. what i was trying to say is that I... think I love you..."
>awkward silence. the answer is obv a NO
>still sit with her in class. dont love her anymore. feel deeply stupid for ruining such a GOOD and CLOSE relationship, always cuddling and giggling in class while feeling the hate because we're basically the nerds there.
>got rejected for a dude who was worse at everything, even looks. depressed because i thought it was my fault.
>currently trying to surpass her at class. most probably fail, but trying will surely make me study harder.
>compensate playing minecraft and ps1 on the computer again.
Can't even begin to figure out the reason for such an EPIC fail after progressing so much with most aspects of my life.
Kids throw around the word love too much, if you wouldnt give your life for that person you are not in love with them
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Expand Quote
>in love with girl for like 3 or 4 months. slightly chubby, almost aspergers, hella cute, easily over 130IQ = instalove
>had been doing lotsa exercise and looked pretty ripped. guess it was enough to overcome her current bf.
>gonna ask her out on tuesday. some friend of us walks with us and i cant do shit plus her bf comes to pick her up
>over 9000 rage
>okay, thursday is the day. tell her we had to talk privately. get HELLA nervous, dont even know where to start from, notice she's slightly creeped because of me not knowing how to start
>the plan was "I MUST CONFESS THAT I ABSOLUTELY, THOROUGHLY, TRULY, HONESTLY, HUMBLY, SINCERELY, TENDERLY LOVE YOU"
>the actual thing, after over a minute of trying to kiss her being faster than her (dunno how you call this but when a girl dodges a kiss we call it "la cobra" because of the cobra-like motion) and not knowing what to say and creeping the shit outta her:
>"I... MUST CONFESS..." "Dude, whats up, why you talking in english?" "oh dunno, i guess it makes it easier. what i was trying to say is that I... think I love you..."
>awkward silence. the answer is obv a NO
>still sit with her in class. dont love her anymore. feel deeply stupid for ruining such a GOOD and CLOSE relationship, always cuddling and giggling in class while feeling the hate because we're basically the nerds there.
>got rejected for a dude who was worse at everything, even looks. depressed because i thought it was my fault.
>currently trying to surpass her at class. most probably fail, but trying will surely make me study harder.
>compensate playing minecraft and ps1 on the computer again.
Can't even begin to figure out the reason for such an EPIC fail after progressing so much with most aspects of my life.
Kids throw around the word love too much, if you wouldnt give your life for that person you are not in love with them
Now that I re-read that post I realize how stupid it is, as the moment it depicts. I would have actually given my life for her. I totally fell for her, which I guess was stupid and as easy to avoid as to happen. I'm sorry for you having to read such a stupid thing and I appreciate your advice.
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Elementary School
For whatever reason the elementary school that I went to required us to do video taped presentations starting at 3rd grade. The particular topic in mind was Why I'm Proud to be American and it was in 4th grade. At the time it was cool to present stuff on the same day your friends did. On said day I was feeling fine. I'd just presented and all I had to do was ride it out, right? WRONG. FUCKING WRONG. In the middle of my friend Andres' speech I ripped a short, yet just loud enough fart for everyone to notice and then everyone fuckin' looked at me, inching away. Everyone except for my teacher started laughing. 2 minutes later....DING. Another one. This time the girls by me back the fuck up. They already moved prior, but this time I swear there was at least a 2 foot radius surrounding me. Now ole boy Andres can't keep his focus so he finished his speech half laughing. Ten years later I occasionally think about that tape.
Middle School: My Eye Witness Report
I. In 8th grade our pe coach got us oriented with the weight room. The last thing he ends with is the bench press and to show us a proper example he calls up this kid named Ben. Right as he finished his first press he gets a boner and everyone starts talking. Coach notices it but is considerably more professional about it so he makes Ben finish the set. Unfortunately this didn't give the kid good press.
II. Somehow we all end up in the weight room and Coach decides that we need to see another prime example of the bench press because apparently most of us have been messing up. Ben is called up and he gets another erection. This time someone up front yells "Oh god dammit! Boner Ben is at it again!" Boner Ben defeated crawls back to the floor.
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when i was a kid, me and my parents visited some of their friends. somehow i found one of those cheap plastic pens you get for free from companies as an advertisement, etc. out of boredom i dismantled it, took it apart, bend out the feather, broke of that plastic clip and finally gave it a good old chew on, long story short, i had that thing destroyed within less than 10 minutes. when the lady found her pen she was all in tears and stuff, she was a writer and had written her last 2 books with that pen.
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when i was a kid, me and my parents visited some of their friends. somehow i found one of those cheap plastic pens you get for free from companies as an advertisement, etc. out of boredom i dismantled it, took it apart, bend out the feather, broke of that plastic clip and finally gave it a good old chew on, long story short, i had that thing destroyed within less than 10 minutes. when the lady found her pen she was all in tears and stuff, she was a writer and had written her last 2 books with that pen.
i have the same problem to this day. i destroy my pens within 2,3 days.
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When I was a freshman Meand this girl I really liked were in the lunchline and some girl with a Downs walked up into the line next to us.
The girl started doing so arm jerks, and for some reason I was clueless that she was they way she is (best lookin person I ever saw), and I thought she was dancing and I was fellin goofy so I decided to do some stupid jig with her, and the girl I liked just got super pissed, hit me, and stormed off. I felt pretty shitty about what happened and a teacher yelled at me.
Me and the girl later laughed about it when she became a hoe though.
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thank god she turned into a hoe and came to her senses
-Zurg
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When I was a freshman Meand this girl I really liked were in the lunchline and some girl with a Downs walked up into the line next to us.
The girl started doing so arm jerks, and for some reason I was clueless that she was they way she is (best lookin person I ever saw), and I thought she was dancing and I was fellin goofy so I decided to do some stupid jig with her, and the girl I liked just got super pissed, hit me, and stormed off. I felt pretty shitty about what happened and a teacher yelled at me.
Me and the girl later laughed about it when she became a hoe though.
(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpy8hxCpkC1qj9qhto1_400.gif)
Keep it up pimp.
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I just walked in to a public swimming pool with no swimming pants.
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when i was in 7th grade in our pe locker room we sould store our clothes in these small lockers about half of the size length wise as the regular ones. as we got back from class i started messing around and for some reason i thought it would be dope if i got inside the locker and chilled for a second. i got most the way in and my feet wouldnt get all the way in. this asshole then (still fucking hate him today) smashes the locker shut but only so the first hinge on top is close. my adio bams are sticking out the fucking bottom and now im tripping my balls off because im actual inside of the thing now and im hyperventalating and shit. a crowd begins to for around the locker and im just looking out of vent slot holes in the locker for someone to help me out. i frantically yell "get me out" a couple of times and luckily one of the pe teachers mr. bolton came over and had to rip the door off the locker. he was a cool dude. i was asked about the incident for the next month or so and sometimes it will still come up. i was scared shitless man.
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one time i was leaving the skatepark with my friends and i tried to holler at this girl while i was backing my moms car out of the parking lot and as soon as i said something and she turned around to look i backed into my friends car super hard . she just laughed and went back to her business ,