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General Discussion => WHATEVER => Topic started by: pugmaster on March 20, 2021, 01:55:51 PM
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The roommates thread has been a good read and helped me appreciate living alone. I didn't see a divorce thread so thought it could be useful information to individuals who are not married yet (e.g., tips, things to consider, etc.).
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My waifu wants to get married but I'm not a fan...
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If you agree to a 50-50 partnership, no matter how little or how much money you have in the bank or generate each year get a prenup. When the marriage comes to an end no cares about the why. If one spouse is a cheating, if one spouse is abusive, if one spouse is a huge financial and emotional burden, etc. no one in the court system cares, the prenup is the only think protecting one's money, retirement, property, etc.
Also, for the few women PALS, women are more likely to be in poverty post-divorce (make sure to have your own savings and don't sacrifice your education/career for his (unless there is an agreement to amend the prenup)), and for men PALS, men are way more likely to kill themselves post-divorce (maintain a friend circle don't isolate in the marriage).
Finally, limit how much of yourself you are willing to sacrifice for someone else. There is a difference between helping, reasonable sacrifice, and being abused or exploited... but that line can be really hard to see when you are in the relationship.
Edit: Get the prenup squared away well before the day of the marriage. Prenups signed the day of can be tossed out of court.
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My ex-wife was a whore (like literally) caught her hooking up with my friends now and then. Felt like if I had a gun I'd have offed myself like little Bill from Boogie Night's I'm not into being cuckold as I'm a monogamous person,
I fell hard for that person but too many fights verbal and fist's and dicking around I left with the clothes on my back to Portland and sadly Greyhound lost my shit too.
Am I sad she ended up dead in a ditch? Naeww not really she was alone for a reason when I met her (probably fucked and ruined her gal pal friend's over) there was warning signs and red flags all around and I wasn't careful.
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Well, that escalated quickly...
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I think we can, with the approval of everyone, end the thread now.
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My first wife basically moved all her stuff out of our house while I was at work without a call or anything. The neighbor was nice enough to come over to console me when I got home. It was worst thing in the world at the time, but in retrospect I am happy that I am no longer stuck with her.
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Why do Americans get married so much it they end up getting divorced?
Honestly I'm not being snarky that's a genuine question.
Marriage / divorce norms are different in every culture.
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The divorce rates in the States aren't as high as common discourse makes it seem. It's not half of all marriages.
The problem with marriage is the happiest day of the marriage is the first day and it only goes downhill from there. And, once kids are added happiness dramatically plummets. (Depressing info learned from a uni class on family.)
And, shit if there is a significant difference in marriage rate success by country, I'd imagine it comes back to many of the issues people in the US face that others don't. Healthcare costs, day-care costs, housing costs (Canada def has this problem too), student loans, overworked, underpaid, work comes first mentality, lack integration among family generations, lack of support mental health, addictions, etc.
But, that being said, I'm not necessarily sure divorce should be stigmatized. I mean why promote being stuck in a shitty relationship?
Hell, I think we should have a tax break for people the year they get divorced, because, fuck, divorce is expensive. And, the court costs are absurd. Why the fuck can someone get a marriage certificate for 40 bucks but it costs 400 to file for divorce?
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Married chicks are the best. It’s all the fun without any of the work. And a bed to yourself when they go home
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Hell, I think we should have a tax break for people the year they get divorced, because, fuck, divorce is expensive. And, the court costs are absurd. Why the fuck can someone get a marriage certificate for 40 bucks but it costs 400 to file for divorce?
And cue the joke
Why are divorces so expensive?
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Married chicks are the best. It’s all the fun without any of the work. And a bed to yourself when they go home
kys
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Married chicks are the best. It’s all the fun without any of the work. And a bed to yourself when they go home
kys
Lulz
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The divorce rates in the States aren't as high as common discourse makes it seem. It's not half of all marriages.
The problem with marriage is the happiest day of the marriage is the first day and it only goes downhill from there. And, once kids are added happiness dramatically plummets. (Depressing info learned from a uni class on family.)
And, shit if there is a significant difference in marriage rate success by country, I'd imagine it comes back to many of the issues people in the US face that others don't. Healthcare costs, day-care costs, housing costs (Canada def has this problem too), student loans, overworked, underpaid, work comes first mentality, lack integration among family generations, lack of support mental health, addictions, etc.
That's why my gf and I aren't having kids, nor do we care to get married.
fuck the societal norms.
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Anyone else feel like you're a tin can they can just kick around? I feel like I'm just here to be yelled at and it's taking everything I am not to spazz out in frustration, I've been a piece of shit before and have raised my hands in self-defense but I feel verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.
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Large and small observations/advice about marriage from a person who has a pretty good one.
- Marry somebody who is all ready clearly on a dedicated career path. At some point after you quit your job to pursue your dreams they will be the one paying the mortgage.
- When you're super frustrated, washing a sinkful of dishes like you do every goddamn night, re-frame it in your head as doing a favor for the one you love.
- Don't marry when you're fully in the throes of romantic infatuation. You're going to spend your life with this person. Dramatic highs and lows are not sustainable over the arc of your entire life.
- Ask yourself if your potential spouse would be a good and responsible caretaker for you if you needed them to. Imagine you're paralyzed in a car crash- is this person going to make you delicious homemade chicken soup for the next 70 years?
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When you're super frustrated, washing a sinkful of dishes like you do every goddamn night, re-frame it in your head as doing a favor for the one you love.
This is real solid advice.
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Large and small observations/advice about marriage from a person who has a pretty good one.
- Marry somebody who is all ready clearly on a dedicated career path. At some point after you quit your job to pursue your dreams they will be the one paying the mortgage.
- When you're super frustrated, washing a sinkful of dishes like you do every goddamn night, re-frame it in your head as doing a favor for the one you love.
- Don't marry when you're fully in the throes of romantic infatuation. You're going to spend your life with this person. Dramatic highs and lows are not sustainable over the arc of your entire life.
- Ask yourself if your potential spouse would be a good and responsible caretaker for you if you needed them to. Imagine you're paralyzed in a car crash- is this person going to make you delicious homemade chicken soup for the next 70 years?
my partner and I have been together 6 years and while not married, this speaks to the whole vibe. I'm a traveler, a creator, born a rambling man, and well, she is none of that and while it's been frustrating at times and I think about and pine for the old ways, those last 2 are what I focus on if I'm frustrated. It's pretty good.
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I'm in a long term relationship and went from missing my freedom to enjoying having a partners, but I still get really annoyed that I have to communicate every little thing. For example sometimes I don't give a fuck about dinner on some nights, I just want to freestyle it lol. She's very much a planner and structure person so she wants to know dinner plan before I leave work. but....the planning is helping me in my job and responsibilities.
Learning to be blunt but also not a dick. Went from a yes man to a blunt man w no tact.
The answer lies in the middle
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/UC9oeVJ6doD5BxHdfkS9hO7-UJX4s3oWNeqGW_bXZOtX4Ln5YQbsk2JHkhktSopU78e6fN5tMLvcqVHNU_mlevhAOrzjm4S-hTZ_S35pq2LOEYkt8Cx_cSNt6a8LTgF8FdyIE5R9GPEC)
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I'm in a long term relationship and went from missing my freedom to enjoying having a partners, but I still get really annoyed that I have to communicate every little thing. For example sometimes I don't give a fuck about dinner on some nights, I just want to freestyle it lol. She's very much a planner and structure person so she wants to know dinner plan before I leave work. but....the planning is helping me in my job and responsibilities.
Learning to be blunt but also not a dick. Went from a yes man to a blunt man w no tact.
The answer lies in the middle
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/UC9oeVJ6doD5BxHdfkS9hO7-UJX4s3oWNeqGW_bXZOtX4Ln5YQbsk2JHkhktSopU78e6fN5tMLvcqVHNU_mlevhAOrzjm4S-hTZ_S35pq2LOEYkt8Cx_cSNt6a8LTgF8FdyIE5R9GPEC)
non violent communication can really help. it's a thing that we need to learn and is kind of weird to get the hang of at first, like actually recognizing the separation and relationships between observations, needs, feelings, and requests and then communicating. if nothing else it's honest and can be worked on together
https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/4-part-nvc/ (https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/4-part-nvc/)
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I'm in a long term relationship and went from missing my freedom to enjoying having a partners, but I still get really annoyed that I have to communicate every little thing. For example sometimes I don't give a fuck about dinner on some nights, I just want to freestyle it lol. She's very much a planner and structure person so she wants to know dinner plan before I leave work. but....the planning is helping me in my job and responsibilities.
Learning to be blunt but also not a dick. Went from a yes man to a blunt man w no tact.
The answer lies in the middle
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/UC9oeVJ6doD5BxHdfkS9hO7-UJX4s3oWNeqGW_bXZOtX4Ln5YQbsk2JHkhktSopU78e6fN5tMLvcqVHNU_mlevhAOrzjm4S-hTZ_S35pq2LOEYkt8Cx_cSNt6a8LTgF8FdyIE5R9GPEC)
Oh man. Don't get me started on dinner.
Wife on a sunday: "I'm going to the store, what do you think you will want for dinner on Thursday?"
Me : "What the fuck?"
I'm not a picky eater and like her cooking. I've told her many times I don't need to be consulted in such decisions.
Now when she asks I just say "Steak and Lobster" every single time. i don't expect to get it ever, so the few times she has actually came through with Steak and Lobster I get really happy.
I'll also just throw random foods together that don't make sense and watch her get visibly upset.
"oh babe, just get me some ceviche, hot wings, and fettucini alfredo, that should be good"
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I am single but my best friends wife just left him for another woman. I am selfishly stoked about it. Means it will be way easier for him to go on missions with me. No more hauling her mikeytaylor around to events.
My fathers first wife drank herself to death. Then he knocked up my mom and ended up marrying her. He will never forgive me for coming out of her instead of his first wife.
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I am single but my best friends wife just left him for another woman. I am selfishly stoked about it. Means it will be way easier for him to go on missions with me. No more hauling her mikeytaylor around to events.
My fathers first wife drank herself to death. Then he knocked up my mom and ended up marrying her. He will never forgive me for coming out of her instead of his first wife.
Why would he expect your mother to give birth to his dead ex wife?
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Anyone else feel like you're a tin can they can just kick around? I feel like I'm just here to be yelled at and it's taking everything I am not to spazz out in frustration, I've been a piece of shit before and have raised my hands in self-defense but I feel verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.
Verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse in my opinion, do not accept it!!
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That's why my gf and I aren't having kids, nor do we care to get married.
fuck the societal norms.
I thought I was on that path. I came from divorced parents and never wanted to get married nor have kids. Fast forward 10 years when I was thinking that, I am no married and have a 2 year old kid.
I think part marriage and even just life goals in general is to do shit at a certain age and then mature to the next stage of life. When I met my wife, I was in my late 20s and wanted to just get drunk at bars, travel and do dumb city shit in San Francisco. Now that I am almost 40, I don't mind a more civil lifestyle and just chilling out with my kid. If I got married in my 20s and had a kid early, I'd for sure be divorced by now.
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I am single but my best friends wife just left him for another woman. I am selfishly stoked about it. Means it will be way easier for him to go on missions with me. No more hauling her mikeytaylor around to events.
My fathers first wife drank herself to death. Then he knocked up my mom and ended up marrying her. He will never forgive me for coming out of her instead of his first wife.
Why would he expect your mother to give birth to his dead ex wife?
Wow you are dense
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My advice, get a 7 with a good personality that can semi-follow a football game.
Being a parent is either going to enhance a loving relationship or tank a bad one. It’s been great for my marriage because my wife is a pretty good mom.
Most divorces I’ve seen are either a money thing, or some form of jealousy that got out of hand.
Also, I’ve said this in the parenting thread - WAY more infidelity goes on than you think. I’d say a 1/4th of married people are fucking other married people on the regular.
The most awkward thing about being married is being forced to hang out with some other husband because the wives (or kids) really hit it off. When it’s a gf/bf situation the friend circles are a lot looser, so you don’t have to socialize with some asshole if you don’t want to. But now I got to make small talk with some redneck that I have very little in common with. I’m sure the other husband feels the same way about me, I’m a 32 year old black skateboarder, he probably thinks I’m weird as fuck lol.
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The most awkward thing about being married is being forced to hang out with some other husband because the wives (or kids) really hit it off. When it’s a gf/bf situation the friend circles are a lot looser, so you don’t have to socialize with some asshole if you don’t want to. But now I got to make small talk with some redneck that I have very little in common with. I’m sure the other husband feels the same way about me, I’m a 32 year old black skateboarder, he probably thinks I’m weird as fuck lol.
This is the truth! I keep hoping someday it's like "Hey come meet my friends husband, when he's not skating he likes to smoke a bowl and drink a beer or too" I am not holding my breath though.
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The most awkward thing about being married is being forced to hang out with some other husband because the wives (or kids) really hit it off. When it’s a gf/bf situation the friend circles are a lot looser, so you don’t have to socialize with some asshole if you don’t want to. But now I got to make small talk with some redneck that I have very little in common with. I’m sure the other husband feels the same way about me, I’m a 32 year old black skateboarder, he probably thinks I’m weird as fuck lol.
This is the truth! I keep hoping someday it's like "Hey come meet my friends husband, when he's not skating he likes to smoke a bowl and drink a beer or too" I am not holding my breath though.
Ughh this sounds awful I can't imagine ever wanting to be a round a detestable person/persons who sucks not even for my kids sake. Either bring your crotch goblins to the park or other spot that's on your terms and see where it goes from there. Also have a ride to and from so you are not stuck there, that's the absolute worse.
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The most awkward thing about being married is being forced to hang out with some other husband because the wives (or kids) really hit it off. When it’s a gf/bf situation the friend circles are a lot looser, so you don’t have to socialize with some asshole if you don’t want to. But now I got to make small talk with some redneck that I have very little in common with. I’m sure the other husband feels the same way about me, I’m a 32 year old black skateboarder, he probably thinks I’m weird as fuck lol.
This is the truth! I keep hoping someday it's like "Hey come meet my friends husband, when he's not skating he likes to smoke a bowl and drink a beer or too" I am not holding my breath though.
I don't know most of my partners friends boyfriends/husbands and we've been together 6 years. When I do meet them it's like what the fuk do we talk about? My interests are meditation/yoga, skateboarding, Grateful Dead/reggae/jazz, psychedelics, being in the woods, bicycles, anarcho-collectivism, and shooting guns. I don't like sports or drink alcohol anymore or making jokes about women or playing yard games. These dudes try to talk to me either about tattoos or weed, because on the surface those seem to be relatable. I'm like I don't give a shit about your 1 tattoo and don't want to talk about all I've got going on, and weed? fuuuck, I don't wanna hear about the brand name pre rolls you buy at the store. I don't even wanna talk about weed at all... Maybe y'all can sense the anxiety building as a trip to the the other coast is approaching and it's inevitable that I will be meeting new people. :o
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The most awkward thing about being married is being forced to hang out with some other husband because the wives (or kids) really hit it off. When it’s a gf/bf situation the friend circles are a lot looser, so you don’t have to socialize with some asshole if you don’t want to. But now I got to make small talk with some redneck that I have very little in common with. I’m sure the other husband feels the same way about me, I’m a 32 year old black skateboarder, he probably thinks I’m weird as fuck lol.
This is the truth! I keep hoping someday it's like "Hey come meet my friends husband, when he's not skating he likes to smoke a bowl and drink a beer or too" I am not holding my breath though.
I don't know most of my partners friends boyfriends/husbands and we've been together 6 years. When I do meet them it's like what the fuk do we talk about? My interests are meditation/yoga, skateboarding, Grateful Dead/reggae/jazz, psychedelics, being in the woods, bicycles, anarcho-collectivism, and shooting guns. I don't like sports or drink alcohol anymore or making jokes about women or playing yard games. These dudes try to talk to me either about tattoos or weed, because on the surface those seem to be relatable. I'm like I don't give a shit about your 1 tattoo and don't want to talk about all I've got going on, and weed? fuuuck, I don't wanna hear about the brand name pre rolls you buy at the store. I don't even wanna talk about weed at all... Maybe y'all can sense the anxiety building as a trip to the the other coast is approaching and it's inevitable that I will be meeting new people. :o
I feel this on so many levels it stings, apart from the Grateful Dead and reggae thing I think we’d vibe well if we were introduced buttttttt I have my boundaries with which I try to just keep to myself.
It feels awkward meeting partners s/o I just keep quiet most times till something sucks and I’m obligated to speak my piece, usually goes south from there.
Oh and don’t even bother with telling me you use to skate and Sublime is your favorite band, frankly I don’t care or give a shit about how you use to do something.
It bores me to no end, I’d rather hangout by myself or something that requires no one else but me.
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I am single but my best friends wife just left him for another woman. I am selfishly stoked about it. Means it will be way easier for him to go on missions with me. No more hauling her mikeytaylor around to events.
My fathers first wife drank herself to death. Then he knocked up my mom and ended up marrying her. He will never forgive me for coming out of her instead of his first wife.
Why would he expect your mother to give birth to his dead ex wife?
Wow you are dense
(https://media1.giphy.com/media/3o6MbqHiE376ktPX9K/giphy.gif)
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One of my favorite things to do when meeting wife’s friends significant others that aren’t my type of people, is when asked “what do you do?” Just reply with your hobbies/interests. It’s just a good way to cut out bullshit talk and see if you have anything in common at all, idk why I like to do it it is just gratifying for some reason.
Thankfully my wife’s friends are typically pretty cool though
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I get rad ok? All I think about is riding around on my fucking skateboard.....we done?
I guess with kids you get families together like that, but it's stuff we did more in our 30's when everyone is so psyched on being 'an adult' so they do 'adult things' like dinner parties and BBQ's....now my wife just kicks it with her friends and I kick it with mine....
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if anyone wants to get their marriage destroyed, i can do that, i'm the expert in hooking up with people that are in relationships and causing trouble and crisis. we would need to exchange some money though. times are tough, the pandemic left me financially hurting, and i can only do this so often until everyone knows me for it.
currently sitting out my 30s when it comes to relationships so if i have a partner in my 40s i can talk them out of having kids because we're already too old anyway.
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I am single but my best friends wife just left him for another woman. I am selfishly stoked about it. Means it will be way easier for him to go on missions with me. No more hauling her mikeytaylor around to events.
My fathers first wife drank herself to death. Then he knocked up my mom and ended up marrying her. He will never forgive me for coming out of her instead of his first wife.
Why would he expect your mother to give birth to his dead ex wife?
Wow you are dense
8)
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if anyone wants to get their marriage destroyed, i can do that, i'm the expert in hooking up with people that are in relationships and causing trouble and crisis.
When I turned 28, after a year of intentional celibacy, I made a concerted choice to stop hooking up with women in relationships. It was just too much bad energy and unnecessary tension. God, I don't miss being the person that endless women in relationship wanted to be with.
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if anyone wants to get their marriage destroyed, i can do that, i'm the expert in hooking up with people that are in relationships and causing trouble and crisis.
When I turned 28, after a year of intentional celibacy, I made a concerted choice to stop hooking up with women in relationships. It was just too much bad energy and unnecessary tension. God, I don't miss being the person that endless women in relationship wanted to be with.
I mean depending on how and what you are trying to get out of the scenario is all up to you.
I call them bag em and tag em no need for getting attached.
I always kept that adage of if you steal a girl or pull a woman whilst she’s seeing someone else it’s always going to be a chance she’s going to do the same to you.
Hoes no matter the gender come in many facets I try to keep them at a distance till you need them.
I play the innocent and love me character that some ladies like to take home.
https://youtu.be/4MGtU8OX_3c
I refer to this scenario minus hooking up with a high school broad.
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Dating someone who is in a closed relationship is just beyond shitty. Hell, even pursuing someone in a closed relationship can create serious strife in other people's lives and is a pretty fucked up thing to do.
It is one thing in our teens/early 20s, but once someone is in their 30s, 40s, 50s+ and is more likely to have dealt with real relationship shit, like kids or dealing with serious financial crisis, mental health crisis, physical health crisis, etc., all while trying to keep food on the table and plan for the future that is some fucked up shit.
If people want to physical try something new, swinging is a thing and isn't cheating, open relationships are fine (even if they're a sign that the relationship is probably over anyway), and breaking up is the adult thing to do prior to any shit like this. Cheating and pursuing those in closed relationships is a good way to fuck up a lot of people's lives.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvYIpa1Ulvw
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-My wife earns more money than me.
-But she knows if I don't skate, surf, cycle I am going to be a fucking nightmare to be around.
-I have a secret envelop on my book shelf where I stash money for skateboards and surfboards so it appears I am not eating into family funds to fund my fun.
-End of story.
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before you guys get the wrong idea, i didn't intentionally date people in relationships. it's more like it turned out they were. like i'm not asking everyone i hook up with "yo, just wondering, do you have an actual partner?" yeah it's pretty shitty to aim for that. i was assuming if they are dating and flirting and stuff over a period of time and seem serious they are probably single.
i'm pretty much a loner anyways and rarely pursue romantic interests, and when it comes out they aren't even single, that's usually the second i'm out anyways. i'm not interested in some sort of homewrecking. but i seem to be the type to hook up with on the side for many or some sort intermediate boyfriend or toy or something. fwiw i blow it most of the time anyway because i'm very slow warming up to the thought of having any type of romantic relationship and friendzone out a lot, which is okay because sometimes those people just remain as homies or friends.
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before you guys get the wrong idea, i didn't intentionally date people in relationships. it's more like it turned out they were.
Oddly enough, this happened to a friend of mine like two or three times in a row. He would start dating this girl, we would all get introduced, hit it off, go drinking and carousing, then after a few weeks my homie found out he was a side piece.
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I'm in a long term relationship and went from missing my freedom to enjoying having a partners, but I still get really annoyed that I have to communicate every little thing. For example sometimes I don't give a fuck about dinner on some nights, I just want to freestyle it lol. She's very much a planner and structure person so she wants to know dinner plan before I leave work. but....the planning is helping me in my job and responsibilities.
Learning to be blunt but also not a dick. Went from a yes man to a blunt man w no tact.
The answer lies in the middle
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/UC9oeVJ6doD5BxHdfkS9hO7-UJX4s3oWNeqGW_bXZOtX4Ln5YQbsk2JHkhktSopU78e6fN5tMLvcqVHNU_mlevhAOrzjm4S-hTZ_S35pq2LOEYkt8Cx_cSNt6a8LTgF8FdyIE5R9GPEC)
Oh man. Don't get me started on dinner.
Wife on a sunday: "I'm going to the store, what do you think you will want for dinner on Thursday?"
Me : "What the fuck?"
I'm not a picky eater and like her cooking. I've told her many times I don't need to be consulted in such decisions.
Now when she asks I just say "Steak and Lobster" every single time. i don't expect to get it ever, so the few times she has actually came through with Steak and Lobster I get really happy.
I'll also just throw random foods together that don't make sense and watch her get visibly upset.
"oh babe, just get me some ceviche, hot wings, and fettucini alfredo, that should be good"
I'm using this steak and lobster line
ahaha
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The most awkward thing about being married is being forced to hang out with some other husband because the wives (or kids) really hit it off.
"you like beer? I like beer"
always try and steer it towards their hobby, or pop culture, and away from politics or sensitive issues, this is a much bigger issue for my gf than me because I can kinda mesh with most people and have a large amount of friends in all types of lifestyles. She cannot hide her emotions and you can physically see her cringe when people are full of shit lol. Im trying to get her to at least get a few friends though because she only has like less than 3 and doesn't talk to the much anymore.
I love being her SO but damn she needs a homie or two.
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The most awkward thing about being married is being forced to hang out with some other husband because the wives (or kids) really hit it off.
"you like beer? I like beer"
always try and steer it towards their hobby, or pop culture, and away from politics or sensitive issues, this is a much bigger issue for my gf than me because I can kinda mesh with most people and have a large amount of friends in all types of lifestyles. She cannot hide her emotions and you can physically see her cringe when people are full of shit lol. Im trying to get her to at least get a few friends though because she only has like less than 3 and doesn't talk to the much anymore.
I love being her SO but damn she needs a homie or two.
Yo, my so is the same way. I'm super social and my so is on the lofi 3 friends to study to type beat
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my gf is an artist and literally can sit there all day without interaction,
meanwhile im over here shitposting in 12 groupchats, and on SLAP, Surfer Forums, 12oz prophet constantly bullshitting w people haha
do you have any advice, clearly we get along but sometimes it's like dude you need a friend to bounce things off of
Also I feel guilty going out w friends and having plans often, and i will stay home and its affecting my social life
it was good at first because im not in the bar all the time but i still need to be able to meet w friends on occasion
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One of my favorite things to do when meeting wife’s friends significant others that aren’t my type of people, is when asked “what do you do?” Just reply with your hobbies/interests. It’s just a good way to cut out bullshit talk and see if you have anything in common at all, idk why I like to do it it is just gratifying for some reason.
Not married, but when I'm asked "what do you do?" I sometimes reply "are you asking what do I do to pay my bills, or what I do for personal fulfillment?" If they're more interested in the former then chances are we're not gonna be friends.
Major LOL @ the dude who said "my so is on the lofi 3 friends to study to type beat" best thing I've read today
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my gf is an artist and literally can sit there all day without interaction,
meanwhile im over here shitposting in 12 groupchats, and on SLAP, Surfer Forums, 12oz prophet constantly bullshitting w people haha
do you have any advice, clearly we get along but sometimes it's like dude you need a friend to bounce things off of
Also I feel guilty going out w friends and having plans often, and i will stay home and its affecting my social life
it was good at first because im not in the bar all the time but i still need to be able to meet w friends on occasion
Yeah i don't know dude, I'm just making it up as i go along just like you haha
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my gf is an artist and literally can sit there all day without interaction,
meanwhile im over here shitposting in 12 groupchats, and on SLAP, Surfer Forums, 12oz prophet constantly bullshitting
Beachgrit?
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happy wife happy life
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Did you guy’s know that daughters to father’s were basically their property till they became their husbands property?
Depending on the age they get married off....
Sounds absolutely awful to have that entitled looming fear of dissatisfying your parents.
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my gf is an artist and literally can sit there all day without interaction,
meanwhile im over here shitposting in 12 groupchats, and on SLAP, Surfer Forums, 12oz prophet constantly bullshitting
Beachgrit?
they can be good, usually on surfer mag forum but they are old school lol
reminds me of how the internet used to be a bit, mostly nerding out on gear just stay clear of the policitcs lol old grumpy men, although their meta banter can be good it doesn't touch SLAP's live commentary
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My advice, get a 7 with a good personality that can semi-follow a football game.
This might be some of the soundest advice ever given here.
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My advice, get a 7 with a good personality that can semi-follow a football game.
This might be some of the soundest advice ever given here.
Not like 10's are competing for us....
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While you are very right. From what I’ve seen marrying a 10 can be a nightmare. Granted the only people I’ve seen wife 10s are people who work in the entertainment industry, or assistant coaches. Financially well off people with large social circles whose career trajectories are based on respect.
Here’s what I’ve seen:
-Everyone’s still trying to bang your wife well until her mid 50s. In fact, her being married and probably a mom makes her more appealing to a lot of dudes because they know it’s sex without the attachment.
-When her looks begin to slip around early-mid 30s she becomes insufferable to be around because this the first time she’s been noticeably uglier than someone since she was 11.
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My advice, get a 7 with a good personality that can semi-follow a football game.
This might be some of the soundest advice ever given here.
Not like 10's are competing for us....
I’ve always been a fan of the barista cuties, I can hang with being around a coffee shop gal.
Sure she’s probably banged a bunch of dude’s if you’re not from that town what does it really matter? Not like you know them.
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Not married... 34 years old... but I definitely went through a semi "panic" phase where... I was in my late 20s, all my friends were getting married and/or having kids and I was slowly losing my hair, single and noticing all my options were slowly fading away...
Fast forward to now and I still can't see myself ever doing it. Every woman I've ever been involved with for more than a month has turned out to been fucking multiple, multiple guys whilst telling me we were exclusive.
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ur mom and dad and that’s why u post on slap
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Just say no.
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In June, it will be 20 years of marriage to my second wife.
I knew her and we went out briefly before I met my first wife so we've known each other for almost 30 years.
Luckily, the city I'm in has a lot of musicians working regular jobs so the parents of my kids' friends were semi-cool since they can understand pursuing a creative passion like skateboarding. Also, it's a college town so most of them are educated beyond high school so conversation is not dull.
My daughter is planning to move away after graduating this year. She is taking a break from school and I agree she should do what she feels is best for her since she's actually really bright and independent.
Don't lose hope after divorce. It might be the best thing to happen to you.
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ur mom and dad and that’s why u post on slap
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ur mom and dad and that’s why u post on slap
A tragic :'(
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The dinner shit had me cracking up. Exactly the same at my house. My wife will plan meals like 10 days out. I will go to the fridge and figure it out when its dinner time. SOMETIMES theres a plan the day before if I'm making something special, but middle of the week stuff I can usually freestyle. My wife does it to help me though because she works late 3 nights a week, so I'm the one cooking, and both of my kids are picky. Freestyling usually means I make 3 different meals for the three of us. Overall, if she didn't have a plan for everything, we'd probably lose our minds.
There's a lot of great advice on here. This year we'll have been together for 10 years, married for 5. Neither of us are the perfect partner, but we both have always tried for each other, and I know she'll never give up on me. I feel very lucky to have a good marriage, one I truly see longevity in, because I have friends who are truly miserable in theirs. My wife's got a group of friends, who luckily I get along with all the husbands, but almost all of their marriages are pretty rocky. One couple, probably my two favorite people out of the group, basically hate each other and cannot get along. As much as I love both of them, I wish they'd get divorced so they each could be happy. They're good people, but they dated when they were teens, got pregnant pretty early and then married. I've known them long enough to know that they've both tried, but just from what I see it can't work.
A lot of the other issues I see just come down to jealousy.
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While you are very right. From what I’ve seen marrying a 10 can be a nightmare. Granted the only people I’ve seen wife 10s are people who work in the entertainment industry, or assistant coaches. Financially well off people with large social circles whose career trajectories are based on respect.
I never realized how much my wife must be suffering for marrying a 10. Poor thing.
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While you are very right. From what I’ve seen marrying a 10 can be a nightmare. Granted the only people I’ve seen wife 10s are people who work in the entertainment industry, or assistant coaches. Financially well off people with large social circles whose career trajectories are based on respect.
I never realized how much my wife must be suffering for marrying a 10. Poor thing.
Best to take her out tonight to a fancy Italian restaurant and apologize loudly for being so ravishing. Gotta put 'em in their place.
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While you are very right. From what I’ve seen marrying a 10 can be a nightmare. Granted the only people I’ve seen wife 10s are people who work in the entertainment industry, or assistant coaches. Financially well off people with large social circles whose career trajectories are based on respect.
I never realized how much my wife must be suffering for marrying a 10. Poor thing.
Best to take her out tonight to a fancy Italian restaurant and apologize loudly for being so ravishing. Gotta put 'em in their place.
Great advice! I didn’t follow through with this, and my stunning looks eventually lead to the demise of my marriage.
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Friend of mine held a dinner party the other night where one of the main topics was centered around two couples (not present, which will seem obvious why in a moment) and the fact they're engaged in the Hotwife/Cuckold lifestyle.
It's not going well for anyone and both couples are getting divorced.
Hence, them not being at the dinner party.
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Can anybody give me a valid reason to get married? Other than it's such a big deal for my waifu and rather small sacrifice for me?
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Can anybody give me a valid reason to get married? Other than it's such a big deal for my waifu and rather small sacrifice for me?
Probably love and shit
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Can anybody give me a valid reason to get married? Other than it's such a big deal for my waifu and rather small sacrifice for me?
How is love in any way connected to the state and church?
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Can anybody give me a valid reason to get married? Other than it's such a big deal for my waifu and rather small sacrifice for me?
How is love in any way connected to the state and church?
Shit part has lot to do with state and church
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I've been with my lady for about 7 years now and we got married because it allowed us to be together. We discussed all the other options - both working remotely and constantly moving around, one of us getting sponsored for work, etc... - but being from different countries the marriage option just makes things so much easier. We've always split everything 50/50 and neither of us really believe in the institution of marriage so if we were both from the same country I think we'd still be together but we wouldn't have gotten married.
We lived in NYC for a while, then traveled and worked remotely for 1.5 years, and now we've been in Berlin for 2 years. She's from Austria and likes Berlin. I enjoyed it when I'd visited but I fucking hate living here - Germany in general. I'm able to work remotely so I got to a point where I'll be in Berlin for about a month, lose my mind, then leave for 2 or 3 months. Things in our relationship are alright but I've gotten to a point where I've basically said as long as we live here I'm going to be gone all the time. I'd try living somewhere else in Europe before moving back to NYC but made it pretty clear to her that I won't renew my resident permit. So, yeah, the situation is a bit awkward/straining but we're trying to figure something out.
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Can anybody give me a valid reason to get married? Other than it's such a big deal for my waifu and rather small sacrifice for me?
How is love in any way connected to the state and church?
No reasons, got it.
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Can anybody give me a valid reason to get married? Other than it's such a big deal for my waifu and rather small sacrifice for me?
As you mention, it's not really that big of a deal, aside from whatever meaning you might associate with it. It's a way bigger deal to move in with someone, and obviously an even bigger deal to have kids with someone. but there are some minor perks
1. tax advantages
2. outward social signifier that everyone understands
3. Your extended relatives might buy you useful appliances
4. If she leaves you, you can probably get some of her money
5. other legal benefits (hospital visitation, handling of death/life events, etc)
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Can anybody give me a valid reason to get married? Other than it's such a big deal for my waifu and rather small sacrifice for me?
As you mention, it's not really that big of a deal, aside from whatever meaning you might associate with it. It's a way bigger deal to move in with someone, and obviously an even bigger deal to have kids with someone. but there are some minor perks
1. tax advantages
2. outward social signifier that everyone understands
3. Your extended relatives might buy you useful appliances
4. If she leaves you, you can probably get some of her money
5. other legal benefits (hospital visitation, handling of death/life events, etc)
Yeah, I work with law folks so that I understand. Can be handy when my fat ass dies from all the McDo.
Such a shitty concept, though. Was terrible idea back in the days, even dumber now.
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Can anybody give me a valid reason to get married? Other than it's such a big deal for my waifu and rather small sacrifice for me?
As you mention, it's not really that big of a deal, aside from whatever meaning you might associate with it. It's a way bigger deal to move in with someone, and obviously an even bigger deal to have kids with someone. but there are some minor perks
1. tax advantages
2. outward social signifier that everyone understands
3. Your extended relatives might buy you useful appliances
4. If she leaves you, you can probably get some of her money
5. other legal benefits (hospital visitation, handling of death/life events, etc)
Yeah, I work with law folks so that I understand. Can be handy when my fat ass dies from all the McDo.
Such a shitty concept, though. Was terrible idea back in the days, even dumber now.
Agreed, it's pretty stupid and hearkens back to puritan principles, which the government shouldn't dabble in. I married my best friend for $40 and had a friend officiate the wedding, so we made out like bandits. Saved so much money over the 11 years we've been married through car insurance, health insurance, tax returns, and other dumb shit.
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Can anybody give me a valid reason to get married? Other than it's such a big deal for my waifu and rather small sacrifice for me?
As you mention, it's not really that big of a deal, aside from whatever meaning you might associate with it. It's a way bigger deal to move in with someone, and obviously an even bigger deal to have kids with someone. but there are some minor perks
1. tax advantages
2. outward social signifier that everyone understands
3. Your extended relatives might buy you useful appliances
4. If she leaves you, you can probably get some of her money
5. other legal benefits (hospital visitation, handling of death/life events, etc)
Yeah, I work with law folks so that I understand. Can be handy when my fat ass dies from all the McDo.
Such a shitty concept, though. Was terrible idea back in the days, even dumber now.
Agreed, it's pretty stupid and hearkens back to puritan principles, which the government shouldn't dabble in. I married my best friend for $40 and had a friend officiate the wedding, so we made out like bandits. Saved so much money over the 11 years we've been married through car insurance, health insurance, tax returns, and other dumb shit.
Health insurance in the US is a benefit for some. If both of you each have your own decent health care plan, then maybe not. My wife's employer doesn't offer any shit like that, so I got my whole family cover through mine.
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Can anybody give me a valid reason to get married? Other than it's such a big deal for my waifu and rather small sacrifice for me?
Without marriage, you have no possibility of feeling the suffering that comes with divorce. Once you endure that pain, falling off your skateboard pales in comparison. Therefore you become a better skater.
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Can anybody give me a valid reason to get married? Other than it's such a big deal for my waifu and rather small sacrifice for me?
Damn, gonna have to try this one.
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Can anybody give me a valid reason to get married? Other than it's such a big deal for my waifu and rather small sacrifice for me?
Damn, gonna have to try this one.
Haha! Well let me get back to you in a month or two before you make that power move.
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Can anybody give me a valid reason to get married? Other than it's such a big deal for my waifu and rather small sacrifice for me?
Nah, I'm into lifting and being sober. My pain is already maxed out.
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Can anybody give me a valid reason to get married? Other than it's such a big deal for my waifu and rather small sacrifice for me?
As you mention, it's not really that big of a deal, aside from whatever meaning you might associate with it. It's a way bigger deal to move in with someone, and obviously an even bigger deal to have kids with someone. but there are some minor perks
1. tax advantages
2. outward social signifier that everyone understands
3. Your extended relatives might buy you useful appliances
4. If she leaves you, you can probably get some of her money
5. other legal benefits (hospital visitation, handling of death/life events, etc)
Yeah, I work with law folks so that I understand. Can be handy when my fat ass dies from all the McDo.
Such a shitty concept, though. Was terrible idea back in the days, even dumber now.
Agreed, it's pretty stupid and hearkens back to puritan principles, which the government shouldn't dabble in. I married my best friend for $40 and had a friend officiate the wedding, so we made out like bandits. Saved so much money over the 11 years we've been married through car insurance, health insurance, tax returns, and other dumb shit.
Health insurance in the US is a benefit for some. If both of you each have your own decent health care plan, then maybe not. My wife's employer doesn't offer any shit like that, so I got my whole family cover through mine.
Not to derail this thread, but I had amazing insurance (from my employer) that covered essentially 100% of everything when I lived in NYC. I had a friend who recently moved from Australia to NYC for a job offer and they offered the same thing. Right after moving there he got into a horrible accident and it was all covered from his insurance and it would have costed something like 20k in Australia. The healthcare I did receive in the US I felt was so much better than what I get from the public healthcare system in Germany as well.
But that's not to say it's all good. Whether it's good or bad, the shit part is that healthcare essentially depends on your employer. Even if you move there for a job that offers amazing insurance, what happens if you switch jobs? I've thought about moving back to NYC but this is definitely the thing that would worry me the most.
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Can anybody give me a valid reason to get married? Other than it's such a big deal for my waifu and rather small sacrifice for me?
I see it as an expression of committing seriously to being with someone. It has certainly helped me to stay around and face my bevy of personal issues, in situations where in the past I’d simply walked out the door.
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Can anybody give me a valid reason to get married? Other than it's such a big deal for my waifu and rather small sacrifice for me?
I see it as an expression of committing seriously to being with someone. It has certainly helped me to stay around and face my bevy of personal issues, in situations where in the past I’d simply walked out the door.
Wow! I have joked in this thread..but what you wrote is honestly what it’s all about.
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i like the advice about reframing how you think about doing chores as being doing something for someone you love. i use that approach for wife and kids.
i'm happily married for 15 or so years to a lady i've been exclusively with for 23 or so. my advice would be that marriage is hard and requires constant work. it's really easy to get comfortable and become friends or siblings and not husband and wife. keeping that fire going is really important and difficult on both sides. i think the hardest phase is young kids, when you've got multiples and there's like 2-6 ages at play. i've heard that divorce lawyers and therapist say this is where highest failure rates are and having 3 kids close in age i can understand why. we've got great chemistry but went through a lot of stress and strain at that time. before that time, even when we were in college you are never truly overwhelmed and exhausted and forced to sustain for such a long period of time. before that you can have different ways of approaching problems and there's still an element of do your own thing. you study that way i do it this way, you clean that part of the house, i clean this part of the house, etc... but when you've got 5 people all with stomach bugs and are running out of things to clean up messes with so having to do laundry all night while kids are scream and in pain and fighting with your spouse over the toilet, things get real and your differences really come to the surface. now imagine stretching that vibe out for 7 ish years. it's a hard thing to do. we've still got some battle scars from it. my wife, like most women, has some resentment about how much i helped and i've got some resentment about her not understanding how i was helping. even for hard working, well intentioned people it's a really hard time. it's sad but true IMHO that money can make all these things way easier so getting more established i think is good advice. also family close by is super helpful which wasn't an option for us. we weren't in a fantastic position on either, at least not enough to move the needle, like we couldn't afford nannies or any of that.
my biggest advice, which i saw earlier in this thread is take your time. if your going to be together forever then why get married in 2 years. let things cool, wait till you go through some life changes and hard times and after working through some of these things if you feel like you'd like to do that kind of work for the rest of your life then go for it. i wouldn't have kids until you are rock solid though and feel you should commit to staying together at least till their off to college/work. it's a commitment my wife and i made and took seriously and a few of her friends you can tell did also.
on the flip side, i feel super fortunate and lucky to have the family we've built together. even if we did get divorced one day, we've built something beautiful and meaningful together. there's a whole new vibe and lifestyle that we've created that will go on after we've gone that is a very fun, rewarding and comfortable place to be. our kids are people who's company i genuinely enjoy. we put a lot of work into guiding them and establishing values that our whole family is built on. i'm hopeful we wont have to deal with any of the tragedies you see families deal with because that kind of thing can disrupt the most solid families but i'm hopeful that this vibe will be there on my death bed comforting me as i pass. that's kind of the goal.
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i like the advice about reframing how you think about doing chores as being doing something for someone you love. i use that approach for wife and kids.
i'm happily married for 15 or so years to a lady i've been exclusively with for 23 or so. my advice would be that marriage is hard and requires constant work. it's really easy to get comfortable and become friends or siblings and not husband and wife. keeping that fire going is really important and difficult on both sides. i think the hardest phase is young kids, when you've got multiples and there's like 2-6 ages at play. i've heard that divorce lawyers and therapist say this is where highest failure rates are and having 3 kids close in age i can understand why. we've got great chemistry but went through a lot of stress and strain at that time. before that time, even when we were in college you are never truly overwhelmed and exhausted and forced to sustain for such a long period of time. before that you can have different ways of approaching problems and there's still an element of do your own thing. you study that way i do it this way, you clean that part of the house, i clean this part of the house, etc... but when you've got 5 people all with stomach bugs and are running out of things to clean up messes with so having to do laundry all night while kids are scream and in pain and fighting with your spouse over the toilet, things get real and your differences really come to the surface. now imagine stretching that vibe out for 7 ish years. it's a hard thing to do. we've still got some battle scars from it. my wife, like most women, has some resentment about how much i helped and i've got some resentment about her not understanding how i was helping. even for hard working, well intentioned people it's a really hard time. it's sad but true IMHO that money can make all these things way easier so getting more established i think is good advice. also family close by is super helpful which wasn't an option for us. we weren't in a fantastic position on either, at least not enough to move the needle, like we couldn't afford nannies or any of that.
my biggest advice, which i saw earlier in this thread is take your time. if your going to be together forever then why get married in 2 years. let things cool, wait till you go through some life changes and hard times and after working through some of these things if you feel like you'd like to do that kind of work for the rest of your life then go for it. i wouldn't have kids until you are rock solid though and feel you should commit to staying together at least till their off to college/work. it's a commitment my wife and i made and took seriously and a few of her friends you can tell did also.
on the flip side, i feel super fortunate and lucky to have the family we've built together. even if we did get divorced one day, we've built something beautiful and meaningful together. there's a whole new vibe and lifestyle that we've created that will go on after we've gone that is a very fun, rewarding and comfortable place to be. our kids are people who's company i genuinely enjoy. we put a lot of work into guiding them and establishing values that our whole family is built on. i'm hopeful we wont have to deal with any of the tragedies you see families deal with because that kind of thing can disrupt the most solid families but i'm hopeful that this vibe will be there on my death bed comforting me as i pass. that's kind of the goal.
Holyshit @Sleazy how much do you charge per hour and is the first session free for new divorcées? :) I blown away by how much you guys have it figured out. I wish I would of been in the same boat.
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I was going to pretend I was in an arranged marriage to be funny but then I remembered that my Israeli buddy's parents were an arranged marriage and that it didn't work out
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I was going to pretend I was in an arranged marriage to be funny but then I remembered that my Israeli buddy's parents were an arranged marriage and that it didn't work out
Non-arrenged don't work either, so...
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Also though, I am a people watcher and I am thoroughly amused by the rich married couples at the beginning of my street. (Beginning of the street is rich young couples and my end of the street is original owner 90 year Olds and then us). There are 5 couples that are amusing to watch. Their kids are all 4 and under (glad my son is older).
#1) wife wants to be the popular mom and leader of the pack. Husband definitely wants to wear Polo shirts with his bros at the bar ASAP. They are actually okay but can read that. Definitely reads like she was one time a party girl but has settled and he would like to be at the party chanting his frats name.
#2) wife thinks she is the "hot one" on the street, tries to strut her stuff but no one cares. Husband is pretty chill, wears sunglasses and is quiet. AKA would rather be doing anything else. You can tell when he has his baby in the stroller that this is his escape because he'll stay out there for a long ass time
#3) This couple at least look like they want to be in the same room. They're the bouncy castle in the front yard family. Everyone chills in their driveway (except us because I'm not joining that circus. I asked my son and he has no interest either which is great). They seem pretty legit. As far as liking each other.
#4) non rich couple stuck in the middle of the rich ones. Wife stays as close to her front door as possible (intimidated by the trophy wives or finds them boring, or both?) Husband will go hang (for his kid) but looks like he has no interest, will go out of his way to talk to me if he's out there so I must be his escape
#5) new couple. Seem pretty legit - go everywhere together and definitely work out together. Seem in love and have a baby. Husband seems friendly to me, wife seems wary of me (I am pretty used to this). They park where it is inconvenient for me to back out of my driveway and makes me wonder about their level of common sense
So basically I do a lot of work in my front yard or I'm chilling on the porch while my son rides his bike, so I get to see the show. There are some cool people on my street, these ones are the ones I find amusing though
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Ok back to doing drugs it is then..
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I saw somewhere this notion of ”women want to change the man, and the men think the woman will never change” and I think about this often. Seems so fitting for so many couples, especially if they met in their twenties.
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it's sad but true IMHO that money can make all these things way easier so getting more established i think is good advice. also family close by is super helpful which wasn't an option for us.
my biggest advice, which i saw earlier in this thread is take your time. if your going to be together forever then why get married in 2 years. let things cool, wait till you go through some life changes and hard times and after working through some of these things if you feel like you'd like to do that kind of work for the rest of your life then go for it. i wouldn't have kids until you are rock solid though and feel you should commit to staying together at least till their off to college/work.
Everything you said was on point, but this stuff especially.
The money thing is huge. I hope I'm not being shallow, but get yourself on a good track and look for a partner who's doing the same. Life is long, and in my experience it only gets more and more expensive. We're also very fortunate that we have lots of family close by to help with our kids, and just things in general. I don't even know what our dynamic would be if we didn't our family close by.
Discuss each others debts, even if it's difficult to talk about. I know someone whos engaged to someone with six figures worth of student loan debt, and both of them work retail. I get loving someone, but locking it in with someone who owes more than they'll ever be able to pay back just seems like completely giving up on your own chance at success. If that's you that owes, let your person know.
Again, life is long. I completely agree with giving yourself enough time to truly go through some shit with someone. They're the person thats supposed to have your back for the rest of your life, so you better make sure you can count on them when things get rough. When things do get rough, hopefully you've got someone you can go to and talk it through. I've always been someone who bottles everything up, and the bottles overflowed a bit these past few months. It's hard for me to let it out, but if I didn't know that my wife was there for me 100%, even if my problems deal with her, I don't know how I could keep it together. Being able have that communication with someone is probably the most important thing, at least to me. When things happen, talk it out. The longer you let things fester, the worse it gets.
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I was lucky to have my parents retain a loving marraige until my mother's death, and then my father remarried and that was good until his death.
But I watched the marriages of my cousin and my best friend spiral into violence and detestation and it seems really, really hard, especially for the kids involved.
But, like they say, it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. And even when it seems like it can't get any worse, to know that the marriages produced wonderful human beings counts for a lot.
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my family is fucked up and i will never build one myself. i'm very happy for all you family people. i just can't relate at all.
sorry i don't want to bum everyone out. it's something i think about a lot because my parents will die soon and they pretty much hated each other since forever, but because they are way old and affected by weird old social norms, there was no way they would divorce. they are both in need of caretakers respectively and actually still try to make life hellish for eachother.
most of my psychological problems stem from the fact that i feel somewhat guilty for that, that i destroyed their relationship after they adopted me and also because i'm a total failure in their eyes i guess.
two of my exes had these crazy nuclear families that were so crazy cozy and welcoming that it literally freaked me out. like i can't deal with that which is normal and great for others. i don't trust it. any sort of family pride is just super sus to me.
my friends are what i feel like is family for me. i'd probably rather try to build up a communal place with them than go for a marriage or traditional partnership. it wouldn't work anyway because i don't believe in monogamy and i'm borderline asexual anyways.
and i'm dirt poor. i'm so poor it's actually a deal breaker for potential dates. i literally can't do expensive dates. and whenever potential dates find out how poor i am, it's over because they think there must be something seriously wrong with me. i feel like the best i can do is trying to be there for my friends and foster those relationships for as long as i can.
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sounds like you’re counting urself out without even entering the contest frank
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If I may proffer one piece of advice that has been helpful in understanding my wife’s stress, and my lack of it, it is very neatly explained in this comic.
I thought of myself as a feminist and someone who tried to create an equal relationship, but I was taken down a few notches, when this comic described me to a T.
It’s not long and very efficient at getting the point across.
https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/amp/
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and also because i'm a total failure in their eyes i guess.
Dude, you're a Mod on the Slap MassageBoards, you fucking run shit.
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sounds like you’re counting urself out without even entering the contest frank
i am definitely not running in the contest. i get my chances all the time, but i usually can't take them as they appear.
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If I may proffer one piece of advice that has been helpful in understanding my wife’s stress, and my lack of it, it is very neatly explained in this comic.
I thought of myself as a feminist and someone who tried to create an equal relationship, but I was taken down a few notches, when this comic described me to a T.
It’s not long and very efficient at getting the point across.
https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/amp/
Good read. Thank you, cucktard :)
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If I may proffer one piece of advice that has been helpful in understanding my wife’s stress, and my lack of it, it is very neatly explained in this comic.
I thought of myself as a feminist and someone who tried to create an equal relationship, but I was taken down a few notches, when this comic described me to a T.
It’s not long and very efficient at getting the point across.
https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/amp/ (https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/amp/)
Good read. Thank you, cucktard :)
Seconded, eye opening.
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If I may proffer one piece of advice that has been helpful in understanding my wife’s stress, and my lack of it, it is very neatly explained in this comic.
I thought of myself as a feminist and someone who tried to create an equal relationship, but I was taken down a few notches, when this comic described me to a T.
It’s not long and very efficient at getting the point across.
https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/amp/ (https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/amp/)
Good read. Thank you, cucktard :)
Seconded, eye opening.
wow that's really good. definitely the core of the challenges my wife and i had when the kids were young that i mentioned in my post earlier.
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Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
If I may proffer one piece of advice that has been helpful in understanding my wife’s stress, and my lack of it, it is very neatly explained in this comic.
I thought of myself as a feminist and someone who tried to create an equal relationship, but I was taken down a few notches, when this comic described me to a T.
It’s not long and very efficient at getting the point across.
https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/amp/ (https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/amp/)
Good read. Thank you, cucktard :)
Seconded, eye opening.
wow that's really good. definitely the core of the challenges my wife and i had when the kids were young that i mentioned in my post earlier.
yeah this was a good read. good looks @cucktard
might be contributing to this thread here soon as I may be tying the knot in the near future lol
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i like the advice about reframing how you think about doing chores as being doing something for someone you love. i use that approach for wife and kids.
i'm happily married for 15 or so years to a lady i've been exclusively with for 23 or so. my advice would be that marriage is hard and requires constant work. it's really easy to get comfortable and become friends or siblings and not husband and wife. keeping that fire going is really important and difficult on both sides. i think the hardest phase is young kids, when you've got multiples and there's like 2-6 ages at play. i've heard that divorce lawyers and therapist say this is where highest failure rates are and having 3 kids close in age i can understand why. we've got great chemistry but went through a lot of stress and strain at that time. before that time, even when we were in college you are never truly overwhelmed and exhausted and forced to sustain for such a long period of time. before that you can have different ways of approaching problems and there's still an element of do your own thing. you study that way i do it this way, you clean that part of the house, i clean this part of the house, etc... but when you've got 5 people all with stomach bugs and are running out of things to clean up messes with so having to do laundry all night while kids are scream and in pain and fighting with your spouse over the toilet, things get real and your differences really come to the surface. now imagine stretching that vibe out for 7 ish years. it's a hard thing to do. we've still got some battle scars from it. my wife, like most women, has some resentment about how much i helped and i've got some resentment about her not understanding how i was helping. even for hard working, well intentioned people it's a really hard time. it's sad but true IMHO that money can make all these things way easier so getting more established i think is good advice. also family close by is super helpful which wasn't an option for us. we weren't in a fantastic position on either, at least not enough to move the needle, like we couldn't afford nannies or any of that.
my biggest advice, which i saw earlier in this thread is take your time. if your going to be together forever then why get married in 2 years. let things cool, wait till you go through some life changes and hard times and after working through some of these things if you feel like you'd like to do that kind of work for the rest of your life then go for it. i wouldn't have kids until you are rock solid though and feel you should commit to staying together at least till their off to college/work. it's a commitment my wife and i made and took seriously and a few of her friends you can tell did also.
on the flip side, i feel super fortunate and lucky to have the family we've built together. even if we did get divorced one day, we've built something beautiful and meaningful together. there's a whole new vibe and lifestyle that we've created that will go on after we've gone that is a very fun, rewarding and comfortable place to be. our kids are people who's company i genuinely enjoy. we put a lot of work into guiding them and establishing values that our whole family is built on. i'm hopeful we wont have to deal with any of the tragedies you see families deal with because that kind of thing can disrupt the most solid families but i'm hopeful that this vibe will be there on my death bed comforting me as i pass. that's kind of the goal.
@Seventyfuhkinseven i just realized i never replied to your super kind words. thanks so much for the kind words and it's work in progress but super proud of how far we've gotten. i think more people should think about kids and family as an investment in your later years, if you do then these outcome become way easier.
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my family is fucked up and i will never build one myself. i'm very happy for all you family people. i just can't relate at all.
sorry i don't want to bum everyone out. it's something i think about a lot because my parents will die soon and they pretty much hated each other since forever, but because they are way old and affected by weird old social norms, there was no way they would divorce. they are both in need of caretakers respectively and actually still try to make life hellish for eachother.
most of my psychological problems stem from the fact that i feel somewhat guilty for that, that i destroyed their relationship after they adopted me and also because i'm a total failure in their eyes i guess.
two of my exes had these crazy nuclear families that were so crazy cozy and welcoming that it literally freaked me out. like i can't deal with that which is normal and great for others. i don't trust it. any sort of family pride is just super sus to me.
my friends are what i feel like is family for me. i'd probably rather try to build up a communal place with them than go for a marriage or traditional partnership. it wouldn't work anyway because i don't believe in monogamy and i'm borderline asexual anyways.
and i'm dirt poor. i'm so poor it's actually a deal breaker for potential dates. i literally can't do expensive dates. and whenever potential dates find out how poor i am, it's over because they think there must be something seriously wrong with me. i feel like the best i can do is trying to be there for my friends and foster those relationships for as long as i can.
Just stumbled upon this thread randomly.... and I could not help but relate to your message Frank .... I was an adopted kid too. and I was actually just toying with the idea of creating a thread about that stuff! Kept putting it off....it's not an easy discussion. but now I know I'll do it!
Anyways I just wanted to say: try not to feel responsible for what happened! I know it's easier said than done....Basically the kids are the ones with no choice in the adoption process. For a very very long time I was always bending over backwards to please my (adoptive) parents and it's only when my wife told me that, that I realized what I was doing. OK, not gonna say much more here, that subject deserves its own thread. But I totally get what you mean about "cozy" families freaking you out ha.....