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Skateboarding => Skate Questions => Topic started by: TopCat on December 08, 2021, 12:28:55 PM
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This is just some venting from a frustrated skateboarder, but I would be interested to know if other people experienced the same thing and how they are able to cope with it.
Over the last couple of years skateboarding has become a total chore to me. I still have good days on my board where everything feels great but more often then not I'll go out to skate and feel so shitty about myself. I go out and feel like I'm being watched and judged almost everytime. It's so frustrating because it means I can't just relax and enjoy it. Normally I don't care if I miss a trick but when Im feeling this way I just loose my shit which makes things worse because it makes me feel like a total asshole and it makes other people stare at you which just exacerbates the situation. If you have any advice I just want to enjoy skateboarding again.
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Get gud.
In all seriousness tho, skate at night. Or just say fuck it and take some slams. Or don't go to crazy packed spots.
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Get gud.
In all seriousness tho, skate at night. Or grow a pair.
Thanks
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You're not alone. I did some lurking on the topic here awhile ago and found some solid advice in this thread https://www.slapmagazine.com/index.php?topic=108586.0
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I think this phenomenon is more prevalent than it might appear.
My mom gave me some great advice about this kind of thing a long time ago and I still think about it a lot:
No one is worried about you. No one is mentally documenting or pondering over your skating. They’re too busy thinking about themselves. Who knows, maybe they’re deep in their own morass of anxiety and self-consciousness far worse than yours.
Realistically, the very worst thing that could happen when someone watches you skate is they think to themselves “Wow… that dude sucks at skating”. That’s not the end of the world, right? I’m positive that thousands of people through the years have thought that very thing when seeing me on a skateboard. Oh well, fuck ‘em.
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Hey @TopCat you could save yourself years of mental torture if you heed this man's advice right here. It's really that simple.
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Dealt with this shit a lot and am not going into a therapy session but basically if people are watching your skating and judging it (which they almost certainly are not) at least it's just your skating. If somebody is watching you it's just because you are skating and that's an interesting thing to watch. It's not personal, it doesn't matter.
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drink a beer.
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The only thing I think when I see someone who’s not as good at skating as I believe myself to be is “oh good, they won’t notice how much I suck at skating.”
Also homeboy nollie heeling the hip first try won’t get as much props from me as the dude who’s been working on a front fifty for the better part of an hour when he lands it.
I guess what I’m saying is that everyone is focused on themself and even if they are aware of you their thoughts are more likely positive than negative.
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I get social anxiety sometimes when I have a really good day of skating and people pay attention to me and tell me that I skate well. It makes me feel exposed and vulnerable, as if I was just caught being naked in the middle of the street. It actually gives me more confidence and makes me feel better to skate with people who are better than me.
I also know your feeling of skating turning into a bit of a chore, which keeps you from being in the moment and having fun. It has helped me a little to think of skating a bit like having a relationship: It is ok that it can feel a bit stressful sometimes, but I try not to beat myself up about it if it does. I want to appreciate it when I can relax and enjoy it and also when I gets a bit obsessed. Sometimes it is also cool just to hang out with your friends and take it easy. The good times will come back.
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Thanks for sharing and making this a conversation; just know that you're not alone. Even pro skaters go through this all the time. Shimizu, Crob, Alexis Sablone- all time greats have brought this up during interviews so you're def not alone
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I get social anxiety sometimes when I have a really good day of skating and people pay attention to me and tell me that I skate well. It makes me feel exposed and vulnerable, as if I was just caught being naked in the middle of the street. It actually gives me more confidence and makes me feel better to skate with people who are better than me.
I also know your feeling of skating turning into a bit of a chore, which keeps you from being in the moment and having fun. It has helped me a little to think of skating a bit like having a relationship: It is ok that it can feel a bit stressful sometimes, but I try not to beat myself up about it if it does. I want to appreciate it when I can relax and enjoy it and also when I gets a bit obsessed. Sometimes it is also cool just to hang out with your friends and take it easy. The good times will come back.
Honestly thank you so much for the advice. Got some real good a advice from my friend. He said that if you love something passionately your self esteem shouldn't be dependent on it. He also recommended this book called 'effortless mastery' by kenny werner which he said helped with his self confidence. Gonna give it a read but if anyone wanted something read . . .
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This is what I told myself I college to fight social anxiety. Bad advice.
drink a beer.
This is what the therapist that helped save my life said (in a nutshell)
No one is worried about you. No one is mentally documenting or pondering over your skating (or your anything, for that matter). They’re too busy thinking about themselves. Who knows, maybe they’re deep in their own morass of anxiety and self-consciousness far worse than yours.
Realistically, the very worst thing that could happen when someone watches you skate is they think to themselves “Wow… that dude sucks at skating”. That’s not the end of the world, right?
Realistically, nobody has the time to pay such close attention to what you're doing or a reason to go out of their way to be critical of it. If they do, then they have the problem, not you. Skateparks can be an anxiety inducing place for people of all skill levels... I've found that cracking a joke or two with a stranger will alleviate a lot of that weirdness.
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this is when you know if you love skateboarding
does your desire to skate outweigh the anxiety of people watching
if you want it, be willing to go out and look dumb in front of people. or other skaters. who gives a fuck. in 2 years time, will they, or you remember the session at all, and if they do, anyones opinion of you is miniscule in the grand scheme of things. if you want it, go and get it because you and your skill on the board is what matters to you, impress yourself, dont worry about everyone else and enjoy it
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I skate at like 7AM solo mostly. I just enjoy doing it, but do get bummed I don't have a crew or the ability to skate with better people and not care.
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you're not alone buddy. I still feel this way pretty often, but rather than over think it and give up, I remind myself that I'm a busy adult with a ton of responsibilities and this is something just for me and to not worry about it. Easier said than done, but when you think in that sort of perspective and think you'll be more bummed on missing this opportunity of fun over thinking you will looking like a dumbass who sucks, you slowly care less and do what you love.
I also refrain from skating skateparks in peak hours. Also early morning jives better with my schedule unless I'm just skating out back behind my apartment.
I will have a beer or two when I skate sometimes. I usually skate as a release and have a causal beer and relax with it because both are things I enjoy. I know that isn't great advice and always the most reasonable thing to do, but skateboarding is my me time.
Sometimes if I'm really having fun on the weekend and I don't have any big responsibilities or have to drive anywhere and really don't have any responsibilities I'll drink 12 beers and skate all day and have a ball. It's my life and I work hard so it's mine to enjoy, but these times are very very very few and far between these days
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I don't skate parks and I almost always skate alone so it's not a problem to have headphones in.
For me listening to music is the only way to get out of my head and have a really good time skating... Otherwise I am too focused on how loud skating is, people walking by, people watching me, etc.
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I have been having really good early morning sessions at the skatepark these last few years and being there in the early morning with very little crowds or really good skaters really helps
Also I recently bought a big old board with 215’s on it and that has helped me to reevaluate my skating, the skatepark itself and just lets me focus on the basics without comparing myself to my better younger self.
Also, kinda corny, but try making it a goal to pay someone a genuine compliment when at the skatepark, probably not the dude blasting airs (they know they rip) but someone who is skating something differently or something along those lines.
And your not alone, skateparks are totally overwhelming, especially if your not the dude out there ripping with the crew
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Expand Quote
I get social anxiety sometimes when I have a really good day of skating and people pay attention to me and tell me that I skate well. It makes me feel exposed and vulnerable, as if I was just caught being naked in the middle of the street. It actually gives me more confidence and makes me feel better to skate with people who are better than me.
I also know your feeling of skating turning into a bit of a chore, which keeps you from being in the moment and having fun. It has helped me a little to think of skating a bit like having a relationship: It is ok that it can feel a bit stressful sometimes, but I try not to beat myself up about it if it does. I want to appreciate it when I can relax and enjoy it and also when I gets a bit obsessed. Sometimes it is also cool just to hang out with your friends and take it easy. The good times will come back.
Honestly thank you so much for the advice. Got some real good a advice from my friend. He said that if you love something passionately your self esteem shouldn't be dependent on it. He also recommended this book called 'effortless mastery' by kenny werner which he said helped with his self confidence. Gonna give it a read but if anyone wanted something read . . .
Sounds really interesting. I play jazz music so this should be very interesting!
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I know the feeling.
For me the best answer has been to try and skate in solitude. Just me and an empty parking lot. For a while I went psycho trying to find places where literally nobody would notice me. It led me to skate some really dogshit spots but there’s something rewarding about finding a way to skate something that nobody else would even look at.
The other, slightly less positive answer is that when I *do* end up at a park or skating with other people, I try to pick out at least one person who is skating worse than I am.
And if all else fails just remember your etiquette. Nobody cares how bad you are, but they might care if you’re in the way all the time. if you aren’t going to get a rep as the gnarliest ripper, you can at least get a rep as someone who shares the spot politely.
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I took the homie to an indoor park recently. This guy spent 4 hours trying to ollie up the curb-height manual pad, but by the time the park was closing everyone was dapping him up as we left. He's an extreme example because he is incredibly outgoing and sociable, but it was powerful to see the sickest dude at the park asking for the IG handle of the dude who can't ollie before he left.
That was a huge refresher that skating, at its best, is about community. These days, if your scene is alright, friends and connections are a compliment, joke, or question away at the skatepark. As someone who also struggles with SA, this is so empowering.
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This is just some venting from a frustrated skateboarder, but I would be interested to know if other people experienced the same thing and how they are able to cope with it.
Over the last couple of years skateboarding has become a total chore to me. I still have good days on my board where everything feels great but more often then not I'll go out to skate and feel so shitty about myself. I go out and feel like I'm being watched and judged almost everytime. It's so frustrating because it means I can't just relax and enjoy it. Normally I don't care if I miss a trick but when Im feeling this way I just loose my shit which makes things worse because it makes me feel like a total asshole and it makes other people stare at you which just exacerbates the situation. If you have any advice I just want to enjoy skateboarding again.
Are you doing the type of skating that you actually enjoy/have fun with? I’ve definitely also felt watched and self-conscious in the past, especially when I got fully back into skating a few years ago after taking like 10 years off during my late teens/most of my 20s. When I got back into skating I was forcing myself to keep up with whoever was at the park with (re)progressing with ledge tricks and manuals and stuff. Lately I’ve chilled with the forced progression and just started messing around with more curbs and slappies and sometimes just cruising around thinking of creative stuff instead of trying to stay consistent with technical skating. It’s been great for my own anxiety and I’ll actually have more people coming up to me complimenting my skating when I’m off to the side messing around on a curb at the park then when I was being hard on myself trying to impress people. For me finding my own lane has taken the pressure off and made me enjoy skating in front of other people. I still do enjoy getting out there early and skating alone though but I’m way less self-conscious if the park/spot is crowded.
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all skateboarders have social anxiety which is why they’re so weird and vibey
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I took the homie to an indoor park recently. This guy spent 4 hours trying to ollie up the curb-height manual pad, but by the time the park was closing everyone was dapping him up as we left. He's an extreme example because he is incredibly outgoing and sociable, but it was powerful to see the sickest dude at the park asking for the IG handle of the dude who can't ollie before he left.
That was a huge refresher that skating, at its best, is about community. These days, if your scene is alright, friends and connections are a compliment, joke, or question away at the skatepark. As someone who also struggles with SA, this is so empowering.
loved this
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I’ve always liked to find/have a nice, smooth flat ground spot that is secret and unfrequented by other skaters. Maybe it has a couple features that you can play with like a curb, some stairs, a bank. Usually in an industrial park or parking garage. I honestly usually have way more fun in these places either alone or with a trusted friend than I do at the park.
Also, if I’m at the park and a massive wave of anxiety hits me, which is like 50 percent of the time, leaving the park and just pushing down the street or sidewalk for a while resets my brain pretty well.
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This is just some venting from a frustrated skateboarder, but I would be interested to know if other people experienced the same thing and how they are able to cope with it.
Over the last couple of years skateboarding has become a total chore to me. I still have good days on my board where everything feels great but more often then not I'll go out to skate and feel so shitty about myself. I go out and feel like I'm being watched and judged almost everytime. It's so frustrating because it means I can't just relax and enjoy it. Normally I don't care if I miss a trick but when Im feeling this way I just loose my shit which makes things worse because it makes me feel like a total asshole and it makes other people stare at you which just exacerbates the situation. If you have any advice I just want to enjoy skateboarding again.
I get anxiety when I first get to the park every single time! What I do is throw headphones in, get lost in smooth tunes, and pretend I have blinders on. Kinda anti social - but I'm at the park to skate, not to make small talk. So I pretend I am there by my self. Also, I try to get there early. 10-11 am.. usually less crowded and less pressure during the morning. hope that helps.. have fun! scrape your tail and feel free brother.
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Been isolating a bit since covid, so it seems I’m getting more anxious in social settings lately myself. As far as skating goes, I will usually skate a crappy parking lot and school by my house alone with headphones. This has helped me focus on the tricks I’m trying and consistency. I don’t go to skateparks as often as I used to but when I do I feel a little more confident because of the consistency. Some time spent skating alone has helped me greatly (maybe helps my focus?) but we are all different and may not have the same spaces available around us.
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This is why I skate alone most of the time. I know that in skateboarding, your worthiness of acceptance is associated with skill level. I've always been shit at skateboarding but I enjoy it too much to give it up forever. But the anxiety and self-deprecation is what ultimately led me to quit skating several times over the past 25 years.
Another thing that sucks is that listening to music helps calm me so I can actually have a decent session and be happy while skating both alone and while people are around, but some skaters even hate on people for skating with earbuds in.
As I got older I realized that I've screwed myself over by letting my fear of others' opinions get in the way of my skating. I could have been so much better now if I hadn't given up so many times due to frustration and never feeling like I belonged. So now I just skate by myself a few days a week, and if I happen to skate a crowded park and get the same awkward treatment from everyone because I'm not very good, I'm still cool to everyone regardless but I just do my thing. I just don't give a shit what other skaters think of me anymore. I've never been accepted and never will be, so, why even care? I don't know if I'll still be able to pop any tricks in another ten years, so I have to take advantage of the time I have left.
But to rephrase what "in love w/ fs shuvs" said, skate more and keep improving. Eventually you'll be really good and people will want to be your friend because of it. It'll probably be shallow and meaningless, but it's a good antidote to social anxiety.
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something that helps me is telling myself that no matter what I do in front of people, whoever is there is going to forget about it by the time you get home. I realized I don't care what anybody who might be around is doing and that I never retain what other people are doing while skating. I definitely give a cheer when people land a good trick or a trick they've been battling. But skating a weird isolated spot with a friend or a group of friends is always more fun to me.
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Learn to laugh at yourself when you fall.
Because that shit is funny.
The burden you are placing on yourself just kind of disappears and you enjoy your full, non-perfect perfect skating.
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for me it was the lead up to skating.
i would be so in my head about how the session would potentially go, who would be there, what tricks i would do... i would be mentally/emotionally exhausted before even setting foot out the door and vibe myself out.
best advice would be if you're gonna plan to go skating somewhere try to distract yourself with other tasks (chores, video games, skate vids, exercise/warm up) before you actually have to go to the park/spot. oh and maybe wait until you've settled in and feel good at the sesh before partaking in tree/drink ;)
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I can't focus when other people are around. I get annoyed and distracted by the bros that are loud, young and obnoxious. Instead of just dealing with that, I look for nature spots to practice at and hit the park early or late when johnny ripper and the bad boy club are at home chugging beers "wooooooOoo!". "Not all skaters are regular", that's my serenity now mantra.
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Don’t go to the park when drunk/high. You sometimes get this feeling everyone’s staring at you but they’re not.
Always nod/say hi to people. If they don’t do the same it’s their loss.
Get pumped by watching other people struggling and conquering stuff.
Try and get a group of friends you can open up with about yourself. No need for friends who are always and only discussing skating. Past like 25 y.o. that got so boring to me. But that’s just me.
Try mornings maybe. Chat people up a tiny bit. Avoid meltdowns. Have fun.
If there’s more parks in your area try and go to the shit ones too. Gravette style. You can find weird stuff to skate usually.
But yeah mostly be polite, chat people up and you’ll know right away who’s down to talk and who’s not. Open up and be yourself.
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One of the biggest breakthroughs I had in life was realizing that everyone else cares about me just as little as I care about them. I used to have really bad social anxiety as well (mmj helps a lot) and when i would start to get inside my own head I'd just kind of remind myself of that and try to laugh at myself for getting so worked up over nothing.
I guess it's really about perspective - having proper perspective is hard for modern humans but it's kind of essential to actually being happy and satisfied in my opinion. I know this sounds almost belittling but knowing just how insignificant you really are goes a long way. It's super empowering in its own way. Ego death and all that I guess.
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Just got to be confident and remember skateboarding never been about what tricks you can do but how you feel riding your board. Who cares if some dudes going berserk trying to one up your every move, that just means they feel intimidated by you or want to prove themselves to you, or prove it to themselves maybe. Just have fun and do your thing. I know it’s easier said then done.
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You can spend your whole life trying to impress people but once you're dead they'll forget who you were -Somebody
That being said I still don't know how to introduce myself. We all got our problems let's be friends about them
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One of the biggest breakthroughs I had in life was realizing that everyone else cares about me just as little as I care about them. I used to have really bad social anxiety as well (mmj helps a lot) and when i would start to get inside my own head I'd just kind of remind myself of that and try to laugh at myself for getting so worked up over nothing.
I guess it's really about perspective - having proper perspective is hard for modern humans but it's kind of essential to actually being happy and satisfied in my opinion. I know this sounds almost belittling but knowing just how insignificant you really are goes a long way. It's super empowering in its own way. Ego death and all that I guess.
I don't really experience much social anxiety anymore, meditation and a very, very intense LSD experience in October 2020, kinda beat it on down the line. Kinda feels like I grew out of it for the most part, for now... It does however, become prevalent again if I smoke too much weed and try to go skate. I remember the days of matching blunts and going to the skatepark. wtf... 3 blunts and going to skate among a crowd of people hahahah now I just don't really skate with a bunch of people anyways, so I don't know if this is even relevant
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Skate on your own when no one is watching you and get better - skate in public with everyone when you feel confident.
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I was afraid to skate in the public when I first came back to skating but gradually this got better and now I don‘t mind. I skate a full parking lot with cars and dudes coming and going. Of course it is embarrassing eating shit in front of people but what can you do?
As has been said above, most people could care less what an old dude on a skateboard is inflicting himself and those who do are mostly sympathetic or encouraging, bar some edgy teens telling you to kickflip.
However I noticed that I often bail on tricks when I know people are actually watching/observing me (as opposed to just casually look at me/have me in their line of sight without caring). This seems to somehow distract me subconsciously.
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People ARE going to watch you, and they probably WILL form some kind of impression/opinion about you.
But that impression/opinion is based solely on a few minutes of half-hearted observations. It doesn’t come anywhere close to the full reality of you are going through. The injuries you have, the shit you are going through, maybe even the fit of your shoes.
They can’t possibly come to a meaningful conclusion about your skating, they can’t possibly have enough information to do so.
Which means their opinions are bullshit. They don’t matter. What matters is your own subjective experience of skating itself. And even that is subject to all sorts of distorting factors.
So anyone who is forming opinions about you and that slam you took on an easy trick, is deceiving themselves. You don’t need to worry about it. Because their view isn’t fully formed by the true reality.
And this is the same for each and every view you and I form without access to that much info. Which is pretty much everything. We are all making half-baked conclusions with a tiny fraction of available info.
We shouldn’t be taking it too seriously.