My comic book pitch: The men who hunt gods

[sexonthebeach]

Its in the attachment.
Jim Shooter from Dark Horse is interested.
The Men Who Hunt Gods
Jimmy Hank: Tall skinny Jean Reno French looking, tired half mast eyes, face big nose with Elvis/Johnny cash look. He wears black pants short cut somewhat visible ankles, white  crumpled shirt top buttons open reveal some chest and black opened crumpled jacket and black gloves.
Ben: Supervillian turns into a hero.
Pretty one: Joker archetype 

[dancinginabar]

From Jimmy?s first person perspective. In a private eye looking office two people sit across from each other in between desk.
Jimmy Hank ?You know what it is that I do correct??
 Then scene shows other mans solemn sad serious face.
?He killed my baby?
 Scene switches to a man in a superhero costume and a woman on a bed in a New York apartment.
Superheroes Girlfriend: ?No baby leave the costume, I prefer it that way.? Jimmy kicks the door open of living room. ?What is it baby.? Scene shows superheroes troubled, scared, sweaty face as he looks at doorway.
Scene cuts back to Jimmy and man. Jimmy ?Its 10 million dollars up front . If anything were to go wrong I can?t guarantee your safety.?
 Scene switches again Jimmy first person perspective. Superhero: ?Oh sweet Jesus no!? Jimmy enters the room shooting a ump at superhero. Girlfriend: ?ahhhhh?. Superhero shoots lasers out of his eyes, (no longer first person perspective from this point on) jimmy casually side steps it. Superhero jumps out of building, Jimmy runs with two knives in hand and jumps after him as naked girlfriend sits holding sheets. Jimmy digs both knifes into superhero?s body while he is flying outside of apartment. Superhero shoots lasers at jimmy, jimmy casually switches hands when superhero fires leaving one hand dangling evading the shot, this happens twice. Finally Jimmy kicks the superhero?s face in a hunched struggle and lets go, pulls a parachute and lands in the middle of a city street in morning twilight. Scene shows angry superhero from other side of town revving (flying low to the ground fast) up towards jimmy who is busy opening a trash can pulls out a brief case and while whistling is assembling a very big rifle in the middle of an empty main street. The following scenes switch between the superhero?s face going faster and getting angrier to jimmy whistling and setting up his rifle. Finally Jimmy shoots the rifle, the superhero falls back. Jimmy keeps shooting his rifle. Eventually superhero drops and jimmy walks up to him.
 The superhero asks ?why??
  Jimmy ?You separated a crippled man from the only damn thing that ever loved and respected im unconditionally?
 Superhero makes a puzzled face ?The dog! You?re talking about that damn dog I fell on, all this for a dog!!!?
 Jimmy squints eyes. ?You ever heard of old yeller boy? I loved that damn dog.?
 Superhero ?Hey man I?m not old yeller alright you don?t have to put me down, look I?m sorry, I?ll repent whatever, please just please don?t fuckin kill me?
 Jimmy ?Should?ve thought of that before you upped and scat after splattering the pooch?
 Superhero ?Fuck you man, do you know who I am! Do you!?
 Jimmy ?Sure do? and from the superhero?s perspective you see jimmy gut his throat as blood spatters. Jimmy from superhero?s perspective all blurry lighting a cigarette ?You?re a dead man?.
 Scene switches to jimmy in office again. Troubled man ?I don?t care just kill him.?
 Jimmy ?Ok. Well anyways that concludes our meeting. Try to, ? try to have a nice day.?
 Black full page, title in white the men who hunt gods.
 A fat man calls the police from his apartment overlooking the murdered superhero ?Yeah, the guy looks like a black Elvis; yeah he just killed captain marvelous!?
 Shows Jimmy walking away casually smoking a cigarette. Jimmy?s monologue ? You know the truth is I really had wanted to be a Tom Waits impersonator, but seeing how the American public can?t tell the difference between HIP HOP and music I guess I?m just shit outta luck.( Jimmy looks up at sunrise) Ahhh, it?s about that time when they come out.? A bunch of Elvis?s crowd the street. A shot of just Las Vegas sign is shown.
Police ?That?s the guy, get him.? An African American Elvis impersonator is nabbed by police right behind Jimmy.
 Black Elvis: ?What the hell man??
Jimmy walking away singing to himself ? This world don?t care bout nobody cept for a gypsy like me, this mean old world of mine?
 

 

[dancinginabar]

Scene switches to super villains robbing bank. Lead Super villain ?You know the drill if everyone just shuts up?? Scene then switches Ben an electric themed fruity looking super villain staring at father protecting his to twin daughters.
 Main Villain ?Ok, were done? ?Pick one, remind them who was here? Ben looks at the father again.
 Father ?No please! I don?t care if you kill me but their mother is in the hospital, there?s no one to support them, we can barely make ends meet as it is. Pease don?t kill their only father.?
 Ben ?Truth is? I just don?t really care.?
 Father sobbing ?I love you both so much.?
 Ben incinerates father. Then scene shows the first daughters distraught face. Then page is split in two showing half of Ben?s face as his maniacal smile becomes increasingly serious, sad and solemn. For each frame of bens gradual change in expression there is a parallel scene showing the bad things Ben has done in the following order: 3 gradual expressions/ 3(parallel) bad deeds
 1 shooting a train full of people, 2 shooting up on drugs, 3 killing people in church. Then one full page of Ben intimidated, scared, serious, startled face, then a full page of second daughter angry, possessed, vengeful face, then Ben looks down at the blood on his hands from a first person perspective. Then Ben makes a baffled face like what the hell am I doing.
 Main villain ?The hells wrong with you lets go?
 Ben ?Yeah its nothing? they exit bank.
 Jimmy enters bar.
Bartender ?Nother rough day at the office?
Jimmy ?Ey Ralph?. Bartender slides Jimmy a pint. Jimmy ?That kid here?
 Ralph ?Yeah let me get him. Hey scrawny get the hell over here?
 Kid: ?Yeah?
 Ralph ?This is the guy ?
 Kid ?Really!?
  Jimmy ?Yeah really, what the hell did you tell this kid anyway, you were just supposed to tell him how to drive the damn limo?
 Kid: ?I don?t get it why would you be a chauffeur?
 Jimmy ?Cuz life is tough kid and some people gotta make ends meet?
 Kid: ?But you shouldn?t need a day job?
 Jimmy ?Like hell I don?t. Explain the situation to this grommet Ralph?
 Ralph ?See Jimmy here gets paid pretty handsomely to take out those fly boys, only problem is?
 Jimmy interrupts while drinking beer ?Only problem is the materials and equipment cost pretty much eat up all my profit, so the margin of actual financial gain is equivalent to what that fat Italian on the corner makes sellin bullshit fake Philly cheese steak sandwiches? everybody needs a day job?
 Kid ?Then why do it, seems like the most dangerous?
 Ralph interrupts ?dumbest profession?
 Kid ?I can think of?
 Jimmy ?Ahh now we get to the real question and the answer is frankly? drinks beer ?there?s nothing in this whole wide world I?d rather do?
 Bartender makes a serious face while the kid is in astonishment.
Jimmy ?Of course you realize that if you ever tell anyone what I do I?m gonna have to kill you?
 Kid ?I won?t, I swear?
 Jimmy ?I know, I?m just kiddin kid, you don?t have to worry?
 Kid: ?oh,? ok?
 Jimmy ?But if you do actually tell anyone I?m gonna gut you and hang you like a suckling pig you
understand boy.? the kid makes a quiet, swallowing his throat kind of face.
 Jimmy ?I?m glad I?ve made myself clear?. Jimmy ?Anyways I?ve got to go married couple from Montana comin in, have a good one boys? Jimmy exits bar.
 Kid ?Damn he?s scary?
 Ralph ?Scary, kid you don?t know scary let me tell you about the ?pretty one?.
 Kid ?What?
 Ralph ?Yeah, see Jimmy?s not the only one around here that hunts gods. And despite appearances he?s damn smart just not the type to up and brag about it. So anyways there?s this guy practically does the job for free, he?s a real psychopath gets off on the stuff.?
 Kid ?I thought he got off on this stuff?
 Ralph ?Not like this monster kid?
 Scene switches to Augustus: Heath Ledger looking guy dressed in a white suit, slicked back dark blond wet hair, rolled up sleeves very handsome, wearing white gloves completely insane killing a superhero as bartender describes him. Ralph ?See when you hire the pretty one you save some scratch, but at the same time you?re agreeing to certain conditions?
 Kid ?Like??
 Ralph ?See it?s not enough for him to just kill those poor suckers, and unlike Jimmy this guy makes a mess of it which is saying a lot trust me?
 Kid ?What are you driving at?
 Ralph ?He eats them? Scene shows Augustus sitting in shadows with dim dangling light bulb over a wooden table eating a superhero?s limb on a metal plate while the rest of the hero is laid passed out bleeding on the table.
 Kid ?What! What do you mean he eats them?
 Ralph ?What the hell do you think I mean he eats them!?
 Kid ?Why!? Does he think he?ll get their powers or something??
 Ralph ?No, nothing like that, you can?t get in this line of work, be that proficient, and that crazy and that stupid all at the same time. No, way I see it they must have done some wrong by im. Guess whatever that they did do must feel like being eaten alive, aint no other reason for someone like im to act like that.?
 Kid ?What you know him??
 Ralph ?I seen him round here once before always laughing, smelled like a house full of reefer?
 Kid ?You?re telling me he kills and eats superheroes, because he smokes too much ganja??
 Ralph ?No, damn boy I smoke plenty the stuff myself, but he was on some other stuff too it looked like he was trippin on shrooms or lSD or whathaveyou. Anyways all I know is that boy was fuckin gone. Like real gone.?
 Kid looks to the right ?I guess he was.?
 Ralph ?What??
 Kid shoots bartender with silenced pistol goes to the bathroom comes out holding rubber mask. ?No one saw anything?... No this place doesn?t look like it be the type that?d care, no? (looks at piano in the corner bending forward squinting eyes, bar is full of smoke and very dark) it looks like the piano has been drinking? Augustus walks out of bar.             
 Agent Red: Old man, looks like agent graves from 100 bullets in Leon black sunglasses?, black hat, black tie, black shoes and black gloves and dark red jacket and dark red pants enters bar. ?I?m looking for a certain Jimmy Hank?.(bar is quite dark and full of smoke, no one even notices him) Oh, the bartender appears to be dead, well have a nice day gents? Tips hat and walks out of bar.
 
 

[dancinginabar]

Drug deal in a harbor. Super villains fly in.
 Drug dealer ?Oh fuck!?
 Super villain ?Don?t bother running, give us the drugs.? Super villain then throws drugs to other villains behind him they start snorting from the bag. Super villain who spoke walks back towards other villains says ?kill them.?
 Police woman undercover and her partner shows up, she has long black curly hair. ?Freeze!?
 Villain ?Are you suicidal??
 Police woman ?We haven?t been staking this bust out for months only to have you fly in here and get a cheap fix.?
 Villain ?In case you hadn?t noticed were called Super Villains for a reason.?
 Cop ?Yeah well maybe in you case you hadn?t noticed there?s more to life than dressing up and playing cowboy and Indians!?
Ben then grabs her and starts puling her pants down, cop screams ?NO!? then Ben hesitates he sees an image of a different woman in his mind screaming ?NO!? Ben looks at cop pissed and instead of raping her he backhands her blood splatters from her head. It kills her. Main villain puts hand on Bens shoulder, Ben turns grabs villains shirt with both hands and just stares in his face with a distraught, confused sweaty, intense I?m losing my shit kinda face. 
Jimmy sitting in office fiddling with pen. Jimmy ?Yes how can I help you??
 Young brown haired cute widow ?The speed he? he?
 Jimmy ?He killed your husband.?
Widow ? I know he didn?t mean it I know their trying to be heroes, trying to help people?
 Jimmy ?What do you want me to do??
 Widow ?Just well, just.?
 Jimmy ?Hurt him.?
 Widow ?Make him understand.?
 Jimmy ?I don?t think you understand what it is I exactly do.?
 Widow ?I?m sorry for wasting your time.?
  Jimmy ?If you change your mind for any reason you know where to find me.?
 Scene switches to Tom in his apartment Main Super Villain walks in ?What the hell was that back there?? Tom ignores him. ?Are you even listening to me!? Tom turns around and punches super Villain he crashes into wall and slouches toward floor.
 Ben ?I am tired of your Alpha male, I?m the leader of the team bullshit Robert, are you listening to?? Ben looks down surprised and startled, sees that he?s killed the main villain ?Oh shit!?
One week later.
The widow simply arrives at Jimmy?s doorstep with both hands clenching bag in shadows looks like a scene from the long Halloween, with wide eye look like she?s just mentally checked out.
 Jimmy walking around city setting up traps. Monologue boxes in upper scenes of pages. ?How do you stop somebody who moves faster than the speed of light? You don?t. Took months, two freakin months to coordinate his freakin routine, multiply that by the probability of catching him at one of his seemingly erratic speeds, and then triangulate that with an exact calculation of the momentum necessary to even pierce that rubber body of his without breaking the metal pikes into millions of shards? annoying. I mean what kind of shrap metal would even conform to specifications like that. Well turns out the good o?l United States military made something almost specifically for that purpose that?s readily available on the black market. Sticky Nanobombs that latch, self replicate and convert kinesthetic energy from moving organisms, got a pretty good price for it on the underground eBay. I just hope I don?t end up blowing up the world in the process.? (Jimmy crouches setting up bombs). ?That?s the thing though if you want something you gotta make the effort to find it, fit it, and force it to be. Cause its laziness, weakness and seemingly improbable odds that stop us from even trying. But that?s the point, if you don?t try you?ll never get anywhere and if you try and fail you can just keep trying again and again and if you die, so be it you died trying, but you never lost you never compromised. And that?s what kills people compromise not death, losing yourself is too often mistaken with reinventing yourself like it?s the same thing?it?s not. It?s dying while you?re still alive that kills people. I can?t think of a worse way to go. But something always, eventually budges. Mountains eventually are reduced to dust by erosion, but you gotta want to be that erosion so bad you?ll get big and mean and smart and you?ll do whatever it takes to right that wrong. Cuz In life few things stick like a grudge and wrongs always meet their rights, in this lifetime or the next. Oh shit! Here comes the speed (he smiles).?
Flash falls on trip wire there is a big explosion and he falls forward. ?Tripwire obviously really? The flash just explodes blood everywhere.  ?Thank god if I was even a fraction of a second off I?m not sure he would have just turned into a spiraling fireball. Ha, but he didn?t did he, time to celebrate!?
 
 
Ben sitting in a park dressed as a normal person, monologue ?What?s wrong with me?? Ben sees a lady caressing her puppy he makes a relaxed aww face then catches himself pissed. He yells ?Are you fuckin kidding me!!!?. He then grabs the puppy and kicks it, its sent flying. Ben?s Monologue ?I don?t hesitate that?s not what I do, I?m a Super Villain ? that?s?who?.I?.am.?
  Scene switches to Men in dark room facing monitors. The one guy standing, you can?t see their faces, says ?It?s becoming aware hit the switch? Then the scene shows an explosion go off in Bens head he?s then bleeding from his head in a back alley on all fours.
 Augustus over dying superhero in abandoned dimly lit skyscraper. ?You know you?re making this way harder for yourself than it has to be. It?s not death that hurts, its dying don?t you know that??
 Superhero ?What the hell are you talking about??
 Augusts ?No I wouldn?t imagine someone like you would understand. I mean what have you ever lost? except for right now of course?.hehehahaha, sorry, sorry it?s just you looked seriously intimidating at first what with being way up in the sky and all? hahaha. Can I ask you a personal question (whispers in ear) why do you wear underwear on top of your pants? You know what don?t even answer that, I think it?s sexy!?
 Mr. Red walks in doorway ?Augusts Delano we?d like to have a word with you.?
 Augustus ?Can?t you see I?m busy.?
 Red ?I?m a government liaison for??
Augustus ?Not interested and who?s we anyways??
 Red ?I wasn?t asking and we would like you to join our employ.?
 Augustus ?I?m going to say this once and only once.?
 Red ?You?re not in any position to??
 Augustus whispers in his ear ?You?re gay...?
 Red ?Hugh??
 ?Heehahaha, see you around G-man.?
 Augusts walks out of building bumping against agent red.
 At The Justice Club
Jimmy?s monologue in upper left box ?Despite what people say about the Justice Club it is actually an upstanding organization. Their heroes are actually heroes, they?re not politically corrupt A-moral sexual deviants or mass murdering psychopaths, no they actually think they can genuinely help the world. They also just happen to be surprisingly well funded.?
 Supreme Man ?This is getting bad someone is hunting us down.?
 Green spectacle ?Who?d want to do that.?
 Marvelous woman ?Maybe Seistro, the Crimson Rock, the Diabolical Iron Fist or maybe??
 Scene switches to Jimmy?s face getting drunk at bar totally wasted.
Jimmy ?Whadya mean the other bartenders dead! Goddammit! That?s what happens when you think you know somebody they get themselves killed? I mean just like that!?
 New bartender ?Shit happens.?
 Jimmy ?Damn right.?
 Bartender ?Not everyone can be a superhero, seems like they never die always getting outta of a jam or bein resurrected some strange shit like that.?
 Jimmy ?Trust me they die plenty, anyways ya know the thing I never could understand about those super flamers??
 Bartender ?Besides the spandex.?
 Jimmy ?Are all those logos?!?
 Bartender ?What about em??
 Jimmy ?I mean what?s the point of it, brand recognition like just in case you weren?t sure the guy flying shooting lasers out of his eyes wasn?t Supreme man you get this big stupid looking S shoved in your face. Zorro never used logos. I blame it on MTV and this entire consumistic culture. Superheroes who like flying McDonalds and Starbucks.?
Superhero walks into bar and sits at table in corner looks like a cross between magneto and the planet eater guy from the silver surfer.
 Bartender peeks at superhero nervously than says to Jimmy ?Maybe you?ve had one too many pal.?
 Jimmy ?No?dammit I mean talk about egoism it?s like if I had powers the last thing I would do is dress up like a drag queen and become a superhero or supervillain for that matter. What mommy and daddy didn?t pay enough attention when you were a kid, you gotta fly around the city in brightly colored velour practically screaming look at me!!!?
 Bartender sees the superhero getting pissed says ?C?mon pal we dont need??
 Jimmy ?No! You c?mon we had Greek gods, Norse warriors, Clint Eastwood for Christ?s sakes, now what do we have superfags in brightly colored clad. I guess its reflection of the times. A reflection of a childish, superficial consumistic culture that worships flying drag queens.? Jimmy stares at superhero as he says that.
 Superhero approaches him with a pointed finger. Superhero ?That?s it! Supreme man is a patriot and I Metalo Man! am going to kick your ass?
Jimmy ?Shiiiiiiit! You gonna do all that.?(spit coming out of Jimmys mouth). Jimmy pulls out guns from shoulder holsters they fling to the side of the room.
 ?Metals dumbass?
 ?Fuckin circus freak never had the opportunity of killing one of you fruitcakes with my bare hands before.? Grabs beer bottle slashes superhero?s throat: Azzarello Joker style. ?You?re bleeding to death asshole. But I?m not getting paid for it so I?ll have Frank drive you to the local hospital.?
 Random guy at bar ?Sure Jim.?
 ?But if I ever see you round these parts again I?m going to take a big steel pipe and shove it up your %@#$ then everybody will know why they call you rod man or metal man or whatever it is they call you?(turns to bartender) so like I was saying?
 

[dancinginabar]

Lady and friend walks into bar ?Are you Jimmy Hank??
 Jimmy ?Who?s askin??
 ?I need help.? she breaks down crying. ?Remember dark places invasion on the earth last year??
 Jimmy  ?NO? I was busy getting drunk kinda like what I?m trying to do now?
Lady
 Jimmy ?I wasn?t being sarcastic?what do you want!?
 Lady ?His head on a pike. He took my child.?
 Jimmy ?Alright next time he tries to invade the earth I?ll make sure I drag a dead gods head through the streets ok?ok. You know the fee well it?ll be double for an old god.? Lady puts a lot of money on the table and walks out.
 Ben wakes up in a hospital with a scar halfway down his face diagonally in between his eyes. Doctor ?We found you in a back alley, bleeding to death with a giant cranial mannurism. It?s a miracle you even survived?. Ben walks out of room blood of doctor is splattered everywhere. Scene then switches to Ben in a car waiting outside of a bar in shady part of the city near harbor.  Ben?s monologue ?Dr. Jonathon Schwartz, father of three. He?s the guy they sent us to for our monthly checkups. I think it?s time I paid the doctor a nice visit.? Ben wearing a trench coat gets out of the car and as he?s approaching the doctor says ?Hey!?, he then shoves the doctor against a brick wall in a back ally at the corner of the bar.
 Doc ? Benjamin!! Your still alive.?
 Ben ?Still? What are you, whats going on??
 Doc ? I didn?t mean??
 Ben ?Don?t play dumb doc or I?ll fry you alive starting with your brain? slowly.?
 Doc ?Really I don?t.?
 Ben ?Think of Susan, think of Geoffrey, remember Mark just turned five didn?t he??
 Doc ?You bastard how did you get their??
 Ben ?I know that, but there are still holes gaps I need filling, but if you don?t feel like cooperating maybe Susan might be more open to the idea.?
 Doc ?You monster!?
 Ben ?You facilitator!?
 Ben ?Now tell me dammit these thoughts, memories where are they coming from??
 Doc ?Alright follow me.?
Scene switches to them inside laboratory on metal balcony looking down at vats. ?This is where we do it. First we have to steal you.?
 Ben ?Steal??
 Doc ?Yes in order for the process to work we require fully grown humans. Clone?s half life?s are too short.?
 Ben ?Then??
 Doc ?We inject your circuitry system with a DNA altering compound, a forced, designed mutation.?
 Ben ?What??
 Doc ?C?mon you don?t really think someone is just naturally born shooting fire out of his mouth do you? See we increase the cellular speed in the esophagus which creates a sort of ?super? friction while strengthening the cellular walls, combine that with a hyper amino acid gaseous membrane based stomach and Houla! You have the (illustrated like a superhero name looking title)Fire Breather. It?s an art? really. Now non aerodynamic flight, that?s a whole nother story.?
 Ben ?These memories.?
 Doc ?Right, see we plant a computer chip in your prefrontal cortex. There it gathers all your genetic information constantly then it relays that information back to our supercomputers who process your new DNA, tweak it, and finally we send the signal back to your body. It?s how we can make subtle modifications in case your physiology mutates out of control. I guess you could say it?s really just the computers that are super. It also makes sure you can only use certain capabilities and not others,? kind of like a filter especially for those with multiple powers. It also makes sure you can?t kill each other.?
 Ben
 Doc ?What you never found it weird that the Super Villains always lose? That you can trample over entire populations of people and there?s never been a recorded death of a meta human. C?mon you can?t be that na?ve we built in natural inhibitions you couldn?t kill each other even if you wanted to.?
 Ben ?These memories!!!?
 Doc ?The chip suppresses your real memories, but your brain must have found a way to circumnavigate it, astonishing! And after the explosion your gray matter miraculously reconstituted itself through what I can only assume was an immune based electrical response from your nervous system. We obviously underestimated how an electrical based superpower would work on your synapses?Hmmm.?
 Ben ?But all of this, why??
 Doc ?Isn?t it obvious we live in a damn police state, the economy is going to shit, culture is becoming virtually nonexistent, the bill of right is basically being thrown out the window, don?t you get it superhero?s were created to distract us.?
 Ben ?Impossible.?
 Doc ?It?s the only logical explanation really, the flamboyantly skimpy costumes, the epic battles, the adoring crowds it?s just American gladiators on a cosmic scale!?
 Ben ?You?ve got to be kidding me??
 Doc ? Why would I, look around it?s what MTV could only dream of being, it?s what the super bowl was meant to inspire, what wars have been waged for, what religion has been doing for thousands of years? keeping the population in check. As Reagan so eloquently put it ?The Russians were the best damn thing to happen to America?. See they?re controlling us, making sure we don?t get out of line Nazis, Communists and terrorists just weren?t enough anymore we needed super villains now. I?m surprised they just didn?t fake an alien invasion. So long as we?re kept fat, dumb and comfortable the world keeps spinning.?
 Ben ?And we?re all the wiser.?   
 Doc ?Exactly

Scene switches to police on walkie talkie, talking to sergeant in police station. They are overlooking superhero/ villain battle. Policeman ?We have a situation here sir.?
 Sergeant puts phone down then makes another phone call. ?Call in the girls.? Four people dressed in business suits and trench coats they look like the minutemen from 100 bullets with (trench coats) . They walk into middle of city being torn up by superheros. Team consist of little black girl with cornrows tired seen some things face, tall man, black hair Brazilian looking, big guy long orange hair and petit blonde good looking guy.
 Police 1?That?s them! A girl and some prince charming are you kidding me??
 Police 2 ?I hear those two are the real killers.?
 1 guy just looks at him like WTF. ?Why do they call them the girls??
 2 ?Beats me I guess it?s prolly cuz they work for daddy.?
 1 ?Daddy???
 2 ?Ya know big brother all that. An officially sanctioned government sponsored superhero hit squad. And word on the wire is that it apparently consists of some incredibly psychologically fucked up people.?
 1?Yeah? (Tornado man tries to blow orange hair?d guy off broken floor in opened up building couple stories up. Orange hair guy grabs rock throws a big broken piece of wall that looks like a boulder at tornado man it makes contact. He then jumps down snaps tornado mans neck.)
2 ?Yeah?. (The Brazilian guy then throws a  metal pole through a superhero?s neck.)
1 ?Why is she sitting back?2?Guess they only call her in when things get really bad?. Scene switches to a big Building falling 1?It looks really bad to me?. Falling Superhero accidentally hits against petit kid looking blonde guy, blonde looks disturbed (like you just touched me kinda look), looks at superhero squints his eyes makes superhero explode telepathically. 1 ?Shit you see that.2 ?Just like I thought the other two, the smaller ones are telepaths while those big guys just fill in as support.?
 1 ?Support! You see what that big fella did with the pipe!?
 2 ?Physically enhanced meta humans, it?s impressive but still it?s not like they can topple cities by just thinking about it, now the other two...?
 1 ?By the looks of it they don?t need to think about it.?
 Agent Red walks up behind Brazilian agent on outskirts of battle. ?Finish this up we?ve got an appointment elsewhere.? Mr. Red then walks towards limo and says ?Start the car.?
 A black ghetto guy bumps into Agent Red ?yo wat da fuck you dirtied my kicks man you gotta pay fo dat.?
 Red ?Of course, let me just get my wallet.? Mr. Red man pulls out silenced pistol and shoots guy in the foot.
 Ghetto guy ?My foot!!!?
 ?I think that?ll suffice, have an enjoyable rest of the evening, I know I will.? Agent Red smiles and wipes blood away from his red suit but the smudge conveniently just looks like it blends with color of the suit.
 Woman on phone ?Yes it was a man dressed in a red suit. Yes he shot him in the foot that?s right.?
 Mr. Red pulls out cell phone and makes a call ?I?ve made a mess.? Police come to corner of street where they find the street filled with guys in red suits, some of them even sitting down drinking coffee in cafes.
 Cops ?C?mon you?ve got to be kidding me!?
 Mr. Red drives away in limo. Jimmy ?Where to?? scene focuses on Agent Red?s face as he just smiles.
End of issue 1
Agent Red ?I know who you are?
Jimmy ?Look I don?t do porn anymore alright so if ??
 Red ?I wasn?t asking about?
 Jimmy ?I was just kidding? I still do porn?
 Red ?hmmm, you know who I am I take it?
 Jimmy ?Of course, but don?t get me wrong I?m not joining your squad of super savants, in case you haven?t noticed I don?t exactly look like rain man now do I??
 Red ?you don?t??
 Jimmy ?We gonna have problem here??
 Red ?you tell me jimmy?
 Jimmy ?what the..how do you?
 Red ?I know everyone?s name.?Agent Red gets out of car. ?Its been a pleasure? Does eye see you gesture, Russian mafia .
 Jimmy ?@#$%!?

[The Donger]

tldr

[dancinginabar]

the format fucked up all the quotations for question marks the download dosent have any problems though.

[frisco]

tldr

no fucking kidding

Where am I

[Perro Mojado]

where are the cartoons moderfucker

[grimcity]

How big of a guy is Ben? He sounds like he should be hulkish in size.

[dancinginabar]

no, hes an average guy but hes got electrical powers and amplified strength because of his electrical nervous system, kinda of a cold, evil, tired, good looking face with sharp yellow eyes. But anyways what do you think of the story so far? Hes the protagonist and becomes sort of an antihero, realizing that meta-humans are just walking WMDs he decides they are too dangerous and decides killing all of them good and bad and this is the safest way to stop big brother from enforcing a police state, later on this includes locking in and burning a building of teenage superheroes to ensure the safety of the free world.

[dancinginabar]

Jimmie with black hair and taller

agent red

pretty on on the far right always dresses in white

Ben's suit with yellow blood stained cape and yello batman cowl without the ears and he has white slits for eyes

[bentmode]

Isn't this the same concept for Immortals?

[dancinginabar]

Isn't this the same concept for Immortals?

You didn't even read it did you?

[nice weather]

Only read two pages so far, so I can't say anything. I do however support if someone actually sits down and writes 23 somewhat coherent pages of anything.

Is the panel-by-panel format you wrote in how comics are being written? I always wondered.