Homies Doing Bad

[TerryFunk]

Just wanted to reach out to someone and talk a little bit about my homies who are on a bad path and just sadness around the topic in general.

One homie in particular I really worry about often. He’s got 2 kids & him and his baby momma just split up. He had quit drinking as much the past few months & stopped all the other shit he was doing (mostly Percs & Xans) now that they’ve split up he’s back on them hard. I worry about him a lot.

I’ve tried to help him when he was on destructive paths before but nothing really helps. Just gets me sad because I have very few friends left who haven’t went off the deep end, moved away & started a new life, or died. It’s just crazy because 12-15 years ago we were all skate rats and that’s all we did.

Sometimes I wish for those days back, just skating with the homies 8-9 hours a day, carefree & having fun. Then I remember those times are gone, those people are gone, and it’ll never be like that again.

I guess I’m just trying to connect with people who feel the same way. 

[botefdunn]

best way to be a friend is just to listen and give time, and fight the urge to be judgemental or tell them what they should do. That said, I will semi break my own rule and say that living in the past will only ever bum you out. Meet up with your friend and skate or kick it on a curb, probably the only thing stopping you is inertia and social pressure. Go outside and play.

[Mr. Kamikazi]

Set boundaries as tough as it may be.

Boundaries reduce strain & resentment.

[pugmaster]

Remember: If you ever lend people money, only lend them an amount that you don't mind ever having again. 99% of the time, you aren't going to get it back, and it can ruin friendships.

[fakie nollie]

Not sure how old you are but I’m in my mid 30’s and have lost tons of friends to drugs, gangs or just moving in reverse with shit lifestyles. The advice I wish I gave my 21 year old self is:
1. Don’t expect more of people than they’re capable of
2. People won’t fix themselves until they actually want to change
3. The greatest thing you can do to help someone in a rut is be a good example as a person with integrity/ drive and offer to bring them along if they’re willing
4. Unfortunately, if someone isn’t changing, you gotta space yourself and move on

[JM]

This thread has a lot of support and response:  https://www.slapmagazine.com/index.php?topic=115189.450

But to answer the call to find homies that feel the same way, yeah, I get really nostalgic thinking of my best skate friends in high school.  They moved on in life, got families, and generally are making a lot of money.  I feel really behind in life, but if I were to describe my actual situation, it might seem pretty good to someone else; so it's good to remember to try and find joy and happiness in what we DO have today.

I think my point is that, life is change, and there are those that are able to focus on the present and never give yesterday a second thought.... while others are tortured by thinking about the past and the good times then.  So, I guess I can only offer you confirmation that there are others who get nostalgic really bad, and it can be really rough. 

But to offer some hope, yeah, go out and get some skate in and be friendly to others you come across skating, becuase you never know what new friends you might make.  (I find a lot of joy from skating parks and saying what-up to the people I see constantly there.)

[GnarAlarm]

Remember: If you ever lend people money, only lend them an amount that you don't mind ever having again. 99% of the time, you aren't going to get it back, and it can ruin friendships.

Man this drums up a memory of my father and his advice to me about loaning money to friends.
He explained he loved giving money to friends because you pay a few bucks to learn who you can depend on.
He'd tell me, if anyone ever hits you up for money, and you have the means and want to help them (he put major emphasis on "want to"), tell them "I'll give you the money, it's not a loan, you can just have it".
They'll inevitably swear up and down that they'll pay you back, but assure them it's not necessary.
If they don't pay you back, you don't lose a friend. You wanted to help them and you did. You can still party with them.
If they DO pay you back, even despite your protests, that's a friend you know you can count on, keep that one around.

[Sila]

I feel this one heavily at the moment. Got a friend that's always on and off heroin. They'll appear at my door and I'm always happy to let them in but because they get so isolated they will often just motor mouth until no end and I'm too busy or exhausted and don't have the patience to deal with them.

They really need a proper therapist but have always refused to go down that road. Often they will just unload on whoever will take it. Their problems are way too complex for the average friend to deal with.

I've tried to get them involved in my personal art or music projects which include the occasional paid gigs but they always brush off the offers. They don't seem to have solid interests. I don't know what to do when some people seem beyond help.

[owlan]

It’s rough watching someone you care about spiral, especially when you’ve been through so much together. Maybe try checking in on him more often-just a quick text or call to say you’re thinking about him could help. And if he’s open to it, maybe suggest doing something fun together, like grabbing a coffee or hitting the skate park for old times’ sake