I need help.

[Pony_Slaystation]

I’m not one to post personal things..but I feel like I hit a breaking point and need to talk to someone, or just people in general.

I’m 33 years old. I live alone and have a full time job. I have a few friends that I’ve known for a long time, but I don’t see them nearly as much as I used to. I haven’t had a relationship in a long time, and not for a lack of trying either. I have a hard time making new friends. I have zero motivation to do anything anymore, and yes that includes skateboarding..something I once loved and had a passion for. I don’t sleep well anymore. I’ve been drinking and smoking weed a lot. I see a lot of my peers hitting these very meaningful life milestones, such as weddings, having kids etc..and I can’t even get a date. Even when I try to work on improving my life, nothing ever seems to change or go my way. I don’t look forward to the future nearly as much as I once did, and I constantly wish I was someone else instead of me. I’m sorry for this rant, I know it sounds super pathetic but I’ve been holding this in for a long time. I’ve been to therapy before and I’m on medication, but I just don’t think any of that stuff is working well for me.  When I was younger I never thought I would ever experience depression, or start having suicidal thoughts, but man was I wrong. I just feel super alone in all of this.

[easymoneysniper]

Aye man. I know I'm not the wisest nor the most experienced dude on here, so I'm not gonna try to enlighten you or anything. But I just wanna say that you're loved and that you have purpose and that you still have a lot of life to live. Yeah you're going through some shit right now, but you've gotten thru hard shit before. You're strong and you're capable, you just gotta put one foot in front of the other and trust that things will lighten up. There will always be ups and downs, what matters is what u learn from em and how u apply that to when u face more adversity in the future. Hope this helps even a little, and if not, then forget about it and take some better advice from the next man up. <3

[LUGR]

I feel you on this and recommend cutting the alcohol out of your life. I have felt similar ways to what you are describing and alcohol takes you to some dark and depressing places. It only makes your struggles worse. Anxiety, poor sleep, bloated and depression all sucks. After being totally sober for some time, I am blown away about how dark and negative my head space had become when I was self medicating with drinking.

Cutting the booze out won’t instantly solve all your problems, but it is a start to getting to a place mentally to start addressing the issues you want to improve. You are capable of doing anything you really want to do. My life is not perfect and I’m still dealing with some heavy shit that I can’t solve, still stuck on some stuff. But I don’t feel overwhelmed with the negativity and self destructive thoughts my mind was absorbed with while drinking daily.

Also, try not to worry about what other people are doing and where they are in life…. Easier said than done, but you are not them and they are not you. Get off social media for awhile if needed to accomplish this. Try to eat healthy, exercise and try to bring some fun back in life.

Feel free to PM if you want.

[Sila]

I've been in the same place endless times before with and without the booze. All I can say is don't get caught in the cycle of comparing yourself to others. Yeah people in your life may be hitting 'milestones' but life is a marathon and we are not running the same race. Sometimes these milestones aren't even the beacons of light people force them to be.

I remember when my sister told me she was pregnant and after the phone call I broke down, not out of happiness but because of how hopeless I felt in comparison. I was thinking fuck I can barely get out of bed to live my petty life yet my sister got a high paying job, marriage, and was pregnant all in the space of a year. So yeah, I've definitely been there.

All we can do is concentrate on the small wins daily and remember to thank yourself for at least trying. I promise there's things you've done in the past that make your current self better and that's reason enough to continue.

[devils acrobat]

Sorry to hear man, I have been through my own fair share of depression and loved ones around me. It sucks and never fully goes away. What really helped me was to accept it as 'it' being part of myself. You cant blame yourself for feeling what you are feeling and for being who you are. I cant really give advice but second the notion of comparison being the thief of joy. Instagram is the devil in this regard, same as drugs. Doing things slowly and with appreciation is key.
Anyway, you are not alone and you are worthy of love ❤️

[matt_2993]

Not alone in this. Good post

[Atiba Applebum]

Thanks for sharing with us.   You have a lot of the signals I had to be diagnosed with depression that comes from ADHD.   It sounds like you are receiving treatment.   I can’t speak much to the therapy side, but I will say keep trying to find the medication that works best for you.   It may not be the first or second thing you try, but don’t get discouraged and fall out of the scheduled dosage your doctor has you on to start or wean you off.    My worst times have been when I’ve missed out on doses (because of the ADHD thing). 

I take lexapro and for me it isn’t so much as about making me feel better but raising the floor of how far I can fall, which is what works for me now   

[dunc]

Stay strong. You are not alone. I'm 45 and have struggled with depression for 25 years.  It is a real challenge to get through dark times but it is always worth it when you do. People love you and you bring joy to others, even though you may not notice .
I too suggest getting rid of anything that can cause inflammation in your body. Alcohol is not helpful and the weed may need to be parked to help with sleep etc. Try and eat non processed foods and get out in nature if and when you can. Try something new to break the cycle and step out of your comfort zone.
Small steps help, as you may not find the energy to make huge changes. One small step In new direction is all it takes and you have already done that by reaching out to the PALS.
I can also suggest meditations. These have helped me find happiness internally rather than looking externally for things that will hopefully make me happier.  Dr Joe Dispenza has some interesting books and meditations that may or may not tickle your fancy. His shits a bit trippy but it works.
Take care man and we love you.

[Pony_Slaystation]

I was drunk when I posted this (go figure), so I feel a little embarrassed right now.

Regardless, thank you all for your insight and for letting me know that I am not alone. I really do appreciate you all even though we are just strangers on the internet 🙏. Dunc, the meditation thing sounds like something I’d be interested in. I’m willing to try anything new at this point. I just want to be my old self again.

Also, I am promising myself to stop drinking, starting today. Maybe weed too. I am going to seek therapy again too, but maybe try someone new this time and have a fresh start to it.

[mattchew]

I was drunk when I posted this (go figure), so I feel a little embarrassed right now.

Regardless, thank you all for your insight and for letting me know that I am not alone. I really do appreciate you all even though we are just strangers on the internet 🙏. Dunc, the meditation thing sounds like something I’d be interested in. I’m willing to try anything new at this point. I just want to be my old self again.

Also, I am promising myself to stop drinking, starting today. Maybe weed too. I am going to seek therapy again too, but maybe try someone new this time and have a fresh start to it.

I feel you but none of this is embarrassing, it’s rad that you reached out for help, not an easy thing to do at all. Cutting out booze and seeking a new therapist are such good choices, stoked for you. Be kind to yourself in the meantime, you’re completely worthy of self love.

[Pony_Slaystation]

Expand Quote

I was drunk when I posted this (go figure), so I feel a little embarrassed right now.

Regardless, thank you all for your insight and for letting me know that I am not alone. I really do appreciate you all even though we are just strangers on the internet 🙏. Dunc, the meditation thing sounds like something I’d be interested in. I’m willing to try anything new at this point. I just want to be my old self again.

Also, I am promising myself to stop drinking, starting today. Maybe weed too. I am going to seek therapy again too, but maybe try someone new this time and have a fresh start to it.

[close]

I feel you but none of this is embarrassing, it’s rad that you reached out for help, not an easy thing to do at all. Cutting out booze and seeking a new therapist are such good choices, stoked for you. Be kind to yourself in the meantime, you’re completely worthy of self love.

Appreciate that so much Mattchew

[Pony_Slaystation]

Also forgot to mention above that the social media/comparing myself to others point that some of you brought up is so true. Will definitely get off of that for a while. I think the illusion that everyone looks like their lives are perfect on Facebook/ instagram seems to get to my head sometimes.

[Dont]

Im in a similar boat however compared to the current events in this world my issues feel pretty insignificant. (Not to diminish your struggles.) This month I finally started going to the gym for a few quick sessions throughout the week and it helps my mental health in these difficult times. It gets easier to get myself to go once I get in the habit too. Could be worth a try?

[sometimeperhaps]

Best of luck, and good on you for recognizing there’s a problem and being proactive about it. Just take steps no matter the size in the right direction, and understanding it takes time will help you.

[RoaryMcTwang]

Expand Quote

I was drunk when I posted this (go figure), so I feel a little embarrassed right now.

Regardless, thank you all for your insight and for letting me know that I am not alone. I really do appreciate you all even though we are just strangers on the internet 🙏. Dunc, the meditation thing sounds like something I’d be interested in. I’m willing to try anything new at this point. I just want to be my old self again.

Also, I am promising myself to stop drinking, starting today. Maybe weed too. I am going to seek therapy again too, but maybe try someone new this time and have a fresh start to it.

[close]

I feel you but none of this is embarrassing, it’s rad that you reached out for help, not an easy thing to do at all. Cutting out booze and seeking a new therapist are such good choices, stoked for you. Be kind to yourself in the meantime, you’re completely worthy of self love.

^This! Good on you for reaching out 

[Newphone]

Good on you for reaching out man.  If you can put down the booze like you’re planning that could be a huge help.  It won’t fix all your problems but you might find it’s making a lot of them way harder to deal with, especially depression and motavation.  It’s hard to quantify how drastically loosing whatever you’re self medicating with can change things for the better, good for you for trying to take that step.

The instagram thing too, as people mentioned, can be tough.  Just seeing people’s highlight reels.



Not sure if you wanted advice, or encouragement, but we’re all giving it because you matter and you got this!

[Chavo]

You're at the age where you become aware of your own mortality and start to assess you life. Good thing is that you are still young enough to make drastic life changes (if that is your desire). We are heavily pushed into that lifestyle, but if you don't have or want a traditional domestic arrangement or kids, that is nothing to be ashamed of either.

I'm past achieving any of the typical adult milestones. Just winding down until it's my turn to expire.

[Gray Imp Sausage Metal]

Hey yo, was in a similar place at 33, felt really lost and disconnected from my former motivated self. Didn’t end up meeting my wife until I was 35 (after 7 years of being single). Started skating again once she got pregnant and now I have two kids, a house and I skate fairly regularly. No super deep advice, but don’t compare yourself to others and their timeline, you are on your own journey. I’m not gunna preach straight edge either, but you’re gunna regret the time you spent get shit faced when you should have been skating when you pick the board back up again…
I have a beer or wine once every now and then, but I lost a lot of my skate skills through being lazy and unfit in my early 30s

[Frank and Fred]

Early 30s were my absolute lowest. Seems like that's the case for a few PALs. But you have to walk through the dark to get to the light. Corny as it sounds. The potential for things to get better is really there. Take some time to go real deep and ponder it all. Don't shy away from the heavy questions. Whatever that takes, mediation, lifestyle improvements, exploration of religions/ philosophy/ ideas. Death contemplation. The existential journey is hard but well worth taking instead of avoiding.

[Pony_Slaystation]

You're at the age where you become aware of your own mortality and start to assess you life. Good thing is that you are still young enough to make drastic life changes (if that is your desire). We are heavily pushed into that lifestyle, but if you don't have or want a traditional domestic arrangement or kids, that is nothing to be ashamed of either.

I'm past achieving any of the typical adult milestones. Just winding down until it's my turn to expire.

So true, and thank you for your insight.

[Pony_Slaystation]

Early 30s were my absolute lowest. Seems like that's the case for a few PALs. But you have to walk through the dark to get to the light. Corny as it sounds. The potential for things to get better is really there. Take some time to go real deep and ponder it all. Don't shy away from the heavy questions. Whatever that takes, mediation, lifestyle improvements, exploration of religions/ philosophy/ ideas. Death contemplation. The existential journey is hard but well worth taking instead of avoiding.

Appreciate your response and I’m glad to hear I’m not alone in this (but at the same time, not happy to hear that others are having a hard time too..but you know what I mean).
It’s pretty crazy that one day I was happy go lucky with no care in the world, and then one day my brain did a complete 180. I was thinking about this last night actually- maybe part of it is that the younger we are, the more we idealize things and think that everything is going to work out in the end, but then when you’re older you realize life is not what you thought it would turn out to be? Idk, but either way I’m making it my goal to make significant changes.

[SneakySecrets]

I was drunk when I posted this (go figure), so I feel a little embarrassed right now.

Regardless, thank you all for your insight and for letting me know that I am not alone. I really do appreciate you all even though we are just strangers on the internet 🙏. Dunc, the meditation thing sounds like something I’d be interested in. I’m willing to try anything new at this point. I just want to be my old self again.

Also, I am promising myself to stop drinking, starting today. Maybe weed too. I am going to seek therapy again too, but maybe try someone new this time and have a fresh start to it.

I’ve seen two therapists, both of whom were brain dead morons. 

Both were also morbidly obese… but I’m willing to chalk that up to cosmic happenstance.

And in both cases we somehow ended up talking more about their lives than mine.

So in the midst of a catatonic depression, the likes of which I didn’t know the human animal was capable of, I’m now paying someone $200 an hour to instruct them on who their kids should sit apart from on the school bus as they’re noshing on M&Ms…

Anyways, I’ve met other therapists and found them all to be equally ineffective.  All caring empaths, but functionally clueless.

You’re better off telling your woes to a Roomba.

—

So good luck chatting it out, but for me, I’d rather jog a couple of miles and do some push-ups to quell the demons.  Save the co-pay.  That’s what I do anyways.

Sounds crazy, but kindly try it before you knock it.

[botefdunn]

Expand Quote

Early 30s were my absolute lowest. Seems like that's the case for a few PALs. But you have to walk through the dark to get to the light. Corny as it sounds. The potential for things to get better is really there. Take some time to go real deep and ponder it all. Don't shy away from the heavy questions. Whatever that takes, mediation, lifestyle improvements, exploration of religions/ philosophy/ ideas. Death contemplation. The existential journey is hard but well worth taking instead of avoiding.

[close]

Appreciate your response and I’m glad to hear I’m not alone in this (but at the same time, not happy to hear that others are having a hard time too..but you know what I mean).
It’s pretty crazy that one day I was happy go lucky with no care in the world, and then one day my brain did a complete 180. I was thinking about this last night actually- maybe part of it is that the younger we are, the more we idealize things and think that everything is going to work out in the end, but then when you’re older you realize life is not what you thought it would turn out to be? Idk, but either way I’m making it my goal to make significant changes.

Like Frank said, don't shy away from the questions. If you really don't want to be who you are, so much that you would consider ending your life, then you have no reason not to try make some changes. I know this sounds harsh, but you can always end it tomorrow: today, try and step outside of yourself and find a way to rediscover your life. Dreams wear out sometimes, and when they do they start to drag you down. You can make new ones, but you have to actually change how you live, which is scary and hard, but in the end not that complicated. Go somewhere or do something, make some choices and see them through, if they seem like terrible ideas you know you're on the right track, just see them through.
That's my fortune cookie rant, I hope you're okay and I wish you the best of luck.

[Pony_Slaystation]

Haven’t been on SLAP for a while, but just wanted to say that I haven’t had a sip of alcohol since I made this thread and I feel a million times better already. I’m also working on putting myself out there more and trying to make new friends in my area, which is tough, but I am trying. Just going to keep working on taking care of myself and making positive changes with my life. I have a much better attitude about the future now too. I know there are people on here who have reached out to me privately about similar issues they have been going through too, so just know that you’re not alone and please feel free to shoot me a message if you feel like you’re in a tough spot and I will do my best to get back to you.

Much love PALS