Author Topic: Crazy Ex Girlfriend Thread (Read 24209 times)

GarglesCmen · « **Reply #120 on:** November 29, 2011, 05:26:25 PM »

Quote from: steve on November 29, 2011, 04:45:47 PM

there's always the girl i worked with, she was 27 and i was 24, her name is liz. one night we were fucking. she was on top of me, and her being a ballet dancer made this quit pleasing. Anyways, i'm about to come and i say "oh fuck, i'm gonna come." she wraps her legs around mine and pushes down on my pelvis harder and says "i'm gonna have your baby!" I writhed in hope of escaping the psycho grip of her previously pleasurable muscular legs. unable to get out, i say "fuck you" and do a crocodile style death roll off the couch and onto the floor. she was forced to release as her head hit the coffee table.

i stopped seeing her after this. the next guy she slept with is now a father.

only way to do it

saucy ragu · « **Reply #121 on:** November 29, 2011, 10:12:16 PM »

Quote from: happenstance on November 29, 2011, 04:55:49 PM

Quote from: steve on November 29, 2011, 04:45:47 PM
Expand Quote
there's always the girl i worked with, she was 27 and i was 24, her name is liz. one night we were fucking. she was on top of me, and her being a ballet dancer made this quit pleasing. Anyways, i'm about to come and i say "oh fuck, i'm gonna come." she wraps her legs around mine and pushes down on my pelvis harder and says "i'm gonna have your baby!" I writhed in hope of escaping the psycho grip of her previously pleasurable muscular legs. unable to get out, i say "fuck you" and do a crocodile style death roll off the couch and onto the floor. she was forced to release as her head hit the coffee table.

i stopped seeing her after this. the next guy she slept with is now a father.

[close]
What. The. Fuck. This teaches you the importance of condoms, that is for sure.

I think this teaches you the importance of close observation of mating styles among the wild on Animal Planet more than anything else. In or out, you always need a plan.

KoRnholio8 · « **Reply #122 on:** November 30, 2011, 01:40:12 AM »

Quote from: steve on November 29, 2011, 04:45:47 PM

there's always the girl i worked with, she was 27 and i was 24, her name is liz. one night we were fucking. she was on top of me, and her being a ballet dancer made this quit pleasing. Anyways, i'm about to come and i say "oh fuck, i'm gonna come." she wraps her legs around mine and pushes down on my pelvis harder and says "i'm gonna have your baby!" I writhed in hope of escaping the psycho grip of her previously pleasurable muscular legs. unable to get out, i say "fuck you" and do a crocodile style death roll off the couch and onto the floor. she was forced to release as her head hit the coffee table.

i stopped seeing her after this. the next guy she slept with is now a father.

calling bullshit on this one - way to similar to a very popular FML. good story bro, though

steve · « **Reply #123 on:** November 30, 2011, 10:56:12 AM »

Quote from: KoRnholio8 on November 30, 2011, 01:40:12 AM

Quote from: steve on November 29, 2011, 04:45:47 PM
Expand Quote
there's always the girl i worked with, she was 27 and i was 24, her name is liz. one night we were fucking. she was on top of me, and her being a ballet dancer made this quit pleasing. Anyways, i'm about to come and i say "oh fuck, i'm gonna come." she wraps her legs around mine and pushes down on my pelvis harder and says "i'm gonna have your baby!" I writhed in hope of escaping the psycho grip of her previously pleasurable muscular legs. unable to get out, i say "fuck you" and do a crocodile style death roll off the couch and onto the floor. she was forced to release as her head hit the coffee table.

i stopped seeing her after this. the next guy she slept with is now a father.

[/quote

calling bullshit on this one - way to similar to a very popular FML. good story bro, though
[close]

think what you want, man. i worked in group homes for years. it was the most ridiculous job for after work drinking/sex.

this girl had some problems that i'm not getting into, like suicide attempts, psychiatric drug use, seizures that i didn't know about til she told me....

i remember she sent me a pic of her baby thru text message one night and it said some thing like "isn't she so calm." All i could think about was all the Xanax she was most likely on whilst pregnant and held myself back from saying "yeah, cause it's brain is a mush puppy."

fuck, i like having a decent girlfriend these days.

Joust Ostrich · « **Reply #124 on:** November 30, 2011, 01:14:32 PM »

Hey, just skimmed through this from the beginning, why isn't there one single fucking picture in here?

First of all, crazy chicks are usually hot. Otherwise you wouldn't have stuck around long enough to get the truly crazy stories. (Which I've read none of but will get back to them later)

Second of all, as a courtesy to others. If you see this girl, don't take her home with you. Bone her wherever you're at if you can, but don't take her home with you. Is that too much to ask?

KoRnholio8 · « **Reply #125 on:** November 30, 2011, 03:14:14 PM »

sheckler can relate. no chill girls anywhere, man

Killyourdreams · « **Reply #126 on:** December 02, 2011, 07:33:27 PM »

My girlfriend passed away in her sleep last night, so you have to learn to love the craziness sometimes. I loved how crazy she was.

Beer Keg Peg Leg · « **Reply #127 on:** December 02, 2011, 11:52:31 PM »

buttchin · « **Reply #128 on:** December 03, 2011, 01:47:05 AM »

Quote from: Killyourdreams on December 02, 2011, 07:33:27 PM

My girlfriend passed away in her sleep last night, so you have to learn to love the craziness sometimes. I loved how crazy she was.

Damn that sucks, best of luck to you man. She must be the reason for your username

pizzafliptofakie · « **Reply #129 on:** December 03, 2011, 02:02:41 AM »

Quote from: Killyourdreams on December 02, 2011, 07:33:27 PM

My girlfriend passed away in her sleep last night, so you have to learn to love the craziness sometimes. I loved how crazy she was.

That's fucked man. Sorry.

Killyourdreams · « **Reply #130 on:** December 03, 2011, 08:52:23 AM »

She was very happy, we were watching a movie, cuddlling, just being really close, her hand was in my shirt and we just felt so close and comfy, we had just promised eachother we would get me a job and stay together. She kept on saying she was happy and she looked healthy. She left like at 9:30 and we kissed one last time. She was perfect

not looking for sympathy on Slap but just thought I'd add that. She was only 20 and healthy and loved life

As for my Username I don't know why it's killyourdreams just the first thing that popped in my head.

Killyourdreams · « **Reply #131 on:** December 03, 2011, 08:58:27 AM »

One last picture sorry for bumming out this thread. I drew this perfect heart on this beautiful perfect person she was.

Stoeipoes · « **Reply #132 on:** December 03, 2011, 09:31:59 AM »

Damn.. That's a huge loss on such a young age. She looks really cute in that picture.

So she literally died in your arms? That's the saddest thing there is.

I'm really sorry for you man..

Killyourdreams · « **Reply #133 on:** December 03, 2011, 09:59:22 AM »

Quote from: Stoeipoes on December 03, 2011, 09:31:59 AM

Damn.. That's a huge loss on such a young age. She looks really cute in that picture.

So she literally died in your arms? That's the saddest thing there is.

I'm really sorry for you man..

She didn't die in my arms, her mom found her in the morning. It's unreal. I don't know why the best ones have to go.
Today it also snowed, she was waiting for the snow for such a long time. Me I wasn't because of skating. I promised myself I would enjoy the snow for her though

daddy · « **Reply #134 on:** December 03, 2011, 10:00:03 AM »

Quote from: Killyourdreams on December 03, 2011, 08:52:23 AM

She was very happy, we were watching a movie, cuddlling, just being really close, her hand was in my shirt and we just felt so close and comfy, we had just promised eachother we would get me a job and stay together. She kept on saying she was happy and she looked healthy. She left like at 9:30 and we kissed one last time. She was perfect

not looking for sympathy on Slap but just thought I'd add that. She was only 20 and healthy and loved life

As for my Username I don't know why it's killyourdreams just the first thing that popped in my head.

LykE Diz if U cRy eVaRytiME <3 <3 xxxx :O

Sorry man. That's real shitty

Killyourdreams · « **Reply #135 on:** December 03, 2011, 11:19:37 AM »

this goes in things your not stoked on.

Ripped Laces · « **Reply #136 on:** December 04, 2011, 05:46:41 PM »

Is there any way of restarting this thread? I'm not an example, I've been pretty lucky with my GF. I ask because this is the best source of entertainment as of late. Thank you all for heroically dealing with these women & then sharing it on SLAP.

finknoos · « **Reply #137 on:** December 05, 2011, 04:34:51 AM »

Quote from: Killyourdreams on December 03, 2011, 08:52:23 AM

She was very happy, we were watching a movie, cuddlling, just being really close, her hand was in my shirt and we just felt so close and comfy, we had just promised eachother we would get me a job and stay together. She kept on saying she was happy and she looked healthy. She left like at 9:30 and we kissed one last time. She was perfect

not looking for sympathy on Slap but just thought I'd add that. She was only 20 and healthy and loved life

As for my Username I don't know why it's killyourdreams just the first thing that popped in my head.

this bought a tear to me eye, my greatest condolances, losing a loved one is never easy

Killyourdreams · « **Reply #138 on:** December 05, 2011, 03:50:34 PM »

Quote from: finknoos on December 05, 2011, 04:34:51 AM

Quote from: Killyourdreams on December 03, 2011, 08:52:23 AM
Expand Quote
She was very happy, we were watching a movie, cuddlling, just being really close, her hand was in my shirt and we just felt so close and comfy, we had just promised eachother we would get me a job and stay together. She kept on saying she was happy and she looked healthy. She left like at 9:30 and we kissed one last time. She was perfect

not looking for sympathy on Slap but just thought I'd add that. She was only 20 and healthy and loved life

As for my Username I don't know why it's killyourdreams just the first thing that popped in my head.

[close]

Thanks man! I've been doing better I guess, sorry to the slap pals for ruining this thread, maybe I'll think of a funny story to reboot this entertaining thread.

this bought a tear to me eye, my greatest condolances, losing a loved one is never easy

sultsult · « **Reply #139 on:** December 05, 2011, 09:36:19 PM »

this doesnt totally count since i didnt date this chick, but i want to tell it for the sake of someone on here remembering it...

when i was an innnocent (virginal) young 14 year old skater i loved to spend my time posting on SLAP (this is around 2001-2002) and the tite bros of SLAP would often get together in AIM chats.. through my nyc slap pals, this chick started getting into the chats. she was apparently a model and really hot, had met this dude jason who posted in real life too.. I think she was like 23 at the time. anyways, we started chatting alot online out of the chatroom and somehow she got really into me. like she started calling me, and this was before cell phones with anytime minutes and whatnot, she was spending like 30-50$ to talk with me on the phone for a few hours... got to where she was planning on coming out to WA to stay with me and take my virginity. she said she wanted to fuck someone who wasnt all jaded and dickish like the guys she chilled with in nyc.. i cant remember if i asked my mom is she could stay or not, but either way, one day she just toally blew me off, saying i was telling everyone shit about her (which i probably had told someone what she was planning on) and that i was just an asshole like the rest of the guys.. I was so bummed at the time.. we were only friends on friendster (she blocked me after the "break up" though so i would creep on her through pat o'dells page)... anyways yeah probably the only crazy chick i have ever dealt with... oh and sorry i wish i had pics, she looked amazing

Greg Ostertag · « **Reply #140 on:** December 05, 2011, 10:09:08 PM »

That story put My Dick on Danny Bonaduce, and that's it.

Alan · « **Reply #141 on:** December 06, 2011, 12:51:29 AM »

Quote from: sultsult on December 05, 2011, 09:36:19 PM

this doesnt totally count since i didnt date this chick, but i want to tell it for the sake of someone on here remembering it...

when i was an innnocent (virginal) young 14 year old skater i loved to spend my time posting on SLAP (this is around 2001-2002) and the tite bros of SLAP would often get together in AIM chats.. through my nyc slap pals, this chick started getting into the chats. she was apparently a model and really hot, had met this dude jason who posted in real life too.. I think she was like 23 at the time. anyways, we started chatting alot online out of the chatroom and somehow she got really into me. like she started calling me, and this was before cell phones with anytime minutes and whatnot, she was spending like 30-50$ to talk with me on the phone for a few hours... got to where she was planning on coming out to WA to stay with me and take my virginity. she said she wanted to fuck someone who wasnt all jaded and dickish like the guys she chilled with in nyc.. i cant remember if i asked my mom is she could stay or not, but either way, one day she just toally blew me off, saying i was telling everyone shit about her (which i probably had told someone what she was planning on) and that i was just an asshole like the rest of the guys.. I was so bummed at the time.. we were only friends on friendster (she blocked me after the "break up" though so i would creep on her through pat o'dells page)... anyways yeah probably the only crazy chick i have ever dealt with... oh and sorry i wish i had pics, she looked amazing

What was her user name? I don't remember any girls from that period except for Malia and Tal (who actually made a soft porn set a few years back).

happenstance · « **Reply #142 on:** December 06, 2011, 01:06:54 AM »

Quote from: sultsult on December 05, 2011, 09:36:19 PM

this doesnt totally count since i didnt date this chick, but i want to tell it for the sake of someone on here remembering it...

when i was an innnocent (virginal) young 14 year old skater i loved to spend my time posting on SLAP (this is around 2001-2002) and the tite bros of SLAP would often get together in AIM chats.. through my nyc slap pals, this chick started getting into the chats. she was apparently a model and really hot, had met this dude jason who posted in real life too.. I think she was like 23 at the time. anyways, we started chatting alot online out of the chatroom and somehow she got really into me. like she started calling me, and this was before cell phones with anytime minutes and whatnot, she was spending like 30-50$ to talk with me on the phone for a few hours... got to where she was planning on coming out to WA to stay with me and take my virginity. she said she wanted to fuck someone who wasnt all jaded and dickish like the guys she chilled with in nyc.. i cant remember if i asked my mom is she could stay or not, but either way, one day she just toally blew me off, saying i was telling everyone shit about her (which i probably had told someone what she was planning on) and that i was just an asshole like the rest of the guys.. I was so bummed at the time.. we were only friends on friendster (she blocked me after the "break up" though so i would creep on her through pat o'dells page)... anyways yeah probably the only crazy chick i have ever dealt with... oh and sorry i wish i had pics, she looked amazing

Girls that tell guys they will take their virginity and then don't do it need prison sentences. When you are young and think you are going to get some and they back out it is soul-crushing! When I was 16 I had this woman at my work tell me the same thing. We even planned a day. I was supposed to have friends over and she was going to come with her friends and then she was to stay the night at the end of it. Her friend allegedly talked her out of it the night this was to happen. My personal well-being was blue-balled, I was pretty bummed! I think the possibility of sex entering my mind somehow made the stars align and I lost my virginity 2 weeks later to another woman from my work.

vince the stud · « **Reply #143 on:** December 06, 2011, 05:41:54 AM »

hooking up with a girl on slap must be the ultimate skate geek accomplishment.

would.

sultsult · « **Reply #144 on:** December 06, 2011, 06:50:31 AM »

Quote from: vince the stud on December 06, 2011, 05:41:54 AM

hooking up with a girl on slap must be the ultimate skate geek accomplishment.

would.

the girl i was talking about didnt post, just was in the off forum chats haha... i did almost chill with a girl form slap back in the day too though

Karlos · « **Reply #145 on:** December 06, 2011, 07:55:23 AM »

like when she inhales all your shoe-goo and it wont stick on dem shoes anymore