Hooker stories are cool

[Nanda Zinger]

So any of you cats gotten hookers? I nearly got killed trying to get one once. I was wasted in the TL district of SF and the bars were closed so I figured I might as well pay for affection. Well that was a bad decision.  A homie that lived in that area was like "yeah I'll show you where the hooks are" so off we rolled. I asked every crackhead where I could pay for trim. One had an abundance of refry cigarettes so I asked to bum one. Then another and another. Also he was down to show where the hooks were. They were shorts. So eventually he tells my friend, "I don't mind giving your friend these smokes but he may go crazy from all these". Yes, I was wasted so I assumed them being dark weird cigarette shorts meant they were just dirty. I mean hell, this is in the tenderloin. But actually they were dipped in pcp.  Anyways, the bum guides us to this disgusting old hooker lady at eddy n jones street. She says "hey cutie" and I say "umm sorry I'm not interested". Anyways the bum that guided me to this foul hook at least wanted ten bucks for the fact he directed me to a hook. Obviously I said "fuck no" so he pulled a knife on me, so I ran down a steep sf street hella fast, forgetting that my friend was on crutches and couldn't run. I looked up the hill and see my friend walking casually with the knife pulling bum. Eventually I meet up with my friend and he calmly said "the crackhead didn't wanna stab me, just you because you asked him where the hooks were and didn't pay him". Got home at like 6am and started feeling beyond gnarly from the pcp. Woke up 5 hours later and headed to Wallenberg for the back to the berg contest and made out with some chick and drank some plastic bottle vodka at the contest. She kept ignoring her bf that was there too and telling him to go to 3rd n army and skate with his friends so.me n her could hook up. Eventually he leaves, so.me n girl go to hook up in an alley and a neighbor sees us and starts yelling. Still high on pcp I dip from the scene and skate away. Two days later I get a random call from an sf area code. Apparently the chicks bf went through her phone and saw her texts to me. He asked if I fucked his girl and I said "no, just made out" so he was friendly and said "ok that's cool man". To this day I have never fucked a hooker. It lead to a weird chain of events.

[shark tits]

that story rules! i've had a couple friends pay a hooker in crack [east coast] or meth [west coast] to give me a blowjob but i always fuck up and do the drugs w/ the hooker and end up w/ no blowjob.
whenever i get my scrill, like the days leading up i plan on getting a main south crackwhore, getting jammed and my dick sucked [even though nothing comes out when you're jammed] but i just cop instead or on a brighter day get a deck, shoes or something.
honestly if i ever got a hooker it would break my downward spiral or boring inertia but it's more socially acceptable to get high w/ a buddy then go halves on a hooker so nothing reminds me.
one other thing, they wanna charge stupid high prices. hour minimum? fuck outta here, blowjob on the train tracks and split a half gram. real johns have cars and jobs, i got a skate and 'artist grant'.
once though smoking crack in the TL my buddy got 2 blowjobs and his bank card ganked but i didn't get anything but crack high.

[ADOLF SHITLER]

you niggas are asking for diseases fuckin around with hos from the tenderloin

[GoodguyEh]

does the killing of a hooker count as a story?

[wallieD]

that's so rude he gave you all those pcp sticks and you wouldn't even give him 10 dollars? i swear some people don't have any morals smdh

[Willie]

For a while I really desperate and wanted to go to a massage parlor but I kept wimping out when I would get near the door.

I did learn however that anytime you see nondescript door in the city with an abnormally legible address it's probably a massage parlor.

[Nanda Zinger]

that's so rude he gave you all those pcp sticks and you wouldn't even give him 10 dollars? i swear some people don't have any morals smdh

i actually didn't have a dollar on me which makes the whole story more ridiculous. I coulda died that night. In my drunk mindstate I thought I could aquire the trim and leave without paying.

[vegan*shawn]

My first apartment in the TL had a an old bitter queen for a apartment manager that hated the hookers, he would hook up a hose in the basement and spray them if they came near the apartment. He also told me that I would be evicted if he caught me bringing a hooker into the apartment building.

[Kolostrum]

Couple of years ago I was in Atlanta and I thought, "why not I'm on vacation". Picked up this girl and we get back to my hotel.  She takes off her jeans and her legs are literally covered in these gnarly deep wounds some of which looked infected. I get head, and some doggy, all of which lasted about 30min. We get ready to leave and everything is cool. As soon as we get into my car she starts demanding cash for a full two hours and says I was wasting her time. She pulls out this huge blade and says shes not getting out of the car until she gets paid. So now I'm stuck in the car w/ this crazy bitch, racing down the street to find an ATM and thinking "how am I gonna get this knife away from her?". We get to this store, I get out withdraw 50 bucks, tell her that everything in my account and her demeanor instantly changes. She's like "sweetie I wasn't gonna stab you," and gets out like nothing happened.

Lesson here: Don't pick up street hookers, they're usually crazy, on drugs, or both. From now on out I stick to well reviewed high class escorts on backpage.

[KUberry]

Always pay the hooker. I wouldn't want to send Vinnie and Paulie to break some kneecaps. Daddy always gets paid.

[Ron B]

Someone once put my phone number on an escort website. My phone was constantly being bombarded with calls & text messages by guys  who wanted "bareback blowjobs". I guess that was my specialty

[Tarela]

Couple of years ago I was in Atlanta and I thought, "why not I'm on vacation". Picked up this girl and we get back to my hotel.  She takes off her jeans and her legs are literally covered in these gnarly deep wounds some of which looked infected. I get head, and some doggy, all of which lasted about 30min. We get ready to leave and everything is cool. As soon as we get into my car she starts demanding cash for a full two hours and says I was wasting her time. She pulls out this huge blade and says shes not getting out of the car until she gets paid. So now I'm stuck in the car w/ this crazy bitch, racing down the street to find an ATM and thinking "how am I gonna get this knife away from her?". We get to this store, I get out withdraw 50 bucks, tell her that everything in my account and her demeanor instantly changes. She's like "sweetie I wasn't gonna stab you," and gets out like nothing happened.

Lesson here: Don't pick up street hookers, they're usually crazy, on drugs, or both. From now on out I stick to well reviewed high class escorts on backpage.

Sounds like you werent the first dude to think that

[givecigstosurfgroms]

kolostrum got his dick hard and "got doggy" from a girl who walked into a room with many open sores on her legs? Were you on viagra or somthing? I was walkin down the street on a sunny day and a sweet native hooker hit me up for a blowjob .  I said "whaddabout 6$ 50cents" and she was down.  She masturbated and I think we both came it was suprising cause it was kinda hot.

[Gray Imp Sausage Metal]

She takes off her jeans and her legs are literally covered in these gnarly deep wounds some of which looked infected.

[Mouth]

No boner could survive this thread.

[Dark Knight]

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She takes off her jeans and her legs are literally covered in these gnarly deep wounds some of which looked infected.

[close]

And you still hit it?  That's just insane

[KING TUT]

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She takes off her jeans and her legs are literally covered in these gnarly deep wounds some of which looked infected.

[close]

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And you still hit it?  That's just insane badass

[Dark Knight]

http://ratchetmessreturns.tumblr.com/post/104045755507/this-is-so-damn-messy-a-follower-submitted-this

[Rockin Robbin]

Eddie Murphy has a good one.