Author Topic: best way to eat a burger  (Read 2674 times)

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eight two fives

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Re: best way to eat a burger
« Reply #30 on: January 06, 2019, 12:56:46 AM »
Anyone who doesn't cut is just lazy
Bet you use a fork and knife for your pizza too, you fucking ninny.

Ama Person

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Re: best way to eat a burger
« Reply #31 on: January 06, 2019, 04:27:07 AM »
A large tattooed and bearded man ordered all you can eat cheeseburgers at a truck stop restaurant.  They were massive burgers and he used a spoon to ingest them.  He ordered at least three.  He used a spoon to eat cheeseburgers.  It was something to appreciate.

Bagelskate

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Re: best way to eat a burger
« Reply #32 on: January 06, 2019, 04:52:02 AM »
Expand Quote
Anyone who doesn't cut is just lazy
[close]
Bet you use a fork and knife for your pizza too, you fucking ninny.

We talkin pizza now?? New York style for days and If you ainít folding it, I donít trust you. Unless itís deep dish. It hasnít happened yet but someday I will drunkenly order Lou malnotis to be shipped. Sober me is more frugal.

guest1

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Re: best way to eat a burger
« Reply #33 on: January 06, 2019, 06:51:08 AM »
New York style for days and If you ainít folding it, I donít trust you.

Peter Zagreus

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Re: best way to eat a burger
« Reply #34 on: January 06, 2019, 08:27:35 AM »
You ask me about a hamburger. My attempt to reciprocate is cut brutally short as my body experiences a sudden lack of electrons. Across a variety of hidden dimensions you are dismayed. John Lennon hands me an apple, but it slips through my fingers. I am reborn as an ocelot. You disapprove. A crack echoes through the universe in defiance of conventional physics as cosmological background noise shifts from randomness to a perfect A Flat. Children everywhere stop what they are doing and hum along in perfect pitch with the background radiation. Birds fall from the sky as the sun engulfs the earth. You hesitate momentarily before allowing yourself to assume the locus of all knowledge. Entropy crumbles as you peruse the information contained within the universe. A small library in Phoenix ceases to exist. You stumble under the weight of everythingness, Your mouth opens up to cry out, and collapses around your body before blinking you out of the spatial plane. You exist only within the fourth dimension. The fountainhead of all knowledge rolls along the ground and collides with a small dog. My head tastes sideways as spacetime is reestablished, you blink back into the corporeal world disoriented, only for me to hand you a hamburger as my body collapses under the strain of reconstitution. The universe has reasserted itself. A particular small dog is fed steak for the rest of its natural life. You die in a freak accident moments later, and you soul works at the returns desk for the Phoenix library. You disapprove. Your disapproval sends ripples through the inter-dimensional void between life and death. A small child begins to cry as he walks toward the stairway where his father stands. I give you a hamburger. The universe is engulfed within itself. A bus advertising hotdogs drives by a papillon. It disapproves. An unnatural force reverses Earth's gravity. You ask for a hamburger. I reciprocate with a mildly convulsing potato. You disapprove. Your disapproval releases a cosmic shift in the void between birth and life. You ask for a hamburger. A certain small dog feasts on hamburger patties for the rest of its unnatural, eternal endurance. Your constant disapproval sends silence through everything. A contrived beast becomes omnipotent. You ask for a hamburger. I give you a hamburger your body becomes an unsettled blob of nothingness, then divides by three. The papillon barks. The universe realigns itself. You, the papillon, and the hamburger disapprove. This condemnation stops the realignment. Hades freezes over. A pig is launched is launched into the unoccupied existence between space and time with a specific hamburger. You ask for a hamburger. I give you a hamburger. It screams as you lift it to your face. You laugh maniacally as I plead with you. You devour the hamburger as it pleads for mercy. I disapprove and condemn you to an eternity in a certain void where a certain pig and its specific hamburger are located. The Universal Space-time Continuum Committee disapproves of my irrational decision. You are locked away and are fed hamburgers for the rest of your natural existence. A pickle refuses to break down during the process of digestion. You die in a freak accident. A certain pickle lives the rest of its life in a comatose state. Your soul disapproves. Down the street a child cries as a hamburger gets stuck in, and climbs back up, her esophagus. You ask again for a hamburger. I refuse to reciprocate. You demand a lawyer. I remind you harshly that this is the new world order. Lawyers no longer exist. Only papillons. Your name is written on a list of sins. Blasphemy. You ask for a hamburger. The comatose pickle vanquishes your soul from this universe. Realignment occurs. You beg for a hamburger. A certain papillon's name is written on an obelisk in Egypt. Mumble. Peasants worship the obelisk. Your soulless corpse partakes in the festivity. Hamburgers are banned universally. The sun implodes. All planets cease to have ever existed. Mercury. Venus. Earth. Mars. Jupiter. Saturn. Uranus. Neptune. Pluto is the only mass in existence. Conveniently, you are on vacation here. Your need for hamburgers re-establishes space-time. Earth is recreated under your intergalactic rule. Hamburgers are your army. You wake up. Clowns. Clowns everywhere. Your dream rushes to meet you. You are kidnapped. You ask for a hamburger. They hand you a hotdog.

QFT

essal

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Re: best way to eat a burger
« Reply #35 on: January 06, 2019, 01:35:48 PM »
i find that you need to eat it upside down. basically the top of the bun is usually more structurally sound than the bottom, so then it won't fall apart.

JB

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Re: best way to eat a burger
« Reply #36 on: January 06, 2019, 07:25:00 PM »
i find that you need to eat it upside down. basically the top of the bun is usually more structurally sound than the bottom, so then it won't fall apart.

Depends how it's put together. If you put your burger patty on the bottom, then yeah, upside down it's probably the way to go. To go right side up, you gotta layer your veggies on the bottom to keep the bottom bun dry. It's all about strategy.

ChrisLambe94

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Re: best way to eat a burger
« Reply #37 on: January 06, 2019, 10:41:07 PM »

redcurb12

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Let me preface this post with the fact that I am slightly inebriated, very uneducated and I havent read any papers or done any research at all, or read your post really.

whale

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Re: best way to eat a burger
« Reply #39 on: January 07, 2019, 12:53:41 PM »

redcurb12

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Re: best way to eat a burger
« Reply #40 on: January 07, 2019, 01:01:25 PM »
this thread has turned into worst way to eat a burger
Let me preface this post with the fact that I am slightly inebriated, very uneducated and I havent read any papers or done any research at all, or read your post really.

Spacesuit

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Re: best way to eat a burger
« Reply #41 on: January 08, 2019, 06:26:00 AM »
what have you done of my thread ?! an innocent gastronomical topic mutated ina complex of abhorrence XD