SOBRIETY

[Big Baby Jesus]

Amazing to see every one’s successes in this thread. I just hit 5 years back in January 11th. It’s been motivational and inspiring to see so many others on their journey. Keep up the great work pals!

[Sleazy]

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I have cut off most social events but yesterday I went to see the GZA. Club was full of old heads getting drunk. Not only was I not tempted but I found it repulsive to see how they turned into blabbering idiots as the time moved on. Also most of them looked hella unhealthy. Maybe I am really over it. Might as well after five years off the sauce.

Anyway, hang in there bros, being sober may be tough but being an alkie is much worse in the long run.

[close]

I feel you on that one. I took my daughter to see Angel maker at this park called Empire room in Austin. The show got rain delayed and we ended up hanging out in the bar and just looking at all the locals. I was texting my wife and saying these people are clearly not living very healthy. I’m only seven months in and I look at things way differently.

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Been feeling kind of squirrelly and having some booze thoughts lately. Wanted to speak (type?) the truth of it rather than keep it bottled in. Encouraging and inspiring to see everyone finding new freedom away from a drink. To those struggling, I feel you right now!

[close]

@mfweeno

What situations are getting you to feel a little Squirrley?

[close]

Appreciate you asking, man. I'm definitely doing better than I was when I typed that.

I think I'm just still ultimately learning to deal with life on life's terms. I start fantasizing about escaping into my old habits again when life feels too overwhelming or monotonous. I have to remember I can only take things one moment at a time and to be grateful for what's in front of me.

i had excessive bordum around 7-9 at night after dinner for a while. i'd just sit on the couch and stare at the TV after dinner. eventually it just stopped being a focus for me.

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coffee is rough on my stomach too. had to stop cold brew. i really like the don't drink for first 60-90 minutes hack with caffine. it's been a game changer for me. for the stomach acid i've started taking acid reducers from the pharmacy.

[close]

Yeah I feel most days I'm able to achieve that, today for example I was already up for 45min or so before I even got the brew going. The baking soda seems to have helped though! None of the usual mid coffee bs tummy ache type stuff.

@hmmoookay can you share more about what you are doing with baking soda and coffee? this seems cool

[hmmoookay]

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I have cut off most social events but yesterday I went to see the GZA. Club was full of old heads getting drunk. Not only was I not tempted but I found it repulsive to see how they turned into blabbering idiots as the time moved on. Also most of them looked hella unhealthy. Maybe I am really over it. Might as well after five years off the sauce.

Anyway, hang in there bros, being sober may be tough but being an alkie is much worse in the long run.

[close]

I feel you on that one. I took my daughter to see Angel maker at this park called Empire room in Austin. The show got rain delayed and we ended up hanging out in the bar and just looking at all the locals. I was texting my wife and saying these people are clearly not living very healthy. I’m only seven months in and I look at things way differently.

Expand Quote

Been feeling kind of squirrelly and having some booze thoughts lately. Wanted to speak (type?) the truth of it rather than keep it bottled in. Encouraging and inspiring to see everyone finding new freedom away from a drink. To those struggling, I feel you right now!

[close]

@mfweeno

What situations are getting you to feel a little Squirrley?

[close]

Appreciate you asking, man. I'm definitely doing better than I was when I typed that.

I think I'm just still ultimately learning to deal with life on life's terms. I start fantasizing about escaping into my old habits again when life feels too overwhelming or monotonous. I have to remember I can only take things one moment at a time and to be grateful for what's in front of me.

[close]

i had excessive bordum around 7-9 at night after dinner for a while. i'd just sit on the couch and stare at the TV after dinner. eventually it just stopped being a focus for me.

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coffee is rough on my stomach too. had to stop cold brew. i really like the don't drink for first 60-90 minutes hack with caffine. it's been a game changer for me. for the stomach acid i've started taking acid reducers from the pharmacy.

[close]

Yeah I feel most days I'm able to achieve that, today for example I was already up for 45min or so before I even got the brew going. The baking soda seems to have helped though! None of the usual mid coffee bs tummy ache type stuff.

[close]

@hmmoookay can you share more about what you are doing with baking soda and coffee? this seems cool

On a base level, I am simply adding a bit of it to my coffee after I'm done brewing it. I usually do pour overs / aeropress which, I guess I never really thought about it, actually helps to decrease acidity already because the water contact is pretty short rather than sitting with the grounds like a coffee maker.

What I have thought about trying though, and I think I will later today when I get home from work, is mixing the baking soda in with the grounds and then carrying out the pour over process. I wanna try this for two reasons. 1. In theory, it should do the exact same thing as mixing it after the fact in terms of helping reduce acidity, which in turn helps my stomach. 2. From a brewing standpoint, I'm curious as to if the bubbly reactive nature of water to baking soda has any effect on bloom and overall brew time because of how active it would make the grounds relative to their normal gas releases.

I read through this website the other day and while there seem to be a number of ways to reduce acidity for both taste and sensitive stomach, baking soda seems to be doing the trick for now so I'm gonna keep rolling with it.

https://mybigfatgrainfreelife.com/2023/06/how-to-make-coffee-alkaline.html

[pugmaster]

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I have cut off most social events but yesterday I went to see the GZA. Club was full of old heads getting drunk. Not only was I not tempted but I found it repulsive to see how they turned into blabbering idiots as the time moved on. Also most of them looked hella unhealthy. Maybe I am really over it. Might as well after five years off the sauce.

Anyway, hang in there bros, being sober may be tough but being an alkie is much worse in the long run.

[close]

I feel you on that one. I took my daughter to see Angel maker at this park called Empire room in Austin. The show got rain delayed and we ended up hanging out in the bar and just looking at all the locals. I was texting my wife and saying these people are clearly not living very healthy. I’m only seven months in and I look at things way differently.

Expand Quote

Been feeling kind of squirrelly and having some booze thoughts lately. Wanted to speak (type?) the truth of it rather than keep it bottled in. Encouraging and inspiring to see everyone finding new freedom away from a drink. To those struggling, I feel you right now!

[close]

@mfweeno

What situations are getting you to feel a little Squirrley?

[close]

Appreciate you asking, man. I'm definitely doing better than I was when I typed that.

I think I'm just still ultimately learning to deal with life on life's terms. I start fantasizing about escaping into my old habits again when life feels too overwhelming or monotonous. I have to remember I can only take things one moment at a time and to be grateful for what's in front of me.

[close]

i had excessive bordum around 7-9 at night after dinner for a while. i'd just sit on the couch and stare at the TV after dinner. eventually it just stopped being a focus for me.

Expand Quote

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coffee is rough on my stomach too. had to stop cold brew. i really like the don't drink for first 60-90 minutes hack with caffine. it's been a game changer for me. for the stomach acid i've started taking acid reducers from the pharmacy.

[close]

Yeah I feel most days I'm able to achieve that, today for example I was already up for 45min or so before I even got the brew going. The baking soda seems to have helped though! None of the usual mid coffee bs tummy ache type stuff.

[close]

@hmmoookay can you share more about what you are doing with baking soda and coffee? this seems cool

[close]

On a base level, I am simply adding a bit of it to my coffee after I'm done brewing it. I usually do pour overs / aeropress which, I guess I never really thought about it, actually helps to decrease acidity already because the water contact is pretty short rather than sitting with the grounds like a coffee maker.

What I have thought about trying though, and I think I will later today when I get home from work, is mixing the baking soda in with the grounds and then carrying out the pour over process. I wanna try this for two reasons. 1. In theory, it should do the exact same thing as mixing it after the fact in terms of helping reduce acidity, which in turn helps my stomach. 2. From a brewing standpoint, I'm curious as to if the bubbly reactive nature of water to baking soda has any effect on bloom and overall brew time because of how active it would make the grounds relative to their normal gas releases.

I read through this website the other day and while there seem to be a number of ways to reduce acidity for both taste and sensitive stomach, baking soda seems to be doing the trick for now so I'm gonna keep rolling with it.

https://mybigfatgrainfreelife.com/2023/06/how-to-make-coffee-alkaline.html

I was using baking soda with water for a brief period of time and it was wild how noticeable it was when I would piss. It became soothing. The difference in acidity was remarkable. I stay away from it now because I need to chill on sodium consumption, but may try it with coffee just for fun.

[hmmoookay]

One last baking soda coffee update so I don't derail the thread further; not worth trying to mix in the baking soda with the grounds for brew. Way too much carbonic acid fizzing around in combination with the natural gas release of the grounds themselves. Not worth it. As I mentioned I make pourovers, I would by no means try this in an automatic coffee maker, that would probably be a huge mess.

In conclusion; a bit of baking soda in your already brewed morning coffee can appear to go a long way when it comes to sensitive stomachs. Def worth trying out, especially for us pals in this specific thread who may have stomach issues/sensitivities stemming from, possibly, our past habits.

[Freelancevagrant]

I got sober in 2015 at the behest of my ex-wife. We split up in the tail end of 2022 and if I’m being honest with myself, I think I only stayed sober through last year out of a hope she would take me back. Now at this point it’s abundantly clear I will never be in her life again and it’s been a serious struggle to not drink myself to death. Everyday is an eternity. But still sober.

[hmmoookay]

I got sober in 2015 at the behest of my ex-wife. We split up in the tail end of 2022 and if I’m being honest with myself, I think I only stayed sober through last year out of a hope she would take me back. Now at this point it’s abundantly clear I will never be in her life again and it’s been a serious struggle to not drink myself to death. Everyday is an eternity. But still sober.

My first serious attempt to stay sober, outside of all the little other attempts over the years, was right before my ex and I split up towards the end of 2020. We were together almost 10 years, through almost my whole 20's. To say she and her family were a huge part of my life is an understatement. Anyway, the writing on the wall was there but I knew that my drinking at the very least pushed her away in the end and I was hoping somehow I could show her I was getting it together. Not to get into it too much but she moved states for work so in reality she wasn't seeing that I was trying, even if I tried to show it from afar, the damage was done.

3 years and some change on and I'll be honest that first year removed from that relationship pulled me right back in to the same old habits. You've got more sober years than I, so I know you know this, but going back again for another year just amplified that pain I was feeling and was definitely not worth it. Sobriety continues to teach me lessons about letting the world happen around you, staying focused on what you can control, and all of that was stripped away from me when I kept going off the wagon. Do I miss that person I was around for so long? Absolutely. But the reality now is that we have both changed and quite frankly I don't recognize who she even is anymore, at least from afar. I kind of take comfort in that now, but it took time for sure, and I hope you find the same kind of solace soon.

[NoComply180]

I got sober in 2015 at the behest of my ex-wife. We split up in the tail end of 2022 and if I’m being honest with myself, I think I only stayed sober through last year out of a hope she would take me back. Now at this point it’s abundantly clear I will never be in her life again and it’s been a serious struggle to not drink myself to death. Everyday is an eternity. But still sober.

fuck man. I can’t imagine how difficult shit must be for you right now. I don’t have any advice, just hope you can stay strong.

[Freelancevagrant]

@hmmoookay I’m in a kind of similar situation. We got together when I was 23, got married a year or so later, bought a house in may of 2022, and on my 32nd birthday in October, it all imploded. She had a boyfriend before the year was up. There’s a lot more to it but it’s besides the point, ya know?

I’ve thought a lot about what would happen if I start drinking again. I’m well aware it’s a zero sum game, and essentially just long form, passive, suicide. Which, if we’re keeping it a buck, is admittedly appealing in some ways. But for now, at least for today, gotta stay sober because who knows what tomorrow brings. Maybe Kat Dennings gonna slide into my dm’s and I’ll finally land a tre tres hahah

@NoComply180 big love homie. Greatly appreciated my dude. It hasn’t been all doom and gloom, and I’ve enjoyed getting to do whatever I want to but there’s times where it gets real dark, and I’d give anything back to have what I lost.

[IUTSM]

@hmmoookay I’m in a kind of similar situation. We got together when I was 23, got married a year or so later, bought a house in may of 2022, and on my 32nd birthday in October, it all imploded. She had a boyfriend before the year was up. There’s a lot more to it but it’s besides the point, ya know?

I’ve thought a lot about what would happen if I start drinking again. I’m well aware it’s a zero sum game, and essentially just long form, passive, suicide. Which, if we’re keeping it a buck, is admittedly appealing in some ways. But for now, at least for today, gotta stay sober because who knows what tomorrow brings. Maybe Kat Dennings gonna slide into my dm’s and I’ll finally land a tre tres hahah

@NoComply180 big love homie. Greatly appreciated my dude. It hasn’t been all doom and gloom, and I’ve enjoyed getting to do whatever I want to but there’s times where it gets real dark, and I’d give anything back to have what I lost.

yo player. stick with bananas and energy drinks. i know how you do. phukin powah food. love to you bruddah. of all of em, i'm glad you're alive n hangin' dong

[Coastal Fever]

Massive respect, Freelance.  Might not feel like it, but you’re killing it right now by staying booze free.  33 is young, and there’s definitely buttery tricks and bangin babes in your future if you keep taking care of yourself.  Sending you all the good vibes.

[NoComply180]

Man, I feel like brain is starting to play catch up on 15+ years of not fully processing emotions/experiences/feelings. Can be a bit overwhelming. Really realizing just how much booze shaped my life in ways I didn’t realize, even when it was just a weekends thing in college and what not. Kinda questioning my life a lot.


On a positive note - all the above doesn’t make me want to drink.

[Peter Zagreus]

Strength and love to all the pals dealing with the psychological/emotional challenges that come with sobriety, but I have a question relating to the "lower" faculties:

Anybody else deal with digestive issues after they stopped drinking? I'm a couple of months into sobriety and I've gone from taking substantial dumps just about every day (when I was drinking regularly) to taking these meager little half-shits now that I'm sober. My diet isn't terrible or particularly low on fiber and I probably eat more now that I'm not worried about trying to balance my booze and food calories, but my shits are just not there. I'm not experiencing any pain or constipation per se, but it's like my digestive system is on low battery mode or recalibrating or something. Idk what to think.

[NoComply180]

Strength and love to all the pals dealing with the psychological/emotional challenges that come with sobriety, but I have a question relating to the "lower" faculties:

Anybody else deal with digestive issues after they stopped drinking? I'm a couple of months into sobriety and I've gone from taking substantial dumps just about every day (when I was drinking regularly) to taking these meager little half-shits now that I'm sober. My diet isn't terrible or particularly low on fiber and I probably eat more now that I'm not worried about trying to balance my booze and food calories, but my shits are just not there. I'm not experiencing any pain or constipation per se, but it's like my digestive system is on low battery mode or recalibrating or something. Idk what to think.

drinking gave me diarrhea for the last 5+ years of it - a week or so into sobriety I had my first solid, satisfying tree trunk breaking off in my ass kind of dump in years.

[Freelancevagrant]

Can vouch for the above. I’ve got ulcerative colitis, which the booze definitely exacerbated, but I’ll never forget passing a fucking duraflame log when I first dried out.

[type]

I did have a lapse of judgment yesterday, I havent been on the darkweb since I got sober but yesterday i hopped on to see what was up with it. Sure enough different markets are now the new thing, and the only thing stopping me from ordering xanax and heroin was that I dont have any money. When I got sober I also stopped selling drugs so Ive been broke ever since.

I kinda fear for when I get a job Im just gonna fall right back into addiction. In some ways I feel like im staying broke just so I can stay sober.

[type]

Also have been getting some teeth pulled at a couple of places and apparently they stopped giving prescriptions to painkillers for afterword, I remember before this whole opiod crisis getting painkillers for a pulled tooth no problem now I guess theyre scared to.

[Sleazy]

@Freelancevagrant sorry to hear. that's one of the hardest situations in life to deal with. sending you good vibes

[Xen]

I'll be 3 years sober in May. Like smoking, one day I just said no more (however this was after making the switch to tequila only, no yummy bourbon or wine, as I felt it would help me taper off).

I also had to friends that were bad and enablers, I cut them out of my life.

Clarity, focus energy, lowered blood pressure (mine goes thru the fucking roof when I drink) lost weight/got ripped, not tired at the gym, can skate more/whenever the homies txt - saves.so.much.money (money I put into getting my bloodwork done and levels adjusted).

I miss it when I'm bored and socializing (all my drinking friends all but dropped off, never get invites out anymore, fuck them anyway I drank when bored so I tried to fill those gaps....I'd go skate or play more games, read, do a bit more work, whatever instead of drinking and watching fucking shows....I drank, varying amounts 6pm - 10pm that was the window (I wasn't cracking box wine at 2pm until the pandemic, full bottles of everything were going down too easy that's what pushed me to stop - I

Boredom and anxiety, it helped me GET to sleep but the sleep was shit. I, too, use sleepy time tea (extra, with valerian) as well as these: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BWPKRMV2?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details, all in addition to some doctor prescribed theanine mixes...oh and I also love LOVE caffeine (so even more anxiety); I still do coffee and green tea, but usually for pre-workouts (ditched energy drinks and pre-workout supps) and not first thing in the morning.

It's hard, but keep at it you can do it - it's takes massive balls to admit there is a problem, let alone come on here and voice that out in the open. If *I* can do it, you can too. Go you - I am proud of you.

[fs1/2cab]

I did have a lapse of judgment yesterday, I havent been on the darkweb since I got sober but yesterday i hopped on to see what was up with it. Sure enough different markets are now the new thing, and the only thing stopping me from ordering xanax and heroin was that I dont have any money. When I got sober I also stopped selling drugs so Ive been broke ever since.

I kinda fear for when I get a job Im just gonna fall right back into addiction. In some ways I feel like im staying broke just so I can stay sober.

Will xanax and heroin improve anything in your life? Why do you think, that you need it? I think you already came a long way being sober, why do you wanna destroy it all again? No judgement mate, we are with you and all fight our battles. We have to be stronger as the demons.

[Fishhb]

9 years free of alcohol and hard drugs and 6 weeks free from weed for me

[type]

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I did have a lapse of judgment yesterday, I havent been on the darkweb since I got sober but yesterday i hopped on to see what was up with it. Sure enough different markets are now the new thing, and the only thing stopping me from ordering xanax and heroin was that I dont have any money. When I got sober I also stopped selling drugs so Ive been broke ever since.

I kinda fear for when I get a job Im just gonna fall right back into addiction. In some ways I feel like im staying broke just so I can stay sober.

[close]

Will xanax and heroin improve anything in your life? Why do you think, that you need it? I think you already came a long way being sober, why do you wanna destroy it all again? No judgement mate, we are with you and all fight our battles. We have to be stronger as the demons.

I really just want to improve my mood. Nothing defeats depression better than a hit of heroin, nothing gets me out of my own head like a xanax. Trying to self medicate. Its just been rough having to learn how to live with this depression ive always had, on top of that I take anti psychotics that leave me like a lifeless zombie. Its tough inside my head. Really I just have to stay off the markets to not get tempted.

[NoComply180]

9 years free of alcohol and hard drugs and 6 weeks free from weed for me

congrats dude that’s major! What made you decide to quit weed too?

@type depression sucks. I hope you stay strong and clean. Nothing good comes from the dark web.



Without alcohol, I’m losing a little bit of weight and taking better care of my health issues that have caused chronic pain and kept me from doing many things that I love, including skating. I haven’t skated since July 2021. I think when I hit 2 months (march 1) I’m going to reward myself with a new complete and see if I can push around. Shit, even if I can’t yet maybe I can buttboard around my neighborhood. There’s some kids on bikes who I see around, maybe they’ll accept a limping 30 something into their crew.

[Fishhb]

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9 years free of alcohol and hard drugs and 6 weeks free from weed for me

[close]

congrats dude that’s major! What made you decide to quit weed too?

@type depression sucks. I hope you stay strong and clean. Nothing good comes from the dark web.



Without alcohol, I’m losing a little bit of weight and taking better care of my health issues that have caused chronic pain and kept me from doing many things that I love, including skating. I haven’t skated since July 2021. I think when I hit 2 months (march 1) I’m going to reward myself with a new complete and see if I can push around. Shit, even if I can’t yet maybe I can buttboard around my neighborhood. There’s some kids on bikes who I see around, maybe they’ll accept a limping 30 something into their crew.

Thanks I really appreciate the support my problem is I can’t do anything I’m moderation I got a two year old and another on the way and I just don’t want them to grow up around my substance abuse issues. So I just replace my unhealthy addiction’s with healthier ones like skating and surfing but I really just want to be a good dad and set good examples

[NoComply180]

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9 years free of alcohol and hard drugs and 6 weeks free from weed for me

[close]

congrats dude that’s major! What made you decide to quit weed too?

@type depression sucks. I hope you stay strong and clean. Nothing good comes from the dark web.



Without alcohol, I’m losing a little bit of weight and taking better care of my health issues that have caused chronic pain and kept me from doing many things that I love, including skating. I haven’t skated since July 2021. I think when I hit 2 months (march 1) I’m going to reward myself with a new complete and see if I can push around. Shit, even if I can’t yet maybe I can buttboard around my neighborhood. There’s some kids on bikes who I see around, maybe they’ll accept a limping 30 something into their crew.

[close]

Thanks I really appreciate the support my problem is I can’t do anything I’m moderation I got a two year old and another on the way and I just don’t want them to grow up around my substance abuse issues. So I just replace my unhealthy addiction’s with healthier ones like skating and surfing but I really just want to be a good dad and set good examples

Hell yeah, what a great move on your part for you and your kiddos. Smart man.

[Fishhb]

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I did have a lapse of judgment yesterday, I havent been on the darkweb since I got sober but yesterday i hopped on to see what was up with it. Sure enough different markets are now the new thing, and the only thing stopping me from ordering xanax and heroin was that I dont have any money. When I got sober I also stopped selling drugs so Ive been broke ever since.

I kinda fear for when I get a job Im just gonna fall right back into addiction. In some ways I feel like im staying broke just so I can stay sober.

[close]

Will xanax and heroin improve anything in your life? Why do you think, that you need it? I think you already came a long way being sober, why do you wanna destroy it all again? No judgement mate, we are with you and all fight our battles. We have to be stronger as the demons.

[close]

I really just want to improve my mood. Nothing defeats depression better than a hit of heroin, nothing gets me out of my own head like a xanax. Trying to self medicate. Its just been rough having to learn how to live with this depression ive always had, on top of that I take anti psychotics that leave me like a lifeless zombie. Its tough inside my head. Really I just have to stay off the markets to not get tempted.

Hey man I’ve been in your shoes and everything theses substances improve only mask the problem and just dig you deeper in that hole try focusing on the other things that make you feel good like skating you can beat this

[hmmoookay]

This far into my sobriety I have generally been able to kind of just accept life on life's terms and try to smile and continue forward. That doesn't mean I haven't had bad days and all that, but I'm pretty sure I had some kind of dissociative / anxiety attack last night. Long story short, I have had a pretty stressful couple weeks at work, which culminated Friday after an email from another employee, kind of questioning my job performance (really generalized way of putting it, worth mentioning this person is not my boss or has any actionable power over me) and despite doing my job very fucking well for 5 years now it really, really got to me. Friday was the first time I had to seriously sit with myself and tell myself that any escape was not worth it (for me that would be drinking). #1, I cant believe I let someones opinion, as short sighted as it is, get to me like that. But I have a feeling that was just the cherry on top so I cant blame them 100% but #2, this was a serious reminder that no matter how positive I can try to be, none of us are immune to the intrusive thoughts of times gone by where our past selves would have just poured gasoline all over our emotions.

I'm feeling better today, good enough at least. I did reach out to some close friends not so much to say "hey, I'm worried about drinking" but just giving them a similar rundown of the situation so they were at least aware I was pretty fucking stressed out. Those folks would know how to talk me down if need be. Anyway I just kind of wanted to get that off my chest a bit. Last night was really weird and (hopefully) just the tail end of a stressful period of time. I was questioning my entire life choices, felt so hopeless and lost, I truly don't want to feel those things again given how sure I am that I'm doing the best that I can, but we all know how unpredictable life is so that's an unrealistic expectation.

Thankful for this thread to be able to spell things out, much love y'all.

[Fishhb]

This far into my sobriety I have generally been able to kind of just accept life on life's terms and try to smile and continue forward. That doesn't mean I haven't had bad days and all that, but I'm pretty sure I had some kind of dissociative / anxiety attack last night. Long story short, I have had a pretty stressful couple weeks at work, which culminated Friday after an email from another employee, kind of questioning my job performance (really generalized way of putting it, worth mentioning this person is not my boss or has any actionable power over me) and despite doing my job very fucking well for 5 years now it really, really got to me. Friday was the first time I had to seriously sit with myself and tell myself that any escape was not worth it (for me that would be drinking). #1, I cant believe I let someones opinion, as short sighted as it is, get to me like that. But I have a feeling that was just the cherry on top so I cant blame them 100% but #2, this was a serious reminder that no matter how positive I can try to be, none of us are immune to the intrusive thoughts of times gone by where our past selves would have just poured gasoline all over our emotions.

I'm feeling better today, good enough at least. I did reach out to some close friends not so much to say "hey, I'm worried about drinking" but just giving them a similar rundown of the situation so they were at least aware I was pretty fucking stressed out. Those folks would know how to talk me down if need be. Anyway I just kind of wanted to get that off my chest a bit. Last night was really weird and (hopefully) just the tail end of a stressful period of time. I was questioning my entire life choices, felt so hopeless and lost, I truly don't want to feel those things again given how sure I am that I'm doing the best that I can, but we all know how unpredictable life is so that's an unrealistic expectation.

Thankful for this thread to be able to spell things out, much love y'all.

I had someone tell me when i first quit drinking “it gets easier but it never get easy” I think things like this remind up how fragile things are and kinda helps keep us on track the day I think I got it beat is the day I start drinking again. Good luck out there

[Kook Me Amadeus]

10 months of not drinking for health reasons and it’s surprising how all cravings are gone.  Impressed by how adaptable the human mind/body is.  Mostly just about declining it in situations when it’s offered.  I used to explain, but now I just say ‘no thanks’ and it’s not a big deal. 

[hmmoookay]

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This far into my sobriety I have generally been able to kind of just accept life on life's terms and try to smile and continue forward. That doesn't mean I haven't had bad days and all that, but I'm pretty sure I had some kind of dissociative / anxiety attack last night. Long story short, I have had a pretty stressful couple weeks at work, which culminated Friday after an email from another employee, kind of questioning my job performance (really generalized way of putting it, worth mentioning this person is not my boss or has any actionable power over me) and despite doing my job very fucking well for 5 years now it really, really got to me. Friday was the first time I had to seriously sit with myself and tell myself that any escape was not worth it (for me that would be drinking). #1, I cant believe I let someones opinion, as short sighted as it is, get to me like that. But I have a feeling that was just the cherry on top so I cant blame them 100% but #2, this was a serious reminder that no matter how positive I can try to be, none of us are immune to the intrusive thoughts of times gone by where our past selves would have just poured gasoline all over our emotions.

I'm feeling better today, good enough at least. I did reach out to some close friends not so much to say "hey, I'm worried about drinking" but just giving them a similar rundown of the situation so they were at least aware I was pretty fucking stressed out. Those folks would know how to talk me down if need be. Anyway I just kind of wanted to get that off my chest a bit. Last night was really weird and (hopefully) just the tail end of a stressful period of time. I was questioning my entire life choices, felt so hopeless and lost, I truly don't want to feel those things again given how sure I am that I'm doing the best that I can, but we all know how unpredictable life is so that's an unrealistic expectation.

Thankful for this thread to be able to spell things out, much love y'all.

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I had someone tell me when i first quit drinking “it gets easier but it never get easy” I think things like this remind up how fragile things are and kinda helps keep us on track the day I think I got it beat is the day I start drinking again. Good luck out there

Yep, I definitely subscribe to all the cliches, they're cliche for a reason after all. But when things are going "well" it's can be easy to forget, you know? Good luck to you too Pal, feelin' much better today. Thankful.