A good fresh bagel can be eaten and enjoyed with no adjustments;
No butter, no cream cheese, no lox, no eggs, no meat etc...
Every type toasted and butter-soaked is great, especially raisin bagels (maybe not so much for salt or everything bagels.) Cream cheese goes good on most. Bacon egg and cheese on a onion bagel is mighty tasty. Pork roll egg and cheese on an egg bagel isn't too far behind.
Gimme a fresh plain bagel toasted with salted -butter. Throw on pork roll, eggs cooked with black pepper, a sharp cheddar, chives, mayo and sriracha and I'd be happy.
I can't relate to that bourgeois Mikey guy at all. Jonah at least acted in roles that reminded me of being an fat kid and Spike made videos/movies that made me say "whoa!"