Author Topic: bedroom fails  (Read 1469 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

rawbertson.

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 6872
  • Rep: 1025
  • yo yo, yo yo yo yo
    • my youtube avatar image
  • SLAP OG SLAP OG : Been around since SLAP was a mag.
  • User is on moderator watch listWatched
bedroom fails
« on: December 08, 2020, 06:57:53 AM »
one time i managed to convince this girl to come to my friend's house after a bar and started making out with her and took her one titty out, but then she started puking. never saw her again after that.

one time i was making out with this chick in my parents grimey basement and my nose started bleeding all over her face. never saw her again after that.

one time i was fingering this girl when smashed and rammed my brutally soft wang into her vag and thought it seemed very dry. then i realized it was her butthole. saw her again after that and i think it was mutual that it was an honest mistake, but it didnt work out.

one time i took this girl out for dinner at this bomb restaurant, had primo conversation about music and skateboarding, took her to my apartment that was spotless clean and smoked mad primo weed, watched baker deathwish tour, then finger blasted her. she basically just said "i cant have a bf right now. that was nice though, thanks, gtg gg". never saw her again after that. should never have given the blastoise without getting the ekans first.
ONTARIO CANADA

pizzafliptofakie

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 6694
  • Rep: 1472
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2020, 07:07:19 AM »
I still feel so bad when I think about this, but one time after me and my gf at the time finished a round of doing it I sat up to get dressed and she sorta like tickled me from behind. I'm insanely ticklish so I reacted quickly and accidentally elbow'd her in the face kinda hard. She was cool about it, but I still feel bad.

Grind King Rims

  • Guest
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2020, 12:39:12 PM »

EXTRA SPICY

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 3151
  • Rep: 199
  • Low Scovilles
  • SLAP OG SLAP OG : Been around since SLAP was a mag.
    Bronze Topic Start Bronze Topic Start : Start a topic with over 1,000 replies.
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2020, 02:28:59 PM »
https://www.slapmagazine.com/index.php?topic=42479.2190

Where I do enjoy that thread. I think this warrants a separate discussion.

Will contribute later.
ian too busy taking pictures of naked white girls to ever release a part two

matty_c

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 2465
  • Rep: 344
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2020, 12:59:17 AM »
Fell asleep inside the same girl maybe three times
I’m telling ya, women hate this

Another time the girl and I were wasted and she wanted to mess around with my penis, she was pretty enthusiastic and ended up vomiting in my lap
It was all cold, you coulda drunk it, it was just booze

This story is from the bros, so years ago two of them were making out with two girls in the dark on the same bed, absolutely wasted
P’s kissing this girls and someone starts sucking his thumb
He’s not stupid but he suppressed a laugh and hit H up the next day, cunt goes all weird
He never admitted it but it was him that was sucking my other mates thumb, the silly cunt
listen to cosmic psychos

TheBoognish

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 868
  • Rep: 100
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2020, 03:06:19 AM »
This happened about 10 years ago when I used to go to bars.

Girl brings me home for sexy times, and damn was she ever beautiful. We're both quite drunk. We sit on the couch for one last drink and a joint of hash before doing the nasty, I was so ready to get it on with her.

 Next thing I know I wake up the following morning fully clothed still on her couch sitting upright with glass of wine still firmly in hand. I passed the fuck out.

I left quietly and full of shame, thing is, I didn't know where I was and I didn't have a smartphone then. Walked about 5 km's before I realized where I was and had to call a friend from a payphone to come get me.


That's about as bad as it got, looks like some of you had it worse than me.

theSketchLord

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 740
  • Rep: 42
    • https://images.scribblelive.com/2021/1/4/ca9a0ca8-586d-41e3-ad94-131825707ea0.gif avatar image
  • Bronze Topic Start Bronze Topic Start : Start a topic with over 1,000 replies.
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #6 on: December 09, 2020, 03:42:18 AM »
I went back to a girls house once to stay the night and hopefully more.
Get back to her place and it's this full on smackie den, mattresses folded against the walls for couches and just people passed out all over the place.

Ended up sleeping in this grimy bed fully clothed, didn't even try to touch her.
At some point her ex comes in off his face and starts yelling some shit, the next morning rain had flooded the place.
I fucking got the fuck out, grabbed the train and went home.

Only upside was I got to watch the Thing for the first time.
"Broke the tail, like a well oiled snail"

Betaphenylethylalamine

  • Trade Count: (-2)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 3300
  • Rep: -134
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #7 on: December 09, 2020, 06:28:01 AM »
one time i managed to convince this girl to come to my friend's house after a bar and started making out with her and took her one titty out, but then she started puking. never saw her again after that.

one time i was making out with this chick in my parents grimey basement and my nose started bleeding all over her face. never saw her again after that.

one time i was fingering this girl when smashed and rammed my brutally soft wang into her vag and thought it seemed very dry. then i realized it was her butthole. saw her again after that and i think it was mutual that it was an honest mistake, but it didnt work out.

one time i took this girl out for dinner at this bomb restaurant, had primo conversation about music and skateboarding, took her to my apartment that was spotless clean and smoked mad primo weed, watched baker deathwish tour, then finger blasted her. she basically just said "i cant have a bf right now. that was nice though, thanks, gtg gg". never saw her again after that. should never have given the blastoise without getting the ekans first.

I hope you were 16 when all of this happened.

Gentleman ninja warlock

arrbee

  • Trade Count: (+6)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 2344
  • Rep: 316
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #8 on: December 09, 2020, 06:48:17 AM »
The homie set me up with one of his wife's friends for a quick one and done. I meet up with them at the bar after work, we all get hammered, I end up back at her place, we're both way too wasted to make it happen so we sleep it off. Get at it in the morning, maybe my worst performance ever. Quick is an understatement, I get embarrassed and roll out to get ready for work. Didn't even exchange numbers, the whole ordeal embarrassing.

We've been together since, going on 7 years, married for 4. Turns out I failed at one night stand.
Quote from: DaveFuck
youre fucking FRIED if you think im gonna listen to dan corrigan talk about cariuma


rawbertson.

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 6872
  • Rep: 1025
  • yo yo, yo yo yo yo
    • my youtube avatar image
  • SLAP OG SLAP OG : Been around since SLAP was a mag.
  • User is on moderator watch listWatched
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2020, 10:18:37 AM »
Expand Quote
one time i managed to convince this girl to come to my friend's house after a bar and started making out with her and took her one titty out, but then she started puking. never saw her again after that.

one time i was making out with this chick in my parents grimey basement and my nose started bleeding all over her face. never saw her again after that.

one time i was fingering this girl when smashed and rammed my brutally soft wang into her vag and thought it seemed very dry. then i realized it was her butthole. saw her again after that and i think it was mutual that it was an honest mistake, but it didnt work out.

one time i took this girl out for dinner at this bomb restaurant, had primo conversation about music and skateboarding, took her to my apartment that was spotless clean and smoked mad primo weed, watched baker deathwish tour, then finger blasted her. she basically just said "i cant have a bf right now. that was nice though, thanks, gtg gg". never saw her again after that. should never have given the blastoise without getting the ekans first.
[close]

I hope you were 16 when all of this happened.

more like 19-20. if you were on the boards back then you would know i was (still am) very immature
ONTARIO CANADA

NORTHBYMIDWEST

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 519
  • Rep: 55
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #10 on: December 09, 2020, 10:25:51 AM »
This happened about 10 years ago when I used to go to bars.

Girl brings me home for sexy times, and damn was she ever beautiful. We're both quite drunk. We sit on the couch for one last drink and a joint of hash before doing the nasty, I was so ready to get it on with her.

 Next thing I know I wake up the following morning fully clothed still on her couch sitting upright with glass of wine still firmly in hand. I passed the fuck out.

I left quietly and full of shame, thing is, I didn't know where I was and I didn't have a smartphone then. Walked about 5 km's before I realized where I was and had to call a friend from a payphone to come get me.


That's about as bad as it got, looks like some of you had it worse than me.

This also happened to me...... but with my buddy's mom at his highschool graduation party. Most disappointed in myself I've ever been. It was getting pretty late and both of us were drunk as shit. She was sitting on the deck out back smoking a cigarette and I went over and bummed one off her and we start bullshitting about random shit and all the sudden she's like " J.D. would you fuck me?" and I'm like "Yeah". We start half-ass making out and I remember going to get another beer or some shit and the next thing I know I'm waking up on their couch. My buddy's bitch ass cousin is all like "J.D. what was going on with you and Brenda last night?" I'm like "what?".  At this point dude's whole family is pretty much looking like they're gonna beat my ass until one of my other friends jumps in and tells cuz it was some other dude (not currently at the house) cozying up to their mom/aunt/sister and everybody pretty much chilled out and forgot about the whole thing. Except for me, I've never forgiven myself for passing out.

EXTRA SPICY

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 3151
  • Rep: 199
  • Low Scovilles
  • SLAP OG SLAP OG : Been around since SLAP was a mag.
    Bronze Topic Start Bronze Topic Start : Start a topic with over 1,000 replies.
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #11 on: December 09, 2020, 06:57:20 PM »
Mountain top escapades with some high-end Taiwan mom for the first time. I couldn’t keep it fully up due to nervousness and chill factor. I was wearing an alpaca beanie and thought I was smelling wet deer the whole time, which spooked me more. Not a good look for a dude who was on a wild land firefighting team at the time.

I got wild drunk in downtown LA with a bondage model and I watched her eat pickled eggs from Philippe’s on the train ride back to the IE for an hour or so. The moment before we got to the stop I couldn’t hold my piss anymore and had to let it loose. I wet myself in the train while walking out and then left snail trail on the sidewalk for a hundred feet or so. She was totally ok with it, offered a shower, PJ’s, and laundry at her place. I accomplished all of those, passed out socks on, and got kicked out in the morning for not performing. We made amends later that week.
ian too busy taking pictures of naked white girls to ever release a part two

Peepeeboy69

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 331
  • Rep: 12
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #12 on: December 09, 2020, 07:43:38 PM »
i lost my virginity to a girl who said she would only fuck me after i peed on her so i did

still the only girl i have ever fucked :/

Manny Fapuiao

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 510
  • Rep: 95
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #13 on: December 09, 2020, 07:56:16 PM »
Mountain top escapades with some high-end Taiwan mom for the first time. I couldn’t keep it fully up due to nervousness and chill factor. I was wearing an alpaca beanie and thought I was smelling wet deer the whole time, which spooked me more. Not a good look for a dude who was on a wild land firefighting team at the time.

I got wild drunk in downtown LA with a bondage model and I watched her eat pickled eggs from Philippe’s on the train ride back to the IE for an hour or so. The moment before we got to the stop I couldn’t hold my piss anymore and had to let it loose. I wet myself in the train while walking out and then left snail trail on the sidewalk for a hundred feet or so. She was totally ok with it, offered a shower, PJ’s, and laundry at her place. I accomplished all of those, passed out socks on, and got kicked out in the morning for not performing. We made amends later that week.
having to piss on the train is a visceral experience
I've had a better understanding of what is happening around me while smoking Salvia as a passenger in a moving vehicle than reading your post

trashparty

  • Guest
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #14 on: December 09, 2020, 07:58:56 PM »
i lost my virginity to a girl who said she would only fuck me after i peed on her so i did

still the only girl i have ever fucked :/

username checks out

matty_c

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 2465
  • Rep: 344
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #15 on: December 09, 2020, 08:59:48 PM »
The homie set me up with one of his wife's friends for a quick one and done. I meet up with them at the bar after work, we all get hammered, I end up back at her place, we're both way too wasted to make it happen so we sleep it off. Get at it in the morning, maybe my worst performance ever. Quick is an understatement, I get embarrassed and roll out to get ready for work. Didn't even exchange numbers, the whole ordeal embarrassing.

We've been together since, going on 7 years, married for 4. Turns out I failed at one night stand.

Love this
Fuck yeah bro
listen to cosmic psychos

Gray Imp Sausage Metal

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 13354
  • Rep: -810
  • We're just 2 lo(b)s(t)ers sitting behind a screen
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #16 on: December 10, 2020, 05:42:16 AM »
Expand Quote
i lost my virginity to a girl who said she would only fuck me after i peed on her so i did

still the only girl i have ever fucked :/
[close]

username checks out

"This is untrue, my client has not been attacked in every country" #endlesstoecapsforthepuffyfooter

Sila

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 1656
  • Rep: 202
  • Jamu Gost
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #17 on: December 10, 2020, 06:43:03 AM »
I don't know if this was a fail but one time this punk girl took me home, got on top and started riding me raw while wearing an oversized shiny silver pvc dress. She was super skinny. The dress was really distracting. I stopped it when I realized I had no condom on. We were very wasted. But damn, i'm a safe sex kind of guy.
« Last Edit: December 11, 2020, 12:17:03 AM by Sila »

Xen

  • Trade Count: (+5)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 5996
  • Rep: 408
  • Go Faster!
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #18 on: December 10, 2020, 11:38:54 PM »
one time i managed to convince this girl to come to my friend's house after a bar and started making out with her and took her one titty out, but then she started puking. never saw her again after that.

one time i was making out with this chick in my parents grimey basement and my nose started bleeding all over her face. never saw her again after that.

one time i was fingering this girl when smashed and rammed my brutally soft wang into her vag and thought it seemed very dry. then i realized it was her butthole. saw her again after that and i think it was mutual that it was an honest mistake, but it didnt work out.

one time i took this girl out for dinner at this bomb restaurant, had primo conversation about music and skateboarding, took her to my apartment that was spotless clean and smoked mad primo weed, watched baker deathwish tour, then finger blasted her. she basically just said "i cant have a bf right now. that was nice though, thanks, gtg gg". never saw her again after that. should never have given the blastoise without getting the ekans first.

So, she only had one titty?

Grind King Rims

  • Guest
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #19 on: December 11, 2020, 01:55:11 AM »
I don't know if this was a fail but one time this punk girl took me home, got on top and started riding me raw while wearing an oversized shiny silver pvc dress. She was super skinny. The dress was really distracting. I stopped it when I realized I had no condom on. We were very wasted. But damn, i'm a safe sex kind of guy.

Safe sex is great sex—better wear a latex
'Cause you don't want that late text, that "I think I'm late" text

Sila

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 1656
  • Rep: 202
  • Jamu Gost
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #20 on: December 11, 2020, 02:02:25 AM »
Expand Quote
I don't know if this was a fail but one time this punk girl took me home, got on top and started riding me raw while wearing an oversized shiny silver pvc dress. She was super skinny. The dress was really distracting. I stopped it when I realized I had no condom on. We were very wasted. But damn, i'm a safe sex kind of guy.
[close]

Safe sex is great sex—better wear a latex
'Cause you don't want that late text, that "I think I'm late" text


What

arrbee

  • Trade Count: (+6)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 2344
  • Rep: 316
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #21 on: December 11, 2020, 02:46:01 AM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
I don't know if this was a fail but one time this punk girl took me home, got on top and started riding me raw while wearing an oversized shiny silver pvc dress. She was super skinny. The dress was really distracting. I stopped it when I realized I had no condom on. We were very wasted. But damn, i'm a safe sex kind of guy.
[close]

Safe sex is great sex—better wear a latex
'Cause you don't want that late text, that "I think I'm late" text

[close]

What

Not a lil Wayne fan?
Quote from: DaveFuck
youre fucking FRIED if you think im gonna listen to dan corrigan talk about cariuma


Sila

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 1656
  • Rep: 202
  • Jamu Gost
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #22 on: December 11, 2020, 02:56:55 AM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
I don't know if this was a fail but one time this punk girl took me home, got on top and started riding me raw while wearing an oversized shiny silver pvc dress. She was super skinny. The dress was really distracting. I stopped it when I realized I had no condom on. We were very wasted. But damn, i'm a safe sex kind of guy.
[close]

Safe sex is great sex—better wear a latex
'Cause you don't want that late text, that "I think I'm late" text

[close]

What
[close]

Not a lil Wayne fan?

No.


Grind King Rims

  • Guest
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #23 on: December 11, 2020, 06:02:11 AM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
I don't know if this was a fail but one time this punk girl took me home, got on top and started riding me raw while wearing an oversized shiny silver pvc dress. She was super skinny. The dress was really distracting. I stopped it when I realized I had no condom on. We were very wasted. But damn, i'm a safe sex kind of guy.
[close]

Safe sex is great sex—better wear a latex
'Cause you don't want that late text, that "I think I'm late" text

[close]

What

I said, "Safe sex is great sex—better wear a latex
'Cause you don't want that late text, that 'I think I'm late' text"

Sila

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 1656
  • Rep: 202
  • Jamu Gost
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #24 on: December 11, 2020, 06:21:35 AM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
I don't know if this was a fail but one time this punk girl took me home, got on top and started riding me raw while wearing an oversized shiny silver pvc dress. She was super skinny. The dress was really distracting. I stopped it when I realized I had no condom on. We were very wasted. But damn, i'm a safe sex kind of guy.
[close]

Safe sex is great sex—better wear a latex
'Cause you don't want that late text, that "I think I'm late" text

[close]

What
[close]

I said, "Safe sex is great sex—better wear a latex
'Cause you don't want that late text, that 'I think I'm late' text"


 :'(

tension

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 1119
  • Rep: 36
  • Lexapro
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #25 on: December 11, 2020, 06:30:43 AM »
I was in a band that played a show in a college town and I somehow met a total random college chickwalking around after the show and somehow after hanging with her like in a pizza place/ outside of it for awhile we decided to go back to the VAN my band drove up in since I wasn't from around there and by the time we got in it and moved drums and stuff around to sit she straight up was like you can tell whoever you want that we banged, but I'm going to sleep because I'm do tired... then ended up taking like a 3 hour nap between amps and Merch boxes with this stranger then both sobered up enough to be like "well.... yeah that was weird... see you" then we went our separate ways.
hopefully ty evans was there to film him laying on the ground in HD

Hevonen

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 1236
  • Rep: 11
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #26 on: December 11, 2020, 09:59:42 AM »
Went drinking one night and wake up next day at like 1 pm to the door opening and see a girl walking out. I'm on the couch fully clothed and have no recollection of how the night ended or who the girl was. Ask my friends what happened and they said I was making out with some pretty hot chick at the club and didn't even seem too wasted. Don't know what happened but I guess I just passed out and she got tired of waiting for me to wake up or whatever. Not a great story but still kind of bugs me that someone slept in my apartment and all I know of her is her hair color haha. Not to mention she was supposedly hot and we could've possibly had sex :(

Manny Fapuiao

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 510
  • Rep: 95
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #27 on: December 11, 2020, 05:08:57 PM »
why does this thread exist? it's really taking shine away from the Awkward Sexual Encounters thread
I've had a better understanding of what is happening around me while smoking Salvia as a passenger in a moving vehicle than reading your post

j....soy.....

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • SLAP Pal
  • ******
  • Posts: 15619
  • Rep: 1047
  • SLAP OG SLAP OG : Been around since SLAP was a mag.
Re: bedroom fails
« Reply #28 on: December 12, 2020, 07:56:34 AM »
I thought this would be about setting up ikea furniture.....