Author Topic: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread  (Read 4759 times)

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El Fapinator

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #30 on: January 30, 2021, 04:24:39 AM »
El Fapster,

Iím gonna take up for your wife.

Why did the fight start? Because you said you were not listening to her. You ignored her feelings. You should have given her your full and undivided attention but you were joking around with her like she was one of the guys.

You gotta learn to really listen. Iíve been married 17 years and Iím telling you women need your undivided attention when they want to talk.

Sheís 10 years younger man. Sheís struggling with the pandemic and becoming an adult. Just remember how fucked up you were at 27. I was manic and worried about shit I donít even care about now.

Just give her an hour or two every day like you did when you were first dating and Iím telling you she wonít be jealous about what Gigi Hadid is up to.

You feeliní me dog?

Now go spark it up mang.
Yeah man we were talking sexy talk about bdsm and then I got excited about pizza for whatever reason this was early in the morning mind you.

 So I tried to incorporate the conversation of fucking and pizza as sheís like wtf you mean? it became a huge issue of youíre thinking of pizza now?! I know I know itís so random and my ADD was kicking in and it totally was  my fault.

I here you on spending an hour of your time to get her attention, Iíll take that into consideration. I guess food and sexy talk arenít  appropriate conversation points. I thought it was funny buttttt went awry.

Yeah man Iím 43 now and sheís 33 and itís like you said stress about COVID-19 and I think itís her period talking too but thatís between us, Iíll keep that to myself buttttttt like I said most timeís sheís cool as a cucumber but sometimes our conversation went awry super quickly.

Good looking out though and itís worthwhile to hear from both perspectives.
« Last Edit: January 30, 2021, 04:48:10 AM by El Fapinator »
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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #31 on: January 30, 2021, 02:01:27 PM »
Expand Quote
Hey PALS,

Gotta admit I'm having a hard time dealing with all this right now. Mark Waters and Henry Gartland are only two out of four people in my life that have died in the last two weeks. I just feel surrounded by death. Instead of a "Let's Live" mentality to honor our fallen brothers, I can't escape my main thought which is "Who is next?" I don't fear for self-harm, I'm just very sad and overwhelmed. I cry a lot.

 I guess this all started about 3-4 years ago when my friend Curtis Valentine was killed in NYC. I felt terrible because I couldn't be at the funeral, and not long after that P-Stone died. That set off just a long string of deaths and I would just be getting over one and then I would have to start dealing with another. So I feel like I have just been burying homies nonstop for the last four years.

It feels terrible and I don't like it, but typing all this out and reading it back helped a little bit.

Thanks for listening.
[close]
You can also check out websites like betterhelp.com with online therapists. I checked recently and their sliding scale is a little more expensive, but still more affordable than $100 a session or some shit.

i have been doing this for a few months and it has been so helpful. if you've never done therapy before and find the medical system, finding a therapist, actually getting an apointment etc etc a little intimidating (my situation), apps like betterhelp are an awesome way to get started. it is a little pricey, but you're paying for the convenience -- the signup takes 3 minutes and you can literally have an apointment within a day or two. I cannot recommend it enough if you don't want to put it off anymore.

I will likely try and find a therapist locally or whatever that my insurance can help with at some point, but a few months ago I realized I should really stop putting it off and start immediately, and Betterhelp was the quickest way to get my feet wet by far.

RoaryMcTwang

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #32 on: January 30, 2021, 11:18:08 PM »
My wife and I have been arguing all morning because she disclosed something intimate with me and I dismissed her conversation with something irrelevant.

So instead of moving forward and admitting that I am wrong (which I have done and apologized profusely) now it's now a rundown of everything I've done wrong and it feels like a bullying pissing contest if I say hey if I did this or complained about everything would it be treated the same?!

I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed with a lot of penned up frustration not on my behalf.

Someone please sort me out am I wrong for feeling attacked verbally and how should I resolve this?

Props for coming on here and talking about this El Fapo.

I feel like I can relate to this 100 per cent as my wife and I had and continue to have similar situations. Our age difference is virtually the same as yours (I'm 9 years older). Quite often, when something triggered us, I used to see myself faced with a barrage of accusations and insults about anything and everything I'd ever supposedly done wrong or should have done differently. In reaction, I would get hurt and defensive and either tried to justify myself (bad idea), or take my turn to accuse her of random stuff that was bugging me (worse idea). The whole thing felt like a huge cycle of shit we couldn't break out of even though we love each other very much and both knew it was unnecessary and ridiculous the entire time.

Over the past two years this situation has improved enormously thanks to both of us studying the principles of non-violent communication, developed by Marshall Rosenberg. This has seriously changed our lives. It has vastly improved the way I relate to myself, as well as how I relate to her and everyone else in my life. Less anger, less depression, less guilt and shame. Much more fun and love.

The basic idea is that instead of being a game in which people try to win over others, the goal of communication is to connect to others emotionally, so that everyone's needs can get met. Rather than focusing on whatever people (including yourself) are thinking and saying on the surface, trying to hear and/or express the feelings and needs which stand behind their thoughts and words. So if she says "You're a useless asshole! You're wasting your time on the couch instead of looking for a job!" I try to hear what she actually means and expresses poorly, namely something like: "I feel worried because I really need safety and reliability. Would it be okay for you to spend some time looking for a job?" When I manage to hear her need behind the (violent) way she expresses it, I react to it completely differently and we can usually establish a wonderful emotional connection in a very short period of time, and all the ideas and accusations she threw at me (and vice versa of course) usually turn out to have been completely irrelevant. This is hard at the start, as it means to take full responsibility for one's own feelings and needs. (What I feel is the result of my needs being met or not. No one else can make me feel anything.) But the payoff in terms of well-being (and good sex!) is tremendous.

The whole thing also works internally. If I hear myself telling myself "Why are you so stupid and insensitive? You should have listened to her more attentively!" after a fight, I try to find the need behind that and translate the message, like so: "I feel really upset right now because I didn't meet my need for loving and respecting my wife when I just talked to her like that". No judgment, blame, no guilt, no punishment. This was a game changer for me, as most of my anger and hatred was really turned against myself, not anyone else (I realised that most of my back pain was actually caused by being angry constantly).

I've learned and am learning how to do this almost completely on the basis of materials which are freely available on youtube (even though the center for NVC also offers courses, which I would take if I lived where they are offered). If this sounds like something you might be interested in, here's some places to start:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7TONauJGfc&t=4s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZnXBnz2kwk&list=PLPNVcESwoWu4lI9C3bhkYIWB8-dphbzJ3


Marshall's book "Non-violent communication" also gives a good, brief overview of the method. 

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/71730.Nonviolent_Communication

Much love and shalom to you and all the Slappies!









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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #33 on: January 31, 2021, 06:41:21 PM »
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?
I've tried a bunch. Citalopram (Celexa), Escitalopram (Lexapro), Buproprion (Wellbutrin), all those for depression. I think escitalopram kind of helped but I could only bust a nut on wellbutrin because the SSRI's fuck with me. I also tried buspirone for anxiety but it didn't really help. Xanax and Ativan were each prescribed to me at different points but I didn't like that I would need them all the time, and that I would have to increase my dose regularly.

The one thing that's really worked well for me is mirtazapine. Helped my depression, my sleep, my anxiety, my weight. I also take adderall xr which was life changing. I can pay attention without being all spun out feeling, and I can still eat and sleep. I've tried to fix either add or depression and anxiety for the last 10 years. Recently is the first time I tried hitting all three with new medications and it works great. A couple weeks ago I got on Clonazepam (Klonopin) instead of more abused anti anxiety medication because the news and people getting sick had really gotten to me. I usually get on it for a couple months and then go off when I'm having trouble.

In a way I'm taking some of the least risky medications for what I'm treating. Mirtazapine is a way old antidepressant that for someone with my brain chemistry works really well. I used to be so anxious I would have trouble finishing meals. Klonopin lasts all day but doesn't make me feel drunk. XR adderall allows me to not view every task as impending doom. These 3 medications are all I fuck with once I experienced them against their competition. I can say that when I am on medication I am at my best, and when I finally found these 3 meds I stopped asking the dr if we could try something new.

TheLurper

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #34 on: January 31, 2021, 11:33:32 PM »
any pals care to share their experience with antidepressants?

I will share what I learned from watching/trying to help my ex with her anti-depressants:

1) Finding the right anti-depressant is hard. Make as many appointments with the nurse/doc as possible to keep track of where you are at and what is going on with your medication.
2) Regular anti-depressants don't work for people who are bi-polar.
3) Latuda is expensive as fuck (1K per month), but can help those with bi-polar and the company that makes it gives a good amount away for free (probably in order to gain "good publicity" so they can keep charging an insane amount per month).
4) Tell your doctor, nurse, whoever, fucking everything you can. My ex went to therapy for years and didn't tell her therapist, nurse, or me much of what was going on, which made things really hard to treat. The ex went for years and never got the right meds, the first time I went with her to her medical appointment, I told the nurse what was going on and she got the right meds that day. Holding back doesn't help.

Outside of the medication... tell those around you what you need (in terms of support) and what you feel. I had no fucking clue what was going on with the ex and I couldn't understand why so many things didn't go smoothly.

Also, tell those around you "thanks" and "I'm sorry." I know this is adding more burdens on to those who are struggling, but a simple thank you or I'm sorry can go a long ways. After years of shit being really rough and my ex being in a horrible place, a simple sorry meant the world to me. Her mental health issues were hard on me and I felt pretty fucking neglected and resentful.

If you have a partner, have them go to therapy as well.
« Last Edit: February 02, 2021, 12:16:06 AM by TheLurper »

Quote from: ChuckRamone
I love when people bring up world hunger. It makes everything meaningless.
"that guy is double parked."
"Who cares? there are people starving to death! besides, how does that affect you? does it lessen the joy of parking?

lamfordie

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #35 on: February 02, 2021, 04:23:32 PM »
This past weekend I sad a very dark suicidal thought. It scared the fuck out of me once I realized that. Lately I have been having anxiety about death with my cousin passing away about a year ago. Sometimes I think I would wake up and find my mom dead and I scares me.

Today my gf got upset with me cuz I have tike to go skate and do other hobbies while she works a lot. She does make a good point cuz I only work part time for now but that conversation gave me an anxiety attack. This was basically the same reason my last relationship ended cuz I didn't do anything to better myself or get a full time job. I dont want to ruin this relationship and it scares me.

notmikerusczyk

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #36 on: February 02, 2021, 08:30:17 PM »
This past weekend I sad a very dark suicidal thought. It scared the fuck out of me once I realized that. Lately I have been having anxiety about death with my cousin passing away about a year ago. Sometimes I think I would wake up and find my mom dead and I scares me.

Today my gf got upset with me cuz I have tike to go skate and do other hobbies while she works a lot. She does make a good point cuz I only work part time for now but that conversation gave me an anxiety attack. This was basically the same reason my last relationship ended cuz I didn't do anything to better myself or get a full time job. I dont want to ruin this relationship and it scares me.
well first of all, you should disclose your struggles with your girlfriend if you haven't already. are you still teaching? think about how rewarding and important your job is; one of the most important jobs in existence. you're making a huge difference in the world whether you know it or not. also just think about how sick it'll be teaching once things go back to normal. don't feel bad for skating and doing other hobbies, that's the best thing you can do. it keeps your mind out of stagnation.
Church is worth the money, not wasting money though

TheLurper

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #37 on: February 02, 2021, 09:52:53 PM »
Expand Quote
This past weekend I sad a very dark suicidal thought. It scared the fuck out of me once I realized that. Lately I have been having anxiety about death with my cousin passing away about a year ago. Sometimes I think I would wake up and find my mom dead and I scares me.

Today my gf got upset with me cuz I have tike to go skate and do other hobbies while she works a lot. She does make a good point cuz I only work part time for now but that conversation gave me an anxiety attack. This was basically the same reason my last relationship ended cuz I didn't do anything to better myself or get a full time job. I dont want to ruin this relationship and it scares me.
[close]
well first of all, you should disclose your struggles with your girlfriend if you haven't already. are you still teaching? think about how rewarding and important your job is; one of the most important jobs in existence. you're making a huge difference in the world whether you know it or not. also just think about how sick it'll be teaching once things go back to normal. don't feel bad for skating and doing other hobbies, that's the best thing you can do. it keeps your mind out of stagnation.

Are you going to a therapist? I'd discuss this with them as well as your partner.


Speaking from my experience on the other side of your relationship...

...I'd suggest reaching out your gf and saying, "Hey, let's make time for [insert shit she is into] this weekend." It may be fun to set something up for her enjoyment/relaxation. And, there is no reason that this can't be a fun day for you as well.

Also, let your gf know you are in a difficult spot, but also remind her she matters and you care about her leisure/relaxation. I knew my ex needed time to focus on herself, but I can't pretend I wasn't extremely resentful that I was working two jobs and she was either working part-time or working a low paying low stress job and she always seemed to have time for things she enjoyed. Acknowledgement, appreciation, and recognition can go a long way to refuel a partner... and it might make those moments around the house a little easier/less anxious.
« Last Edit: February 02, 2021, 10:45:54 PM by TheLurper »

Quote from: ChuckRamone
I love when people bring up world hunger. It makes everything meaningless.
"that guy is double parked."
"Who cares? there are people starving to death! besides, how does that affect you? does it lessen the joy of parking?

El Fapinator

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #38 on: February 03, 2021, 07:13:02 PM »
I made the call recently and Iím having a zoom meeting with my therapist tomorrow afternoon Iím psyched on this.

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Armin Tamzarian

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #39 on: February 03, 2021, 08:52:01 PM »
I made the call recently and Iím having a zoom meeting with my therapist tomorrow afternoon Iím psyched on this.

FUCK YES !!! That rules Fapster, we're fucking stoked for you . Let us know how it goes !

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #40 on: February 04, 2021, 01:30:48 AM »
I made the call recently and Iím having a zoom meeting with my therapist tomorrow afternoon Iím psyched on this.

Fuck yeah!!!!

Dood, you'll feel so much better as you go on. I'm super happy for you!
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El Fapinator

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #41 on: February 04, 2021, 07:20:04 PM »
On my initial zoom meeting with the therapy intake talking about the symptoms and causes has left me feeling empty and worthless, 

I do have a great support system partner/wife she's awesome to listen to my bullshit but how much can one person listen to me?  I'd rather speak to a professional as it will help me understand what is going on with my head, haven't had a urge to skate as I'm just bummed and have been in between crying fits and just being placid.
https://youtu.be/HECPJ-MgdcE
« Last Edit: February 04, 2021, 07:31:17 PM by El Fapinator »
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EdLawndale

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #42 on: February 05, 2021, 01:43:27 AM »
At my lowest point a number of years ago, I found myself standing atop a local hotspot for ending one's life -- after driving across town to get there -- just to look down through the concrete barriers into the ravine below. Recent news stories had covered the lengthy recoveries of two recent jumpers who had survived their falls there, but broken almost every bone in their bodies in the process...so I wanted to see how high it really looked from the top. It didn't look that high.

Soon thereafter, I joined peer-to-peer support groups, one-on-one therapy, irc chatrooms and even took to approaching local homeless people down by the river, all in search of knowledge and a shared understanding that would help me to find some sort of peace here on earth.

But I honestly think that over the past five years, at one point or another, I have watched pretty much every video available on YouTube on the subject of taking one's own life, in an attempt to make sense of it all and comprehend what keeps folks going.

While you could call it fixating on the topic, I find immersing myself in such material ultimately beneficial, as I draw meaning from the content and apply it to my own situation.

Sometimes I watch videos of people who were in crisis when they recorded the video, taking solace in the fact that I am not the only person feeling this way.

Other times I watch videos of people who have survived an attempt recount their ordeal and how it affected them, trying to glean a message of hope -- and an idea of how devasting a failed attempt can be -- from their experience (99% of the time, they acknowledge immediate regret mid-act and express how they are glad to have survived).

I watch videos made by those who have lost loved ones in such a manner, lamenting how much they miss those that are gone and giving viewers the advice they wish they could have told the departed.

I also watch scholarly videos on the subject, usually conducted by mental health professionals, that may offer me more clinical, emotionally-removed insight into the subject, such as how depression can lie to a person.

And, while I can no longer locate this particular video, the one that impacted me the most was the first video I remember seeing: a short clip of an old woman, with wispy grey hair, who looked straight into the camera and assured the viewer (me) something to the effect of, "You don't need to kill yourself, you just need to go to sleep. Just go to sleep and get a good rest."

I say all this to let whoever needs to hear it know that, from my research, depression can lie to you, that there are more people out there who care about you than you may currently believe, that you will most likely regret a rash decision of this nature and that you are not the only person feeling this way.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel, even though it can be hard to see at times. As others have offered here, anyone who needs to talk can feel free to contact me.

Lately, things have been rough for me, but I am keeping my head above water. I've been listening to two podcasts (usually at night as I go to sleep): "Jamoalki: The Depressed Not Dead" podcast and the "Life Almost Without Me" podcast. You may find them of interest.
« Last Edit: February 05, 2021, 02:04:53 AM by EdLawndale »
"Was just about to say, wtf is up with this EdLawndale guy?"

IusedToSkateMore

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #43 on: February 05, 2021, 04:45:46 PM »
On my initial zoom meeting with the therapy intake talking about the symptoms and causes has left me feeling empty and worthless, 

I do have a great support system partner/wife she's awesome to listen to my bullshit but how much can one person listen to me?  I'd rather speak to a professional as it will help me understand what is going on with my head, haven't had a urge to skate as I'm just bummed and have been in between crying fits and just being placid.
https://youtu.be/HECPJ-MgdcE

hey dude, I've really been trying to stay outta this thread because i've had to work really hard at learning to set boundaries and not jumping in to help people who are struggling.

I just want to say that I don't know if this is your first rodeo with therapy, but first, chances are, the intake counselor won't be your therapist and isn't skilled in the ways that a talented therapist can be. Also, therapy, especially at the start, can oftentimes leave us feel rough and depleted. It can also leave us feeling high. In my experience as a client and provider, the immediate work done through therapy/counseling can bring up all sorts of stuff and evoke a range of feelings from depletion, elation, excitement, sadness, etc. Please let yourself cry. Crying, in my experience, can be the most wonderful release of the psychosomatic, flushing out the shame, pain, guilt, fear, sadness, rage, or whatever feelings we're living. Chances are, your therapist/counselor will help you not feel so rough following a session, perhaps by teaching you tools to use.

Really wish you the best and send a virtual fist bump
stay high, lay low

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #44 on: February 10, 2021, 08:08:14 AM »
homeboy killed himself a month ago. my partner went outta town the week after and has been out of town since. itís snowing intermittently so skating is hit or miss.

i keep having these weird dreams that i canít articulate. wake up feeling bittersweet every time. iím isolated. my mental health has always been up and down but sometimes idk how i can do this for another 50-60 years.

donít need guidance really, just wanted to speak on it.
with that being said. cky enthusiast you seem like the worst dude with a very low attention span, i mean you never have watched a skate video in its entirley, why dont you just shut the fuck up if you never have to say anyt

Idk

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #45 on: February 10, 2021, 08:17:12 AM »
homeboy killed himself a month ago. my partner went outta town the week after and has been out of town since. itís snowing intermittently so skating is hit or miss.

i keep having these weird dreams that i canít articulate. wake up feeling bittersweet every time. iím isolated. my mental health has always been up and down but sometimes idk how i can do this for another 50-60 years.

donít need guidance really, just wanted to speak on it.
Speak it. Here or dm me. Some days it really is just one day then the next. I saw a girl wearing a helmet and knee pads while learning to ride a skateboard as I drove past a neighborhood. Just seeing that made me want to live.

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #46 on: February 10, 2021, 11:54:52 AM »
homeboy killed himself a month ago. my partner went outta town the week after and has been out of town since. itís snowing intermittently so skating is hit or miss.

i keep having these weird dreams that i canít articulate. wake up feeling bittersweet every time. iím isolated. my mental health has always been up and down but sometimes idk how i can do this for another 50-60 years.

donít need guidance really, just wanted to speak on it.

yo hombre. i've spent a of time in and on the edge of that weird, bittersweet as you call it, dream space. I woke up today with tinnitus ripping and said to my partner that I don't now how I'll deal with this for another 40 or 50 years. I know it's internet, but feel free to holler at me anytime. hope it's as alright as can be expected. peace
stay high, lay low

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #47 on: February 10, 2021, 02:25:10 PM »
thanks gang. just being able to speak it out was good. i got a shrink and iím blessed with enough free time to skate pretty much as much as i want so i thankfully have a place to vent it out in a healthy way for the most part.
with that being said. cky enthusiast you seem like the worst dude with a very low attention span, i mean you never have watched a skate video in its entirley, why dont you just shut the fuck up if you never have to say anyt

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #48 on: February 10, 2021, 10:13:53 PM »
My sweet beagle son died, my moms first birthday since she passed was the next day.  Today I got a notice from a law firm that my older brother wants to be the probate, and I need to show up for court in a month or so.

Yeah, we all have our pain and sadness, but this has been a little much at a rapid clip. Also let me disclaim that mine is not any worse that others.

I now live in a house where my wife left, and three dogs have now passed and there's no more dogs, I've lived here for 20+ years and I'm in shock I think.  I pick up my sweet boys remains tomorrow.

Today I felt horrible and was considering calling the suicide hotline, or just cashing out.  I never really post on social media, but I did to let people I know that my buddy passed on.  People were commenting on how his pain or whatever is over, it keeps going through my mind what about my pain, then I felt guilty for being a selfish idiot.

Thank you for this thread, I don't even feel right putting this out here, its probably a more appropriate post for the confessions thread. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to vent. I'm bawling my eyes out and absolutely restless here.  I keep looking for my sweet boy, and he's just not here.

Rest In Peace, Sweet Jacob, run free.

matty_c

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #49 on: February 10, 2021, 11:23:25 PM »
My sweet beagle son died, my moms first birthday since she passed was the next day.  Today I got a notice from a law firm that my older brother wants to be the probate, and I need to show up for court in a month or so.

Yeah, we all have our pain and sadness, but this has been a little much at a rapid clip. Also let me disclaim that mine is not any worse that others.

I now live in a house where my wife left, and three dogs have now passed and there's no more dogs, I've lived here for 20+ years and I'm in shock I think.  I pick up my sweet boys remains tomorrow.

Today I felt horrible and was considering calling the suicide hotline, or just cashing out.  I never really post on social media, but I did to let people I know that my buddy passed on.  People were commenting on how his pain or whatever is over, it keeps going through my mind what about my pain, then I felt guilty for being a selfish idiot.

Thank you for this thread, I don't even feel right putting this out here, its probably a more appropriate post for the confessions thread. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to vent. I'm bawling my eyes out and absolutely restless here.  I keep looking for my sweet boy, and he's just not here.

Rest In Peace, Sweet Jacob, run free.

Fuck man Iím real sorry about your dog I see you
Message me if you wanna talk to someone
listen to cosmic psychos

RoaryMcTwang

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #50 on: February 10, 2021, 11:33:33 PM »
My sweet beagle son died, my moms first birthday since she passed was the next day.  Today I got a notice from a law firm that my older brother wants to be the probate, and I need to show up for court in a month or so.

Yeah, we all have our pain and sadness, but this has been a little much at a rapid clip. Also let me disclaim that mine is not any worse that others.

I now live in a house where my wife left, and three dogs have now passed and there's no more dogs, I've lived here for 20+ years and I'm in shock I think.  I pick up my sweet boys remains tomorrow.

Today I felt horrible and was considering calling the suicide hotline, or just cashing out.  I never really post on social media, but I did to let people I know that my buddy passed on.  People were commenting on how his pain or whatever is over, it keeps going through my mind what about my pain, then I felt guilty for being a selfish idiot.

Thank you for this thread, I don't even feel right putting this out here, its probably a more appropriate post for the confessions thread. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to vent. I'm bawling my eyes out and absolutely restless here.  I keep looking for my sweet boy, and he's just not here.

Rest In Peace, Sweet Jacob, run free.

Thanks for letting us in like this. Losing a dog is tough, my schnauzer Polly died from eating rat poison on my watch a few years back. I was devastated for a long time.

I think itís good that youíre aware of your needs and your pain. Nothing selfish in any of this. We all need love and friendship and dogs are just amazing at giving. So my advice would be to make sure and take all the time you need to mourn. If you want to talk about it, send a dm.

Been under a lot pressure from various sources myself recently.  My new dog has been having a yeast infection which makes her scratch herself bloody whenever she has the slightest opportunity. The basically sleepless month which has resulted from this then manifested itself yesterday night in a lumbago straight from hell. Now Iím basically beached on the couch, with every move causing ridiculous amounts of pain, and all that on New Yearís Eve here in China. Iíve had this before so I know itíll get better, but I also know itíll take at least a month. Not looking forward to that in the slightest.
I really need to be healthy, and not having that makes everything else difficult to enjoy. Still, Iím grateful for having the time to rest and heal in a safe place now that I need it.

Ah well. Much love to you all and a happy new year of the ox. Stay Shalom.

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #51 on: February 11, 2021, 01:16:37 AM »
Much love to all the SLAP dog lovers. I miss my beautiful girl as soon as I leave the house without her. My pets have literally saved my life.

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #52 on: February 11, 2021, 02:54:39 AM »
Expand Quote
My sweet beagle son died, my moms first birthday since she passed was the next day.  Today I got a notice from a law firm that my older brother wants to be the probate, and I need to show up for court in a month or so.

Yeah, we all have our pain and sadness, but this has been a little much at a rapid clip. Also let me disclaim that mine is not any worse that others.

I now live in a house where my wife left, and three dogs have now passed and there's no more dogs, I've lived here for 20+ years and I'm in shock I think.  I pick up my sweet boys remains tomorrow.

Today I felt horrible and was considering calling the suicide hotline, or just cashing out.  I never really post on social media, but I did to let people I know that my buddy passed on.  People were commenting on how his pain or whatever is over, it keeps going through my mind what about my pain, then I felt guilty for being a selfish idiot.

Thank you for this thread, I don't even feel right putting this out here, its probably a more appropriate post for the confessions thread. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to vent. I'm bawling my eyes out and absolutely restless here.  I keep looking for my sweet boy, and he's just not here.

Rest In Peace, Sweet Jacob, run free.
[close]

Thanks for letting us in like this. Losing a dog is tough, my schnauzer Polly died from eating rat poison on my watch a few years back. I was devastated for a long time.

I think itís good that youíre aware of your needs and your pain. Nothing selfish in any of this. We all need love and friendship and dogs are just amazing at giving. So my advice would be to make sure and take all the time you need to mourn. If you want to talk about it, send a dm.

Been under a lot pressure from various sources myself recently.  My new dog has been having a yeast infection which makes her scratch herself bloody whenever she has the slightest opportunity. The basically sleepless month which has resulted from this then manifested itself yesterday night in a lumbago straight from hell. Now Iím basically beached on the couch, with every move causing ridiculous amounts of pain, and all that on New Yearís Eve here in China. Iíve had this before so I know itíll get better, but I also know itíll take at least a month. Not looking forward to that in the slightest.
I really need to be healthy, and not having that makes everything else difficult to enjoy. Still, Iím grateful for having the time to rest and heal in a safe place now that I need it.

Ah well. Much love to you all and a happy new year of the ox. Stay Shalom.
Bruv, I lost my son (doggo) Mr. Biscuit Face Kills Oct 31st 2012. He was my heart and what I thought my only redemption in this world and still it's rough and tough to talk about it as I'm tearing up as I'm typing this.

He's been every FUCKING WHERE WITH ME, took him to both coast's and Mexico. Had a mock-up service animal ID and legit vest for buses and planes. Anytime I get down on myself about him passing I try to remember most dog's don't live as long and certainly not as good as he had it.

Since his passing I've become a better person through sobriety and yes I do believe he was my inspiration for making a new chapter in my life. I miss him terribly and have his ashes in an urn.

I know it's definitely hard looking forward without your 4 legged buddy but if this one story can tell you a thing or two that despite what else you've got going on you're their whole world.

Be easy on yourself and the memory of your bubby, he wouldn't want you to be sad  and neither do we hope these words help.
Shalom.
Dueces Bitch's

Armin Tamzarian

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #53 on: February 12, 2021, 12:25:23 PM »
CKY, Nico, Matty, Roary, Sila , Fap

I love you all - thank you for being such beacons here , it is fucking beautiful

CKY thank you so much for checking in ! What a fucking courageous and fucking beautiful thing it is to speak out - it's always such a relief . We are here for you to lend an ear , and to support you in any way that feels good :)

Nico , I am so fucking sorry to hear of these losses and interweaving griefs - these are the heaviest emotions in life ! Roary we are here for you as well and so sorry to hear of the culminating sleepless nights & wishing the best for your pretty little lady's recovery !

I'm sorry this is such a tardy reply , and per usual i am being SLAP's resident Sap , but I am really proud of each of you and you should all very proud of yourselves too :)

it really takes so much beautiful fucking courage to speak on these heavy feelings. There's been so many times I was too afraid to articulate things like this to myself or my loved ones - it's so fucking cool that you're sharing these things , and you deserve to feel all the support and the relief in the world , always :)

Just let us know if there's anything we can do to be extra supportive ! and we are THERE ! even if its just to lend an ear , we are here for you and you are kicking ASS !!!

your loyal cheerleader ,

Nicky

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #54 on: February 13, 2021, 04:32:22 PM »
To be honest, I'm not in the right place myself to be much support emotionally in here, but I will attest that I found an antidepressant (Wellbutrin) that seems to work for me, but have also started going to psychoanalytic therapy and have been enjoying it and finding it a huge help. This is after finding cognitive behavioral therapy unhelpful, trying 2 other antidepressants that did little, and actually switching psychiatrists because my first one just didn't give a shit. It's a trite response but I recommend trying therapists on and really trying different things until you find something that works for you.

And you can find resources to help you. For example, I googled "psychoanalysts in NYC" and got this site: https://nypsi.org/find-a-therapist/ . And then I just sent out a bunch of emails, heard back from almost everyone, had some introductory calls and said "fuck it" and set up an appointment and made myself stick to it. It was hard, it was draining, and it did suck but at this point, having found a therapist I like and seems to understand me and my experiences, it was 100% worth it.

I'm happy to help people with some of the logistical things (i.e. "What did you send to these people? What did you ask to get a sense of if they'd be helpful to you?") even if I know I can't offer any emotional support. My PMs are open or if people are interested, I can add some more info here if it might help.
« Last Edit: February 13, 2021, 06:32:12 PM by oyolar »

El Fapinator

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #55 on: February 14, 2021, 09:35:02 AM »
I feel like my marriage is crumbling around me and it's my fault for a rundown of thing's I'm guilty of lying, cheating, abuse, gaslighting.

I  could point a finger at her but I feel like that's not learning my lessons of fuckery. Plus I'm not a victim I'm trying my best to be there and be better buttttt it feels like a highlight reel of everything I've done wrong, I don't think it's fair but whatever.

I'm happy alone and try to convey a lot of things that she needs to find on her own, maybe a nudge here or there of encouragement and finding herself.

Her feelings and experiences seem to dictate the outcome yet I try to be patient and calm when delivery of my views.

She wants everything instantaneously and little to no effort on her part but for me I've been in it and it takes forever to get thing's done which I'm fine with but the same thing isn't reciprocal on her end.

Honestly I feel like this situation is at it's end whichnat this point I could take it or leave it, but what the absolute fuck  am I supposed to do with a person who is unsatisfied with everything?!
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Armin Tamzarian

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #56 on: February 14, 2021, 01:52:26 PM »
Hey Fap !

I'm grateful you checked in my dood :)

I'm so sorry to hear there's so much on your plate right now - I know it's been a tumultuous time lately too which makes it extra heavy ! I hope among it all you are able to take some time for yourself , to rest up and do little things that make you happy , and keep up with therapy too ! If there's any extra support you need , we are here for you shalomie :)

I think the most important question for you in regards to your marriage right now is , is this somebody you want to work through this with ? Because there is always a way through - it often requires a lot of fierce love and difficult courage, but there is always a way ! Sometimes we just gotta give in and say this isn't meant to be - but that's a rare scenario ! If something keeps bringing you back , hopefully it's not an unhealthy attachment - which lord knows I've suffered from having so many times ! Hopefully it's your heart telling you that there is indeed a way through things together with her .

I'm not the sharpest tool in the box when it comes to advice , but I just want to encourage you to follow that compass inside of you - and to do little things that make you happy along the way !

You got this homie !

-Nicky

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #57 on: February 14, 2021, 06:23:05 PM »
Hey Fap !

I'm grateful you checked in my dood :)

I'm so sorry to hear there's so much on your plate right now - I know it's been a tumultuous time lately too which makes it extra heavy ! I hope among it all you are able to take some time for yourself , to rest up and do little things that make you happy , and keep up with therapy too ! If there's any extra support you need , we are here for you shalomie :)

I think the most important question for you in regards to your marriage right now is , is this somebody you want to work through this with ? Because there is always a way through - it often requires a lot of fierce love and difficult courage, but there is always a way ! Sometimes we just gotta give in and say this isn't meant to be - but that's a rare scenario ! If something keeps bringing you back , hopefully it's not an unhealthy attachment - which lord knows I've suffered from having so many times ! Hopefully it's your heart telling you that there is indeed a way through things together with her .

I'm not the sharpest tool in the box when it comes to advice , but I just want to encourage you to follow that compass inside of you - and to do little things that make you happy along the way !

You got this homie !

-Nicky
Iím going to make it work Iím just bummed out weíve been gotten to that point where weíre sniping at each other and Iím trying to look at the bigger picture not everything is immediate and takes time.

Thanks for your kind words all of you pals for hearing my side for good or bad, I value it.
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lamfordie

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #58 on: February 14, 2021, 09:25:47 PM »
So the past week I was finally starting to feel better. I finally had the energy to finish my gundam kit that has been on my table for the past month. Then suddenly I got a call from my mom saying my grandma past away this morning. I just don't want to fall in that hole again.

Idk

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Re: The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread
« Reply #59 on: February 15, 2021, 06:04:34 AM »
So the past week I was finally starting to feel better. I finally had the energy to finish my gundam kit that has been on my table for the past month. Then suddenly I got a call from my mom saying my grandma past away this morning. I just don't want to fall in that hole again.
I donít know if this will help but I read an article that the human brain when it dies it has all this serotonin left and some researchers believe that the brain just releases them all. It tripled in rats as they died in one study. It doesnít change that sheís gone but maybe her last moments in her mind mightíve been very euphoric