Hi guys, just wanted to say, keep your head up everyone, you are the best, every single one of you.
I will share my story, even though its not as heavy as most of yours, but I need to get it out and really have nobody to talk to at the moment.
Im 32, soon to be 33. I dated this girl for 8 years, since 21 to 29, and though she was the one. When we broke up 3 years ago, I thought that the world will end. But it didnt, I got through it. Did some bullshit, random girls, then I found another girl, we lived together for a year. I was not feeling it, broke up with her, so I wouldnt hurt her more. I told myself that I will not meet anyone for a while, just focus on my own stuff, skate as much as I can, deal with some family bullshit (my father fucked my brother up with some bullshit, he owes a bunch of people money, so I tried to help with that). After a short while, I met this girl, that Im dating now. I never loved anyone so much. We moved in together, everything was perfect. Totally unexpeced. We have been together for 7 months, never once argued about anything, everything was perfect, she is perfect.
I fucked up. Before we met, I did something Im not proud of (not important), But I used to work for a company that is owned by one of her closest friends (Obviously, I didnt know that, since we didnt know each other when I worked for the company). I since left, but before I left, I did some stupid shit, that Im really ashamed of. I never told her, and her friend(the owner of the company) wasnt aware either. But since then, he found out, and of course it was only right of him to tell her, because he cares for her and wants to protect her from bullshit that I caused and have to deal with now.
I wanted to keep this quiet, just deal with all the shit and leave it behind me, but I should have told her man, I should have told her. I know she would understand, that I had my reasons, and would help to deal with everything.
We are supposed to move to a new apartement,that she bought before we met, but since then, we have been buying all the furniture, dealing with everything that comes with moving to a new place. This moving was planed on the beggining of next month, and she found out about my bullshit last Sunday, so a week before moving.
I fucked everything up, betrayed her trust. I have never been so depressed and felt so down in my life. She is the one, and I need to show her that this shit will never happen again. Her ex lied to her for a long time, so she is not dealing with shit like that lightly, which is only right.
I can see that she still loves me, but has enough self respect to not go through another heart break again. Im such an idiot that I have not told her about everyting a long time ago. I know she would understand.
Right now I dont know what to do, I didnt speak really to anyone for the last week, not at work, not to my friends, to my mum, every night we end up talking about stuff with my girlfriend, and it ends up in both of us crying and not sleeping.
I feel like a biggest piece of shit in the world right now. I need to deal with this somehow, I cant even imagine how I will live without her, she is everything I ever wanted/needed/hoped for in my life, and if she leaves me, I dont know what I will do.
Anyway, sorry for shitty grammar and explaining, this is probably not as serious as some of You guys, but I need to get it out.
Everybody, be safe and go skate, that is the only thing that matters...