The WELLNESS OUTREACH & SUPPORT Thread

[Ms. Tamzarian]

Hi everyone what the heck it's been too dang long!

I am v grateful to be back, god its been a hard year. I hit rock bottom around the beginning of August, when I started making plans in my journal to end my own life. Shit was really scary, but I was able to inform my family and close friends, and they of course were like 'bitch get back in therapy' hahahaha. Filling out risk assessment forms has been really jarring and for a couple of weeks I felt like I was just suspended in a state of shock, for how dark my own life had become.

But those days are slowly, slowwwwllly hahaha, slowly slipping behind me. Been reuniting with so many friends and just planting my roots mad hard in my community. Plus I am skating again!

My ex, he was such a sophisticatedly fucked up person. I was raped over and over, cut off from my friends & family so that I had nowhere to run and no one to turn to. I have so much PTSD that I'm working through every day and will prob be stuck with that shit for a good chunk of years.

My family saved me from that fucker and I'm so lucky to b safe n sound

Fuck it we ball. My only goals in life, now that I have seen past the darkest time I hope I will ever see, is: to be based, have buds, and bool hard af.

I love you all with all my heart PALS 4 life and SLAP support 4 life



xoxoxoxoxoxoxo! -demeter

[ToySanta]

Thank you for this thread. I wasn’t expecting to need as much as I feel I do right now.

My girlfriend broke up with me recently and it is kicking my ass. I bought aspirin for the first time in my life today because I read it is recommended for heartbreak.

We were doing long distance for awhile..and then the call came. So now I’m stuck at home in a neighborhood she found for us at a job where everyone loves her (me too) just reminded of her at every corner. IT SUCKS. I can’t tell whether I should make some rash decisions or not. Like, should I move or not? Do I get a cat? She took both of em Which is worse? Do I toss out all my stuff? I’m not the best with change, so anything semi-drastic feels like it could go really wrong for me and what little sanity I have. Maybe it’s all bad and I just have to play through the pain.

I’m doing my freaking best but it’s really a gut punch of pain & tears when I get home. I made dinner and my stomach is grumbling, but I’ve lost my appetite. I need to eat. I know it. It’s an exhausting cycle and experience.

The good news is I have made it 30 days. I don’t know if any one day is harder than the others, but I am taking that victory. I do want to see what’s on the other side of all this grief.. but barely. But I do.

[leafman4000]

I just wanted to remind you all that

I luv you and I hope all your best dreams come true.

thank you , needed this today

[Jim and Dan]

Hi everyone what the heck it's been too dang long!

I am v grateful to be back, god its been a hard year. I hit rock bottom around the beginning of August, when I started making plans in my journal to end my own life. Shit was really scary, but I was able to inform my family and close friends, and they of course were like 'bitch get back in therapy' hahahaha. Filling out risk assessment forms has been really jarring and for a couple of weeks I felt like I was just suspended in a state of shock, for how dark my own life had become.

But those days are slowly, slowwwwllly hahaha, slowly slipping behind me. Been reuniting with so many friends and just planting my roots mad hard in my community. Plus I am skating again!

My ex, he was such a sophisticatedly fucked up person. I was raped over and over, cut off from my friends & family so that I had nowhere to run and no one to turn to. I have so much PTSD that I'm working through every day and will prob be stuck with that shit for a good chunk of years.

My family saved me from that fucker and I'm so lucky to b safe n sound

Fuck it we ball. My only goals in life, now that I have seen past the darkest time I hope I will ever see, is: to be based, have buds, and bool hard af.

I love you all with all my heart PALS 4 life and SLAP support 4 life



xoxoxoxoxoxoxo! -demeter

Welcome back friend, shalom!

That's some real-deal shit to hear and it's truly terrible there are people out there that view their fellow human beings as nothing more than objects for their own pleasure and ultimate disposal, those people can all go fuck a shard of glass in the middle of I-95 on a Monday morning. So glad to hear you are out of some of that darkness and finding your way back to the things that give you joy, trying to get back in that boat myself. It's truly terrible that the selfish actions of others can have such a lasting impact on us as individuals, I try to not give them so much power over me in those circumstances but understand that everything is easier said than done. Just keep doing positive things to stay on the right path, you've got a community here that is mostly supportive in these matters and I've found solace in the halls of these boards before.

[leafman4000]

Hey everyone, first time talking about my mental health on here.

So over the past few years I’ve been struggling with really awful depression. For some context Im an extremely introverted person with crippling social anxiety so as you can imagine Im prone to finding myself socially isolated. With the university year starting again I’ve found myself back in a really awful rut of feeling depressed with thoughts of “what’s the point?” and “why am I still alive?” crossing my mind daily.

Being back on campus 5 days a week is starting to take a toll on me. Looking back and thinking about what has pulled me away from depression the past few years the two things that have done it for me; friends and skateboarding, but now that the school year has started again, all my friends from high school and childhood have gone their separate ways, and the physical and mental drain of going to classes and sitting in lectures every day has stopped me from skateboarding as often as I like. Or maybe the drain is from me falling back into depression. Idk

I’ve tried to branch out and make friends at uni, but the people I’ve found myself surrounded with have no appeal to me whatsoever. I even tried my uni’s skateboarding club hoping I could meet some other skaters, but when I went to the first meetup it was all people dancing on longboards/surfskates in sandals, some inline rollerbladers, and some guy on a scooter, so I just went home feeling dejected.

It’s been really tough transitioning from 4+ months of skating with friends and hanging out with people I’ve known for years to looking down the barrel of 8 months of social isolation and a routine full of classes and lectures that I have no interest in whatsoever, with no end goal for me to work towards. Just thinking about it there’s a pit in my stomach.

The usual drive and motivation to go and skate is gone. I haven’t been to a skatepark in months. I have no urge to try and learn new tricks and progress. My typical session now is go to the same curb/ledge spot and do the same tricks for like an hour. If I’m feeling ambitious maybe I’ll throw some variation in; shuv out of this, 180 out of that. My sessions have been getting less and less fulfilling but skateboarding is the only thing in my life that gives me any enjoyment, even if its just a fraction of how much I’ve enjoyed it before.

I have no idea where I’m going with this. Any advice would be appreciated. Just being able to vent also helps. I think. Whatever. Thanks everyone,
shalom

[Idk]

Hey everyone, first time talking about my mental health on here.

So over the past few years I’ve been struggling with really awful depression. For some context Im an extremely introverted person with crippling social anxiety so as you can imagine Im prone to finding myself socially isolated. With the university year starting again I’ve found myself back in a really awful rut of feeling depressed with thoughts of “what’s the point?” and “why am I still alive?” crossing my mind daily.

Being back on campus 5 days a week is starting to take a toll on me. Looking back and thinking about what has pulled me away from depression the past few years the two things that have done it for me; friends and skateboarding, but now that the school year has started again, all my friends from high school and childhood have gone their separate ways, and the physical and mental drain of going to classes and sitting in lectures every day has stopped me from skateboarding as often as I like. Or maybe the drain is from me falling back into depression. Idk

I’ve tried to branch out and make friends at uni, but the people I’ve found myself surrounded with have no appeal to me whatsoever. I even tried my uni’s skateboarding club hoping I could meet some other skaters, but when I went to the first meetup it was all people dancing on longboards/surfskates in sandals, some inline rollerbladers, and some guy on a scooter, so I just went home feeling dejected.

It’s been really tough transitioning from 4+ months of skating with friends and hanging out with people I’ve known for years to looking down the barrel of 8 months of social isolation and a routine full of classes and lectures that I have no interest in whatsoever, with no end goal for me to work towards. Just thinking about it there’s a pit in my stomach.

The usual drive and motivation to go and skate is gone. I haven’t been to a skatepark in months. I have no urge to try and learn new tricks and progress. My typical session now is go to the same curb/ledge spot and do the same tricks for like an hour. If I’m feeling ambitious maybe I’ll throw some variation in; shuv out of this, 180 out of that. My sessions have been getting less and less fulfilling but skateboarding is the only thing in my life that gives me any enjoyment, even if its just a fraction of how much I’ve enjoyed it before.

I have no idea where I’m going with this. Any advice would be appreciated. Just being able to vent also helps. I think. Whatever. Thanks everyone,
shalom

Hey. Depression is hard. I don’t have anything really good advice to give right now just want you to know you’re seen and your feelings are valid. Life is a roller coaster and everything that goes down will come up eventually. No intense feeling lasts forever.

[Bill Salt]

The PMA thread

[Idk]

I’ve been dealing with pain and discomfort in my testicles and penis and a test came back positive for mycoplasma and ureaplasma. The pain has been really affecting my mental health. I’m on a second round of antibiotics (doxycycline and levofloxacin) and I’m hoping it will cure it and take away the discomfort and pain.

[RoaryMcTwang]

I’ve been dealing with pain and discomfort in my testicles and penis and a test came back positive for mycoplasma and ureaplasma. The pain has been really affecting my mental health. I’m on a second round of antibiotics (doxycycline and levofloxacin) and I’m hoping it will cure it and take away the discomfort and pain.

Oh man that sucks. I had testiculitis like 10 years ago and it made my life hell for several years. Couldn’t sit straight, didn’t know what to do. I’ll drop you a dm with some things I learned going through this. Keep your head up, I made it out of there so there is hope even though it may not feel like it right now.

[slippy]

Hey everyone, first time talking about my mental health on here.

So over the past few years I’ve been struggling with really awful depression. For some context Im an extremely introverted person with crippling social anxiety so as you can imagine Im prone to finding myself socially isolated. With the university year starting again I’ve found myself back in a really awful rut of feeling depressed with thoughts of “what’s the point?” and “why am I still alive?” crossing my mind daily.

Being back on campus 5 days a week is starting to take a toll on me. Looking back and thinking about what has pulled me away from depression the past few years the two things that have done it for me; friends and skateboarding, but now that the school year has started again, all my friends from high school and childhood have gone their separate ways, and the physical and mental drain of going to classes and sitting in lectures every day has stopped me from skateboarding as often as I like. Or maybe the drain is from me falling back into depression. Idk

I’ve tried to branch out and make friends at uni, but the people I’ve found myself surrounded with have no appeal to me whatsoever. I even tried my uni’s skateboarding club hoping I could meet some other skaters, but when I went to the first meetup it was all people dancing on longboards/surfskates in sandals, some inline rollerbladers, and some guy on a scooter, so I just went home feeling dejected.

It’s been really tough transitioning from 4+ months of skating with friends and hanging out with people I’ve known for years to looking down the barrel of 8 months of social isolation and a routine full of classes and lectures that I have no interest in whatsoever, with no end goal for me to work towards. Just thinking about it there’s a pit in my stomach.

The usual drive and motivation to go and skate is gone. I haven’t been to a skatepark in months. I have no urge to try and learn new tricks and progress. My typical session now is go to the same curb/ledge spot and do the same tricks for like an hour. If I’m feeling ambitious maybe I’ll throw some variation in; shuv out of this, 180 out of that. My sessions have been getting less and less fulfilling but skateboarding is the only thing in my life that gives me any enjoyment, even if its just a fraction of how much I’ve enjoyed it before.

I have no idea where I’m going with this. Any advice would be appreciated. Just being able to vent also helps. I think. Whatever. Thanks everyone,
shalom

I'm sorry to hear about how you're feeling, it sux no two ways about it, I wouldn't try and change your mind on that.  I've found success in calling friends when I'm in a rut, those people you used to skate with, regularly give them a call, talk about skating and what tricks you want to do, have a little skate challenge and set your phone up solo and try to get it.  It made me feel closer when I moved across the country.  Also, even if it's a long ways out, months even, make some plans to see someone you like to skate with (if possible) it's always nice to have something to look forward to.  Either way it's understandable you feel shitty.  Wishing the best for ya though

[ihatejulio]

this might belong better in the queer skate thread but don't want to clutter that with personal stuff.

i'm feeling it today. i can't stop asking myself why i waited so long to transition. survival? repression? a dumb mix of both?

thinking back and knowing that i never got to experience my adolescence and 20s as a fully-fledged individual is really painful. having a tough time trying not to think about it but it can be overwhelming.

i will say though, life is really great at the moment. i feel so incredibly grateful to be where i am at right now. and to all my people i have connected with through this silly little website, i love you all so much. hell yeah.

[Alan]

@ihatejulio those are such difficult thoughts to grapple with, but as you say, you're in a good spot now and while that isn't all that matters, it's better than what came before. Onwards and upwards!

[ihatejulio]

@ihatejulio those are such difficult thoughts to grapple with, but as you say, you're in a good spot now and while that isn't all that matters, it's better than what came before. Onwards and upwards!

thanks friend every week is getting better and better. 

[emotional_degloving]

Hey pals

I'm coming off of sertraline (i think called zoloft for the American pals) and mood stabilizers and I'm kind of a fucking mess suffering from withdrawal. Pretty much the worst time of year for someone to come off antidepressants as well thinking about it.

Found this thread today and have been reading through a couple pages, I hope you guys are doing well, truly. This site has given me a lot of good laughs.

Peace homies

[Dental Dan]

Brain got walloped tonight. On Mars and everything looked good and properly fucked. Space suit not working right. Comm unit malfunctioning.
Everyone in here are my people. I would like to help but I can't. All I'd like to say is I'm with you.

[Bupstop]

Thank you for this thread. I wasn’t expecting to need as much as I feel I do right now.

My girlfriend broke up with me recently and it is kicking my ass. I bought aspirin for the first time in my life today because I read it is recommended for heartbreak.

We were doing long distance for awhile..and then the call came. So now I’m stuck at home in a neighborhood she found for us at a job where everyone loves her (me too) just reminded of her at every corner. IT SUCKS. I can’t tell whether I should make some rash decisions or not. Like, should I move or not? Do I get a cat? She took both of em Which is worse? Do I toss out all my stuff? I’m not the best with change, so anything semi-drastic feels like it could go really wrong for me and what little sanity I have. Maybe it’s all bad and I just have to play through the pain.

I’m doing my freaking best but it’s really a gut punch of pain & tears when I get home. I made dinner and my stomach is grumbling, but I’ve lost my appetite. I need to eat. I know it. It’s an exhausting cycle and experience.

The good news is I have made it 30 days. I don’t know if any one day is harder than the others, but I am taking that victory. I do want to see what’s on the other side of all this grief.. but barely. But I do.

How are you doing now? Is really feel for you and can relate.

[Idk]

My uncle is about to die from undiagnosed aids. He’s in an induced coma right now and they’re doing dialysis but his body is shutting down. I don’t know what to say really or how to feel.

[ToySanta]

Expand Quote

Thank you for this thread. I wasn’t expecting to need as much as I feel I do right now.

My girlfriend broke up with me recently and it is kicking my ass. I bought aspirin for the first time in my life today because I read it is recommended for heartbreak.

We were doing long distance for awhile..and then the call came. So now I’m stuck at home in a neighborhood she found for us at a job where everyone loves her (me too) just reminded of her at every corner. IT SUCKS. I can’t tell whether I should make some rash decisions or not. Like, should I move or not? Do I get a cat? She took both of em Which is worse? Do I toss out all my stuff? I’m not the best with change, so anything semi-drastic feels like it could go really wrong for me and what little sanity I have. Maybe it’s all bad and I just have to play through the pain.

I’m doing my freaking best but it’s really a gut punch of pain & tears when I get home. I made dinner and my stomach is grumbling, but I’ve lost my appetite. I need to eat. I know it. It’s an exhausting cycle and experience.

The good news is I have made it 30 days. I don’t know if any one day is harder than the others, but I am taking that victory. I do want to see what’s on the other side of all this grief.. but barely. But I do.

[close]

How are you doing now? Is really feel for you and can relate.

Hey, thanks for checking in. I figured I circle back to this thread at some point. I know I’m tired of my current life experience and I didn’t want to bog the thread down with it all.

I’m gonna get my first therapist soon, on the encouragement of a friend.

Honestly, I don’t know if much has changed. Today I feel like shit. Been dealing with a lot of suicidal ideation lately, which I haven’t had for almost twenty years. I just really miss her, ya know? She was my best friend, not just my romantic partner, and there wasn’t some big fight or disagreement or nothin. She just moved on one day. It’s confusing.

Unfortunately, the more I think about the relationship the more I figure it wasn’t going to last - for lots of reasons. And that makes me feel worse in different ways. And of course my mind is gonna go through em all at some point.

A lot of friends came out of the woodwork to tell me they love me and to call anytime. I do appreciate that. If I didn’t have my sister & nephew lately.. whew, hard to f#%$ing say.. I just hate feeling so sad so often. I feel like I live on a treadmill.

[ToySanta]

My uncle is about to die from undiagnosed aids. He’s in an induced coma right now and they’re doing dialysis but his body is shutting down. I don’t know what to say really or how to feel.

I don’t either, I’m just sorry for the whole thing. It sounds awful.

[Noble Experiment]

Not sure what has been going on recently but this past week and a half when I wake up, within like a few minutes of being up, anxiety starts kicking in and I just feel anxiety all day, like just this uncomfortable  anxious feeling in the pits of my chest n stomach; it’s manageable for the most part, and has only reached the point of feeling debilitating a few times, and sometimes there are parts of the day where brief calmness will kick in here n there, but then there are other parts of the day where it feels really really intense, I guess you can say it varies in waves. It definitely sucks and can be pretty overwhelming sometimes.

It started when I got sick a week and a half ago and there was a couple days straight where my body just felt like it was going to die and I also couldn’t sleep which triggered sleep anxiety; it gave me anxiety all throughout being sick that pretty much started in the morning and would just go on all day. The cold has since died down though, and my sleep has gotten better, but the anxiety in the morning has still stayed and will still come and go throughout the entire day. Not sure what’s up but just needed to vent about it a bit. Anyone else ever deal with this?

Feels like recently it’s been getting a bit better though. The anxiety is still there but it’s starting to feel less and less intense and easier to manage, I’ve also been having a lot more calm moments throughout the day now. I also just started skating again after being off the board for a month due to injury, so that’s been helping too. Here’s to hoping it still continues to die down a bit.

[Dental Dan]

How's everyone doing?

[fakie nollie]

TLDR: CBT has been a very eye opening experience that’s omnipresent in my thoughts now

Edit: for context on how impactful this has been for me, I’ve been to rehab for an addiction to anti-anxiety medication and alcohol because of how bad my anxiety and depression were. I genuinely feel that, if I had these resources at 20, I could have avoided many years of pain and confusion.

Training your brain to recognize when you’re thinking negatively for no reason other than habit vs. genuine depression or anxiety has been a very interesting and positive experience for me over the last month.

I read a book on cognitive behavioral therapy primarily looking for practical ways to help social anxiety, assuming what I’m looking forward to is using medication to overcome it. I went into this thinking it’s pointless but wanted to give it one last go. I’ve been down this road a few times and was feeling “defeated”. I’ve tried traditional therapy and medicating has always felt like a faux treatment as the thoughts remained, even with the symptoms leaving.

What I walked away with was a tactical guide of how to recognize when I’m habitually adding a negative layer to anticipated or current experiences/events and understanding that I’m exaggerating (or even completely fabricating) the majority of things I feel anxiety or depression over. (yes, I recognize having traumatic experiences leads to genuine thoughts about anxiety and depression that are normal to experience. I’m in no way trying to discount that fact. When I say “majority”, it’s related to things unrelated to very real and horrible/ sad events). The simplest way I can describe it is I’m seeing less things as binary or black/white and much more as a spectrum of good to bad.

For anyone wanting to read what I did:
-Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy (David Burns)
-Social anxiety workbook (pairs well with aforementioned book) https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Social-Anxiety

[in love w/ fs shuvs]

How's everyone doing?

Low-key in the gutter figuratively

[Dental Dan]

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How's everyone doing?

[close]

Low-key in the gutter figuratively

Yeah, me too this morning. Woke up into feelings that seem insurmountable, leading into suicidal ideation. I deal a lot with the feeling that I just do not have what it takes to live.

Am struggling with the financial aspect of going into a therapy, I don't have a lot of money at the moment and I don't want to waste it.

[ToySanta]

Depends on the day. Today is not a good one. It frickin sucks. I’ve had more good days than bad this month, but the reasons that hurt aren’t soon to change for the better.

[in love w/ fs shuvs]

Expand Quote

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How's everyone doing?

[close]

Low-key in the gutter figuratively

[close]

Yeah, me too this morning. Woke up into feelings that seem insurmountable, leading into suicidal ideation. I deal a lot with the feeling that I just do not have what it takes to live.

Am struggling with the financial aspect of going into a therapy, I don't have a lot of money at the moment and I don't want to waste it.

$80 an hour for therapy and $600 for a half deep cleaning at the dentist. Hahahahaha

[lemonchicken91]

@Dark Knight Bro please let us know if we can help in any way

[lemonchicken91]

anyone here in AZ?

[Dark Knight]

@Dark Knight Bro please let us know if we can help in any way

Doing the best I can, man.  Can barely use my hands.  For those that aren’t aware I developed a very debilitating neurological disorder about 3 weeks ago. It causes 24/7 bodily convulsions/contractions/tremors from my nose to my toes. It’s affecting my airway worse and worse everyday. Only reason I’m even able to type this out is because my hands and fingers are working at the moment but it’s super painful…so yeah.

[lemonchicken91]

Expand Quote

@Dark Knight Bro please let us know if we can help in any way

[close]

Doing the best I can, man.  Can barely use my hands.  For those that aren’t aware I developed a very debilitating neurological disorder about 3 weeks ago. It causes 24/7 bodily convulsions/contractions/tremors from my nose to my toes. It’s affecting my airway worse and worse everyday. Only reason I’m even able to type this out is because my hands and fingers are working at the moment but it’s super painful…so yeah.

let us know if theres anything we can do to help, any AZ homies ?