has anyone here contemplated suicide or attempted?

[shpongle]

i know its a dark subject matter but its good to open up and be vulnerable to strangers sometimes. anybody have their advice to share on how to get out of those dark negative mental states?

[Sila]

Are you feeling this now?

I contemplate suicide almost daily. It's the nagging voice of depression that always reminds you that suicide is an option. I like to keep my posessions to a somewhat minimal amount just in case. But I don't have any plans. There's only been one time I had a rope at my neck. The scary thing is I felt a sense of ease as I stood there contemplating everything, and I decided not to do it.

What really keeps me going is having things to look after, like plants or animals. Or having a passion like skating where you become obsessed with learning and progression. Or educating someone in something you are knowledgeable about and watching them grow.

Honestly it's mostly the small things that keep me here. Making someone laugh or smile etc.

I always remind myself that my darkest periods and most magical moments are intertwined and unpredictable.

[somethingmustbreaknow]

DON'T DO IT!

[pugmaster]

First and foremost I want to express what somethingmustbreaknow stated: DON'T DO IT!

For me, I have thought about suicide regularly starting in middle school. My grandfather gave me a BB handgun and during that period of time I frequently staged how I would take my life with a handgun.

Later on suicide ideation decreased in high school and when I started adulthood. I started skating and started humping.

It ramped up again during graduate school and when I graduated from graduate school and my biological mother reached out to me for the first time and I learned that I was a product of rape and that was the reason why I was adopted. Long story short, that information was difficult to deal with even though I knew I was adopted from about 5 years of age.

Then I pursued an advanced degree.  High amounts of stress coupled with unresolved mental issues I should have sought professional help with lead me to start thinking about suicide again.  I should be totally honest and state that I didn't entertain these thoughts in the sense of carrying out the act.  I had 2 small dogs, of course 1 was a Pug, and I could never off myself and leave them high and dry.  Then they both died while I was still in the process of finishing my degree. 

The best way I can describe my current relationship with suicide is that it is sort of like a fantasy.  What I mean by that is I think about suicide how I think about winning the lottery.  Maybe you have done this when you buy a lotto ticket and imagine what it would be like to have 330 million dollars or whatever. Rather, I think about all the crap I wouldn't have to deal with.  But...................

I have a niece and nephew who are both shit out of luck if I die.  They were in the foster care system last year and their parents are worthless so I can't leave them high and dry.     


No matter what, we all die.

Just ride it out for the long haul.

If you are experiencing the DARK DARK DARKNESS of depression, there are so many people here and elsewhere who are more than happy to talk with you and to listen to you. SLAP has a lot of shitty posters and stupid threads, but actually SLAP is a welcoming place for authentic individuals.



Seek outside council before you make any brash decisions. 


If nothing else, start fucking around with your (1) trucks, (2) wheel size, (3) board shape, and (4) wheel base measurements to find that "perfect" setup. Don't leave this world without finding out what 1/8th of an inch difference does in any one of those aforementioned areas (e.g., items 1-4).

[in love w/ fs shuvs]

I used to be hella depressed and even now I still think that life can still be fucking awful. But, there's ALWAYS people who will be devastated not to have you around anymore. We stay alive for the people we love. I have a memory burned into my brain of my grandpa on his death bed from when I was four or some age less than 10. I was with my cousins in the dining room and I chased a ball that bounced to the door of his room. I saw that he was calling for me but his voice was so weak. He couldn't even move his arms. He was a baby. I walked up to him to offer my help but he couldn't even form any words. I think at that point he realized that there was nothing left to live for. He went to sleep that night and died in his sleep. It may sound morbid, but it was so beautiful. He lived a full ass life and held on till the very end. I think about it everyday.

Life can be fucking awful, but it's also so beautiful. Here are some reasons to live: admire the blue sky/clouds/sunsets, talk shit with friends, make children smile, eat good meals, stare at the stars, help people in need, teach children, skate, try to make societal change, living to see the next generation, etc. There is so much beauty in this world. We are all flowers that bud, blossom, and eventually wither away. Live to admire this beautiful flower field that is reality. Find something that bothers you enough such as an annoying flip trick/annoying societal problem/etc. and let the search for a solution give you meaning.

I told my mom once that I didn't want to live anymore and it made her sob and we cried together on the phone. It felt so awful and I still regret making her cry. She bathed me and made me feel so loved when she sang me songs in the tub as a kid and I hurt her so bad by making her cry.

I was still a bit of a pessimist afterwards and I still hate some aspects of life. But recently, I went on a LSD trip that was a gamechanger. It did fuck me up a bit but it allowed me to toss the bullshit I used to be so preoccupied with aside and I realized how beautiful life is at its peak. LSD is a nuclear approach tho, I believe I am a better version of myself but it was a totally awesome/mentally scaring process that I will never forget.

The world is fucked with this virus and being bombarded with the news sucks; it's normal to be exhausted to some degree. However, after everyone's been vaccinated, we'll all be shooting the shit with our loved ones.

Kinda unrelated, but this is why I don't like cancel culture. We all make mistakes, cancelling people is straight up fucked and so horrible to their mental health. We should help our friends get over their mistakes.

[shitsandwich]

I used to obsess over suicide. I remember thinking that there wasn't an hour that went by where I didn't fantasize about it. That was a few years ago and now I can't even remember the last time I had those thoughts. I really feel for those that struggle with those thoughts because I understand how exhausting they are. Anti depressants get a lot of hate but they helped me get through some dark times.

[iKobrakai]

Towards the end, the amounts of opiates i took was probably low key "Fuck it if this kills me" kind of thing.

Also, putting myself in pretty bad situations.

[cky enthusiast]

hella. after i lost a few friends to suicide it kind of got me off that tip tho. now i just think about how cool it would be to die and do feeble grinds.

[coldbrew]

It's really hard for me to talk about this topic because I directly deal with it, have tried and failed and have lost too many over the years to it or overdoses that directly related to their depression.

I don't really have the words to even express my own feelings about it because I'm working and don't feel like crying on this damn call but all I can say is you are loved greatly by a lot of people and inspire a lot of people you don't really realize.

Talk to someone, do the best you can and if you need to emotionally breakdown to someone then breakdown. But, don't do it and do your best to get support in however you see fit. Much love to you.

[Land of the Faust]

I lost a friend to suicide years ago. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him.

If you're feeling some kind of way, PLEASE speak to someone.

[formula420]

I've been attracted to the idea since I was old enough to understand that I could end my life. It is a tough dark spot on my brain that constantly nags me. My brain will reply all of my mistakes and bad decisions over and over and then reminds I can just end it.

Been in and out of a shrinks office since I was a kid. Been on and off a few meds. No plans to do it but I can't help but think about it on a daily basis. I honestly don't know what its like to not be suicidal. Dealing with those thoughts has just become part of my life and I think I have them fairly under control.

Do not be afraid to reach out for help. Not every shrink is good. You may have to try a few before you find one that works for you.

[woodsman]

       Suicide runs deep in my family. My brother killed him self in 2012, my mother has deep scars from when she slit her wrists and my cousin blew his head off with a shotgun while his wife was 8 months pregnant. I made a feeble attempt myself with a mixture of pills. Life can be so painful, I had to put my dog down on Tuesday and I’m hurting , but really you have to weigh the consequences of suicide. I believe when we die that’s it, there’s no after life it’s like turning off a switch. But if you have people that love you you have to consider how much more pain you create if you commit suicide. It’s also so fucking scary and you can’t take it back. Don’t do it.

[woodsman]

I've been attracted to the idea since I was old enough to understand that I could end my life. It is a tough dark spot on my brain that constantly nags me. My brain will reply all of my mistakes and bad decisions over and over and then reminds I can just end it.

Been in and out of a shrinks office since I was a kid. Been on and off a few meds. No plans to do it but I can't help but think about it on a daily basis. I honestly don't know what its like to not be suicidal. Dealing with those thoughts has just become part of my life and I think I have them fairly under control.

Do not be afraid to reach out for help. Not every shrink is good. You may have to try a few before you find one that works for you.

I have the same problem with my brain replaying the worst moments of my life over and over again. I have a good therapist now and I’m working hard to stay here. I hope you’re doing alright pubes and thanks for sharing that shit.

[ramplocal]

I have had times in my past where i have thought abt it, i feel like i am doing better now. Thoughts pop up here and there but i am medicated now and have a good network of people /friends /support.  Pals if you are even having thoughts of it please PLEASE reach out to somebody. Sometimes just talking helps out alot. If you have nobody you can even message me. Take care dudes

[augustmoon]

I’ve had pretty consistent suicidal ideation since I was a kid.  The earliest I can remember thinking about it was 3rd grade, and it’s something that crosses my mind at some point daily.

I’ve read that there is a difference between suicidal ideation and actual suicidality.  My sister died by suicide a couple years ago, as have a lot of friends.  I find myself feeling envious at times, but at this point in my life, I don’t know if I’d try it.  I’ve done a lot of research and reading about trauma, depression, and ptsd, and I think that’s give me a new perspective and has helped me cope with these kinds of thoughts.

Much love to everyone in here

[Jagr]

On and off since I was a kid.

In some strange way, knowing I can end it whenever I need to is what helps keep me chugging along when I start getting too overwhelmed and feel like ending it...probably doesn't make sense.

I don't share much on here so I'm likely a stranger to most. But I echo what others have said. Anyone on here free to hit me up if you need someone to talk to - about your situation or just about skating.

Lots of love to you all.

[matty_c]

Yeah but honestly just considered it never really had like a plan so not properly serious at all

Oi this is it, ay. I remember seeing some shit about Golden Gate Bridge and the one bloke that landed it said the second he went over that rail he thought ah I’ve made a mistake

Even if you owed money or whatever and had cunts coming to kill you fucking let them kill you. It’s not possible to stuff your shit up so bad you gotta selfpwn, deadset

Sorry to be disrespectful I have old school mates that hung themselfs in fucking dongas on some mine sites. Guys that were killing it no pun intended
Can’t get that right in my mind and you just leave people thinking fuck could I have changed something

At least the boys that overdosed you’re like ah yeah he hadn’t had it in a while and it’s just fucked him

Don’t do that to your friends and family ay

There’s nothing there man, this is it - get some

[woodsman]

I have had times in my past where i have thought abt it, i feel like i am doing better now. Thoughts pop up here and there but i am medicated now and have a good network of people /friends /support.  Pals if you are even having thoughts of it please PLEASE reach out to somebody. Sometimes just talking helps out alot. If you have nobody you can even message me. Take care dudes

.  You sent me a really amazing message after my brother died that I even shared with my mom. It helped both of us. Thanks again man.

[randy]

At least 10 times a day.  Every morning before getting out of bed.  If things aren’t going well I feel comfortable just knowing it’s always there as an option.  I don’t think I ever will go through with it but I worry that someday I won’t pull out of one my ‘episodes’. The lockdown is making it seem even more attractive.
Interesting subject though. Should definitely be discussed openly without judgement.

[ramplocal]

Expand Quote

I have had times in my past where i have thought abt it, i feel like i am doing better now. Thoughts pop up here and there but i am medicated now and have a good network of people /friends /support.  Pals if you are even having thoughts of it please PLEASE reach out to somebody. Sometimes just talking helps out alot. If you have nobody you can even message me. Take care dudes

[close]

.  You sent me a really amazing message after my brother died that I even shared with my mom. It helped both of us. Thanks again man.

Hey woodsman, i remember messaging you during your hectic times.i have often thought abt you and your family whenever i hop on slap. I am glad you seem to be doing better. Much love to you and your mom.

[LordManHammer]

We’ve got a thread for this pinned up top
https://www.slapmagazine.com/index.php?topic=115189.0

I’ve tried several times to end it and each time I’ve tried to it fucked me up worse off than before. DON’T DO IT! You’re worth it for what it’s worth and if you need anything to talk about my dms are always open.

[Alan]

@shpongle, you ok? Please check in.