My best friend passed away suddenly from a heart attack mountain biking three years ago. I was supposed to go with him but flaked out the night before. Sometimes I wonder if things would have gone differently if I had been there.
I definitely cried for him, but never full-on sobbed. I've been carrying the weight of this pain, never fully expressing the depth of it.
A woman I've been seeing this last year is having some serious health issues. I've tried to be strong and supportive, but inside have been devastated. The thought of losing another person dear and close to me, has paralyzed me with fear and sadness.
We've been having a lot of talks lately about what we're doing. It's still a bit unclear what our future may be. In our last talk I started talking about my friend who passed away, and suddenly felt that tinge of emotion, and just went with it. I ended up sobbing uncontrollably, outside of a coffee shop. All of that pain came out.
It's strange. I feel much lighter. I feel like I have a new capacity for joy. I feel much more open and connected with my ladyfriend. I've always been reserved and feared big emotions, but now realize how important they are. I feel much better and optimistic about the future.