"Would you fuck me?"

[companguero]

Mandatory Responses:

First ask your parents what they would have named you if you'd turned out to be a different gender... or sex? 
( not sure what the terms are but you get the gist , trying to be all-inclusive )

How do you feel about that/those name(s)?

Voluntary Responses:

Discuss your personal flirtations/explorations with alternative sexual expression/gender and ...

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Moms wanted to name me Holly, she liked the floral reference - and middle name June after her mother.
I actually much prefer that name. It would have been both alliterative and symmetrical
I'm glad I have her maiden surname as my middle though.

I was named after my father's brother who has now basically disowned my dad. Probably with some good reason.
My dad neglected to help his brother during the last years of their parent's lives. So when the time came, uncle cut dad entirely out of the will ... but not only that, uncle neglected to give anything to his dead sister's children!
Fuck him, I suppose ... haven't talked to him since I don't remember when.
Unfortunately my dad had been completely neglectful of his responsibilities as a parent too so, not a fan of my last name either.

Since gender/sexual identity has become a public discussion in my recent lifetime I've been peripherally interested in the subject.
Thankfully, although Moms raised me with the most accepting worldview of people, I never really explored identity and self expression much.
Found skating and a few friends at 12 so I buried myself in that throughout the school-years to cope with social anxiety. No dating, no female friends.
My only gf achieved at 28 and have sworn off that since the relationship crumbled within 2 years.
Still, I met a group of people through her, a mix of cis/queer/and trans that gave me some exposure to their lives and parts of my own unrealized 'self'.
After the breakup, the ex moved to seattle - changed her name to jeff.
go figure.
Later on I needed to find a roommate or leave LA, only one of her friends ( a chick ) was financially stable so we found a place and that lasted 5 years.
During that time I had to sort out my sexuality as a guy. It's can be a pickle living that close to great boobs.
As a witness to her life: She lost a bf, had a fling with a dude, hooked up with a chick from her office for a while...
Talked about a dream wherein she was the surprise owner of a nice big black dick betwixt her thighs.

It was all very  eye opening.

At some point a new friend of one our friends got introduced. A young guy with mannerisms that made me curious about his sexuality. I was intrigued and soon realized I was attracted to him. Mature for his age, good tastes.
I was the first to quickly include him in our group. I struggled with my infatuation, talked about it with the other friends. One night I attempted a pathetic move on him and he declined respectfully. We quickly smoothed over that and life went on.

Two years ago, we got the great idea to dress me up as "Liz Taylor" for our Halloween party



It was another eye-opener. Plain fun to smoke cigs all night and get done up like that. To twirl a dress around and marvel at my make-up wasn't exactly natural but there were moments I felt distinctly "feminine" and recognized them as part of myself.

Fun fact, my roommate and our guy ended up together - biblically 
What even is gender/sexuality these days?

I dunno, ask Chappelle?
I just try to be funny.

Thanks for reading,
Goodbye you horses.

[whale]

My name is Petri, and there’s a female name Petra so I always thought mom’d named me that I was a girl.
I asked her once, and she said she didn’t know my gender beforehand and had names picked out for both gender but sadly could not remember it anymore.

I haven’t explored, but there’s been a few times a man has flirted with me. I guess it’s flattering. I try to be respectful and nice turning them down.

I glad you’re finding about yourself.
Life’s a trip, keep exploring

[numagik]

i know a lot of people who have found clarity from these insane couple of years we've had. it definitely helped me. i am in my mid 20s and currently waitlisted for hrt. im not out to family yet but i am starting a job on monday and it will be my first time being open about it and presenting feminine to people who arent strangers.

i asked my mom the name thing a while ago. i forget what the answers were but i remember them all seeming like stripper names to me. she had me when she was a teen so all the names they considered were kinda dumb.

[DaleSr]

I think my dad was set on Patricia, which I'm glad ended up not being my name. Don't remember if my mom had a name picked but she probably did since she really wanted girls but was rewarded with three rowdy disgusting boys.

I've thought about my sexuality/gender expression a lot, mostly when i was young and grappling with faith as well. Growing up, i was always very interested in the way i dress and trying to cultivate a style that was unique in contrast to the boring Christian kids around me. It was never anything really provocative or out of the ordinary, dyeing patches of my hair blonde to try and look "punk", wearing military vests with purple or pink shirts, basic hipster stuff really, but as a result, i was called gay a lot as a teen. And because i was told it so often, i began to question my sexuality.

Unfortunately I'm just a boring regular straight dude, but it gave me a lot of empathy for people who were persecuted for being different, because i was different (on a much lesser scale) and i didn't enjoy being bullied like that at all. And then meeting gay people right after high school and having Christian friends come out to me because they thought i was gay really spurred my exit from Christianity and made me want to be an ally to them as best i could. I still get "clocked" a lot to this day because of my mannerisms and lisp and style of dress, but that's a compliment honestly. Going out for pride this year with one of my closest friends, i was definitely the one who everyone thought was gay and my poor friend is clocked as straight because of how he dresses (despite having a very stereotypical campy manner of speaking).

I also dressed up as Elsa one year for Halloween and showed up to a church event wearing the princess dress and it was very fun having a flowing garment like that on. That's about the most gender fluid sartorial exploration I've done, although I've been eying some more "feminine" earrings and wanting to give them a try

[SneakySecrets]

Yes, I’d ram it down my sexy throat balls deep like I’m daddy’s little bad boy and swallow the load as I tilt my head back, face soaked with tears of love-smeared wonder.  Next question.

[matty_c]

Nah, but defz party with you

That’s sick bro, sorry for just a couple of lines but doing what you want to do is fucking power brother
Sick cunt

[Frank]

nice liz taylor get up, companguero! interesting thread and posts so far.

i was expected to be a girl and they wanted to name me josephine originally.

that fact was actually hammered into my head at an early age, which is why i sort of had gender dysphoria when i was in kindergarten. i knew i was supposed to be a girl and i didn't get a long with boys. i thought having a penis is weird and unwieldy and i was afraid of growing up a man. one of my worst nightmares as a small child was about the fact that i might grow a beard one day. i used to be terribly afraid of men with beards. i had this recurring nightmare where a mustache would grow within 5 minutes of me shaving it off. on top of that i looked very androginous for most of my childhood and youth, to the point where before i had any beardgrowth people would comment on how i would have made a pretty girl but instead looked like a butch lesbian or just effeminate and gay. and some drunk homies also said they'd probably try to fuck me if i was a female, so i guess yes to the original question. that said i basically look a lot like my biological mom, who was very pretty. i was shown a photo of her when i was 15 of her when she was around 17 or 18. she was super goth and i immediately started to copy her looks from the photo and entered a goth phase myself.

another thing that might have contributed to some mixed feelings about my gender identity was that i hated men because all around me, the men were just straight up assholes besides my two brothers. all the dads, my dad, my real dad who left my real mom behind so she had to give me away, the teachers. 90% of men i experienced in my childhood were assholes. which sort of led me to idolize women instead and resent being part of the man club.

nowadays i wouldn't say i experience gender dysphoria anymore. i'm pretty comfortable with me being a man. there's days where i feel more effeminate and days where i feel more "manly" and i will dress and style myself thusly. but it's all low key. like i put on nail polish and some jewellery when i feel cute, that kind of stuff. i'm also a fearless wearer of pink, purple and rose. sometimes i just want to feel like i'm eating shrimp and drinking white wine at the marina.

[companguero]

@Whale, Interesting answer about your given name. I'll go out on a limb and guess you're not a native english speaking american. Wherever you're from, I wonder why your mom's culture uses gendered names and how that affects its members. I could imagine kids taunting each other by their alternative names.

I found enough about myself to ward me of intimate relationships for a while and am now celibate.
story: I'm old friends with a couple who wanted to open up their relationship and the wife broached the subject with me.
I told her if anything would go down it would be best to try a threesome and they were comfortable with that. the husband wasn't interested in any fussin' with me so after a night on shrooms some organic stuff transpired between the three us. I guess you could say the wife was between us but we didn't meet in France. 
It was stress-free, no dramas but afterward I mostly felt aware of how sexually inexperienced I am. We've had one other evening together but same-same. Just too depressed to put further effort into it. no big deal though, I'm omnicurious about the world, plenty to explore.


The @DaleSr doth protest too much, methinks. "Boring" is false self-deprication. You've said something like that before. All you've shared on these boards contradicts that. there's no need to denigrate straight people. You can be a fabulous straight dude!
In a similar vein, when I acknowledged my hetero-flexibilty I became more empathetic to the prejudice non-straight folks endure. Maybe I had the "boring white straight dude" glasses on for so long that I was emotionally blind to other people.

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@SneakySecrets

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

@matty_c good shit, lol
Really my original thought for the thread was to motivate yall to pose the question and possibly unearth some unexpected stories from your parents.
There's a lot to a name, ok boomer's thread's a great example.


@Frank btw that's not me pictured but we did the best we could. It's actor Denis O'hare as "Liz Taylor" from American Horror Story

Thanks for your post. The roommate I mentioned had a slightly similar childhood experience, she remembered being cross at her own genitalia and asked her mom if she was supposed to be a boy. I think she was talking about the shape of her generous clit but as she got older she was very aware of her strong masculine energy despite how absolutely feminine she came across.
oh my, the goth thing. That was kind of a hidden aesthetic my young crush had. He didn't dress up much but his understated fashion choices were so well put together. it was the goth music he shared with me that played into part of what turned me on to him. The tone was emotional that hit me in new ways. The Sisters of Mercy and Schwefelgelb were two early shares.
My dad's lack of investment in me plus the fact he's such an unassuming guy (his farts don't even smell bad), seemed to cause my mom's personality to steer my unconscious modeling behavior. Many years ago in therapy I remember being asked what it meant to be a man. I had such a Bill Clinton response like "what does mean even mean?" I got no messages from my parents about gender roles. I said something along the lines of: it seemed more important that you develop yourself into a mature adult, adopt discipline to conduct yourself according to your values... although at the time it was meant as a very PC dismissal of a question I was too naive and uncomfortable to answer.


So, I'm appreciating what these younger generations are bringing to societies' conversations. It's challenging anyone who wants to engage publicly in the growing understanding of ourselves.

If anyone else is reading, just ask your parents what you might've been named and why, you'll learn more about what those genes that combined to form you. 

[Lou Strux]

First, @companguero: you a for real bad ass, and I celebrate & salute you.
Plus, you look awesome in that photo.
Next, personal props to all the other chill heads, sharing stories, offering empathy, and jus’ being real.
Finally, Frank, I 100% feel like sipping wine (Rosé for me) at the marina. Like… most of the time. Maybe we should do.
Fuck it; I’m putting 7-Up in that shit too! Mmmm.
And before anybody goes to the trouble to remark on my preferences in drank, I already know my taste in cocktails leans towards garbage flavored trash water, so save your fingers the effort.
Hugs.

[companguero]

@Lou Strux

First, @companguero: you a for real bad ass, and I celebrate & salute you.



Plus, you look awesome in that photo.

It’s not me though , cry/laugh react

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

[Lou Strux]

Well, in spite of this revelation, I feel compelled to add one of my favorite theatric numbers to this discussion, because… just because.
https://youtu.be/aZ4yCfdbSVI

[botefdunn]

op i didn't read your full post, kind of skimmed down to the photoand for a sec i was like " It's Lance Mountain!" .

[Loki700]

My parents were convinced I was going to be a girl and had chosen Meredith for me.  I think part of it was wishful thinking on my mom's part since the oldest was my sister, who was followed by two boys, then me, so she didn't want to be outnumbered.  I will say I prefer Paul over Meredith.

I'm glad you're finding stuff out about yourself though man, that's awesome.  As far as gender roles, I never paid them much mind as a child.  I was into "boy" things, but I never gave a shit about sports other than soccer because my oldest brother played it, but watching it was never interesting to me.  The only sports that actually interested me were skating and paintball.

I did get called homosexuals slurs when I was younger, and was one of my only friends at age 12 or so to come to the conclusion that using said slurs as an insult is shitty to homosexuals and homosexuals alone.  I also dressed up as Trunks from DBZ when I was 10 or so, and the color didn't wash out of my hair so it was kind of pink, and my band teacher dubbed me Frenchy after the character in Grease; that was a fun time of my life.  Being picked on so relentlessly probably is what led to me having the outlook I've had throughout my life, where I empathized with anyone who was treated like shit for who they are, and why I've tried to do what I can to help make life better for everyone on earth because I'm inherently privileged by being a straight white man.

I will say, all of the shit I endured as a kid never made me question my gender identity or sexuality or anything.  I had suspected for a while, and finally fully realized in my mid 20s, that I'm marginally bi, but all of the men I've been attracted to are soundly out of my league lol.  That's why I don't really consider myself bi, because realistically I'm functionally straight. 

The one thing that the harassment did do was, by the advice of my other brother, allow for toxic masculinity to take hold.  I wound up being a dick to people and grossly objectifying women because "that's just what guys do man".  I never became a full on douche, but I would pick on other people that I knew wouldn't fight back as a means of making myself feel better and to make it so I was less likely to endure more abuse.  I also was far less likely to let people know about more "womanly" things I liked, or that I cried at certain movies or had any feelings really.  I hid a lot of who I really am underneath a thick layer of machismo.

Luckily I've been undoing a lot of that shit lately and I'm rediscovering who I am, and being more open about who I am with those around me.  I still haven't told the world at large about my issues or attractions, but I'm no longer trying to act like shit doesn't bother me, or that I'm not interested in this or that, or how people will look at me if I'm a certain way.  I'm still very self conscious but I feel more like myself than I have for a long time, so it always makes me happy when I see others get to that point, and I'm glad that society as a whole is becoming more accepting of people for who they are.  We're not where we should be, but it's getting better.

[companguero]

... i am starting a job on monday and it will be my first time being open about it and presenting feminine to people who arent strangers.

i asked my mom the name thing a while ago. i forget what the answers were but i remember them all seeming like stripper names to me. she had me when she was a teen so all the names they considered were kinda dumb.

@2th
How did monday go?
That bit about your mom coming up with stripper names cracked me up.
Funny how names can evoke a stereotypical picture of someone. No one has trouble imagining Karen anymore.

[numagik]

very sweet of you to follow up, i appreciate it. ive had a great first couple of days and its really sped up my timeline for coming out. my mom is coming to town this weekend and i think im just gonna fuckin go for it

[hustleknocker]

never wanted to fuck myself. highly religious upbringing. started hrt 13 years ago. became alienated from family/friends. not much support here but self-acceptance is the biggest challenge imo.

[live, laugh, love]

I remember my Mom telling me that my name would've been Courtney if I was a girl. Maybe because I'm a guy and I'm so used to the name I was given, I can't really see myself as a Courtney. Doesn't seem to fit my personality. I'd make a much better Susan, or Debby maybe.

When I was about 15-16 I remember being in my friend Allison's room. She shared it with her younger sister. They had a box full of makeup on the floor in front of a mirror. I picked up one of their lipsticks and put it on. They both started laughing and continued to put makeup on the rest of my face. They put this moo moo like red dress on me. It was fuckin horrendous. I wouldn't fuck me, that's for sure.

Allison dressed up as a dude and drew on a dirt stache. She put her hair up under a hat. And completed her get up with a button down shirt and tie. She kinda looked like Reviewbrah with a dirt stache now that I think of it.

We walked down the street to a nearby park and sat on the swings. There was a lady there with her kid. I remember her saying, "Wow, they sure dress weird around here". Unfortunately those were the only people that saw us.

Never was hit on by another guy that I'm aware of. But then again, I'm not really hit on by anyone for that matter. I'm like a 5.7-6.3 on a good day. I'm old so I really don't care. My girlfriend has shit eyesight and laughs at my jokes. So I got lucky.

Great thread btw. And I'm happy that you're learning more about yourself.
 

[L33Tg33k]

Honestly, I fuck myself about three times a week. Never has anyone hit on me before and I don't know what their problem is. I figure I'm pretty sexy for a fatty.

[matty_c]

Do you mean like with your hand on your dick or like a dildo

No hatred had a mate for years, we’re only not mates now cause he’s a crackhead and a thief but dude full dresses in women’s clothing and fishnets when the need takes him and blokes got a girlfriend that like identifys as a female but was born a bloke

Fucken whatever mate no hate get weird
It’s more important to do what makes you happy then get approval off some cunt you don’t know

Heaps of cunts might talk shit like privately but if no cunt got the balls to say shit to your face fucking game on cunt

And cunts won’t say shit to your face either cause they full know they are wrong, like tucked away in the back of their mind, they know

It’s just losers in a circlejerk, like minded individuals that talk shit on that kinda stuff in their garages or whatever

It’s way more manly to do your own thing and not stress about what some pissant thinks

Edit

You don’t have to answer that leet, I was just curious but I fully don’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable or anything

[hustleknocker]

Do you mean like with your hand on your dick or like a dildo

No hatred had a mate for years, we’re only not mates now cause he’s a crackhead and a thief but dude full dresses in women’s clothing and fishnets when the need takes him and blokes got a girlfriend that like identifys as a female but was born a bloke

Fucken whatever mate no hate get weird
It’s more important to do what makes you happy then get approval off some cunt you don’t know

Heaps of cunts might talk shit like privately but if no cunt got the balls to say shit to your face fucking game on cunt

And cunts won’t say shit to your face either cause they full know they are wrong, like tucked away in the back of their mind, they know

It’s just losers in a circlejerk, like minded individuals that talk shit on that kinda stuff in their garages or whatever

It’s way more manly to do your own thing and not stress about what some pissant thinks

Edit

You don’t have to answer that leet, I was just curious but I fully don’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable or anything

people like u get dealt with period...

[matty_c]

I legit don’t understand what you mean
I might come off clumsy but I just meant it’s like more power to the person that does what they want

I wasn’t saying I don’t like homosexuals but fully the elephant in the room is some cunts don’t like it and we all know it

I fully know cunts that don’t like it

I was just saying like I respect these people posting

I guess I’m sorry if I upset you
I’m fully off roasting cunts online this is all I got

You should probably deal with that instead of me?
That’s all I got for coming back at you

Have a good evening

[matty_c]

Fuck this I’m spewing I don’t delete posts maybe I should have said nothing but also who the fuck are you I don’t have to justify shit

I’m not gonna like sign some fucken loyalty pledge or some shit but I fully find the whole gay party culture fascinating

I don’t know your orientation and frankly I don’t care
Post a pic get respect

As if I’m your enemy you muppet

[matty_c]

You got me on tilt you little shit

You seen Forrest Kirbys insta?

He’s a sick cunt he’s a full on loud and proud homesexual, he’s ripped as fuck, bloke looks great and he’s just having a good time doing what he wants

Fucks wrong with that

Maybe I am clumsy with words but honestly I wanna claim that shits all in your head ay, you shoulda got read what I said or rather what I didn’t say
I’m not your enemy ay bloke

[hustleknocker]

my bad, i misunderstood you. i'm not used to talking about this stuff with anyone. i'm used to people throwing all kinds of passive aggressive shade at me. it's little words here and there and the intent behind them that set me off, little jabs of denigration. it's much more discernible in person, but i see that's not you.

[matty_c]

Yeah word sorry bro I had a few drinks that’s like nothing to hide behind but maybe you’re right like some terms can offend
It’s hard to tell tone over text I wasn’t having a laugh or anything but I can fully see where you’re coming from

[Frank]

my bad, i misunderstood you. i'm not used to talking about this stuff with anyone. i'm used to people throwing all kinds of passive aggressive shade at me. it's little words here and there and the intent behind them that set me off, little jabs of denigration. it's much more discernible in person, but i see that's not you.

you just have to read mattys post in australian voice, then all the words that sound like cursewords turn into complements

[Loki700]

my bad, i misunderstood you. i'm not used to talking about this stuff with anyone. i'm used to people throwing all kinds of passive aggressive shade at me. it's little words here and there and the intent behind them that set me off, little jabs of denigration. it's much more discernible in person, but i see that's not you.

Had I not known Matty was Australian, which in fairness you had no real reason to know, I can see how what he said comes off wrong.  Aussies are just weird and speak a specific dialect of English where "cunt" means "person".  His heart's definitely in the right place though.