Surfing is to Skateboarding as Judaism is to Christianity

[Beeda Weeda]

religion is skating a 3 foot mini ramp with pool coping with a cage around it
street skating is not believing some made up bullshit.

[cucktard]

Snowboarding would be Islam?

Mormonism?

Or would that be snakeboards?

[Mr. Stinky]

religion is skating a 3 foot mini ramp with pool coping with a cage around it
street skating is not believing some made up bullshit.

Goddamn, this is actually correct.

[offkilter]

Skimboarding is spirituality
Snowskating is astrology

[wil540]

Fingerboarders are Bahai

[skunty]

Snowboarding is Islam yes that fits in perfectly except that means the first surfer is Isaac, not Abraham, and early skiing cultures would be Ishmael, and Jack Burton would be Muhammed.

[Frank]

what even is hellride these days

[SneakySecrets]

Clearly boogie boarding is Zoroastrianism

Soaping would then be Sufi Whirling Dervish-ing

[Lou Strux]

Where does couch surfing fit in to this?

[shannamal]

does that make venice beach the equivalent of israel/palestine?

[skunty]

does that make venice beach the equivalent of israel/palestine?

mmm good idea. that makes the islam/snowboarding connection not quite as strong... maybe roller blading would be Islam or maybe even BMX... but I was kinda thinking BMX and mountain bking would be buddhism and hindusim - non abrahamic religions being equivalent to non-board action sports. And how can we forget that skateboards were built out of roller skate parts... roller skating has to be in this as some pre-Christian non-jewish element that became part of Christianity... I dunno maybe roller skating is like pagan/greek/egyptian mythology or something

[Cool Ceith]

All I know is that Righteous Gemstones is fucking hilarious. Last week's cliffhanger is one for the ages. Praise be to He!

[shannamal]

All I know is that Righteous Gemstones is fucking hilarious. Last week's cliffhanger is one for the ages. Praise be to He!

the end of the last episode made me gasp. that episode was incredible

[mj23]

The story of surfing and the story of skateboarding, seen as the mythic origin stories of Judaism and Christianity.


God creates mankind and boards and makes a testament with mankind saying, "All of you ride the boards and be gnarly, and don't be a kook, and I the Lord will keep you all ripping". The first surfer is Abraham in mythic terms, and the native Hawaiians would be analogous to early Jews. Like Jews are the chosen people, Hawaiians are the chosen few to live in the sickest surf spot, and they all did surf, and God kept them ripping. In real life time line, when Captain Cook and colonizers come and nearly wipe out surfing in the 1800s, this is analogous to the period when the Hebrews are slaves in Egypt in religious mythology. George Freeth in real life is like Moses in the myth, bringing surfing back to the promised land, no longer marginalized where it can thrive. King David conquers Jerusalem and the Jews rule the holy land, in the surfing story this would be the time of Duke Kahanamoku being an absolute beast on a surfboard and surfing's earliest spread in the California. According to the Christian myth, mankind did not keep his testament with the god so eventually there had to be a new testament. Mankind's failure to keep his oath would be equivalent to the creation of judging subjective style in surf competitions - a total Kook move. In Christian myth, God sent his son known as Jesus. Skateboarding came to redeem surfing's broken promise, but like how Christianity is for anyone who accepts Jesus, not just a chosen people, skateboarding is for anyone because concrete is everywhere, not just the chosen few who live by a beach. Jesus was born into a humble Jewish family, the way that skateboarding was born into the surfers world. Jesus revealed himself to be the son of God, the king of the Jews, and started amassing a following of Jews, just like how skateboarding' s earliest devotees were surfers. One of Jesus's followers betrayed him and Jesus was killed. This is equivalent to the skateboarding industry basically collapsing in the 70s. But Jesus rises from the dead and so does skateboarding. And just like Christianity only offers personal salvation for your personal devotion, skateboarding is the same.

1. i agree
2. i want a bag of whatever you're smoking

[DaleSr]

religion is skating a 3 foot mini ramp with pool coping with a cage around it
street skating is not believing some made up bullshit.

What if I'm into that kind of kinky bondage

[pro club blanks]

All I know is that Righteous Gemstones is fucking hilarious. Last week's cliffhanger is one for the ages. Praise be to He!

Kelvin fucked around and found out!

[sk8parkchamp1on]

snowskating is Christian Science
parkour is Satanism
wheelchair is Gnosticism
razor scooter is Paganism
RC car at the skatepark is Church of Scientology
mobility scooter is Church of The Subgenius
longboard is Evangelical
hoverboard is Aum Shinrikyo

[cucktard]

Downhill are those gnarly snakebite churches

[RoaryMcTwang]

When I try a kickflip, does God already know that I'm going to miss it? If yes, is it fair to send me to hell for it?

[Easy Slider]

Wakeboarding is Anabaptism (because of the immersion)