I’ve been feeling especially lonely since I’ve got my 2 bedroom apartment to myself. Most of the decor was my roommate’s so now the place is looking deserted and sparse. I can even hear an echo whenever I close a door or step too loudly. Also feel like I’m taking a huge step backwards because I’m losing the place and will have to move back in with my mom. Feeling like I should’ve taken my psychologist up on the ketamine treatment.
Yo. I was pretty much in your postion, am somewhat back into it, including the ketamine treatment. A few things I want to share with you:
1. Ketamine treatment is a lot of work, and you have to continually get treated with it because it wears off. I believe you also have to spend an hour at the Dr.s' office after for monitoring and have someone to drive you. I had a Dr trying to hint to me to do it but he was a Dr. Feelgood that wore wooden fucking clogs and would have my scripts for what I take prewritten and would hand them to me when I walked in for the appointment. I knew this guy was just giving me drugs so I switched Dr.s' to one that is a true professional in 2019 and even though I changed insurance, I pay out of pocket for someone who actually takes the time to make sure I'm doing good.
2. At the beginning of 2020 I moved home from my apartment, felt like a huge step back, everything closed a month later. Not having the financial burden of an apartment that sucked was a huge stress relief and the year at home allowed me to plan my next moves which encouraged me to find a new job, and I got my dream job.
3. I just moved home again. Housing was included with my job, but I transferred because I was living on a protected area of land with no neighbors around, you had to do offroading to get to and from the house, and it was far so I was isolated for 3 years. I moved back, and its only hard because I'm not used to being around cars, hearing sirens, seeing businesses, and being in one room. But it's getting better and has already helped me plan more moves. I have stress off me now that I have a healthier home and life balance and it's helping me be more ambitious at work and in my personal life.
I wasn't getting on slap hardly ever because I couldn't skate living out there, so I forgot some of the issues you were dealing with but I remember talking to you a few times.
Living out there was really hard. I had constant car problems from bumping up and down the dirt road, constantly patching and replacing tires, having mechanical issues and not being able to get to a shop because I couldn't drive to the road I was so far back. I couldn't stand the only other person I worked with, I was overworked, and stressed the fuck out not having any social interaction. It was fun sometimes, and it hasn't been the easiest knowing I no longer get to walk out to a beautiful area at the end of the day, or just to see out my window and get me inspired, but there's a lot of things here that are making me see that its bigger.
tldr: moving home is not bad, it can help you reset/plan your next moves. I was really bummed at first moving back each time, but it always works out. Not only that but try to stay in a positive mindset even if it doesn't feel like you. I am incredibly hard on myself about everything. Even now I feel like almost everything I do at work or for myself is half assed even when I go to the extreme to do quality work. Hang in there fella!