I’m ok with blank-slating no one on the condition that everyone abide by the blank slate: namely, posters not resurrecting old beefs and quibbles and no one not giving them oxygen by defending himself from them. Let’s move on. I know that can be frustrating, but it’s how these things become toilet bowl rodeos quickly
That's exactly the issue. Attacking me for sport is just lame. bringing up age-old shit because you simply don't like me is also lame. Sometimes I ignore it, other times I clap back. but for me to be the bad guy for responding is still weird in my opinion. Everyone has seen me interact normally here, as well as take a good fun roasting. But the gratuitous hate is pretty pointless and pretty tired. We can agree to disagree there if need be but thanks for saying it.
I'll tell ya a story.
I was severely abused by classmates from 4th to 9th grade. The verbal was insane. I had a skin condition where I developed brown patches on my arms and neck seasonally. I was relentlessly mocked for it. I was mocked for “looking like a girl.” For being super skinny. My family didn't have a lot of money so when you come in with the knock off Jordans or Timberlands, you are the laughing stock. My learning was slower at times, so that became a target.
But the physical was even worse. I was super frail and thin. Paperweight. I now realize through many years of therapy and my autism diagnosis that there are many reasons why people may have reacted strangely to me (it still happens regularly to me now) that I was always unaware of but could not control. Vocal tone, facial expressions, overall demeanor, doing strange things maybe, OCD, shyness, jokes that didn't land or make sense, difficulty communicating and certainly never standing up for myself. The biggest regret of my entire life. Cowering instead of fighting back. My parents were not communicative at all so no one ever explained how to stand up for myself.
As you see now, this is not the case anymore and perhaps my biggest flaw. But after all of those years I refuse to go down without a fight. It just is.
People began assuming I was gay beginning in 4th grade. To this day it's the same. I will never understand it. But whatever. I certainly wasn't "Team Handsoming" in 4th -9th grade. I was just me. The gay narrative I have always played with as an adult was a way to show people who were "gay bashing" me that I'm not upset, its not bad to be gay and to illustrate the struggles that ACTUAL queer people deal with.
But beginning in 4th grade, there was a group of kids in my classes who used to pick me up, spin me around, throw me, push my face into the dirt, hold me down, pull my pants off, beat me up, headlock me, spit on me, steal my shit and break it ... like toys I might bring in or hats I was wearing ... take my lunch ... all fairly regularly. Teachers just kinda watched it happen or gave a slap on the wrist to the other kids who did it. Parents didn’t care. And I was too ashamed to tell my parents.
To this day, at 48 years old my girl and my friends always laugh about how fast I eat. Its just stuck from the early days.
The same group once eventually befriended me, invited me to one of their houses after school. I was so happy. When I got there they all jumped me in the yard. Just had my mouth pushed into the grass and soil I couldn’t breathe. Jumping on my back and kicking me. This was maybe 6th grade. The kids mother heard me screaming and came out and stopped them and called my mother to come get me. 8th grade, the same crew knew I liked this girl ... she asked me out to the movies. I got a ride form my mom and showed up so fucking stoked. Guess who was in the seats waiting for me when we got in the theater? The same crew. The dudes mocked me the whole movie. Throwing food at me. It was the movie Twins! Haha. but yeah, the chick set me up.
I just never understood why I was the target. Maybe because once it happens it just continues. Easy, successful target. Plenty of people have had it worse but this was my experience. And it was a lot of them befriending me over and over then assaulting me physcially. If you consider the fairly regular de-pantsing “sexual assault” then so be it. I dunno. But all very strange.
I was physically assaulted by nuns and priests. Pushed and slammed into blackboards. having them grab my arms and swing me around aggressively into place. Forced to sit at my desk until I pissed myself (this happened to a lot of us). I was an altar boy and the priests were fucking dicks. Again, no sexual abuse thankfully.
My reaction to the Chase Gabor story during the interview was a direct reflection of all this. You can slice it any way you want but my experience is that kids are FUCKING BRUTAL to each other. I knew I was in the minority in school, but I assumed it happened to kids everywhere so I wasn't shocked. Chase’s story, although awful, seemed normal to me.
In 8th grade I left Catholic school after 9 years. My parents moved me to a new town. Freshman, new town, new school ... switching from Catholic to private school which is a real culture shock let me tell you.
Nothing changed though. The very first day in an assembly the captain of the football team pulled my pants down in front of the entire freshman class. An instant target. I was called "faggot" daily, slammed into lockers, choked up against lockers, had my lunches stolen. jumped outside of school while skating alone. I carried a knife and mace to school. The worst though was the low-level stress. And this is what my therapist compared to what people in combat experience. The constant, fear of what might happen. That you might be surprised or caught off guard with something awful. Every day I picked a different door to leave the school. Every day this kid in my art class and others would be like "you're getting your ass kicked this week/today after school” I would get all my stuff ready before final period every day, never go back to my locker and dash out the door within seconds of the bell ringing. it was another year and a half of perpetual fear and abuse. I thought all this was normal.
Eventually by mid-sophomore year, I developed a loaded cannon for a mouth. I realized I could hurt people with words. The “eat a dick” personality that I have to this day is what got rid of everyone and all the abuse and harassment. Go for the throat instantly if someone starts shit. Be unhinged. Stand up for yourself at all costs. I'll double down and make you hate me EVEN more and watch you still not do anything but yap. Just to annoy the shit out of you. I've done it to Don Brown, I did it to the USA Skate staff and to many people in my life who have started shit.
For better or for worse, it works and it’s me. I’m just not a dude to start shit. Never have been because I was never capable of physically defending myself if it went wrong. Haha.
But I will always stand up for the underdog. Be it MJ after Carroll launched an online assault on his career and character with the Jenkem interview, Christine, the queer community in skateboarding ... I will always have the underdogs back.
It was the skaters who helped me too. As a skater in NJ in the early 90s, there weren’t many of us. None in my grade. Ever. I was alone there. But The Junior and Senior skaters took me in and had my back and warded off the bullies too. Which felt amazing. I had the older kids to skate with and to scare the abusers off.
Skateboarding man, it’s so special.
So yes. I have an “issue” (to some) defending myself when people come at me. But I will never see clapping back as a “problem”. I’d rather just avoid it all to begin with, but people always have to say shit.
Anyway … there is a little story to give you some perspective. Atiba Applebaum … you’ve come at me a lot in the past and made fun of me. All is good thanks for saying this! Even if I’m not back and “clean slated”. It is appreciated.
Thanks again to everyone supporting Christine! That’s the main thing here. I love interacting in a fun, productive, informative manner regarding my work. It doesn't have to be perfect and positive all the time, that's not normal ... but the constant agenda some people have against me is just absurd and tired.
End of long posts. I hope you enjoy the show and what's coming with The Nine Muses for anyone who isn't hating it. Thanks again.
Topic: James "Chris" Cole is a domestic abuser and ZERO and FALLEN love him (Read 778411 times)