Author Topic: I might be going to jail for the first time!  (Read 4484 times)

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*BargainShopper*

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I might be going to jail for the first time!
« on: January 04, 2008, 08:21:12 PM »
got a citation for trespassing and possesion
i have to go to court and i have no money
so what's jail like fellas
give me advice
i know not to drop the soap

sweets

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2008, 08:25:17 PM »
Unless it was a large amount you were possessing, you'll probably get probation and community service. Relax.
"instead of typing out some dumb reply to this post, go make some art, smell your own body, mate with your own hand, take a picture of your penis when it is in half-boner-mode and post it on slap." Tony

*BargainShopper*

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2008, 08:28:38 PM »
fuck the community what have they ever done for me?
so is that shit like house arrest and drug tests and shit?

VHS

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2008, 08:32:27 PM »
I laugh at your misfortune.

stagefright

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2008, 08:35:40 PM »
ask sprint cell phone about it
we toked a marley and i split back to the park, minding my own busineess when a rollerblader mean mugs..i let it go.

#1

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2008, 08:45:00 PM »
yeah it's definately not gonna be anything more than community service, which can actually be fun. i had 50 hours once and we just met up at this factory every saturday morning at 8 (the worst part by far) and just swept the floors and bullshitted. the supervisor dude was the funniest redneck ever who logged us in for 5 hours everytime when we never stayed for more than 1 or 2, and would give us words of wisdom all the time like "smoke weed while you can".
    and you'll meet people named "taco" who have some crazy 400 hours shit for being drunk and rampaging through the police station breaking all the computers and keyboards. i kind of miss it actually
« Last Edit: January 04, 2008, 08:51:05 PM by #1 »

ReidVaeth

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2008, 08:47:24 PM »
liek the guy way above me with the bukowski avatar said,you probably won't go to jail.i mean,if you don't want to do community service you can tell them and they will probably give you a tiny bit of jail time or just a year probabation.how much were you holding and what?if it was just weed then it really is no big deal at all.trust me,i don't think you're in too much trouble.
jammage.

ReidVaeth

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2008, 08:52:21 PM »
yeah it's definately not gonna be anything more than community service, which can actually be fun. i had 50 hours once and we just met up at this factory every saturday morning at 8 (the worst part by far) and just swept the floors and bullshitted. the supervisor dude was the funniest redneck ever who logged us in for 5 hours everytime when we never stayed for more than 1 or 2, and would give us words of wisdom all the time like "smoke weed while you can".
hahahaha same here.when i got arrested all i got was community service and two years probabtion.but i had to go to this place called CATS where they do plays and stuff.i had to build te sets and the guy who helped me was really chill and always said shit about how he used to do acid and weird shit.hahaha it was funny though.
jammage.

Prison Wallet

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #8 on: January 04, 2008, 08:52:41 PM »
Watch the original Scared Straight narrated by Kojak. Basically you've got three choices:

1. Beat up the baddest dude in the joint and be left alone.
2. Suck dick and wash socks.
3. Snitch your way into PC (protective custody/aka punk city) and get stuck in your cell for 23.5 hrs a day. And hope you don't cross paths with folks in general population.

ET253

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #9 on: January 04, 2008, 09:04:01 PM »
hahaha pay no attention to that dude ^^^ jail really isn't so bad. Just be laid back and act cool toward everyone and in most cases they'll reciprocate but even if someone wants to start shit for no reason you won't get raped or beat up, the gaurds don't let that shit happen. Shit gets broken up so fast no matter what's going on, but if you're cool to everyone and just bro down everyone's usually cool back. Plus, since it's not a major offense, they probably won't send you to the county jail or anything, probably just your hometown jail, and that's if they even send you at all, which they probably won't. I wouldn't worry about it too much. The worst part is the food. Oh, and when they turn all the lights on at 5 am and you just get to lay there trying to sleep with all these bright ass lights on. Not getting to see the sky for a couple days can fuck with your head too, but if you just make some friends then usually you'll all figure out ways to pass the time.

sebastian toombs

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #10 on: January 04, 2008, 09:12:01 PM »
join a white power gang, the aryan brotherhood will take care of you...

Edward Penishands

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #11 on: January 04, 2008, 09:13:42 PM »
join a white power gang, the aryan brotherhood will take care of you...

american history X says otherwise.

ReidVaeth

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #12 on: January 04, 2008, 09:15:15 PM »
hahahaha naw i mean if you don't want to be anyones bitch then fuck some dude up.but i don't know.i really don't thin you'll go to jail.
jammage.

Steve Zissou

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #13 on: January 04, 2008, 09:20:29 PM »
Expand Quote
join a white power gang, the aryan brotherhood will take care of you...
[close]

american history X says otherwise.

ya thats what i was thinking just watch that one scene form american history x and you'll be prepared

MikeyPioggia

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #14 on: January 04, 2008, 09:40:07 PM »
dont drop the soap nucka

RRRRRAD

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #15 on: January 04, 2008, 09:40:47 PM »
convince everyone that you're crazy 

CUDDLEMONSTER

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #16 on: January 04, 2008, 09:44:49 PM »
i always thought if i went to prison and was getting butt raped i would just pretend like i was liking it. like moan and jiggle my ass around. that way the dude who was raping me would freak out and think he was gay. point me.

deep

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #17 on: January 04, 2008, 09:46:04 PM »
sit on my face

Guinness

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #18 on: January 04, 2008, 10:04:57 PM »
lick everyones dick then they might not hurt you as bad. and scream all the time just because

*BargainShopper*

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #19 on: January 04, 2008, 10:21:30 PM »
join a white power gang, the aryan brotherhood will take care of you...
what about the natzi lowriders or ms-13
will they not get the job done as good?
oh i just got a photo bucket account and uploaded my pics now how do i get them on here?

mj23

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #20 on: January 04, 2008, 10:21:48 PM »
i actually spent six hours in an nyc holding cell last september for posession and everyone i met in the cell was really nice to me.  there were like 11 of us in there, all hauled in at the end of the 9-5 shift and left to wait while the greedy pigs logged overtime dragging their asses to run our prints and everything.

i was in for simple posession, as were like three others.  there was one dude for petty larceny, a guy who beat up his pregnant baby momma at the hospital, and a bunch of crackheads.

the petty larceny dude was dropping serious hustle knowledge about flipping wholesale timberlands on the subways.  the dude who beat up his girlfriend used his one phone call to call her, and they started fighting so the officers hung it up, and he started trying to beat them all up, then they knocked him back in the cell and he kept kicking the bars and rattling the walls and shit.  so this one officer comes rushing in with a spray bottle of something yelling "EVERYONE CLOSE YOURE EYES CLOSE YOUR EYES NOW!", and sprays the dude, and then starts laughing and high fiving his buddies because it was actually just water and we all cowered like little bitches.

yeah, after six hours i had pretty much gotten enough jail to last me a lifetime.

ET253

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #21 on: January 05, 2008, 01:40:52 AM »
haha this is a whole thread of REALLY bad advice. The only way any of itmight work is if you smuggled a bazooka up your ass, then everyone would be your bitch, even the cops. Naw dude just bro down, you'll be aight...

ET253

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #22 on: January 05, 2008, 01:42:19 AM »
i actually spent six hours in an nyc holding cell last september for posession and everyone i met in the cell was really nice to me.  there were like 11 of us in there, all hauled in at the end of the 9-5 shift and left to wait while the greedy pigs logged overtime dragging their asses to run our prints and everything.

i was in for simple posession, as were like three others.  there was one dude for petty larceny, a guy who beat up his pregnant baby momma at the hospital, and a bunch of crackheads.

the petty larceny dude was dropping serious hustle knowledge about flipping wholesale timberlands on the subways.  the dude who beat up his girlfriend used his one phone call to call her, and they started fighting so the officers hung it up, and he started trying to beat them all up, then they knocked him back in the cell and he kept kicking the bars and rattling the walls and shit.  so this one officer comes rushing in with a spray bottle of something yelling "EVERYONE CLOSE YOURE EYES CLOSE YOUR EYES NOW!", and sprays the dude, and then starts laughing and high fiving his buddies because it was actually just water and we all cowered like little bitches.

yeah, after six hours i had pretty much gotten enough jail to last me a lifetime.

This is the most sensible post I've seen on here so far. Great punchline too haha! You don't even wanna know what happened to me. I got arrested at the skatepark with beer and weed on my 21st birthday and had to spend the whole weekend in jail. It was fuckin lame...
« Last Edit: January 06, 2008, 05:57:13 PM by ET253 »

Doctor Handsome

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #23 on: January 05, 2008, 02:12:38 AM »
Jail is sooooo badass. 13 year olds don't go to jail for possession, by the way.

loophole

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #24 on: January 05, 2008, 03:12:51 AM »
i hope you rot in there.



nah... just kidding, you know i love you. good luck!

max power

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #25 on: January 05, 2008, 05:40:54 AM »
stay away from folks named vern schillinger and adibisi

grimcity

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #26 on: January 05, 2008, 06:08:39 AM »
Jail is sooooo badass. 13 year olds don't go to jail for possession, by the way.
I think they get sent to Catholic school.

*BargainShopper*

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #27 on: January 05, 2008, 07:09:37 AM »
haha this is a whole thread of REALLY bad advice. The only way any of itmight work is if you smuggled a bazooka up your ass, then everyone would be your bitch, even the cops. Naw dude just bro down, you'll be aight...
just bro down
...

lenny

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #28 on: January 05, 2008, 10:15:47 AM »
You're not going to jail. but on the super off chance you do, it'll only be county. which means no butt rape, no shanks, no problem. you could probably even con some dumasses out of their commissary if you got skills. 

tango $$ tha pussy viol8r

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Re: I might be going to jail for the first time!
« Reply #29 on: January 05, 2008, 12:31:03 PM »