^ It's my pleasure if I could help, I'm just as flawed as the next guy though so keep in mind I'm also part projecting and talking bullshit reflecting my own experience in every post (like we all do). I'm dropping clues I've found that worked for me, if they can inspire you to look up (or at least around, which might be the most realistic happy medium to avoid going through life as constant emotional abuse) instead of down then I'm just doing my part. Actually, ideally you should get to the stage where those ideas no longer represent anything foreign to you anymore because they would just be common sense and thus my walls of text would just look like the dumb shit they are.
Sometimes it's not your person but your position that's the fundamental problem if human relationships become a source of frustration, regardless of how wealthy or developed, someone's region will always only represent just a tiny dot on the planet with a limit on the opportunities that come with it and that's including interactions in general. Not knowing where you'd go isn't trouble, it's a chance, a lot of people have exact ideas on what they'd ideally like to do with their life yet most of them can't due to being attached to some social context, in a way you totally have the luxury not to be and the freedom to explore a large number of perspectives. And resigning is wrong when you aren't even really aware of the mission yet - think walking out of a restaurant without having looked at the menu, or declaring that the Nintendo 64 was a shit console under every possible aspect because you didn't like the controller the first couple times you tried it. Heck you're lucky enough to be alive and functional in the first place, I don't think you should throw that to waste.
I do think there's such a thing as oversaturation of a certain environment, if the experiences don't come to you you should try and come to them because in different places with different cultures, different stuff goes down including discussions and styles in communication. Also, the people you'll meet won't care about all the drama in your past (as opposed to small town people who I've observed love feasting on carcasses), which you can take as an opportunity to start anew (all the while remaining your natural self, and confident in your natural self). It's all out there, just maybe not making it all the way into your little town hence the idea to expand your focus. I remember being a rather secluded kid growing up in a small town too, and it took growing out of that phase by traveling as much as possible (first around my country, then beyond) as soon as my late teens to understand that part of my feelings of alienation back home really had to do with compatibility with the local culture, affecting most every little thing, but there were other places where I belonged. You were saying skating was really doing it for you these days, maybe you should make optimal use of it as a social tool to take even just day trips to new cities (just take whatever train, what do I know) or nearby states, spontaneously meet people at skate spots and not just parks and see what develops out of who you'll meet skating and hanging out there. Next thing you know, you might find a scene that really clicks with you and even start packing to move there - that's the type of shit kickflips are really worth doing for, not IG clips. Now I'm aware getting around like that isn't always cheap or easy, but it's just a habit of mine to live a frugal lifestyle in order to be able to focus on priorities, so if you really want something (especially given what I know of your current dispositions), you can just do it (instead of keeping it forever phantasmal).
At least that's what I did but 'in my days' skateboarding was different and more recognized as such a social tool, nowadays most people who do it stick to skateparks and will just poke and stare at their spinning wheel even when the time comes to have a conversation and they realize they forgot to keep their ear buds in, so I honestly don't know about how reliable that lifestyle is in the grand scheme of things anymore but anyway skating is just being the tool here and not the construction, one could replace it with a different activity and get the same eventual result.
tl;dr I'm getting the feeling that you're making the frustration you feel out of your familiar environment something personal and absolute. Don't go through life thinking something has to be wrong with your eyes because you can't see, when the fault is (at least partly) on natural blinkers you never thought of removing.
Topic: Things You Are Not Stoked On (Read 1886317 times)