wiping your butt

[beeda weeda]

Expand Quote

a long time ago I was shitting in a public bathroom, and realized there was no toilet paper, so I improvided with my sock, but it was a messy shit, and one sock wasn't good enough, so i lost both of my socks that day
anybody ever had this happen to them>?

[close]

what did you do with the socks afterwards? did you flush them?

I was young, I was upset, it was winter and I was at an hockey arena, so I just threw them on the floors beside the toilet. and went on with my day.

[nice weather]

Pissing with a boner isn't a problem for me, eventually touching the inner rim of the toilet is though. If it happens you can go straight into the shower, there's no getting around that.

On another note, we already have a lot of topics covered in here, but what about little games that you can play while taking a dump?
When I was a kid I used to play this game I called "destroy the alien base". Note that you need to take your shit before peeing in order to successfully play it. You also need a "silver tablet" styled toilet, without the water hole.
Nico, you might want to stop reading here.
Okay, so you take the shit and hold your pee in. The deuce is the alien base, place it like you want it, just keep in mind that it's  the fucking enemy. So now your pee is a promising last fleet of human space pilots on a suicide mission to save humanity. Your goal is to either destroy the ammunition chamber of the base (random part of deuce) or the Control center of the alien base (random part of deuce). You might also resort to just causing as many alien casualties by really messing up their base, but that shit's dangerous. If you manage to cut off and flush away strategically important parts of the base, you win, if not, you can be held responsible for ruining humanitys last chance to escape slavery. It's important to not go easy on the aliens when you start your attack, the kamikaze pilots make the difference, trust me.


I haven't played this in a while although it never gets old, but I'm interested in other games as well.

PS: let's never meet in person please.

[bill hates]

i like to get abstract and stare at my poop before the flush, trying to decifer a celebrity face or special message.

[kilgore.]

bag of mescaline, lights off in the bathroom, can of tomato juice, nude, a cat, a blow up doll that feels like patti smith, no quarter by led zepplin playing. you decide the rules.

[SFblah]

Okay, so you take the shit and hold your pee in. The deuce is the alien base, place it like you want it, just keep in mind that it's  the fucking enemy. So now your pee is a promising last fleet of human space pilots on a suicide mission to save humanity. Your goal is to either destroy the ammunition chamber of the base (random part of deuce) or the Control center of the alien base (random part of deuce). You might also resort to just causing as many alien casualties by really messing up their base, but that shit's dangerous. If you manage to cut off and flush away strategically important parts of the base, you win, if not, you can be held responsible for ruining humanitys last chance to escape slavery. It's important to not go easy on the aliens when you start your attack, the kamikaze pilots make the difference, trust me.

Wow...I just don't know what to say about that.

This thread is amazing in so many ways.

[longballlarry]

i used to play that except with cigarette butts instead of poo.

[jrock]

i hate poo

[onelove]

yes i look at the paper to know how much more wipping i need to do. how else would you know?

[longballlarry]

yes i look at the paper to know how much more wipping i need to do. how else would you know?

you can just tell man..... you can just tell.
it's like when your butt no longer feels squishy, you just stop wiping.

[onelove]

dats gross man. i need to ensure my cleaniness

[longballlarry]

it's kind of gross looking at a shitty piece of toilet paper too.

[kilgore.]

try wiping your ass with a coloring book. see if you get inside the lines.

[SR Junky]

stop posting

[kilgore.]

stop posting

bye baby

[tiger woods]

thanks sony mdr for seperating the questions to answer better..

how many of you look at the paper after wiping?

fuck yeah! you gotta know what's comin out of there.

also, do you guys fold the paper when you wipe?

i do fold, but i only use that piece once, then it goes in the toilet..i go through rolls of toilet paper a month, but i want my ass to feel a new piece on every wipe.

also i read that some of you wipe standing up.

i can't imagine standing up to wipe..i just lean over and keep em' spread..

[Ronald Wilson Reagan]

I play that game with shit, cigarette butts, pretty much anything that can be pissed on. I don't have a name for it though aside from "fuck it, I'll piss on that"

[Sony MDR V2 headphones]

I hope vicky doesn't post in here.

[Cthulhu!]

I've been taking pictures of my shit now. A poo journal if you will. In a few days I will compare and contrast and show you guys my favorite one.

[longballlarry]

can't wait.

[CigaretteBeer]

Pissing with a boner isn't a problem for me, eventually touching the inner rim of the toilet is though. If it happens you can go straight into the shower, there's no getting around that.

On another note, we already have a lot of topics covered in here, but what about little games that you can play while taking a dump?
When I was a kid I used to play this game I called "destroy the alien base". Note that you need to take your shit before peeing in order to successfully play it. You also need a "silver tablet" styled toilet, without the water hole.
Nico, you might want to stop reading here.
Okay, so you take the shit and hold your pee in. The deuce is the alien base, place it like you want it, just keep in mind that it's  the fucking enemy. So now your pee is a promising last fleet of human space pilots on a suicide mission to save humanity. Your goal is to either destroy the ammunition chamber of the base (random part of deuce) or the Control center of the alien base (random part of deuce). You might also resort to just causing as many alien casualties by really messing up their base, but that shit's dangerous. If you manage to cut off and flush away strategically important parts of the base, you win, if not, you can be held responsible for ruining humanitys last chance to escape slavery. It's important to not go easy on the aliens when you start your attack, the kamikaze pilots make the difference, trust me.


I haven't played this in a while although it never gets old, but I'm interested in other games as well.

PS: let's never meet in person please.

You are by far my favorite poster.

[jrock]

I've been taking pictures of my shit now. A poo journal if you will. In a few days I will compare and contrast and show you guys my favorite one.

post it here, and see how you stack up against the pros:

http://ratemypoo.com/

[nice weather]

You are by far my favorite poster.

awesome. My shitting related posts have made me real popular I reckon.

[Ronald Wilson Reagan]

When blogs first came out, the first time I saw one was my friend's "log blog," in which he described his pooping experiences that he had every day.

[dudebro]

Expand Quote

is this where you stick your boner vertically underneath the waist of your pants so that it is sticking out of your pants but still under your shirt? or am i talking about something else? what's that called? that saved me many a humiliating moment in high school.

[close]

that is exactly what i was describing

i call it "the lift and tuck"

[guy le douche]

this thread is wierd.

[crapface]

This thread is so good in so many ways that I really don't know what to say.

My routine would be something like this. Pull your pants down, sit on the toilet and let the shit fly like no tomorrow. Once I'm done I'll take about three or four pieces, fold it and get it a little wet. Wet wipes are a must in the beginning. After about five wet wipes I'll move to dryer grounds and discontinue the wetting of the papers. Also at this point I'll start checking out how's the project progressing. When I see no more shit stains on the paper I'll get up and take a good look on what I have just brought to this world. After a few moments of analyzing the project from the beginning to the bitter end I'll flush and continue to the adventures of the day.

[bumptobar]

Im good after 3-4 wipes almost always.  Sounds like you make a mess.

[dtrigiani]

I just got a new toilet, and my piss stream is way to powerful. It seems like my urine is bouncing off the toilet and water and then landing on the rim and possibly outside. I may have to fill the bowl with a wad of papers first, because the idea of piss possibly being on the floor is too much for me. I need to conduct some experiments.

How long do you guys like to spend on the toilet when laying cable? I know some people that can be done in a minute, but I like to play it slow to avoid annihilating my asshole. It's generally between 5 and 10 minutes, but I'm willing to go into overtime if necessary.

[brownjenkin]

When I sit on the seat I sort of rock side-to-side and work it so that the seat is holding my ass cheeks open to the max. The thought of dump sliding down the insides of my cheeks makes me shiver.

I stay seated when I wipe. I'm a folder. It's awesome because you can lay the TP flat against your hand and hold it down securely with your thumb. It also allows you to really dig into your ass with the ends of your fingers as you make the sweeping motion. I lean forward at about a 45 degree angle and wipe front to back, always checking progress. Once the TP comes up completely white, I wipe again, but this time back to front. I spread my legs, lift the balls and get to it. Usually I'll find the back-to-front will get some stuff that the front-to-back missed.

I make quick work of my dumps.  A long time ago I used to be able to chill on the seat and read. Can't do it anymore. Fast but pleasurable business -- so long as the dump isn't a gnarly one.

[dtrigiani]

I sharted in a restaurant once. It was about a couric and a half of the brown stuff, with the consistency of ketchup. I took off my tighty whiteys and threw them out then cleaned up. I was so ashamed I didn't talk the rest of the night. I was scared everyone knew. My mom suggested we go for a walk after, but I made sure we got home as fast as possible so I could shower.