Author Topic: wiping your butt  (Read 189280 times)

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skatefresh

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #540 on: January 16, 2020, 09:29:49 PM »
I've invested in a hand held bum gun since visting Thailand. You can buy the kits for about 30 bucks on Amazon and it takes about 10 minutes to install. It's basically a sink sprayer for your ass. Best 30 bucks I've spent. You never have to wipe anything. Just pat dry. Shower clean. Wiping with paper is barbaric. This has made taking shits alot less stressful. I may have to upgrade to a heated bidet one day.
« Last Edit: January 16, 2020, 09:32:01 PM by skatefresh »

50mm

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #541 on: January 16, 2020, 09:38:13 PM »
I'm wet wipes or die. I got them at work too. My buddy once sent me a text like, isn't it weird that if you were to get shit on your hands you would use soap and water and clean them, but when you take a shit you just rub it off with paper? We found out that day that we were both wet wipes types.

iKobrakai

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #542 on: January 16, 2020, 09:50:22 PM »
I'm wet wipes or die. I got them at work too. My buddy once sent me a text like, isn't it weird that if you were to get shit on your hands you would use soap and water and clean them, but when you take a shit you just rub it off with paper? We found out that day that we were both wet wipes types.

Yo, shitting at work is for the hardest dudes.

50mm

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #543 on: January 16, 2020, 11:34:59 PM »
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I'm wet wipes or die. I got them at work too. My buddy once sent me a text like, isn't it weird that if you were to get shit on your hands you would use soap and water and clean them, but when you take a shit you just rub it off with paper? We found out that day that we were both wet wipes types.
[close]

Yo, shitting at work is for the hardest dudes.
Well my office only has one restroom, multiple stalls. The office is really clean and we have a full time custodian so the joint is usually sparkling. But there are a few requirements. I'm at work for 9 hours a day and my shit schedule seems to be 9am every day when the coffee kicks in.

1. Use the handicap stall. Fuck em. If someone in a wheelchair comes in just say sorry the stalls were full and you had to shit.

2. Use toilet paper on the seat instead of those stupid wax paper cowboy hats. Those things are worthless. Just cover it in a few strips of toilet paper.

3. Wet wipes.

WobbleHeadBob

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #544 on: January 16, 2020, 11:47:01 PM »
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I'm wet wipes or die. I got them at work too. My buddy once sent me a text like, isn't it weird that if you were to get shit on your hands you would use soap and water and clean them, but when you take a shit you just rub it off with paper? We found out that day that we were both wet wipes types.
[close]

Yo, shitting at work is for the hardest dudes.

you shit at home, on your own time? fuck that im getting paid for my poops

50mm

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #545 on: January 17, 2020, 12:31:04 AM »
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I'm wet wipes or die. I got them at work too. My buddy once sent me a text like, isn't it weird that if you were to get shit on your hands you would use soap and water and clean them, but when you take a shit you just rub it off with paper? We found out that day that we were both wet wipes types.
[close]

Yo, shitting at work is for the hardest dudes.
[close]

you shit at home, on your own time? fuck that im getting paid for my poops
This guy knows. My work is a hell hole that works us to death. It's become so insane that burnout has set in and I spend more time on my phone than working. They are fucking us hard right now, but I'm in a union so I would have way advance warning before I could get let go. I would get like 6 months to improve my work.

I actually got called in again this week to discuss why my work was behind. My boss is new, and hes a huge pussy so the meeting was quickly flipped around. He only called it because the higher ups are trying to scare everyone. All I had to say was my work is behind because they have us doing double the #'s that is in our job description so until the amount of work goes down it will continue to be late.

I know I'm speaking vaguely, I don't want to say too much about what I do. But that was like the magic word. Once I said that they can't do anything. They can't even document my performance needing improvement because they have us doing more than we are supposed to so the standards can't be applied to us.

Our bosses are all assholes and most people are afraid of them but I don't give a shit. I've done this shit forever and a family member who used to do what I do taught me all the technicalities so I know what I can get away with. The bosses hate me but the workers love me. It's very much and us versus them thing and I'm always gonna go with the underdogs.
« Last Edit: January 17, 2020, 12:32:37 AM by 50mm »

iKobrakai

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #546 on: January 17, 2020, 10:26:23 PM »
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I'm wet wipes or die. I got them at work too. My buddy once sent me a text like, isn't it weird that if you were to get shit on your hands you would use soap and water and clean them, but when you take a shit you just rub it off with paper? We found out that day that we were both wet wipes types.
[close]

Yo, shitting at work is for the hardest dudes.
[close]

you shit at home, on your own time? fuck that im getting paid for my poops

I just can't relax in such a hostile environment... I need my privacy, my phone, my paper.

Esquivel

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #547 on: January 24, 2020, 02:26:53 PM »
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I'm wet wipes or die. I got them at work too. My buddy once sent me a text like, isn't it weird that if you were to get shit on your hands you would use soap and water and clean them, but when you take a shit you just rub it off with paper? We found out that day that we were both wet wipes types.
[close]

Yo, shitting at work is for the hardest dudes.
[close]
Well my office only has one restroom, multiple stalls. The office is really clean and we have a full time custodian so the joint is usually sparkling. But there are a few requirements. I'm at work for 9 hours a day and my shit schedule seems to be 9am every day when the coffee kicks in.

1. Use the handicap stall. Fuck em. If someone in a wheelchair comes in just say sorry the stalls were full and you had to shit.

2. Use toilet paper on the seat instead of those stupid wax paper cowboy hats. Those things are worthless. Just cover it in a few strips of toilet paper.

3. Wet wipes.

I do that too but always fail to hold my cheeks apart (no friction if theres paper sliding all over) and usually end up with a cheek-turd-cheek sandwitch. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

layzieyez

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #548 on: January 27, 2020, 03:25:08 PM »
Bidet because I don't want to fuck up the plumbing in my house.
I take everything I said back. The board hit me in the nuts for the first time ever today, because i was wearing these shits.

Frank

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #549 on: January 30, 2020, 02:36:37 AM »
yo also team wet wipes here. why would i want dingleberries to leave stains in my expensive designer underwear?

they come in nice smells, too, which is irrelevant but who knows, might be a plus someday.

i try to take shits at work as much as possible. going to the bathroom doesn't count as breaktime and when i just have to take three long shits because my body is weird like that, what are they going to do really?

of course it doesn't take me 15 minutes to take a dump, i just pretend and then lurk slap or whatever.

os89

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #550 on: January 30, 2020, 03:12:59 AM »
yo also team wet wipes here. why would i want dingleberries to leave stains in my expensive designer underwear?

they come in nice smells, too, which is irrelevant but who knows, might be a plus someday.

i try to take shits at work as much as possible. going to the bathroom doesn't count as breaktime and when i just have to take three long shits because my body is weird like that, what are they going to do really?

of course it doesn't take me 15 minutes to take a dump, i just pretend and then lurk slap or whatever.

Wet wipes are the truth.

beatifk

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #551 on: February 06, 2020, 02:19:58 AM »
Wet wipes may be dope but they're not biodegradable so you're fucking up the earth with that shit. Also, if you have a septic tank you're gonna regret using wet wipes eventually.

The whole world should be on bidets. Get it together people.

mynameisnotjeff

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #552 on: February 21, 2020, 02:47:15 PM »
Work has questionable 2-ply and Iíve recently havenít been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.

Also, I donít flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Donít want to clog any pipes. 
Nothing I do deserves more than an iphone camera.

iKobrakai

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #553 on: February 21, 2020, 06:40:33 PM »
Work has questionable 2-ply and Iíve recently havenít been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.

Also, I donít flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Donít want to clog any pipes.

Where does your shitty TP go?

EricLogan

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #554 on: February 22, 2020, 03:54:09 PM »
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I'm wet wipes or die. I got them at work too. My buddy once sent me a text like, isn't it weird that if you were to get shit on your hands you would use soap and water and clean them, but when you take a shit you just rub it off with paper? We found out that day that we were both wet wipes types.
[close]

Yo, shitting at work is for the hardest dudes.
[close]

you shit at home, on your own time? fuck that im getting paid for my poops
[close]

I just can't relax in such a hostile environment... I need my privacy, my phone, my paper.

I work on the road out of a fleet vehicle. I'm entirely reliant on shittying up the toilets of commercial customers, (god forbid) residential customers, or public restrooms. It is frequently less than ideal, however over years in the field, I've established a matrix of public restrooms in each city I work, like assassins safe houses spread out over two states. It is not for the faint of heart, or irritable of bowels.
I rarely venture into classic slap and the one time I do it I find a guy getting his dick eaten by a dolphin.

mynameisnotjeff

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #555 on: February 22, 2020, 04:37:14 PM »
Expand Quote
Work has questionable 2-ply and Iíve recently havenít been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.

Also, I donít flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Donít want to clog any pipes.
[close]

Where does your shitty TP go?

Bathroom tp that goes to a dumpster and eventually a landfill.
Nothing I do deserves more than an iphone camera.

Abyss1

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #556 on: February 22, 2020, 06:33:34 PM »
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Work has questionable 2-ply and Iíve recently havenít been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.

Also, I donít flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Donít want to clog any pipes.
[close]

Where does your shitty TP go?
[close]

Bathroom tp that goes to a dumpster and eventually a landfill.

So you take your shit TP ,walk the shitty TP to the kitchen dumpster or do you use the bathroom garbage can.   Either way sounds gross,  I just opened my bathroom garbage where I dump my wipes and that shit smells like terrible shit....not sure if Iím going to keep throwing these shit wipes away

mynameisnotjeff

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #557 on: February 22, 2020, 08:54:50 PM »
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Work has questionable 2-ply and Iíve recently havenít been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.

Also, I donít flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Donít want to clog any pipes.
[close]

Where does your shitty TP go?
[close]

Bathroom tp that goes to a dumpster and eventually a landfill.
[close]

So you take your shit TP ,walk the shitty TP to the kitchen dumpster or do you use the bathroom garbage can.   Either way sounds gross,  I just opened my bathroom garbage where I dump my wipes and that shit smells like terrible shit....not sure if Iím going to keep throwing these shit wipes away

Toilet trash can, Iím not an animal. Yeah, it can get bad but I also spray or light a candle.
Nothing I do deserves more than an iphone camera.

iKobrakai

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #558 on: February 22, 2020, 11:35:20 PM »
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Expand Quote
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Work has questionable 2-ply and Iíve recently havenít been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.

Also, I donít flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Donít want to clog any pipes.
[close]

Where does your shitty TP go?
[close]

Bathroom tp that goes to a dumpster and eventually a landfill.
[close]

So you take your shit TP ,walk the shitty TP to the kitchen dumpster or do you use the bathroom garbage can.   Either way sounds gross,  I just opened my bathroom garbage where I dump my wipes and that shit smells like terrible shit....not sure if Iím going to keep throwing these shit wipes away
[close]

Toilet trash can, Iím not an animal. Yeah, it can get bad but I also spray or light a candle.


You store shit in your bathroom? The fuck am I reading?

os89

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #559 on: February 23, 2020, 05:43:58 AM »
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Work has questionable 2-ply and Iíve recently havenít been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.

Also, I donít flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Donít want to clog any pipes.
[close]

Where does your shitty TP go?
[close]

Bathroom tp that goes to a dumpster and eventually a landfill.
[close]

So you take your shit TP ,walk the shitty TP to the kitchen dumpster or do you use the bathroom garbage can.   Either way sounds gross,  I just opened my bathroom garbage where I dump my wipes and that shit smells like terrible shit....not sure if Iím going to keep throwing these shit wipes away
[close]

Toilet trash can, Iím not an animal. Yeah, it can get bad but I also spray or light a candle.
[close]


You store shit in your bathroom? The fuck am I reading?

There is an episode of broad city about this very thing. Here is a bit of the synopsis.

"Abbi's toilet is blocked and the building's landlord, Fernando Hernandez, tells her that she should use a shitbucket - a separate garbage can that is used for toilet paper. The plumber says that the other residents of her apartment block use shitbuckets and that he grew up using one."

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5780874/

WobbleHeadBob

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #560 on: February 23, 2020, 05:51:39 AM »
Expand Quote
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Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Work has questionable 2-ply and Iíve recently havenít been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.

Also, I donít flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Donít want to clog any pipes.
[close]

Where does your shitty TP go?
[close]

Bathroom tp that goes to a dumpster and eventually a landfill.
[close]

So you take your shit TP ,walk the shitty TP to the kitchen dumpster or do you use the bathroom garbage can.   Either way sounds gross,  I just opened my bathroom garbage where I dump my wipes and that shit smells like terrible shit....not sure if Iím going to keep throwing these shit wipes away
[close]

Toilet trash can, Iím not an animal. Yeah, it can get bad but I also spray or light a candle.
[close]


You store shit in your bathroom? The fuck am I reading?
[close]

There is an episode of broad city about this very thing. Here is a bit of the synopsis.

"Abbi's toilet is blocked and the building's landlord, Fernando Hernandez, tells her that she should use a shitbucket - a separate garbage can that is used for toilet paper. The plumber says that the other residents of her apartment block use shitbuckets and that he grew up using one."

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5780874/

a container full of poopy paper just siting ttere festering. I hope i never experience one of these in real life

iKobrakai

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #561 on: February 23, 2020, 09:38:08 AM »
Fuck that. I'd rather go live in a forrest than store shit next to my fucking tooth brush.

L33Tg33k

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #562 on: February 26, 2020, 07:38:36 PM »
I told all you fucks before, lightly wet your tp before you wipe and you'll be goddamn clean. Also invest in a bidet. Bidet attachments are only like 20 monies. If that ain't cutting it, grab a rag and wet it with soap and go to town on your sphincter. ;D
Before you say the music sucked, have you considered shutting the fuck up?

iKobrakai

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #563 on: February 26, 2020, 09:33:15 PM »
I told all you fucks before, lightly wet your tp before you wipe and you'll be goddamn clean. Also invest in a bidet. Bidet attachments are only like 20 monies. If that ain't cutting it, grab a rag and wet it with soap and go to town on your sphincter. ;D

Yepp, there is tons of fun stuff to do with the old sphincter!

Abyss1

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #564 on: February 27, 2020, 10:48:15 AM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Work has questionable 2-ply and Iíve recently havenít been able to hold it (my stomach starts making noises). Noting compres to home.

Also, I donít flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Donít want to clog any pipes.
[close]

Where does your shitty TP go?
[close]

Bathroom tp that goes to a dumpster and eventually a landfill.
[close]

So you take your shit TP ,walk the shitty TP to the kitchen dumpster or do you use the bathroom garbage can.   Either way sounds gross,  I just opened my bathroom garbage where I dump my wipes and that shit smells like terrible shit....not sure if Iím going to keep throwing these shit wipes away
[close]

Toilet trash can, Iím not an animal. Yeah, it can get bad but I also spray or light a candle.
[close]


You store shit in your bathroom? The fuck am I reading?
[close]

There is an episode of broad city about this very thing. Here is a bit of the synopsis.

"Abbi's toilet is blocked and the building's landlord, Fernando Hernandez, tells her that she should use a shitbucket - a separate garbage can that is used for toilet paper. The plumber says that the other residents of her apartment block use shitbuckets and that he grew up using one."

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5780874/
[close]

a container full of poopy paper just siting ttere festering. I hope i never experience one of these in real life

I know plumbers who say the wipes will clog your toilet....I bought those flushable wipes and they didnt get my ass clean even though i was able to flush

Seventyfrigginseven

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #565 on: February 29, 2020, 10:01:04 AM »
I analyzed my shitting process this morning after my 2nd cup of coffee, and figured I would report in. It all seems fairly "normal" to Me. However I did realize that I do engage in a hard list to my portside when I am wiping. I also noticed I rush way to much. I do take the time to ensure a good wipe but the whole process overall seems rushed for some reason. It's just one more thing to work on other than heelflip variations.. oh well I guess.

iKobrakai

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #566 on: March 02, 2020, 10:43:38 AM »
Bro... I finally learned to shit at work before my heavy deadlift/squat sessions! Good warm-up, too!

Frank

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #567 on: March 02, 2020, 12:11:16 PM »
i'm happy for you bro. a new life awaits. welcome to the fam!

straight

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #568 on: March 02, 2020, 05:56:20 PM »
Also, I donít flush my TP and wipes I throw them out. Donít want to clog any pipes.

do you catch your poo before it hits the water too

iKobrakai

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #569 on: March 03, 2020, 07:24:53 AM »
i'm happy for you bro. a new life awaits. welcome to the fam!

Thanks, bro!