Author Topic: wiping your butt  (Read 204664 times)

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christian Brown

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #210 on: December 13, 2010, 03:52:34 PM »
this thread is hilarious and just fucked up my shit at work....sitting in a meeting and laughing out loud.....anyways i have this theory that women who have brown ugly vaginas started wiping back to front therefore getting dookie all up in their shaazaamm....any experiences with this???i freaked out the other day on this chick and left because of the site of such unfortunate events...

Narcissus

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #211 on: December 14, 2010, 08:35:17 AM »
you did the right thing, chris Brown.

nobody wants this.
i saw my grandma bail off a 4 set once in my house and she even got up and came to red lobster after.
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gnarnel

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #212 on: February 09, 2011, 09:22:23 PM »
I usually just cram a hand full of toilet paper around y finger then jam it up my butt  sit back down for 5 to 10 min then pull it out throw it in the trash (not in the toilet)  pull my pants up and purposely dont wash my hand then high five my friends all day long!

friendly dave

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #213 on: February 10, 2011, 10:13:41 AM »
I usually just cram a hand full of toilet paper around y finger then jam it up my butt  sit back down for 5 to 10 min then pull it out throw it in the trash (not in the toilet)  pull my pants up and purposely dont wash my hand then high five my friends all day long!

Because you can't kill and idea, and we will not be ruled!

the visuals are also mad visual yo
FTW

gnarnel

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #214 on: February 15, 2011, 07:59:40 PM »
any one else rip out hairs when they whipe some times? or is it just me? another thing comes to mind a question me and my friends have been trying to answer for a while. what is the easyest way to get ride of but hair? i have a jungle and i need help people ahah

George Mirchev

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #215 on: February 16, 2011, 03:24:44 AM »
We all need to look! It's important not to leave TOO much on your butthole. Stay safe!

David

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #216 on: February 02, 2012, 03:16:07 PM »

Jive Turkey

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #217 on: February 02, 2012, 05:28:37 PM »
I recently found out that there are people that stand up and wipe. That’s so wrong. If you stand up your cheeks close and then your ass ends up looking like a Rorschach test.

First wipe is a pincer attack. Thumb and index finger at the chode and mid-crack respective brought together at the butthole. Pull straight down, removing the cling-ons. Check for chunks. If it’s clear proceed with standard front to back wiping. It’s important to throw a down stroke in once or twice so that your not just smearing shit up your crack.

jgonzalez

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #218 on: February 02, 2012, 05:52:22 PM »
I recently found out that there are people that stand up and wipe. That?s so wrong. If you stand up your cheeks close and then your ass ends up looking like a Rorschach test

That's why you spread your cheeks with your hand and bend over a little. I just don't like to feel like I'm digging around my ass while sitting down.
and it's not like you'd stand up and flex the muscles and walk around.

nothing's been the since same

GarglesCmen

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #219 on: February 02, 2012, 05:59:13 PM »
I recently found out that there are people that stand up and wipe. That?s so wrong. If you stand up your cheeks close and then your ass ends up looking like a Rorschach test.

First wipe is a pincer attack. Thumb and index finger at the chode and mid-crack respective brought together at the butthole. Pull straight down, removing the cling-ons. Check for chunks. If it?s clear proceed with standard front to back wiping. It?s important to throw a down stroke in once or twice so that your not just smearing shit up your crack.

You have such a way with words


HOUSTON, TEXAS!

Jive Turkey

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #220 on: February 02, 2012, 06:52:41 PM »
I just don't like to feel like I'm digging around my ass while sitting down.
I can understand not wanting to move you hand over a pile of fresh shit but that’s why you lean to one side and do it at an angle.

If you stand your cheeks close whether you flex or not. The only way around that is to adopt a wide stance, which would require taking at least one leg out of your trousers, or to hand spread your cheeks. That’s a lot of work. On the pot your ass is already wide open and you’ve got both hands free.

David

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #221 on: February 03, 2012, 01:12:37 AM »
Bidet: pronounced, 'Bi-day'


How to operate a bidet

Jive Turkey

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #222 on: February 03, 2012, 03:52:00 PM »
The Japanese have done you one better with an ass sprayer built into the toilet seat. Adjustable temperature and water pressure, and heated seats. Some even have a blow dryer for your bum.
I've got to say it took a while to get used to having a stream of water shot at my ass, but my dog blossom is as clean as a whistle.

GarglesCmen

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #223 on: February 03, 2012, 04:58:45 PM »
The Japanese have done you one better with an ass sprayer built into the toilet seat. Adjustable temperature and water pressure, and heated seats. Some even have a blow dryer for your bum.
I've got to say it took a while to get used to having a stream of water shot at my ass, but my dog blossom is as clean as a whistle.

Your way with words, does not cease to impress


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BraveUlysses

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #224 on: February 03, 2012, 06:24:09 PM »
any one else rip out hairs when they whipe some times? or is it just me? another thing comes to mind a question me and my friends have been trying to answer for a while. what is the easyest way to get ride of but hair? i have a jungle and i need help people ahah
Every time

DaSk8D00D

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #225 on: March 15, 2012, 10:25:28 PM »
i fucking HATE when i dont wipe my ass enough and end up feeling a lil irritation my crack a while afterwards. seriously, it happens way too often

pancake man

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #226 on: March 16, 2012, 12:47:23 AM »
I use to stand to wipe, but now I am a converted sitter

Jive Turkey

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #227 on: March 16, 2012, 03:19:39 AM »
I use to stand to wipe, but now I am a converted sitter
Good lad. Welcome to the flock.

sprayTAN101

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #228 on: March 16, 2012, 12:26:12 PM »
i fucking HATE when i dont wipe my ass enough and end up feeling a lil irritation my crack a while afterwards. seriously, it happens way too often

it happens. especially post drinking. my number one tip is to make a ball of TP and make give it a splash in the sink (if within reach). that baby takes care of even the toughest of remnants. proceed with a single regular wipe = done.

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Karlos

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #229 on: March 25, 2012, 02:50:11 AM »
Expand Quote
i fucking HATE when i dont wipe my ass enough and end up feeling a lil irritation my crack a while afterwards. seriously, it happens way too often
[close]

it happens. especially post drinking. my number one tip is to make a ball of TP and make give it a splash in the sink (if within reach). that baby takes care of even the toughest of remnants. proceed with a single regular wipe = done.

just spit on it

brownjenkin

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #230 on: March 26, 2012, 02:28:17 PM »
If I do a gnarly crap and I still don't feel quite clean enough after wiping, I sit on the edge of my tub with my ass hanging over and give a nice rinse with warm water then towel dry. Like mini shower just for my butt.

An itchy, greasy feeling asshole can ruin my fucking day.

pica

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #231 on: March 27, 2012, 12:59:25 AM »
one of the dudes from school only wiped his ass with cotton batting.
he had to use it once cause there was no more toilet paper and now he swears by it.
he said he wouldn't let anything rougher to his ass. his girfriend had to carry a bag of cotton batting in her handbag all the time.
i'd totally try it, but i'm afraid of getting addicted and i don't want to have to persuade my girl to carry that stuff around.

friendly dave

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #232 on: April 11, 2012, 12:03:31 PM »
Went on a hike yesterday. As soon as I started I felt a little rumble in my stomach, didn't think anything of it, and figured it'd just go away. I was wrong. The rumble, and subsequent turtle headding only got worse. At about mile 4 on my hike it was game time. I was either going to shit my pants or shit in the woods. Now this hike had a lot of switchbacks, and not a whole lot of areas for a nice secluded dump. Luckily for me, off the end of one of the switch backs was an old landslide/boulder field. So I cut through the bushes off the end of the trail, across the rocks until I got down to a few big boulders I could duck behind. And just in time too. As soon as I got my shorts down, I splattered what was left of the prior night's tater tots all over the rocks below me. It smelled something awful. Now normally in this situation, you could just sacrifice a sock, but since I had quite a walk ahead of me still, that wasn't an option. So standing there with my shorts still down around my knees, dick swingin in the breeze, I grab my pocket knife, pull my shirt off, and cut the sleeves off. Those sleeves really saved my ass. I cleaned myself up, scurried back across the rock field to the trail, and immediately bumped into a couple I had seen about an hour earlier. I wonder if they wondered where my sleeves went?
Because you can't kill and idea, and we will not be ruled!

the visuals are also mad visual yo
FTW

sleepypancakes

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #233 on: April 11, 2012, 06:30:00 PM »
Went on a hike yesterday. As soon as I started I felt a little rumble in my stomach, didn't think anything of it, and figured it'd just go away. I was wrong. The rumble, and subsequent turtle headding only got worse. At about mile 4 on my hike it was game time. I was either going to shit my pants or shit in the woods. Now this hike had a lot of switchbacks, and not a whole lot of areas for a nice secluded dump. Luckily for me, off the end of one of the switch backs was an old landslide/boulder field. So I cut through the bushes off the end of the trail, across the rocks until I got down to a few big boulders I could duck behind. And just in time too. As soon as I got my shorts down, I splattered what was left of the prior night's tater tots all over the rocks below me. It smelled something awful. Now normally in this situation, you could just sacrifice a sock, but since I had quite a walk ahead of me still, that wasn't an option. So standing there with my shorts still down around my knees, dick swingin in the breeze, I grab my pocket knife, pull my shirt off, and cut the sleeves off. Those sleeves really saved my ass. I cleaned myself up, scurried back across the rock field to the trail, and immediately bumped into a couple I had seen about an hour earlier. I wonder if they wondered where my sleeves went?
...damn. Respect.

zonar

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #234 on: April 12, 2012, 12:38:12 PM »

DontTreadgoShred

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #235 on: April 23, 2012, 07:56:53 AM »
Not to stray too far from the subject, cause this thread is classic. But i'd like to talk about clogging toilets for a moment. Amongst my friends, my name is synonymous for wrecking toilets. My first account was at my friends house at around the age of fifteen, I was waiting on my ride back home before dropping trow because I knew it was about to be a terror. After a brief conversation with my pops on the phone and finding out I had to wait longer, I had no other choice but to destroy my friends guest bathroom. Now my hesitation came from knowing that this toilet/bathroom is very rustic, and I didnt trust it in the first place. So after I dueced it and wiped my ass for a solid twenty minutes, I flushed the toilet in pure hesitance. As I assumed the toilet clogged right off the bat, so Im already sketched and the adrenaline is flowing. I stood there staring at the bowl of steaming pho' in contemplation, trying to decide whether or not to huck another flush. With time running out I made the awful decision to flush the pot again, as the water was at about half full. I immediately knew I fucked up, and as the water starting over-flowing I was pacing back and forth mumbling to myself "oh shit, oh shit" no pun intended. I quickly re arranged the furniture in the bathroom like it was gonna make a fuckin difference, threw the floormat over the shower curtain, and stood in fear as I witnessed the behemoth turd hit the polished floor. I gasped, and in the heat of the moment I picked up the turd bare handed and threw it in the trashcan. I then buried it with excess toilet paper as if it was gonna mask the scent, then I fuckin dipped. 
    This whole time this sitcom was happening my friend was at work, and I had to break the news to him over the phone. Needless to say, he was quite shitty. But in due time he forgave me and it will forever be a good laugh
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DontTreadgoShred

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #236 on: April 23, 2012, 09:34:29 AM »
dang I'm glad to hear that. And as far as the ass wiping goes I'm a "sit on the pot" kind of guy, although depending on the circumstance I stand wipe when its more efficient. Basically if I'm in a cubicle type of environment I like to utilize the space to my advantage, whatever gets the job done. I'm also very cautious when it comes to public shitters, I like adding a layer of toilet paper onto the ass seat for more comfort. One of those things that should be ok, but isnt.

  Hell, only God can judge me.
« Last Edit: April 23, 2012, 09:47:24 AM by DontTreadgoShred »
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DontTreadgoShred

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #237 on: April 23, 2012, 09:49:22 AM »
yeah, It would be very hard to clean a dirty toilet stall with dignity. If it were my duty, I would for sure half ass it, maybe even third ass it.
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saucy ragu

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #238 on: April 23, 2012, 10:45:15 AM »
For the standers, do you stand straight up, or is it more of a "peek-a-boo" between the legs stance? I imagine your double-processed animal style bacon burger would spread like secret sauce if you allowed your cheeks to slap together for even a moment, and it scares me.
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DontTreadgoShred

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #239 on: April 23, 2012, 12:06:22 PM »
Quite frankly Ragu, I don't even know how to respond to what you just said. My best answer would be standing straight up, but I'm having trouble understanding the other position you described. It sounds like your describing a bad experience at In n out burger.

Papa smurf can I wipe your ass? yeah wipe my ass bitch
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