Author Topic: wiping your butt  (Read 204706 times)

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pinche gringo

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #270 on: July 26, 2013, 03:43:38 PM »
If you're running wet wipes as part of your wiping routine, I hope you're following it up with some dry wiping of some sort. There's no way I'm pulling up my pants with slippery cheeks.

Absolutely, the goal is clean and dry when finished.

ice nine

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #271 on: July 26, 2013, 05:15:53 PM »
it's hard to know when to stop wiping when there's just more and more blood every time I wipe
I;m sure i;m not the only dc/monster/subaru type guy here

SodaJerk

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #272 on: July 27, 2013, 08:26:46 AM »
it's hard to know when to stop wiping when there's just more and more blood every time I wipe
That's harsh man. You might want to get checked for hemorroids or you could have an anal fissure.

L33Tg33k

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #273 on: July 27, 2013, 04:06:29 PM »
it's hard to know when to stop wiping when there's just more and more blood every time I wipe
You're probably joking, but I sometimes have this problem.
Before you say the music sucked, have you considered shutting the fuck up?

pencil

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #274 on: October 02, 2013, 04:01:30 PM »
Expand Quote
it's hard to know when to stop wiping when there's just more and more blood every time I wipe
[close]
You're probably joking, but I sometimes have this problem.

dude your life literally sucks so bad that im trying to post 1000 times just t o gnar u
would you rather read an abudabi post or have a screwdriver shoved up your ass?

ROCKxADIO420

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #275 on: October 03, 2013, 03:04:18 PM »
i have an adorable jack russell terrier named max who licks my butthole clean after every shit



love you, max.

pencil

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #276 on: October 03, 2013, 03:09:13 PM »
i have an adorable jack russell terrier named max who licks my butthole clean after every shit



love you, max.

may is so lucky i wish that were my job
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Hairy Ballsagna

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #277 on: October 07, 2013, 10:03:03 PM »
I used to be broke.  I pared my diet down to cheesy jalapeno bread which I made from 25 lb bags of flour that my mom bought me at costco, giant bags of cheap jalapenos from the grocery outlet, and I'd splurge on cheese.

 I figured I could pretty much live on it. Cheese has protein, jalapenos could ward off scurvy and flour filled me up. But the problem was that my ass usually bled when I wiped it. I would usually make a loaf or two, eat nothing but those loaves until they were gone, and then eat other stuff for a couple days until I had time for more baking. It took me a while to connect the blood coming out of my asshole with the jalapeno cheesy bread, but I eventually figured it out and shifted to a pasta, tortillas and peanut butter diet.

 I didn't have to work on Fridays, so for some weird reason I volunteered at the food bank at 7 a.m. For some other weird reason I always got really drunk on Thursday nights. At the food bank I'd have to keep taking breaks from sorting cans of food with seniors and chatting with my grey-haired friend Dale about his storage business to take messy shits and then find red on the wiping paper.

I got to take home lots of food after volunteering at the food bank though, so I guess the jalapeno cheesy bread diet became unnecessary. Every once in a while, I'll bleed a little out of my asshole and reminisce about simpler times when my TP regularly came up red.

360 frip

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #278 on: October 09, 2013, 08:52:07 AM »
i have an adorable jack russell terrier named max who licks my butthole clean after every shit



love you, max.

Pics or get out.
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ThugWaffle

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #279 on: October 16, 2013, 07:50:32 PM »
I used to be broke.  I pared my diet down to cheesy jalapeno bread which I made from 25 lb bags of flour that my mom bought me at costco, giant bags of cheap jalapenos from the grocery outlet, and I'd splurge on cheese.

 I figured I could pretty much live on it. Cheese has protein, jalapenos could ward off scurvy and flour filled me up. But the problem was that my ass usually bled when I wiped it. I would usually make a loaf or two, eat nothing but those loaves until they were gone, and then eat other stuff for a couple days until I had time for more baking. It took me a while to connect the blood coming out of my asshole with the jalapeno cheesy bread, but I eventually figured it out and shifted to a pasta, tortillas and peanut butter diet.

 I didn't have to work on Fridays, so for some weird reason I volunteered at the food bank at 7 a.m. For some other weird reason I always got really drunk on Thursday nights. At the food bank I'd have to keep taking breaks from sorting cans of food with seniors and chatting with my grey-haired friend Dale about his storage business to take messy shits and then find red on the wiping paper.

I got to take home lots of food after volunteering at the food bank though, so I guess the jalapeno cheesy bread diet became unnecessary. Every once in a while, I'll bleed a little out of my asshole and reminisce about simpler times when my TP regularly came up red.

Damn, made me appreciate life a bit more.

pencil

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #280 on: October 22, 2013, 12:11:49 PM »
Expand Quote
I used to be broke.  I pared my diet down to cheesy jalapeno bread which I made from 25 lb bags of flour that my mom bought me at costco, giant bags of cheap jalapenos from the grocery outlet, and I'd splurge on cheese.

 I figured I could pretty much live on it. Cheese has protein, jalapenos could ward off scurvy and flour filled me up. But the problem was that my ass usually bled when I wiped it. I would usually make a loaf or two, eat nothing but those loaves until they were gone, and then eat other stuff for a couple days until I had time for more baking. It took me a while to connect the blood coming out of my asshole with the jalapeno cheesy bread, but I eventually figured it out and shifted to a pasta, tortillas and peanut butter diet.

 I didn't have to work on Fridays, so for some weird reason I volunteered at the food bank at 7 a.m. For some other weird reason I always got really drunk on Thursday nights. At the food bank I'd have to keep taking breaks from sorting cans of food with seniors and chatting with my grey-haired friend Dale about his storage business to take messy shits and then find red on the wiping paper.

I got to take home lots of food after volunteering at the food bank though, so I guess the jalapeno cheesy bread diet became unnecessary. Every once in a while, I'll bleed a little out of my asshole and reminisce about simpler times when my TP regularly came up red.
[close]

Damn, made me appreciate life a bit more.

fuck ur life lol
would you rather read an abudabi post or have a screwdriver shoved up your ass?

McGooch

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #281 on: June 21, 2014, 11:13:04 PM »
Let me inform some of you poop noobs of the perfect pinch.

No iphones, tablets or computers during. Gotta clean up while it's fresh.

Alternate between damp and dry using 3-4 sheets clumped (granted you're near a sink) . Always check until you get a clean wipe and usually an additional safety wipe.

Standing up takes more effort and is less effective. Sit, lean forward, hand back around right leg. Go from back to balls. Much more torque and friction.

So how do you fellows go about cleaning in the shower? Do you use a rag or a loofah? Dispose after use or reuse? Plain hand and soap?

SHARPSHOOTER

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #282 on: July 21, 2014, 02:41:08 PM »
Every once in a while, I'll bleed a little out of my asshole and reminisce about simpler times when my TP regularly came up red.
The simpler times.. like Little House on The Prairie

ttching!

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #283 on: July 21, 2014, 04:34:10 PM »
Expand Quote
Every once in a while, I'll bleed a little out of my asshole and reminisce about simpler times when my TP regularly came up red.
[close]
The simpler times.. like Little House on The Prairie

Like little house next door to Chase Gabor.

rim reaper

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #284 on: July 29, 2014, 04:54:26 AM »
Let me inform some of you poop noobs of the perfect pinch.

No iphones, tablets or computers during. Gotta clean up while it's fresh.

Alternate between damp and dry using 3-4 sheets clumped (granted you're near a sink) . Always check until you get a clean wipe and usually an additional safety wipe.

Standing up takes more effort and is less effective. Sit, lean forward, hand back around right leg. Go from back to balls. Much more torque and friction.

So how do you fellows go about cleaning in the shower? Do you use a rag or a loofah? Dispose after use or reuse? Plain hand and soap?

just spit on it like you would on a vagina. thats the essence of being a human

tobey

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #285 on: August 10, 2014, 09:23:26 PM »
i remember when i was a kid i would get done shitting and then sit on the sink and wash my asshole and then dry it. I did this because i would literally wipe for about 3-5 minutes non stop ( i still do) and i hated that

ill_Murray

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #286 on: August 24, 2014, 08:14:24 PM »
i remember when i was a kid i would get done shitting and then sit on the sink and wash my asshole and then dry it. I did this because i would literally wipe for about 3-5 minutes non stop ( i still do) and i hated that


Go getcha wet wipes.  And quit eatin ya boogers Tobey.
ill murray, can you remind me why you think im a kook

tobey

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #287 on: August 24, 2014, 09:55:56 PM »
Expand Quote
i remember when i was a kid i would get done shitting and then sit on the sink and wash my asshole and then dry it. I did this because i would literally wipe for about 3-5 minutes non stop ( i still do) and i hated that
[close]


Go getcha wet wipes.  And quit eatin ya boogers Tobey.

do you think thats the problem? i mean it makes sense i been having to wipe so much since i was a kid and i have been eating my boogers since forever

straight

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #288 on: November 07, 2014, 03:39:44 PM »
Had to shit so bad today at work . I'm in construction so have to use the porter john. I don't know what it is about j jons at job sites but it's like you're back living with barbarians. Fuck. Shit splattered toilet seats. Toilet paper EVERYWHERE. God dammit anyways. So I'm squatting and il out of shape legs twitching trying to hold me up and aiming towards the hole looking through my legs. Breakfast burrito from Taco Bell went right through me. Start shitting like a contemporary painter flinging paint splatter from his brush onto a canvas. Here comes the wiping part- so I'm a sitter. I'm literally sweating at this point with my face in the god damn urinal as I'm dabbing my asshole with tp balls. Everything I don't do during my nofbL shots was performed today . I can't wait to shower and drink away my memories.

Tay

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #289 on: November 24, 2014, 01:56:27 PM »
Go from back to balls. Much more torque and friction.

Men are amazing. This would cause one hell of a yeast infection. Although, I've heard tell of women with girth problems wiping feces into their labia due to excessive insurmountable belly fat, leaving a secret trail which ultimately leads to vaginal candidiasis.  :-\

KING TUT

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #290 on: December 08, 2014, 03:20:01 AM »
I only take aqua turds. Benefits of living on a house boat.

shit_for_brains

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #291 on: December 24, 2014, 06:28:33 PM »
I only take aqua turds. Benefits of living on a house boat.

Like you get in the water and shit? I did that in a river once. It was an incredible feeling.

straight

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #292 on: January 19, 2015, 05:16:08 PM »
Expand Quote
I only take aqua turds. Benefits of living on a house boat.
[close]

Like you get in the water and shit? I did that in a river once. It was an incredible feeling.

I've taken a couple aqua turds in my life. Ocean style. You are correct it is an incredible feeling. Scary part was the salt made it a floater and I was afraid it was gonna hit someone in the face. I was just outside the break with a semi crowded crowded surf bunch

KING TUT

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #293 on: February 01, 2015, 09:48:22 PM »
it does feel quite good ^

 do you know what's amazing and what I miss a lot, those poo hoses they have in south east Asia. My butthole has never felt so clean.

via

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #294 on: February 01, 2015, 10:05:19 PM »
I have a friend that every time we go swimming in a river or lake, he takes a shit, just  cause he loves how it feels.

I've still never done it, I think I'm too private a pooper to go while within eyesight of all my friends.

Nacnud

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #295 on: February 01, 2015, 10:16:38 PM »
I heard a guy once do this water pooing in Fiji, and all these tropical fish munched his poo in a mater of seconds. True story.
" I just shot him, dying was between him and God"  R L Burnside

Noble Experiment

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #296 on: March 15, 2015, 11:56:50 AM »
I used to do it standing up, until I was like in high school. Not sure why, it just felt right. Sometimes you get specs of shit that fall to the ground though if you're wiping after a dry poop.
But now I wipe sitting down. So much easier. You can just drop the paper right in too, less hassle.
I usually don't look at the paper until after a few wipes to ensure total cleanliness.
I find it weird that some people don't look when they wipe, how do you know you're fully clean?

j....soy.....

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #297 on: March 15, 2015, 10:57:47 PM »
You ever sit for so long....you forget to wipe....

poopnutsupreme

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #298 on: March 24, 2015, 03:26:42 AM »
I remember one day, a few years ago, I took a shit at the skatepark and someone asked if I sat down when wiping. I said of course and thought they were just fucking with me. He then went on arguing about shitting with someone else but I just went back to skating and didn't pay attention. Then years later I read this and now I understand what was going on, slap is the best. I want to try wiping while standing but that goes against everything I've ever learned, I don't know how my family would look at me if I switched.
Any dude that hates on roller hockey hasn't played, and likely haven't played a sport in their entire life.

straight

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Re: wiping your butt
« Reply #299 on: March 25, 2015, 05:46:05 PM »
Anyone else smell the toilet paper after you wipe?