Me and my housemate went on a late night wood stealing mission to make a launch ramp.
Well, cause I fucking miss a good old fly off.
There is this car park with an old building site right smack bang in the middle of it, they replaced the wood surrounding it a few weeks back.
(It was an eyesore apparently)
I've got a hammer hanging from inside my jeans, my housemate has a bag with a saw in it.
I tell him it'll be no use, he tells me the hammer won't be. Cool, fine, I'm so right, I wont even argue.
We get there and he's walking around like the German moron he truly is, looking in old bins, tripping over and in doing so knocking piles of metal sheets tumbling from a nearby roof. Again, I'd only be as idiotic as he to shout; "SHUT THE FUCK UP MAN".
It'd be kind of like one of those overplayed moments in a poor comedy where someone goes
"My back, my back", only to answered by someone saying "Is it your back!?"
Anyhow, I find this perfect piece of wood. Its about 6ftX4ft, and its part of the main wall. I take out the hammer and squeeze out the first two nails.
Nice. Almost silent. The bottom two nails are slightly rusted so they make a slight screech.
Bam! Nearly there so I just push it out onto the grassy incline behind without even a rustle of a leaf.
I swing myself over the fence and take his bag with the saw in it.
My friend jumps over and gets caught on a nail sticking from the fence.
"Fuck sake" I think to myself. "I'm never taking this guy on a mission again"
He's hanging there now, waiting for his pants to rip from his very legs, fool.
He makes a leap and miraculously breaks free.
All seems to be going breezy and we pick up the wood and start walking like the pair of seasoned crooks fools we are as I begin to realise just how large this thing really is. We're only 10 meters from where we stole the damned thing and my housemate whispers.
'Stop, stop, stop! That gate was closed when we made our way in here"
"Fuck" We put down the wood and before I can try to reassure him I see a light begin to shine on the bushes in front of us. A car comes around but doesn't come our way though he is directly in front of us.
We flee in the shadow which those perfect wooden walls cast over us.
I hide in a dark corner and my friend keeps running.
I sit and wait, nothing happens, I look around the corner, gates still open, but no car.
I'm expecting the worst possible; paranoia runs high with stress.
Finally we decide that he could be parked around the corner again,
just waiting for us to walk out like the lazy car-driving-security slob he is.
Security who work in an automobile and supermarket security are of the same profession, but are two very different kind of animal.
The 'mall cop' --as most of you Slappians would call him-- is a man on a mission, a true corporate slave, he works: "In the interest of the company" who employs him. He's their little pawn soldier, a low ranking one at that. And he's angry; though he'll never internalize this enough to realise why.
He seeks to stop embarrassed fifteen year olds from stealing condoms, porn mag's.
To stop us College students from stuffing organic rib eye steaks down the front of our pants.
You name it, this guy has seen it. He expects it all.
The guy in the car however, phew. Well he really is an altogether different breed.
He ain't seen nothing in the 2 years I've seen him working there, hell, he's only there to start the security tapes for the night. If he seen us, he probably wouldn't have believed his eyes or known what to do for that matter.
Nonetheless, all this for some wood? No thanks.
I climb into someone's back yard and walk home.
I guess why I'm posting this in the stoked thread is that
1. The wood will still be there tomorrow.
2. If my friend hadn't have caught his jeans on the fence we would have probably walked around the corner perfectly time to walk right in front of the security guards car. Which would have been a much funnier story.
3. 2 didn't happen.
I told him that fuckin' saw was no use.
Topic: things you are stoked on (Read 3063413 times)