I worked with this one girl for like a year or two, and shed always flirt with me. Anyhow I had a girlfriend at the time so it was a no go.
We ended up breaking up so as said co worker flirted, i started flirting back. This lasted probably 2 months or so.
Anyways, one day she asked if i could help move a new tv into her home. So i said yeah, I'd be there about an hour after work.
I show up and shes quite done up and hands me a beer. Then another, and another. At that point I'm like "ok, let's move this tv". So we did.
Then she invites me to the backyard for drinks and i oblige. After a few more drinks, shes sitting besides me as opposed to across from me. And i dont remember exactly how it happened, but next thing you know shes on my lap and using my hands to rub her tits. At this point, I'm like "fuck yeah, I'm down".
We go inside, she invites me into the bedroom. This house is really fuckin nice too. I'm kinda wondering how she offords this shit, but oh well. Off to the bedroom we go.
We are kissing etc and I'm fingering her, shes wet as fuck. She goes over to her dresser and grabs some weird vibrator, goes down on me and put the vibrator on my balls. Not gonna lie, best blowjob ever.
After maybe 10 minutes she asked me to put it in her, of course I do. So we are banging away for awhile and out of knowhere she flips over. Cool, I'll do doggy. Then she hits me with "I cant get pregnant, please put it in my ass". Well, fuck it I'm down. So I grab a lil lube and get busy. After half hour or so and a few position changes, I bust in her. It really was great sex.
Anyhow, we have another drink and she starts making us a small meal. We eat and crash out.
We had a few days off, so the next morning I left after some breakfast.
I go to work 4 days later and through the headsets, one of the crew members asks me how it was to fuck Michelle. I'm totally caught off guard, but I'm thinking they must have seen my vehicle there late and were just busting my balls.
Next thing I know the whole fuckin mill is talking about it which I found odd, but kinda funny.
Well not when I get a pat on the back, turn around and get punched square in the fuckin face. I end up fighting this dood around heavy machinery on a catwalk 4 stories up. He fuckin sucker punched me so I beat the shit out of him.
We both get called to the office over the radio and an ambulance is called for him, cops for me.
Fucking turns out she was married, had 4 kids, the dood that punched me was our head electrician and worked in the same fuckin mill.
Anyhow, I never got charged, he was ok, and everything was ok. But to this day, everytime we cross paths I get a pretty dirty look. And the asshole inside of me thinks "haha, I fucked your wife in the ass". But honestly I feel fuckin horrible about that. I had no clue. Hopefully they worked it out and it didnt effect their children's lives etc.
God damn nightmare scenario
this was a great story and very well told!
i don't have anything that awkward, but i'll chuck one out there. once upon a time though i went on a trip with some friends, i smoked a lot of weed at that point but didn't do any other drugs or even drink alcohol, oh, i'd had acid, whatever...
one of my mates knew a girl where we'd traveled to and he was pretty keen on her so invited her around and she brought like 8 friends and they were all hot albeit trashy kind of girls. i'd been with some ladies at this point but only like girlfriends, i didn't really have the confidence for random hook ups, but weirdly a few of these girls seemed real into me which made me feel all sweet and gooey. they all wanted to go to this party and like i said a bunch of them seemed desperate for me to come with them - i was just gonna stay at the hotel and smoke weed, but they twisted my arm and off we went in a taxi. here's me thinking i'm about to have a foursome or something tonight...
so it turned out to be a bikie party that you couldn't leave once you were in unless you paid the bouncer dudes {free to get in, pay to get out}. i only had my card on me and there was obviously no atm at their clubhouse or whatever the fuck the place was. so anyway, the girls ditch me and the other 2 or 3 guys that went along as soon we get there and are hooking up with these dudes who are already there that seem to want to beat us up now {they're not bikies, just dude}. i really don't understand why the girls took us there, we didn't pay for the taxi, or buy them anything on the way or anything. i guess they were just having fun playing us along or something...i really don't get it.
so yeah, where are we...stuck in the bikie club, can't leave, can't even buy a beer cause it's cash only, there are some very underage looking girls dancing in cages, these dudes that want to beat us up cause their girls took us to the party and it's just all a bit fucked up.
one of my mates it turns out had some cash but instead of bailing us out of there, bought us all speed caps. so as i said, i'd only really smoked a lot of weed at this point and wasn't into partying or drugs really, but i did want to escape the situation so i said sure to these caps. i think i had three, maybe four. i guess i was hoping speed was something like weed hahaha...
thankfully the pace of things got a bit quicker and i didn't feel like i was going to be murdered in this clubhouse thing. i did start getting very chatty with all the bikie dudes, i kept wanting to shake all their hands and thank them for their hospitality, a few of them weren't very into it and kind of did seem to want to kill me, but there'd always be one of them who would acknowledge that i was the only person who was thanking them for the party - i hit one of these receptive guys up to let me out of the party [i forgot about my friends at this point] and he did. then i just ran for a
long time until i happened upon this night club.
i went into the club and drank a lot of water and enjoyed the less threatening atmosphere [only time i've ever been to a nightclub]. i needed to sit down found one of those small round benches, there were already a couple sitting there, but there was an extra chair, so i asked if i could sit there and they said sure. the girl was swedish and the dude was canadian, they were just having a flirt. but my psycho speed charisma must've got the girl excited cause when the dude had to go to the toilet she quickly gave me her number and when he came back we were texting - and i was like, 'do you want to leave with me' or whatever and i guess it wasn't very subtle cause the dude was like "hey man, fuck you" and i was just like "sorry...i don't even know what's going on".
so we left, but we didn't make it very far outside cause this older dude [late 5os] was like, "fuck you've got great tits" to the swedish girl. and i was like "woah dude, settle down" and then he was all like "i could kill you, let me show you" in a real matter of fact way which made me real scared, then his sweet wife popped out from nowhere and was like "calm down dear" and then she invited Ida and i to come and sit with them on this private balcony thing outside the club, so we did. i just chatted with the wife the whole time because she was really calm and nice and very wholesome, which is all i really needed at this weird fucked out speedy point of this bizarre evening. she was really beautiful and had never done drugs so she just really interested in speaking with me about what i was experiencing and how i was feeling. to be honest i kind of fell in love with her and wanted to fuck her, maybe i could've, but maybe her husband would've killed me if i propositioned it. but yeah, so i spoke with the wife and her husband just sort of talked to Ida [just realised i've switched from 'swedish girl' to her name] about how great her tits were and how he could speak swedish [he could say like 3 words]. at some point he overheard where i was from and then asked what school i'd gone to and it turned out i went to highschool with his niece, blah blah blah. he just really wanted to fuck Ida and it was pretty gross, i think his wife and i were both pretty grossed out by him, but yeah, so she eventually helped Ida and I go on our way and stoppped him from following us or bothering us. really wonderful lady that lady.
so i was finally like, let's go to my hotel, and Ida was totally down {not sure what i was doing that was appealing}. we eventually got back there. i woke everybody staying there up. we got to where my bed was at and made out and felt up and got all hot and horny, i went down on her cause i love it and she was SO gorgeous and whatever it was just very hot. then she came to go down on me and i guess it was only then that i realised i wasn't hard at all, and kind of then that i realised that i was on stupid drugs that were fucking with my shit and that i was never going to get hard. then i apologised to her and went to collect her clothes from the foot of the bed for her, not sure how it hadn't already happened, but my bong had been sitting there the whole time and i knocked it over on her clothes. so this beautiful woman had filthy bong water all over her sexy club gear and a fucking mad man with not even a hint of an erection [still very confused that she came to hotel room in the first place or even wanted to hook up with me].
i walked her back down town and apologised about 1,ooo,ooo times. she kept kissing me and telling me it was fine, she seemed really into me... then she disappeared into the night. we never connected again and i spent the rest of the wee hours of the morning in this bar/restaraunt downtown that was obviously closed but there was this sweet old couple in there that were like cleaners. they let me drink HEAPS of water and probably just laughed at me telling them how upset i was about everything that had happened that night.
i didn't sleep for the next like 2/3 days and then had to drive like 5 hours back home.
fuck, this story is kind of not even a sexual experience. hope someone enjoyed it anyway.
TL;DR - just stay home and smoke weed.
Topic: Awkward Sexual Experiences (Read 463225 times)