Author Topic: Awkward Sexual Experiences  (Read 426519 times)

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RoaryMcTwang

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2280 on: July 15, 2021, 06:45:24 PM »
I don't know what it is about ladies in their mid 30s but they seem to be hell bent on going crazy the first time around.

Almost got my dick broken off the other night by some lady. She was on top and not being careful at all. She was trying to go up to the tip and then slam back down. She goes too far (of course), I slip out, she slams back down and she nearly breaks my dick.

It fucking hurt and I was scared I was going to have to go to the hospital.

It doesn't have to slamming into each other as hard as possible to be fun.

Iíve been there, itís definitely safer to be on top

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2281 on: July 15, 2021, 06:59:06 PM »
I don't know what it is about ladies in their mid 30s but they seem to be hell bent on going crazy the first time around.

Almost got my dick broken off the other night by some lady. She was on top and not being careful at all. She was trying to go up to the tip and then slam back down. She goes too far (of course), I slip out, she slams back down and she nearly breaks my dick.

It fucking hurt and I was scared I was going to have to go to the hospital.

It doesn't have to slamming into each other as hard as possible to be fun.

Damn that sounds awful. I really have a heavy distaste for women that go too hard without asking and surprisingly i've encountered it a lot. I say 'surprisingly' because usually it's women that have this complaint about men.

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2282 on: July 15, 2021, 11:12:20 PM »
Around 3 years ago I met a girl off bumble, she was from the US and was teaching Psychology or something in Tokyo. Really hipster looking but kinda cute, I told her I was only looking for something casual and she was cool with it. We ended up meeting in the suburb she lives in (a famous hipster area) for food and drinks.

Night starts off okay, she takes me to a Mexican place and we have like 2 mojitos and some tacos, she talks a lot about relationships, guys, Japanese culture, but I didnít mind cause Iím not much of a talker unless Iím interested in the person/topic.

She invites me back to her place for wine and I accept. Get to her house (really nice apartment) and she has a little puppy, I fucking love dogs so big win. The puppy is going nuts jumping off walls and moving like a dragon ball z character teleporting everywhere, but itís cool I love dogs, I play with him a bit. So after chilling on her sofa and drinking some wine weíre getting cozy and things lead to her bed.

So weíre making out and the dog is in her room going fucking nuts, trying to jump on the bed. I get weirded out, and ask her if I can put the dog in the hallway/kitchen area. She says no, that he has abandonment issues and he wonít be able to jump on the bed. This really weirds me out, but her house her rules, so we progressively do more shit to the point weíre doing it.

This whole time the dog is jumping up and down trying to reach the bed. Low and behold while weíre fucking this dog levels up, and gains that extra 1 inch jump ability to finally make it on the bed, and it goes straight to licking my balls. I fucking freak out, reflexively grab the puppy and throw him off the bed, and I ask her please can we put the puppy in the kitchen. She says no, that he wonít get up on again, that it was chance. But yeah this time the dog knows it can get up, so within a minute or two he jumps up again and goes right for my balls. Again I grab him and throw him off, and this happens like once more until I just stop.

She wanted to cuddle but I tell her I have to leave, I was traumatized, I couldnít look at her puppy while leaving due to pure shame, and I still feel shame for having that happened to me.

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2283 on: July 16, 2021, 12:10:49 AM »
Hahaha! So good, Japan certainly has a knack for attracting the weirdest of the weird ... myself included!

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2284 on: July 16, 2021, 04:00:35 AM »
Expand Quote
I don't know what it is about ladies in their mid 30s but they seem to be hell bent on going crazy the first time around.

Almost got my dick broken off the other night by some lady. She was on top and not being careful at all. She was trying to go up to the tip and then slam back down. She goes too far (of course), I slip out, she slams back down and she nearly breaks my dick.

It fucking hurt and I was scared I was going to have to go to the hospital.

It doesn't have to slamming into each other as hard as possible to be fun.
[close]

Damn that sounds awful. I really have a heavy distaste for women that go too hard without asking and surprisingly i've encountered it a lot. I say 'surprisingly' because usually it's women that have this complaint about men.

yeah same, i'm always surprised how rough most women i met are. i dislike hand and blowjobs and i think it's also due to having horrible experiences with them since 9/10 people suck at them and go way too hard on that johnson or even the balls. one chick seriously flicked my balls once while foreplaying. she said she was unaware that if you flick a certain part of them it hurts all through out your belly and stuff. nah bitch you did that on purpose because you're a sadist, i heard you giggle after i yelled out in pain.

TheLurper

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2285 on: July 16, 2021, 09:44:07 AM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
I don't know what it is about ladies in their mid 30s but they seem to be hell bent on going crazy the first time around.

Almost got my dick broken off the other night by some lady. She was on top and not being careful at all. She was trying to go up to the tip and then slam back down. She goes too far (of course), I slip out, she slams back down and she nearly breaks my dick.

It fucking hurt and I was scared I was going to have to go to the hospital.

It doesn't have to slamming into each other as hard as possible to be fun.
[close]

Damn that sounds awful. I really have a heavy distaste for women that go too hard without asking and surprisingly i've encountered it a lot. I say 'surprisingly' because usually it's women that have this complaint about men.
[close]

yeah same, i'm always surprised how rough most women i met are. i dislike hand and blowjobs and i think it's also due to having horrible experiences with them since 9/10 people suck at them and go way too hard on that johnson or even the balls. one chick seriously flicked my balls once while foreplaying. she said she was unaware that if you flick a certain part of them it hurts all through out your belly and stuff. nah bitch you did that on purpose because you're a sadist, i heard you giggle after i yelled out in pain.

A surprise flick wouldn't be cool at all.

And, yeah, the tug as hard as you can no lube handjob is not enjoyable. I'm surprised at this age it is still a thing. Like in HS of course no one is going to know what they're doing, but by age 30 I feel most women should have some understanding that high powered rug burn hand jobs aren't enjoyable.

@Sila yeah, I've heard so many women complain about being jack hammered, I'm not sure why so many do the same back to us.

Like, what do they think dudes do when they jerk off? Do they imagine us ripping the skin off as we are slamming our fists down our cocks and onto our balls as hard as we can? Like some sort of cartoon caveman?

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jakeumms

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2286 on: July 16, 2021, 01:22:57 PM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
I don't know what it is about ladies in their mid 30s but they seem to be hell bent on going crazy the first time around.

Almost got my dick broken off the other night by some lady. She was on top and not being careful at all. She was trying to go up to the tip and then slam back down. She goes too far (of course), I slip out, she slams back down and she nearly breaks my dick.

It fucking hurt and I was scared I was going to have to go to the hospital.

It doesn't have to slamming into each other as hard as possible to be fun.
[close]

Damn that sounds awful. I really have a heavy distaste for women that go too hard without asking and surprisingly i've encountered it a lot. I say 'surprisingly' because usually it's women that have this complaint about men.
[close]

yeah same, i'm always surprised how rough most women i met are. i dislike hand and blowjobs and i think it's also due to having horrible experiences with them since 9/10 people suck at them and go way too hard on that johnson or even the balls. one chick seriously flicked my balls once while foreplaying. she said she was unaware that if you flick a certain part of them it hurts all through out your belly and stuff. nah bitch you did that on purpose because you're a sadist, i heard you giggle after i yelled out in pain.
[close]

A surprise flick wouldn't be cool at all.

And, yeah, the tug as hard as you can no lube handjob is not enjoyable. I'm surprised at this age it is still a thing. Like in HS of course no one is going to know what they're doing, but by age 30 I feel most women should have some understanding that high powered rug burn hand jobs aren't enjoyable.

@Sila yeah, I've heard so many women complain about being jack hammered, I'm not sure why so many do the same back to us.

Like, what do they think dudes do when they jerk off? Do they imagine us ripping the skin off as we are slamming our fists down our cocks and onto our balls as hard as we can? Like some sort of cartoon caveman?
I feel like mach 11 handies are kinda like talking shit on a hometown or a family member. Only I'm allowed to do it because only I know what I'm doing.

That said, sometimes you're just really happy to be there and overdo it and I think that feeling is genderless.
So preoccupied with whether he could do it for the culture he didnít stop to think whether he should do it for the culture

L33Tg33k

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2287 on: July 16, 2021, 01:30:00 PM »
I always give myself the ol' slow jerk.
Before you say the music sucked, have you considered shutting the fuck up?

RCB3

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2288 on: July 16, 2021, 01:38:23 PM »
When I was dating my current wife, my roommate, who is a great guitar player, made up a song called Sandpaper HJ's. Months later she told me that she was worried that she thought that song was inspired by her for some reason and I told my roomie she was giving me bad HJ's. We still joke about it today. She is in fact a great HJ giver.


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RoaryMcTwang

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2289 on: July 16, 2021, 04:17:06 PM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
I don't know what it is about ladies in their mid 30s but they seem to be hell bent on going crazy the first time around.

Almost got my dick broken off the other night by some lady. She was on top and not being careful at all. She was trying to go up to the tip and then slam back down. She goes too far (of course), I slip out, she slams back down and she nearly breaks my dick.

It fucking hurt and I was scared I was going to have to go to the hospital.

It doesn't have to slamming into each other as hard as possible to be fun.
[close]

Damn that sounds awful. I really have a heavy distaste for women that go too hard without asking and surprisingly i've encountered it a lot. I say 'surprisingly' because usually it's women that have this complaint about men.
[close]

yeah same, i'm always surprised how rough most women i met are. i dislike hand and blowjobs and i think it's also due to having horrible experiences with them since 9/10 people suck at them and go way too hard on that johnson or even the balls. one chick seriously flicked my balls once while foreplaying. she said she was unaware that if you flick a certain part of them it hurts all through out your belly and stuff. nah bitch you did that on purpose because you're a sadist, i heard you giggle after i yelled out in pain.
[close]

A surprise flick wouldn't be cool at all.

And, yeah, the tug as hard as you can no lube handjob is not enjoyable. I'm surprised at this age it is still a thing. Like in HS of course no one is going to know what they're doing, but by age 30 I feel most women should have some understanding that high powered rug burn hand jobs aren't enjoyable.

@Sila yeah, I've heard so many women complain about being jack hammered, I'm not sure why so many do the same back to us.

Like, what do they think dudes do when they jerk off? Do they imagine us ripping the skin off as we are slamming our fists down our cocks and onto our balls as hard as we can? Like some sort of cartoon caveman?

Iím pretty sure the answer to pretty much all of this discussion is ďpornĒ.

mynameisnotjeff

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2290 on: July 16, 2021, 08:30:20 PM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
I don't know what it is about ladies in their mid 30s but they seem to be hell bent on going crazy the first time around.

Almost got my dick broken off the other night by some lady. She was on top and not being careful at all. She was trying to go up to the tip and then slam back down. She goes too far (of course), I slip out, she slams back down and she nearly breaks my dick.

It fucking hurt and I was scared I was going to have to go to the hospital.

It doesn't have to slamming into each other as hard as possible to be fun.
[close]

Damn that sounds awful. I really have a heavy distaste for women that go too hard without asking and surprisingly i've encountered it a lot. I say 'surprisingly' because usually it's women that have this complaint about men.
[close]

yeah same, i'm always surprised how rough most women i met are. i dislike hand and blowjobs and i think it's also due to having horrible experiences with them since 9/10 people suck at them and go way too hard on that johnson or even the balls. one chick seriously flicked my balls once while foreplaying. she said she was unaware that if you flick a certain part of them it hurts all through out your belly and stuff. nah bitch you did that on purpose because you're a sadist, i heard you giggle after i yelled out in pain.

Since weíre all sharing HJ stories.
I was seeing this girl and I was into her and wanted a relationship. She was all over the place and I wasnít sure what she wanted she would occasionally stress me out and a few times it affected my performance. I would get into my head. I have never had an angry HJ until one day she started slamming her hand down and like slamming the bottom of her hands into my sack. I felt it up to my stomach and just made her stop and got dressed. It sucked.
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El Fapinator

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2291 on: August 03, 2021, 10:02:08 AM »
I got one for you guyís, as Iíve been bitching about being sad and lonely.

Iíve been on a Tinder and OKcupid fuck streak. Damn hoes being throwing that pussy at me, itís been nice so far but Iím kinda trying to be a better person and not dishonest with my intentions.


That being said I had this thick hairdresser broad try and wrap me up in a weird Jerry Springer situation, her baby daddy is married to a ridiculously obese woman who sucks, sheís got a 3 year old girl who sheíll pawn off which is fine whatever.

Hereís the clencher so we get to fucking and stuff and sheís in to the kinky shit like tie me up and breed meÖÖ. Creampie me Creampie me and I have to admit itís kinda hot I blow my load and Iím spent so we go for round two a half hour later and her hideous friend wants to join too and mind you the hairdresser gals a Tennessee 7 her friend though not at allÖÖ.

So I make up an excuse and bounce, I wrote this elaborate well thought out idea of hey I donít want to rush anything but Iím not so sure about your living arrangement and Iím not okay with polyamory at all but I wish you the best of luck but you deserve better than me and Iím out.

I get 30+ phones calls and several drive byes of her car and finally I had to tell her to fuck off Iím not trying to get in a situation where itís sketchy at all.
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McBrandt

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2292 on: August 03, 2021, 10:24:11 AM »
I started dating this girl, we were both in our early 30s. One of the first times we got hot and heavy she went HJ berserk on me. I ended up with two rugburn scab patches on my wang. I told her about and she she kind of didn't believe me and didn't want to see the proof, but she told her coworker/friend about it who chided her with "You're in your 30s why are you even doing things like that?"

Kaiju Foster

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2293 on: August 03, 2021, 10:49:55 AM »
I got one for you guyís, as Iíve been bitching about being sad and lonely.

Iíve been on a Tinder and OKcupid fuck streak. Damn hoes being throwing that pussy at me, itís been nice so far but Iím kinda trying to be a better person and not dishonest with my intentions.


That being said I had this thick hairdresser broad try and wrap me up in a weird Jerry Springer situation, her baby daddy is married to a ridiculously obese woman who sucks, sheís got a 3 year old girl who sheíll pawn off which is fine whatever.

Hereís the clencher so we get to fucking and stuff and sheís in to the kinky shit like tie me up and breed meÖÖ. Creampie me Creampie me and I have to admit itís kinda hot I blow my load and Iím spent so we go for round two a half hour later and her hideous friend wants to join too and mind you the hairdresser gals a Tennessee 7 her friend though not at allÖÖ.

So I make up an excuse and bounce, I wrote this elaborate well thought out idea of hey I donít want to rush anything but Iím not so sure about your living arrangement and Iím not okay with polyamory at all but I wish you the best of luck but you deserve better than me and Iím out.

I get 30+ phones calls and several drive byes of her car and finally I had to tell her to fuck off Iím not trying to get in a situation where itís sketchy at all.

Yikes lol Think you dodged a bullet on that one, homie. Cooking up some b.s. excuse and bouncing on sex is always awkward no matter what the circumstances lol Reminded me of a little story of my own to share:

So, in 2019, me and my girlfriend of 5 years broke up. It was a bit of a contentious break up, so I didnít feel too bad about immediately hitting the Tinder not too long after, mainly just out of spite and self reassurance, which are horrible reasons, but I was in a bad headspace. So one of the girls I match with happens to be this super attractive hipster girl that worked at a local record shop I go to often. We make a plan to hang out at her house, chill, eat, whatever. I show up, she puts on a Tears for Fears greatest hits record, and we start messing around. I get to taking her pants off and, holy fucking shit, the most absolute rank, otherworldly stench emerged out of her underwear . It was absolutely sickening; keep in mind, this wasnít just the average stank that occurs while your fucking, or even the smell of hardcore b.o. or crotch sweat. I donít even know how to describe it other than it smelled clinical, like a gynecologist needed to intervene on this one. So I try to keep the momentum up and finish the job, but the smell was just PERMEATING the room. I couldnít keep the olí jim dog up for the life of me, and even gagged a bit while her back was turned. Finally I had to pump the brakes, came up with a crappy story about how I ďjust wasnít readyĒ so soon after breaking up with my girlfriend. Made me feel like total shit, but I was backed into a corner. To her credit, she was super nice about it, made us coffee and we just watched a little T.V. before I left, and am happy to say, we are still friends. Drove home in complete silence with myself. When I finally got in my house, I just started laughing my ass off about the absurdity of the situation that just took place. It was quite an afternoon.

I just chuckle to myself when I hear Tears for Fears now.



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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2294 on: August 03, 2021, 08:49:54 PM »
Expand Quote
I got one for you guyís, as Iíve been bitching about being sad and lonely.

Iíve been on a Tinder and OKcupid fuck streak. Damn hoes being throwing that pussy at me, itís been nice so far but Iím kinda trying to be a better person and not dishonest with my intentions.


That being said I had this thick hairdresser broad try and wrap me up in a weird Jerry Springer situation, her baby daddy is married to a ridiculously obese woman who sucks, sheís got a 3 year old girl who sheíll pawn off which is fine whatever.

Hereís the clencher so we get to fucking and stuff and sheís in to the kinky shit like tie me up and breed meÖÖ. Creampie me Creampie me and I have to admit itís kinda hot I blow my load and Iím spent so we go for round two a half hour later and her hideous friend wants to join too and mind you the hairdresser gals a Tennessee 7 her friend though not at allÖÖ.

So I make up an excuse and bounce, I wrote this elaborate well thought out idea of hey I donít want to rush anything but Iím not so sure about your living arrangement and Iím not okay with polyamory at all but I wish you the best of luck but you deserve better than me and Iím out.

I get 30+ phones calls and several drive byes of her car and finally I had to tell her to fuck off Iím not trying to get in a situation where itís sketchy at all.
[close]

Yikes lol Think you dodged a bullet on that one, homie. Cooking up some b.s. excuse and bouncing on sex is always awkward no matter what the circumstances lol Reminded me of a little story of my own to share:

So, in 2019, me and my girlfriend of 5 years broke up. It was a bit of a contentious break up, so I didnít feel too bad about immediately hitting the Tinder not too long after, mainly just out of spite and self reassurance, which are horrible reasons, but I was in a bad headspace. So one of the girls I match with happens to be this super attractive hipster girl that worked at a local record shop I go to often. We make a plan to hang out at her house, chill, eat, whatever. I show up, she puts on a Tears for Fears greatest hits record, and we start messing around. I get to taking her pants off and, holy fucking shit, the most absolute rank, otherworldly stench emerged out of her underwear . It was absolutely sickening; keep in mind, this wasnít just the average stank that occurs while your fucking, or even the smell of hardcore b.o. or crotch sweat. I donít even know how to describe it other than it smelled clinical, like a gynecologist needed to intervene on this one. So I try to keep the momentum up and finish the job, but the smell was just PERMEATING the room. I couldnít keep the olí jim dog up for the life of me, and even gagged a bit while her back was turned. Finally I had to pump the brakes, came up with a crappy story about how I ďjust wasnít readyĒ so soon after breaking up with my girlfriend. Made me feel like total shit, but I was backed into a corner. To her credit, she was super nice about it, made us coffee and we just watched a little T.V. before I left, and am happy to say, we are still friends. Drove home in complete silence with myself. When I finally got in my house, I just started laughing my ass off about the absurdity of the situation that just took place. It was quite an afternoon.

I just chuckle to myself when I hear Tears for Fears now.
Jesus Murphy thatís awesome, I wouldíve tried to possibly do it in the shower, just saying it couldíve been a little weird but youíd have tagged it and bagged it, just sayingÖ.

On the other hand if it was clinical you probably saved your Jim Dog from getting some unwanted friendsÖÖ

Honestly the hairdresser wasnít too bad looking just I wouldnít want to kick it with her weird fucked up friends, have you ever walked in to a gals house or say a homies house and itís an absolute nightmare of a pig stye?

On top of that a 3 year old is there too? Nah dog Iím not living that bum lifestyle anymore, what kinda examples are you setting for your kid? Not only that but for fucks sake 4 people in a one bedroom apartment? Nah Iím good glad I bounced out of the situation, lol.


I didnít tell her to her face as I know sheíll lose her shit but I wrote a good long concise statement that Iím not ready for a relationship and Iím not trying to be in that polyamory relationship shit.
Dueces Bitch's

Kaiju Foster

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2295 on: August 03, 2021, 10:01:56 PM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
I got one for you guyís, as Iíve been bitching about being sad and lonely.

Iíve been on a Tinder and OKcupid fuck streak. Damn hoes being throwing that pussy at me, itís been nice so far but Iím kinda trying to be a better person and not dishonest with my intentions.


That being said I had this thick hairdresser broad try and wrap me up in a weird Jerry Springer situation, her baby daddy is married to a ridiculously obese woman who sucks, sheís got a 3 year old girl who sheíll pawn off which is fine whatever.

Hereís the clencher so we get to fucking and stuff and sheís in to the kinky shit like tie me up and breed meÖÖ. Creampie me Creampie me and I have to admit itís kinda hot I blow my load and Iím spent so we go for round two a half hour later and her hideous friend wants to join too and mind you the hairdresser gals a Tennessee 7 her friend though not at allÖÖ.

So I make up an excuse and bounce, I wrote this elaborate well thought out idea of hey I donít want to rush anything but Iím not so sure about your living arrangement and Iím not okay with polyamory at all but I wish you the best of luck but you deserve better than me and Iím out.

I get 30+ phones calls and several drive byes of her car and finally I had to tell her to fuck off Iím not trying to get in a situation where itís sketchy at all.
[close]

Yikes lol Think you dodged a bullet on that one, homie. Cooking up some b.s. excuse and bouncing on sex is always awkward no matter what the circumstances lol Reminded me of a little story of my own to share:

So, in 2019, me and my girlfriend of 5 years broke up. It was a bit of a contentious break up, so I didnít feel too bad about immediately hitting the Tinder not too long after, mainly just out of spite and self reassurance, which are horrible reasons, but I was in a bad headspace. So one of the girls I match with happens to be this super attractive hipster girl that worked at a local record shop I go to often. We make a plan to hang out at her house, chill, eat, whatever. I show up, she puts on a Tears for Fears greatest hits record, and we start messing around. I get to taking her pants off and, holy fucking shit, the most absolute rank, otherworldly stench emerged out of her underwear . It was absolutely sickening; keep in mind, this wasnít just the average stank that occurs while your fucking, or even the smell of hardcore b.o. or crotch sweat. I donít even know how to describe it other than it smelled clinical, like a gynecologist needed to intervene on this one. So I try to keep the momentum up and finish the job, but the smell was just PERMEATING the room. I couldnít keep the olí jim dog up for the life of me, and even gagged a bit while her back was turned. Finally I had to pump the brakes, came up with a crappy story about how I ďjust wasnít readyĒ so soon after breaking up with my girlfriend. Made me feel like total shit, but I was backed into a corner. To her credit, she was super nice about it, made us coffee and we just watched a little T.V. before I left, and am happy to say, we are still friends. Drove home in complete silence with myself. When I finally got in my house, I just started laughing my ass off about the absurdity of the situation that just took place. It was quite an afternoon.

I just chuckle to myself when I hear Tears for Fears now.
[close]
Jesus Murphy thatís awesome, I wouldíve tried to possibly do it in the shower, just saying it couldíve been a little weird but youíd have tagged it and bagged it, just sayingÖ.

On the other hand if it was clinical you probably saved your Jim Dog from getting some unwanted friendsÖÖ

Honestly the hairdresser wasnít too bad looking just I wouldnít want to kick it with her weird fucked up friends, have you ever walked in to a gals house or say a homies house and itís an absolute nightmare of a pig stye?

On top of that a 3 year old is there too? Nah dog Iím not living that bum lifestyle anymore, what kinda examples are you setting for your kid? Not only that but for fucks sake 4 people in a one bedroom apartment? Nah Iím good glad I bounced out of the situation, lol.


I didnít tell her to her face as I know sheíll lose her shit but I wrote a good long concise statement that Iím not ready for a relationship and Iím not trying to be in that polyamory relationship shit.

Yeah dude, honestly, Iím glad I didnít get too much done there, the smell was just more than I think anybody could handle, it was hellacious. Whatever was going on, it definitely wasnít your everyday musk, it completely caught me off guard. Shower might have been an option, but I donít know, this really, really didnít seem like something you could just wash off or try to mask. I was really just relieved that I was able to bail pretty easily without making it too weird, though. Super cool chick.

Sounds like you straight up almost walked into a horror movie scenario, man, my hat is off to you. Iíve had some friends in the past who lived in squalor, but they were all like burnout dudes, never cute hairdressers with 3 year olds romping around and weird, grody friends trying to force themselves into a three way. Four people in a one bedroom apartment is just asking for trouble. Iím glad you were able to duck that nut job driving past your house and blowing up your phone all of those times, dude, thatís absolute psycho shit, even after you tried to let her down in a genuine, non confrontational fashion. Some people just canít take a hint, I guess lol

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2296 on: August 04, 2021, 03:06:21 PM »
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I got one for you guyís, as Iíve been bitching about being sad and lonely.

Iíve been on a Tinder and OKcupid fuck streak. Damn hoes being throwing that pussy at me, itís been nice so far but Iím kinda trying to be a better person and not dishonest with my intentions.


That being said I had this thick hairdresser broad try and wrap me up in a weird Jerry Springer situation, her baby daddy is married to a ridiculously obese woman who sucks, sheís got a 3 year old girl who sheíll pawn off which is fine whatever.

Hereís the clencher so we get to fucking and stuff and sheís in to the kinky shit like tie me up and breed meÖÖ. Creampie me Creampie me and I have to admit itís kinda hot I blow my load and Iím spent so we go for round two a half hour later and her hideous friend wants to join too and mind you the hairdresser gals a Tennessee 7 her friend though not at allÖÖ.

So I make up an excuse and bounce, I wrote this elaborate well thought out idea of hey I donít want to rush anything but Iím not so sure about your living arrangement and Iím not okay with polyamory at all but I wish you the best of luck but you deserve better than me and Iím out.

I get 30+ phones calls and several drive byes of her car and finally I had to tell her to fuck off Iím not trying to get in a situation where itís sketchy at all.
[close]

Yikes lol Think you dodged a bullet on that one, homie. Cooking up some b.s. excuse and bouncing on sex is always awkward no matter what the circumstances lol Reminded me of a little story of my own to share:

So, in 2019, me and my girlfriend of 5 years broke up. It was a bit of a contentious break up, so I didnít feel too bad about immediately hitting the Tinder not too long after, mainly just out of spite and self reassurance, which are horrible reasons, but I was in a bad headspace. So one of the girls I match with happens to be this super attractive hipster girl that worked at a local record shop I go to often. We make a plan to hang out at her house, chill, eat, whatever. I show up, she puts on a Tears for Fears greatest hits record, and we start messing around. I get to taking her pants off and, holy fucking shit, the most absolute rank, otherworldly stench emerged out of her underwear . It was absolutely sickening; keep in mind, this wasnít just the average stank that occurs while your fucking, or even the smell of hardcore b.o. or crotch sweat. I donít even know how to describe it other than it smelled clinical, like a gynecologist needed to intervene on this one. So I try to keep the momentum up and finish the job, but the smell was just PERMEATING the room. I couldnít keep the olí jim dog up for the life of me, and even gagged a bit while her back was turned. Finally I had to pump the brakes, came up with a crappy story about how I ďjust wasnít readyĒ so soon after breaking up with my girlfriend. Made me feel like total shit, but I was backed into a corner. To her credit, she was super nice about it, made us coffee and we just watched a little T.V. before I left, and am happy to say, we are still friends. Drove home in complete silence with myself. When I finally got in my house, I just started laughing my ass off about the absurdity of the situation that just took place. It was quite an afternoon.

I just chuckle to myself when I hear Tears for Fears now.
[close]
Jesus Murphy thatís awesome, I wouldíve tried to possibly do it in the shower, just saying it couldíve been a little weird but youíd have tagged it and bagged it, just sayingÖ.

On the other hand if it was clinical you probably saved your Jim Dog from getting some unwanted friendsÖÖ

Honestly the hairdresser wasnít too bad looking just I wouldnít want to kick it with her weird fucked up friends, have you ever walked in to a gals house or say a homies house and itís an absolute nightmare of a pig stye?

On top of that a 3 year old is there too? Nah dog Iím not living that bum lifestyle anymore, what kinda examples are you setting for your kid? Not only that but for fucks sake 4 people in a one bedroom apartment? Nah Iím good glad I bounced out of the situation, lol.


I didnít tell her to her face as I know sheíll lose her shit but I wrote a good long concise statement that Iím not ready for a relationship and Iím not trying to be in that polyamory relationship shit.
[close]

Yeah dude, honestly, Iím glad I didnít get too much done there, the smell was just more than I think anybody could handle, it was hellacious. Whatever was going on, it definitely wasnít your everyday musk, it completely caught me off guard. Shower might have been an option, but I donít know, this really, really didnít seem like something you could just wash off or try to mask. I was really just relieved that I was able to bail pretty easily without making it too weird, though. Super cool chick.

Sounds like you straight up almost walked into a horror movie scenario, man, my hat is off to you. Iíve had some friends in the past who lived in squalor, but they were all like burnout dudes, never cute hairdressers with 3 year olds romping around and weird, grody friends trying to force themselves into a three way. Four people in a one bedroom apartment is just asking for trouble. Iím glad you were able to duck that nut job driving past your house and blowing up your phone all of those times, dude, thatís absolute psycho shit, even after you tried to let her down in a genuine, non confrontational fashion. Some people just canít take a hint, I guess lol
Yeah Iím glad I took care and caution when I broke the news, I donít want any weird feelings or some sketchy people following me.

I wish feelings werenít hurt but sometimes you have to be that person for good or bad as long as your conscious decision is clear and concise.

I donít owe anyone a damn thing especially since Iím not committed or know them that well. If women can ghost a person so can a dude in the nicest way possible.
Dueces Bitch's

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2297 on: September 01, 2021, 05:16:46 PM »
When I was about 12 years old, I was kicking it at my friends house and his older brother says he has some chick cruising over and then says we can hide in the closet when he bones her. We are young, stupid and curious so we are like "sure, this is gonna be awesome!" He then tells us that we don't even have to be quiet because the chick is deaf. So the chick shows up and we take off to go hide in the closet. A few minutes later they come into the room and start doing the deed and because this chick is deaf, she can't hear a thing, not even herself! She starts yelling things like "FAWK ME, FAWK ME!" super loud in that way that deaf people speak. My friend and I can't contain ourselves, we start busting up and laughing so hard and his brother is just trying to nut but can't. He can hear us laughing in the closet and I can hear him laughing too, cause this chick is just so loud and the tone of her voice is just hilarious! Eventually, they finish up and the chick wants to hang around but I can hear the brother trying to make excuses as to why she has to go and gets her to leave. Then he busts into the closet talking all kinds of shit to us... "What the fuck! You guys are assholes, you guys make too much noise!" and stuff like that. I was laughing so hard my gut was sore and I had tears running down my face. My friends brother was trying to be a hard ass but he sees me laughing so hard, he keeps trying to yell at me but just starts laughing and can't stay in tough guy mode.
This dude crushes more ass than a landslide at the Grand Canyon

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2298 on: September 04, 2021, 04:11:49 AM »
When I was about 12 years old, I was kicking it at my friends house and his older brother says he has some chick cruising over and then says we can hide in the closet when he bones her. We are young, stupid and curious so we are like "sure, this is gonna be awesome!" He then tells us that we don't even have to be quiet because the chick is deaf. So the chick shows up and we take off to go hide in the closet. A few minutes later they come into the room and start doing the deed and because this chick is deaf, she can't hear a thing, not even herself! She starts yelling things like "FAWK ME, FAWK ME!" super loud in that way that deaf people speak. My friend and I can't contain ourselves, we start busting up and laughing so hard and his brother is just trying to nut but can't. He can hear us laughing in the closet and I can hear him laughing too, cause this chick is just so loud and the tone of her voice is just hilarious! Eventually, they finish up and the chick wants to hang around but I can hear the brother trying to make excuses as to why she has to go and gets her to leave. Then he busts into the closet talking all kinds of shit to us... "What the fuck! You guys are assholes, you guys make too much noise!" and stuff like that. I was laughing so hard my gut was sore and I had tears running down my face. My friends brother was trying to be a hard ass but he sees me laughing so hard, he keeps trying to yell at me but just starts laughing and can't stay in tough guy mode.

honestly, this sounds like way more traumatic than actually funny.
crazy story tho!

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2299 on: November 24, 2021, 05:53:39 PM »
First time I cranked it was in 6th grade to America Ferrera's tits in lords of dogtown. I watched it in the bathroom on a Playstation Portable with the shower running. The steam from the shower waterlogged the PSP.

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2300 on: November 25, 2021, 03:21:24 AM »
I've had plenty of sex the past two years, but I haven't cum from sex since 2019, and before that I think it was at least a year or two too. I think I can count the amount of times I've cum from sex since 2011 on two hands. I used to be worried it was death grips or too much porn, but I've tried giving up both up for weeks and it's still the same. It used to be weird but now I'm so used to it. Still, I wonder what's up.
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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2301 on: November 25, 2021, 10:59:44 AM »
I've had plenty of sex the past two years, but I haven't cum from sex since 2019, and before that I think it was at least a year or two too. I think I can count the amount of times I've cum from sex since 2011 on two hands. I used to be worried it was death grips or too much porn, but I've tried giving up both up for weeks and it's still the same. It used to be weird but now I'm so used to it. Still, I wonder what's up.

You save up your juice before going into it? Yet still? I guess also really you donít have to ejaculate, unless you want to. You drink water and eat fruit too?

Lately Iíve been shook because itís getting difficult to cum sometimes (but not often ;) lol)

Then again Iím having much more sex with different people

I spank it pretty often so when I find myself in an unexpected sexual experience it can be difficult to hechar mi leche

Also when Iím nervous or really care about who Iím having sex with it can be difficult to CUM.

An awkward thing that happened was someone I was having sex with is looser than normal so itís difficult to cum lol. Like what do I do in that situation. There wasnít enough resistance to squeeze it out of me.  I made her cum a couple of times but myself,lol had to fake it once or twice and would just JO later no biggie.

nothing's been the since same

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2302 on: November 25, 2021, 01:44:51 PM »
This chick threw up all over my junk mid blowie. Pretty terrible

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2303 on: November 25, 2021, 02:32:46 PM »
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I've had plenty of sex the past two years, but I haven't cum from sex since 2019, and before that I think it was at least a year or two too. I think I can count the amount of times I've cum from sex since 2011 on two hands. I used to be worried it was death grips or too much porn, but I've tried giving up both up for weeks and it's still the same. It used to be weird but now I'm so used to it. Still, I wonder what's up.
[close]

You save up your juice before going into it? Yet still? I guess also really you donít have to ejaculate, unless you want to. You drink water and eat fruit too?

Yeah, all that, didn't make a difference only I was more horny. I might give it another go though, it's been a couple of years. Might go a couple days or a week without looking at porn or jacking off, stick with the cardio and water and see how I get on.
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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2304 on: November 25, 2021, 03:15:47 PM »
When I was 20 I got caught eating butt in the front seat of a 1988 Honda Accord by a cop.
Fuck yeah, pants! I'm a big fan of those. Have a few pairs myself.

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2305 on: November 25, 2021, 10:17:22 PM »
When I was 20 I got caught eating butt in the front seat of a 1988 Honda Accord by a cop.
Would gnar, much respek

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2306 on: November 26, 2021, 07:43:08 PM »
When I was 20 I got caught eating butt in the front seat of a 1988 Honda Accord by a cop.

Eating the back, in the front

Now that's just good feng shui, I don't care who you are
I like my women the same way I like my personified cups of coffee...black...strong...and proud.

No puedo hacerlo aplaudir, pero puedo hacer que diga: "°Whoo!"

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2307 on: November 26, 2021, 07:51:59 PM »
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I've had plenty of sex the past two years, but I haven't cum from sex since 2019, and before that I think it was at least a year or two too. I think I can count the amount of times I've cum from sex since 2011 on two hands. I used to be worried it was death grips or too much porn, but I've tried giving up both up for weeks and it's still the same. It used to be weird but now I'm so used to it. Still, I wonder what's up.
[close]

You save up your juice before going into it? Yet still? I guess also really you donít have to ejaculate, unless you want to. You drink water and eat fruit too?
[close]

Yeah, all that, didn't make a difference only I was more horny. I might give it another go though, it's been a couple of years. Might go a couple days or a week without looking at porn or jacking off, stick with the cardio and water and see how I get on.

good luck. even if you don't cUm i wish you pleasurable and satisfying sex.

I recently had someone throw up during oral. they got off me and threw up in a shopping bag they had on the floor. brushed their teeth then back to business. we had a nice dinner of salmon and i bought wine that paired with the meal. i could taste the puke a little but whatever i was still in the mood and we both cAmE

how do you eat butt in a honda accord. i had a 95 accord so maybe the older models had more space. or the door was open and that booty was popped. expliquer s'ilvous plait.

nothing's been the since same

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2308 on: November 26, 2021, 09:05:51 PM »
@jgonzalez i reclined all the way back and removed the headrest (Iím a tall dude) and rested my head on the backseat. She was on her knees in the backseat facing out the back window and she was only like 5í3. Once my head was on the backseat, she startled my head and used my face like a bicycle seat.
Fuck yeah, pants! I'm a big fan of those. Have a few pairs myself.

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2309 on: November 26, 2021, 10:01:39 PM »
@jgonzalez i reclined all the way back and removed the headrest (Iím a tall dude) and rested my head on the backseat. She was on her knees in the backseat facing out the back window and she was only like 5í3. Once my head was on the backseat, she startled my head and used my face like a bicycle seat.

that'lll do it

cheers bud

as an avid cyclist, i find the bicycle simile poignant

nothing's been the since same