Author Topic: Awkward Sexual Experiences  (Read 462360 times)

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Gray Imp Sausage Metal

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2280 on: July 16, 2021, 12:10:49 AM »
Hahaha! So good, Japan certainly has a knack for attracting the weirdest of the weird ... myself included!

Impish sausage is definitely gonna blow up as a euphemism this year

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2281 on: July 16, 2021, 04:00:35 AM »
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I don't know what it is about ladies in their mid 30s but they seem to be hell bent on going crazy the first time around.

Almost got my dick broken off the other night by some lady. She was on top and not being careful at all. She was trying to go up to the tip and then slam back down. She goes too far (of course), I slip out, she slams back down and she nearly breaks my dick.

It fucking hurt and I was scared I was going to have to go to the hospital.

It doesn't have to slamming into each other as hard as possible to be fun.
[close]

Damn that sounds awful. I really have a heavy distaste for women that go too hard without asking and surprisingly i've encountered it a lot. I say 'surprisingly' because usually it's women that have this complaint about men.

yeah same, i'm always surprised how rough most women i met are. i dislike hand and blowjobs and i think it's also due to having horrible experiences with them since 9/10 people suck at them and go way too hard on that johnson or even the balls. one chick seriously flicked my balls once while foreplaying. she said she was unaware that if you flick a certain part of them it hurts all through out your belly and stuff. nah bitch you did that on purpose because you're a sadist, i heard you giggle after i yelled out in pain.

TheLurper

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2282 on: July 16, 2021, 09:44:07 AM »
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I don't know what it is about ladies in their mid 30s but they seem to be hell bent on going crazy the first time around.

Almost got my dick broken off the other night by some lady. She was on top and not being careful at all. She was trying to go up to the tip and then slam back down. She goes too far (of course), I slip out, she slams back down and she nearly breaks my dick.

It fucking hurt and I was scared I was going to have to go to the hospital.

It doesn't have to slamming into each other as hard as possible to be fun.
[close]

Damn that sounds awful. I really have a heavy distaste for women that go too hard without asking and surprisingly i've encountered it a lot. I say 'surprisingly' because usually it's women that have this complaint about men.
[close]

yeah same, i'm always surprised how rough most women i met are. i dislike hand and blowjobs and i think it's also due to having horrible experiences with them since 9/10 people suck at them and go way too hard on that johnson or even the balls. one chick seriously flicked my balls once while foreplaying. she said she was unaware that if you flick a certain part of them it hurts all through out your belly and stuff. nah bitch you did that on purpose because you're a sadist, i heard you giggle after i yelled out in pain.

A surprise flick wouldn't be cool at all.

And, yeah, the tug as hard as you can no lube handjob is not enjoyable. I'm surprised at this age it is still a thing. Like in HS of course no one is going to know what they're doing, but by age 30 I feel most women should have some understanding that high powered rug burn hand jobs aren't enjoyable.

@Sila yeah, I've heard so many women complain about being jack hammered, I'm not sure why so many do the same back to us.

Like, what do they think dudes do when they jerk off? Do they imagine us ripping the skin off as we are slamming our fists down our cocks and onto our balls as hard as we can? Like some sort of cartoon caveman?

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2283 on: July 16, 2021, 01:22:57 PM »
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I don't know what it is about ladies in their mid 30s but they seem to be hell bent on going crazy the first time around.

Almost got my dick broken off the other night by some lady. She was on top and not being careful at all. She was trying to go up to the tip and then slam back down. She goes too far (of course), I slip out, she slams back down and she nearly breaks my dick.

It fucking hurt and I was scared I was going to have to go to the hospital.

It doesn't have to slamming into each other as hard as possible to be fun.
[close]

Damn that sounds awful. I really have a heavy distaste for women that go too hard without asking and surprisingly i've encountered it a lot. I say 'surprisingly' because usually it's women that have this complaint about men.
[close]

yeah same, i'm always surprised how rough most women i met are. i dislike hand and blowjobs and i think it's also due to having horrible experiences with them since 9/10 people suck at them and go way too hard on that johnson or even the balls. one chick seriously flicked my balls once while foreplaying. she said she was unaware that if you flick a certain part of them it hurts all through out your belly and stuff. nah bitch you did that on purpose because you're a sadist, i heard you giggle after i yelled out in pain.
[close]

A surprise flick wouldn't be cool at all.

And, yeah, the tug as hard as you can no lube handjob is not enjoyable. I'm surprised at this age it is still a thing. Like in HS of course no one is going to know what they're doing, but by age 30 I feel most women should have some understanding that high powered rug burn hand jobs aren't enjoyable.

@Sila yeah, I've heard so many women complain about being jack hammered, I'm not sure why so many do the same back to us.

Like, what do they think dudes do when they jerk off? Do they imagine us ripping the skin off as we are slamming our fists down our cocks and onto our balls as hard as we can? Like some sort of cartoon caveman?
I feel like mach 11 handies are kinda like talking shit on a hometown or a family member. Only I'm allowed to do it because only I know what I'm doing.

That said, sometimes you're just really happy to be there and overdo it and I think that feeling is genderless.
them cats are out getting mashed up to jungle, he's out mashing up jungle cats. it's just not gonna work.

L33Tg33k

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2284 on: July 16, 2021, 01:30:00 PM »
I always give myself the ol' slow jerk.
Before you say the music sucked, have you considered shutting the fuck up?

RCB3

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2285 on: July 16, 2021, 01:38:23 PM »
When I was dating my current wife, my roommate, who is a great guitar player, made up a song called Sandpaper HJ's. Months later she told me that she was worried that she thought that song was inspired by her for some reason and I told my roomie she was giving me bad HJ's. We still joke about it today. She is in fact a great HJ giver.


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RoaryMcTwang

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2286 on: July 16, 2021, 04:17:06 PM »
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I don't know what it is about ladies in their mid 30s but they seem to be hell bent on going crazy the first time around.

Almost got my dick broken off the other night by some lady. She was on top and not being careful at all. She was trying to go up to the tip and then slam back down. She goes too far (of course), I slip out, she slams back down and she nearly breaks my dick.

It fucking hurt and I was scared I was going to have to go to the hospital.

It doesn't have to slamming into each other as hard as possible to be fun.
[close]

Damn that sounds awful. I really have a heavy distaste for women that go too hard without asking and surprisingly i've encountered it a lot. I say 'surprisingly' because usually it's women that have this complaint about men.
[close]

yeah same, i'm always surprised how rough most women i met are. i dislike hand and blowjobs and i think it's also due to having horrible experiences with them since 9/10 people suck at them and go way too hard on that johnson or even the balls. one chick seriously flicked my balls once while foreplaying. she said she was unaware that if you flick a certain part of them it hurts all through out your belly and stuff. nah bitch you did that on purpose because you're a sadist, i heard you giggle after i yelled out in pain.
[close]

A surprise flick wouldn't be cool at all.

And, yeah, the tug as hard as you can no lube handjob is not enjoyable. I'm surprised at this age it is still a thing. Like in HS of course no one is going to know what they're doing, but by age 30 I feel most women should have some understanding that high powered rug burn hand jobs aren't enjoyable.

@Sila yeah, I've heard so many women complain about being jack hammered, I'm not sure why so many do the same back to us.

Like, what do they think dudes do when they jerk off? Do they imagine us ripping the skin off as we are slamming our fists down our cocks and onto our balls as hard as we can? Like some sort of cartoon caveman?

I’m pretty sure the answer to pretty much all of this discussion is “porn”.

mynameisnotjeff

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2287 on: July 16, 2021, 08:30:20 PM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
I don't know what it is about ladies in their mid 30s but they seem to be hell bent on going crazy the first time around.

Almost got my dick broken off the other night by some lady. She was on top and not being careful at all. She was trying to go up to the tip and then slam back down. She goes too far (of course), I slip out, she slams back down and she nearly breaks my dick.

It fucking hurt and I was scared I was going to have to go to the hospital.

It doesn't have to slamming into each other as hard as possible to be fun.
[close]

Damn that sounds awful. I really have a heavy distaste for women that go too hard without asking and surprisingly i've encountered it a lot. I say 'surprisingly' because usually it's women that have this complaint about men.
[close]

yeah same, i'm always surprised how rough most women i met are. i dislike hand and blowjobs and i think it's also due to having horrible experiences with them since 9/10 people suck at them and go way too hard on that johnson or even the balls. one chick seriously flicked my balls once while foreplaying. she said she was unaware that if you flick a certain part of them it hurts all through out your belly and stuff. nah bitch you did that on purpose because you're a sadist, i heard you giggle after i yelled out in pain.

Since we’re all sharing HJ stories.
I was seeing this girl and I was into her and wanted a relationship. She was all over the place and I wasn’t sure what she wanted she would occasionally stress me out and a few times it affected my performance. I would get into my head. I have never had an angry HJ until one day she started slamming her hand down and like slamming the bottom of her hands into my sack. I felt it up to my stomach and just made her stop and got dressed. It sucked.
Nothing I do deserves more than an iphone camera.

LordManHammer

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2288 on: August 03, 2021, 10:02:08 AM »
I got one for you guy’s, as I’ve been bitching about being sad and lonely.

I’ve been on a Tinder and OKcupid fuck streak. Damn hoes being throwing that pussy at me, it’s been nice so far but I’m kinda trying to be a better person and not dishonest with my intentions.


That being said I had this thick hairdresser broad try and wrap me up in a weird Jerry Springer situation, her baby daddy is married to a ridiculously obese woman who sucks, she’s got a 3 year old girl who she’ll pawn off which is fine whatever.

Here’s the clencher so we get to fucking and stuff and she’s in to the kinky shit like tie me up and breed me……. Creampie me Creampie me and I have to admit it’s kinda hot I blow my load and I’m spent so we go for round two a half hour later and her hideous friend wants to join too and mind you the hairdresser gals a Tennessee 7 her friend though not at all…….

So I make up an excuse and bounce, I wrote this elaborate well thought out idea of hey I don’t want to rush anything but I’m not so sure about your living arrangement and I’m not okay with polyamory at all but I wish you the best of luck but you deserve better than me and I’m out.

I get 30+ phones calls and several drive byes of her car and finally I had to tell her to fuck off I’m not trying to get in a situation where it’s sketchy at all.
Dueces Bitch's

McBrandt

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2289 on: August 03, 2021, 10:24:11 AM »
I started dating this girl, we were both in our early 30s. One of the first times we got hot and heavy she went HJ berserk on me. I ended up with two rugburn scab patches on my wang. I told her about and she she kind of didn't believe me and didn't want to see the proof, but she told her coworker/friend about it who chided her with "You're in your 30s why are you even doing things like that?"

Kaiju Foster

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2290 on: August 03, 2021, 10:49:55 AM »
I got one for you guy’s, as I’ve been bitching about being sad and lonely.

I’ve been on a Tinder and OKcupid fuck streak. Damn hoes being throwing that pussy at me, it’s been nice so far but I’m kinda trying to be a better person and not dishonest with my intentions.


That being said I had this thick hairdresser broad try and wrap me up in a weird Jerry Springer situation, her baby daddy is married to a ridiculously obese woman who sucks, she’s got a 3 year old girl who she’ll pawn off which is fine whatever.

Here’s the clencher so we get to fucking and stuff and she’s in to the kinky shit like tie me up and breed me……. Creampie me Creampie me and I have to admit it’s kinda hot I blow my load and I’m spent so we go for round two a half hour later and her hideous friend wants to join too and mind you the hairdresser gals a Tennessee 7 her friend though not at all…….

So I make up an excuse and bounce, I wrote this elaborate well thought out idea of hey I don’t want to rush anything but I’m not so sure about your living arrangement and I’m not okay with polyamory at all but I wish you the best of luck but you deserve better than me and I’m out.

I get 30+ phones calls and several drive byes of her car and finally I had to tell her to fuck off I’m not trying to get in a situation where it’s sketchy at all.

Yikes lol Think you dodged a bullet on that one, homie. Cooking up some b.s. excuse and bouncing on sex is always awkward no matter what the circumstances lol Reminded me of a little story of my own to share:

So, in 2019, me and my girlfriend of 5 years broke up. It was a bit of a contentious break up, so I didn’t feel too bad about immediately hitting the Tinder not too long after, mainly just out of spite and self reassurance, which are horrible reasons, but I was in a bad headspace. So one of the girls I match with happens to be this super attractive hipster girl that worked at a local record shop I go to often. We make a plan to hang out at her house, chill, eat, whatever. I show up, she puts on a Tears for Fears greatest hits record, and we start messing around. I get to taking her pants off and, holy fucking shit, the most absolute rank, otherworldly stench emerged out of her underwear . It was absolutely sickening; keep in mind, this wasn’t just the average stank that occurs while your fucking, or even the smell of hardcore b.o. or crotch sweat. I don’t even know how to describe it other than it smelled clinical, like a gynecologist needed to intervene on this one. So I try to keep the momentum up and finish the job, but the smell was just PERMEATING the room. I couldn’t keep the ol’ jim dog up for the life of me, and even gagged a bit while her back was turned. Finally I had to pump the brakes, came up with a crappy story about how I “just wasn’t ready” so soon after breaking up with my girlfriend. Made me feel like total shit, but I was backed into a corner. To her credit, she was super nice about it, made us coffee and we just watched a little T.V. before I left, and am happy to say, we are still friends. Drove home in complete silence with myself. When I finally got in my house, I just started laughing my ass off about the absurdity of the situation that just took place. It was quite an afternoon.

I just chuckle to myself when I hear Tears for Fears now.



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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2291 on: August 03, 2021, 08:49:54 PM »
Expand Quote
I got one for you guy’s, as I’ve been bitching about being sad and lonely.

I’ve been on a Tinder and OKcupid fuck streak. Damn hoes being throwing that pussy at me, it’s been nice so far but I’m kinda trying to be a better person and not dishonest with my intentions.


That being said I had this thick hairdresser broad try and wrap me up in a weird Jerry Springer situation, her baby daddy is married to a ridiculously obese woman who sucks, she’s got a 3 year old girl who she’ll pawn off which is fine whatever.

Here’s the clencher so we get to fucking and stuff and she’s in to the kinky shit like tie me up and breed me……. Creampie me Creampie me and I have to admit it’s kinda hot I blow my load and I’m spent so we go for round two a half hour later and her hideous friend wants to join too and mind you the hairdresser gals a Tennessee 7 her friend though not at all…….

So I make up an excuse and bounce, I wrote this elaborate well thought out idea of hey I don’t want to rush anything but I’m not so sure about your living arrangement and I’m not okay with polyamory at all but I wish you the best of luck but you deserve better than me and I’m out.

I get 30+ phones calls and several drive byes of her car and finally I had to tell her to fuck off I’m not trying to get in a situation where it’s sketchy at all.
[close]

Yikes lol Think you dodged a bullet on that one, homie. Cooking up some b.s. excuse and bouncing on sex is always awkward no matter what the circumstances lol Reminded me of a little story of my own to share:

So, in 2019, me and my girlfriend of 5 years broke up. It was a bit of a contentious break up, so I didn’t feel too bad about immediately hitting the Tinder not too long after, mainly just out of spite and self reassurance, which are horrible reasons, but I was in a bad headspace. So one of the girls I match with happens to be this super attractive hipster girl that worked at a local record shop I go to often. We make a plan to hang out at her house, chill, eat, whatever. I show up, she puts on a Tears for Fears greatest hits record, and we start messing around. I get to taking her pants off and, holy fucking shit, the most absolute rank, otherworldly stench emerged out of her underwear . It was absolutely sickening; keep in mind, this wasn’t just the average stank that occurs while your fucking, or even the smell of hardcore b.o. or crotch sweat. I don’t even know how to describe it other than it smelled clinical, like a gynecologist needed to intervene on this one. So I try to keep the momentum up and finish the job, but the smell was just PERMEATING the room. I couldn’t keep the ol’ jim dog up for the life of me, and even gagged a bit while her back was turned. Finally I had to pump the brakes, came up with a crappy story about how I “just wasn’t ready” so soon after breaking up with my girlfriend. Made me feel like total shit, but I was backed into a corner. To her credit, she was super nice about it, made us coffee and we just watched a little T.V. before I left, and am happy to say, we are still friends. Drove home in complete silence with myself. When I finally got in my house, I just started laughing my ass off about the absurdity of the situation that just took place. It was quite an afternoon.

I just chuckle to myself when I hear Tears for Fears now.
Jesus Murphy that’s awesome, I would’ve tried to possibly do it in the shower, just saying it could’ve been a little weird but you’d have tagged it and bagged it, just saying….

On the other hand if it was clinical you probably saved your Jim Dog from getting some unwanted friends……

Honestly the hairdresser wasn’t too bad looking just I wouldn’t want to kick it with her weird fucked up friends, have you ever walked in to a gals house or say a homies house and it’s an absolute nightmare of a pig stye?

On top of that a 3 year old is there too? Nah dog I’m not living that bum lifestyle anymore, what kinda examples are you setting for your kid? Not only that but for fucks sake 4 people in a one bedroom apartment? Nah I’m good glad I bounced out of the situation, lol.


I didn’t tell her to her face as I know she’ll lose her shit but I wrote a good long concise statement that I’m not ready for a relationship and I’m not trying to be in that polyamory relationship shit.
Dueces Bitch's

Kaiju Foster

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2292 on: August 03, 2021, 10:01:56 PM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
I got one for you guy’s, as I’ve been bitching about being sad and lonely.

I’ve been on a Tinder and OKcupid fuck streak. Damn hoes being throwing that pussy at me, it’s been nice so far but I’m kinda trying to be a better person and not dishonest with my intentions.


That being said I had this thick hairdresser broad try and wrap me up in a weird Jerry Springer situation, her baby daddy is married to a ridiculously obese woman who sucks, she’s got a 3 year old girl who she’ll pawn off which is fine whatever.

Here’s the clencher so we get to fucking and stuff and she’s in to the kinky shit like tie me up and breed me……. Creampie me Creampie me and I have to admit it’s kinda hot I blow my load and I’m spent so we go for round two a half hour later and her hideous friend wants to join too and mind you the hairdresser gals a Tennessee 7 her friend though not at all…….

So I make up an excuse and bounce, I wrote this elaborate well thought out idea of hey I don’t want to rush anything but I’m not so sure about your living arrangement and I’m not okay with polyamory at all but I wish you the best of luck but you deserve better than me and I’m out.

I get 30+ phones calls and several drive byes of her car and finally I had to tell her to fuck off I’m not trying to get in a situation where it’s sketchy at all.
[close]

Yikes lol Think you dodged a bullet on that one, homie. Cooking up some b.s. excuse and bouncing on sex is always awkward no matter what the circumstances lol Reminded me of a little story of my own to share:

So, in 2019, me and my girlfriend of 5 years broke up. It was a bit of a contentious break up, so I didn’t feel too bad about immediately hitting the Tinder not too long after, mainly just out of spite and self reassurance, which are horrible reasons, but I was in a bad headspace. So one of the girls I match with happens to be this super attractive hipster girl that worked at a local record shop I go to often. We make a plan to hang out at her house, chill, eat, whatever. I show up, she puts on a Tears for Fears greatest hits record, and we start messing around. I get to taking her pants off and, holy fucking shit, the most absolute rank, otherworldly stench emerged out of her underwear . It was absolutely sickening; keep in mind, this wasn’t just the average stank that occurs while your fucking, or even the smell of hardcore b.o. or crotch sweat. I don’t even know how to describe it other than it smelled clinical, like a gynecologist needed to intervene on this one. So I try to keep the momentum up and finish the job, but the smell was just PERMEATING the room. I couldn’t keep the ol’ jim dog up for the life of me, and even gagged a bit while her back was turned. Finally I had to pump the brakes, came up with a crappy story about how I “just wasn’t ready” so soon after breaking up with my girlfriend. Made me feel like total shit, but I was backed into a corner. To her credit, she was super nice about it, made us coffee and we just watched a little T.V. before I left, and am happy to say, we are still friends. Drove home in complete silence with myself. When I finally got in my house, I just started laughing my ass off about the absurdity of the situation that just took place. It was quite an afternoon.

I just chuckle to myself when I hear Tears for Fears now.
[close]
Jesus Murphy that’s awesome, I would’ve tried to possibly do it in the shower, just saying it could’ve been a little weird but you’d have tagged it and bagged it, just saying….

On the other hand if it was clinical you probably saved your Jim Dog from getting some unwanted friends……

Honestly the hairdresser wasn’t too bad looking just I wouldn’t want to kick it with her weird fucked up friends, have you ever walked in to a gals house or say a homies house and it’s an absolute nightmare of a pig stye?

On top of that a 3 year old is there too? Nah dog I’m not living that bum lifestyle anymore, what kinda examples are you setting for your kid? Not only that but for fucks sake 4 people in a one bedroom apartment? Nah I’m good glad I bounced out of the situation, lol.


I didn’t tell her to her face as I know she’ll lose her shit but I wrote a good long concise statement that I’m not ready for a relationship and I’m not trying to be in that polyamory relationship shit.

Yeah dude, honestly, I’m glad I didn’t get too much done there, the smell was just more than I think anybody could handle, it was hellacious. Whatever was going on, it definitely wasn’t your everyday musk, it completely caught me off guard. Shower might have been an option, but I don’t know, this really, really didn’t seem like something you could just wash off or try to mask. I was really just relieved that I was able to bail pretty easily without making it too weird, though. Super cool chick.

Sounds like you straight up almost walked into a horror movie scenario, man, my hat is off to you. I’ve had some friends in the past who lived in squalor, but they were all like burnout dudes, never cute hairdressers with 3 year olds romping around and weird, grody friends trying to force themselves into a three way. Four people in a one bedroom apartment is just asking for trouble. I’m glad you were able to duck that nut job driving past your house and blowing up your phone all of those times, dude, that’s absolute psycho shit, even after you tried to let her down in a genuine, non confrontational fashion. Some people just can’t take a hint, I guess lol

LordManHammer

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2293 on: August 04, 2021, 03:06:21 PM »
Expand Quote
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I got one for you guy’s, as I’ve been bitching about being sad and lonely.

I’ve been on a Tinder and OKcupid fuck streak. Damn hoes being throwing that pussy at me, it’s been nice so far but I’m kinda trying to be a better person and not dishonest with my intentions.


That being said I had this thick hairdresser broad try and wrap me up in a weird Jerry Springer situation, her baby daddy is married to a ridiculously obese woman who sucks, she’s got a 3 year old girl who she’ll pawn off which is fine whatever.

Here’s the clencher so we get to fucking and stuff and she’s in to the kinky shit like tie me up and breed me……. Creampie me Creampie me and I have to admit it’s kinda hot I blow my load and I’m spent so we go for round two a half hour later and her hideous friend wants to join too and mind you the hairdresser gals a Tennessee 7 her friend though not at all…….

So I make up an excuse and bounce, I wrote this elaborate well thought out idea of hey I don’t want to rush anything but I’m not so sure about your living arrangement and I’m not okay with polyamory at all but I wish you the best of luck but you deserve better than me and I’m out.

I get 30+ phones calls and several drive byes of her car and finally I had to tell her to fuck off I’m not trying to get in a situation where it’s sketchy at all.
[close]

Yikes lol Think you dodged a bullet on that one, homie. Cooking up some b.s. excuse and bouncing on sex is always awkward no matter what the circumstances lol Reminded me of a little story of my own to share:

So, in 2019, me and my girlfriend of 5 years broke up. It was a bit of a contentious break up, so I didn’t feel too bad about immediately hitting the Tinder not too long after, mainly just out of spite and self reassurance, which are horrible reasons, but I was in a bad headspace. So one of the girls I match with happens to be this super attractive hipster girl that worked at a local record shop I go to often. We make a plan to hang out at her house, chill, eat, whatever. I show up, she puts on a Tears for Fears greatest hits record, and we start messing around. I get to taking her pants off and, holy fucking shit, the most absolute rank, otherworldly stench emerged out of her underwear . It was absolutely sickening; keep in mind, this wasn’t just the average stank that occurs while your fucking, or even the smell of hardcore b.o. or crotch sweat. I don’t even know how to describe it other than it smelled clinical, like a gynecologist needed to intervene on this one. So I try to keep the momentum up and finish the job, but the smell was just PERMEATING the room. I couldn’t keep the ol’ jim dog up for the life of me, and even gagged a bit while her back was turned. Finally I had to pump the brakes, came up with a crappy story about how I “just wasn’t ready” so soon after breaking up with my girlfriend. Made me feel like total shit, but I was backed into a corner. To her credit, she was super nice about it, made us coffee and we just watched a little T.V. before I left, and am happy to say, we are still friends. Drove home in complete silence with myself. When I finally got in my house, I just started laughing my ass off about the absurdity of the situation that just took place. It was quite an afternoon.

I just chuckle to myself when I hear Tears for Fears now.
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Jesus Murphy that’s awesome, I would’ve tried to possibly do it in the shower, just saying it could’ve been a little weird but you’d have tagged it and bagged it, just saying….

On the other hand if it was clinical you probably saved your Jim Dog from getting some unwanted friends……

Honestly the hairdresser wasn’t too bad looking just I wouldn’t want to kick it with her weird fucked up friends, have you ever walked in to a gals house or say a homies house and it’s an absolute nightmare of a pig stye?

On top of that a 3 year old is there too? Nah dog I’m not living that bum lifestyle anymore, what kinda examples are you setting for your kid? Not only that but for fucks sake 4 people in a one bedroom apartment? Nah I’m good glad I bounced out of the situation, lol.


I didn’t tell her to her face as I know she’ll lose her shit but I wrote a good long concise statement that I’m not ready for a relationship and I’m not trying to be in that polyamory relationship shit.
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Yeah dude, honestly, I’m glad I didn’t get too much done there, the smell was just more than I think anybody could handle, it was hellacious. Whatever was going on, it definitely wasn’t your everyday musk, it completely caught me off guard. Shower might have been an option, but I don’t know, this really, really didn’t seem like something you could just wash off or try to mask. I was really just relieved that I was able to bail pretty easily without making it too weird, though. Super cool chick.

Sounds like you straight up almost walked into a horror movie scenario, man, my hat is off to you. I’ve had some friends in the past who lived in squalor, but they were all like burnout dudes, never cute hairdressers with 3 year olds romping around and weird, grody friends trying to force themselves into a three way. Four people in a one bedroom apartment is just asking for trouble. I’m glad you were able to duck that nut job driving past your house and blowing up your phone all of those times, dude, that’s absolute psycho shit, even after you tried to let her down in a genuine, non confrontational fashion. Some people just can’t take a hint, I guess lol
Yeah I’m glad I took care and caution when I broke the news, I don’t want any weird feelings or some sketchy people following me.

I wish feelings weren’t hurt but sometimes you have to be that person for good or bad as long as your conscious decision is clear and concise.

I don’t owe anyone a damn thing especially since I’m not committed or know them that well. If women can ghost a person so can a dude in the nicest way possible.
Dueces Bitch's

Crusty Grundle

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2294 on: September 01, 2021, 05:16:46 PM »
When I was about 12 years old, I was kicking it at my friends house and his older brother says he has some chick cruising over and then says we can hide in the closet when he bones her. We are young, stupid and curious so we are like "sure, this is gonna be awesome!" He then tells us that we don't even have to be quiet because the chick is deaf. So the chick shows up and we take off to go hide in the closet. A few minutes later they come into the room and start doing the deed and because this chick is deaf, she can't hear a thing, not even herself! She starts yelling things like "FAWK ME, FAWK ME!" super loud in that way that deaf people speak. My friend and I can't contain ourselves, we start busting up and laughing so hard and his brother is just trying to nut but can't. He can hear us laughing in the closet and I can hear him laughing too, cause this chick is just so loud and the tone of her voice is just hilarious! Eventually, they finish up and the chick wants to hang around but I can hear the brother trying to make excuses as to why she has to go and gets her to leave. Then he busts into the closet talking all kinds of shit to us... "What the fuck! You guys are assholes, you guys make too much noise!" and stuff like that. I was laughing so hard my gut was sore and I had tears running down my face. My friends brother was trying to be a hard ass but he sees me laughing so hard, he keeps trying to yell at me but just starts laughing and can't stay in tough guy mode.

BieberStance

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2295 on: September 04, 2021, 04:11:49 AM »
When I was about 12 years old, I was kicking it at my friends house and his older brother says he has some chick cruising over and then says we can hide in the closet when he bones her. We are young, stupid and curious so we are like "sure, this is gonna be awesome!" He then tells us that we don't even have to be quiet because the chick is deaf. So the chick shows up and we take off to go hide in the closet. A few minutes later they come into the room and start doing the deed and because this chick is deaf, she can't hear a thing, not even herself! She starts yelling things like "FAWK ME, FAWK ME!" super loud in that way that deaf people speak. My friend and I can't contain ourselves, we start busting up and laughing so hard and his brother is just trying to nut but can't. He can hear us laughing in the closet and I can hear him laughing too, cause this chick is just so loud and the tone of her voice is just hilarious! Eventually, they finish up and the chick wants to hang around but I can hear the brother trying to make excuses as to why she has to go and gets her to leave. Then he busts into the closet talking all kinds of shit to us... "What the fuck! You guys are assholes, you guys make too much noise!" and stuff like that. I was laughing so hard my gut was sore and I had tears running down my face. My friends brother was trying to be a hard ass but he sees me laughing so hard, he keeps trying to yell at me but just starts laughing and can't stay in tough guy mode.

honestly, this sounds like way more traumatic than actually funny.
crazy story tho!

Silky Johnson

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2296 on: November 24, 2021, 05:53:39 PM »
First time I cranked it was in 6th grade to America Ferrera's tits in lords of dogtown. I watched it in the bathroom on a Playstation Portable with the shower running. The steam from the shower waterlogged the PSP.

Grind King Rims

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2297 on: November 25, 2021, 03:21:24 AM »
I've had plenty of sex the past two years, but I haven't cum from sex since 2019, and before that I think it was at least a year or two too. I think I can count the amount of times I've cum from sex since 2011 on two hands. I used to be worried it was death grips or too much porn, but I've tried giving up both up for weeks and it's still the same. It used to be weird but now I'm so used to it. Still, I wonder what's up.

jgonzalez

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2298 on: November 25, 2021, 10:59:44 AM »
I've had plenty of sex the past two years, but I haven't cum from sex since 2019, and before that I think it was at least a year or two too. I think I can count the amount of times I've cum from sex since 2011 on two hands. I used to be worried it was death grips or too much porn, but I've tried giving up both up for weeks and it's still the same. It used to be weird but now I'm so used to it. Still, I wonder what's up.

You save up your juice before going into it? Yet still? I guess also really you don’t have to ejaculate, unless you want to. You drink water and eat fruit too?

Lately I’ve been shook because it’s getting difficult to cum sometimes (but not often ;) lol)

Then again I’m having much more sex with different people

I spank it pretty often so when I find myself in an unexpected sexual experience it can be difficult to hechar mi leche

Also when I’m nervous or really care about who I’m having sex with it can be difficult to CUM.

An awkward thing that happened was someone I was having sex with is looser than normal so it’s difficult to cum lol. Like what do I do in that situation. There wasn’t enough resistance to squeeze it out of me.  I made her cum a couple of times but myself,lol had to fake it once or twice and would just JO later no biggie.

nothing's been the since same

HeavyAndExpensive

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2299 on: November 25, 2021, 01:44:51 PM »
This chick threw up all over my junk mid blowie. Pretty terrible

Grind King Rims

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2300 on: November 25, 2021, 02:32:46 PM »
Expand Quote
I've had plenty of sex the past two years, but I haven't cum from sex since 2019, and before that I think it was at least a year or two too. I think I can count the amount of times I've cum from sex since 2011 on two hands. I used to be worried it was death grips or too much porn, but I've tried giving up both up for weeks and it's still the same. It used to be weird but now I'm so used to it. Still, I wonder what's up.
[close]

You save up your juice before going into it? Yet still? I guess also really you don’t have to ejaculate, unless you want to. You drink water and eat fruit too?

Yeah, all that, didn't make a difference only I was more horny. I might give it another go though, it's been a couple of years. Might go a couple days or a week without looking at porn or jacking off, stick with the cardio and water and see how I get on.

Freelancevagrant

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2301 on: November 25, 2021, 03:15:47 PM »
When I was 20 I got caught eating butt in the front seat of a 1988 Honda Accord by a cop.
Well I have like 9 Andy Anderson dated flight decks.

nevrwasben

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2302 on: November 25, 2021, 10:17:22 PM »
When I was 20 I got caught eating butt in the front seat of a 1988 Honda Accord by a cop.
Would gnar, much respek

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2303 on: November 26, 2021, 07:43:08 PM »
When I was 20 I got caught eating butt in the front seat of a 1988 Honda Accord by a cop.

Eating the back, in the front

Now that's just good feng shui, I don't care who you are
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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2304 on: November 26, 2021, 07:51:59 PM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
I've had plenty of sex the past two years, but I haven't cum from sex since 2019, and before that I think it was at least a year or two too. I think I can count the amount of times I've cum from sex since 2011 on two hands. I used to be worried it was death grips or too much porn, but I've tried giving up both up for weeks and it's still the same. It used to be weird but now I'm so used to it. Still, I wonder what's up.
[close]

You save up your juice before going into it? Yet still? I guess also really you don’t have to ejaculate, unless you want to. You drink water and eat fruit too?
[close]

Yeah, all that, didn't make a difference only I was more horny. I might give it another go though, it's been a couple of years. Might go a couple days or a week without looking at porn or jacking off, stick with the cardio and water and see how I get on.

good luck. even if you don't cUm i wish you pleasurable and satisfying sex.

I recently had someone throw up during oral. they got off me and threw up in a shopping bag they had on the floor. brushed their teeth then back to business. we had a nice dinner of salmon and i bought wine that paired with the meal. i could taste the puke a little but whatever i was still in the mood and we both cAmE

how do you eat butt in a honda accord. i had a 95 accord so maybe the older models had more space. or the door was open and that booty was popped. expliquer s'ilvous plait.

nothing's been the since same

Freelancevagrant

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2305 on: November 26, 2021, 09:05:51 PM »
@jgonzalez i reclined all the way back and removed the headrest (I’m a tall dude) and rested my head on the backseat. She was on her knees in the backseat facing out the back window and she was only like 5’3. Once my head was on the backseat, she startled my head and used my face like a bicycle seat.
Well I have like 9 Andy Anderson dated flight decks.

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2306 on: November 26, 2021, 10:01:39 PM »
@jgonzalez i reclined all the way back and removed the headrest (I’m a tall dude) and rested my head on the backseat. She was on her knees in the backseat facing out the back window and she was only like 5’3. Once my head was on the backseat, she startled my head and used my face like a bicycle seat.

that'lll do it

cheers bud

as an avid cyclist, i find the bicycle simile poignant

nothing's been the since same

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2307 on: November 27, 2021, 06:03:35 AM »
@Freelancevagrant gnar-ing you for that one buddy!!!

Impish sausage is definitely gonna blow up as a euphemism this year

cky enthusiast

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2308 on: November 27, 2021, 07:07:28 AM »
i’ve never had an awkward sexual experience, only weird ones that i powered through channeling the spirit of g g allin himself

Freelancevagrant

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2309 on: November 27, 2021, 07:30:39 AM »
@jgonzalez @Gray Imp Sausage Metal

Not even gonna lie, I thought I might get million dollar baby’d because home girl was dragging a wagon.

Thankfully, I got a warning from the cop. I told him “I got back from deployment 3 months ago and I’m leaving again in 2 days” which was the truth, and we bounced. We ended up going to my parents house and picked up where we’d left of.

I’ve got a few more I can think of if they’re of interest to anyone. This thread is super funny to me.
Well I have like 9 Andy Anderson dated flight decks.