Author Topic: Awkward Sexual Experiences  (Read 462399 times)

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Prinzy

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2310 on: November 27, 2021, 09:24:18 AM »
Was having sex in a hammock once and somehow accidentally nutted into my hoodie pocket


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Grind King Rims

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2311 on: November 27, 2021, 10:15:40 AM »
Was having sex in a hammock once and somehow accidentally nutted into my hoodie pocket

Sex in swings is so much fun. Super underrated tbh.

DaleSr

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2312 on: November 27, 2021, 01:45:21 PM »

HeavyAndExpensive

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2313 on: November 27, 2021, 01:51:07 PM »


Found your truck
@Freelancevagrant

LMAO who does that. It’s like having the shocker hand bumper sticker, my buddies and I always joke about that stupid fucking sticker. I once saw a car with temp plates that CLEARLY hand the outline of the shocker bumper sticker, like dude bought a new car, and the first god damn thing he did was rip that stupid fucking hand off.

Freelancevagrant

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2314 on: November 27, 2021, 02:11:13 PM »
Well I have like 9 Andy Anderson dated flight decks.

Prinzy

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2315 on: November 27, 2021, 03:56:45 PM »


spongebob is lit and if i see any spongebob slander i'm pulling up to your house and beating your ass

Grind King Rims

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2316 on: November 27, 2021, 04:05:05 PM »
Had someone over the other night, had really great (and really sweaty) sex, changed the bed sheets because they were soaking wet, ordered some pizza, scrolling through netflix lounging around, then started going at it again, so a couple minutes later when I got a knock on my bedroom door from my housemate to give me our pizza it was a bit of a surprise.

Dr-Feelgood

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2317 on: November 27, 2021, 07:29:03 PM »
Had someone over the other night, had really great (and really sweaty) sex, changed the bed sheets because they were soaking wet, ordered some pizza, scrolling through netflix lounging around, then started going at it again, so a couple minutes later when I got a knock on my bedroom door from my housemate to give me our pizza it was a bit of a surprise.

your room mate was probably listening at your door pulling his small pepperoni while holding your large pepperoni pizza


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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2318 on: November 27, 2021, 10:40:05 PM »
Expand Quote
Had someone over the other night, had really great (and really sweaty) sex, changed the bed sheets because they were soaking wet, ordered some pizza, scrolling through netflix lounging around, then started going at it again, so a couple minutes later when I got a knock on my bedroom door from my housemate to give me our pizza it was a bit of a surprise.
[close]

your room mate was probably listening at your door pulling his small pepperoni while holding your large pepperoni pizza
Bet that shit was a stuff crust afterwards

Damn I left my bubbler at my parents house

Freelancevagrant

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2319 on: November 29, 2021, 05:47:03 AM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Had someone over the other night, had really great (and really sweaty) sex, changed the bed sheets because they were soaking wet, ordered some pizza, scrolling through netflix lounging around, then started going at it again, so a couple minutes later when I got a knock on my bedroom door from my housemate to give me our pizza it was a bit of a surprise.
[close]

your room mate was probably listening at your door pulling his small pepperoni while holding your large pepperoni pizza
[close]
Bet that shit was a stuff crust afterwards

I saw a documentary involving a big sausage pizza, weirdly along similar lines.
Well I have like 9 Andy Anderson dated flight decks.

Francis Xavier

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2320 on: November 29, 2021, 06:41:33 AM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Had someone over the other night, had really great (and really sweaty) sex, changed the bed sheets because they were soaking wet, ordered some pizza, scrolling through netflix lounging around, then started going at it again, so a couple minutes later when I got a knock on my bedroom door from my housemate to give me our pizza it was a bit of a surprise.
[close]

your room mate was probably listening at your door pulling his small pepperoni while holding your large pepperoni pizza
[close]
Bet that shit was a stuff crust afterwards
[close]

I saw a documentary involving a big sausage pizza, weirdly along similar lines.
That's what you call porn huh, interesting

Damn I left my bubbler at my parents house

Krooked antihero

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2321 on: November 29, 2021, 06:57:06 AM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Had someone over the other night, had really great (and really sweaty) sex, changed the bed sheets because they were soaking wet, ordered some pizza, scrolling through netflix lounging around, then started going at it again, so a couple minutes later when I got a knock on my bedroom door from my housemate to give me our pizza it was a bit of a surprise.
[close]

your room mate was probably listening at your door pulling his small pepperoni while holding your large pepperoni pizza
[close]
Bet that shit was a stuff crust afterwards
[close]

I saw a documentary involving a big sausage pizza, weirdly along similar lines.
;D
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brycickle

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2322 on: November 29, 2021, 10:44:09 PM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Had someone over the other night, had really great (and really sweaty) sex, changed the bed sheets because they were soaking wet, ordered some pizza, scrolling through netflix lounging around, then started going at it again, so a couple minutes later when I got a knock on my bedroom door from my housemate to give me our pizza it was a bit of a surprise.
[close]

your room mate was probably listening at your door pulling his small pepperoni while holding your large pepperoni pizza
[close]
Bet that shit was a stuff crust afterwards
[close]

I saw a documentary involving a big sausage pizza, weirdly along similar lines.
Starring Karl Hungus no doubt.

 You and the D00D have turned this thread into a horrible head-on-collision between a short bus full of regular kids and a van full of paraplegics.



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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2323 on: November 30, 2021, 09:41:42 AM »
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Expand Quote
Had someone over the other night, had really great (and really sweaty) sex, changed the bed sheets because they were soaking wet, ordered some pizza, scrolling through netflix lounging around, then started going at it again, so a couple minutes later when I got a knock on my bedroom door from my housemate to give me our pizza it was a bit of a surprise.
[close]

your room mate was probably listening at your door pulling his small pepperoni while holding your large pepperoni pizza
[close]
Bet that shit was a stuff crust afterwards
[close]

I saw a documentary involving a big sausage pizza, weirdly along similar lines.
[close]
Starring Karl Hungus no doubt.

How're you gonna keep em down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus?
yo mike mo new age ape style high five with my reborn hand.

 2008 psychedelic experience. thanks.

Jebediah

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2324 on: December 04, 2021, 06:53:05 PM »
I met a girl off some random dating site years back, we talked a bit and then met up for dinner. She was cute, shy, a lil chunk and I invited her over to mine.

We watched whatever on TV and eventually got close, I remember she seemed to be very inexperienced kissing although she had the spirit. After we hooked up up she was shaking like crazy, I think I may have been her first.

We ended up hanging out a second time, during the day. She came over all prettied up and I showed her a video game I had been playing. We hooked up again, and I bent her over for the first and last time to discover her ass was hairier than mine. I'm talking wooly mammoth looking cheeks. I finished the job and went celibate for a while.

Jebediah

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2325 on: December 04, 2021, 06:53:44 PM »
One time I fucked a bagel

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2326 on: December 04, 2021, 07:30:28 PM »
I met a girl off some random dating site years back, we talked a bit and then met up for dinner. She was cute, shy, a lil chunk and I invited her over to mine.

We watched whatever on TV and eventually got close, I remember she seemed to be very inexperienced kissing although she had the spirit. After we hooked up up she was shaking like crazy, I think I may have been her first.

We ended up hanging out a second time, during the day. She came over all prettied up and I showed her a video game I had been playing. We hooked up again, and I bent her over for the first and last time to discover her ass was hairier than mine. I'm talking wooly mammoth looking cheeks. I finished the job and went celibate for a while.

For the hair, you talking crack or cheek. Or both

Reminds me

One time I was at the dunes by the ocean with a girl. We found a low part in the sand. Pretty out there. So we start doing it. I bent her over during high noon so I saw all the hairs around her anus. There was a couple that were so long it was very distracting. I had to stop. She shaved her ass after I pointed the hairs out without me asking her to. It was fine really she didn’t have to. She really tried to make me like her but I didn’t feel a mental connection. She shaved her ass hole in vain

nothing's been the since same

Frank

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2327 on: December 04, 2021, 07:33:29 PM »
One time I fucked a bagel

this begs a few questions.

did the bagel come with any toppings? have you thought about attempting this with a lox bagel?

what about other pastries? have you considered doing it with a slightly cooled off calzone?

Freelancevagrant

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2328 on: December 04, 2021, 07:39:22 PM »
Expand Quote
One time I fucked a bagel
[close]

this begs a few questions.

did the bagel cum with any toppings? have you thought about attempting this with a lox bagel?

what about other pastries? have you considered doing it with a slightly cooled off calzone?
Well I have like 9 Andy Anderson dated flight decks.

Jebediah

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2329 on: December 04, 2021, 07:54:47 PM »
Expand Quote
I met a girl off some random dating site years back, we talked a bit and then met up for dinner. She was cute, shy, a lil chunk and I invited her over to mine.

We watched whatever on TV and eventually got close, I remember she seemed to be very inexperienced kissing although she had the spirit. After we hooked up up she was shaking like crazy, I think I may have been her first.

We ended up hanging out a second time, during the day. She came over all prettied up and I showed her a video game I had been playing. We hooked up again, and I bent her over for the first and last time to discover her ass was hairier than mine. I'm talking wooly mammoth looking cheeks. I finished the job and went celibate for a while.
[close]

For the hair, you talking crack or cheek. Or both

Reminds me

One time I was at the dunes by the ocean with a girl. We found a low part in the sand. Pretty out there. So we start doing it. I bent her over during high noon so I saw all the hairs around her anus. There was a couple that were so long it was very distracting. I had to stop. She shaved her ass after I pointed the hairs out without me asking her to. It was fine really she didn’t have to. She really tried to make me like her but I didn’t feel a mental connection. She shaved her ass hole in vain

The cheeks. Thick, dark hair. Like a pair of cantoulopes sporting toupees. I've never seen anything like it.

Expand Quote
One time I fucked a bagel
[close]

this begs a few questions.

did the bagel come with any toppings? have you thought about attempting this with a lox bagel?

what about other pastries? have you considered doing it with a slightly cooled off calzone?

It was a plain bagel, I smeared the hole with a stick of butter. It didn't last long, I was an adolescent but I tore that bagel up.

Other pastries don't do it for me, I did experiment with homemade fifis though.

pugmaster

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2330 on: December 04, 2021, 11:56:28 PM »
Expand Quote
One time I fucked a bagel
[close]

this begs a few questions.

did the bagel come with any toppings? have you thought about attempting this with a lox bagel?

what about other pastries? have you considered doing it with a slightly cooled off calzone?

At no point in time has Hot Pockets (or Nestle) officially stated that the Hot Pocket, in all of its varieties and flavors, is NOT an edible fleshlight.

If Proctor & Gamble, makers of the Tide Pods, deemed it necessary to make a formal statement regarding alternative ways to utilize their products, then what does Hot Pockets/Nestle's deafening silence tell us about whether or not a Hot Pocket is an edible fleshlight?

Take a look at these filthy sluts just begging for it.





« Last Edit: December 05, 2021, 12:08:30 AM by pugmaster »
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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2331 on: December 05, 2021, 06:27:00 AM »
Do a google search for 初音ミク クリームパン
That was actually released here a few years ago! I bought one, didn’t pound it …

This guy might have though:
https://togetter.com/li/471710
« Last Edit: December 05, 2021, 05:35:53 PM by Gray Imp Sausage Metal »

Impish sausage is definitely gonna blow up as a euphemism this year

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2332 on: December 05, 2021, 07:13:57 AM »
tf
During sex to prevent myself from ejaculating I think about Osama Bin Laden running my dick through a sewing machine.

Jebediah

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2333 on: December 05, 2021, 08:41:46 AM »


oh fuck
« Last Edit: December 05, 2021, 09:15:23 AM by Jebediah »

Uh Oh

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2334 on: December 05, 2021, 09:33:43 AM »


oh fuck

You’re sick, buddy.. S-I-C-K, sick.
A bonafide Ariana Grande style pastry pervert.


jgonzalez

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2335 on: December 06, 2021, 09:06:00 AM »
I think you’d have to put a sandwich bag inside of the hot pocket with some petroleum jelly inside of it.

Then wrap the outside of the hot pocket with more plastic so it retains its shape. Add rubber bands for pressure/tightness then maybe it will work

Also how wide are hot pockets. How well do they stretch

Ngl I used to put petroleum jelly into a sandwich bag and put it between my mattresses. I guess I can say I fucked my bed.

nothing's been the since same

JB

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2336 on: December 06, 2021, 09:11:01 AM »
Expand Quote
I met a girl off some random dating site years back, we talked a bit and then met up for dinner. She was cute, shy, a lil chunk and I invited her over to mine.

We watched whatever on TV and eventually got close, I remember she seemed to be very inexperienced kissing although she had the spirit. After we hooked up up she was shaking like crazy, I think I may have been her first.

We ended up hanging out a second time, during the day. She came over all prettied up and I showed her a video game I had been playing. We hooked up again, and I bent her over for the first and last time to discover her ass was hairier than mine. I'm talking wooly mammoth looking cheeks. I finished the job and went celibate for a while.
[close]

For the hair, you talking crack or cheek. Or both

Reminds me

One time I was at the dunes by the ocean with a girl. We found a low part in the sand. Pretty out there. So we start doing it. I bent her over during high noon so I saw all the hairs around her anus. There was a couple that were so long it was very distracting. I had to stop. She shaved her ass after I pointed the hairs out without me asking her to. It was fine really she didn’t have to. She really tried to make me like her but I didn’t feel a mental connection. She shaved her ass hole in vain

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfoJYBK5fpo

biaherl

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2337 on: December 06, 2021, 02:49:24 PM »
The first girl I was with told me to "make sure you pullout" before we started. I said sure but in my head I was like what is she talking about? Right before it happened that's when I realized oh that's what she's talking about

lilboosie

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2338 on: December 07, 2021, 10:17:49 AM »
not yet, but this could lead to an awk sexual encounter

i matched with someone who just moved in with her sister. we are planning on hanging out.

got a match this morning and in my head i think she looks like the girl im supposed to hangout with(ill call her kim) . it was a joke in my head but my eyes finally wake up and i see what looks like the same bathroom. ok could just be similar layout. nope its the same exact one. the curtain and lights confirmed it aha. its kims older sister.

i had planned to ask kim if it was her sister, but ..... what if i just see what happens. a risky move. probably should be in the tinder thread but ill use this a place holder cause i think things might get awkward. considering posting screen grabs (no faces) to get some confirmation

Uh Oh

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Re: Awkward Sexual Experiences
« Reply #2339 on: December 07, 2021, 10:22:23 AM »
not yet, but this could lead to an awk sexual encounter

i matched with someone who just moved in with her sister. we are planning on hanging out.

got a match this morning and in my head i think she looks like the girl im supposed to hangout with(ill call her kim) . it was a joke in my head but my eyes finally wake up and i see what looks like the same bathroom. ok could just be similar layout. nope its the same exact one. the curtain and lights confirmed it aha. its kims older sister.

i had planned to ask kim if it was her sister, but ..... what if i just see what happens. a risky move. probably should be in the tinder thread but ill use this a place holder cause i think things might get awkward. considering posting screen grabs (no faces) to get some confirmation

I’m hooked already. Go on and take the risky plunge, lb.