Awkward Sexual Experiences

[Sativa Lung]

I had one longtime girlfriend who liked giving oral during foreplay but the only two times she tried it to completion it went rather poorly.

First time, I’m visiting her at her folks’ place and she takes me to some public park and starts giving me a BJ in a gazebo. When I came she starts choking and coughing loudly, which despite recent popularity in porn, just made me feel guilty.

The second time, we’re in my bed and I’m laying down. After I bust, she’s still kind of going at it but my pube area feels all warm and wet. Then I notice a sweet, sour odor kind of like Italian dressing. Turns out it was Italian dressing from her dinner and she was trying to think of a way to tell me. Despite the weirdness we actually had a good laugh afterwards.

I hooked up with a quiet, librarian type who insisted at the end of dinner she wanted me to "just fuck my face".. So I did. Literally like 3 pumps and she went full exorcist and ruined my lucky jeans. I'll never forget trying to wash them and finding pad thai noodles in one of the back pockets.

[pugmaster]

Expand Quote

I had one longtime girlfriend who liked giving oral during foreplay but the only two times she tried it to completion it went rather poorly.

First time, I’m visiting her at her folks’ place and she takes me to some public park and starts giving me a BJ in a gazebo. When I came she starts choking and coughing loudly, which despite recent popularity in porn, just made me feel guilty.

The second time, we’re in my bed and I’m laying down. After I bust, she’s still kind of going at it but my pube area feels all warm and wet. Then I notice a sweet, sour odor kind of like Italian dressing. Turns out it was Italian dressing from her dinner and she was trying to think of a way to tell me. Despite the weirdness we actually had a good laugh afterwards.

[close]

I hooked up with a quiet, librarian type who insisted at the end of dinner she wanted me to "just fuck my face".. So I did. Literally like 3 pumps and she went full exorcist and ruined my lucky jeans. I'll never forget trying to wash them and finding pad thai noodles in one of the back pockets.

Classic case of a bulimic nymphomaniac. Killing two birds with one stone.. or two stones and a stick, depending on how you look at it.  Hello sex act, goodbye dinner.

[Steely Daniel]

I've had a lot of awkward sexual experiences but these are a couple I just straight-up bailed on or slowly found a way to weasel out of.

Met this woman online, and she seemed doable enough for my desperate loser self. She asks me to come over and I oblige. When I arrive she's clearly extremely pregnant (of course she never told me that before) and just casually smoking a cigarette. I notice a guitar hanging on the wall and ask if I can play it and she says it needs to be tuned, so I tune it up and strum a few chords and play a little tune. She says "hey you're pretty good can you show me some stuff?" and I reply "yeah I actually have one of my guitars in my car, just let me go grab it." I immediately drove off into the night and never spoke to her again.

Many years later I go to meet this older woman to pick her up and bring her to a hotel. She's not ready yet and asks me to come inside. The place is a total shithole, with garbage and food and random junk just scattered everywhere. Not like a stacked-up hoarder style mess but just a disgusting flop/crack house level of filth and squalor. She half-heartedly apologizes for the mess. Usually when people say that their place just isn't perfectly clean or a room or so is moderately untidy. This was more like someone put a bomb in a full garbage can and then after it exploded they pushed it all to the edges so there was space to walk... On top of that already glaring red flag I notice she has the fakest/worst English accent affectation I've ever heard and for some fucked up reason she gets me to wait in her kid's room while she finishes getting ready. I was already starting to freak out inside my head a bit but after seeing all her son's toys and pictures and stuff I just thought "fuck this" and ran out the door without saying anything and drove back home. Later on someone told me I was right to flee as she is indeed fucked in the head and I was right about the fake English accent lol...

Maybe next time I'll post the story about the alt-right couple that I almost had a threesome with until the guy talked my ear off about every cringe internet alt-right tough guy topic possible until I literally could not get an erection despite his wife being very attractive. Eh that's basically the whole story anyway barring lots of miserable details.

[Sizzle]

I have a lot of heinous stories. A little buzzed right now so I’ll hit you with a quick one.

Had my girlfriend over in high school. My basement had a separate entrance so I used to sneak her in regularly. For whatever reason my dad ends up coming home, hears me watching portlandia in the basement, grabs a bowl of cereal and heads down to check up on me. I’m panicking telling her to hide somewhere. She can’t find a spot so I throw her a blanket and she gets like next to the couch and hides under the blanket on all fours, trying to get super small and lean up against the back of the couch. My asshole dad sees her, I see him crack a little smile, goes “oh this is portlandia, sick” and watches two full fucking episodes with me while this poor girl is huddled up trying to be quiet. 

[ok boomer]

Expand Quote

I had one longtime girlfriend who liked giving oral during foreplay but the only two times she tried it to completion it went rather poorly.

First time, I’m visiting her at her folks’ place and she takes me to some public park and starts giving me a BJ in a gazebo. When I came she starts choking and coughing loudly, which despite recent popularity in porn, just made me feel guilty.

The second time, we’re in my bed and I’m laying down. After I bust, she’s still kind of going at it but my pube area feels all warm and wet. Then I notice a sweet, sour odor kind of like Italian dressing. Turns out it was Italian dressing from her dinner and she was trying to think of a way to tell me. Despite the weirdness we actually had a good laugh afterwards.

[close]

I hooked up with a quiet, librarian type who insisted at the end of dinner she wanted me to "just fuck my face".. So I did. Literally like 3 pumps and she went full exorcist and ruined my lucky jeans. I'll never forget trying to wash them and finding pad thai noodles in one of the back pockets.

Wow

[pica]

Expand Quote

Expand Quote

I had one longtime girlfriend who liked giving oral during foreplay but the only two times she tried it to completion it went rather poorly.

First time, I’m visiting her at her folks’ place and she takes me to some public park and starts giving me a BJ in a gazebo. When I came she starts choking and coughing loudly, which despite recent popularity in porn, just made me feel guilty.

The second time, we’re in my bed and I’m laying down. After I bust, she’s still kind of going at it but my pube area feels all warm and wet. Then I notice a sweet, sour odor kind of like Italian dressing. Turns out it was Italian dressing from her dinner and she was trying to think of a way to tell me. Despite the weirdness we actually had a good laugh afterwards.

[close]

I hooked up with a quiet, librarian type who insisted at the end of dinner she wanted me to "just fuck my face".. So I did. Literally like 3 pumps and she went full exorcist and ruined my lucky jeans. I'll never forget trying to wash them and finding pad thai noodles in one of the back pockets.

[close]

Wow

Lucky jeans as in good luck or where they manufactured by LUCKY the hardware and bearing company? 

[Sativa Lung]

Expand Quote

Expand Quote

Expand Quote

I had one longtime girlfriend who liked giving oral during foreplay but the only two times she tried it to completion it went rather poorly.

First time, I’m visiting her at her folks’ place and she takes me to some public park and starts giving me a BJ in a gazebo. When I came she starts choking and coughing loudly, which despite recent popularity in porn, just made me feel guilty.

The second time, we’re in my bed and I’m laying down. After I bust, she’s still kind of going at it but my pube area feels all warm and wet. Then I notice a sweet, sour odor kind of like Italian dressing. Turns out it was Italian dressing from her dinner and she was trying to think of a way to tell me. Despite the weirdness we actually had a good laugh afterwards.

[close]

I hooked up with a quiet, librarian type who insisted at the end of dinner she wanted me to "just fuck my face".. So I did. Literally like 3 pumps and she went full exorcist and ruined my lucky jeans. I'll never forget trying to wash them and finding pad thai noodles in one of the back pockets.

[close]

Wow

[close]

Lucky jeans as in good luck or where they manufactured by LUCKY the hardware and bearing company?

Third option.. Lucky the jeans company that used to be kinda pricey and make what white trash like myself would refer to as "dress jeans" but is apparently now a Levi's competitor at Sam's club.

[urban purple]

Im 16 at the time (10 years ago) Im drunk as fuck at this random house party in Australia and my homie says 'oi cunt we need to get some girls' so we go our seperate ways walking around this dudes backyard trying to find some while shitty dubstep/trap music plays in the background. I find this one chick i ve spoken to on facebook a few times and we immediately start making out and im like fuck yeah, look over at my mate and hes doing the same thing haha eventually me and my mate start chilling by ourselves having some drinks then I look up and see this girl ive been seeing on and off again for a bit, she walks into the party sees me and starts walking over i look at my mate like oh shit. She comes up to me pushes me into the wooden fence which snaps a little bit and starts aggresively making out with me while putting my hands on her ass and pussy then says 'I heard you where kissing other girls' then walks off haha i look at my mate like wtf then look around and the whole party has stopped and everyones just staring at me.

Im 17 doing party photograpy at this girl I grew up withs 17th, taking photos and shit then this girl takes my hand and says 'come with me the birthday girl wants to see you' so we go into this room and I start making out with the birthday girl while the other girls getting my pants off and and about to suck my dick the door flys open and 3 randoms are like 'oi photographer we want some photos cunt' which  ruined the mood and we stopped, I went back to drinking and smoking some weed while taking photos, next thing i know the same thing happens again 'birthday girl wants to see you blah blah' so I go into her room and start making out with these 2 girls then we start moving towards her bed and we all just stop and look at her bed and we see my homie who smoked way to much passed the fuck out on the bed haha so we say fuck it and get on the other side of the bed and start getting down to business when my homie wakes up and says 'mmouuth ddrry neeed waattter' we all laugh but the mood is ruined once again and the girls arent interested anymore and leave then this chick in my class comes in laughs at me then takes the shoelaces out of my shoes then runs off with them, So im sitting there with a passed out homie with cotton mouth, a boner and converse with no shoe laces like fuck my life.

Not awkward but my proudest moment was fucking 2 chicks in one day, one in the morning and one at night.

Fucking girlfriend in my room with the lights off when my door opens and my mums standing there saying 'dinners ready' and im like ok be up upstairs in a minute then having to awkwardly sit at the dinner table with my gf and mum.

My dads out of town so what else does a seventeen year old do but have massive party haha so I post a facebook status *bad idea*
like 70 people show up and its pretty wild, chicks are in the spa in their bra and underwear when my homie who skates decides 'the spa needs bubbles' so he puts dishwashing soap in it and bubbles covered most of the backyard, The chick from the first story shows up and takes me to my room and we start getting naked while my house is full of people partying hard, music loud as fuck and underage people drinking. I go down on her and my homies keep opening my door yelling 'fuck yeah' and i have to keep stopping and telling them to fuck off because i dont have a lock on my door, the chick says just lock your door so i pretend i lock it haha and try get back to business eveythings going well when they open it again all like 'yeah bro fucking smash her' so i get pissed off and put my shelf infront of the door which blocks it and we get back to business i finally get it in and we fuck for like 1 minute when my homies at the door like 'cops are here bro' so i pull out and have to go drunkenly talk to the cops who tell me to shut it down and kick everyone out. everyone leaves and she stays but doesnt want to fuck anymore and its awkward as so i just pass out haha ill post a pic from the party.

Partying with 2 homies and one girl that goes to university with one of them, we are all high as fuck and drunk and my mate who brang the girl is trying to get with her but she isnt having any of it, she isnt the best looking and not very fit so im not that interested but after a few more shots I go sit on the couch and she comes and sits next to me and puts her legs ontop of mine and im just like wow wtf, my homie comes over and gets all pissed off and she says lets go upstairs hes jealous, so im just like whatever we go chill in my room and shes showing me the music on her phone and I see that she has the one song me and my mates made for our shitty little metalcore band hahah I tell her i was the vocalist for that band and shes like 'omg no way' and starts taking off her clothes,bends over and says fuck me and honestly im kinda grossed out but im drunk so i just think oh well fuck it i guess this is what rockstars do, dick is barely hard because whiskey as,fuck her for like 2 minutes then just get up and leave and go sleep in a different room and its cracks me up what she was thinking just sitting in my room in the dark wondering when ill come back ,was very awkward the next day and she was pissed.

Ive read most of this thread and had some great laughs my stories arent the best but wanted to add some to keep it alive (me in the red shirt) My mate filmed the whole party and i made a video edit so if people want i can post the link

[TheLurper]

I've got a new one:

I've done few dates with a Tinder lady and overall things were moving slowly but progressively getting warmer. I finally got the "I'm house sitting, you should come over and we can use the hot tub" text message.

Tinder lady had cranked the heat on the hot tub up the day before. We get in and it is hot as fuck in there, but I'm trying to play it cool. After chatting for a bit, I make a move and the bikini top comes off, the bottoms come off, and my trunks get tossed as well. Sweet, things are going pretty well. "Maybe we should go inside?" "Yea, that is a good idea."

I ask, "Who gets out first to get the towels?" "You do  ," she responds.  I'm down to be objectified so I get out and show off my bone and hand her her towel. Now she gets out and it is my chance to take a good look at her body, but I'm starting to get light headed. I was in that tub for way too long and there is no blood in my brain. I sit down and try to play it cool, but I'm fading out of consciousness quickly.

I completely pass out as she walks over after drying off a bit. I wake up briefly as she screams, "Lurp!" She runs off to grab me something to drink, I pass out again, and sexy time was put on hold for a couple hours.

[RoaryMcTwang]

I've got a new one:

I've done few dates with a Tinder lady and overall things were moving slowly but progressively getting warmer. I finally got the "I'm house sitting, you should come over and we can use the hot tub" text message.

Tinder lady had cranked the heat on the hot tub up the day before. We get in and it is hot as fuck in there, but I'm trying to play it cool. After chatting for a bit, I make a move and the bikini top comes off, the bottoms come off, and my trunks get tossed as well. Sweet, things are going pretty well. "Maybe we should go inside?" "Yea, that is a good idea."

I ask, "Who gets out first to get the towels?" "You do  ," she responds.  I'm down to be objectified so I get out and show off my bone and hand her her towel. Now she gets out and it is my chance to take a good look at her body, but I'm starting to get light headed. I was in that tub for way too long and there is no blood in my brain. I sit down and try to play it cool, but I'm fading out of consciousness quickly.

I completely pass out as she walks over after drying off a bit. I wake up briefly as she screams, "Lurp!" She runs off to grab me something to drink, I pass out again, and sexy time was put on hold for a couple hours.

Hot tubs are treacherous.

[Nosferatu]

Would’ve been sicker if SHE passed out after seeing your bone.

[lilboosie]

ill start with one

meet her online. shes down to meet for coffee and insists that nothing will happen so i have no expectations. she calls me on my way and says MAYBE we will kiss. aha ok sure. we get coffee and my stomach starts hurting. when that happens i get super hard boners. i get up to take a shit and its clearly hard but i had to go. i finish and she ask if i want to go back to watch a movie. movie doesnt even get passed the credits and shes already top and slipped it in. that was a mistake on its own. we go at it and she might as well have had a lasso and cowboy hat. her phone rings and she says one second ITS MY BOYFRIEND. what the fuck. im all weird now. her phone rings again and then she says YOU HAVE TO GET OUT MY EX GF LIVES WITH ME AND SHES ON HER WAY. what the fuck. i get a lyft and that was that. she hit me up again but i was scared to be honest


part 2 later that same day
another girls wants to meet but its late so i have to head straight to her place. again i had no expectations so i came unprepared. she wants to go straight at it and i feel bad so i have to let her know i wasnt technically clean, like i dont want her to taste someone elses box, but i had to be honest. she says GUYS ARE SO FUNNY in a sarcastic tone and heads straight to the bathroom and cries. i feel bad and say should i leave? after a bit she says stay. walks back to the bathroom and hands me baby wipes. im luck huh, she then says CLEAN UP WERE GOING TO FUCK. i felt obliged after what happened so i go with it. have an awkward cuddle and leave.i still liked her company so i still tried to see her but she was convinced i gave her covid and told me i ruined christmas so i had to call it.

i have more but for now theres this

[modern life is war]

Im 16 at the time (10 years ago) Im drunk as fuck at this random house party in Australia and my homie says 'oi cunt we need to get some girls' so we go our seperate ways walking around this dudes backyard trying to find some while shitty dubstep/trap music plays in the background. I find this one chick i ve spoken to on facebook a few times and we immediately start making out and im like fuck yeah, look over at my mate and hes doing the same thing haha eventually me and my mate start chilling by ourselves having some drinks then I look up and see this girl ive been seeing on and off again for a bit, she walks into the party sees me and starts walking over i look at my mate like oh shit. She comes up to me pushes me into the wooden fence which snaps a little bit and starts aggresively making out with me while putting my hands on her ass and pussy then says 'I heard you where kissing other girls' then walks off haha i look at my mate like wtf then look around and the whole party has stopped and everyones just staring at me.

Im 17 doing party photograpy at this girl I grew up withs 17th, taking photos and shit then this girl takes my hand and says 'come with me the birthday girl wants to see you' so we go into this room and I start making out with the birthday girl while the other girls getting my pants off and and about to suck my dick the door flys open and 3 randoms are like 'oi photographer we want some photos cunt' which  ruined the mood and we stopped, I went back to drinking and smoking some weed while taking photos, next thing i know the same thing happens again 'birthday girl wants to see you blah blah' so I go into her room and start making out with these 2 girls then we start moving towards her bed and we all just stop and look at her bed and we see my homie who smoked way to much passed the fuck out on the bed haha so we say fuck it and get on the other side of the bed and start getting down to business when my homie wakes up and says 'mmouuth ddrry neeed waattter' we all laugh but the mood is ruined once again and the girls arent interested anymore and leave then this chick in my class comes in laughs at me then takes the shoelaces out of my shoes then runs off with them, So im sitting there with a passed out homie with cotton mouth, a boner and converse with no shoe laces like fuck my life.

Not awkward but my proudest moment was fucking 2 chicks in one day, one in the morning and one at night.

Fucking girlfriend in my room with the lights off when my door opens and my mums standing there saying 'dinners ready' and im like ok be up upstairs in a minute then having to awkwardly sit at the dinner table with my gf and mum.

My dads out of town so what else does a seventeen year old do but have massive party haha so I post a facebook status *bad idea*
like 70 people show up and its pretty wild, chicks are in the spa in their bra and underwear when my homie who skates decides 'the spa needs bubbles' so he puts dishwashing soap in it and bubbles covered most of the backyard, The chick from the first story shows up and takes me to my room and we start getting naked while my house is full of people partying hard, music loud as fuck and underage people drinking. I go down on her and my homies keep opening my door yelling 'fuck yeah' and i have to keep stopping and telling them to fuck off because i dont have a lock on my door, the chick says just lock your door so i pretend i lock it haha and try get back to business eveythings going well when they open it again all like 'yeah bro fucking smash her' so i get pissed off and put my shelf infront of the door which blocks it and we get back to business i finally get it in and we fuck for like 1 minute when my homies at the door like 'cops are here bro' so i pull out and have to go drunkenly talk to the cops who tell me to shut it down and kick everyone out. everyone leaves and she stays but doesnt want to fuck anymore and its awkward as so i just pass out haha ill post a pic from the party.

Partying with 2 homies and one girl that goes to university with one of them, we are all high as fuck and drunk and my mate who brang the girl is trying to get with her but she isnt having any of it, she isnt the best looking and not very fit so im not that interested but after a few more shots I go sit on the couch and she comes and sits next to me and puts her legs ontop of mine and im just like wow wtf, my homie comes over and gets all pissed off and she says lets go upstairs hes jealous, so im just like whatever we go chill in my room and shes showing me the music on her phone and I see that she has the one song me and my mates made for our shitty little metalcore band hahah I tell her i was the vocalist for that band and shes like 'omg no way' and starts taking off her clothes,bends over and says fuck me and honestly im kinda grossed out but im drunk so i just think oh well fuck it i guess this is what rockstars do, dick is barely hard because whiskey as,fuck her for like 2 minutes then just get up and leave and go sleep in a different room and its cracks me up what she was thinking just sitting in my room in the dark wondering when ill come back ,was very awkward the next day and she was pissed.

Ive read most of this thread and had some great laughs my stories arent the best but wanted to add some to keep it alive (me in the red shirt) My mate filmed the whole party and i made a video edit so if people want i can post the link

Crazy that chick just took her clothes off and was like fuck me

How often does this happen to people? I have never had this happen in my life but maybe I'm just not enough of an alpha dog

[urban purple]

Expand Quote

Im 16 at the time (10 years ago) Im drunk as fuck at this random house party in Australia and my homie says 'oi cunt we need to get some girls' so we go our seperate ways walking around this dudes backyard trying to find some while shitty dubstep/trap music plays in the background. I find this one chick i ve spoken to on facebook a few times and we immediately start making out and im like fuck yeah, look over at my mate and hes doing the same thing haha eventually me and my mate start chilling by ourselves having some drinks then I look up and see this girl ive been seeing on and off again for a bit, she walks into the party sees me and starts walking over i look at my mate like oh shit. She comes up to me pushes me into the wooden fence which snaps a little bit and starts aggresively making out with me while putting my hands on her ass and pussy then says 'I heard you where kissing other girls' then walks off haha i look at my mate like wtf then look around and the whole party has stopped and everyones just staring at me.

Im 17 doing party photograpy at this girl I grew up withs 17th, taking photos and shit then this girl takes my hand and says 'come with me the birthday girl wants to see you' so we go into this room and I start making out with the birthday girl while the other girls getting my pants off and and about to suck my dick the door flys open and 3 randoms are like 'oi photographer we want some photos cunt' which  ruined the mood and we stopped, I went back to drinking and smoking some weed while taking photos, next thing i know the same thing happens again 'birthday girl wants to see you blah blah' so I go into her room and start making out with these 2 girls then we start moving towards her bed and we all just stop and look at her bed and we see my homie who smoked way to much passed the fuck out on the bed haha so we say fuck it and get on the other side of the bed and start getting down to business when my homie wakes up and says 'mmouuth ddrry neeed waattter' we all laugh but the mood is ruined once again and the girls arent interested anymore and leave then this chick in my class comes in laughs at me then takes the shoelaces out of my shoes then runs off with them, So im sitting there with a passed out homie with cotton mouth, a boner and converse with no shoe laces like fuck my life.

Not awkward but my proudest moment was fucking 2 chicks in one day, one in the morning and one at night.

Fucking girlfriend in my room with the lights off when my door opens and my mums standing there saying 'dinners ready' and im like ok be up upstairs in a minute then having to awkwardly sit at the dinner table with my gf and mum.

My dads out of town so what else does a seventeen year old do but have massive party haha so I post a facebook status *bad idea*
like 70 people show up and its pretty wild, chicks are in the spa in their bra and underwear when my homie who skates decides 'the spa needs bubbles' so he puts dishwashing soap in it and bubbles covered most of the backyard, The chick from the first story shows up and takes me to my room and we start getting naked while my house is full of people partying hard, music loud as fuck and underage people drinking. I go down on her and my homies keep opening my door yelling 'fuck yeah' and i have to keep stopping and telling them to fuck off because i dont have a lock on my door, the chick says just lock your door so i pretend i lock it haha and try get back to business eveythings going well when they open it again all like 'yeah bro fucking smash her' so i get pissed off and put my shelf infront of the door which blocks it and we get back to business i finally get it in and we fuck for like 1 minute when my homies at the door like 'cops are here bro' so i pull out and have to go drunkenly talk to the cops who tell me to shut it down and kick everyone out. everyone leaves and she stays but doesnt want to fuck anymore and its awkward as so i just pass out haha ill post a pic from the party.

Partying with 2 homies and one girl that goes to university with one of them, we are all high as fuck and drunk and my mate who brang the girl is trying to get with her but she isnt having any of it, she isnt the best looking and not very fit so im not that interested but after a few more shots I go sit on the couch and she comes and sits next to me and puts her legs ontop of mine and im just like wow wtf, my homie comes over and gets all pissed off and she says lets go upstairs hes jealous, so im just like whatever we go chill in my room and shes showing me the music on her phone and I see that she has the one song me and my mates made for our shitty little metalcore band hahah I tell her i was the vocalist for that band and shes like 'omg no way' and starts taking off her clothes,bends over and says fuck me and honestly im kinda grossed out but im drunk so i just think oh well fuck it i guess this is what rockstars do, dick is barely hard because whiskey as,fuck her for like 2 minutes then just get up and leave and go sleep in a different room and its cracks me up what she was thinking just sitting in my room in the dark wondering when ill come back ,was very awkward the next day and she was pissed.

Ive read most of this thread and had some great laughs my stories arent the best but wanted to add some to keep it alive (me in the red shirt) My mate filmed the whole party and i made a video edit so if people want i can post the link

[close]

Crazy that chick just took her clothes off and was like fuck me

How often does this happen to people? I have never had this happen in my life but maybe I'm just not enough of an alpha dog

That was the only time its ever happened to me and I think it would be badass if a model looking chick did it but this girl was far from that so it just kinda grossed me out, also makes me wonder how many times she had pulled that same move on other people

[newguy]

Found out the girl I was seeing was raped by her older brother who is now a trasngender woman when she told me she wanted to end things at

When we slept together i could never get inside her because she was way too tight and that's when it clicked. I walked back home and felt

[sle_epy]

I have two. Both involve weird penis. First one, this guy was an architect and had his shit together. At the time I was kind of still a crazy girl just on some bullshit.

Anyway, we get back to my place and we are making out; I start to like try to rub his lap but I'm not feeling anything. So I think well, this couch is weird and you sit kinda deep in it so maybe it's that?

I was trying to take his pants off and he was a little hesitant and weird about it. I'd never experienced that personally, usually they're like clamoring to help. Welp got his pants down and I'm staring at the first micro penis I've ever seen. I was shocked.

I tried... And it's not his fault but it felt like pedophilic it was so tiny. He could tell I wasn't feeling it and sort of gently pushed me off, pulled up his pants and walked out of my house without saying a word.

Kinda glad he did, because I had no idea what to say or do but def wasn't into it.

Next story isn't as shocking but same sort of scenario, back at my place, we start to hook up and he mentions he has a deviated urethra. I was like ok whatever, til I saw it. The hole was on the bottom side of the head of his penis. Like directly under it where the head meets the shaft.

He wasn't weird about it and he was hot so it was whatever but when he came it came out like when you push down on the plunger of a perfume or cologne bottle and it comes out the side of it versus the tip. Very odd but not an overall bad experience. Was def a little weird having it shoot out like that tho.

[jgonzalez]

Looks like it’s called sub coronal. Never heard of that but I like weird dick stories.

Imagine cumming out of your perineum.

So the end of the head was just smooth? Was there like massive foreskin? The images I’m coming up with seem to have a lot on the diagram for some reason.

[sle_epy]

Looks like it’s called sub coronal. Never heard of that but I like weird dick stories.

Imagine cumming out of your perineum.

So the end of the head was just smooth? Was there like massive foreskin? The images I’m coming up with seem to have a lot on the diagram for some reason.

Sub-coronal looks accurate. Yea it was just smooth and kind of had like a tiny dimple where the hole never opened up. No massive foreskin, he was circumcized. Overall looked like your average dick aside from the hole.

I forgot to mention tho, that the micro penis guy had the biggest balls I'd ever seen. I'm not shitting you when I say they were just slightly smaller than a mini basketball.

[Mean salto]

Chances are it was a mistake from the circumcision. It can happen when they cut out the frenulum and cut too deep. I think they don't usually circumcise if there's already a problem.

[sle_epy]

Chances are it was a mistake from the circumcision. It can happen when they cut out the frenulum and cut too deep. I think they don't usually circumcise if there's already a problem.

Yea I asked him and he said it's just how he developed in the womb, basically a birth defect, so I dunno, it looked normal if that makes sense. No like weird scars or anything. 🤷‍♀️

[modern life is war]

So did micro penis guy get a hard-on and it was still micro sized? Poor dude... That's a fucked life.

You might be the only chick to ever post in here.

[sle_epy]

So did micro penis guy get a hard-on and it was still micro sized? Poor dude... That's a fucked life.

You might be the only chick to ever post in here.

Lol, I think. It was like gum drop sized. I felt bad for him.

[Nosferatu]

Nobody’s life is perfect but some people really are dealt a bad hand. Sucks.

[Sativa Lung]

I forgot to mention tho, that the micro penis guy had the biggest balls I'd ever seen. I'm not shitting you when I say they were just slightly smaller than a mini basketball.

How comical would it have been if he had hit you with a minute long super soaker shot and they deflated like empty balloons, complete with the squeaky fart sounds?

[sle_epy]

Expand Quote

I forgot to mention tho, that the micro penis guy had the biggest balls I'd ever seen. I'm not shitting you when I say they were just slightly smaller than a mini basketball.

[close]

How comical would it have been if he had hit you with a minute long super soaker shot and they deflated like empty balloons, complete with the squeaky fart sounds?

Traumatizing is the word I think you meant.

[RoaryMcTwang]

Expand Quote

So did micro penis guy get a hard-on and it was still micro sized? Poor dude... That's a fucked life.

You might be the only chick to ever post in here.

[close]

Lol, I think. It was like gum drop sized. I felt bad for him.

Yeah that must be so rough. I felt vaguely melancholic all day after reading  that.

[newguy]

Expand Quote

So did micro penis guy get a hard-on and it was still micro sized? Poor dude... That's a fucked life.

You might be the only chick to ever post in here.

[close]

Lol, I think. It was like gum drop sized. I felt bad for him.

oh...

[cky enthusiast]

Expand Quote

Expand Quote

I forgot to mention tho, that the micro penis guy had the biggest balls I'd ever seen. I'm not shitting you when I say they were just slightly smaller than a mini basketball.

[close]

How comical would it have been if he had hit you with a minute long super soaker shot and they deflated like empty balloons, complete with the squeaky fart sounds?

[close]

Traumatizing is the word I think you meant.

youre getting a first hand look at why women love this dude

[sle_epy]

Expand Quote

Expand Quote

Expand Quote

I forgot to mention tho, that the micro penis guy had the biggest balls I'd ever seen. I'm not shitting you when I say they were just slightly smaller than a mini basketball.

[close]

How comical would it have been if he had hit you with a minute long super soaker shot and they deflated like empty balloons, complete with the squeaky fart sounds?

[close]

Traumatizing is the word I think you meant.

[close]

youre getting a first hand look at why women love this dude

Do love a good sativa ngl.

[Sativa Lung]

Expand Quote

Expand Quote

Expand Quote

I forgot to mention tho, that the micro penis guy had the biggest balls I'd ever seen. I'm not shitting you when I say they were just slightly smaller than a mini basketball.

[close]

How comical would it have been if he had hit you with a minute long super soaker shot and they deflated like empty balloons, complete with the squeaky fart sounds?

[close]

Traumatizing is the word I think you meant.

[close]

youre getting a first hand look at why women love this dude

Man you really can't handle people making a joke at your expense huh?