alright, so there was this one time. i was young, it was two years ago. There was this biddy who is part of my group of friends, and was moving to senora texas to lead cavern tours. my roommate, his gf at the time and some other friends and her were at the bar one night really close to when she was to move, she was fucking around with me talking shit and whatnot, and for some reason asked me what i was excited about, i wasnt acting excited, i was a dick and said i was excited about her moving. she starts tearing up as she has never moved somewhere completely new before, and i said i was joking, and hugged her and offered her a shot. her spirit was raised instantly, and from that point she starts putting the signals up left and right. she's no looker by any means, and i was just playing into it to have a good time at the bar. my room mate and his gf notice whats going on, and they think i have the intention to sleep with this woman, which i assuredly did not......yet. at one point i am kicking it with my roommate while his gf and that broad are talking, and he tells me that he and his girlfriend have a five dollar bet going, he thinks i will sleep with her. he is my roommate and one of my best friends, so you know a young player gotta hook a homie up with a fiver. here's where it gets good. her apt is across the street from the bar and we head over there, i give my roomie a high five on the way out and think its all fun and games. we get to her place and she says "well whata ya wanna do?" since i have no real regard for this girl i say "let me fuck you in the ass". she says she hasn't got any lube, and macgyver sense kicks in, and i inquire to her supply of olive oil. as we enter her apt i am bombarded with the fucking stench of cat shit and piss, let out a sigh, and think about the principle of the bet, not the money. so we get naked, i grab ahold of the half gallon container of fucking olive oil she has and apply it generously to my member and her back door. slides in with ease and i start thrusting for a few, she says she's not into it and starts giving me head. as i lay on my back looking around this mess of a stinky apt i cringe a little and say "easy on the teeth". she looks me dead in the fucking eyes and says "just deal with it". so i fake a fuck for ten minutes or so, pull out and put my pants on. i get out into the hall way of the apt and see its fucking poring on biblical levels out there, she's still naked in the hall way and tries to be sexy and ask if i would rather stay. i look at her, look at the torrential down pour, then look back at her. as im shoving my new kicks under my shirt and hiking up my jeans i tell her i'm going to brave noah's flood and take the fuck off, i run a quarter mile to my car, soaked head to toe and drive home. when i get there my other roomate is opening the door simultaneously as i am. i give him no greeting whatsoever, i just stare into his face and say "worst sex of my fucking life". two of my buddies are in a punk band and wrote a song called "just deal with it" so that's a good laugh. my roomie that was at the bar has since split with his gf, and she still owes him the fucking five dollars.
sorry for the overly extended story but i felt it had to be said.
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