Dear Johnny,
Times are hard <wink, wink>, we all know it. From the looks of it, you need a little help in the stress relief department. A man with a mid-to-large sized penis has friends in places he may never have thought to look before...places like, well, the slap message boards.
Here's one thing we all know: women are horrible at giving head. They just don't understand how to handle that thing. Fumbling, gagging, grabbing at it...OUCH! Who needs that?
I'm here to help. As a community service volunteer, I've logged dozens, possibly hundreds of hours helping men just like you who find themselves in need of a helping hand...or larynx as it were. I consider myself an ambassador of amorousness; a representative of relaxation; a giver of glad-nicitiy. And here's the real kicker: it's all at NO COST to you. That's right. All you have to do is pm me with your address (continental US only, please), give me a time, leave the door unlocked, and kick back. I'll handle the rest! It's fun, easy, and relatively risk-free.
I'd be glad to provide references should you want to know things like whether I wear dentures or not, can I form a clover leaf with my tongue, or which Virtua Fighter is my favorite.
Your BFF 4EVR,
GAY
p.s. Obvious photoshop is obvious