Hey guys,
It's me...Mike V.
I feel like the interview that this thread is about was kind-of...well, to be honest, it painted me in a light that I'm not quite comfortable with. I've been doing this skateboardin' and talking about myself thing for a long time now, and sometimes context really throws things out of perspective. Although I appreciated the opportunity to talk more about myself (and who doesn't? LOL!), after it was over I kind-of felt similar to the way Duffel probably felt after calling Stevie Williams a "trashy nigger" (OMG! LOL!!). In other words, I felt like a whole lot of people who read the things I had said were probably going to rightly judge me as silly, irrelevant, sad, frustrated, possibly impotent, washed up, milking it...oh my goodness the list goes on and on.
So, without further adieu, let me tell you a little story about who I am and what I'm actually, really about. Truly.
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My name is Mike Vallely.
To clear things up for everybody, you can pronounce my last name a variety of ways. You can pronounce it like you're saying the name "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" but with a bit of a stutter: "Beyond the Vall-elly of the Dolls". OR, you can say it like you're spanish: Vayeyeeey. There's no right or wrong way to say it, between you and me. People try all kinds of ways...I'm a really laid back kind of guy so honestly it doesn't matter to me.
I've been skating for a long time. It's my bread and butter. My yen and yang. My tweedledee and tweedledumb. It's my rock and my sofa. It's the thing that has made me popular, and I'm grateful for that.
When I was a little whippersnapper I could do the splits like nobody's business. Here's me doing some neat thing when I was in my skater/hip hop dancer phase:
I was a pretty big deal back in the late 80's/early 90's riding for a little company you might have heard of called POWELL FUCKIN' PERALTA! Yeah. Big leagues, bitches. I had this very marketable look and a unique style where I wouldn't quite land tricks but I'd just keep going. It's like, when you do a kickflip and your front foot lands on the board but your back foot misses? Well, if you just push and pretend you meant for that to happen...I think you get my drift. I also did some wacky stuff like run through graveyards to sad plant (I'm also a poet)...just really gnarly stuff and kids ate it up. I sold a bunch of boards with elephants on them. I've always loved elephants because they never forget, and I can hang on to a grudge like no woman on the face of the planet. #NVR4GET
Anyway, I rode for another huge company called World Industries which kind of made their name pooping on the company that gave me my big break. Giggle. What goes around then comes and goes back around, you feel me? I sold a shit-ton of these boards:
And ushered in a whole new clear grip tape renaissance due to the big honkin' graphic on top. It was during this time that bros would mount two of their bolts upside down on the front truck in the hopes of ollieing higher. Can you say, "Sweet"?
Then a whole bunch of whacky, amazing stuff happened. I got sponsored by an extreme pogo stick company:
I grew my hair:
I rocked out:
I did public recitations of my own poetry (or "pow-ert-ree" as I like to say):
I "made it" in Hollywood, a town full of impressionable douche bags, yes men, faggots (sorry gay) and sluts with small titties:
I have to say...when it came to being a star on the silver screen I completely came, saw, conquered, and then put Hollywood to death
By The Sword.
I was so awesome in that movie they invited me to this big party and had me pretend to be mad...it was the role I was basically born to play:
That Kevin Bacon...he's the sweetest guy. Just a big ol' teddy bear.
This led to a starring role in the Spanish version of "The Passion of the Christ", which was so cool and totally hooked me up with the dude who mows my lawn now:
Anyway, after I shit all over skateboarding, the movie industry, poetry, bitches with tiny tits, mega-corporations and once-mega-corporations, I decided it was time to blastoff like J.R., switch the script, and do something whacky and nutty. What was this nutty thing? Hockey. That's right. From skateboards to ice skates...natural progression if you ask me:
The thing with hockey is that you can't pretend to land a trick and then just keep on pushin'. That shit was 4 reals. Needless to say, I didn't want to ruin this pretty face (in case modeling or more Hollywood bullshit is in my future) so I left the meatheads to their sport. Fuckin' meatheads.
Along the way I met some pretty gnarly bros. Here's me with this guy who was pretty gnarly:
Awkwardly placed star tat? CHECK! Middle finger extended? CHECK! Festival arm band? CHECK! Questionable motherfuckin' sunglasses? MOTHERFUCKIN' CHECK! This dude enwrappens the spirit of the Mike V. We still keep in touch on facebook and he is gnarly as he looks.
I also met this dude who is a skate GOD:
I'm talking about the dude in the middle. That bitch on the right? Kris Koll. Total meathead. LOL I whipped his pussy ass at a game of S-K-A-T-E, breakin' rulez and takin' namez'. I know you feel me.
Last couple of li'l known facts about your man Mike V. I love to fight. Love it. Surprised? Yeah...most people don't know that about me and are surprised when they find out, but it's true:
Temper tantrums are my forte, and any time I leave my house there ain't a motherfucker safe, nahmean? LOL These fists have more fury in 'em than John Rocker at a gay pride parade. Does that even make sense? Well it does to me! BAM!
Anyway, I'm so tired of typing so let's just wrap this up with a mug shot of me muggin' for the camera. Catch me on tour chillin with my fave music or just generally stoking things up, down, side to side, in and out and every which way! Yea!
Oh! And buy my poppers! Thanks fellas.