real confessions

[doublesteveburger]

That's fucked up.

[the snake]

jesus

[Gray Imp Sausage Metal]

I love Daniel Casillo's style and trick selection.

maybe if you're watching love child-era castillo and you're viewing him as an up and coming am with a bright future, then yeah...

[hufs calve muscles]

My step dad died the other day. Drank himself to death. He was 64.

Mum found him with his legs sticking out of his ute with his head resting on a case of beer he had just bought.

I am drinking one of the beers right now even though I don't drink anymore...

He was a geologist who could of made millions through Rio Tinto but he got fired for drinking on the job, both times in Mongolia, where he brought me back these spun out tapes of music they make with their teeth/mouth. They used to fly him around the world.

He never cared about money. He just like drinking and collecting model trains.

[shark tits]

sorry hcm. your dad sounded like a pretty cool guy. that's kind of bukowski of you drinking his leftover beers. hope it goes as light as it can.

[hufs calve muscles]

Thanks mate. His family who distanced themselves ten years ago are coming for his money. He has nothing but they think he's hiding it.

I'm on probation ATM so if I don't post here for a while I have

[mynameisnotjeff]

Sorry for your loss.

Yeah, family can turn to scumbags post the death of a member and as ISMOBHAT said, hope it goes smooth and good luck with your probation. Remember to breathe and count when people get on your nerves, hopefully they stay in their lane and don't.

[Gray Imp Sausage Metal]

That sucks HCM, my condolences mate

[hufs calve muscles]

Thanks for the kind words guys. You rule.

Funeral is tomorrow. This will be the 5th in a few years all because of alcohol.

I have never spoke at a funeral and am pretty fucking nervous.

Any pointers? Comedy? Tell the crowd Marc Johnson still doesn't have a board sponsor?

[mynameisnotjeff]

Do it! 

Honestly, say anything from the heart. Funerals are weird.

[JB]

Thanks for the kind words guys. You rule.

Funeral is tomorrow. This will be the 5th in a few years all because of alcohol.

I have never spoke at a funeral and am pretty fucking nervous.

Any pointers? Comedy? Tell the crowd Marc Johnson still doesn't have a board sponsor?

be confident and remember that nobody is there to judge you. write an outline of what you want to say and just say it, dont read off a script. a little notecard with some bulleted speaking points is all you need to keep you on track. speak clear and loud enough for people to hear you, keep your hands out of your pockets and stand up straight. if you can make some jokes, thats good. stories that the other people can relate to are good too, like "im sure you can recall a time when so and so did this..." and dont worry about getting emotional. its a funeral, everybody is emotional.

you'll do fine. sorry about your loss man.

and didnt MJ just release his otherness company?

[tobey]

So i just remembered this.....

During like right out of high school my anxiety was at a high and didn't leave the house for awhile but i still wanted to hookup with girls. I hit up this girl, first girl i ever made out with in high school which was in 10th grade (very late bloomer), I think i got her number off facebook or i still had it. Anyway she never responded to any of my texts and me being a late bloomer and only hooking up with like 3 girls max out of my whole high school experience i just thought she changed her number. I knew my house phone always comes up as private if i call people from there so i called her cell phone number from my house phone. It rang, got a voicemail and i hung up. Now before i had anytime to reflect the idea that this girl was ignoring me my house phone started to ring, it was her. Obviously my bright idea was not to answer it but then our answering machine came on and its my dad talking and our old answering machine our dog would just randomly bark at some spots. It seems like it was planned for the dog to bark at some spots but it really wasnt. She didn't leave a message but theres no way she wouldn't know it was me

[shark tits]

i'm gonna book an emergency dental appt on monday. i don't have a toothache, i just like girls putting their fingers in my mouth.

[JB]

The dentist is high on the list of worst places to pop a boner.

[perverted super otaku!]

dude, when i was gettin my teeth cleaned once the hygenist was literally resting her boobs on my  head, she was nice so i didnt feel sexually harrassed but if she was gross i woulda told her to fuck off, but it felt kinda maternal not erotic

[shark tits]

[shit_for_brains]

dude, when i was gettin my teeth cleaned once the hygenist was literally resting her boobs on my  head, she was nice so i didnt feel sexually harrassed but if she was gross i woulda told her to fuck off, but it felt kinda maternal not erotic

Which is SUPER hot

[pussyclench]

Life was good. You know how you get sober and everything feels just alright and optimistic? So the front of my brain ( not my instinct brain ) was like cool... I think I can do it agian and keep it under control.

Plus I cant do shit cause my buttcrack is like stitched up and I can only lay. On couch.  And I ate all my oxy already.. fuck! I cant skate!

So I message my PLUG like lemme get a 50mg sample of dat new batch fa free bruh... lemme see how dat hit...

Fast forward monday. Make my liquid... 1ml/10mg, pretty concentrated. 1mg is blackout dose.

Fuck yeah, ol' betsy... fill er up with .3ml = 3mg (I thought it was a different chemical cause I was exited and stupid). Shoot it.... PLOOOM

5 seconds I was like... ahhhhhh yuhhhh niggaaaa. Then I woke up a little while ago and was like fuck.

Everything was cool, my brother said I mostly slept and ate 24 nutty buddys. 24x4 nutty buddys is alot. All my drugs are gone and its weird. I coulda sworn it was Tuesday. Woulda put money on it. But yo thats not the way to go about life I was like why the fuck do I even do that... Ill just find a better hobby. That shits stupid. But Im still on cloud nine, I wish I could walk so I count smoke a joint in the summer wilderness.

[perverted super otaku!]

man, been watching trailer park boys again, and have been finding Sarah so fucking sexy in some of the seasons, I actaully stumbled across her in Halifax once but it was a cross walk dark street corner, near the citadel and i was pretty fuckin drunk so I didnt want to say anything and seem like a creep

[JB]

I think Sarah is sexy too.

[h00man]

I was seeing this girl for almost 2 months now and we've been hanging out, having sex, texting non-stop blah blah. Last week we decided it may never turn into a full serious relationship, but we obviously still cared about each other and stuff. I slept over her place last Thurs and hung out Friday. Yesterday while she was at my house (about to get it on) she told me she fucked someone else a few days after we decided our fate of our relationship. I told her to leave.

I'm bummed. I know we weren't 100% committed to each other, but I never went a fucked some girl right after our emotional distress. This sucks and now I'm venting feelings to an online skateboarding message board.

[shark tits]

should've fucked her THEN told her to leave. might be the last pussy you get for a little while you gotta camelback it when it's flowing.

[pussyclench]

I would pobably bang gail the snail from its always sunny...seems fun. Wit a jimmie dough.

[h00man]

sharktits I was thinking about it. Then realized she could use that against me so I decided not to.

[Esquivel]

I was seeing this girl for almost 2 months now and we've been hanging out, having sex, texting non-stop blah blah. Last week we decided it may never turn into a full serious relationship, but we obviously still cared about each other and stuff. I slept over her place last Thurs and hung out Friday. Yesterday while she was at my house (about to get it on) she told me she fucked someone else a few days after we decided our fate of our relationship. I told her to leave.

I'm bummed. I know we weren't 100% committed to each other, but I never went a fucked some girl right after our emotional distress. This sucks and now I'm venting feelings to an online skateboarding message board.

If it was her who first suggested to discuss the fate of your relationship then she surely had that dude already lined up. In my country there is this daft saying that goes somehow like "Women are like monkeys. They never let go of one branch if they have not grabbed the next one."
So according to this, you would be in no wrong if you had a last go on her. Sharktits is 100% right, you never know when the next fling is coming so you may as well fully enjoy what you currently have available. When I end a relationship I always make sure I do so under the best terms possible so that I do not burn any bridges. Letting her have a last taste of you would only leave fond memories

[shit_for_brains]

That's cool that you kicked her out. There are endless hallways to throw your hot dog down.

[Grind King Rims]

In almost all of my relationships, I've regretting not getting one last goodbye lay, but in reality, it doesn't work like that (h00man's case being an exception).

But I see why he did what he did. If she told me she had recently been with someone else right before we were getting intimate, I wouldn't be in the mood to get close to her. Not because I would think less of her for sleeping around, I honestly wouldn't, but it would make me question what she's interested in me for, and would put me off.

[pussyclench]

I dont mind if a girl fucks other guys, they just better not be ugly loosers. Man if girls knew who I fucked they would be like    ewwwwww

Relationseaships come and go, as long as were not getting married, cause I aint doin that, she can have a exotic fuck errynow and then, but me too.

[h00man]

Thanks guys. It was a trip but I'll be okay

Love you all

[doublesteveburger]

I eat my roommates leftovers when they go to sleep.