real confessions

[Dr-Feelgood]

One time I went on an OkCupid date with this fiiiiine guitar player chick. Then we ended up at a bar with her fiiiiiine friend. It was all pretty great and she told me to give her a call later that week so we could go out again.

I wanted to smash tho and ended up staying at the bar til after close playing pool with a super handsome 45ish year old black dude. He cooked me brisket and gave me a bunch of delicious scotch and fancy beers and whatever.  I fucked that dude til I got bored and peaced the fuck out.

Later that week I hooked up with the guitar lady and that was pretty nice too. Until she find out I smashed the dude from the bar. They knew each other loloololll

She was pretty homophobic for a sassy leftist hipster thot and got super pissed at me for being a hoe. I never saw her again. Wasn't interested in hooking up with the dude again so I washed my hands (and dick) of the whole affair.

You are 100% a virgin

[Dr-Feelgood]

Scratch that Doc.  I see you're actually 31.  You're problems are much worse than I suspected and I'm afraid I cant help you.  My apologies for OVER estimating you.  I wish you luck out there kid.  And if I may, offer a bit of advice that I'm certain you'll find beneficial.  The next time you're standing at a urinal (oh wait, you probably sit, right?), at any rate,  do NOT eat the big white mint.

i dont know if you think thats funny but its not, you are a dork, settle down old man, go throw a chick off a balcony or blow 10 grand gambling, whatever it is you do pho king kong

[blurst_of_times]

Scratch that Doc.  I see you're actually 31.  You're problems are much worse than I suspected and I'm afraid I cant help you.  My apologies for OVER estimating you.  I wish you luck out there kid.  And if I may, offer a bit of advice that I'm certain you'll find beneficial.  The next time you're standing at a urinal (oh wait, you probably sit, right?), at any rate,  do NOT eat the big white mint.

You're not funny. Go away.

[jimstolz]

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One time I went on an OkCupid date with this fiiiiine guitar player chick. Then we ended up at a bar with her fiiiiiine friend. It was all pretty great and she told me to give her a call later that week so we could go out again.

I wanted to smash tho and ended up staying at the bar til after close playing pool with a super handsome 45ish year old black dude. He cooked me brisket and gave me a bunch of delicious scotch and fancy beers and whatever.  I fucked that dude til I got bored and peaced the fuck out.

Later that week I hooked up with the guitar lady and that was pretty nice too. Until she find out I smashed the dude from the bar. They knew each other loloololll

She was pretty homophobic for a sassy leftist hipster thot and got super pissed at me for being a hoe. I never saw her again. Wasn't interested in hooking up with the dude again so I washed my hands (and dick) of the whole affair.

[close]

You are 100% a virgin

[jimstolz]

The last time I had sex was with an ex who played Parklife on her bass before we fucked on her couch. After I left town she gave one of my decks to a goth chick who used it to skate around a parking structure in a shitty chillwave video.

Suck my nuuuutttts

[Pho King Hung Lo Mein]

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Scratch that Doc.  I see you're actually 31.  You're problems are much worse than I suspected and I'm afraid I cant help you.  My apologies for OVER estimating you.  I wish you luck out there kid.  And if I may, offer a bit of advice that I'm certain you'll find beneficial.  The next time you're standing at a urinal (oh wait, you probably sit, right?), at any rate,  do NOT eat the big white mint.

[close]

I dont know if you think thats funny but its not, you are a dork, settle down old man, go throw a chick off a balcony or blow 10 grand gambling, whatever it is you do pho king kong

Easy now champ, only your mom calls me King Kong.  And that's pretty cute, acting as if you actually understood what I wrote, then proceeding to reveal in your babble, clear evidence that you missed the whole point of the story.  Nice one, Sparky! 

 I get it though, Einstein.  You're not a big reader.  Just a 31 year old, HERO member on a message board (impressive post count BTW) because you're NOT a complete fucking dork?  Gotcha!

You see yourself as more of a "Costanza" type.  LORD of the complete fucking dorks.  I'm actually with you on this one, buddy.  See pal, we CAN find some common ground, here.

Though it does devastate my soul to hear that you dont find me funny.  Let's do this, once I start giving a fuck AND you can figure out how to comprehend what you're reading, BEFORE flapping your pole smokers, we'll regroup and see if the Love is still there.  Deal?

[Pho King Hung Lo Mein]

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Scratch that Doc.  I see you're actually 31.  You're problems are much worse than I suspected and I'm afraid I cant help you.  My apologies for OVER estimating you.  I wish you luck out there kid.  And if I may, offer a bit of advice that I'm certain you'll find beneficial.  The next time you're standing at a urinal (oh wait, you probably sit, right?), at any rate,  do NOT eat the big white mint.

[close]

You're not funny. Go away.

Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention.  From now on, before I post anything, I'll be sure to run it by some random fucking dipshit, excuse me, HERO member on SLAP, to make sure it's funny enough, first.

[jimstolz]

Chill bro

[DarthDingusMaximus]

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i enjoyed the phantom menace. there i said it.

[close]

prequels weren’t so bad compared to recently.

[close]

While this is like comparing anyone to hitler. I do give my dues to episode 3. The special effects and fight scenes were enjoyable. I enjoyed the improvements to the SPFX in the prequels. As for the new ones, they took a left turn into a dumpster fire

Look I get it and hear me out, and I might sound douchey or whatever but to me when someone tells the exact same story about a robot with secret plans that can blow up a space age ship throw in diversity and gender inclusion with a guy in a black mask with a blowing up scenario. That's why I despise the newish iterations of this story, not only are they teasing you and robbing you of your money they tell the same fucking story with cgi not puppets nothing practical at all.

[landedprimo]

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Scratch that Doc.  I see you're actually 31.  You're problems are much worse than I suspected and I'm afraid I cant help you.  My apologies for OVER estimating you.  I wish you luck out there kid.  And if I may, offer a bit of advice that I'm certain you'll find beneficial.  The next time you're standing at a urinal (oh wait, you probably sit, right?), at any rate,  do NOT eat the big white mint.

[close]

You're not funny. Go away.

Don't be so harsh. This man is hilarious.

[Crack Whore]

One time I went on an OkCupid date with this fiiiiine guitar player chick. Then we ended up at a bar with her fiiiiiine friend. It was all pretty great and she told me to give her a call later that week so we could go out again.

I wanted to smash tho and ended up staying at the bar til after close playing pool with a super handsome 45ish year old black dude. He cooked me brisket and gave me a bunch of delicious scotch and fancy beers and whatever.  I fucked that dude til I got bored and peaced the fuck out.

Later that week I hooked up with the guitar lady and that was pretty nice too. Until she find out I smashed the dude from the bar. They knew each other loloololll

She was pretty homophobic for a sassy leftist hipster thot and got super pissed at me for being a hoe. I never saw her again. Wasn't interested in hooking up with the dude again so I washed my hands (and dick) of the whole affair.

Maybe she doesn't want aids....

[Dr-Feelgood]

The last time I had sex was with an ex who played Parklife on her bass before we fucked on her couch. After I left town she gave one of my decks to a goth chick who used it to skate around a parking structure in a shitty chillwave video.

Suck my nuuuutttts

Hahaha you are kind of funny but i also kind of hate you. Keep it up

[L33Tg33k]

I just went in the beautiful women thread and it was a fucking mistake.

[jimstolz]

Expand Quote

One time I went on an OkCupid date with this fiiiiine guitar player chick. Then we ended up at a bar with her fiiiiiine friend. It was all pretty great and she told me to give her a call later that week so we could go out again.

I wanted to smash tho and ended up staying at the bar til after close playing pool with a super handsome 45ish year old black dude. He cooked me brisket and gave me a bunch of delicious scotch and fancy beers and whatever.  I fucked that dude til I got bored and peaced the fuck out.

Later that week I hooked up with the guitar lady and that was pretty nice too. Until she find out I smashed the dude from the bar. They knew each other loloololll

She was pretty homophobic for a sassy leftist hipster thot and got super pissed at me for being a hoe. I never saw her again. Wasn't interested in hooking up with the dude again so I washed my hands (and dick) of the whole affair.

[close]

Maybe she doesn't want aids....

well duh bro that is the obvious first thought from her end of this nonsense.
I don't call her homophobic for her reasonable paranoia based on how booty sex be makin' STDs more easily transfered.

She just said some wild dumb homophobic shit. The usual, y'know. People rarely surprise

[DarthDingusMaximus]

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One time I went on an OkCupid date with this fiiiiine guitar player chick. Then we ended up at a bar with her fiiiiiine friend. It was all pretty great and she told me to give her a call later that week so we could go out again.

I wanted to smash tho and ended up staying at the bar til after close playing pool with a super handsome 45ish year old black dude. He cooked me brisket and gave me a bunch of delicious scotch and fancy beers and whatever.  I fucked that dude til I got bored and peaced the fuck out.

Later that week I hooked up with the guitar lady and that was pretty nice too. Until she find out I smashed the dude from the bar. They knew each other loloololll

She was pretty homophobic for a sassy leftist hipster thot and got super pissed at me for being a hoe. I never saw her again. Wasn't interested in hooking up with the dude again so I washed my hands (and dick) of the whole affair.

[close]

Maybe she doesn't want aids....

[close]

well duh bro that is the obvious first thought from her end of this nonsense.
I don't call her homophobic for her reasonable paranoia based on how booty sex be makin' STDs more easily transfered.

She just said some wild dumb homophobic shit. The usual, y'know. People rarely surprise

It kinda sucks when your ex whoever it is decides to give away your shit, I can't even begin to start when I see a homie with my gear first thing I do is say that's mine! and essentially take it back.....

Had an exgf basically use me for all my financial prospects & inheritance. From 06 to 09 when I  finally made it known I'm out and took my last bit of money with me she sold or gave away 90% of my shit that to me was priceless.

In the end karma is a bitch fastforward 2 years I am doing well and have a semi successful entrepreneurship of nonprofit ideas I have a great gal  and a meaningful family sobriety is about to come to fruition I get a call out of nowhere. It's my exgf who is now cracked out and is an escort whom to my later discovery was full blown junkie.

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=2083636825
she looked a lot like her but thicker.

[jimstolz]

lol the spicy homophobic guitar thot looked like this


my most recent ex who I lent around six g's for some medical shit was basically this chick, including premium tittayz


similar body types
my ex is a successful copywriter working under one of thems big five ad agencies
who knows what the musician is up to these days. Tending bar last I knew

[DarthDingusMaximus]

lol the spicy homophobic guitar thot looked like this


my most recent ex who I lent around six g's for some medical shit was basically this chick, including premium tittayz


similar body types
my ex is a successful copywriter working under one of thems big five ad agencies
who knows what the musician is up to these days. Tending bar last I knew

Now to give credit towards the ladies that we've endured I try to look past previous behaviors as I care about the person and how they treat me, however this assumption is based on my previous interactions and doesn't wholly represent all women.

To me the really good looking ladies have a whole lot of bullshit you've got to contend with crazy ex's drug addled past's umm sketchy get your dick on the run scenario's really skeezy shite that makes others assume the worst.

 I would forgo and look past all transgressions if they were a decent person on the inside, but if you're a sketchy and worse human being on the inside it shows I'd rather not stick my dick in crazy.

I know it sounds shallow in summation but I've found more happiness with someone who is average in looks and shines in artsy personality and is slightly older than me. 

[jimstolz]

I feel you on that tip. I would be very open to a slightly dumpy older chick with great taste and a rapier (but still a sweet person) wit.

[behavioralguide]

  semi successful entrepreneurship of nonprofit ideas

[DarthDingusMaximus]

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  semi successful entrepreneurship of nonprofit ideas

[close]

I've become a life coach to some characters in my neighborhood and I show them how to build stuff, I get no reward except companionship and trying to do this with a altruistic perspective. 

I was a shit person when drinking and I'd like to think I've turned a new leaf with my ideas for helping others, as it has been done for me.

[jakeumms]

I'm super into that Chris Brown song No Guidance. Look I know he's a terrible person and I should hit skip but I liked it before I knew who it was.

[Ms. Tamzarian]

When I was 15 or so, I went to get a haircut. My mom dropped me off. When I got inside, I showed the barber a picture of Morrissey and said I wanted to look like that.
Two or three days later I got my learner's permit picture taken. That Morrissey haircut photo became the driver's license picture for all of my teen years.

[L33Tg33k]

When I was 15 or so, I went to get a haircut. My mom dropped me off. When I got inside, I showed the barber a picture of Morrissey and said I wanted to look like that.
Two or three days later I got my learner's permit picture taken. That Morrissey haircut photo became the driver's license picture for all of my teen years.

Post a pic

[Ms. Tamzarian]

yung boyboy

[Hefe43]

yung boyboy

I was expecting that armin tamzarian cut like in your profile pic

[os89]

Anytime Clueless comes on TV, no matter where along it is, I cannot change the channel.

I have seen it a million times but for some reason I can watch it literally whenever, wherever.

Maybe it's just Alicia Silverstone and Brittany Murphy being hot as hell... but I'm pretty sure I just love the movie and don't wanna admit it. Well ok I admit it. I love the movie Clueless.

[beatifk]

It's a great movie. It's got the babes you mentioned plus Paul Rudd, plus a skateboarder in the end proving his worth to one of the babes so it's all around a pretty solid film.

[L33Tg33k]

Whenever someone brings up the movie Clueless and talks about the babes but doesn't mention Stacy Dash, I just assume they are racist.

[os89]

Whenever someone brings up the movie Clueless and talks about the babes but doesn't mention Stacy Dash, I just assume they are racist.

My bad bro, she is hot as fuck. No fucking doubt. Of course she is another reason to watch. I think she went on a super conservative Fox news angle though and threw me for a loop.

[fulltechnicalskizzy]

I thought she was white?