Throwaway because some slappers know me irl.
My depression has been hitting me hard lately, really hard where certain thoughts tend to circulate more than so than ever. The major reason I can't is because I don't want to chance not seeing my dog again on the otherside. He passed away a month ago, and I miss him allot. The depression has been constant even before then, but him passing made it worse of course.
Found out not too long after him passing that my girlfriend isn't happy with our relationship. There's a lot of stress on that front, and while I'm doing alot, to her it doesn't feel that way. So that's not helping either, but that's another long story.
Wish I could go to family about these things, but I honestly think that they wouldn't understand. I also don't want to burden the ones that I feel would. They make it better and remind me that I'm doing good, or well that I did do something good and made someone happy. One of my best friends has been helping a lot, but I hate burdening him with my issues as well. It not that I feel like I'm a burden, but more along the line that I care more about the the people around me being happy and when they're happy, I'm happy. I don't want them worrying about me in the back of their minds, or them questioning whether or not they're part of the reason I'm like this.
Getting back into skating was helping me a lot, as I progressed more than I did in years of skating back in highschool. The best part wasn't seeing me progress though, but was progressing with friends that also got back into it. But constantly taking care of someone, slowly would see me not skating at all anymore. I see my friends progressing and that gets me stooked, but bummed out at the same time. I've regressed back to how I was when I first started with them, and it bums me out that I'm not out there with them celebrating each of us progressing.
Sorry for the rant guys, it just been tough. I needed to get this all off my chest. Typing up all this made me feel a lot better.