After a long depressing day I thought I should come to this thread to vent so here I go.
I'm a 21 year old loser with no friends. I cut off the small circle of stoner homies I had in highschool when we graduated cause of that time being a turning point for our lives. It was kinda like that movie Superbad where they all get jealous of each other throughout the movie. My friends always felt superficial to me anyways and didn't always seem like they understood my inner mental struggles. I'm just tired of hanging with fake people that only use me for weed or misery loves company sorta vibes. It always seemed like no one in the group wanted anyone to be better than each other or else they'd become a threat.
I've had no good action on the board these past couple weeks. I always feel burnt out and my legs feel like spaghetti noodles.2020 was my best year on the board , I convinced my self to go to the skatepark multiple days a week the whole year and started skating more down rails and gnarlier obstacles. The time has come where I reached my peak and now its over. I have no motivation anymore to push myself when it comes to skating. Some slappies and a couple flat ground tricks and that's it, that's all I got.
After highschool I continued working as a bus boy at a restaurant where I one day had a mental breakdown. The fakeness of being a customer service employee kills me. I was never socially gifted to begin with and I had to put on a fake smile for two years and walk in there every day. Also a girl i knew from school got a job there one day suprisingly. She had friend zoned me and rejected me many times in public but we were still "friends." I was super weirded out when she got a job at the same place as me because I had told her where I worked before. When we were working together our other co workers noticed that we had a bit of a connection (nothing romantic, but I talked to her more than I ever did to my original co workers) and they all grouped up one day and gave me their advice saying that they thought she liked me and I should shoot my shot for her. I explained that we were just friends but all my co workers were hyping me up to do it. I ended up making a move one night when we decided to meet up and smoke. I told her how I honestly felt about her and she didn't feel the same. Things got awkward real quick,right there, right then. She ended up dating another co worker of mine. A better looking dude and made me look like a total fool and still kept working there during all of this. Everyone else knew I was mentally damaged but no one said anything.
The night after my mental break down at work (which is too embarassing to describe) I told my parents the real truth about how I felt in life and how I was depressed and had felt like I had no self esteem. My parents were clueless on how to even react and now I just regret ever having that job and putting in my final two weeks I should've never showed up the day I fucked up my flirt attempt. I'm unemployed right now just using the money I made from food delivery apps to buy my own food,weed, skate board parts, etc. My folks keep mentioning community college classes or trade school to me when really I just feel like becoming a homeless skateboarder and smoking weed all day while I sit on my ass on the sidewalk eating takeout with the $ I beg for and watching as hot chicks go by.
I really have been thinking about going homeless though. Maybe hitchhike to SF or Santa Cruz cause the scene there might be better. I just love living stress free and not having to worry about security or materialistic things. I feel ashamed of not being able to please my parents by getting a 9 to 5 but I hate the corporate world.
First, disregard any guilt you may harbor over that mental breakdown. It’s in the past, it happened, you are stronger for it. Rejection sucks, but it’s part of life. It blows that it got so awkward and that there were several cohorts invested in the outcome, but she was upfront and honest to your face no matter how uneasy it was. Plenty of people wouldn’t be and that’s much worse..
Invest in yourself, young one. Learn a skill or trade then try your hitchhiking adventure. What are your interests?
Your folks sound supportive enough, gentle urges in a direction that could set you up with a safe career. As far as their reaction, no parent has all the answers and it can be devastating to hear their child is depressed. I’m sure they would be happy if you got a 9-5 grind, but would be even more stoked if you were doing something that brings you happiness.
Life is never completely free of stressors. The reality is that work is necessary. Either to keep yourself preoccupied or keep yourself safe. You have purpose, you will find it.
P.S. Please don’t try living on the streets without deep preparation for it. It is glamorized in fiction. Learn basic survival skills.
For most it isn’t a choice and a lot don’t bounce back.