I dont know If I mentioned it before. But life seems hard and I dont feel like im progressing in life and society and can connect like everyone else. Besides being difficult to make or keep friends its been hard in the job/career world. All I know is failure. At least before I had the motivation to keep trying, and applying, but hope and motivation has dwindled away. I came to the realization that Im likely on the spectrum. The weird thing is I feel like I have been progressively getting worse.
On a positive note I guess.. I started smoking weed more regularly and it kind helps for a few hours. I diamond handed my stocks, during the downturn and have faith my portfolio will grow. I feel like its almost my child, plant,or pet I check up on often; sounds regular, I know.
I'm sorry that you're going through it. Maybe weed isn't the best thing for you right now. Short term reliefs like drinking, cannabis, or other substances used as a crutch are just band aids and they will have a biological snapback to them.
It's okay to fail. Failure is great. Failure is essential to growth. It shows you are trying! I can relate to most of what you're saying in your post, especially when it comes to feeling like you're overwhelming with failure after failure. It will make those feelings of success and achieving goals that much more meaningful. You will learn what real gratitude is.
Keep going. I believe in you!!!
My confession: I've lost many people, two of them being the type of friend you can count on one hand, in the last 3 - 5 years. My best friend to suicide, another to a senseless murder, countless others to overdose. I'm dealing with feelings of survivor's guilt, especially because I've had many swift passings with the possibility of death. I've been questioning why I'm still here, what my purpose is, why do I exist in the first place?
I really really really miss my friends, and just lost another yesterday. I especially miss my buddy who took his own life a few years ago. I've cried over him less over the years, but even then I still sob every few months. I know that loss is a part of life but it just keeps getting worse. Even my mom said to me this morning that she has never known someone my age to go through so much loss. I also lost my father at 16.
Fuck.